- 4,217
- 23,610
- 159
Over the next one year, Kajal and I tried to have a baby together. Those who know the physiological matters, will tell you that it is increasingly difficult for women in their late forties to have spontaneous pregnancies. After trying a lot, we consulted doctors. They told us that it would be very difficult for Kajal to get pregnant - her chances of it were less than five percent, where five percent was an optimistic estimate. It was major blow - Ma was able to successfully have babies in her late forties, but she was an exception. I read the statistics – by some estimates there had been only 7 births per 10,000 women, who were aged between 45 to 49. That was a very disheartening statistic. That is not even one percent!
We went to consult some of the top fertility doctors in the country. But their opinion was consistent. All of them told me that success with assisted pregnancies, such as IVF at Kajal’s age with Kajal’s own eggs was practically unheard of. I asked the doctors if we could use other woman’s eggs, to which they replied that it was possible. As such all the doctors advised us not to attempt IVF with Kajal’s own eggs. With other woman’s eggs, the possibility was very high, close to seventy five percent. That was a great news! It was a costly treatment but seemed promising.
Kajal and I discussed in detail whether to pursue this line of treatment. Kajal did not like the idea of having someone else’s baby instead of her own. Yes, pregnancy will be her own, but the baby will not be her own. In due course, she started to dislike the idea even more. We continued to have our sexual routine. I told her that even if we do not get pregnant, we could still perform the wedding. I mean, we had Abha and Latika, didn’t we? But Kajal did not like it. She knew that I wanted to have a couple of more children, and she thought that she would be a barrier to fulfilling that desire. Had we not wasted so much time before, we would still have gotten married and have had a couple of cute children. But how can one fight a battle with the fate? Kajal told me that because she could not conceive anymore, she would not marry me. That was final. I must look elsewhere for marriage.
Sunil and I often discussed our sex lives with each other. He wanted to know whether there was any chance of him getting any more siblings. I told him that although Kajal and I discussed about getting married, she dissolved the proposal because she could not conceive anymore. That inability may also have led to a drop in her desire to have sex. Even though I asked her a couple of more times to marry me, beyond one point, I could not press the issue.
On Kajal’s request, Ma prolonged her stay with us for six more months, but finally wanted to go and live with Sunil. Because Kajal had promised her to help her with her move in to the new house, she went to live with them for the next six months. Ma’s older boy was now four years old and had started his pre-schooling. He was now less fussy. The younger boy too was now more than one year old and was turning out to be a strong baby. As such, the stress on Ma was relatively lesser now, so she could focus on setting up the house. Kajal helped her in doing that. Sunil, as a doting father, used to babysit his younger son, when the two women went out to purchase new furnitures etc.
With Kajal gone for some time, whatever little opportunity I had to persuade her to change her mind was also gone. And with each passing day, the chances of us being a couple was very rapidly fading. I still loved her, and she too loved me, but marriage was now out of question. We were very sure of it and accepted it. When Sunil came to know about this new development, he was greatly disappointed. He had hoped, for a very long time that Kajal and I would ultimately become a married couple. I was his father-figure, and loved her mother very much, so it was an obvious expectation for him to have. But it was not to be! Sometimes, things just do not go the way you hope, despite all the things going your way.
When I asked about his marital life, he informed me that contrary to what was happening to Kajal, Ma was still fertile. They went to their doctor for consultation about the possibility of having another baby. Although the doctor expressed her surprise over their desire to have one more baby, she confirmed that Ma was fertile and could naturally have more children. In her own assessment, Ma’s health and fertility was something of a miracle… something that she did not see much in her long medical experience. She also commended Ma, who had already bettered her pre-pregnancy shape and was in great health. She was now slimmer and even stronger. Her brisk walking had evolved into full jogging, and she also joined a gym, which helped her in improving muscles. Kajal too had joined with her and was now improving her own health.
That Sunil and Ma were thinking about having another baby was amusingly surprising for me. Sunil told me that Kajal wanted that they tried to have another baby - hopefully, a girl this time, and expressed this desire to Ma. Ma, being an obedient daughter-in-law, wanted to respect and fulfill her mother-in-law’s desire. They wanted to wait till their younger son was at least two years old before possibly having another baby. I think that under the pretext of fulfilling her mother-in-law’s desire, Ma too wanted to see whether she could have another child, and thus fulfilling her old desire to have a big family. Having said that, both Sunil and Ma were very happy together, and if they wanted to make more children, it was okay! They all are very happy. Love does that to you! And I was very happy for them!
****
We went to consult some of the top fertility doctors in the country. But their opinion was consistent. All of them told me that success with assisted pregnancies, such as IVF at Kajal’s age with Kajal’s own eggs was practically unheard of. I asked the doctors if we could use other woman’s eggs, to which they replied that it was possible. As such all the doctors advised us not to attempt IVF with Kajal’s own eggs. With other woman’s eggs, the possibility was very high, close to seventy five percent. That was a great news! It was a costly treatment but seemed promising.
Kajal and I discussed in detail whether to pursue this line of treatment. Kajal did not like the idea of having someone else’s baby instead of her own. Yes, pregnancy will be her own, but the baby will not be her own. In due course, she started to dislike the idea even more. We continued to have our sexual routine. I told her that even if we do not get pregnant, we could still perform the wedding. I mean, we had Abha and Latika, didn’t we? But Kajal did not like it. She knew that I wanted to have a couple of more children, and she thought that she would be a barrier to fulfilling that desire. Had we not wasted so much time before, we would still have gotten married and have had a couple of cute children. But how can one fight a battle with the fate? Kajal told me that because she could not conceive anymore, she would not marry me. That was final. I must look elsewhere for marriage.
Sunil and I often discussed our sex lives with each other. He wanted to know whether there was any chance of him getting any more siblings. I told him that although Kajal and I discussed about getting married, she dissolved the proposal because she could not conceive anymore. That inability may also have led to a drop in her desire to have sex. Even though I asked her a couple of more times to marry me, beyond one point, I could not press the issue.
On Kajal’s request, Ma prolonged her stay with us for six more months, but finally wanted to go and live with Sunil. Because Kajal had promised her to help her with her move in to the new house, she went to live with them for the next six months. Ma’s older boy was now four years old and had started his pre-schooling. He was now less fussy. The younger boy too was now more than one year old and was turning out to be a strong baby. As such, the stress on Ma was relatively lesser now, so she could focus on setting up the house. Kajal helped her in doing that. Sunil, as a doting father, used to babysit his younger son, when the two women went out to purchase new furnitures etc.
With Kajal gone for some time, whatever little opportunity I had to persuade her to change her mind was also gone. And with each passing day, the chances of us being a couple was very rapidly fading. I still loved her, and she too loved me, but marriage was now out of question. We were very sure of it and accepted it. When Sunil came to know about this new development, he was greatly disappointed. He had hoped, for a very long time that Kajal and I would ultimately become a married couple. I was his father-figure, and loved her mother very much, so it was an obvious expectation for him to have. But it was not to be! Sometimes, things just do not go the way you hope, despite all the things going your way.
When I asked about his marital life, he informed me that contrary to what was happening to Kajal, Ma was still fertile. They went to their doctor for consultation about the possibility of having another baby. Although the doctor expressed her surprise over their desire to have one more baby, she confirmed that Ma was fertile and could naturally have more children. In her own assessment, Ma’s health and fertility was something of a miracle… something that she did not see much in her long medical experience. She also commended Ma, who had already bettered her pre-pregnancy shape and was in great health. She was now slimmer and even stronger. Her brisk walking had evolved into full jogging, and she also joined a gym, which helped her in improving muscles. Kajal too had joined with her and was now improving her own health.
That Sunil and Ma were thinking about having another baby was amusingly surprising for me. Sunil told me that Kajal wanted that they tried to have another baby - hopefully, a girl this time, and expressed this desire to Ma. Ma, being an obedient daughter-in-law, wanted to respect and fulfill her mother-in-law’s desire. They wanted to wait till their younger son was at least two years old before possibly having another baby. I think that under the pretext of fulfilling her mother-in-law’s desire, Ma too wanted to see whether she could have another child, and thus fulfilling her old desire to have a big family. Having said that, both Sunil and Ma were very happy together, and if they wanted to make more children, it was okay! They all are very happy. Love does that to you! And I was very happy for them!
****