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I don’t know how many student teacher relationships you are aware of. There is so much social taboo and stigma and additionally, professional boundaries and sanctions around this that make it virtually impossible for a vast majority of such relationships to bloom, and even if they do, they die an untimely death. But that does not deter the matters of heart.
In 1996, Mary Letourneau, a 34-year-old American teacher and her student, Vili Fualaau, started off a sexual relationship. At that time, their relationship attracted serious media scrutiny. Of course, their sexual relationship was a case of statutory rape and Ms. Letourneau was rightly given more than seven years of prison sentence. Doubters, at that time, may have thought that this was an end to their relationship… but the couple endured and married after Mary was released from prison, in 2005. Unfortunately, their relationship could not relationship could not endure the demands of marriage and after 12 years of marriage, they legally separated. Mary died of cancer this July. While several such relationships are driven by sexual attraction, what Mary and Vili had was much more than that. They wanted to be in a wedlock and enjoy life as husband and wife. The couple was parents to two children together.
How many such relationships do we know from our lives? I think that many students must have fantasized about the romance of falling for their teacher(s) and I suspect that many teachers too must have imagined what it would be like to have a relationship with their student(s). I had a huge crush for my science teacher when I was young. She was a beautiful person – both from outside and inside. In one of the most daring acts that I ever committed in my life so far, I told her that I wanted to marry her. Any other teacher would have given me a punishment, and/or escalated the matter to the principal, and from there to my parents. But she handled it with so much grace and told me that I did not know enough about what marriage entails for one, and second, she was not interested anyway as she was seeing someone else. The way she explained it to me made sense to me and perhaps those lascivious feeling morphed into feelings of respect for her.
I do not know how many teachers would publicly admit to their interest in their students. In many countries, any sexual relationship between a student and a teacher leads to an immediate dismissal of the teacher. Please understand, I am not trying to make an argument challenging the rightness of such actions. Teachers are trusted authority and they should never abuse or compromise that authority. What I am trying to challenge here is the notion that teachers will not or can not have feelings for their students. I am sure, as human beings, it is possible. It happens in all sorts of professions – between colleagues, between boss and subordinates etc. Remember, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky? But that relationship was purely sexual. I will doubt any claims of pure romance in what Clinton and Lewinsky had. Other issue is that people can have feelings… but that does not mean that those feelings must be acted upon! I mean, how many times we want to publicly beat certain politicians? But how many times do we act upon that feeling? There are boundaries that should not be crossed.
But sometimes, some of these boundaries may become blurred. And when that happens, teachers are more likely to get in trouble. The subject of intimacy between student and teacher is a taboo subject. And any such acts are quickly branded shameful, and teachers are expected to hide and hate their feelings. I think, if such feelings can be acknowledged and discussed, rather than branding them as shameful, then teachers can maintain their graceful control of the situation and may not cross any boundaries.
In our culture, teachers are put on very high pedestal. They are referred to as ‘guru-dev’, where dev is like God. Even if we discount such divine allusions, they are like ‘parent figures’ for better or worse. Such high pedestals add to the confusion. For one, parents are not supposed to and expected to be romantically involved with their children… also, they are not supposed to and expected to have feelings of admiration and attraction. That is morally wrong. But psychology indicates that parents only become aware of their children’s attractiveness to others, because they themselves are aware of their child’s attractiveness. Please try to recall how many fathers respond to their daughters’ growing sexuality by suddenly distancing themselves physically from their daughters, and/or discouraging their daughters’ attempts to look glamorous (make-up, clothes, fashion). Imagine, how conflicting this can be! I imagine that many teachers too must feel similar conflicts and, in the process, may become confused, scared. They might think ‘I should not have these feelings. I am a bad person.’ And because of social taboo, I wonder how much professional support is available in such cases. In the process, both the teacher and the student are left in emotional limbo.
This story explores a similar relationship. It is in a way my ode to my science teacher. I published it to Xossip in English stories section. But there were not many readers then. So, I am re-posting it here. Of course, I have modified the story. Of course, there is no underage reference. Of course, it is a romantic story. Of course, it has strong sexual content. Of course, there is heartache. Of course, it is enjoyable.
In 1996, Mary Letourneau, a 34-year-old American teacher and her student, Vili Fualaau, started off a sexual relationship. At that time, their relationship attracted serious media scrutiny. Of course, their sexual relationship was a case of statutory rape and Ms. Letourneau was rightly given more than seven years of prison sentence. Doubters, at that time, may have thought that this was an end to their relationship… but the couple endured and married after Mary was released from prison, in 2005. Unfortunately, their relationship could not relationship could not endure the demands of marriage and after 12 years of marriage, they legally separated. Mary died of cancer this July. While several such relationships are driven by sexual attraction, what Mary and Vili had was much more than that. They wanted to be in a wedlock and enjoy life as husband and wife. The couple was parents to two children together.
How many such relationships do we know from our lives? I think that many students must have fantasized about the romance of falling for their teacher(s) and I suspect that many teachers too must have imagined what it would be like to have a relationship with their student(s). I had a huge crush for my science teacher when I was young. She was a beautiful person – both from outside and inside. In one of the most daring acts that I ever committed in my life so far, I told her that I wanted to marry her. Any other teacher would have given me a punishment, and/or escalated the matter to the principal, and from there to my parents. But she handled it with so much grace and told me that I did not know enough about what marriage entails for one, and second, she was not interested anyway as she was seeing someone else. The way she explained it to me made sense to me and perhaps those lascivious feeling morphed into feelings of respect for her.
I do not know how many teachers would publicly admit to their interest in their students. In many countries, any sexual relationship between a student and a teacher leads to an immediate dismissal of the teacher. Please understand, I am not trying to make an argument challenging the rightness of such actions. Teachers are trusted authority and they should never abuse or compromise that authority. What I am trying to challenge here is the notion that teachers will not or can not have feelings for their students. I am sure, as human beings, it is possible. It happens in all sorts of professions – between colleagues, between boss and subordinates etc. Remember, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky? But that relationship was purely sexual. I will doubt any claims of pure romance in what Clinton and Lewinsky had. Other issue is that people can have feelings… but that does not mean that those feelings must be acted upon! I mean, how many times we want to publicly beat certain politicians? But how many times do we act upon that feeling? There are boundaries that should not be crossed.
But sometimes, some of these boundaries may become blurred. And when that happens, teachers are more likely to get in trouble. The subject of intimacy between student and teacher is a taboo subject. And any such acts are quickly branded shameful, and teachers are expected to hide and hate their feelings. I think, if such feelings can be acknowledged and discussed, rather than branding them as shameful, then teachers can maintain their graceful control of the situation and may not cross any boundaries.
In our culture, teachers are put on very high pedestal. They are referred to as ‘guru-dev’, where dev is like God. Even if we discount such divine allusions, they are like ‘parent figures’ for better or worse. Such high pedestals add to the confusion. For one, parents are not supposed to and expected to be romantically involved with their children… also, they are not supposed to and expected to have feelings of admiration and attraction. That is morally wrong. But psychology indicates that parents only become aware of their children’s attractiveness to others, because they themselves are aware of their child’s attractiveness. Please try to recall how many fathers respond to their daughters’ growing sexuality by suddenly distancing themselves physically from their daughters, and/or discouraging their daughters’ attempts to look glamorous (make-up, clothes, fashion). Imagine, how conflicting this can be! I imagine that many teachers too must feel similar conflicts and, in the process, may become confused, scared. They might think ‘I should not have these feelings. I am a bad person.’ And because of social taboo, I wonder how much professional support is available in such cases. In the process, both the teacher and the student are left in emotional limbo.
This story explores a similar relationship. It is in a way my ode to my science teacher. I published it to Xossip in English stories section. But there were not many readers then. So, I am re-posting it here. Of course, I have modified the story. Of course, there is no underage reference. Of course, it is a romantic story. Of course, it has strong sexual content. Of course, there is heartache. Of course, it is enjoyable.
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