NONVEG JOKES

[IMUNISH]

लड़की- झूठ बोलने की कोशिश मत करना वरना मैं पकड़ लुंगी।.लड़का- wao .... तब तो मैं रोज झूठ बोलूंगा और तुम रोज पकड़ोगी।लड़की- मादरचोद.... मैंने कहा मैं तेरा झूठ पकड़ लुंगी।। कमीना....

 

[IMUNISH]

Santa Ka Beta Pappu Ek Din Us Se Puchhta Hai
Pappu: “Papa Kya Aapko Jadu Aata Hai?”
Santa: “Nahi Beta, Tujhe Kisne Kaha?”
Pappu: “Agar Nahi Aata To Aap Raat Ko Mummi Se
Kyon Keh Rahe Thhe Ki Chal Ab Ghodi Ban Ja.“

 

[IMUNISH]

Santa Ek Din Bada Confuse Sa Thha Aur Usne Banta Se Pucha
Santa: “Yaar Teri Biwi Chalu Hai, Mujhe Hamesha Dekh Ke Muskurati Rahti Hai?”
Banta: “Oye Nahi Yaar Esa Kuch Nahi Hai, Usne Mujhse Suhagraat Pe Puchha Tha,
Kya Mene Kabhi Kisi Ki Gaand Mari Hai, To Maine Tera Naam Le Diya Tha“

 

[IMUNISH]

Santa Banta Ne Ek Baar Bank Lutne Ka Program Banaya
Par Himmat Nahi Ikathi Ho Pa Rahi Thhi Bank Lootne Ki
Santa Bola: “Bante Raat Ko Daru Pee Lenge Himmat Bad Jayegi”
Raat Ko Sharab Pee Kar Dono Ghar Se Bahar Nikle
Raste Mein Ek Bank Dekhakr Uske Tale Tode Aur Ander Guss Gaye
Ander Jake Dekha Bahut Sari Lassi Ki Bottles Padi Thhi
Santa Bola: “Yaar Ye Kya Paisi Ki Jagha Lassi Padi Hai”
Banta: “Ab Aa To Gaye Hai Lassi Pee Lete Hai”
Lassi Pee Ke Ghar Vapis Aa Gaye
Dusre Din Subha Uth Ke T.V. Chalu Kuya To News Aa Rahi Thhi
Kal Rat Ko Virya (Semen) Bank Mein Loot

 

[IMUNISH]

Santa Ke Pass 15 Inch Ka Bada Chota Aur Pyara Sa Goda (Horse) Thha.
Uske Khas Dost Banta Ne Usko Dekha Aur Puchha: “Yaar Itna Pyara Goda Kaha Se Liya?”
Santa: “Yaar Vo Udhar Jheel Ke Paas Ek Bade Pahunche Hue Baba Aaye Hai Aur Tapasya Kar Rahe Hai, Jo Maango De Dete Hai”
Banta: “Wah Yaar Ye To Bada Achha Hai, Main Bhi Jaake Kuch Mang Leta Hun”
Santa: “Par Yaar Ek Baat Ka Dhayan Rakhna, Unko Zara Ooncha Sunta Hai, Aur Vo Sirf Ek Hi Murad Puri Karte Hai”
Banta Ja Pahuncha Baba Ke Pas Aur Bola: “Baba Ji Mujhe Heerey Se Bhari Ek Bori De Do”
Baba Ne Apne Muh Mein Kuch Mantar Pade Aur Bori Aa Gayi, Aur Baba Fir Apni Tapasya Mein Leen Ho Gaye.
Banta Ne Khushi Khushi Bori Uthayi Aur Ghar Vapis Aa Gaya, Aake Jaisi Hi Usne Bori Kholi To Usmein Kheerey Thhe.
Vo Rota Hua Santa Ke Pass Gaya Aur Bola: “Yaar Badi Bakchodi Ho Gayi Mene Mange To Heere Thhe Par Ander Se Kheere Nikle”
Santa Rote Hue: “Bhonsdi Ke Tujhe Bola To Tha Ki Baba Ooncha Sunte Hai, Aur Tujhe Kya Lagta Hai Ki Maine 15 Inch Ka Goda Manga Hoga“

 

[IMUNISH]

Santa Ko Apne Achhe Kam Ki Vajah Se Company Mein Pramotion Mili Aur Vo Manager Ban Gaya.
Usne Apni Patni Ko Ye Good News Is Tarike Se Sunayi
Santa: “Darling, Sunti Ho Aaj Raat Ko Tum Company Ke Manager Ke Saath Soyegi”
Biwi Khushi Ke Mare Uchhal Padi Aur Boli
Biwi: “Sachiiiii, Ye To Batao, Sharma Sir Ke Saath Ya Patel Sir Ke Saath“

 

[IMUNISH]

Shadi Ke Kuch Din Baad Ek Din Patni Bazaar Jaane Ke Liye Tyar Ho Rahi Thi.
Bra Pahan Ke Pati Se Boli.
Patni: “Suniye, Ye Zara Piche Se Meri Bra Ka Hook Laga Dijiye”
Pati Mood Mein Aate Hue Bola: “I Will Charge 4 Kisses”
Patni: “Rahne Do Ji, Main Pados Wale Sharma Ji Se Lagva Leti Hun, Wo Haath Dal Kar Set Bhi Kar Denge“

 

[IMUNISH]

Tv Pe Ek Cooking Show Chal Raha Tha. Usmein Ek Lady Cook Host Thhi
Lady Cook: “Bahno Aaj Main Aapko Salad Banana Sikhaungi”
Sabse Pahle Ek Moti Mooli Le
Agar Maja Aa Raha Hai To Leti Rahe
Salad Banana Hum Fir Kabhi Sikh Lenge

 

[IMUNISH]

Train Ke Ek Dibbe Mein Do Pathan Aur Ek Panjabi Safar Kar Rahe The.
Panjabi Ne Socha Itna Lumba Safar Hai Main To Bor Ho Jaunga To Kisi Se Baat Vaat Kar Ke Time Pass Karna Chahiye
Panjabi Ne Ek Pathan Se Kaha: “Khan Sahab Aapko Koi Sher Aata Hai?.. To Pathan Ne Kaha Kyo Nahi Lo Sher Suno”
“Pani Mein Kashti Aur Wo Bhi Lakru Ka” (Lakru = Lakri = Wood)
Panjabi Ko Yeh Sun Kar Bada Gussa Aaya Khair Punjabi Ne Dusre Pathan Ko Kaha: “Khan Sahab Aap Bhi Kuch Irshad Kariye”
To Doosra Pathan Bola
“Kashti Mein Chappu Aur Wo Bhi Lakru Ka”
Yeh Sun Kar Panjabi Gusse Se Lal Ho Kar Aaram Se Beth Gaya
Thodi Der Bad Ek Pathan Ne Panjabi Ko Kaha: “Tum Koi Sher Sunao”
To Panjabi Ne Gussay Me Kaha
“Tuhadi Dowan Di Maa Nu Lunn Aur Woh Bhi Lakru Ka“

 

[IMUNISH]

Pathan Ki Biwi Suhagrat Ke Baad Us Se Ladte Hue Boli.
Biwi: “Mere Ko Abhi Talak Chahiye”
Pathan Ke Tote Ud Gaye, Hairani Se Puchha
Pathan: “Par Begum Kyu?”
Biwi: “Abe Jitna Tera Smaan Hai, Us Se Badi To Shabir Bhai Ki Zuban Hai“

 

[IMUNISH]

Ek Aadmi Office Ke Baad Apni Patni Ko Bina Bataye Ek Party Mein Chala Gaya.
Patni Poore Gusse Se Apne Baccho Ko Kehti Hai: “Agar Tumhare Daddy Aaye To Tumne Darwaja Nahi Kholna.”
Raat Ko 12 Baje Ke Baad Aadmi Aaya Aur Door Bell Bajayi.
Patni Ki Andar Se Awaaz Aayi: “Jaao Wahin Jahan Se Aaye Ho.”
Aadmi Ne Bahar Se Awaaz Lagayi: “Main Ghar Par Sone Ke Liye Nahi Aaya, Wo Party Mein Bohat Saari Ladkiyan Hain Isliye Bas Mujhe Mere Condoms De Do, Drawer Mein Pade Hain.
Patni Ne Darwaja Khola Aur Pati Ko Andar Kheench Liya.
Patni: “Tum Kahin Nahi Jaa Rahe, Yahin Rahoge Aur Main Tumhe Abhi Sota Hua Dekhna Chahti Hun.”