Fantasy MAHAGATHA : EK PRACHAND YODHA

[rajpurohitkikahani99]

Hmm kaafi shaandar update hai bhai maja aa raha hai suspense dhere dhere open ho rahe hai... Pechli baar ke mukabale iss baar writing mai kaafi sudhaar dekhne ko mill Raha toh chalo ab tak ka thoda review de deta hoon...


1- update kaafi pace se chal rahe the jo ki abhi thoda better hua hai... Suggestion yeh hai yaha one to one conversation rakhoge jayada better rahega... EX:- hero heroine se baat kar raha hai toh aas paas itne log bhi conversation me shamil ho jaa rahe hai koi kuch kehta hai koi kuch.... One to one combo sivay Noor ke kisi se ho nahi paa rahi... Isse scene thoda padne mai feel nahi ho paa raha romantic scenes mai bhi comedy ho rahi hai jayadatar.... Ek Raj aur Avani waala scene sahi tha jaha woh sath sote hai... Kam se kam romanse feel hua tha wanha....


2- suspense dhere dhere kholo magar ek saath itne saare sawaal na khade karo one to one chalo jayada better rahega... Jaise abhi focus kavach aur kundal par hai unko chalne do... Beech mai Noor kon hai Avani kon hai?... Woh Raj ke Nana Nani se kya relation hai?.. Unko system ke baare mai kaise pata? Raj ke Dad ne Casual kyun liya Woh Mumbai mai hai use dhoondne ki koshish kyun ni ki ?... Noor kyun chahti hai uske Nana Nani uske banglow me aaj hi shift ho jaye?... Yeh sab ek update mai hue event hai itne saare sawaal ek update mai chod diye... Jabki pehli se kuch gutthi suljhi nahi hai.. jaise ki... Raj ki Mom usko kyun chod kar gayi?... Mumbai mai woh Kaha hai?... Kavach kundal dhondna aur system se mile task isper abhi focus rahe toh jayada better rahega... Step by step chalo...


3- relationship Raj ka itna bada pariwar hai usko ek saath ek frame mai toh theek hai.... Magar 20 log hai toh sabke saath Raj ka scene add karne ke chakkar mai thoda khichdi ho gya... Jaise mall waale update mai itne logo ka intro hua... Unke saath shopping Hui ek hi update mai mile ek hi update mai Raj ka itna khul Jana unke saath... ?? Sabke saath scenes dikhana uss update mai kaafi confusing tha... Yahi nahi ladki ka ghamand Tut Jana sirf Raj ko dekh kar... Pehli baar mili thi bas woh baat bhi nhi Hui.. thoda sa dhyaan rakhiye iss baare mai...


Baaki kaafi sudhaar hai pichli baar se kaafi pace slow hua hai emotion connect feel hua hai kaafi jagah ummed karta hun aage aise hi Bane rahe...

Ek Most important point add karna chahunga... Please yeh jo last update mai s@rdaar likha hua hai ise delete kar do... Koi bhi dharm ka naam likhna mana hai yaha... Story par bann ho jata hai.... na hi kisi God ka naam likh sakte hai... Isko edit kar do baaki sab theek hai... Best of luck for next update... Fir milta hun kuch time baad...

Ha kuch chizo se sehmat hu lekin mai bilkul hi writing ki duniya mai naya hu aur meri story Syd naye writer jo story beech mai chod dete unse better hai kyu smarty bhai?

Aur kya hi fayada jab story mai characters hi na ho toa
Sabki baari aaegi enjoy bas ye story ko rakhunga mai apne fantasy se

Aur jaha tak samjhne ki baat hai toa todha dimak readers bhi laggae toa accha hai

 

[rajpurohitkikahani99]

Agar aapko full don't design aur one to one baat chit mai story chaiye
Example like werewolf bhaiya

Toa mai bhi fir 1-2 hafte mai hi update de bataunga toa batiye readers jaise chal rahi hai chalne du ya late update chalenge?

 

[Shahrukh]

Jaisa chal raha hai chalne do bhai

 

[sam_41]

Bhai jaisa chal raha hai chelne do update regular chahiye

 

[arif777]

Jaisa chal rha chalne do

 

[Jasdil]

Shandar update bro

 

[Dhakad boy]

Mast update Bhai

 

[Achin_Saha18]

Next update kab tak ayega

 

[krish1152]

nice update

 

[Iron Man]

UPDATE 24​

Is vakt raat ka samay ho chala tha....


Raj ne biti jindgi mai jo kuch bhi hua
vo bata diya tha apni nayi family member ko
yani ki ramaa and uski betiyo ka

Aisha ki umar 16 thi vo bhi samaj daar thi usko bhi samaj aa raha tha


Ramaa...
beta hum kaha Jaa rahe hai abhi tum kaha rahte ho


Pata toa mahima garima ko bhi tha
villa a. Kaha hai aur uski kya kimat hai parantu
unhone kabhi nahi deka tha usko


Raj ne unko apni Kasam bhi de di thi
Ki vo kuch na puche usse kyuki ye saara Paisa uska hai


Vo aisa puch ke raj ko naraz nahi karna chahti thi aakhir itne saalo baad vo apne bhai se mili hai aur uspe sak kare


Aakhir bichare ne kitni jillat jheli hai usi ke ghar mai
Vo dono apne bhai ko pura pyar dena chahti hai


Raj...
Chachi hum pahunch ne hi wale


Raj ne is vakt goad mai utha rakha tha kirti ko aur vo villa a. Ke gate Tak pahuch gaye


Jaha us villa ka 1600 gaj yani 1 bigha mai fela size dek ke mahima and garima ko yakin nahi tha ab vo yaha rahegi


Ye unke udaypur wale ghar se double tha size mai aur usse jyda luxurious lag raha tha


(Abhi tak maine villa ka description dhang se nahi diya hai andar kaise rooms hai kya hai vo sab baad mai milega )


Vahi is samay ramaa ki aakho se aasu bah rahe the raj ne use
ye ghar sambhalne ke liye kaha hai usse yakin nahi tha


Aisa koi kaise kar sakta ek sadak pe rahne wali aurat aur uski bacchi jo bheekh maangti hai unko koi is mahal ka sadsya kyu banega


Usne kaamp te hotho se pucha raj kya hum yaha rahenge
Kya ye tumhari jagah hai


Sab ko pata tha yahi sach hai lekin sabhi raj ke muh se sunne ke liye utsuk the


Raj...
Muskurate hue ji ye ab hamara matlab hum sabka Ghar hai


Aisha...usko bhi koi pyar karne wala bada bhai mil chuka tha


Par ek chiz notice karne wali thi usko raj ki property se koi farak nahi pada jaise Tanya ko nahi pada tha


Na hi usko koi hairani thi vo normal hi rahi


Usse bas is baat ki khusi ho rahi thi uski maa ko bheekh nahi mangni padegi
Usko ek beta mil gaya


Usne ek chiz aur soch Li thi aaj se mere upar hak sirf raj bhai ka hoga unki marzi ke bina mai kuch nahi karungi vo jaisa bolenge Aisha vaise banegi


Raj ne bhi ye baat notice karli
Pata nahi kyu raj ke system ne use kuch bola tha
Jab vo raste mai aa rahe the


Noor...
Raj mujhe ek baat kahni hai
mujhe nahi pata par mai kuch powerful chiz smell kar paa rahi hu kuch postive aura


Tumhare aas pass kisi ek bande mai jisme maano tumhari tarah ek aura ho
Vo kaafi strong bhi hai


Raj...
Raj ko kuch nahi sujhta
vo behad gambhir lahze mai bolta Hai tum kiski baat kar rahi ho Noor


Noor...
Raj mujhe yakin hai koi bohat hi powerful chiz tumhare saath hai


Raj...
Mahima and garima didi nahi ho sakte kyuki mai subah bhi mila usnse


Noor...
Raj tab mai sense nahi kiya kuch aisa
Vo toa jabse tumne in tino ko bachaya tab se feel ho raha


Noor...aunty toa simple hai unke chances nahi hai raj
Ab bache do tum samaj rahe hona raj


Raj...
Uske roohe khade ho jaate vo samaj chuka tha Noor usse kya kah rahi koi uske jitna powerful uske nazdik hai


Raj...
Noor kya mujhe koi khatra hai


Noor...
Nahi raj vo ek postive aura hai aur usse tumko khatra nahi
Aur raj jaha tak mai andaja laga rahi hu
Vo abhi 10 percent hi active hai


Uski full power ka sayad andaja na laga sake abhi hum


Raj...
Thik hai Noor mai pata karunga


Noor...
Haa raj aur agar ye sach hai tumko future mai us power ki need hogi
Tumko pata hai 2 log kon hai jinko dekhna hai tumko


Raj...
Raj ek dum gambhir tha
Haa Noor mai dhyan dunga


Kisi ko yakin nahi tha ye kya hai koi itni alishan jagah is seher mai kaise kharid sakta hai


Ek baar fir raj ne unko surprise kar diya aakhir vo hai kon kisi ko nahi pata


Noor...
Vaise raj
I am proud of you raj sach mai
mai tumhe hi deserve karti hu


Raj...
Thankyou Noor


Noor...
Raj unlogo ko yakin nahi hai dhere dhere hoga


Raj...
Haa Noor dekhta hu


Tabhi bahar dodte hue kittu bittu aa gaye the


Kittu ne bittu ko ishara kiya usne sabhi ladies se bags le liya


Bittu...
raj bhaiya mai in bags ko rakh aata hu hall mai


Raj...
Haa jaao aap rakh aao
Aur ruko jara
Kittu and bittu bhaiya
Ye dono meri didi hai
Ye hai mahima didi
Ye hai garima didi


Kittu bittu hello garima didi hello mahima didi


Dono hello bhaiya


Raj...
Ab se ye mere saath hi rahengi inko kuch bhi jarurat ho dek lena


Raj...
Kittu and bittu bhaiya
Ye hai meri Chachi ji
Ramaa
Ye meri behen Aisha
Aur ye meri sbse choti gudiya kirti
Ye bhi yahi rahenge aap Inka bhi dhyan rakhna


Kittu and bittu hello baccho
Namaste Chachi


Ramaa raj se itna samaan paa kar bohat khush thi vo usse beta maane lagi thi
Aur thoda beta wala hak bhi jamane lagi thi


Raj uski baat se samaj gaya tha aur vo bohat khush tha usse koi toa milega Jo uspe Mamta ka laad de sake


Ek 2 maa toa phele hi thi uspe simran and Tina...uski principal madhu bhi isi line mai hai
Ek maa uska chupke se paalan karti thi anjali
Ek aur aa gayi ramaa


Is vakt raj garima ke gale mai haath daale chal raha tha


Ramaa ne kirti gaud mai pakad rakha tha


Vahi kittu bittu bag leke hall mai chale gaye


Vahi Aisha mahima ke haath mai khana tha jo kittu bittu hotel se laaye the


Raj ne un dono ko bhi aaj badiya hotel mai khane bol diya jiska bill raj ne diya tha
Ye uski taraf se treat thi un dono ko


Vahi raj ka bank balance 200 crore tha usko koi fikar nahi thi apni life ki uspe bohat Paisa tha aur uske pass supreme card tha


Tabhi raste mai parking aayi
Ek baar fir sabki nazar gaadi pe jam chuki thi


Vaha do chamcha mati super cars thi jo mahima garima ne Syd deki ho par ramaa Aisha ne nahi deki hongi


Is baar raj ne dobara ye notice Kiya ki Aisha ko inse bhi koi farak nahi pada
Usse baada aacharya tha


Itni choti Umar mai uska itna mature level kahi vo jo soch raha hai vo sahi toa nahi


Khair usne kaha abhi time hai is chiz ko baad mai dekhnge


Ramaa...
Beta ye kiski gadiya hai


Raj ko uske is sawal pe badi hasi aayi vo janta tha ye aurat bhi bholi hai


Iska pati ke kaafi bills the jo usne chukaye nahi the ek number ka sharabi tha vo kudh toa mar gaya par uski jindgi bigad gaya


Raj...
Ye sab meri Chachi aur meri behno ki hai


Mahima...
Sacchi bhai ye cars teri hai? Tu Aaj inse college kyu nahi aaya fir


Garima...
Yahi mai jaana chati hu


Raj...
Muskurate face ke saath bola kyuki mujhe simple rahna pasand hai


Inse kal apun shopping pe chalenge sabhi khushi khusi andar aa gaye !!


Ramaa...
Mahima didi ye bag aap mujhe dedo mai kitchen mai jaake sabke liye khana nikal deti hu
Aap baccho ko bhukh lagi ho na

Mahima usko hug karte hue aur halka sa peeth mai mukka marte hue...
Mai naa apko aunty bolungi agar dobara aapne didi bola toa


Ramaa...
Nahi nahi aunty nahi aur hasne lagi
mahima laao vo bag dedo tum sabke liye khana nikal lu


Garima...
Aap rukiye mai nikal deti hu


Ramaa...
Garima tum fresh ho jaao beta mai kar deti hu


Raj...
Chachi didi sahi bol rahi hai abhi hum sab todha Beth jaate fir kar lena


Ramaa...
Raj tumne phele hi kaha tha na mujhe kaam karne se nahi rakhoge


Mahima...
Hasne lagi unki aise baato pe
Didi aapne toa raj ki firki Leni shuru kardi
Ab raj ka chera dek ramaa bhi hasne lagi


Garima...mahima tu Jaa ramaa didi ke saath kitchen mai


Aisha... Hichkichati hui chere ke saath dhere se garima se boli
Garima didi kya aap mujhe bata sakti ho fresh hone kaha jaau


Dosto ye ghar ek 100 kamre ka ghar tha har koi dek hairan tha bhul bhulaiya thi ye
Ye anti dust tha bahar ki dhul ki hawa nahi aati thi
Bahar kittu bittu ke liye guard room tha jisme 4 kamre the
25 gadiyo ki parking thi
Sundar sa garden tha 400 gaj ka
Pool tha 100 gaj ka
200 gaj ki gym and games corner
Total 3 floor the isme
Ground floor jaha koi nahi rahta tha
First floor jaha raj rahta tha
Second floor Khali
Third floor Khali
Ek floor pe 25 kamre


Garima...
Bhai tu bata de hume kis kamre mai rahna hai matlab hum kidhar shift ho


Garima ne ye sawaal raj se pucha vo chati thi uska bhai batae ye

Raj...
Raj khada hoke garima ke pass us alishan sofe tak gaya aur jaake uske pairo ke pass gutne mod ke Beth Gaya


Raj...
Kya kya meri didi meri izazat lengi Aaj toa aapne Aisa kah diya dobara mere samne Aisa mat kahna

Ye jo kuch bhi hai sab aaphi ka hai mujhse pehle meri har chiz pe meri garima didi ka hak hai
Samji aap agar dobara aisa kuch kaha mai ye villa aapke naam kar kahi dur chala jaaunga Dhyan rakha aap


Aur uski aakho mai aasu the
Garima uski aasu ko chum ke pii jaati


Ye nazara dek mahima aur ramaa ki bhi aakhe gili thi


Ramaa...
Ye bagwan kyu tune mujhe ek aisa beta nahi diya kya kami thi mujhme
Pata nahi kyu iski maa ne aise bacche ko choda
Kitna sundar hai mera beta


Mahima bhi soch rahi thi kitna pyar karta hai raj apne parivaar se
Sach mai ye hi hamara saccha bhai hai


Aisha hi thi jo muskura rahi thi vo roi nahi thi
Raj bhaiya aapme jara sa bhi ghamand nahi
Sach mai aise log kisi khas kaam se aate hai is dharti pe


Garima...
Maaf karde bhai dobara mai hi tujhe pe kukum chalungi
jab tak Tanya nahi aa jati


Raj...
Nahi uske baad bhi aap hi chalogi
Uske baad raj sarma gaya usko jaise hi use samaj aaya Tanya nahi aa jaati ka matlab


Mahima piche se aake chamat laga deti raj ke gaal pe


Ab tak kirti bhi uth jaati hai aur mumma ye hum kaha aa gaye


Ramaa...
beta hum bhaiya ke ghar mai hai


Raj...
Ab firse nahi chachi


Ramaa...
Sorry beta
Kirti hum apne ghar mai hai


Kirti...
Sacchi bhaiya kya hum yahi rahenge yahoo karke raj ki taraf daud laga deti


Raj...
Haa gudiya hum yahi rahenge


Aisha...didi bata do pls


Garima...arre mai toa bhul hi gayi ruk batati hu


Ramaa didi phela hak mai aapko deti hu aap sabse badi ho aur ab hamari family ka head bhi


Ramaa...
Rote hue raj ko dekhti hai fir mahima ko
Dono has ke gardan haa mai hila dete


Garima ke gale chipak jaati hai ramaa
Fir usko chod raj ko bhao mai bhar ke uske mathe pe kiss kar deti


Ramaa...garima beta kya mai aisa kahti hu ye ek toa hamare bete ne itna bada Ghar le rakha hai toa


Hum sab yahi ground floor pe hi shift ho jaae


Raj... Kuch sochte hue
Nahi chachi mai nahi ho sakta kyuki mai already first floor pe hu


Mahima garima ko bhi laga sayd raj Tanya ki vajah se soch raha ho


Lekin raj ek system holder tha first floor pe ek raaj hai jiska pata baad mai chalega
Usko ek privacy chaiye isiliye usne first floor chuna


Raj...
Chachi didi aap log pls bura mat maana


Garima...
Thik hai ek kaam karte mai mahima aur didi kirti hum sab yahi ground floor pe shit ho jaate hai tu first floor pe hi shift rah aur tera dhyan rakhne ke liye mai Aisha ko vahi shift karva deti hu


Kyu Aisha kya tumhe koi dikkat hai


Aisha...
Nahi didi mai bhaiya ka dhyan rakhungi koi dikkat nahi


Garima...
Ramaa didi aapko koi dikkat toa nahi na


Ramaa...
Nahi beti mujhe koi dikkat mujhe toa khusi hogi raj akela nahi hoga


Raj...
Ne phele socha ki Aisha parshan hogi
Tabhi uske dimak mai baat khatak gayi Noor wali aur usse yakin tha ye Aisha ke alava aur koi nahi


Raj...
Raj ne uski dark web se history nikali usko info nahi mili ye ek hairan karne wali baat thi


Bas itna pata tha ye ramaa ki beti hai
Aisha ka raj pata chalne mai bada vakt hai


Raj...
Chachi didi aap log room choose kar lijiye aur mahima didi aap khana nikal lijiye ramaa chachi ke saath mil ke


Tabhi raj ko haa bolke sab chali gayi kaam pe


Ramaa ne room no 3 liya
Sabhi room delux the kaafi bade the ramaa aur kirti bohat khush the

Mahima ne room no 1

Garima ko room no 2 pasand aaya

Raj aur Aisha vahi khade the


Aisha...
Bhaiyaa chale please


Raj...
Haaha behna mai toa bhul hi Gaya chalo upar apne garib khane pe


Aisha...
Muskurate hue chal deti hai


Raj...
Aisha tum konsi class tak padi ho


Aisha...
Todha udas hoti hui bhaiya vo maine apni 12 th ki thi pichle saal


Raj...kya matlab tumhari 12th ho gayi kaise itni jaldi matlab tum toa 16 ki ho


Aisha...bhaiya vo na maa ne meri sidha admission 1 St mai karaya tha


Raj...
Hmm tabhi


Raj...madhu ko call lagata hai aur bolta hai
Hello aunty


Madhu...kon bol raha hai
kiski aunty


Raj...sorry aunty gussa kyu ho mai jaldi aaunga na aapke pass firse


Madhu...sorry ke bacche tu maar khaega ye nahi ek baar bhi meri yaad Karle
Mera toa koi hai nahi ek tu hi tha tu bhi bhool gaya


Aur kya baat baat pe aunty aunty bolta hai
Tu mujhe mosi bulaya kar kaha tha na tujhe


Raj...haste hue lo ek aur jud gayi parivaar mai


Raj...
Accha meri pyari mosi ji suniye na fir aap aisa kijiye apna tranfer Kara lijiye Mumbai

Aap pali hills school mai apna transfer karva sakti ho
Fir aap yahi mera parivar mai rahogi aur dobara mat bolna aapka koi nahi


Varna mai kabhi baat nahi karunga madhu khush hote hue beta kya sach mai tu mujhe rakega apne yaha apne ghar


Raj...haanji mosi mai mazaak nahi kar raha ye ghar bhi meri mosi ka hai


Madhu...thik hai bete mai jaldi aa rahi hu teri class lene Mumbai tu rukjaa bas


Vaise tune phone kyu kiya koi madad chaiye


Raj... Aapko kaise pata hairaan hoke

Vahi washroom se bahar aake Aisha ssab sun rahi thi


Madhu...bete teri mosi ke saath teri teacher bhi hu

Raj...accha mosi ek kaam karva sake ho pls mera


Madhu...bol beta


Raj...mosi vo ek meri behen hai kya aap uska bhi dummy graduation degree banva sakti


Madhu...haa beta koi dikkat nahi tune bola aur teri mosi ye bhi na kar paaye aisa nahi hoga


Raj...
Mosi aap apne saath hi aana saare documents
aur transfer ka maine aapke liye apply kar diya hai


Madhu...hairaan hote hue kaise


Raj ne dophar ko Tina ke ghar mai kunnu ke saath Aram karte hue
pali hills school ke trustee ko school ke liye 2 crore bej diye the ye rasta Noor ne bataya tha aur usne naam madhu ka diya tha ki usne baccho ko donation diya hai jo apne kharche nahi le sakte


Trustee ne khush hoke uska transfer apne school mai hi karva liya


Madhu...hmm toa bete pura plan bana ke betha tha tu nautanki


Raj...hehehee aa jaao jaldi samji aap bye bye mosi


Madhu... Bye beta jaldi aati hu


Aisha...
Aapko logo pe itna bharosa hai
Uski Rahasyamayi muskan bheetar tak vichlit kar gayi raj ko


Raj...
Mai logo ka aura mehsoos kar leta hu Aisha
Is baar raj ne bhi vahi muskaan di


Aisha...
Is baar baar Aisha hairan hui
Fir kuch der mai boli
Bhaiya mai ek wada karti hu aapse aaj se ye life aapki hai mujhe aapki chizo mai koi dil chaspi nahi na hi apni zindgi mai
Lekin aapne ye samaan jo meri maa ko diya hai vo mera saccha bhai bhi nahi de sakta tha


Vo aake raj ke gale lag gayi aur boli
Bhaiya Aaj se ye Aisha aapki hai sirf aapki


Uske chote chote nipple raj ko chub rahe the vo bohat sundar sexy thi sahi mamle mai vo joohi se todhi jyada aakarshak thi


Noor...raj mai is vakt vahi aura bohat matra mai feel kar paa rahi hu

Raj...raj sayad ye bhi vahi hai jo humne socha tha

Noor...haa raj ye vahi hai lekin abhi hume isko bhoolna hoga isko time lagega


Maine almost kundal ka naksha suljha lia hai aaj se 30 din baad vo pura khatam hoga


Raj...thik hai Noor
Abhi tak Aisha raj ki baho mai thi


Raj ko bhi uske boobs ka ehsaas ho raha tha


Raj...hmm tum toa sach mai badi ho rahi


Jaise hi ye Aisha ne suna usko samaj nahi aya
Jab usne raj ki aakho ka picha kiya
vo sharma ke niche baag gayi

Baaki kal ke update mai dosto !! Bye bye

Shandar jabardast lovely update