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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2022 ~ Results ★☆★
- Thread starterLucifer
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Hey there! The contest has finally come to an end. I would like to thank all the participants and readers for making it a huge success.
Without wasting any further time, lets move onto the results. The first position is a tie, harshit1890 with his suspense thriller masterpiece "Everything Is Binary" and Mahi Maurya with her wonderful story "कर्मों का फल"..
And now not too far behind first place, coming in at second place our very own Sasha! with her extraordinary story "This Shall Too Pass..." A wonderful wonderful story.
Now at 3rd place we have SANJU ( V. R. ) with his wonderful work "ये कैसी बिदाई ।"
Now for Best reader award, it goes to Jaguaar.
Also, Death Kiñg also gets 250 likes for his superb reviews.
Now the winner of our brand new" Spammer Award "Its none other then Siraj Patel with almost 9000 posts
.(is this guy a bot? ) Anyways, Good Job there Siraj 
.
A heartily congratulations to all of them.
Without wasting any further time, lets move onto the results. The first position is a tie, harshit1890 with his suspense thriller masterpiece "Everything Is Binary" and Mahi Maurya with her wonderful story "कर्मों का फल"..
And now not too far behind first place, coming in at second place our very own Sasha! with her extraordinary story "This Shall Too Pass..." A wonderful wonderful story.
Now at 3rd place we have SANJU ( V. R. ) with his wonderful work "ये कैसी बिदाई ।"
Now for Best reader award, it goes to Jaguaar.
Also, Death Kiñg also gets 250 likes for his superb reviews.
Now the winner of our brand new" Spammer Award "Its none other then Siraj Patel with almost 9000 posts
.(is this guy a bot? ) Anyways, Good Job there Siraj .A heartily congratulations to all of them.
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Prizes
Position | User | Benifits |
|---|---|---|
Winner | harshit1890 and Mahi Maurya |  750 Rupees each + Award + 15 days sticky Thread each (Stories) |
1st Runner-Up |  500 Rupees +2500 Likes + 15 day Sticky thread (Stories) | |
2nd Runner-UP | 5000 Likes + 7 Days Sticky Thread (Stories) + 2 Months Prime Membership | |
Best Supporting Reader | Jaguaar |  Award + 1000 Likes+ 2 Months Prime Membership |
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REVIEWS BY JUDGE
PART - I
Points: 9.5/10
Story : Everything Is Binary
Written by: harshit1890
Review: Overview - It feels good jab aap contest judge ho and pehli he story Hariya bhai ki ho it really feels good. Waise sach kahun toh main ek typical Harshit1890 story expect kar raha tha ekdum horror thriller rongtey khaddey kardene waali because obviously you are harshit1890 afterall so aapse expectations humesha bahot high he rehti hain. Being a fan of yours maine dil par pathar rakh k ye story padhi, obviously kuch words yaa yun kahun kuch terms k liye mujhe google kaa istemaal karna padda lekin jyaada tricky nahi tha it all made sense to me. Ek type k fraud se suru hui story world end takk gayi ye bhalla kissne expect kiya hoga :bow:. Characters jyaada nahi they lekin jo they on point they koi bhi forcefully added character story mein nahi tha. Time paradox ko ek entertaining way mein sabko samjhaane ki koshish ki jo mere hissab se safal rahi. Pros - I know story kaa plot unique tha and bahot saari knowledge lag gayi hogi story ko likhte time but ye mera favorite part nahi tha story mein. Mera favorite part story kaa tha story ki start jab aapne character ki ek type se job kaa description diya in details, listen i know this is a short story contest but i am all about the details i love when something is described thoroughly, Phising kaa jikar hua uski income ka jikar hua open source OS kaa jikar hua script kaa jikar hua halt kaa jikar hua and ye sab aapne ek he paragraph mein gently describe kardiya :bravo: wahin se story ne ek impact bana liya tha for me. Then my second favorite part of the story was the flow of this story from beginning to end was just amazing like main ek sath story ko end takk continously chase kar shakta tha and still main sabkuch samjhte hue end takk pohanch jaata just so good.. Cons :- Ab obviously as i said aapse expectations humesha high he rehti hain issliye first of all this story deserved an more in depth ending, ending was pretty weak i dont know reason kya tha maybe jaldbaaji (i dont think so) Maybe word count (i dont think so) yaa maybe suspense create rakhne ki koshish (maybe) but jo bhi tha ending was the weakest point of the story. Jaldbaaji dikhaai aapne first story post karne k liye i think jo obviously Harshit1890 se hum expect nahi kartey not at all.. Overall a wonderful story a must read.I don't know about the other judges but for me this is an easy winner.
Points: 6/10
Story : SEXCAPADES WITH SISTER - IN - LAW (YOUNGER BROTHER'S WIFE)
Written by: Captain Jack Sparrow
Review: Overview :- It is a typical Bollywood webseries type of story but with a good narration and logical dialogues. I just read Harshit1890's thriller masterpiece and now i am reading a sensuously hot story that shows how much talented Xforum's writers are. As i said earlier story was a typical sex story and focused on Babhi and devar relationship. Pros -The best part of the story was the introduction in the beginning where you talked about The relationship between Rashmi and jishu and how she changed for her lover you perfectly described your motive behind this story in the first paragraph so it was easier for people to get used to the story.. Overall a good story. Cons:- Story was mainly focused on sex so obviously I'll talk about sex scenes . Sex scenes in this story were too much for me it was kind of slow and everlasting that felt boring and unnecessary to me you should've easily added many things to both the story and sex scenes because of the tremendous start you had but sadly in the end it just became another Desi sex story..
Points: 7.5/10
Story : Ajeeb Raat
Written by: Geralt of rivia
Review: Overview- A horror genre story filled with thrill and suspense, kahani shuru hoti hai aman se jo ki station par pahuchne me late ho gaya tha and jaise taise usne train pakdi aur isi ke sath is kahani ne apni raftar, uske baad raat me aman ki aankh khulna, jungle me khade tarin ke dabbe me apne aap ko akela pana, fir jaise taise road par aana aur lift mangne ki koshish karna aur fir sneha aur uske bhai ka milna, this scene was written perfectly jiska pata end me chalta hai, aman ek bhoot tha jo ki sneha bhi thi isiliye shayad aman kewal sneha ko dikha ho.. uske baad ka auto driver ke sath ka conversation was good. Pros- The end twist, this story stands out on various points aur kahani ki sabse main baat ye thi ke ye kahani aapko bore nahi hone degi, writer ne kahani me romanch barabar banaye rakha hai, har line padhne ke baad aapko aage kya hoga janne ki utsukta rehti hai, kahani apne title ko bakhubi justify karti hai, sach me wo raat ajeeb lagti thi whereas for me the end twist of this story makes this one special, kahani padhte huye koi andaja nahi laga payega ke aman ek bhoot hai ya uske sath koi hadsa hua hai, ha sneha ko lekar mann me doubt hota hai ke waha mamla gadbad hone ke chances hai lekin aman ke mamle me aisa nahi hai, aur ye baat writer ne bahut ache se likhi hai. Cons- Lack of fear factor. Horror story me darr ka sabse ahem role hota hai aur wahi is kahani me missing tha, kahani ek suspense thriller ke roop me kafi achi lagti hai but horror genre ke drishtikon se utni hi kamjor, yaha writer ko thodi aur mehnat karni chahiye thi jisse padhne walo k mann mein thoda darr ka ehsas ho, starting me jungle ka scene aur bhi badhiya tarike se describe kiya ja sakta tha, overall main ise horror kehne se jyada thriller story kehna pasand karunga, writer has done a superb job writing this one, umeed hai aage bhi aapse aisi behtarin kahaniya dekhne milengi.
Points: 7/10
Story : Purwa aur Geeta
Written by: Md sultantipu40
Review: Overview- A thriller story, kahani shuru hoti hao do baccho se jo apni nani se kahani sunane ki jidd karte hai aur unki nani unhe kahani sunati hai geeta ki ya yu kahe purwa ki, aur yaha se shuru hota hai flashback jaha huye hai teen murders jinke investigation ke liye bulaya gaya hai inspector kiran ko.. jiske baad inspector kiran apni chhan bin ke dauran geeta urf purwa ki kahani pata lagati hai ke kaise un teen logo ne jinka khun hua tha unhone purwa par atyachar karke usse aur uske pariwar ko maar diya, then ek hi samay ek hi hospital mein geeta aur purwa dono ko rakha gaya jaha geeta ne dum tod diya aur purwa ki aatma jise pratishodh chahiye tha usne geeta ke sharir me pravesh kar liya aur fir un teeno ko maar kar apna badla pura kiya. Pros- The Concept, kahani ka concept bahut hi badhiya choose kiya hai writer ne, it is a perfect plot for thriller murder mystery story jisme writer ne thoda fantasy ka tadka bhi lagaya hai yaha purwa ki aatma geeta ki body me jati hai, pehle to padhne walo ko lagta hai ke geeta purwa ka punarjanm hai jo ki humne kayi baar filmo mein bhi dekha hai aur yahin writer baji maar jata hai aatma exchange wale concept se.. inspector kiran ka character writer ne bahut achi tarah se portray kiya hai, that was good. Cons- Narration, Dialogues, Lack of details, jaha ek taraf kahani apne concept ko lekar stand out karti hai wahi uska narration thoda weak point ban jata hai, sath hi kahani ke dialogues readers par utna jyada impact nahi daal pate hai, ek murder mystery story ko uski details sabse khas banati hai, muder ki planning se leke execution tak har chiz ka important role hota hai jo yaha is kahani mei missing laga, geeta ne teen logo ko maar diya par uske piche ki backstory, planning writer ne nahi batayi, teen logo ko maarna itna aasaan nahi hota hai. jis tarah ki story nani ne baccho ko sunayi hai jisme rape se leke murder tak sab tha use sun kar bade logo ka bhi dimag thoda bigad jayega lekin bacche use achese samajh gaye that was starnge... overall kahani kafi badhiya tha but aur bhi badhiya ho sakti thi.
Points: 8/10
Story : JEE LOON TUJHE
Written by: Death kiñg
Review: Overview - superb story. Ek tarfa pyar kya hota hai aur wo apne pyar ke liye kis kadar samarpit hota hai ye aap ne is kahani ke jariye bakhubi darshaya hai Story start hoti hai shivam se uske bhai ke chalte vivad se jisme shivam apne sath khele kismat ke khel ko batata hai lekin baad me uski kismat use asli khel dikhati hai jisme use ek ladki se pyar ho jata hai jiska pehle se hi ek chota bachha hai Shivam iske baad bhi supriya ki har tarha ki madat karta hai aur usse apna pyar kam nahi karta balki waqt ke sath sath wo badhta jata hai lekin baad me jab use supriya ki health problem pata chalti hai aur wo use thik karne ke liye jo kadam uthata hai wo shayad hi koi premi apne pyar ke liye karne ki soche bhi :bow: Pros - start me kahani thik se apni pakad nahi bana pati aisa lagta hai ki jaise kuch chut raha hai lekin story ka last part strong tha jis tarha se aap ne use likha hai uski tarif har koi kiye bina nahi rahega. Story ko aapne bahot thoroughly narrate kiya hai jo ek or plus point hai aapki story kaa. Cons - Story kaa main issue tha story kaa flow jo aapki jaldbaaji k kaaran missing tha jisase story padhne mein woh maja nahi aaya. Iske alaawa kuch khas kami nahi thi bas agar kuch aur scene add ho sakte they jaise shivam aur supriya ke bich khushi ke pal jis se last me jab sad part aata to padhne wala us se aur relate kar pata
Points: 7/10
Story : “...Meri Doosri Muhabbat...”
Written by: Aagasthya
Review: Overview - Ek bahot he attpatti kahaani jo apne aap mein confusing hai. Story kaa theme romantic based tha with a lot of sadness but story lacked emotions. Ye story describe karti hai ek ladke ko jo ek failed relationship se bahaar nikala hai or firse ussi raah par chal padta hai ek train journey k dauraan. Pros :Story kaa plot behad common tha lekin aapne apne skills k dawaara usko special banaane ki bharpur koshish ki or usme kuch hadd takk aap kaamyaab bhi hue so props on that. Chitra kaa character bahot he ummda tareeke se dikhaaya aapne jisne story mein 4 chaand laga diye. Cons - Jaisa maine kaha plot common tha lekin aapne kaafi hadd takk isko improve kiya but story kaa flow aap throughout the story catch nahi kar paaye maano aap ek he jagah focus kartey rahe or woh tha plot ko improve karna jabki aapko narration and flow par bhi dhyaan dena chahiye tha. Overall a wonderful story.
Points: 5/10
Story : Aant
Written by: WongLPong
Review: Overview - Hold up ye kya tha bhai? Jarra rukkiye itani bhi kya jaldi hai :doh:. Story kaafi speed par thi infact story nahi summary kehna theek hoga inko. Story mein jab interest bananey laga tha tab story end hogayi. Waah ji waah aise kon karta hai. Readers k sath dhoka. Pros :-Iss choti si kahaani mein mujhe keval ek cheej badhiya lagi jo tha aapka plot aapne ek historical Suspense thriller likhne ki koshish ki and ek hissab se readers kaa interest bhi khich he liya tha aapke plot ne.. Cons:- Itani jaldbaaji kiss cheej ki thi aapko? Arrey thoda or wait kartey last day post kardetey isase acha. Jaisa maine kaha aapne ek ummda plot select kiya tha story k liye lekin unfortunately aap uss plot k sath insaaf nahi kar paaye or story ko bahot he jaldbaaji mein likha or khatam bhi kardiya jiss wajah se kaafi spelling mistakes bhi story mein they. Ek Salaah deta hun thoda itminaan se likha kijiye i am 100% sure you can write a wonderful story..
Points: 6.5/10.
Story : Taash
Review: Overview :- Love at first sight k awesome concept par likhi gayi ek choti si kahani. Ansh or Tanya dono he new businessman they jo start mein as opponents introduce hue they but end mein love birds ban gaye yaa bananey waale they? Pros - Story kaa plot aapne bahot he cute chuna tha, title dekh kar koi keh nahi shakta tha ki ye ek love story hai :D. Jaisa maine kaha kaafi acha plot select kiya aapne or usase bhi achi and interesting start ki aapne. Ek normal se auction scene se suruwaat karke pyaar takk leke gaye aap iss story ko :claps:. Cons :- Sabse pehle toh main mention karna caahunga ki story mein bahot jyaada spelling mistakes thi jiss wajah se story ko padhne mein bahot muskill hui i hope aap aage iss baat kaa dhyaan rakhenge or story post karne se pehle cross check jarur karenge. Dusara issue jo mujhe laga woh tha bahot jyada jaldbaaji dikhaai aapne. Sabkuch sahi select kiya tha aapne lekin jaldbaaji ki wajah se aisa lag raha tha ki story mein bahot kuch missing hai.
Points: 8/10.
Story : Pari
Written by: Indian Princess
Review:Overview- An emotional story which revolves around an mentally disabled girl who has been sexually assaulted. Kahani hai Pari ki jo ki ek mentally disabled ladki hai wo ek din abhinav naam ke bande ke gadi ke saamne aa jati, accident to bach gaya tha but jab abhinav pari ko lekar hospital jata hai to use pata chalta hai ke pari pregnent hai, abhinav pari ki jimmedari apne upar le leta hai, aur pari se emotionally attach ho jata hai, itna ke uske liye wo apni mangetar se bhi jhagda kar leta hai, jiske baad use police dwara pata chalta hai ke pari ka asli naam ragini hai aur majburan abhinav ko use mental asylum me chhod kar wapis aana padta hai but waha fir se pari k sath wahi hota hai jo pehle bhi hua tha, aur ant me jaha ek or abhinav gaadi chalate huye jaha pari ke bare me hi soch raha tha wahi pari bhi pregnancy ki halat me apni abru bachate huye abhinav se milne ki aas me jungle se bhag rahi thi aur wahi aur ant me haalat se majbur hokar wo apni jaan gawa baithi Pros-The concept, kahani ka concept writer ne bahut hi acha choose kiya hai, samaaj me panap rahi vikrit mansikta ko bahut ache se dikhaya gaya hai, jinhe bas ladki se jism ki pyas hai, ye kahani eksath kayi sari mansiktao ko darshati hai, jaha ek aur abhinav positivity aur insaniyat show karta hai, wahi sheetal kuch aise logo ko, kuch aisi mentalities ko show karti hai jo bas apne bare me sochte hai, Abhinav's character stands out in the story, writer ne us character ko bahut hi ache tarike se likha hai, and now coming to Pari, aise complex characters likhna bahut mushkil kaam hota hai jaha aapko kisi ki mansikta, uspar huye atyachar, aur usee us insan ke jivan par mind pe hue asar ko dikhana, writer has done a splendid job portraying Pari Cons- language, depth in dialogues and ending, I think ke agar writer sahiba ye kahani english me likhti, jispar unki kafi achi pakad hai to ye kahani aur bhi jabardast ho sakti hai, kahani ke dialogues ekdum plain se lagte hai, jaha emotional depth dikhni chahiye waha kahani thodi backfoot par chali jati hai, ek emotional story me kayi jagah emotions ki kami saaf mehsus hoti hai sath hi kahani ka end aise lagta hai mano bahut jaldbaji me likha gaya ho, overall it was a good read but ye kahani aur better ban sakti thi.
Points: 7.5/10.
Story : Buree Qismat! Phir bhi too milee
Written by: Bigul
Review:Story is simple but written with good humor and narrators approach is realistic . It consists simple turn of events and daily life of Prabhu while it gives glimpse of society at some places.Iss kahani se mostly Indian ladke relate kar shaktey hain that's what made it even more interesting to read. Pros :- Story is simple but shows small and patient steps taken in love by both sides, while one is nervous to make move and other is waiting for his move. Predictable but enjoyable romance between both main characters.Parbhu kaa character bahot he strong and innocently create kiya hai aapne jisase ussne suru se he readers ko apni taraf attract kiya. Good job on that. Cons :- As I said earlier its a simple & predictable story which makes it regular one , so readers were expecting some thrilling at certain point and different end too, but its still good . Isme kahin kahin aapki jaldbaaji bhi saaf najar aai jiss wajah se story kaa flow bich bich mein missing tha. Overall Its a nice story ,but improvements are must. some hindi words along with english were hard to understand as of spelling mistakes issliye aap ek baar post karne se pehle edit jarur karein story ko.
Points: 7.5/10
Story : Ehsaas
Written by: Baban
Review: Overview : Story is not just about rape of a girl and her revenge but her love for Tanmay too, it's a story how some men consider women inhuman things as they are not real person but a 'thing'. Story k through aapne ek bahot strong message send karne ki koshish ki hai readers ko good job on that. Pros:- Story is well written by writer, while balancing both main characters, it shows her prejudice about Tanmay and then realisation of truth. Maya kaa character bahot jyada strongly likha gaya hai. Story mein emotions ki koi kami nahi thi jinko aapne bahot he ummda tareeke se readers k saamne pesh kiya hai. Cons :-Aapka plot thoda unique tha lekin plot k hissab se aapne story ko narrate nahi kiya narration kaafi weak thi aapki you need to work hard on the narration part otherwise the story was wonderful. Also kuch parts mein aapne jaldbaaji bhi dikhaai jiss wajah se kuch important scenes ajeeb lage but woh aap easily improve kar shaktey ho. Overall a must read..
Points: 6.5/10.
Story : Rita ki adhuri life
Written by: Ritadanny
Review: Overview :-: Story Rita ki hai, jo ek unsatisfied housewife thi witer wrote about Rita's sexual desires and expectations but also societies view over lonesome married women. Story should have been continued with an ending. Pros - Behad common plot choose kiya aapne or usske through he society ko ek message dena caaha, good job on that.Story beshak short thi but throughout the story aapka narration bahot he badhiya tha so props on that. Cons - Story bahot jyaada short thi, bahot kuch missing tha story mein, jab story mein interest banana suru hua tabtak story over hochuki thi as a reader i wanted more from this story. Isme aap easily improvements kar shakti thi by adding some details to the story.. Overall an good read.
Points: 6.0/10.
Story : Baap ka paap
Written by: Blood Diamond
Review: Overview :- Story contains rape like it is part of revenge, no matter what it is but rape is not ok in our society . Story was ok till revenge but not for rape. I am not a fan of rape concept but as they say to each there own, overall a valid attempt. Sanjay or Harish dono ko aapne same kisti (boat) mein baithaaya hai according to readers.Jisase story kaa concept kaafi awkward hogaya. Pros :Story kaa plot kaafi ummda tha lekin keval revenge takk revenge mein same cheej add karke aapne story ko plot se hata diya. Sanjay and Harish dono k he characters ko aapne kaafi ache se show kiya. Dono he characters ko strongly construct kiya gaya tha well done. Cons :Story kaa flow missing tha suru se he or narration weak hone k kaaran flow ki kami or khali, spelling mistakes hone k kaaran story ne thoda or uncomfortable kiya readers ko..Unfortunately story k through aap jo message dena caah rahe they woh readers takk convey nahi kar paaye.
Points: 6.5/10.
Story : Lallu laal
Written by: Geralt of Rivia
Review: Overview:- Story starts with an average 27 year old Rohan who's living introverted life but soon this girl Neha came to his life and miserable things happen. Overall story kaa build up bahot he badhiya tha but story kaa concept mujhe samjh mein nahi aaya ki aap kya implement karna caahtey hain. Pros: Haalanki aapka narration and plot kaafi weak tha lekin still aapne story k plot par focus rakha and aapne story kaa flow maintain rakha suru se leke middle takk. Jisase readers kaa interest plot weak hone k baad bhi bana raha.Cons:-Overall a good story but ended soon it seems, jaisa maine kaha plot and narration kaafi weak they but plot k piche ki reasoning still mujhe samjh mein nahi aai but maybe i am too dumb. Overall good and entertaining story. Sarcasm in adequate places made it better.
Points: 7.5/10.
Story : HAPPY NEW YEAR
Written by: Kala Nag
Review: Overview : A thrilled story where predator becomes pray and that too without knowing how that happened.A very well written story. Kahani mainly 3 characters k irrd girrd ghumti hai Jeet, Julie or woh Chor. Pros:Story is well written without loosing track and end twist was unpredictable. Plot bahot he behatrin select kiya aapne so good job on that. Suspense bhi bahot he ummda create kiya hai aapne jisane story mein 4 chaand laga diye.. Writer has taken every measure to hook readers till end of the story, overall its a nice and enjoyable story. Cons:- Bhalle he plot aapne behtarin select kiya lekin still aapne kaafi jaldbaaji dikhaai story ko orr interesting banaaya jaa shakta tha agar aap narration par dhyaan detey toh uss wajah se story adhuri lagi. Overall a must read..
Points: 7.5/10.
Story : Kashmkash
Written by: Rkarya7979
Review: Overview - A unique story of its own. It's a romantic story with an eye opening message of our busy life, and how we get involved in our work in such manner that we forgot we have a partner also. Story kaafi hattke thi so good job on that. Pros:-Story kaa plot apne aap mein ek plus point tha. It has shown feelings of both husband and wife who almost lost their love life between work cycle, it's not just a story but an eye opener too. Story k dawaara jo message aapne dena caaha woh saaf - 2 readers ko samjh mein aaya, jo ek or positive point hai story kaa. Cons:-Jaisa maine kaha plot behad ummda tha aapka lekin aapki narration plot k hissab se upto standards nahi thi, aapne thodi jaldbaaji dikhaai end mein jiss wajah se flow break hua story kaa or ye unique story ek basic story ki taraf chal paddi. Overall a must read.
Points: 7/10
Story : .INTEKAAM EK AAG
Written by: LEON 33
Review: Overview - very good story Story start hoti hai Valentine week ke start hone se jaha arun apne pyar arohi ko propose karne ki thaan leta hai fir 14th Feb ko ek party plan karke wo use propose karne wala tha lekin story me twist tab aata hai ki sabko arun aur uske dost varun ki lash aur 2 logo ke sath milti hai Sab log police ke jhanjhat me nahi padna chahte isliye body ko pani me fek ke use ek accident ka rup deke bhag jate hai, Wahi us raat arun arushi ko propose bhi karta hai aur arohi bhi uske pyar ko Maan leti hai lekin yaha twist ye aata hai ki arohi unke sath khelti hai aur varun ko bhi apne pyar me fasati hai aur baad me unki ladai unke dosto se Karwa ke unki hatya karwati hai aur arun - varun ko jehar deke maar deti wo is liye ki iski behan in 4ro ke wajah se mari thi.Pros - very strong plot isse achha revenge koi ladki aur kya le sakti hai aise janwaro se jinhone itna ghatiya kaam kiya ho Unki hawas ne unse wo ghatiya kaam karwaya to unki hawas ne hi is baar unki jaan li Very nice. Story apne title k sath ekdum ache se justice karti hai.Cons - plot was good but jis way me aapne likha hai wo story ko minus points deta hai Story mein aur details aur slow honi chahiye thi sath hi story ke scene idhar se udhar udhar se idhar ho rahe they unko bhi agar sahi se likhte to ye story aur jyada better ban sakti thi In short you need to work on your narration.
Points: 7/10
Story : Pariwar ki Shan betiya
Written by: Md sultantipu40
Review:Overview- kahani shuru hoti hai radhika se jo ek business woman hai aur apni beti ko uske 18th birthday par sabse pehle wish karna chahti hai aur jo ki wo karti bhi hai, jiske baad radhika apni beti ke birthday ki khushi me ek jordar party through karti hai aur wahi jate huye kuch past ki yaade uske dimag me chalti hai jise writer ne wahi rok diya, uske baad usi party me radhika apni beti ka rishta bhi pakka kar deti hai aur padhai puri hoti hi shadi ka bhi faisla le leti hai, yaha radhika ne apna past apni beti arti se chhipaya hua hai aise me padhai puri karke arti apni shadi se pehle apne dosto ke sath ghumne jane ka sochti hai jo ki wahi gaon hai jaha radhika badi huyi aur waha arti ki mulakat ek ladke se hoti hai jiske baad arti ko pata chalta hai ke wo uske mama ka ladka hai sath hi ye bhi ke uske mama ne hi uske papa ko mara hai jiske baad wo apni maa ko unki galti ka ehsaas karati hai. Pros- The narration, is kahani ka sabse main point iska narration hi hai, jiske chalte kahani ka flow nahi bigadta hai, the storyline isnot unique but usko present karne ka tarika badhiya hai, is kahani me bahut sari ghatnaye huyi hai aur in sab ko ek short story me likhna mushkil kaam hai jise writer ne bahut ache se kiya hai.. Cons- Character development, Over the top dialogues, and ending, kahani ki raftar bahut tej hai aise me characters ko sahi se develop hone ka mauka nahi mil pata, hum ek character se judne ki koshish karte hi hai ke tabhi naya scene aa jata hai, dialogues bahut hi dramatic lagte hai sath hi kahani ko bas ek prespective se pesh kiya gaya hai jaha radhika ko villain aur arti ko hero dikhaya gaya hai, dusri side pata hi nahi chal pati ke radhika ne kin halato me wo decision liya, wo kyu ghar se bhagi, uske pati ke ghar walo ne use kyu accept nahi kiya, ye baate kahani ko aur rochak bana deti, sath ki kahani ka end kahani ka sabse weak point tha jaha radhika dum tod deti hai, yaha agar wo aryan ki ache se dekhbhal karke pyayaschit karne ki koshish karti to kahani sahi lagti, overall a good story
Points: 8/10.
Story : Dark Memories
Written by: Kingfisher
Review: Overview- Hum log apni jindagi me bahut shanti se rehte hai, apni family ke sath time spend karte hai, bahar bindass ghumte hai, kyuki hame kisi chiz ka darr nahi hota, lekin ye jo azadi hai iske piche hamari army ka bahut bada yogdan hai jo hamare desh ki seemao par hamari raksha ke liye tainat hai, Indian army kisi parichay avyashakta nahi hai, hamari army ne kayi sare yudhh jeete hai jisse apne desh ki kayi musibato se raksha huyi hai aur ye kahani aise hi ek Indian army ke war veteran ki hai, Brigadier Baljeet singh rathore jinhone 1965 ke war me apne desh ki raksha ke liye apni jaan ki bazi lagayi thi, kahani ne brigadier sahab apni poti ko apni hi dairy padh ke suna rahe hai, jisme unki yuddh ke samay ki yaade hai, unke bhai ki yaade hai jo usi jung me ladte huye apne desh ke liye shadid ho gaye the jiske jaad brigadier sahab se apne bhai ke bete ki jimmedari apne uper li aur uski achi dekhbhal ke liye kabhi shadi nahi ki, hamare jawano ko apne desh ki raksha karte huye bahut se khatro ka saamna karna padta hai sath hi kayi kurbaniya bhi deni padti hai jo hum normal citizens kabhi samajh hi nahi sakti, writer ne aise war veteran ki kahani ko bahut hi ache tarike se is kahani dwara prastut kiya hai Pros- The concept, ek rtired brigedier ki kahani ko jis tarah se writer ne yaha pesh karne ki koshish ki hai wo bahut hi badhiya hai, kahani ka plot writer ne bahut achi tarah se choose kiya hai aur sath hi use likhne me writer ne bahut mehnat ki hai jo ki hame kahani ne saaf mehsus hoti hai, war ke scenes aur uski details ko bahut hi badhiya tarike se pesh kiya gaya hai, un incidents ko pata karke likhne se writer ne plot par ki gayi research ka andaja aata hai sath hi kahani ko readers ke samne lane ka tarika is kahani ne bahut badhiya lagta hai, the Diary concept was good, sath hi kahani ne diya gaya emotional touch kahani ko aur bhi badhiya banata hai jisse padhne wale emotions ke sath sath Indian army ke prati garv ka bhi anubhav karte hai, Kingfisher ne koshish bahut hi achi kari hai aur unki mehnat kahani se hame ache se dekhne ko milti hai. Cons :-Story kaa sabse bada issue tha story k flow kaa missing hona woh bhi important scenes k uppar story k key situations ko aapne bahot weakly narrate kiya jiss wajah se story thodi slow hogayi or flow story kaa bahot piche chutt gaya. Spelling mistakes bhi thi story k middle k baad iska matlab aapne jaldbaaji dikhaai end mein jaake.Overall a wonderful story.
Points: 7.5/10
Story : A SIMPLE LOVE STORY
Written by: jai_09
Review: Overview - fabulous story :claps:Story start hoti hai hotel me huwe kuch wardat se Jiski investigation karte 2 police walo se pata chalta hai ki koi 2 lovers mese ladki ne kuch kiya hai jise achhi tarah se suspence me rakha hai Fir baad me story ka main lead kartik dikhaya jata hai jo us ghatna ke baad apne aap ko sambhalne ki koshish kar raha tha Use apne pyar anna ke sapne aate they ya kabhi kabhi use hallucination bhi hota tha jisne anna use sab ke liye doshi Manti thi Tab uski life me dusri ladki maanavi ki entry hoti hai jo uski school friend thi Jo kartik ke halat ke bare me janke badme usse apni najdiki badhati hai Aur kartik bhi Anna ko bhul kar aage move on karne ki koshish karta hai Lekin asali sach to kuch aur hi tha jise aap ne last me ek twist ke roop me dikhaya hai jisse story aur bhi jabardast banti hai Pros - jis tarha story me aap ne suspense ka tadka diya hai usse ye story kafi plus point le jati hai Padhne wale ko bar bar sochna padta hai ki ye horror/crime ya love isme se kis base par he Story me readers ko last tak uljhaye rakhna yahi to asli writer ki pehchan hoti hai :bow: Cons - dekha jaye to ye ek dam perfect story thi bas last me agar thoda dark rakhte to story aur bhi perfect ban sakti thi (jaise kartik ne Anna ke sath wo sab achanak kiya aur baad me itni sari planning karli wo bhi itne sahi se ye atpata laga agar iske jagah koi badi thos wajah kartik ko dete to aur behtar rehta) Story kaa flow bhi aapne middle takk toh barkaraar rakha lekin fir aapne jaldbaaji kardi jiss wajah se flow tutta story kaa or readers unnecessarily distract hue story se.
Points: 5/10
Story : Bete aur maa ka valantine day
Written by: Familychudai
Review: Overview - Ek incest story, typically i am not a fan of incest stories but a contest story is a contest story afterall. Ye story mujhe suru mein kaafi ajeeb lagi because suru mein aisa kuch nahi hua jo story k title ko justify kare Infact mujhe laga ye ek cheating girlfriend story hogi. Lekin aage - 2 story kaa title and motive dono aapne clear kardiye.. Pros - Incest theme ko ek short story contest k liye choose karna humessa he ek risk hota hai jo aapne uthaaya and apne guts k sath jaake aapne ye story likhi good job on that part. Cons - Story bahot jyaada bhagai aapne suruwaat college then achaanak maa ki yaad bina koi reason maa k parti sexual intentions ye sab kuch bahot jaldbaaji mein likha aapne jabki ye sabko easily aap step by step likh shaktey they jisase story kai gunna jyaada hot lagti readers ko but too bad aapne sab kuch pace mein he nikaal diya.. Sex scenes kaafi unrealistic lage mujhe jiss wajah se story thodi or boring ho gayi..
Points: 7/10
Story : Waqt ki sui..
Written by: AbhaySmarty
Review: Overview- The story revolves around the life story of raj, raj jo ki ek anath baccha tha jise akhilesh aur urmila ne adopt kiya tha lekin saal bhar ke ander hi urmila ne ek beti ko janm diya jiske baad jaise jaise raj aur uski behan tina bade hote hai waise waise raj ke prati urmila ke man me nafrat badhti gayi kyuki wo uski beti ke mukable jyada hoshiyar tha, iske chalte raj ko bachpan me kabhi maa ka pyar nahi mila, chuki wo padhne me aur gaane me acha tha uski teacher ne uski bahut madad ki aur use singing classes dilwayi, jiske baad raj ek compitition ke liye mumbai gaya lekin uska waha saaman gum ho gaya, aur jab wo thak kar apne aap ko khatam karna chahta tha tabhi ek successful aadmi ne use sahara diya, use adopt kiya aur use ek famous singer banaya. Pros- The storyline, kahani ki storyline bahut sahi hai jo life struggle ko bahut ache se bayan karti hai, humein hamesha hi wo sab nahi milta jiski humein chah hoti hai. Life kab kaise palat jaye koi nahi keh sakta, and the journey of raj shows exactly that ke kaise ek anath baccha jivan me dherro dukh jhelne ke baad bhi ek successful singer bana. Cons- The pace, kahani ki raftar bahut hi jyada hai aise me characters ko ache se develop hone ka mauka nahi mil pata, kahani ke scenes aise lagte hai mano bahut jaldbaji me likhe gaye ho, wo aadmi jisne raj ki end me jaan bachayi wo kaun tha uska intro ache se nahi diya gaya jiske chalte wo scene kuch adhura ka lagta hai.. sath hi narration mujhe thoda weak laga jise aur bhi behtar karne ka scope tha. Overall a good story.
Points: 7.5/10
Story : Love in local train
Written by: Jaguaar
Review: Overview- A simple romantic story jo ghumti hai do mukhya kirdaro ke ird gird, aman aur sheetal. Aman jo ki ek chote shahar ka ladka hai aur apne hi shahar ki IT company me kaam karta hai aur aaj tak kabhi apne shahar se bahar nahi gaya hai aise me uska promotion aur transfer hota hai mumbai me. Aman apne boss aur gharwalo ke samjhane par mumbai aa jata hai jaha office jate huye pehle din uski mulakat hoti hai sheetal se , fir local me hi un dono ke milne ka silsila badhne lagta hai aur fir jaisa ki amuman prem kahaniyo me hota hai dekhte hi dekhte dono me dosti hoti hai aur fir pyaar, Pros- Narration, kahani ki storyline bhale hi unique na ho lekin use pesh karne ka tarika bahut hi umda hai, first person perspective se likhi gayi is kahani se aap apne aapko connect kar paate hain, ye kahani aapko aise lagegi ke ye mano aapki kahani ho ya aapke kisi jananey wale ki, aur yahi chiz is kahani aur kahani ke lekhak dono ko khas banati hai Cons- overdramatic dialogues and less emotions, kahani ke kuch dialogues bahut dramatic lagte hai jisse thodi cringe wali feeling aati hai sath hi kahani mein aman ki sheetal ke prati bhavnao ko aur bhi ache se bayan kiya ja sakta tha isse romance ka asar aur badh jata, jab sheetal ke 2 din na milne par aman apni bhabhi se baat karta hai us scene mein emotions ki kami saaf mehsus hoti hai Overall kahani manoranjan se bharpur hai, A good story
Points: 8.5/10
Story : ये कैसी बिदाई ।
Written by: Sanju (V.R.)
Review: Overview- Maa ek aisa shabd hai jiske visay me jitni bhi baat ki jaye kam hai, hum maa ke bina apne jivan ki kalpana bhi nahi kar sakte, maa ki mahanta ka andaja isi baat se lagaya ja sakta hai ke insan bhale hi bhagwan ka naam lena bhul jaye lekin maa ka naam lena nahi bhuta, maa ko prem aur karuna ka pratik mana gaya hai, , ek maa duniya bhar ke kasht sehkar bhi apni santan ko ache se ache sukh suvidhaye dena chahti hai aur ye kahani bhi ek aisi hi maa ki hai, jisne jivan bhar dukh sahe lekin apne baccho ko bada insan banaya lekin ant me wahi bacche us maa ko hi bhul gaye, aur aaj jab wo is duniya me nahi hai to apni ki gayi galtiyo ke paschatap me jal rahe hai.. jaha bada beta apne aap ko pariwar ka pet bharme me asmarth batate huye ghar se chala gaya wahi chote bete ne apne bhavishya ke liye apna ghar chhoda aur is beech ye bhi bhul gaya ke ghar par uski maa bhi hai,, an emotional and heart touching story Pros- the storyline, writing and narration, kahani ki story line bahut hi umda hai aur sath hi uska narration jisme ek beta apni ki gayi galtiyo ka paschatap karte huye apni maa ke dukho ki kahani bayan karta hai, is kahani se writer ne aaj ke samaj ki satya paristithi ko batane ka prayas kiya hai aur jisme wo kafi had tak safal sabit huye hai, satya hai, insan ki kadra hamesha uske duniya se chale jane ke baad hi hoti hai aur ant me bachta hai to bas paschatap, kahani emotions se bharpur hai jo aapko apne se connect karti hai. Cons- kahani puri tarah se maa par adharit thi jaha sare kirdar apna kaam bakhubi nibhate hai wahi is kahani me mujhe gudiya ka kirdar thoda sa kamjor pratit hua ke usne bhi apni maa se ek baar bhi milne ki koshish nahi ki aur na hi ramji ne,halanki jo gudiya ke sath hua wo bahut galat tha lekin wo bhi apni maa ki halat ache se jaanti hai, sath hi sanju ke bade bhai ka kirdar bhi thoda kamjor pratit hota hai jise kahani me aur kuch samay milna chahiye tha iske alawa kahani behad hi shandar hai. it is a wonderful story.
Points: 7.5/10
Story : लोकल
Written by: avsji
Review: Overview- A romance theme story, well kahani ka theme regular hai lekin use pesh karne ka tarika is kahani ko ek behtarin kahani banata hai, mumbai ke logo ka aur mumbai ki local ka ek anokha rishta hai jo is kahani ke jariye writer ne bahut bakhubi bataya hai, A simple love story jise har dusre bande ne jiya hai, subah subah office pahuchne ki jaldi, important meeting aise mein cab ka dhoka dena aur end me local mein ek khubsurat ladki se mulakat, ye un chuninda kahaniyo me se ek hai jo aap ke dil ko chhu jaye Pros- the writing and narration, kahani ko bahut khubsurat tarike se likha gaya sath hi kahani ka narration on point hai jo lekhak ke kaushalya ko darshata hai, subah subah local ki gardi, usme safar karne wale alag alag personality wale log unki activities, sab apni jagah par ekdum fit baithte hai, kahani ka title kahani ko bahut ache se justify karta hai, kahani ko end bhi bahut achi jagah kiya gaya hai jisse padhne walo ke man me utsukta rehti hai ke aage inka kya hoga. Cons- ye un chuninda kahaniyo me se ek hai jinme khami dhundhna bahut hi mushkil kaam hai, though kahani ek prem kahani se jyada local par adharit hai mujhe lagta hai yaha character ko thoda aur samay diya jana chahiye tha, unke beech thodi aur baat chit kahani ke char chand laga deti.Narration bahot he badhiya hone k baad bhi aapne story ko ek flow mein nahi likha jiss wajah se story thodi weak lagi. Overall ye ek behad hi umda kahani hai aur hame umeed hai aap aage bhi apni behtareen kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Points: 7.5/10.
Story : tin mulakaten
Written by: Kala Nag
Review: Overview- A crime thriler story jo aapki utsukta banaye rakhti hai, kahani do mukhya kirdaro ke ird gird ghumti hai jinme se ek hai ex police officer santosh kumar mishra jo ki ab ek popular crime thriller novelist hai, aur dusra kirdar hai unki hi ek reader ka, avantika, kahani inhi dono kirdaro ke teen mulakato ke ird grid ghumti hai jiski shuruwat mishra ji dwara apne readers ke liye karaye gaye competition se hoti hai, wahi pehli mulakat mein avantika unhe apni noval likhne ki icha batati hai aur unse margdarshan ki umeed karti hai jise mishra ji swikar karte hai aur yahi se baki do mulakato ka bhi silsila shuru hota hai. Pros- the plot and end twist, kahani ka plot aur uska execution writer ne bahut ache tarike se kiya hai, ek thriller sory mein hone wale sabhi gunn is kahani mein hame dekhne milte hai khas kar ke end twist jo ki is kahani ka main point hai jab mishra ji ko pata chalta hai ke un teen mulakato me avantika kahani likhne ke liye unki madad nahi le rahi thi balki apne hi pati ke khoon ki planning kar rahi thi, writer ne ise bahut ache tarike se likha hai Cons- ek crime thriller story ki sabse khas baat hoti hai readers ki utsukta banaye rakhna jispar ye kahani khari utarti hai lekin kuch kuch jagho par kahani apna rythem kho deti hai, khas kar dusri mulakat mein, waha kahani mujhe thodi boring lagi, teeno mulakato mein characters ke beech conversation bahut hi kam bataya gaya hai, kuch lines me hi ek mulakat khatam ho jati hai use aur bhi badhiya tarike se likha ja sakta tha... overall ye ek behad hi badhiya thriller kahani hai.
Points: 7/10
Story : कानपुर से गोवा : एक यात्रा वृतांत
Written by: DREAMBOY40
Review: Overview- A good light hearted comedy story.. jo ki ghumti hai char dosto ke ird gird jo 50 ki umra paar kar chuke hai aur peshe se lecturer hai, story top to bottom comedy se bharpur hai aur in charo dosto ke goa jane ke plan banane se lekar jhuth bolkar apni apni biwiyo ko manane aur hasi majak ke sath goa pahuchne par adharit hai.. dosto ke sath ghumne ka maja hi alag hota hai khas kar jab dosto ke sath plan goa ka bane.. writer ne in charo ke goa pahucne tak ki journey ko bahut achi tarah se describe kiya hai.. Pros- the language, narration and writing skills.. aapki writing skills baki writer se alag hai, comedy genre me likhna bahut mushkil kaam hota hai par aapne usko bakhubi pura kiya hai, narration was on point, kahani apne title ko justify karte huye pure yatra vrutant ko bakhubi batati hai, aapne journey ke har detail ko aur station to station journey ko ache se likha hai, comic timing and dialogues were written very well Cons- for me jo is kahani ka ek strong point hai wahi kahi na kahi iska weak point bhi hai that is its comedy and dialogues jo kuch jagho par aise lage mano waha jabardasti ghusa diye gaye ho aur wo kahi na kahi thodi cringe wali feel dete hai.Inhi dialogues ki wajah se story kaa flow maintain nahi rakh shake aap jo ek or negative point tha iss kahani ka. overall the story was a good entertainer aur hame umeed hai aap aage bhi aise hi behtarin kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Points: 8.0/10
Story : प्रत्युत्पन्नमतिस्व
Written by: Lews Therin Telamon
Review:Overview- प्रत्युत्पन्नमतिस्व means presense of mind.. well kahani ka title kafi unique choose kiya hai writer ne and I am sure ke ise pronounce karne me bhi kafi logo ko dikkat aayi hogi.. now lets move to the story.. kahani Rashmi aur navin ki hai jinki life lockdown hatne ke baad ab wapis se apni line par aa rahi hai.., ek normal insan ka routine, rashmi ka akele apna ghar sambhalna, fir navin ko rijhane ke liye uska tayar hona din ke samay wo news dekhna bahut badhiya tarike se likha hai Pros- story ka theme aur narration, writer ne kahani ka theme bahut acha choose kiya hai aur title bhi jo ki apne aap me bahut unique hai aur kahani apne title ko puri tarah justify karti hai.. kahani padhte huye aage kya hoga iski utsukta bani rehti hai aur fir ek aisa twist jiske bare me kisi ne nahi socha hoga.. writer has done a phenomenal job selecting title and theme for the story Cons- the ending, though kahani ka end ek bahut badhiya twist ke sath hua hai par mere hisab se use bahut jaldbaji me likha gaya hai.. agar writer ending par aur thodi mehnat karte to ye kahani aur bhi jyada badhiya kahani ho sakti thi aur probably is contest ki one of the best story hoti aapne bahut badhiya koshish ki hai aur umeed hai aap aage bhi aisi kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
PART - I
Review: Overview - It feels good jab aap contest judge ho and pehli he story Hariya bhai ki ho it really feels good. Waise sach kahun toh main ek typical Harshit1890 story expect kar raha tha ekdum horror thriller rongtey khaddey kardene waali because obviously you are harshit1890 afterall so aapse expectations humesha bahot high he rehti hain. Being a fan of yours maine dil par pathar rakh k ye story padhi, obviously kuch words yaa yun kahun kuch terms k liye mujhe google kaa istemaal karna padda lekin jyaada tricky nahi tha it all made sense to me. Ek type k fraud se suru hui story world end takk gayi ye bhalla kissne expect kiya hoga :bow:. Characters jyaada nahi they lekin jo they on point they koi bhi forcefully added character story mein nahi tha. Time paradox ko ek entertaining way mein sabko samjhaane ki koshish ki jo mere hissab se safal rahi. Pros - I know story kaa plot unique tha and bahot saari knowledge lag gayi hogi story ko likhte time but ye mera favorite part nahi tha story mein. Mera favorite part story kaa tha story ki start jab aapne character ki ek type se job kaa description diya in details, listen i know this is a short story contest but i am all about the details i love when something is described thoroughly, Phising kaa jikar hua uski income ka jikar hua open source OS kaa jikar hua script kaa jikar hua halt kaa jikar hua and ye sab aapne ek he paragraph mein gently describe kardiya :bravo: wahin se story ne ek impact bana liya tha for me. Then my second favorite part of the story was the flow of this story from beginning to end was just amazing like main ek sath story ko end takk continously chase kar shakta tha and still main sabkuch samjhte hue end takk pohanch jaata just so good.. Cons :- Ab obviously as i said aapse expectations humesha high he rehti hain issliye first of all this story deserved an more in depth ending, ending was pretty weak i dont know reason kya tha maybe jaldbaaji (i dont think so) Maybe word count (i dont think so) yaa maybe suspense create rakhne ki koshish (maybe) but jo bhi tha ending was the weakest point of the story. Jaldbaaji dikhaai aapne first story post karne k liye i think jo obviously Harshit1890 se hum expect nahi kartey not at all.. Overall a wonderful story a must read.I don't know about the other judges but for me this is an easy winner.
Review: Overview :- It is a typical Bollywood webseries type of story but with a good narration and logical dialogues. I just read Harshit1890's thriller masterpiece and now i am reading a sensuously hot story that shows how much talented Xforum's writers are. As i said earlier story was a typical sex story and focused on Babhi and devar relationship. Pros -The best part of the story was the introduction in the beginning where you talked about The relationship between Rashmi and jishu and how she changed for her lover you perfectly described your motive behind this story in the first paragraph so it was easier for people to get used to the story.. Overall a good story. Cons:- Story was mainly focused on sex so obviously I'll talk about sex scenes . Sex scenes in this story were too much for me it was kind of slow and everlasting that felt boring and unnecessary to me you should've easily added many things to both the story and sex scenes because of the tremendous start you had but sadly in the end it just became another Desi sex story..
Review: Overview- A horror genre story filled with thrill and suspense, kahani shuru hoti hai aman se jo ki station par pahuchne me late ho gaya tha and jaise taise usne train pakdi aur isi ke sath is kahani ne apni raftar, uske baad raat me aman ki aankh khulna, jungle me khade tarin ke dabbe me apne aap ko akela pana, fir jaise taise road par aana aur lift mangne ki koshish karna aur fir sneha aur uske bhai ka milna, this scene was written perfectly jiska pata end me chalta hai, aman ek bhoot tha jo ki sneha bhi thi isiliye shayad aman kewal sneha ko dikha ho.. uske baad ka auto driver ke sath ka conversation was good. Pros- The end twist, this story stands out on various points aur kahani ki sabse main baat ye thi ke ye kahani aapko bore nahi hone degi, writer ne kahani me romanch barabar banaye rakha hai, har line padhne ke baad aapko aage kya hoga janne ki utsukta rehti hai, kahani apne title ko bakhubi justify karti hai, sach me wo raat ajeeb lagti thi whereas for me the end twist of this story makes this one special, kahani padhte huye koi andaja nahi laga payega ke aman ek bhoot hai ya uske sath koi hadsa hua hai, ha sneha ko lekar mann me doubt hota hai ke waha mamla gadbad hone ke chances hai lekin aman ke mamle me aisa nahi hai, aur ye baat writer ne bahut ache se likhi hai. Cons- Lack of fear factor. Horror story me darr ka sabse ahem role hota hai aur wahi is kahani me missing tha, kahani ek suspense thriller ke roop me kafi achi lagti hai but horror genre ke drishtikon se utni hi kamjor, yaha writer ko thodi aur mehnat karni chahiye thi jisse padhne walo k mann mein thoda darr ka ehsas ho, starting me jungle ka scene aur bhi badhiya tarike se describe kiya ja sakta tha, overall main ise horror kehne se jyada thriller story kehna pasand karunga, writer has done a superb job writing this one, umeed hai aage bhi aapse aisi behtarin kahaniya dekhne milengi.
Review: Overview- A thriller story, kahani shuru hoti hao do baccho se jo apni nani se kahani sunane ki jidd karte hai aur unki nani unhe kahani sunati hai geeta ki ya yu kahe purwa ki, aur yaha se shuru hota hai flashback jaha huye hai teen murders jinke investigation ke liye bulaya gaya hai inspector kiran ko.. jiske baad inspector kiran apni chhan bin ke dauran geeta urf purwa ki kahani pata lagati hai ke kaise un teen logo ne jinka khun hua tha unhone purwa par atyachar karke usse aur uske pariwar ko maar diya, then ek hi samay ek hi hospital mein geeta aur purwa dono ko rakha gaya jaha geeta ne dum tod diya aur purwa ki aatma jise pratishodh chahiye tha usne geeta ke sharir me pravesh kar liya aur fir un teeno ko maar kar apna badla pura kiya. Pros- The Concept, kahani ka concept bahut hi badhiya choose kiya hai writer ne, it is a perfect plot for thriller murder mystery story jisme writer ne thoda fantasy ka tadka bhi lagaya hai yaha purwa ki aatma geeta ki body me jati hai, pehle to padhne walo ko lagta hai ke geeta purwa ka punarjanm hai jo ki humne kayi baar filmo mein bhi dekha hai aur yahin writer baji maar jata hai aatma exchange wale concept se.. inspector kiran ka character writer ne bahut achi tarah se portray kiya hai, that was good. Cons- Narration, Dialogues, Lack of details, jaha ek taraf kahani apne concept ko lekar stand out karti hai wahi uska narration thoda weak point ban jata hai, sath hi kahani ke dialogues readers par utna jyada impact nahi daal pate hai, ek murder mystery story ko uski details sabse khas banati hai, muder ki planning se leke execution tak har chiz ka important role hota hai jo yaha is kahani mei missing laga, geeta ne teen logo ko maar diya par uske piche ki backstory, planning writer ne nahi batayi, teen logo ko maarna itna aasaan nahi hota hai. jis tarah ki story nani ne baccho ko sunayi hai jisme rape se leke murder tak sab tha use sun kar bade logo ka bhi dimag thoda bigad jayega lekin bacche use achese samajh gaye that was starnge... overall kahani kafi badhiya tha but aur bhi badhiya ho sakti thi.
Review: Overview - superb story. Ek tarfa pyar kya hota hai aur wo apne pyar ke liye kis kadar samarpit hota hai ye aap ne is kahani ke jariye bakhubi darshaya hai Story start hoti hai shivam se uske bhai ke chalte vivad se jisme shivam apne sath khele kismat ke khel ko batata hai lekin baad me uski kismat use asli khel dikhati hai jisme use ek ladki se pyar ho jata hai jiska pehle se hi ek chota bachha hai Shivam iske baad bhi supriya ki har tarha ki madat karta hai aur usse apna pyar kam nahi karta balki waqt ke sath sath wo badhta jata hai lekin baad me jab use supriya ki health problem pata chalti hai aur wo use thik karne ke liye jo kadam uthata hai wo shayad hi koi premi apne pyar ke liye karne ki soche bhi :bow: Pros - start me kahani thik se apni pakad nahi bana pati aisa lagta hai ki jaise kuch chut raha hai lekin story ka last part strong tha jis tarha se aap ne use likha hai uski tarif har koi kiye bina nahi rahega. Story ko aapne bahot thoroughly narrate kiya hai jo ek or plus point hai aapki story kaa. Cons - Story kaa main issue tha story kaa flow jo aapki jaldbaaji k kaaran missing tha jisase story padhne mein woh maja nahi aaya. Iske alaawa kuch khas kami nahi thi bas agar kuch aur scene add ho sakte they jaise shivam aur supriya ke bich khushi ke pal jis se last me jab sad part aata to padhne wala us se aur relate kar pata
Review: Overview - Ek bahot he attpatti kahaani jo apne aap mein confusing hai. Story kaa theme romantic based tha with a lot of sadness but story lacked emotions. Ye story describe karti hai ek ladke ko jo ek failed relationship se bahaar nikala hai or firse ussi raah par chal padta hai ek train journey k dauraan. Pros :Story kaa plot behad common tha lekin aapne apne skills k dawaara usko special banaane ki bharpur koshish ki or usme kuch hadd takk aap kaamyaab bhi hue so props on that. Chitra kaa character bahot he ummda tareeke se dikhaaya aapne jisne story mein 4 chaand laga diye. Cons - Jaisa maine kaha plot common tha lekin aapne kaafi hadd takk isko improve kiya but story kaa flow aap throughout the story catch nahi kar paaye maano aap ek he jagah focus kartey rahe or woh tha plot ko improve karna jabki aapko narration and flow par bhi dhyaan dena chahiye tha. Overall a wonderful story.
Review: Overview - Hold up ye kya tha bhai? Jarra rukkiye itani bhi kya jaldi hai :doh:. Story kaafi speed par thi infact story nahi summary kehna theek hoga inko. Story mein jab interest bananey laga tha tab story end hogayi. Waah ji waah aise kon karta hai. Readers k sath dhoka. Pros :-Iss choti si kahaani mein mujhe keval ek cheej badhiya lagi jo tha aapka plot aapne ek historical Suspense thriller likhne ki koshish ki and ek hissab se readers kaa interest bhi khich he liya tha aapke plot ne.. Cons:- Itani jaldbaaji kiss cheej ki thi aapko? Arrey thoda or wait kartey last day post kardetey isase acha. Jaisa maine kaha aapne ek ummda plot select kiya tha story k liye lekin unfortunately aap uss plot k sath insaaf nahi kar paaye or story ko bahot he jaldbaaji mein likha or khatam bhi kardiya jiss wajah se kaafi spelling mistakes bhi story mein they. Ek Salaah deta hun thoda itminaan se likha kijiye i am 100% sure you can write a wonderful story..
Review: Overview :- Love at first sight k awesome concept par likhi gayi ek choti si kahani. Ansh or Tanya dono he new businessman they jo start mein as opponents introduce hue they but end mein love birds ban gaye yaa bananey waale they? Pros - Story kaa plot aapne bahot he cute chuna tha, title dekh kar koi keh nahi shakta tha ki ye ek love story hai :D. Jaisa maine kaha kaafi acha plot select kiya aapne or usase bhi achi and interesting start ki aapne. Ek normal se auction scene se suruwaat karke pyaar takk leke gaye aap iss story ko :claps:. Cons :- Sabse pehle toh main mention karna caahunga ki story mein bahot jyaada spelling mistakes thi jiss wajah se story ko padhne mein bahot muskill hui i hope aap aage iss baat kaa dhyaan rakhenge or story post karne se pehle cross check jarur karenge. Dusara issue jo mujhe laga woh tha bahot jyada jaldbaaji dikhaai aapne. Sabkuch sahi select kiya tha aapne lekin jaldbaaji ki wajah se aisa lag raha tha ki story mein bahot kuch missing hai.
Review:Overview- An emotional story which revolves around an mentally disabled girl who has been sexually assaulted. Kahani hai Pari ki jo ki ek mentally disabled ladki hai wo ek din abhinav naam ke bande ke gadi ke saamne aa jati, accident to bach gaya tha but jab abhinav pari ko lekar hospital jata hai to use pata chalta hai ke pari pregnent hai, abhinav pari ki jimmedari apne upar le leta hai, aur pari se emotionally attach ho jata hai, itna ke uske liye wo apni mangetar se bhi jhagda kar leta hai, jiske baad use police dwara pata chalta hai ke pari ka asli naam ragini hai aur majburan abhinav ko use mental asylum me chhod kar wapis aana padta hai but waha fir se pari k sath wahi hota hai jo pehle bhi hua tha, aur ant me jaha ek or abhinav gaadi chalate huye jaha pari ke bare me hi soch raha tha wahi pari bhi pregnancy ki halat me apni abru bachate huye abhinav se milne ki aas me jungle se bhag rahi thi aur wahi aur ant me haalat se majbur hokar wo apni jaan gawa baithi Pros-The concept, kahani ka concept writer ne bahut hi acha choose kiya hai, samaaj me panap rahi vikrit mansikta ko bahut ache se dikhaya gaya hai, jinhe bas ladki se jism ki pyas hai, ye kahani eksath kayi sari mansiktao ko darshati hai, jaha ek aur abhinav positivity aur insaniyat show karta hai, wahi sheetal kuch aise logo ko, kuch aisi mentalities ko show karti hai jo bas apne bare me sochte hai, Abhinav's character stands out in the story, writer ne us character ko bahut hi ache tarike se likha hai, and now coming to Pari, aise complex characters likhna bahut mushkil kaam hota hai jaha aapko kisi ki mansikta, uspar huye atyachar, aur usee us insan ke jivan par mind pe hue asar ko dikhana, writer has done a splendid job portraying Pari Cons- language, depth in dialogues and ending, I think ke agar writer sahiba ye kahani english me likhti, jispar unki kafi achi pakad hai to ye kahani aur bhi jabardast ho sakti hai, kahani ke dialogues ekdum plain se lagte hai, jaha emotional depth dikhni chahiye waha kahani thodi backfoot par chali jati hai, ek emotional story me kayi jagah emotions ki kami saaf mehsus hoti hai sath hi kahani ka end aise lagta hai mano bahut jaldbaji me likha gaya ho, overall it was a good read but ye kahani aur better ban sakti thi.
Review:Story is simple but written with good humor and narrators approach is realistic . It consists simple turn of events and daily life of Prabhu while it gives glimpse of society at some places.Iss kahani se mostly Indian ladke relate kar shaktey hain that's what made it even more interesting to read. Pros :- Story is simple but shows small and patient steps taken in love by both sides, while one is nervous to make move and other is waiting for his move. Predictable but enjoyable romance between both main characters.Parbhu kaa character bahot he strong and innocently create kiya hai aapne jisase ussne suru se he readers ko apni taraf attract kiya. Good job on that. Cons :- As I said earlier its a simple & predictable story which makes it regular one , so readers were expecting some thrilling at certain point and different end too, but its still good . Isme kahin kahin aapki jaldbaaji bhi saaf najar aai jiss wajah se story kaa flow bich bich mein missing tha. Overall Its a nice story ,but improvements are must. some hindi words along with english were hard to understand as of spelling mistakes issliye aap ek baar post karne se pehle edit jarur karein story ko.
Review: Overview : Story is not just about rape of a girl and her revenge but her love for Tanmay too, it's a story how some men consider women inhuman things as they are not real person but a 'thing'. Story k through aapne ek bahot strong message send karne ki koshish ki hai readers ko good job on that. Pros:- Story is well written by writer, while balancing both main characters, it shows her prejudice about Tanmay and then realisation of truth. Maya kaa character bahot jyada strongly likha gaya hai. Story mein emotions ki koi kami nahi thi jinko aapne bahot he ummda tareeke se readers k saamne pesh kiya hai. Cons :-Aapka plot thoda unique tha lekin plot k hissab se aapne story ko narrate nahi kiya narration kaafi weak thi aapki you need to work hard on the narration part otherwise the story was wonderful. Also kuch parts mein aapne jaldbaaji bhi dikhaai jiss wajah se kuch important scenes ajeeb lage but woh aap easily improve kar shaktey ho. Overall a must read..
Review: Overview :-: Story Rita ki hai, jo ek unsatisfied housewife thi witer wrote about Rita's sexual desires and expectations but also societies view over lonesome married women. Story should have been continued with an ending. Pros - Behad common plot choose kiya aapne or usske through he society ko ek message dena caaha, good job on that.Story beshak short thi but throughout the story aapka narration bahot he badhiya tha so props on that. Cons - Story bahot jyaada short thi, bahot kuch missing tha story mein, jab story mein interest banana suru hua tabtak story over hochuki thi as a reader i wanted more from this story. Isme aap easily improvements kar shakti thi by adding some details to the story.. Overall an good read.
Review: Overview :- Story contains rape like it is part of revenge, no matter what it is but rape is not ok in our society . Story was ok till revenge but not for rape. I am not a fan of rape concept but as they say to each there own, overall a valid attempt. Sanjay or Harish dono ko aapne same kisti (boat) mein baithaaya hai according to readers.Jisase story kaa concept kaafi awkward hogaya. Pros :Story kaa plot kaafi ummda tha lekin keval revenge takk revenge mein same cheej add karke aapne story ko plot se hata diya. Sanjay and Harish dono k he characters ko aapne kaafi ache se show kiya. Dono he characters ko strongly construct kiya gaya tha well done. Cons :Story kaa flow missing tha suru se he or narration weak hone k kaaran flow ki kami or khali, spelling mistakes hone k kaaran story ne thoda or uncomfortable kiya readers ko..Unfortunately story k through aap jo message dena caah rahe they woh readers takk convey nahi kar paaye.
Points: 4. 5/10.
Story : Pyara pariwar
Written by: kirantariq
Read the story: here
Review: Overview :-Ek typical incest story jo 1000 km/hour ki speed se chali. Plot, concept, theme sab kuch skip kardiya aapne keval sex scene likhne k liye.. Pros:- Its a story with an ending i'll say that. Itani jaldbaaji k baad bhi ek valid attempt so congrats on that. Cons :First of all you should work on sentence building then thoda time nikaal k likhiye itani jaldbaaji short story mein nahi chalti. Flow banaake likhne ki koshish kijiye keval sex scenes par focus matt kijiye.i hope I'll see a better story from you in the next contest.
Review: Overview :-Ek typical incest story jo 1000 km/hour ki speed se chali. Plot, concept, theme sab kuch skip kardiya aapne keval sex scene likhne k liye.. Pros:- Its a story with an ending i'll say that. Itani jaldbaaji k baad bhi ek valid attempt so congrats on that. Cons :First of all you should work on sentence building then thoda time nikaal k likhiye itani jaldbaaji short story mein nahi chalti. Flow banaake likhne ki koshish kijiye keval sex scenes par focus matt kijiye.i hope I'll see a better story from you in the next contest.
Review: Overview:- Story starts with an average 27 year old Rohan who's living introverted life but soon this girl Neha came to his life and miserable things happen. Overall story kaa build up bahot he badhiya tha but story kaa concept mujhe samjh mein nahi aaya ki aap kya implement karna caahtey hain. Pros: Haalanki aapka narration and plot kaafi weak tha lekin still aapne story k plot par focus rakha and aapne story kaa flow maintain rakha suru se leke middle takk. Jisase readers kaa interest plot weak hone k baad bhi bana raha.Cons:-Overall a good story but ended soon it seems, jaisa maine kaha plot and narration kaafi weak they but plot k piche ki reasoning still mujhe samjh mein nahi aai but maybe i am too dumb. Overall good and entertaining story. Sarcasm in adequate places made it better.
Review: Overview : A thrilled story where predator becomes pray and that too without knowing how that happened.A very well written story. Kahani mainly 3 characters k irrd girrd ghumti hai Jeet, Julie or woh Chor. Pros:Story is well written without loosing track and end twist was unpredictable. Plot bahot he behatrin select kiya aapne so good job on that. Suspense bhi bahot he ummda create kiya hai aapne jisane story mein 4 chaand laga diye.. Writer has taken every measure to hook readers till end of the story, overall its a nice and enjoyable story. Cons:- Bhalle he plot aapne behtarin select kiya lekin still aapne kaafi jaldbaaji dikhaai story ko orr interesting banaaya jaa shakta tha agar aap narration par dhyaan detey toh uss wajah se story adhuri lagi. Overall a must read..
Review: Overview - A unique story of its own. It's a romantic story with an eye opening message of our busy life, and how we get involved in our work in such manner that we forgot we have a partner also. Story kaafi hattke thi so good job on that. Pros:-Story kaa plot apne aap mein ek plus point tha. It has shown feelings of both husband and wife who almost lost their love life between work cycle, it's not just a story but an eye opener too. Story k dawaara jo message aapne dena caaha woh saaf - 2 readers ko samjh mein aaya, jo ek or positive point hai story kaa. Cons:-Jaisa maine kaha plot behad ummda tha aapka lekin aapki narration plot k hissab se upto standards nahi thi, aapne thodi jaldbaaji dikhaai end mein jiss wajah se flow break hua story kaa or ye unique story ek basic story ki taraf chal paddi. Overall a must read.
Review: Overview - very good story Story start hoti hai Valentine week ke start hone se jaha arun apne pyar arohi ko propose karne ki thaan leta hai fir 14th Feb ko ek party plan karke wo use propose karne wala tha lekin story me twist tab aata hai ki sabko arun aur uske dost varun ki lash aur 2 logo ke sath milti hai Sab log police ke jhanjhat me nahi padna chahte isliye body ko pani me fek ke use ek accident ka rup deke bhag jate hai, Wahi us raat arun arushi ko propose bhi karta hai aur arohi bhi uske pyar ko Maan leti hai lekin yaha twist ye aata hai ki arohi unke sath khelti hai aur varun ko bhi apne pyar me fasati hai aur baad me unki ladai unke dosto se Karwa ke unki hatya karwati hai aur arun - varun ko jehar deke maar deti wo is liye ki iski behan in 4ro ke wajah se mari thi.Pros - very strong plot isse achha revenge koi ladki aur kya le sakti hai aise janwaro se jinhone itna ghatiya kaam kiya ho Unki hawas ne unse wo ghatiya kaam karwaya to unki hawas ne hi is baar unki jaan li Very nice. Story apne title k sath ekdum ache se justice karti hai.Cons - plot was good but jis way me aapne likha hai wo story ko minus points deta hai Story mein aur details aur slow honi chahiye thi sath hi story ke scene idhar se udhar udhar se idhar ho rahe they unko bhi agar sahi se likhte to ye story aur jyada better ban sakti thi In short you need to work on your narration.
Points: 6.5/10.
Story : वैलेंटाइन डे से पहले किस डे पर हसीना से मुलाक़ात
Written by: deeppreeti
Review:Overview :- Ek or sensuously romantic story but abki baar ek different topic k uppar. Valentines day par akele hone se leke ek bahot he sundar ladki se sex karne takk kaa Deepak kaa safar bayaan kar rahi thi ye story. Suruwaat se kaafi pace par thi story jiss wajah se thoda awkward laga padhne mein. Pros - Sabse pehle toh main aapki tareef karna caahunga story ko devnagri mein likhne k liye devnagri mein kahani padhne kaa apna ek alag he maja hai. Then story kaa background aapne bahot ache se describe kiya jisase story padhte time woh feel milla humein jaise sab humaare saamne ho raha tha. Cons - Jaisa maine kaha sabse bada issue ye tha ki story bahot he jyaada pace par chali yaani aapne bhi kaafi jaldbaaji dikhaai story likhtey time jiss wajah se story mein bahot kuch missing tha and story adhuri si lagi. Baat karun sex scene ki toh woh thoda slow laga mujhe ussme bhi emotions missing they woh feel aap de nahi paaye readers ko jo ek sensuous scene se hum expect kar rahe they.
Review:Overview :- Ek or sensuously romantic story but abki baar ek different topic k uppar. Valentines day par akele hone se leke ek bahot he sundar ladki se sex karne takk kaa Deepak kaa safar bayaan kar rahi thi ye story. Suruwaat se kaafi pace par thi story jiss wajah se thoda awkward laga padhne mein. Pros - Sabse pehle toh main aapki tareef karna caahunga story ko devnagri mein likhne k liye devnagri mein kahani padhne kaa apna ek alag he maja hai. Then story kaa background aapne bahot ache se describe kiya jisase story padhte time woh feel milla humein jaise sab humaare saamne ho raha tha. Cons - Jaisa maine kaha sabse bada issue ye tha ki story bahot he jyaada pace par chali yaani aapne bhi kaafi jaldbaaji dikhaai story likhtey time jiss wajah se story mein bahot kuch missing tha and story adhuri si lagi. Baat karun sex scene ki toh woh thoda slow laga mujhe ussme bhi emotions missing they woh feel aap de nahi paaye readers ko jo ek sensuous scene se hum expect kar rahe they.
Review:Overview- kahani shuru hoti hai radhika se jo ek business woman hai aur apni beti ko uske 18th birthday par sabse pehle wish karna chahti hai aur jo ki wo karti bhi hai, jiske baad radhika apni beti ke birthday ki khushi me ek jordar party through karti hai aur wahi jate huye kuch past ki yaade uske dimag me chalti hai jise writer ne wahi rok diya, uske baad usi party me radhika apni beti ka rishta bhi pakka kar deti hai aur padhai puri hoti hi shadi ka bhi faisla le leti hai, yaha radhika ne apna past apni beti arti se chhipaya hua hai aise me padhai puri karke arti apni shadi se pehle apne dosto ke sath ghumne jane ka sochti hai jo ki wahi gaon hai jaha radhika badi huyi aur waha arti ki mulakat ek ladke se hoti hai jiske baad arti ko pata chalta hai ke wo uske mama ka ladka hai sath hi ye bhi ke uske mama ne hi uske papa ko mara hai jiske baad wo apni maa ko unki galti ka ehsaas karati hai. Pros- The narration, is kahani ka sabse main point iska narration hi hai, jiske chalte kahani ka flow nahi bigadta hai, the storyline isnot unique but usko present karne ka tarika badhiya hai, is kahani me bahut sari ghatnaye huyi hai aur in sab ko ek short story me likhna mushkil kaam hai jise writer ne bahut ache se kiya hai.. Cons- Character development, Over the top dialogues, and ending, kahani ki raftar bahut tej hai aise me characters ko sahi se develop hone ka mauka nahi mil pata, hum ek character se judne ki koshish karte hi hai ke tabhi naya scene aa jata hai, dialogues bahut hi dramatic lagte hai sath hi kahani ko bas ek prespective se pesh kiya gaya hai jaha radhika ko villain aur arti ko hero dikhaya gaya hai, dusri side pata hi nahi chal pati ke radhika ne kin halato me wo decision liya, wo kyu ghar se bhagi, uske pati ke ghar walo ne use kyu accept nahi kiya, ye baate kahani ko aur rochak bana deti, sath ki kahani ka end kahani ka sabse weak point tha jaha radhika dum tod deti hai, yaha agar wo aryan ki ache se dekhbhal karke pyayaschit karne ki koshish karti to kahani sahi lagti, overall a good story
Review: Overview- Hum log apni jindagi me bahut shanti se rehte hai, apni family ke sath time spend karte hai, bahar bindass ghumte hai, kyuki hame kisi chiz ka darr nahi hota, lekin ye jo azadi hai iske piche hamari army ka bahut bada yogdan hai jo hamare desh ki seemao par hamari raksha ke liye tainat hai, Indian army kisi parichay avyashakta nahi hai, hamari army ne kayi sare yudhh jeete hai jisse apne desh ki kayi musibato se raksha huyi hai aur ye kahani aise hi ek Indian army ke war veteran ki hai, Brigadier Baljeet singh rathore jinhone 1965 ke war me apne desh ki raksha ke liye apni jaan ki bazi lagayi thi, kahani ne brigadier sahab apni poti ko apni hi dairy padh ke suna rahe hai, jisme unki yuddh ke samay ki yaade hai, unke bhai ki yaade hai jo usi jung me ladte huye apne desh ke liye shadid ho gaye the jiske jaad brigadier sahab se apne bhai ke bete ki jimmedari apne uper li aur uski achi dekhbhal ke liye kabhi shadi nahi ki, hamare jawano ko apne desh ki raksha karte huye bahut se khatro ka saamna karna padta hai sath hi kayi kurbaniya bhi deni padti hai jo hum normal citizens kabhi samajh hi nahi sakti, writer ne aise war veteran ki kahani ko bahut hi ache tarike se is kahani dwara prastut kiya hai Pros- The concept, ek rtired brigedier ki kahani ko jis tarah se writer ne yaha pesh karne ki koshish ki hai wo bahut hi badhiya hai, kahani ka plot writer ne bahut achi tarah se choose kiya hai aur sath hi use likhne me writer ne bahut mehnat ki hai jo ki hame kahani ne saaf mehsus hoti hai, war ke scenes aur uski details ko bahut hi badhiya tarike se pesh kiya gaya hai, un incidents ko pata karke likhne se writer ne plot par ki gayi research ka andaja aata hai sath hi kahani ko readers ke samne lane ka tarika is kahani ne bahut badhiya lagta hai, the Diary concept was good, sath hi kahani ne diya gaya emotional touch kahani ko aur bhi badhiya banata hai jisse padhne wale emotions ke sath sath Indian army ke prati garv ka bhi anubhav karte hai, Kingfisher ne koshish bahut hi achi kari hai aur unki mehnat kahani se hame ache se dekhne ko milti hai. Cons :-Story kaa sabse bada issue tha story k flow kaa missing hona woh bhi important scenes k uppar story k key situations ko aapne bahot weakly narrate kiya jiss wajah se story thodi slow hogayi or flow story kaa bahot piche chutt gaya. Spelling mistakes bhi thi story k middle k baad iska matlab aapne jaldbaaji dikhaai end mein jaake.Overall a wonderful story.
Review: Overview - fabulous story :claps:Story start hoti hai hotel me huwe kuch wardat se Jiski investigation karte 2 police walo se pata chalta hai ki koi 2 lovers mese ladki ne kuch kiya hai jise achhi tarah se suspence me rakha hai Fir baad me story ka main lead kartik dikhaya jata hai jo us ghatna ke baad apne aap ko sambhalne ki koshish kar raha tha Use apne pyar anna ke sapne aate they ya kabhi kabhi use hallucination bhi hota tha jisne anna use sab ke liye doshi Manti thi Tab uski life me dusri ladki maanavi ki entry hoti hai jo uski school friend thi Jo kartik ke halat ke bare me janke badme usse apni najdiki badhati hai Aur kartik bhi Anna ko bhul kar aage move on karne ki koshish karta hai Lekin asali sach to kuch aur hi tha jise aap ne last me ek twist ke roop me dikhaya hai jisse story aur bhi jabardast banti hai Pros - jis tarha story me aap ne suspense ka tadka diya hai usse ye story kafi plus point le jati hai Padhne wale ko bar bar sochna padta hai ki ye horror/crime ya love isme se kis base par he Story me readers ko last tak uljhaye rakhna yahi to asli writer ki pehchan hoti hai :bow: Cons - dekha jaye to ye ek dam perfect story thi bas last me agar thoda dark rakhte to story aur bhi perfect ban sakti thi (jaise kartik ne Anna ke sath wo sab achanak kiya aur baad me itni sari planning karli wo bhi itne sahi se ye atpata laga agar iske jagah koi badi thos wajah kartik ko dete to aur behtar rehta) Story kaa flow bhi aapne middle takk toh barkaraar rakha lekin fir aapne jaldbaaji kardi jiss wajah se flow tutta story kaa or readers unnecessarily distract hue story se.
Review: Overview - Ek incest story, typically i am not a fan of incest stories but a contest story is a contest story afterall. Ye story mujhe suru mein kaafi ajeeb lagi because suru mein aisa kuch nahi hua jo story k title ko justify kare Infact mujhe laga ye ek cheating girlfriend story hogi. Lekin aage - 2 story kaa title and motive dono aapne clear kardiye.. Pros - Incest theme ko ek short story contest k liye choose karna humessa he ek risk hota hai jo aapne uthaaya and apne guts k sath jaake aapne ye story likhi good job on that part. Cons - Story bahot jyaada bhagai aapne suruwaat college then achaanak maa ki yaad bina koi reason maa k parti sexual intentions ye sab kuch bahot jaldbaaji mein likha aapne jabki ye sabko easily aap step by step likh shaktey they jisase story kai gunna jyaada hot lagti readers ko but too bad aapne sab kuch pace mein he nikaal diya.. Sex scenes kaafi unrealistic lage mujhe jiss wajah se story thodi or boring ho gayi..
Review: Overview- The story revolves around the life story of raj, raj jo ki ek anath baccha tha jise akhilesh aur urmila ne adopt kiya tha lekin saal bhar ke ander hi urmila ne ek beti ko janm diya jiske baad jaise jaise raj aur uski behan tina bade hote hai waise waise raj ke prati urmila ke man me nafrat badhti gayi kyuki wo uski beti ke mukable jyada hoshiyar tha, iske chalte raj ko bachpan me kabhi maa ka pyar nahi mila, chuki wo padhne me aur gaane me acha tha uski teacher ne uski bahut madad ki aur use singing classes dilwayi, jiske baad raj ek compitition ke liye mumbai gaya lekin uska waha saaman gum ho gaya, aur jab wo thak kar apne aap ko khatam karna chahta tha tabhi ek successful aadmi ne use sahara diya, use adopt kiya aur use ek famous singer banaya. Pros- The storyline, kahani ki storyline bahut sahi hai jo life struggle ko bahut ache se bayan karti hai, humein hamesha hi wo sab nahi milta jiski humein chah hoti hai. Life kab kaise palat jaye koi nahi keh sakta, and the journey of raj shows exactly that ke kaise ek anath baccha jivan me dherro dukh jhelne ke baad bhi ek successful singer bana. Cons- The pace, kahani ki raftar bahut hi jyada hai aise me characters ko ache se develop hone ka mauka nahi mil pata, kahani ke scenes aise lagte hai mano bahut jaldbaji me likhe gaye ho, wo aadmi jisne raj ki end me jaan bachayi wo kaun tha uska intro ache se nahi diya gaya jiske chalte wo scene kuch adhura ka lagta hai.. sath hi narration mujhe thoda weak laga jise aur bhi behtar karne ka scope tha. Overall a good story.
Review: Overview- A simple romantic story jo ghumti hai do mukhya kirdaro ke ird gird, aman aur sheetal. Aman jo ki ek chote shahar ka ladka hai aur apne hi shahar ki IT company me kaam karta hai aur aaj tak kabhi apne shahar se bahar nahi gaya hai aise me uska promotion aur transfer hota hai mumbai me. Aman apne boss aur gharwalo ke samjhane par mumbai aa jata hai jaha office jate huye pehle din uski mulakat hoti hai sheetal se , fir local me hi un dono ke milne ka silsila badhne lagta hai aur fir jaisa ki amuman prem kahaniyo me hota hai dekhte hi dekhte dono me dosti hoti hai aur fir pyaar, Pros- Narration, kahani ki storyline bhale hi unique na ho lekin use pesh karne ka tarika bahut hi umda hai, first person perspective se likhi gayi is kahani se aap apne aapko connect kar paate hain, ye kahani aapko aise lagegi ke ye mano aapki kahani ho ya aapke kisi jananey wale ki, aur yahi chiz is kahani aur kahani ke lekhak dono ko khas banati hai Cons- overdramatic dialogues and less emotions, kahani ke kuch dialogues bahut dramatic lagte hai jisse thodi cringe wali feeling aati hai sath hi kahani mein aman ki sheetal ke prati bhavnao ko aur bhi ache se bayan kiya ja sakta tha isse romance ka asar aur badh jata, jab sheetal ke 2 din na milne par aman apni bhabhi se baat karta hai us scene mein emotions ki kami saaf mehsus hoti hai Overall kahani manoranjan se bharpur hai, A good story
Review: Overview- Maa ek aisa shabd hai jiske visay me jitni bhi baat ki jaye kam hai, hum maa ke bina apne jivan ki kalpana bhi nahi kar sakte, maa ki mahanta ka andaja isi baat se lagaya ja sakta hai ke insan bhale hi bhagwan ka naam lena bhul jaye lekin maa ka naam lena nahi bhuta, maa ko prem aur karuna ka pratik mana gaya hai, , ek maa duniya bhar ke kasht sehkar bhi apni santan ko ache se ache sukh suvidhaye dena chahti hai aur ye kahani bhi ek aisi hi maa ki hai, jisne jivan bhar dukh sahe lekin apne baccho ko bada insan banaya lekin ant me wahi bacche us maa ko hi bhul gaye, aur aaj jab wo is duniya me nahi hai to apni ki gayi galtiyo ke paschatap me jal rahe hai.. jaha bada beta apne aap ko pariwar ka pet bharme me asmarth batate huye ghar se chala gaya wahi chote bete ne apne bhavishya ke liye apna ghar chhoda aur is beech ye bhi bhul gaya ke ghar par uski maa bhi hai,, an emotional and heart touching story Pros- the storyline, writing and narration, kahani ki story line bahut hi umda hai aur sath hi uska narration jisme ek beta apni ki gayi galtiyo ka paschatap karte huye apni maa ke dukho ki kahani bayan karta hai, is kahani se writer ne aaj ke samaj ki satya paristithi ko batane ka prayas kiya hai aur jisme wo kafi had tak safal sabit huye hai, satya hai, insan ki kadra hamesha uske duniya se chale jane ke baad hi hoti hai aur ant me bachta hai to bas paschatap, kahani emotions se bharpur hai jo aapko apne se connect karti hai. Cons- kahani puri tarah se maa par adharit thi jaha sare kirdar apna kaam bakhubi nibhate hai wahi is kahani me mujhe gudiya ka kirdar thoda sa kamjor pratit hua ke usne bhi apni maa se ek baar bhi milne ki koshish nahi ki aur na hi ramji ne,halanki jo gudiya ke sath hua wo bahut galat tha lekin wo bhi apni maa ki halat ache se jaanti hai, sath hi sanju ke bade bhai ka kirdar bhi thoda kamjor pratit hota hai jise kahani me aur kuch samay milna chahiye tha iske alawa kahani behad hi shandar hai. it is a wonderful story.
Review: Overview- A romance theme story, well kahani ka theme regular hai lekin use pesh karne ka tarika is kahani ko ek behtarin kahani banata hai, mumbai ke logo ka aur mumbai ki local ka ek anokha rishta hai jo is kahani ke jariye writer ne bahut bakhubi bataya hai, A simple love story jise har dusre bande ne jiya hai, subah subah office pahuchne ki jaldi, important meeting aise mein cab ka dhoka dena aur end me local mein ek khubsurat ladki se mulakat, ye un chuninda kahaniyo me se ek hai jo aap ke dil ko chhu jaye Pros- the writing and narration, kahani ko bahut khubsurat tarike se likha gaya sath hi kahani ka narration on point hai jo lekhak ke kaushalya ko darshata hai, subah subah local ki gardi, usme safar karne wale alag alag personality wale log unki activities, sab apni jagah par ekdum fit baithte hai, kahani ka title kahani ko bahut ache se justify karta hai, kahani ko end bhi bahut achi jagah kiya gaya hai jisse padhne walo ke man me utsukta rehti hai ke aage inka kya hoga. Cons- ye un chuninda kahaniyo me se ek hai jinme khami dhundhna bahut hi mushkil kaam hai, though kahani ek prem kahani se jyada local par adharit hai mujhe lagta hai yaha character ko thoda aur samay diya jana chahiye tha, unke beech thodi aur baat chit kahani ke char chand laga deti.Narration bahot he badhiya hone k baad bhi aapne story ko ek flow mein nahi likha jiss wajah se story thodi weak lagi. Overall ye ek behad hi umda kahani hai aur hame umeed hai aap aage bhi apni behtareen kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Review: Overview- A crime thriler story jo aapki utsukta banaye rakhti hai, kahani do mukhya kirdaro ke ird gird ghumti hai jinme se ek hai ex police officer santosh kumar mishra jo ki ab ek popular crime thriller novelist hai, aur dusra kirdar hai unki hi ek reader ka, avantika, kahani inhi dono kirdaro ke teen mulakato ke ird grid ghumti hai jiski shuruwat mishra ji dwara apne readers ke liye karaye gaye competition se hoti hai, wahi pehli mulakat mein avantika unhe apni noval likhne ki icha batati hai aur unse margdarshan ki umeed karti hai jise mishra ji swikar karte hai aur yahi se baki do mulakato ka bhi silsila shuru hota hai. Pros- the plot and end twist, kahani ka plot aur uska execution writer ne bahut ache tarike se kiya hai, ek thriller sory mein hone wale sabhi gunn is kahani mein hame dekhne milte hai khas kar ke end twist jo ki is kahani ka main point hai jab mishra ji ko pata chalta hai ke un teen mulakato me avantika kahani likhne ke liye unki madad nahi le rahi thi balki apne hi pati ke khoon ki planning kar rahi thi, writer ne ise bahut ache tarike se likha hai Cons- ek crime thriller story ki sabse khas baat hoti hai readers ki utsukta banaye rakhna jispar ye kahani khari utarti hai lekin kuch kuch jagho par kahani apna rythem kho deti hai, khas kar dusri mulakat mein, waha kahani mujhe thodi boring lagi, teeno mulakato mein characters ke beech conversation bahut hi kam bataya gaya hai, kuch lines me hi ek mulakat khatam ho jati hai use aur bhi badhiya tarike se likha ja sakta tha... overall ye ek behad hi badhiya thriller kahani hai.
Review: Overview- A good light hearted comedy story.. jo ki ghumti hai char dosto ke ird gird jo 50 ki umra paar kar chuke hai aur peshe se lecturer hai, story top to bottom comedy se bharpur hai aur in charo dosto ke goa jane ke plan banane se lekar jhuth bolkar apni apni biwiyo ko manane aur hasi majak ke sath goa pahuchne par adharit hai.. dosto ke sath ghumne ka maja hi alag hota hai khas kar jab dosto ke sath plan goa ka bane.. writer ne in charo ke goa pahucne tak ki journey ko bahut achi tarah se describe kiya hai.. Pros- the language, narration and writing skills.. aapki writing skills baki writer se alag hai, comedy genre me likhna bahut mushkil kaam hota hai par aapne usko bakhubi pura kiya hai, narration was on point, kahani apne title ko justify karte huye pure yatra vrutant ko bakhubi batati hai, aapne journey ke har detail ko aur station to station journey ko ache se likha hai, comic timing and dialogues were written very well Cons- for me jo is kahani ka ek strong point hai wahi kahi na kahi iska weak point bhi hai that is its comedy and dialogues jo kuch jagho par aise lage mano waha jabardasti ghusa diye gaye ho aur wo kahi na kahi thodi cringe wali feel dete hai.Inhi dialogues ki wajah se story kaa flow maintain nahi rakh shake aap jo ek or negative point tha iss kahani ka. overall the story was a good entertainer aur hame umeed hai aap aage bhi aise hi behtarin kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Review:Overview- प्रत्युत्पन्नमतिस्व means presense of mind.. well kahani ka title kafi unique choose kiya hai writer ne and I am sure ke ise pronounce karne me bhi kafi logo ko dikkat aayi hogi.. now lets move to the story.. kahani Rashmi aur navin ki hai jinki life lockdown hatne ke baad ab wapis se apni line par aa rahi hai.., ek normal insan ka routine, rashmi ka akele apna ghar sambhalna, fir navin ko rijhane ke liye uska tayar hona din ke samay wo news dekhna bahut badhiya tarike se likha hai Pros- story ka theme aur narration, writer ne kahani ka theme bahut acha choose kiya hai aur title bhi jo ki apne aap me bahut unique hai aur kahani apne title ko puri tarah justify karti hai.. kahani padhte huye aage kya hoga iski utsukta bani rehti hai aur fir ek aisa twist jiske bare me kisi ne nahi socha hoga.. writer has done a phenomenal job selecting title and theme for the story Cons- the ending, though kahani ka end ek bahut badhiya twist ke sath hua hai par mere hisab se use bahut jaldbaji me likha gaya hai.. agar writer ending par aur thodi mehnat karte to ye kahani aur bhi jyada badhiya kahani ho sakti thi aur probably is contest ki one of the best story hoti aapne bahut badhiya koshish ki hai aur umeed hai aap aage bhi aisi kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
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PART - II
Review: Overview- Ab iske bare me kya hi bolu, this one is a sci-fi masterpiece, shuru se leke ant tak kahani aapko bandhe rakhti hai aur aage kya hone wala hai iski utsukta banaye rakhti hai. Kahani bas do kirdaro ko lekar hai ek time guard aur dusra wo banda jisne ye sab khel rachaya tha, shuruwat hoti hai time guard ke baar baar flight board karne se aur fir uske mission ki aur aage badhti hai, jaha use information ke sahare kisi ko maarne ka assignment pura karna hota hai aur yahi se kahani me mod aana shuru ho jate hai, aur fir us insan ki entry hoti hai jise maarne ke liye time guard waha aaya tha par jab dono ki mulakat hoti hai aur time guard apna kaam pura kar deta hai to yahi kahani ka main twist aata hai aur wo ek time loop me fas jata hai only to know that jise maarne use bheja gaya tha ye sab usi ka plan tha. Pros- theme selection, it's execution and dialogues, the story simply stands out as sci fi masterpiece of this contest, sci fi likhte huye bahut sari bato ko soch kar science ke concept ke bare me padh kar likhna hota hai, isme kahani ke plot ka execution bahut mayne rakhta hai, ek galti aur kahani ki disha bhatak jayegi aur yaha harshit bhai ne ye kaam bahut ache tarike se kiya hai, kahani ke dialogues time ke conpects ko jis tarah use kiya hai usse aapka knowledge pata chalta hai, conversation details really stands out, kahani me hero kaun hai aur villain kaun hai batana bhi behad mushkil kaam hai aur aise kahani likhna apne aap me ek trophy hai. Cons- complexity, kahani ki language writer ne bhaut normal rakhi hai taki sabko aasani se samajh aaye lekin fir bhi padhte time dono characters mein differentiate karne mein kuch jagah confusion hota hai halanki isse kahani aur rochak ho jati hai lekin jin logo ko time, usse jude contepts, time travel theories nahi pata unhe ise samajhne me thodi dikkat aayegi. Overall the story was a thrilling entertainer.
Points: 6.5/10.
Story : माचिस की तीली
Written by: Amirhydkhan
Review: Overview- A typical sex story jisme ek ladki hai jo ki model banna chahti hai aur ek aadmi jo ki kapdo ka safal vyapari hai aur jise apne brand ki advertisement ke liye model ki jarurat hai.. dono hi kirdaro ki mulakat delhi se lucknow ke daryaman train ke safar me hoti hai lekin yaha dono ekdusre ko nahi jaante the and then they met through work and got intimate. Pros- the sex scene. aapne sex scene ko bahut ache se narrate kiya hai aur aapki language par pakad bhi kafi achi hai.. sath hi dono main characters ka train waala conversaton bahut ache tarike se likha gaya hai aur wo machis ki tili jo alia ne mangi thi usne is kahani ki neev rakhi ye kahani ke title ko justify karta hai. Cons- kahani shuruwat se kafi sahi track par rahi lekin alia ka amir ke sath itni jaldi sex me involve hona jachta nahi hai, wo aisa laga mano usne modeling ka contract pane ke liye apne jism ka sauda kiya ho.. sath thi dusri baar jab wo dono mile hotel me tab unke reactions se aisa laga mano dono ko pata tha ke ye hoga, no shock eliment. overall the story was good and the narration and seduction was awesome
Review: Overview- A typical sex story jisme ek ladki hai jo ki model banna chahti hai aur ek aadmi jo ki kapdo ka safal vyapari hai aur jise apne brand ki advertisement ke liye model ki jarurat hai.. dono hi kirdaro ki mulakat delhi se lucknow ke daryaman train ke safar me hoti hai lekin yaha dono ekdusre ko nahi jaante the and then they met through work and got intimate. Pros- the sex scene. aapne sex scene ko bahut ache se narrate kiya hai aur aapki language par pakad bhi kafi achi hai.. sath hi dono main characters ka train waala conversaton bahut ache tarike se likha gaya hai aur wo machis ki tili jo alia ne mangi thi usne is kahani ki neev rakhi ye kahani ke title ko justify karta hai. Cons- kahani shuruwat se kafi sahi track par rahi lekin alia ka amir ke sath itni jaldi sex me involve hona jachta nahi hai, wo aisa laga mano usne modeling ka contract pane ke liye apne jism ka sauda kiya ho.. sath thi dusri baar jab wo dono mile hotel me tab unke reactions se aisa laga mano dono ko pata tha ke ye hoga, no shock eliment. overall the story was good and the narration and seduction was awesome
Review: Overview- An incest theme story but without a sexscene, is story ke bare me likhne ko jyada kuch nahi hai, aisa laga mano writer ko contest me koi kahani likhni thi aur usne likh di aur apne hath jhatak diye, kahani me hero aur uski maa apne rehne ke liye ek naya ghar dekhne jate hai aur wahi hero ki mulakat us ghar me majud ek aatma ya yu kahe ek shakti se hoti hai jo use kuch powers deta hai jisse hero jis bhi aurat ko chhuyega uske sar par ek screen open ho jayegi jo hero ko us aurat ke sath sharirik sambandh banane me madad karegi.. lekhak ka writing style bhi kafi promising hai jisme aur betterment ki umeed hai. Pros- the concept, kahani ka conpect kafi unique hai, usually incest stories me bas pariwar me sex ko dikhaya jata hai aur us journey ko aur jab kisi incest theme story me fantasy ka tadka joda jata hai tab logo ko wo kahani aur bhi pasand aati hai. Cons- lazy writing, aisa laga mano writer ne kahani likha chaha lekin beech me hi unka man kahani se ub gaya aur unhone jitna likha tha utha hi contest me post kar diya.. kahani padhne ke baad ek incomplete feel deti hai mano abhi to kahani bas suru hone wali thi aur jis chiz ki logo ko talash thi wo main element hi is kahani se missing laga jo ki tha sex scene.. overall kahani ka concept sahi tha bas writing me aur mehnat ki jati to ye ek behtarin kahani ban sakti thi.
Review: Overview- Started with a normal story and slowly becomes an erotic one.. kahani ka premise ek gaon ka hai jaha ek ladke ko ek ladki ki aankho me dekhte hi usse pyaar ho jata hai and then uske baad wo us ladki ko apni patni maan baith ta hai, baad me kahani kisi ladies function ki or hame le jati hai jaha gaon ki mahilao ka masti majak chal raha hai aur wahi hero ki mulakat dobara us ladki se hoti hai jise achanak saanp kaat leta hai aur fir hero uski jaan bachata hai. Pros- the theme, kahani ka theme unique nahi hai, humne aisi gaon ki prem kahaniya pehle bhi padhi hai par ha ye baki stories se thoda alag hai aur writer ne likha bhi achi tarah se hai. Narration bhi kaafi hadd takk sahi thi aapki. Cons- the language, kahani local language me likhi gayi hai jisse kahi na kahi kahani ka impact thoda kam ho jata hai, though writer ne ise likhne me bahut mehnat ki hai aur kahani ko local language me bahut achi tarah se likha hai lekin yahi agar ye kahani puri tarah hindi me likhi gayi hoti to isse jhyada log connect kar pate sath hi kahani ka pace bhi thoda jyada laga mano sab chize jaldi jaldi ho rahi ho Overall kahani achi hai but aur better ho sakti thi.
Points: 6/10
Story : रजनी और तनु की गुडलक अकादमी
Written by: deeppreeti
Review: Overview- kahani shuru hoti hai ek ladki shina se jo ki haal hi me 18 saal ki huyi hai aur is waqt apne exams dekar chhutiya bitana chahti hai lekin uski maa chahti hai ke shina apni chhutiya goodluck academy me bitaye jo ki garmiyo ki chhutiyo me ladkiyo ko groom karne ke liye famous hai, jabki shina waha jane ke bilkul virodh me hai fir bhi use apni maa ki baat manni hi padti hai jiske baad shina ka goodluck me jana aur fir ek sex scene and the end. Pros- the narration.. kahani ki narration bilkul sahi hai khas kar sex scene kafi detail me likha gaya jisase pata chalta hai ke writer ki kalam par achi pakad hai sath hi unka hindi bhasha ka knowledge bhi kamal ka hai. Cons- poor title selection, title ke anusar ye kahani gooduck academy k bare me honi chahiye thi par ultimately it ends with tanu and deepak’s sex scene, goodluck ke bare me jyada baat na karke tanu aur shina ke bare me jyada baat ki gayi hai, kahani shina ke goodluck me jane ke sath shuru hoti hai aur deepak aur tanu ke sex par khatam jisse shina ke character ka importance khatam ho jata hai. overall kahani achi hai umeed hai aap aage bhi aise hi kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Review: Overview- kahani shuru hoti hai ek ladki shina se jo ki haal hi me 18 saal ki huyi hai aur is waqt apne exams dekar chhutiya bitana chahti hai lekin uski maa chahti hai ke shina apni chhutiya goodluck academy me bitaye jo ki garmiyo ki chhutiyo me ladkiyo ko groom karne ke liye famous hai, jabki shina waha jane ke bilkul virodh me hai fir bhi use apni maa ki baat manni hi padti hai jiske baad shina ka goodluck me jana aur fir ek sex scene and the end. Pros- the narration.. kahani ki narration bilkul sahi hai khas kar sex scene kafi detail me likha gaya jisase pata chalta hai ke writer ki kalam par achi pakad hai sath hi unka hindi bhasha ka knowledge bhi kamal ka hai. Cons- poor title selection, title ke anusar ye kahani gooduck academy k bare me honi chahiye thi par ultimately it ends with tanu and deepak’s sex scene, goodluck ke bare me jyada baat na karke tanu aur shina ke bare me jyada baat ki gayi hai, kahani shina ke goodluck me jane ke sath shuru hoti hai aur deepak aur tanu ke sex par khatam jisse shina ke character ka importance khatam ho jata hai. overall kahani achi hai umeed hai aap aage bhi aise hi kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Review: Overview- There is nothing much to talk about the story, sexy story between a boyfriend and a grilfirend rather I would love to say between a sub female and a dominant male..kahani megha ke point of view se likhi gayi hai jo ki kahani ko padhne me aur bhi badhiya banata hai, writer ne megha ke feelings ko aur uski icchao ko kahani ke jariye bahut ache se bataya hai aur ant me megha ko jo chahiye tha wo akhir mil hi gaya. Pros- writing and dialogues, writer did a superb job in writing this one, sex kahani ke bare me bolne ko kuch jyaada hota nahi hai, unhe bas unko likhne ka tarika khas banata hai.. this story is a sheer treat for BDSM lovers Cons- though the story was good but kahani me kuch kuch jagah thodi kami si mehsus huyi, you can say lack of emotions.. mujhe aisa lagta hai kahani ko aur bhi detail me likha ja sakta tha jo is kahani ko aur bhi behtar bana deta.
Review: Overview - very nice story Aksar aisa hota hai ki ham Bachpan me superhero ya kuch khas banna chahte hai lekin wo bate Bachpan me hi reh jati hai aur ham aage jindagi me kuch aur mukam hasil karte hai lekin kuch aise bhi log hote hai ki wo apne kuch banne ki khwaish puri karna chate hai jiska ek udhaharn hai Jaydev urf jD jisko Bachpan se hi jasoosi kahani padhne ka shauk tha wo bada hokar ek jasoos banna chahta hai lekin uski kismat uska sath nahi deti aur har baar sab ulta hi natija nikalta hai fir uske chalte use kya kya jhelna padta hai ye aap ne kafi badhiya tarike se kahani me dikhaya hai. Pros - kahani ka flow kafi badhiya tha Start se End tak kahani me itna kho jate hai ki wo khatam kab ho gayi ye pata hi nahi chala. Unique concept tha aap ka aur kafi sahi tarike se likha hai jiske plus point jarur milte hai. Cons - kahani me loose part tha woh kam funny hona agar aisi kahani ko aur funny banaya jaye to aur maza aata hai aap chahe to logo ke jD ko diye tane galiya dikha kar kisso ko aur funny bana sakte they jisase story mein ek comic element aata or story or interesting banti. Overall a good read.
Points: 7/10
Story : jennifer
Written by: Moody_jatt
Review: Overview- A teenage romance erotica, this is a story of dan and Jennifer, dan a 18 year old highschool student who like his batchmate Jennifer and didn't know that Jennifer was also seeing him, well we can't say that they love each other but they surely like each other and then the story moves towards their first official date.. Pros- writing style and theme selection, writer has done a splendid job writing this story, the emotions and feeling of an eighteen year old for someone they like was prortrayed beautifully in the story, the scenes at drive in where dan and Jennifer gets a bit physical with each other stands out, dialogues were written well which makes you feel invested into the story, dan and Jennifer's chemistry was amazing. Writer has shown some great skills in writing this one. Cons- the title and the premise, well for me the title didn't go that well, this story is about dan and Jennifer not only Jennifer the title could have been better and the premise of the story is a bit western which most of the people on XForum didn't connect with, Overall the story was awesome and people who likes to read teegane romance should read this one
Review: Overview- A teenage romance erotica, this is a story of dan and Jennifer, dan a 18 year old highschool student who like his batchmate Jennifer and didn't know that Jennifer was also seeing him, well we can't say that they love each other but they surely like each other and then the story moves towards their first official date.. Pros- writing style and theme selection, writer has done a splendid job writing this story, the emotions and feeling of an eighteen year old for someone they like was prortrayed beautifully in the story, the scenes at drive in where dan and Jennifer gets a bit physical with each other stands out, dialogues were written well which makes you feel invested into the story, dan and Jennifer's chemistry was amazing. Writer has shown some great skills in writing this one. Cons- the title and the premise, well for me the title didn't go that well, this story is about dan and Jennifer not only Jennifer the title could have been better and the premise of the story is a bit western which most of the people on XForum didn't connect with, Overall the story was awesome and people who likes to read teegane romance should read this one
Review: Overview- story based on theme of extra marital affair, ye kahani huma ki hai jo ki apne apti amir aur saas ke sath rehti hai aur uski saas baar baar use baanjh hone ke taane deti rehti hai jiski shikayat wo apne pati se karti hai, huma ek behad hi reserved family me pali badhi ladki hai jiski duniya pehle uska mayka hua karti thi aur baad me sasural aur uski duniya tab badli jab uski jindagi me hira aur kamal ki entry hoti hai, aur ek bacche ki chah me huma hira se ek deal karti hai jiske chalte uske aur hira ke pati ke beech physical relations banne lagte hai. Pros- narration, sexstory ke bare me bolne ko jyada kuch nahi hota hai except its narration jiske chalte padhne wala us kahani me kho jaye and this one provides you that.. the story line was superbly written aur writer ne kahani ka flow bhi ache se maintain kiya hai Cons- lack of seduction, aisa laga hira ne huma ki majburi ka fayda utha kar apna kaam usse nikalwaya hai, halanki is sab me huma ki bhi rajamandi thi par aisa laga jaise huma ko as a whore portray kiya gaya hai jabki uska starting me character ekdum different bataya gaya tha, sath bhi jab huma apne pati se doctor ko dikhane kehti hai to wo baat taal jata hai jisse pata chalta hai ke amir ko bhi kahi na kahi apni kamjori ka pata tha to fir huma ke achanak pregnent hone par use hairani kyu nahi huyi sath hi wo easily apna baccha dene kaise maan gaya is baat ko detail me bataya jata to kahani me aur tadka aata overall it was a good and hot story....
Points: 6/10
Story : पेटीकोट की जीत। -
Written by: deeppreeti
Review:Overview- ye is contest me writer ki dusri peshkash hai jo ki unki pehli kahani se bilkul alag hai, ye kahani kahani kam aur kisi artical ke jaise jyada lagti hai jisne uddant ladko ko kaise sabak sikha kar sidha karna hai iska kissa bataya gaya hai.. kahani ladko aur ladkiyo ki mansikta aur unke behaviour ko sudharne ke experiment ke bare me hai Pros- the concept, kahani ka concept bahut hi alag aur badhiya choose kiya hai, humari male dominant society me agar kisi ladke ko ladkiyo ke samne saja di jaye to iska uspar gehra fark padta hai aur wo apne aap ko un ladkiyo ke samne behtar banane ki koshish karta hai ye is kahani dwara bataya gaya hai. Cons- though concept kafi sahi tha but ise kahani kehne se better ek kissa kehna jyada sahi hoga jisme do log ek school ke baccho ki uddandta ko sudharne ke liye kiye gaye experience ke bare me baat kar rahe hai, kahani ka pace bahut jyada tha sath ki character introduction me writer ne jyada mehnat nahi ki hai, pehle experiment me us ladke ke sath us mahila teacher ne jo prayog kiya use sudharne ke liye unhe aur detail me likha ja sakta tha ya khud us ladke ke perspective se likhna kahani aur aur bhi behtar bana sakta tha. Koshish kafi achi thi, a good read
Review:Overview- ye is contest me writer ki dusri peshkash hai jo ki unki pehli kahani se bilkul alag hai, ye kahani kahani kam aur kisi artical ke jaise jyada lagti hai jisne uddant ladko ko kaise sabak sikha kar sidha karna hai iska kissa bataya gaya hai.. kahani ladko aur ladkiyo ki mansikta aur unke behaviour ko sudharne ke experiment ke bare me hai Pros- the concept, kahani ka concept bahut hi alag aur badhiya choose kiya hai, humari male dominant society me agar kisi ladke ko ladkiyo ke samne saja di jaye to iska uspar gehra fark padta hai aur wo apne aap ko un ladkiyo ke samne behtar banane ki koshish karta hai ye is kahani dwara bataya gaya hai. Cons- though concept kafi sahi tha but ise kahani kehne se better ek kissa kehna jyada sahi hoga jisme do log ek school ke baccho ki uddandta ko sudharne ke liye kiye gaye experience ke bare me baat kar rahe hai, kahani ka pace bahut jyada tha sath ki character introduction me writer ne jyada mehnat nahi ki hai, pehle experiment me us ladke ke sath us mahila teacher ne jo prayog kiya use sudharne ke liye unhe aur detail me likha ja sakta tha ya khud us ladke ke perspective se likhna kahani aur aur bhi behtar bana sakta tha. Koshish kafi achi thi, a good read
Review: Overview - An emotional story that touched readers heart with its simplicity. Atti uttam :claps:. Nilesh ek apangh tha or start mein jiss hissab se aapne usko show kiya football k match k dauraan usase readers ki sympathy or jyaada hogayi Nilesh k sath. Story was full of emotions from the beginning to the end. Narration was on point. Pros - Story kaa plot main kahunga iss story kaa sabse strong part tha. Although plot kaafi common tha but disabled angle daalke aapne isko unique bana liya :claps:. Then second point tha story mein bharrpur emotions jo iss tarah ki stories mein chaar chand laga detey hain or waisa he hua story mein 4 chand laga diye aapne :bow:. Cons:- Well sabse pehle toh main aapko ek daant lagaana caahunga aapki jaldbaaji k liye i know you are a busy person but itani awesome story ko aapko thoda or time dena cahiye tha kyunki kaafi spelling and grammatical mistakes thi story mein jiss wajah se story k andar ghussne mein mujhe thodi takleef hui. Then secondly start bahot he badhiya thi story ki flow ekdum on point tha woh football kaa match woh Nilesh kaa introduction uski job ki details then uss Shanaya ki entry lekin middle mein jaake aapne flow todd diya i think maybe sci fi angle dene k liye yaa jo bhi ho but Aisa laga bichmein aap distracted they obviously end mein aapne flow firse catch karliya jiss wajah se story ne firse apni or khincha readers ko. Overall ye mistakes nahi hoti and participating story hoti toh ye story winner thi mere liye..
Review: Overview- An incest theme story, jisme ek ladki ko uski saheli usi ke bhai se sex karne ke liye raji karti hai, it was a normal story with a little bit of twist jisme ek teesra character hai jo ki main characters ke beech huye sex ki main sutradhar hai, shalu jo ki ek gaon ki ladki hai aur 12th ka exam pass kar ke apne bhai vikas se sath rehne shahar me aayi hai waha uski dosti pihu se hoti hai jo use sex ke bare ne batati hai aur dheere dheere pihu ki bato se shalu vikas ki or akarshit hone lagti hai aur ultimately vikas aur shalu ek dusre ke sath sex relations bana lete hai jisme pihu ka bahut bada yogdan hai Pros- the narration, kahani ko kafi ache se narrate kiya hai aapne sath hi sare characters apna role bakhubi nibhate hai Cons- story’s pace and less seduction, aisa laga story bahut fast chal rahi hai aur kahani me slow seduction ki kami lagi, usually incest stories me sex se jyada uske pehle ka seduction logo ko jyada appeal karta hai jo ki yaha thoda missing laga sath hi pihu aur vikas ke beech ka relation theek se describe nahi kiya gaya hai, bagair kisi strong dosti ke koi bhi ladki kisi ladke ko uski behan ke sath sex karne ke liye nahi mana pati, use aur ache se describe kiya ja sakta tha jisse kahani aur bhi jyada badhiya ho jati. Writer has done a good job writing this one, umeed hai aapse aage bhi aisi hi behtarin kahaniya dekhne milengi
Review: Overview- An incest themed story which shows open sex in family, deep jise uski maa ne uske mama ke ghar chhutiya bitane bheja tha wo thoda upset tha aur jab use uske waha bhejne ka reason pata chala tab uske hosh ud gaye, deep ki maa ne uski mami ko chuna tha use sex ki training dene ke liye ya yu kahe ki ye ek tarah se unki family ka ritual tha ki jab ladka ya ladki ek typical age Cross kar le to unhe family me se hi koi sex ki traning deta tha aur yaha deep ko uski mami ne ye training di Pros- characters and plot selection, though plot unique nahi tha but uska execution bahut ache dhang se kiya gaya hai, sath hi kahani ka har kirdar apna role bakhubi nibhata hai, Cons- story ka pace, story ending tak pahuchte huye bahut hi fast chalne lagti hai, sath hi yaha sab deep ko pehle hi pata chal jata hai ki use waha kyu bheja gaya hai isse kahani ka excitement kam ho jata hai, open sex in family ek raaz ki tarah hota hai jise yaha dheere deere deep ke saamne laya jata to kahani aur bhi achi ho jati, sath hi jab deep ko pata chal hi chuka tha ke use uski mami ke sath sex karna hai isse seduction wala part hi khatam ho gaya. Overall a good try mate, keep writing
Review: Overview- Yeh meri is contest me padhi ki sabse umda kahaniyo me se ek hai, esha jo ki kahani ki main lead hai aur wohi hame uski kahani sunati hai, about her lost soul, the girl dealing with some mental trauma and living into her own world creating world of her own imagination creating her own stories, this one amazed me while I was reading it Pros- the concept and its execution, is tarah ke kirdaro ko likhna bahut mushkil kaam hota hai wo bhi first person perspective se and the writer has done it with an ease, esha's story, her struggle to find her lost soul was shown very beautifully and the character of her brother prateek who is the only member in her family who is trying to understand the state of esha really stands out Cons- I felt a lack of emotions at some points in the story, esha ki family uski condition ke bare me jaante the still kisi ne usse samajhne ki koshish nahi ki, yaha esha ki family ka pov dikhana kahani ko aur jyada interesting bana sakta tha. Overall the story was brilliantly written and writer deserves a applause for writing such a story with an ease
Review: Overview- A story of an extra marital affair, kahani vikram jo ki ek airforce officer hai, uski patni sharmila aur vikram ke dost kabir ke ird gird ghumti hai jaha sharmila ne apne hi pati ke best friend ke sath sharirik sambandh banaye jiska pata vikram ko chal gaya jab woh sharmila ko surprise dene ke hetu se ek hafte pehle hi chhuti lekar ghar aa gaya aur usne kabir aur sharmila ko apne hi ghar me sex karte huye dekh liya aur wahi usi moment par usne sharmila ke sath apne sabhi rishte khatam karne ka man bana liya, well pati patni ka ristlhta bahut najuk hota hai aur uske tikane ke liye vishwas ki jarurat hoti hai, kayi baar kuch halat aise ban jate hai ke insan aisi galtiya kar baithta hai jiske liye use jindagi bhar pachtana padta hai jo ki yaha sharmila ke sath hua. Pros- the narration, story ka narration bahut ache tarike se kiya gaya hai har ek character apna role bakhubi nibhata hai vikram ka gussa, sharmila ka darr jab use lagta hai ke vikram ko sab pata chal gaya hai was portrayed very well. Cons- the pace, kahani bahut jyada fast gati se daud rahi thi aur hame bas yaha vikram ka perspective dekhne mila, yaha agar vikram aur sharmila ka koi interaction hota to kahani aur bhi jyada interesting ho jati hame sharmila ka point of view bhi dekhne milta ke aisi kya situation thi ke use kabir ke sath sambandh bane.. vikram aur sharmila ke beech lack of communicaton se kahani thodi adhuri lagti hai.. yaha sharmila ka point of view ek badhiya kaam nibhata. Overall the story was a good read
Review: Overview- A futuristic story based on an alien attack on earth, ye ek thoda unique concept hai aur future me ho sakne wali ghatnao ke bare me sochna aur use ek behtarin kahani ka roop dena writer ke skills ko darshata hai, kahani me san 2060 me prithvi par huye alien attack ko bataya gaya hai jisse saari duniya me tabahi ka manjar faila hua hai aur aise me do jabaz, aryan aur leera jimma uthate hai prithvi ko bachane ka, aryan jo ki ek mma fighter hai aur leera jo ki ek police officer hai dono ne aliens ka bakhubi mukabla kiya aur ant me unhe pata chala ke ye attack ek galat information ke chalte hua tha jo ki unhi ke logo ki failayi thi Pros- plot selection and execution, futuristic theme ki story select karna aur likhna bahut mushkil kaam hai jo chize abhi huyi hi nahi hai hum unki kewal kalpana kar sakte hai aur aapne unhe shabdo me lakar apni kalpana ko sajeev kar diya hai, kahani ke actin scene kafi badhiya tarike se likhe gaye hai jo ki kahani ko aur bhi rochak banata hai Cons- the love angle and lack of clarity, mere hisab se kahani me aryan aur leera ka love angle unnecessary tha wo agar kahani me na bhi hota tab bhi kahani par kuch fark nahi padta sath hi earth par itna bada alien attack ho gaya lekin uski back story kisi ko pata nahi chali, end me aisa laga mano writer ne man rakhne ke liye wo galat information wali baat likh di, ye aur bhi ache se likha ja sakta tha jisse kahani ka leval aur bhi badhiya hota, story ka premise amsterdam me bataya gaya hai wo bhi agar india ke location pe hota to baki characters se connection jud pata foreign character ka hindi me baat karna ajeeb lagta hai. Baharhaal kahani kafi badhiya hai aur hum umeed karte hai aage bhi aap apni umda kahaniyo se hamara manoranjan karte rahenge
Review: Overview- Ye is contest ki un chuninda kahaniyo me se ek hai jo aapke dimag ko hila ke rakh degi, past aur present me chalti ye kahani yug naam ke ek bande ke ird grid ghumti hai jo dissociative identity disorder se peedit hai aur apne ander 3 shaksiyat paal raha hai yug sehyug aur yash Ye ek behad hi pechida topic hai jispar kahani likhna apne aap me ek tarif ki baat hai aur writer ne ise bahut ache tarike se nibhaya hai Yug jo ki DID se peedit hai wo apni dusri identity se wakif hai jo ki sehyug hai lekin yash ki use koi khabar nahi hai aur yash ke bare me kewal uski behan naina ko pata hota hai aur uska pencil ka fobia bhi kuch had tak yash ki hi den hai Yaha yug ek padhne me kamjor aur darpok baccha hai wahi sehyug ek hoshiyar aur yash ke nidar aur gussail personality hai aur ek hi insan ke in teeno kirdaro ko kahani me bakhubi bataya gaya hai Pros- the theme of story, is kahani ka concept hi ise unique banata hai DID ke marij ko center me rakh kar uske ird grid kahani likhna ek mushkil kaam hai lekin writer ne use bahut ache tarike se kiya hai, kahani ka har kirdar apne role bakhubi nibhata hai, dr. Anand se leke ayan tak sab apne role me umda najar aate hai Cons- timeline of the story, kahani har scene me past aur present me switch hoti hai jisse padhne walo ke dimag me confusion badhne lagta hai aur wo yug ke character se sahi se connect nahi ho pata wahi priyanshi ka character par writer ne thoda dhyan kam diya hai isiliye jaha priyanshi jo bas apne aap se pyar karti thi wo yug/sehyug ki success dekh ke usse saccha pyar karne lagi ye thoda atpata laga wahi naina aur yash ka sex karna bhi khatakta hai kyuki DID yug ko tha naina ko nahi us ek scene se story ka genre thriller ke sath sath incest thriller ho gaya. Baharhaal kahani ko bahut hi ache dhang se pesh kiya gaya hai superbly written
Points: 6.5/10
Story : घोड़ों को नहीं मिल रही घांस और गधे खा रहे च्यवनप्राश!’
Written by: Sangeeta Maurya
Review: Overview : very nice.. Story ka plot reality based tha jisko aap ne ek natkiya dhang se aur vyang ka rup de ke prastut kiya hai Wo bhi is baat ka khayal rakhte huwe ki story padhne pe kisi ko maza aaye na ki gussa aur sath me hi aap ne chunav me hone wale sare kaale kand ko apni taraf se ujagar kiya hai. Pros: aap ki story telling adbhut thi koi bhi is tarha ki reality based story ko sahi tarike se nahi likh sakta lekin ise aapne kafi sahi dhang se likha hai, comic timing bhi aapki bahot sahi thi. Good job on that. Cons : jaisa ki maine pehle hi kaha tha reality based story likhna mushkil hota hai wahi aap ke sath bhi huwa hai story ko jyada bhagaya gaya hai jabki aap ke pass aur words baki they likhne ke liye Plus aapne story ko funny rakhne ke liye funny naam use kiye hai lekin agar dialouges wagairaah bhi us tarha hote to ye ek behtar story hoti. Overall a good try.
Review: Overview : very nice.. Story ka plot reality based tha jisko aap ne ek natkiya dhang se aur vyang ka rup de ke prastut kiya hai Wo bhi is baat ka khayal rakhte huwe ki story padhne pe kisi ko maza aaye na ki gussa aur sath me hi aap ne chunav me hone wale sare kaale kand ko apni taraf se ujagar kiya hai. Pros: aap ki story telling adbhut thi koi bhi is tarha ki reality based story ko sahi tarike se nahi likh sakta lekin ise aapne kafi sahi dhang se likha hai, comic timing bhi aapki bahot sahi thi. Good job on that. Cons : jaisa ki maine pehle hi kaha tha reality based story likhna mushkil hota hai wahi aap ke sath bhi huwa hai story ko jyada bhagaya gaya hai jabki aap ke pass aur words baki they likhne ke liye Plus aapne story ko funny rakhne ke liye funny naam use kiye hai lekin agar dialouges wagairaah bhi us tarha hote to ye ek behtar story hoti. Overall a good try.
Review: Overview - nice story..Dungeon Master jo ki apne duniya ko bachane ke liye sabke khilaf jata hai uski ek galti se dusre universe se uska alag variant jo ki dark mage tha wo aake uske pita aur use harakar Dungeon Master ki jagah pure 2saal tak rehta hai lekin uska ant kabhi to hona hi tha aur story me wahi huwa akhir me Dungeon Master ne ya yu kahe uske pita ke sacrifice se use jo shakti mili usse dark mage ko Dungeon ne hara diya aur baad me apni duniya bhi bachai Pros- fantasy ke hisab se dekhe to story ek alag lavel pe thiJo sab ko sochne pe majbur karti hai ki kya ho agar multiverse exist karta ho aur hamara hi dusra koi variant ho tab kya ho agar wo hamse alag ho? Aap ne bhi isi baat ko bakhubi dikhaya hai aur last me jo multiverse ke khulne ke baad ke khatre ko dikhate huwe twist dala hai wo story ko kafi damdar banata hai. Cons- story kafi unique idea se likhi thi lekin kuch kami he jo mujhe lagi jaise drogon ka intro jo kafi lamba khicha tha jabki uska jyada role hi nahi thaAur dusri baat ye ki hero ko flashback khatam hote hi azad karwa diya jabki story ka naam Breaker of chains hai kuch aur twist rakhte to story ka lavel hi alag hota. Story kaa narration fantasy k hissab se upto standards nahi tha so you really need to work on that overall a good read..
Review:Overview - A mystery thriller story, kahani shuru hoti hai hamari heroine se jo koi therapy ka session le rahi hai jaha ko apni life ki story batati hai ke jaise usne apni maa ko use uske boyfriend ke sath live in me rehne ke liye manaya, jiske baad apne partner se dhokha milna, that rough sex, betrayel from a friend, baad me use apni pregenency ka pata chalna aur sath hi aman ki asliyat ka bhi jo bas uske sath uske bacche ke liye tha, and at last a pre planned murder of her childs father.. Pros- Presenting such a huge plot in a short story is amazing, is kahani me wo sabkuch hai jo ki ek reader thriller stories me padhna chahta hai, it has love, sex, drama, betrayel, murder, everything and the way writer as presented it is amazing, the dialogues and language stands out, also the narration was good which makes you feel invested into the story, writer kahani ka flow barkarar rakhne me kamiyab huyi hai aapko aisa nahi lagega ke kahani kahi chhut rahi hai na hi kahani me boriyat feel hoti hai jo writer ki skills show karta hai, dialoues kafi depth ke sath likhe gaye hai jiise us scene ke emotions readers tak ache se pahuchte hai, and at the end the character developement, har character apne apne role me bakhibi fit baitha hai, ek short story me padhne wale ko characters se connect karne ka kaam writer ne bahut ache se kiya hai.. Cons- jab ek short story me itne sare scene characters aa jate hai to unko manage karna bahut hi mushkil kaam ho jata hai jiske chalte kahi kahi kuch scene bahut jaldi khatam kar diye gaye aisa lagta hai, padma ka character jaha starting me ek main role nibhata najar aata hai wahi kahani ke later half me puri tarah gayab ho jata hai, and same with neeraj, over all it is a brilliant story
Review: Overview - A close to reality story which showed us a whole lot of things from comedy by describing the exmas as t20 format then knowledge by your quotes and to seriousness.. Story was kind of a satire to modern college life. Overall very well written.. :claps: Pros:- Story was real life based and these type of stories are very hard to write but you did a fantastic job writing this. The narration was also on point and there wasn't many grammatical mistakes that made this story easier to read. Scenes were described in depth that also made this a must read story.. Cons - My issue with this story was that it was too pacy it was like you were skipping through time zones like i was reading this story in a flow and suddenly out of nowhere and with no particular reason came "3 days later, 3 year earlier, after the exams" it was like i was missing a lot of this story.A tip i want to give you if you are describing past or skipping some days then describe why you went there in the first place do not suddenly just start "3 years earlier". That ruins the flow of the story. Otherwise a worth read.*
Review: Overview - Back to back stories by you with the kind of same motive. But this one was a lot improved then previous one the reason was it was more focused on the plot rather than anything else. It was another emotional love story that i Loved reading. All the characters were perfectly added to the story. Be it Ashwin His Dad, Madhu, Adithya or Yazhini.. Pros:-As i said the story was perfectly on plot and the plot you selected was wonderful. Indian Army and a love story that's a typical Bollywood movie plot but you made it interesting with your writing. The flow of this story was a lot better then your previous story. Cons - You messed this story with the point of views story had so many pov's due to the changing timezones that it got confusing for you and you made many mistakes using him instead of me and the other way around. Second issue was ending was boring because it was kind of expected and was copied from Bollywood movies Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it had nothing new to offer to the readers and because of a brilliant start to this story we needed a lot better ending..
Review: Review - dekha jaye to ye story incest thi lekin jis tarha se aapne ise dikhaya hai tarif ke kabil he past aur present ka jod hamesha sahi rehta hai aur aapne ise achhe se dikhaya hai. Ye ek bhai behan ki story he jisme kuch saal pehle dono me kuch huwa tha jisse unke bich duriya aagai thi. Lekin abhi ke samay me jab raaj ko rucha ke ghar jana padta hai to wahi baate fir se dohrai jati hai lekin is baar pehle jaha rucha ki sehmati nahi thi is baar uski bhi rajamandi rehti he aur isi se unke naye rishte ki shuruwat hoti haiPros - incest ke hisab se aap ne sahi dhang se ise dikhaya hai Jaise raaj ka rucha ke taraf akarshit hona fir uske hawas me andha hoke apni behan ke sath wo ganda kaam uski sehmati Jane bina hi karne ki koshish karna Lekin uske baad raaj ko apni galti ka pachtawa hota hai tab ki uska guilt jo tha ya hona chahiye wo aapne sahi dhang se dikhaya haiCons - dekha jaye to kafi chije thi jo dhang se likhi nahi gayi ya dikhai nahi gayi, jaise raaj ka rucha ke taraf akarshit hona aur uske sath wo sab karna bas wo ek din ka incident tha jo thoda atpata laga ki akhir kyu ek bhai bas ek din me itna badal jata hai. Aur raaj ne jo pyar ka naam Ise diya tha wo bhi sahi nahi he kyu ki wo pyar nahi ho sakta jo bathroom me bra aur panty dekh ke jage.ise aap kuch kuch dino ke incident me likhte to raaj kyu itna badla wo sahi dikha sakte they Ab aate hai story ke main part pe jo mujhe sahi nahi laga aur wo tha rucha ka itne salo baad achanak se Maan jana lekin kyu ye nahi pata, shayad apne pati ke wajah se jise aapne dikhane ki koshish ki lekin wo itni sahi nahi thi.
Review: Overview :- Very well tried. Ye story ek one sided love story hai Jisme jass aur Poonam main character's he jinki dosti itni achhi hoti hai ki usme koi darar nahi la sakta fir chahe wo Poonam ka bf ravi hi kyu na ho. Pros - story ka Strong point tha jass ka uske sath itna hone ke baad bhi apni story pe tike rehna Fir chahe Poonam ka apne kiye wade ko bhul jana ho ya ravi ke uske sath kiye jhagde ke baad bhi apni dosti pe tike rehna wo kabhi badla nahi yahi story ko strong banata hai. Cons - story ka end thik nahi tha ya kahe wo end nahi laga , aap chahte to story aur behtar bana sakte they jaise last me jass aur Poonam ka KYa huwa Ravi kyu gaya wagera jisse story kafi hadtak sahi rehti
Review: Overview :- very nice story suspense thril se bharpur apne title ko justify karti hui Kahani shuru hoti he ek murder se jisko suljhate huwe crime branch ke 2 officers aur police commissioner tak involve hote hai fir aage jake suspence ka tadka lagta hai wo story ko aur char chand lagata hai Aur jab last me khooni ka pata lagata hai to uske kehane hi kya :bow: Pros - story me Dale gaye hint is story ko behatar banate hai, Jaise lash ko dekhte waqt commissioner ka chaukna fir chor ke kagaj chin ke bhagne ke baad uska waha aana ho ya fir aditya ke sath jhadap ke baad use arrest karne aane pe uske gale pe patti hona ye saf jahir karta hai ki commissioner isme involve hai lekin jab aditya hi khuni sabit hota hai wo twist jabardast tha. Cons - kaha jaye to story ki speed jyada thi lekin wold limited story ke wajah se use ignore kar sakte hai lekin aur bhi bate thi jaise Aaditya ka hi suyash hona ye khatakta hai kyu ki usne apni pehchan kyu na chupai ho last me usne bola tha ki meri help us shahar se nikalne me chaitanya ne ki thi to fir use to pata hoga na aditya ya suyash ka?? Ye baat koi nahi socha Aur sabse badi baat ye ki writing expert ke janch se hi kaise aditya khuni sabit huwa? Aap ko ye baat detail me dikhani chahiye thi aur last me judge ka aditya ko bolna ki tum hi batao ki khun kyu kiya? Matlb aap use khuni ghoshit kar rahe ho aur puch usse hi rahe ho ye kya baat hui :D
Review: Overview :- pehle to :bow: itni badhiya kavita likhne ke liye Story ke half tak to yahi laga tha ki writer nahi koi kavi hi he jo apni kavita writing competition me post kiya hai :D Lekin baad me jab story start hui wo bhi kamal ki thi :superb: Hamare bachpan ke kisse bhi kisi kahani se kam nahi hai aur aap ne bhi usi ko yaha sabit kiya hai :claps: Story me jis tarha bhaiyyo ko dikhaya hai usse koi bhi reader chote bhai ke jagah apne aap ko hi dekhega agar usse bada koi bhai ho to :D Kahani ke kuch part mazedar they jaise bhaiyyo ka ek dusre ki gf ke taraf ungli uthana is tarha ke funny aur awkward scene ko padhte time maza bahut aaya Pros - story ka sabse strong part tha uska end jo end tha hi nahi aap ne wo sab padhne walo pe choda hai ki aap jaisa chaho apni imagination se use pura kardo fir chahe chakka laga ke jitwao ya bold hoke harao ya chauka laga ke tie hi kyu na Karde :D Sare readers relate karenge agar unhone bhi aisa Bachchan jiya ho to aur is baat ka aap ne bhi bakhubi fayda uthaya hai is baat ka + point to aap ko jarur milega :thumbup: Cons - story ka half part bas kavita me kon nikalta hai :doh: Iske baad story me kuch dailoge ki kami lagi jiss wajah se narration theek se nahi hua story kaa you need to work on that..
Review: Overview - kahani shuru hoti hai jagdish naam ke insan se jo apne bete ko apni bahu ke sath maar peet karte dekh dukhi ho raha hai aur apne bete ko rokne ki koshish karta hai lekin uska beta uski baat nahi sunta, jisse wo aur dukhi ho jata hai, jiske baad kahani chalti hai flash back me jaha jagdish apni hi kahani batata hai ki kaise wo apni jawani ke dino me kuch bure dosto ki sangat ki wajah se ek aiyaash aadmi bana, apni ki patni par julm kiya, use dhoka diya jiske chalte uski patni ne atmahatya kar li, par wo yaha bhi nahi ruka, usne dusri shadi ki jiske baad se uske jivan me badlav hone shuru huye aur aaj jo kuch bhi usne apni pehli patni ke sath kiya ha wohi uska beta uski bahu ke sath kar raha hai, aise me jagdish ko apni mrit patni ki chitthi milti hai jisme wo use apne bete ko acha insan banane kehti hai jise padh ke jagdish atmaglani se bhar jata hai aur ant me apni bahu ke sath mil kar apne bete ko sahi raah par le aata hai. Pros- The story line, narration, and dialogues, writer ne kahani ka plot bahut hi acha choose kiya hai aur use execute bhi ache tarike se kiya hai, ye ek emotinal kahani hai jo ek insan ke puri life ko batati hai sath hi hame ye bhi batati hai ke hum jaise karma karenge unka fal hame kisi na kisi rup me isi janm me bhugatna padega, kahani ka title use ache se justify karta hai, writer ne emotional dialogues bahut ache tarike se likhe hai jinse characters ki feeling ka aapko ache se andaj aata hai. sath hi jagdish ke character ko bhi bahut achi tarah se likha gaya hai uska character developement hame puri kahani me dekhne milta hai. Aap kahin bhi plot se nahi hatti jo ek or plus point hai aapne humessa plot ko pehle rakha jiss wajah se kahaani wahaan takk pohanchi jahaan aap pohanchaana caahti thi. *Cons- Kahani thodi slow speed se aage badhti hai, kayi scene aise lagte hai mano unhe bahut jyada khicha gaya ho jisse kahani ke flow par asar padta hai aur waha kahani padhte huye thodi boriyat si hone lagti hai, jise aur better kiya ja sakta tha overall it is a brilliant story.
Review: Overview :- An extremely weird story with Adultery and cheating wife theme. Siraj or Naina dono kaa he character thoda weak laga mujhe. Naina ka husband hospitalised tha and woh uske sath thi wahin Siraj unexpectedly wahaan hota hai and woh Naina ko stalk karne lagta hai and then suddenly wohlog sathmein raat gujaartey hain and next thing you know they had sex.. Pros :-Story kaa plot kaafi interesting select kiya tha aapne, second part story kaa narration bahot he badhiya tha itana pace par chalne k baad bhi narration bahot he acha maintain kiya aapne so props on that. Cons - Jaisa maine pehle kaha story bahot jyaada jaldbaaji mein likhi aapne jiss wajah se bahot kuch miss kiya aapne. Adultery stories ko itminaan se seduction way mein likha jaata hai jisase story mein interest banta hai jabki aapne sabkuch jaldbaaji mein dikhaaya jo realistic nahi laga mujhe so you need to work on that..
Review: Overview :-- very nice story Jis tarha se story ka naam he waise hi story bhi hai. Ye story he rohan ki jo shadi ke liye sale pe laga huwa hai lekin kismat ke chalte har baar deal cancel ho jati hai aur wo apna "for sell" ka bord gale me latkaye yaha se waha ghumta rehta hai jisme uske pariwaar aur rishtedar bhi uske piche lage rehte hai Yaha se waha dikhane ko. Aap ne story me aaj ke ladko ko shadi ke liye kya kya musibat jhelni padti he ye dikhaya hai chahe wo fir kam qualification ho ya kam Sallery isse to ladki aur ladki ke gharwalon ko nafrat rehti hai aur fir wo kis tarha se bina inkar kiye bhi inkar karte hai wo bhi sahi se dikhaya gaya hai Pros - story ka comic way hi story ka strong part tha. Jis tarha se aap ne ise dikhaya hai uski tarif karni padegi. Dialouges aur situation ek dam relatable lagti hai aisa kahi bhi nahi lagta ki ye kuch atpata hai. All around ye ek behtarin story thi mere hisab se :bow: Cons - story ki ending thodi fiki lagi warna iske alawa kuch kami nahi hai nikalne ko Agar aap last scene ko aur jyada funny banate to aur behtar lagta lekin jo tha wo bhi sahi hi laga. Ab bas itna hi mujhe bhi ladki dekhne jana hai :D
Review: Review - very nice story Kahani shuru hoti hai gopal ke apni ma chanda aur dost harish ke najayaj sambandho ko pakadne se jaha wo gusse me apne dost ki pitai karta hai to wahi chanda pe hath uthane ke chalte wo jakhmi ho jati hai aur use hospital me admit karna padta hai. Kuch din baad jab wo ghar laut raha tha to use ek apne hi maa ki ham umar aurat milti hai Jiski madat wo karta hai aur apne ghar le jata hai fir halato ke chalte unme sharirik samband bante hai jisme wo aurat gopal ke maa ka role play karti hai Aur jab gopal dusre din use chhodne jata hai to use pata chalta hai ki wo uske dost harish ki maa hai.Fir jo kuch bhi pehle huwa aur raat me jo huwa uske chalte gopal apne dost ko maaf karta hai Lekin kahani ka twist yahi aata hai ki sudha jo ki harish ki maa thi wo uski maa na hoke bas ye mohra thi jo harish ke kehne pe gopal ko fasane gai thi aur usme kamiyab bhi hui thi. Pros - Admi agar niche gire to wo kis kadar nicha gir sakta hai aur wahi admi apne aap ko sahi sabit karne ke liye samne wale ko apne se aur nicha gira bhi sakta hai ye bakhubi dikhaya hai Harish ne bhi kahani me yahi kiya usne apne aap ko sahi batane ke liye gopal ko hi galat bana diya. Yahi story ka sabse strong part tha Cons - kahani ke kuch part atpate lage jaise sudha ka bold tarike se baat karna jiske chalte aisa lagta hai ki ye ek bajaru aurat he aap agar sudha ke kirdar ko aur sahi se dikhate to kahani aur jabardast ban sakti thi.
Points: 6/10
Story :HAVELI
Written by: Legend
Review: Review - nice story Kahani nadipur gaav ke haveli ki hai jisko haunted mana gaya hai jiski sachhai janne kuch log waha jate hai aur puchtach karte hai lekin log batane ko tayyar nahi they lekin ek bujurg ne bataya uske mutabik waha rehne wale thakur ne apni beti ke pyar ko maar diya tha jiske chalte uski beti ne bhi apni Jaan di aur tabse wo waha atma ban ke ghum rahi hai. A unique story with an interesting concept. Pros - nandini wali story, story ka strong part thi jo har horror stories Ke liye jaruri hota hai. Story kaa flow aapne throughout the story maintain rakha jo ek or plus point tha story kaa.. Cons - bahut kami thi story me aap ne horror story likhi lekin story me horror tha hi nahi use bas 1line me nipta diya agar kuch add karte jaise unke sath raat me kya kya huwa tha wagera to story me jaan aati. Story k andar suspense missing tha jo aap create nahi kar paaye unfortunately so you need to work on that.
Review: Review - nice story Kahani nadipur gaav ke haveli ki hai jisko haunted mana gaya hai jiski sachhai janne kuch log waha jate hai aur puchtach karte hai lekin log batane ko tayyar nahi they lekin ek bujurg ne bataya uske mutabik waha rehne wale thakur ne apni beti ke pyar ko maar diya tha jiske chalte uski beti ne bhi apni Jaan di aur tabse wo waha atma ban ke ghum rahi hai. A unique story with an interesting concept. Pros - nandini wali story, story ka strong part thi jo har horror stories Ke liye jaruri hota hai. Story kaa flow aapne throughout the story maintain rakha jo ek or plus point tha story kaa.. Cons - bahut kami thi story me aap ne horror story likhi lekin story me horror tha hi nahi use bas 1line me nipta diya agar kuch add karte jaise unke sath raat me kya kya huwa tha wagera to story me jaan aati. Story k andar suspense missing tha jo aap create nahi kar paaye unfortunately so you need to work on that.
Points: 6.5/10.
Story : Bawadi
Written by: Mr.Writer
Review: Overview - A horror genre story, kahani shuru hoti hai aaju aur sanju se jo dono behad jigri dost hai aur apne gaon me hi masti karte hai, wahi unke gaon me ek aisi bawadi hai jisko leke kafi kahaniya wo apne gaon ke bade budho se sunte aaye hai, ki kaise waha ek aurat nr bawadi me kud ke jaan de di thi aur ab waha uski aatma ka vaas hai aur gaon ke log use shant rakhne ke liye waha us aatma ko kuch bhet vastu dete hai, jab ajju aur sanju ne ye sab baate suni too unke man me us bawadi ke paas jakar dekhne ki icha huyi, human psychology hai jis chiz ke liye aapko mana kiya jata hai insan wahi chize karne lagta hai aur yahi ajju aur sanju ke sath hua jiske baad dono ki jindagi badal gayi, waha unka samna us aatma se hua jiske chalte ajju ki maut ho gayi, sanju bhi jab dobara himmat juta kar aaju ko bawadi par dhundhne pahucha to use ajju ki aatma aur wo chudail dono wala dikhai diye aur darr ke mare wo bhi mar gaya. Pros- Horror story ka ek main element hota hai uska fear factor jo ki yaha is kahani se apne ache se dekhne ko milta hai, gaon ka mahol, ek abandoned bawadi, do shaitan ladke jinke man me us bawadi ka raaz janne ki icha hoti hai ek perfect environment create karta hai horror kahani ke liye, kahani ka plot unique nahi tha, end twist me kya hona tha jo sab jaante the lekin fir bhi writer readers ko kahani ke ant tak khichne me kamiyab rahe hai, predictable end hone ke bawajud aage ka hoga iski utsukta bani rehti hai aur uske liye writer praise deserve karte hai. Cons- lack of suspense and details, fear ke sath sath horror kahani ne suspense ka role bhi utna hi ahem hai taki padhne walo ke man ne jyada utsukta bani rahe, jo yaha is kahani me thoda missing lagta hai sath ki horror scene ko aur bhi detail me agar likha jata jaise ki us chudail ke apperence ko to kahani aur bhi behtar ho sakti thi.
Review: Overview - A horror genre story, kahani shuru hoti hai aaju aur sanju se jo dono behad jigri dost hai aur apne gaon me hi masti karte hai, wahi unke gaon me ek aisi bawadi hai jisko leke kafi kahaniya wo apne gaon ke bade budho se sunte aaye hai, ki kaise waha ek aurat nr bawadi me kud ke jaan de di thi aur ab waha uski aatma ka vaas hai aur gaon ke log use shant rakhne ke liye waha us aatma ko kuch bhet vastu dete hai, jab ajju aur sanju ne ye sab baate suni too unke man me us bawadi ke paas jakar dekhne ki icha huyi, human psychology hai jis chiz ke liye aapko mana kiya jata hai insan wahi chize karne lagta hai aur yahi ajju aur sanju ke sath hua jiske baad dono ki jindagi badal gayi, waha unka samna us aatma se hua jiske chalte ajju ki maut ho gayi, sanju bhi jab dobara himmat juta kar aaju ko bawadi par dhundhne pahucha to use ajju ki aatma aur wo chudail dono wala dikhai diye aur darr ke mare wo bhi mar gaya. Pros- Horror story ka ek main element hota hai uska fear factor jo ki yaha is kahani se apne ache se dekhne ko milta hai, gaon ka mahol, ek abandoned bawadi, do shaitan ladke jinke man me us bawadi ka raaz janne ki icha hoti hai ek perfect environment create karta hai horror kahani ke liye, kahani ka plot unique nahi tha, end twist me kya hona tha jo sab jaante the lekin fir bhi writer readers ko kahani ke ant tak khichne me kamiyab rahe hai, predictable end hone ke bawajud aage ka hoga iski utsukta bani rehti hai aur uske liye writer praise deserve karte hai. Cons- lack of suspense and details, fear ke sath sath horror kahani ne suspense ka role bhi utna hi ahem hai taki padhne walo ke man ne jyada utsukta bani rahe, jo yaha is kahani me thoda missing lagta hai sath ki horror scene ko aur bhi detail me agar likha jata jaise ki us chudail ke apperence ko to kahani aur bhi behtar ho sakti thi.
Points: 6/10
Story : Saloni ka Pyar
Written by: Legend
Review: Review - story ek restaurant ki he jisme saloni manager thi. Ek din use pata chalta hai ki uske staff ka ek waiter jiska naam ravi hai wo logo ka khana chura raha hai Aur iski wajah janne ki saloni jab koshish karti hai to ye pata lagta hai ki ravi wo sara khana anath bachho ko de raha tha jisse un bachho ko madat ho rahi thi Ye baat janne ke baad saloni bhi Ravi ki alag tarha se madat karne ko tayyar ho jati hai aur ravi ki achhai dekh ke use usse pyar hota hai.. Pros - story ke jariye jo message dene ki aapne koshish ki he wo kabile tarif he jaha bade log adhe se jyada khana fek dete hai to wahi dusri taraf kuch ko wo khana dekhne ko bhi nasib nahi hota iske liye hame kuch aisa jarur kanra chahiye ki koi bhi aadmi aaj ke jamane me bhuka na rahe. Cons - bas anath bachho ko khana dene ki baat se kisi se pyar ho jaye ye atpata lagta hai yeah attraction jarur create hojaata hai but wahaan se writer ko apne skills se uss relationship ko showcase karna hota hai jisme aao thoda piche rahe. Aapka narration kaafi weak tha aapke plot k muqable jiss wajah se story thodi boring hogayi in the end.
Review: Review - story ek restaurant ki he jisme saloni manager thi. Ek din use pata chalta hai ki uske staff ka ek waiter jiska naam ravi hai wo logo ka khana chura raha hai Aur iski wajah janne ki saloni jab koshish karti hai to ye pata lagta hai ki ravi wo sara khana anath bachho ko de raha tha jisse un bachho ko madat ho rahi thi Ye baat janne ke baad saloni bhi Ravi ki alag tarha se madat karne ko tayyar ho jati hai aur ravi ki achhai dekh ke use usse pyar hota hai.. Pros - story ke jariye jo message dene ki aapne koshish ki he wo kabile tarif he jaha bade log adhe se jyada khana fek dete hai to wahi dusri taraf kuch ko wo khana dekhne ko bhi nasib nahi hota iske liye hame kuch aisa jarur kanra chahiye ki koi bhi aadmi aaj ke jamane me bhuka na rahe. Cons - bas anath bachho ko khana dene ki baat se kisi se pyar ho jaye ye atpata lagta hai yeah attraction jarur create hojaata hai but wahaan se writer ko apne skills se uss relationship ko showcase karna hota hai jisme aao thoda piche rahe. Aapka narration kaafi weak tha aapke plot k muqable jiss wajah se story thodi boring hogayi in the end.
Review: Overview - An unique story jisme number 64 (last) ki jaldbaaji saaf najar aai. Story kaa plot unique tha but aapne usko waapis simple bana diya apni skills ki madad se.. Story mein limited characters they and sabka apna role perfectly distributed tha. Ending kaafi weak thi, overall a good read. Pros-Story simple and clean thi jaisa maine kaha isme writer ki simplicity saaf najar aai. Malini kaa character mera favorite tha and uska introduction and uske emotions kaafi ache dhang se likha aapne. Cons-Jaisa maine kaha number 64 ki jaldbaaji saaf dikhaai di aapki story mein yaani kaafi galatiyan thi iss kahani mein jo obviously time ki kami ki wajah se hua hoga. Spelling mistakes bhi kaafi thi jiss wajah se story kaa flow nahi bana readers k liye. Ye ek bahot achi story hoti agar aap time nikaal k isko likhtey..
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CEC's Note: I would like to thank each and every participants, be it the writers or the readers, you all did a wonderful job and made this contest a huge success. This was the biggest contest of XForum's history in terms of User activity. It was all because of your support. Secondly,I would like to thank the Organizing team for helping me organize this wonderful event.Then i would like to thanks the sponsors of thus contest . And last but not the least i would also like to thank our wise judges for these wonderful results. Great job guys.
'The possibility of failure does not prevent contestants from competing because when we are optimistic, we tend to ignore failure. But it is failure that teaches success. Success and failure are not simultaneous; one must take precedence.' :- Vincent Okay Nwachukwu
. And last but not the least i would also like to thank our wise judges for these wonderful results. Great job guys. 'The possibility of failure does not prevent contestants from competing because when we are optimistic, we tend to ignore failure. But it is failure that teaches success. Success and failure are not simultaneous; one must take precedence.' :- Vincent Okay Nwachukwu
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Also An important information :- Winners with prize money in cash if you do not want to share your personal information (UPi ids or account numbers) then you can use your prize money and exchange it into prime memberships.
harshit1890
Mahi Maurya
Sasha!
harshit1890
Mahi Maurya
Sasha!
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