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Update 72
The room was quiet.
Kinza sat alone on her bed, her knees drawn close, her phone resting beside her. Her university books were still open on the desk, and her final-year design sketches lay scattered across the pages of her notebook.
She was supposed to be studying.
She had promised herself that she would organise her schedule, concentrate on her examinations, and make the next two months count.
But her mind had other plans.
No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, one person kept finding his way into her thoughts.
Bilal.
Bhai.
Her Younger Brother
His smile.
His teasing.
His unexpected kindness.
His messages.
His mysterious way of saying just enough to make her think—and never quite enough to give her a clear answer.
Kinza lowered her head and closed her eyes.
Oh, Bilal. What have you done to me?
She already knew the answer to the question she had been avoiding.
She was in love with him.
Not merely fond of him.
Not simply attached to him because they spoke every day or because he remembered the little things that mattered to her.
She had developed feelings that followed her into the quietest moments of her day.
She caught herself thinking about him when she woke up, wondering what he might be doing while she studied, and imagining what it would feel like to sit across from him and look into his eyes without a screen separating them.
Sometimes, something as simple as seeing his name on her phone could change her mood.
And that was precisely what frightened her.
She had allowed someone to become important to her without ever knowing for certain what she meant to him.
I am in love with you, you ridiculous man.
The words formed clearly in her mind.
For a moment, she imagined saying them aloud.
Her heart tightened.
She immediately shook her head.
No. Absolutely not.
She could admit the truth to herself.
She could sit alone in her room and acknowledge every feeling she had tried to hide.
But telling Bilal first?
No.
Not because she believed a woman was incapable of confessing her feelings, or that doing so would make her weak.
She simply knew herself.
She wanted to feel that the person she loved had chosen to open his heart to her willingly.
She wanted to hear his truth without having to pull it out of him.
She wanted to know that he had reached the same understanding on his own.
And somewhere deep inside, she wanted to experience the vulnerability of being the person who was finally told, rather than the person who had to risk everything by speaking first.
Why should I have to say everything?
She pressed a cushion against her chest and stared at the wall.
Haven't I already given you enough hints?
Haven't I wearing all stuff for him which a sister can never wears for a brother?
A hundred, she thought.
Perhaps not literally a hundred, but enough that she had lost count.
She had teased him in ways she never would have teased someone whose opinion meant nothing to her.
She had asked questions that carried meanings beyond their ordinary words.
She had lingered over conversations, searched for explanations in his pauses, and given him opportunities to speak whenever their discussions approached something personal.
She had made herself more transparent than she intended.
Or at least, she thought she had.
How much clearer do you expect me to be? Should I write it on a piece of paper and put it in your suitcase?
Despite herself, she almost smiled.
Then the smile faded.
Because Bilal never seemed to take the final step.
He would come close enough to make her heart race, then retreat behind a joke.
He would say something that sounded meaningful, then remind her that the timing wasn't right.
He would leave a thought hanging between them and behave as though it could safely remain there forever.
And she would be left trying to understand what he hadn't said.
You know what you're doing, don't you?
She wasn't sure whether he truly understood the effect he had on her.
Perhaps he was being careful.
Perhaps he had his own fears.
Perhaps he was waiting for the right moment, just as he had said.
But another part of her wondered whether he simply enjoyed keeping the mystery alive.
That possibility irritated her.
You cannot keep giving me reasons to hope and then expect me to be satisfied with questions.
She turned onto her side and looked at her phone.
It was only an ordinary object.
Yet it had become a doorway to a person she missed even when they had spoken only a few hours earlier.
She hated how easily her thoughts returned to him.
She hated that she could be angry with him and still feel a rush of happiness when she remembered something kind he had done.
Most of all, she hated that she couldn't simply switch off her feelings because they had become inconvenient.
I love you.
The thought returned, quieter this time.
And I wish I knew what you feel.
For a moment, the frustration gave way to fear.
What if she had misunderstood everything?
What if his attention, his generosity, his teasing, and his affection meant something different to him?
What if she had been building a future in her imagination while he was simply enjoying the present?
Kinza sat up abruptly.
No. I can't keep doing this to myself.
She had examinations to prepare for. She had a final-year project to complete.
She had designs to develop, deadlines to meet, and a future that deserved her full attention.
She couldn't spend the next two months examining every sentence Bilal sent her, wondering whether one particular word concealed a confession.
She couldn't keep living between hope and uncertainty.
And she certainly couldn't allow her feelings to become the centre of her entire life.
Her expression grew firm.
Fine, Bilal.
You want to wait until after the exams?
Then we'll wait.
She would respect the time they had agreed to give themselves.
She wouldn't force the conversation.
She wouldn't send another hundred hints.
She wouldn't manufacture another opportunity to make him speak.
For the next two months, she would concentrate on herself.
Her studies would come first.
Her final-year project would come first.
Her peace of mind would come first.
But after her examinations, she wanted the uncertainty to end.
She wanted an honest conversation.
She wanted to know what all those unfinished sentences and carefully chosen words had meant.
She wanted him to stop leaving her to guess.
And if he still refused to give her a clear answer, she would make a decision of her own.
If you don't tell me everything after my exams, I'll block you.
The thought startled her with its intensity.
She imagined removing his contact, blocking his number, and closing the door on the daily routine she had come to treasure.
No more waiting for his messages.
No more checking whether he was online.
No more wondering whether his silence meant something.
No more allowing one person to occupy so much space in her heart while leaving her uncertain about her place in his.
I'll never speak to you again.
Her throat tightened.
I'll never wait for another call.
I'll never look at your pictures to make myself feel better.
And if I ever see you again, I'll keep walking.
She tried to imagine that future.
A life in which Bilal was no longer part of her daily routine.
A life in which she no longer had to wonder what he meant.
A life in which she could finally stop loving someone who had never given her the answer she needed.
For a few seconds, the imagined silence felt peaceful.
Then the truth caught up with her.
She didn't want that life.
She didn't want to lose him.
She didn't want to pretend that their conversations had meant nothing or that his kindness had never touched her.
The thought of never seeing his face again hurt so much that she pressed her lips together and looked away.
I don't want to block you, Bilal.
Her eyes softened.
I want you to give me a reason not to.
That was the real conflict.
She wanted to protect herself, but she didn't want protection to mean losing someone she loved.
She wanted to be strong enough to walk away, but she desperately hoped she would never have to prove it.
She wanted him to confess, yet she feared what his confession—or his refusal to make one—might reveal.
She wanted clarity more than anything.
But she wanted that clarity to come from him freely.
She didn't want to beg for affection.
She didn't want to persuade someone to choose her.
She didn't want a confession given out of guilt, pressure, or fear of losing her.
She wanted an answer that belonged to him.
An answer she could trust.
Kinza wiped her palms over her face and took a deep breath.
Maybe he is scared too.
The possibility crossed her mind reluctantly.
Perhaps Bilal was struggling with feelings he didn't know how to express.
Perhaps he was waiting because he wanted to approach the subject carefully.
Perhaps his insistence on the right time meant exactly what he said.
She couldn't know.
And she was tired of pretending she could read his mind.
Then speak when you're ready, she thought. But don't expect me to wait forever.
She looked toward her desk.
Her design notebook was still open. Her examination schedule remained pinned beside it, reminding her that two months could pass quickly.
She had work to do.
A future to build.
A life that belonged to her, regardless of what Bilal eventually decided to say.
She stood, gathered her scattered sketches, and returned them to their folder. Then she arranged her books for the next day's work.
Slowly, the room began to look organised again.
Her feelings, however, remained a mess.
She sat down at her desk and opened her project notebook.
At the top of a fresh page, she wrote:
Two months. Focus on myself. No more guessing.
She stared at the words before adding one final line.
After my exams, I need the truth.
Kinza put down her pen.
She still loved him.
She still wanted him to be the one who spoke first.
And she was still terrified that the answer might not be what she hoped.
But she had made herself one promise: she would not remain suspended in uncertainty forever.
If Bilal finally opened his heart, she would listen.
If he told her he needed more time, she would decide whether she could give it.
And if he continued to avoid the truth, she would walk away—even if doing so broke her own heart.
She switched off the desk lamp and settled into bed.
In the darkness, she allowed herself one final thought.
I love you, Bhai. More than you probably realise.
A pause.
But after my exams, it's your turn.
She closed her eyes, holding tightly to both her hope and her resolve.
For now, she would say nothing.
No confession.
No confrontation.
No more hints.
The next move was his.
And for the first time,
Kinza understood that waiting for someone to speak was not the same as waiting for her own life to begin.
The room was quiet.
Kinza sat alone on her bed, her knees drawn close, her phone resting beside her. Her university books were still open on the desk, and her final-year design sketches lay scattered across the pages of her notebook.
She was supposed to be studying.
She had promised herself that she would organise her schedule, concentrate on her examinations, and make the next two months count.
But her mind had other plans.
No matter how hard she tried to concentrate, one person kept finding his way into her thoughts.
Bilal.
Bhai.
Her Younger Brother
His smile.
His teasing.
His unexpected kindness.
His messages.
His mysterious way of saying just enough to make her think—and never quite enough to give her a clear answer.
Kinza lowered her head and closed her eyes.
Oh, Bilal. What have you done to me?
She already knew the answer to the question she had been avoiding.
She was in love with him.
Not merely fond of him.
Not simply attached to him because they spoke every day or because he remembered the little things that mattered to her.
She had developed feelings that followed her into the quietest moments of her day.
She caught herself thinking about him when she woke up, wondering what he might be doing while she studied, and imagining what it would feel like to sit across from him and look into his eyes without a screen separating them.
Sometimes, something as simple as seeing his name on her phone could change her mood.
And that was precisely what frightened her.
She had allowed someone to become important to her without ever knowing for certain what she meant to him.
I am in love with you, you ridiculous man.
The words formed clearly in her mind.
For a moment, she imagined saying them aloud.
Her heart tightened.
She immediately shook her head.
No. Absolutely not.
She could admit the truth to herself.
She could sit alone in her room and acknowledge every feeling she had tried to hide.
But telling Bilal first?
No.
Not because she believed a woman was incapable of confessing her feelings, or that doing so would make her weak.
She simply knew herself.
She wanted to feel that the person she loved had chosen to open his heart to her willingly.
She wanted to hear his truth without having to pull it out of him.
She wanted to know that he had reached the same understanding on his own.
And somewhere deep inside, she wanted to experience the vulnerability of being the person who was finally told, rather than the person who had to risk everything by speaking first.
Why should I have to say everything?
She pressed a cushion against her chest and stared at the wall.
Haven't I already given you enough hints?
Haven't I wearing all stuff for him which a sister can never wears for a brother?
A hundred, she thought.
Perhaps not literally a hundred, but enough that she had lost count.
She had teased him in ways she never would have teased someone whose opinion meant nothing to her.
She had asked questions that carried meanings beyond their ordinary words.
She had lingered over conversations, searched for explanations in his pauses, and given him opportunities to speak whenever their discussions approached something personal.
She had made herself more transparent than she intended.
Or at least, she thought she had.
How much clearer do you expect me to be? Should I write it on a piece of paper and put it in your suitcase?
Despite herself, she almost smiled.
Then the smile faded.
Because Bilal never seemed to take the final step.
He would come close enough to make her heart race, then retreat behind a joke.
He would say something that sounded meaningful, then remind her that the timing wasn't right.
He would leave a thought hanging between them and behave as though it could safely remain there forever.
And she would be left trying to understand what he hadn't said.
You know what you're doing, don't you?
She wasn't sure whether he truly understood the effect he had on her.
Perhaps he was being careful.
Perhaps he had his own fears.
Perhaps he was waiting for the right moment, just as he had said.
But another part of her wondered whether he simply enjoyed keeping the mystery alive.
That possibility irritated her.
You cannot keep giving me reasons to hope and then expect me to be satisfied with questions.
She turned onto her side and looked at her phone.
It was only an ordinary object.
Yet it had become a doorway to a person she missed even when they had spoken only a few hours earlier.
She hated how easily her thoughts returned to him.
She hated that she could be angry with him and still feel a rush of happiness when she remembered something kind he had done.
Most of all, she hated that she couldn't simply switch off her feelings because they had become inconvenient.
I love you.
The thought returned, quieter this time.
And I wish I knew what you feel.
For a moment, the frustration gave way to fear.
What if she had misunderstood everything?
What if his attention, his generosity, his teasing, and his affection meant something different to him?
What if she had been building a future in her imagination while he was simply enjoying the present?
Kinza sat up abruptly.
No. I can't keep doing this to myself.
She had examinations to prepare for. She had a final-year project to complete.
She had designs to develop, deadlines to meet, and a future that deserved her full attention.
She couldn't spend the next two months examining every sentence Bilal sent her, wondering whether one particular word concealed a confession.
She couldn't keep living between hope and uncertainty.
And she certainly couldn't allow her feelings to become the centre of her entire life.
Her expression grew firm.
Fine, Bilal.
You want to wait until after the exams?
Then we'll wait.
She would respect the time they had agreed to give themselves.
She wouldn't force the conversation.
She wouldn't send another hundred hints.
She wouldn't manufacture another opportunity to make him speak.
For the next two months, she would concentrate on herself.
Her studies would come first.
Her final-year project would come first.
Her peace of mind would come first.
But after her examinations, she wanted the uncertainty to end.
She wanted an honest conversation.
She wanted to know what all those unfinished sentences and carefully chosen words had meant.
She wanted him to stop leaving her to guess.
And if he still refused to give her a clear answer, she would make a decision of her own.
If you don't tell me everything after my exams, I'll block you.
The thought startled her with its intensity.
She imagined removing his contact, blocking his number, and closing the door on the daily routine she had come to treasure.
No more waiting for his messages.
No more checking whether he was online.
No more wondering whether his silence meant something.
No more allowing one person to occupy so much space in her heart while leaving her uncertain about her place in his.
I'll never speak to you again.
Her throat tightened.
I'll never wait for another call.
I'll never look at your pictures to make myself feel better.
And if I ever see you again, I'll keep walking.
She tried to imagine that future.
A life in which Bilal was no longer part of her daily routine.
A life in which she no longer had to wonder what he meant.
A life in which she could finally stop loving someone who had never given her the answer she needed.
For a few seconds, the imagined silence felt peaceful.
Then the truth caught up with her.
She didn't want that life.
She didn't want to lose him.
She didn't want to pretend that their conversations had meant nothing or that his kindness had never touched her.
The thought of never seeing his face again hurt so much that she pressed her lips together and looked away.
I don't want to block you, Bilal.
Her eyes softened.
I want you to give me a reason not to.
That was the real conflict.
She wanted to protect herself, but she didn't want protection to mean losing someone she loved.
She wanted to be strong enough to walk away, but she desperately hoped she would never have to prove it.
She wanted him to confess, yet she feared what his confession—or his refusal to make one—might reveal.
She wanted clarity more than anything.
But she wanted that clarity to come from him freely.
She didn't want to beg for affection.
She didn't want to persuade someone to choose her.
She didn't want a confession given out of guilt, pressure, or fear of losing her.
She wanted an answer that belonged to him.
An answer she could trust.
Kinza wiped her palms over her face and took a deep breath.
Maybe he is scared too.
The possibility crossed her mind reluctantly.
Perhaps Bilal was struggling with feelings he didn't know how to express.
Perhaps he was waiting because he wanted to approach the subject carefully.
Perhaps his insistence on the right time meant exactly what he said.
She couldn't know.
And she was tired of pretending she could read his mind.
Then speak when you're ready, she thought. But don't expect me to wait forever.
She looked toward her desk.
Her design notebook was still open. Her examination schedule remained pinned beside it, reminding her that two months could pass quickly.
She had work to do.
A future to build.
A life that belonged to her, regardless of what Bilal eventually decided to say.
She stood, gathered her scattered sketches, and returned them to their folder. Then she arranged her books for the next day's work.
Slowly, the room began to look organised again.
Her feelings, however, remained a mess.
She sat down at her desk and opened her project notebook.
At the top of a fresh page, she wrote:
Two months. Focus on myself. No more guessing.
She stared at the words before adding one final line.
After my exams, I need the truth.
Kinza put down her pen.
She still loved him.
She still wanted him to be the one who spoke first.
And she was still terrified that the answer might not be what she hoped.
But she had made herself one promise: she would not remain suspended in uncertainty forever.
If Bilal finally opened his heart, she would listen.
If he told her he needed more time, she would decide whether she could give it.
And if he continued to avoid the truth, she would walk away—even if doing so broke her own heart.
She switched off the desk lamp and settled into bed.
In the darkness, she allowed herself one final thought.
I love you, Bhai. More than you probably realise.
A pause.
But after my exams, it's your turn.
She closed her eyes, holding tightly to both her hope and her resolve.
For now, she would say nothing.
No confession.
No confrontation.
No more hints.
The next move was his.
And for the first time,
Kinza understood that waiting for someone to speak was not the same as waiting for her own life to begin.