Chapter 36
The mall was a temple of consumerism, a sprawling ecosystem of chrome, glass, and tantalizing scents. Eva, who usually processed environments as data—footfall statistics, acoustic damping coefficients, optimal customer flow patterns—was today operating on a different frequency. Today, she was on a mission: Field Research: The Shopping Spree Ritual.
Arjun met her at the entrance, looking slightly bewildered, as if he’d been teleported from his dark cave of servers into a blindingly bright dimension of perfume and pop music. His eyes widened when he saw her. She was dressed for the part—effortlessly chic, a look that said ‘I might accidentally buy this entire store.’
“You came!” she said, beaming, and hooked her arm through his with a proprietorial air that made his heart skip a beat.
“Where’s the fire?” he asked, letting her lead him into the gleaming atrium.
“No fire,” she stated, her eyes scanning the directory with laser focus. “Only opportunity. First target: accessories. A handbag is a foundational element for a successful outing. It must balance capacity, aesthetic appeal, and brand cachet.”
Arjun blinked. “Right. Cachet. Very important.”
The first store was a haven of soft leather and quiet luxury. Eva moved through it not like a giddy shopper, but like a forensic investigator. She picked up bags, assessing their weight, strap length, and internal compartmentalization with a serious frown.
“This one has unsatisfactory zipper action,” she declared, rejecting a thousand-dollar clutch.
She finally settled on a sleek, minimalist crossbody bag. She held it up, looking at Arjun. “Well? Does it elevate my overall aesthetic?”
He was utterly lost. He’d never been asked to evaluate aesthetic elevation before. “You… you look great. You always look great. The bag is… also great?”
Eva sighed, a fondly exasperated sound. “A ‘great’ is not a data point. Is it a ‘wow’? A ‘stunning’? A ‘I must acquire this for my girlfriend immediately’?”
A sales associate glided over, smelling commission. “An excellent choice, ma’am. It’s our last one.”
That did it. Eva’s eyes lit up. “Scarcity increases perceived value by an average of 32%.” She looked at Arjun, her expression shifting from analyst to pleading girlfriend. Her bottom lip jutted out just so. “Baby? It’s the last one.”
Arjun was a goner. He saw the logic (scarcity!), he saw the beauty (her face!), and he felt the strange, primal urge to be the provider. He pulled out his wallet before his brain could engage his bank account. “We’ll take it.”
The victory was swift. The bag was boxed. The ritual had begun.
Next was a clothing boutique. Here, Eva’s process was even more fascinating to watch. She’d hold up a dress, look at Arjun, and ask for his opinion. He’d stammer something like, “It’s blue?” and she’d nod, filing his response away as ‘unhelpful but emotionally supportive,’ before making her own, lightning-fast decision based on fabric composition and cut.
She disappeared into a changing room with an armful of clothes and emerged ten minutes later in a stunning emerald green dress that perfectly complemented the ‘Hague Blue’ accent wall she’d somehow internalized as her color palette.
She did a small turn. “Well?”
Arjun’s mouth went dry. All he could manage was a strangled, “Wow.”
Eva’s face broke into a brilliant smile. “ ‘Wow’ is a 9.8 on the approval scale. Excellent data point.” She looked at the price tag, then back at him, a mischievous glint in her eye. “The ‘wow’ has a significant financial correlation.”
“I don’t care,” Arjun said, and he meant it. The look on her face was worth every rupee.
The boxes piled up. A pair of shoes with “optimal height-to-comfort ratio.” A silk scarf that “added a necessary variable of texture.” Arjun’s credit card emitted a soft, whimpering sound every time it was swiped, but he just kept grinning like an idiot.
During a brief respite at a coffee shop, Arjun checked his phone. A text from Rohan had come in an hour ago.
ROHAN: Status report. How bankrupt are we?
ARJUN: We’ve moved from ‘ financially concerned’ to ‘embracing the inevitable.’ She just called a pair of heels ‘a worthy investment in vertical optimization.’
ROHAN:
I told you. She’s a menace. A beautiful, brilliant menace.
ARJUN: The best menace.
He looked up from his phone to see Eva not analyzing the crowd or the architecture, but simply watching him with a soft, unguarded expression. The calculator behind her eyes was gone. In its place was something warmer.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice quiet, losing its analytical edge. “For today. For not saying no.”
“I could never say no to you,” he said, and it was the simplest, truest thing he’d ever said.
She reached across the table and took his hand, her thumb stroking his knuckles. The new ring on her finger sparkled. “The acquisition of goods was satisfactory,” she said, her tone formal, but her eyes were dancing. “But the primary bonding mechanism was the company. Your presence has a 100% success rate in elevating my happiness metrics.”
Arjun laughed, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it. “Good. Because my credit card’s success rate is now at 0%.”
She giggled, that real, unfiltered sound he loved. The mission was complete. The data was gathered. The Shopping Spree Ritual was deemed a success, not because of the bags at their feet, but because of the shared, silly, wonderful memory now stored in both of their hearts.
The mall was a temple of consumerism, a sprawling ecosystem of chrome, glass, and tantalizing scents. Eva, who usually processed environments as data—footfall statistics, acoustic damping coefficients, optimal customer flow patterns—was today operating on a different frequency. Today, she was on a mission: Field Research: The Shopping Spree Ritual.
Arjun met her at the entrance, looking slightly bewildered, as if he’d been teleported from his dark cave of servers into a blindingly bright dimension of perfume and pop music. His eyes widened when he saw her. She was dressed for the part—effortlessly chic, a look that said ‘I might accidentally buy this entire store.’
“You came!” she said, beaming, and hooked her arm through his with a proprietorial air that made his heart skip a beat.
“Where’s the fire?” he asked, letting her lead him into the gleaming atrium.
“No fire,” she stated, her eyes scanning the directory with laser focus. “Only opportunity. First target: accessories. A handbag is a foundational element for a successful outing. It must balance capacity, aesthetic appeal, and brand cachet.”
Arjun blinked. “Right. Cachet. Very important.”
The first store was a haven of soft leather and quiet luxury. Eva moved through it not like a giddy shopper, but like a forensic investigator. She picked up bags, assessing their weight, strap length, and internal compartmentalization with a serious frown.
“This one has unsatisfactory zipper action,” she declared, rejecting a thousand-dollar clutch.
She finally settled on a sleek, minimalist crossbody bag. She held it up, looking at Arjun. “Well? Does it elevate my overall aesthetic?”
He was utterly lost. He’d never been asked to evaluate aesthetic elevation before. “You… you look great. You always look great. The bag is… also great?”
Eva sighed, a fondly exasperated sound. “A ‘great’ is not a data point. Is it a ‘wow’? A ‘stunning’? A ‘I must acquire this for my girlfriend immediately’?”
A sales associate glided over, smelling commission. “An excellent choice, ma’am. It’s our last one.”
That did it. Eva’s eyes lit up. “Scarcity increases perceived value by an average of 32%.” She looked at Arjun, her expression shifting from analyst to pleading girlfriend. Her bottom lip jutted out just so. “Baby? It’s the last one.”
Arjun was a goner. He saw the logic (scarcity!), he saw the beauty (her face!), and he felt the strange, primal urge to be the provider. He pulled out his wallet before his brain could engage his bank account. “We’ll take it.”
The victory was swift. The bag was boxed. The ritual had begun.
Next was a clothing boutique. Here, Eva’s process was even more fascinating to watch. She’d hold up a dress, look at Arjun, and ask for his opinion. He’d stammer something like, “It’s blue?” and she’d nod, filing his response away as ‘unhelpful but emotionally supportive,’ before making her own, lightning-fast decision based on fabric composition and cut.
She disappeared into a changing room with an armful of clothes and emerged ten minutes later in a stunning emerald green dress that perfectly complemented the ‘Hague Blue’ accent wall she’d somehow internalized as her color palette.
She did a small turn. “Well?”
Arjun’s mouth went dry. All he could manage was a strangled, “Wow.”
Eva’s face broke into a brilliant smile. “ ‘Wow’ is a 9.8 on the approval scale. Excellent data point.” She looked at the price tag, then back at him, a mischievous glint in her eye. “The ‘wow’ has a significant financial correlation.”
“I don’t care,” Arjun said, and he meant it. The look on her face was worth every rupee.
The boxes piled up. A pair of shoes with “optimal height-to-comfort ratio.” A silk scarf that “added a necessary variable of texture.” Arjun’s credit card emitted a soft, whimpering sound every time it was swiped, but he just kept grinning like an idiot.
During a brief respite at a coffee shop, Arjun checked his phone. A text from Rohan had come in an hour ago.
ROHAN: Status report. How bankrupt are we?
ARJUN: We’ve moved from ‘ financially concerned’ to ‘embracing the inevitable.’ She just called a pair of heels ‘a worthy investment in vertical optimization.’
ROHAN:

ARJUN: The best menace.
He looked up from his phone to see Eva not analyzing the crowd or the architecture, but simply watching him with a soft, unguarded expression. The calculator behind her eyes was gone. In its place was something warmer.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice quiet, losing its analytical edge. “For today. For not saying no.”
“I could never say no to you,” he said, and it was the simplest, truest thing he’d ever said.
She reached across the table and took his hand, her thumb stroking his knuckles. The new ring on her finger sparkled. “The acquisition of goods was satisfactory,” she said, her tone formal, but her eyes were dancing. “But the primary bonding mechanism was the company. Your presence has a 100% success rate in elevating my happiness metrics.”
Arjun laughed, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it. “Good. Because my credit card’s success rate is now at 0%.”
She giggled, that real, unfiltered sound he loved. The mission was complete. The data was gathered. The Shopping Spree Ritual was deemed a success, not because of the bags at their feet, but because of the shared, silly, wonderful memory now stored in both of their hearts.
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