Chapter - 23
Main shaam ko ghar pahuncha, dimag mein us kameene Hira ki baatein ghoom rahi thi. "Ammi ko patayenge, lekin kaise?" Yeh soch hi raha tha ki meri nazar ammi par padi, jo mere bete Rizwan ko khila rahi thi. Meri ammi, jinki umar kareeb 50 saal thi, ek behad shareef aur mazhabi aurat thi. Woh kaafi parda-pasand thi, hamesha burqa ya bade dupatte mein rehti thi. Unhe dekhkar main soch bhi nahi sakta tha ki koi unhe pata sakta hai. Darasal, patana to door, kisi namehram se baat karna bhi unke liye gunah se kam nahi tha. Main unhe dekhta raha aur Hira ki baaton par man hi man hasne laga, sochkar ki yeh kameena kitna pagalpan bolta hai.
Main fresh hokar sofe par baith kar sustane laga. Kuch hi palon mein Noor mere liye chai aur nashta le aayi. Ammi, Noor, aur main baatein karne lage. Meri nazar baar-baar ammi ke chehre ki taraf ja rahi thi, aur mere zehen mein ek khayal aaya, "Kya meri shareef, parda karne wali mazhabi ammi ko pataya ja sakta hai?" Maine phir wahan se uthkar apne kamre mein chala gaya. Dimag mein sirf yahi baat daud rahi thi ki aakhir meri ammi kaise kisi kameene ke haathon shikaar ban sakti hai. "Yeh mumkin nahi hai," main apne aap mein hasne laga.
Lekin phir mere dimag mein yeh khayal aaya ki agar aisa ho jaye to kitna mazedaar hoga. Yeh soch mere mare hue lund ko khada karne ke liye kaafi thi. Maine apne pyjame ke upar se lund ko haule-haule sehlane laga. "Yaar, ammi ka bhi intezaam ho jaye, aur waise bhi abbu din-bhar bahar hi rehte hain," main yeh sochte hue us kameene Hira ko wapas phone laga diya.
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"Hello, kaise ho?" maine pucha.
"Theek hoon, saale. Bol, kya hua?" Hira ne jawab diya.
"Tum bol rahe the na, ammi ko patwaoge apne dost se?" maine sawal kiya.
"Haan, bhadwe. Tujhe koi dikkat?" usne tana maara.
"Nahi, koi dikkat nahi. Lekin yeh hoga kaise?" maine pucha.
"Tu uski chinta mat kar, bas madad karte ja," Hira ne kaha.
"Bilkul, main to poori madad karunga," maine utsaah se kaha.
"Pata hai mujhe, bhadwe. Tu kuch kar hi nahi paya, isliye yeh sab karna pad raha hai," usne mazaak udaya.
"Yaar, ammi hai meri. Main kya hi kar sakta hoon?" maine safai di.
"Baat to teri bhi sahi hai. Lekin, saale, teri ammi ko patane ke liye teri biwi ki tarah 3 mahine nahi laga sakte," Hira ne kaha.
"Haan, yeh to hai," maine sehmat hote hue kaha.
"Accha, ek baat bata, bhadwe. Teri ammi chudwati hai tere abbu se?" usne sidha sawal kiya.
"Mujhe nahi lagta, yaar," maine jawab diya.
"To koi hai kya uska polish karne wala?" Hira ne shararat se pucha.
"Haha, nahi yaar. Woh to nihayati shareef aur mazhabi khatoon hain," maine kaha.
"Arre, saale, mere dost ko aisi hi auratein pasand hain, haha!" Hira ne haskar kaha.
"Haan, yaar. Woh pat jaye to tujhe bhi aasani ho jayegi," maine kaha.
"Haha, saale bhadwe! Chal, yeh bata—teri ammi se kaise milwaun use?" Hira ne pucha.
"Ammi aur Noor to ghar mein akele hi rehti hain. Unhi ki wajah se tujhe itni dikkat hoti hai," maine bataya.
"Haan, saali mere lund pe tala laga ke khadi hai, randi saali!" Hira ne gaali di.
Uski gaali sun main hans diya. "Haha!"
"Bhadwe, tujhe to bada maza aa raha hai," Hira ne tana maara.
"Haan, yaar. Mujhe to yakeen nahi ho raha ki meri ammi ko tum pataoge," maine kaha.
"Main nahi, bhadwe. Mera dost patayega," Hira ne clear kiya.
"Haan, wahi, yaar. Tumhara dost patayega," maine kaha.
Maine kuch der socha ki aakhir yeh kaise hoga aur phir sawal kiya, "Lekin kaise hoga yeh sab? Main to use mila doon, lekin aage kya?"
"Tu uski chinta mat kar, bhadwe. Panna bahut bada bhabhi-baaz hai. Usne ek baar vidhayak ki biwi tak chod rakhi hai. Teri ammi ki phir kya aukaat?" Hira ne bade guroor se kaha.
"Aisa kya?" maine hairani se pucha.
"Haan, aisa hi hai. Tujhe bas Panna se apni ammi milwani hai. Chodne ka bandobast woh khud kar lega," usne kaha.
Yeh kehkar usne phone kaat diya, aur main ammi ke khayal mein doob sa gaya.
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Raat ko main bistar par sone ke liye leta hua tha, Noor meri peeth se peeth lagaye apne phone mein busy thi. Mera khayal ab ammi par atka hua tha, aur main lagatar soch raha tha, "Kya ammi sach mein pat jayegi?" Aise hi sochte-sochte mujhe neend aa gayi.
Agle din main office ke liye nikal raha tha. Ghar mein sirf ammi, Noor, aur Rizwan the; abbu pehle hi ghar se bahar nikal chuke the. Main bhi bike se office ki taraf nikal gaya. Kuch hi palon mein main office pahuncha, aur aaj kaam kaafi zyada tha, jiski wajah se main usmein masroof ho gaya.
Lunch ke baad main wapas kaam mein lagne hi wala tha ki us kameene Hira ka call aaya. Maine jhat se phone utha liya.
"Bhadwe, main Panna ko leke tere ghar ja raha hoon. Tu bol de gharwalon ko ki chhat pe kuch marammat karni hai," Hira ne kaha aur mere jawab dene se pehle phone kaat diya.
Maine turant ghar pe ammi ko phone lagaya aur jhootha bahana banate hue kaha, "Ammi, chhat pe kuch kaam ke liye maine ek delivery boy aur labour bheja hai." Ammi ne haan mein jawab diya, aur maine phone rakh diya.
Mera dil zor-zor se dhadak raha tha, shareer mein romanch sa uth raha tha, aur main ghabra raha tha. Isi darr ke beech maine dobara us kameene Hira ko phone lagaya aur bataya ki maine chhat ki marammat ka bahana bana diya hai. Meri baat sun kar usne mujhe shabaashi di, jisse mujhe kaafi lazzat mehsoos hui.
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Mera din kasmakas mein beeta. Main jaanna chahta tha ki ghar mein kya ho raha hai, lekin jaanta tha ki ab sara khel us kameene Hira aur uske sathi Panna ke haathon mein hai. Din mein kaam kaafi tha, aur main phir se usmein ulajh gaya.
Shaam ko main ghar kaafi der se pahuncha. Office ke kaam mein phasne ki wajah se main late ho gaya tha. Thaka-hara ghar pahuncha to Noor ne meri khairiyat puchi aur jhat se khana paros diya. Main bhookha tha, so khane mein lag gaya. Ammi, abbu, aur Noor bhi mera intezaar kar rahe the. Hum sab baat-cheet karte hue khana khane lage. Meri nazar baar-baar ammi ki taraf ja rahi thi, main jaanna chahta tha ki aaj kya hua, lekin ammi bilkul waise hi dikh rahi thi, jaise hamesha. Kaafi thak chuka tha, so khana khate hi bistar par let gaya aur lette hi so gaya.
Agle din subah utha, jaldi-jaldi tayyar hua, aur office ke liye bhaga. Noor ne fatafat mera nashta banaya. Kal ke bache hue pending kaam ne meri zindagi haraam kar rakhi thi. Office pahunchte hi report par kaam shuru kiya aur usmein itna masroof ho gaya ki us harami Hira ka phone miss kar diya. Lunch ke waqt jab maine phone uthaya, tab uska miss call dikha.
Maine turant Hira ko phone lagaya.
"Kya haal hai, meri biwi ke boyfriend? Haha!" maine mazaak se kaha.
"Main theek hoon, bhadwe. Phone kyun nahi uthaya?" Hira ne roodhapan se pucha.
"Office ke kaam mein busy tha, yaar. Bata, kuch baat bani?" maine pucha.
"Uski chinta tu mat kar. Accha, bhadwe, mujhe 5000 rupaye bhej," usne kaha.
Main chaunk gaya. "Paise? Woh bhi 5000? Kyun chahiye?" maine sawal kiya.
"Teri biwi—arre, mera matlab meri girlfriend ko gift dena hai," Hira ne kaha.
"To apne paise se de na gift. Mere paise kyun chahiye? Haha!" maine haskar jawab diya.
"Arre, behenchod, tu zabaan ladata hai mujhse? Chupchap paise bhej!" usne gussa dikhaya.
Uska aise dhauns jamana aur gussa dikhana mujhe lazzat ke samundar mein doobne laga. Phir bhi himmat karke maine kaha, "Aur nahi diya to?"
"Behenchod, bhadwe! Paise nahi bheje to teri khair nahi. Itna marunga ki gaand se khoon phekega!" Hira ne dhamki di.
Achanak mujhe ehsaas hua ki usmein kuch zyada hi himmat badh gayi thi, jo mujhe bada accha lag raha tha. "Lekin itne paison ka kya karoge?" maine pucha.
"Tujhe usse kya? Aur saale, agar paise nahi bheje to teri biwi ko kothe pe nachwa ke paise nikalwaunga!" usne kaha.
Ye sun mera lund tan gaya, aur shareer thar-thar kaampne laga. "Apni maal ko nachwaoge? Tumhe zara bhi sharam-laaj hai ya nahi?" maine mazaak mein kaha.
"Saale, behenchod bhadwe! Sahi kaha—teri ammi ko nachwaunga, madarchod!" Hira ne palatwar kiya.
"Lekin woh to usne patayega na? Woh tujhe nachane thodi dega, hee hee," maine haskar kaha.
"Arre, meri jaan, Panna itna bada haramzada hai ki apni maa ko kothe pe baitha de. Teri ammi phir kya cheez hai? Haha!" Hira ne zor se hasa.
Hum dono hasne lage, phir maine kaha, "Theek hai, main paise bhej raha hoon, akhir jaa to wo meri mera matlab tumhari girlfriend ke paas hi. Jo karna hai karo."
Woh mujhpar hasa aur phone kaat diya. Maine bank se uske account mein paise bhej diye.
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Din kaam mein ulajh kar beeta. Sham ko main thaka-hara ghar pahuncha aur jaldi hi so gaya. Agla din Saturday tha, meri chhutti ka din. Main der se utha. Noor ne mere liye chai aur nashta tayyar rakha tha. Main akhbaar liye table par baith gaya. Thodi der baad abbu mere paas aaye aur bagal mein baithkar ek kitaab padhne lage. Kuch pal baad main wahan se utha aur TV dekhne laga. Dheere-dheere waqt beet raha tha. Kareeb 11 baje darwaze par khatkhat ki awaaz aayi. Main sofe se utha, bahar gaya, aur darwaza khola to saamne woh kameena Hira khada tha, aur uske saath ek darawana sa aadmi, jo kisi purani Bollywood film ke gunde jaisa lag raha tha. Unhe dekhkar meri rooh kaamp gayi. Maine kuch pal unhe ghoora, phir chhat ka jhooth yaad aaya. "Oh, chhat ka kaam karne aaye ho? Tum hi ho Panna?" maine us aadmi se pucha. Usne kuch bola nahi, bas haan mein sir hila diya. Maine unhe chhat tak ka rasta dikhaya aur khud sofe par wapas baith gaya. Andar se ghabrahat ho rahi thi, lekin maine use nazarandaaz kiya. Meri nazar ammi ko dhoondh rahi thi, jo apne kamre mein leti hui thi. Kuch pal beete hi the ki Hira ka message aaya: "Ammi ko bhej apni, bol dena labour kaam dikhana chahta hai."
Main message ko kaafi der tak padhta raha, phir ammi ke kamre mein gaya. Abbu abhi bhi kitaab mein aankhein gadaye hue the. Maine ammi se dheere se kaha, "Ammi, chhat ka kaam theek se ho raha hai?" Unhone meri taraf thodi ghabrahat se dekha aur kaha, "Theek hi hai." Unki baat se main andaza laga sakta tha ki unke dil mein bhi kuch chal raha tha. "Ammi, aap ek baar dekh lo, kaam sahi se ho raha hai ya nahi," maine kaha. Ammi ne jhat se jawab diya, "Tu ghar par hai na, tu dekh le." Main thoda muskura diya aur bola, "Ammi, isme main kya dekhunga? Yeh sab aap hi dekh leti to behtar hota." Maine ammi ko chhat par jaane ke liye phuslana shuru kiya, lekin woh bilkul nahi maani. Phir maine kaha, "Accha, to Noor ko bhej deta hoon. Woh dekh legi to kaam chal jayega." Noor ka naam sunte hi ammi bol uthi, "Accha-accha, main jaati hoon." Unke chehre par darr aur ghabrahat saaf dikh rahi thi, jaise woh jahannum mein jaane wali hon.
Maine ammi ko chhat par bhej diya aur khud sofe par baith gaya. Abbu bistar par letkar sone chale gaye. Ammi ke chhat par jaane ke kareeb 20 minute baad main dheere se chhat ki taraf badha, jahan woh kameena Hira, Panna, aur meri ammi the.