SAAND
UPDATE—293
Ragini didi ki saas mujhse yaha vaha ki baate karne lagi lekin mera dhyan to uske jism ka nirikshan karne me laga hua tha.. rang bhi gora hi tha..haan, thodi moti jaroor thi didi ki saas.
Raj (mann me)—jab iski gaand itni jabardast hai to iski bur kitni phooli huyi nahi hogi ? vaise jhaante hogi ki nahi iski bur me ? vaise itni umra me isko bur ko chikna karne ki kya jarurat ? jaroor jhaant wali bur honi chahiye iski.
Thodi hi der me ragini didi mere liye pani ke sath sath nasta lekar aa gayi to sirf pani bhar le liya kyonki nasta karne ka mood nahi tha.
Ragini—ye tere sir me ye chot kaise lagi ?
Raj—arrey kuch nahi hua didi, aapka bhai ek policewala hai to aisi chote to lagti hi rahti hain, tension ki koi baat nahi hai.
Ragini—itni badi patti lagi hai sir me aur kahta hai ki tension ki baat nahi hai.
Raj—vo sab chhodo didi aur (dhire se) abhi to jaldi se mera kuch jugad karo.
Ragini—kya matlab ?
Raj—kuch nahi (mann me)..iski ye saas to mujhe khud apni bur degi nahi aur iske yaha rahte mujhe ragini didi ki bur bhi milne se rahi..ab kaise isko yaha se rawana karu ?
Main abhi didi ki saas ko vaha se hatane ka koi upay soch hi raha tha ki tabhi ek aur ladki vaha aa tapki..uski jawani dekh kar mera lund ekdam se akad gaya..lund akadne ki baat hi thi, Sali ke doodh bahut bade bade the aur gaand bhi kuch kam nahi thi, ekdam jaanleva thi.
Raj (mann me)—ye dusri burchodi koun hai ? Sali ke kya doodh hain, lagta hai ki abhi pakad ke yahi masal du..kaash ki yahi apni bur de de..magar ye hai koun ? ye budhiya to pakka didi ki saas hogi.
‘’mummy, main jara bazar ja rahi hu..mujhe kuch paise chahiye.’’ Aate hi uss nayi burwali ne didi ki saas se kaha.
Raj (mann me)—ohh, to ye bhosdi, didi ki nanad hai...jo bhi ho par hai ekdam chodne layak maal.
Kunti—theek hai, chal deti hu.
‘’mummy, ye koun hai ?” nayi burwali ( jiska ki naam renu hai) ne mujhe dekh kar apni mummy ke kaan me dhire se phusphusate huye puchha.
Kunti—renu beti, ye teri ragini bhabhi ke mamere bhai raj hain.
Ragini—mamera aur chachera kya, hum sab bahno ka ek hi to bhai hai raj.
Renu—ohh, to bhabhi inki hi tarif karte nahi thakti aur hamesha hame inka naam lekar dhamkati rahti hai ? ab ja kar mujhe pata chala ki hamari ragini bhabhi baanjh kyon hai..inka to poora khandan hi baanjho se bhara pada hai tabhi to kewal ek hi ladka paida hua poore khandan me.
Ragini (tezi se)—didi, juban sambhal ke baat kijiye..mere khandan ke baare me kuch ulta sidha bola to theek nahi hoga.
Renu—dekha mummy, iss baanjh ki juban kitna kainchi ki tarah chalne lagi hai aaj kal ..isko kya laga ki iska bhai aa gaya to main dar jaungi ? ruk tujhe tere bhai ke samne maza chakhati hu..
Renu ne ragini didi ko thappad maarne ke liye jaise hi hath uthaya to ye dekh kar maine beech me hi renu ka hath pakad liya, jisse vo apna hath chhudane ki koshish karne lagi.
Raj—aisi galti dubara kabhi mat karna, aaya samajh me ?
Renu (hath chhudane ki koshish karte)—aahh, warna kya kar loge ? chhodo mera hath.
Kunti—ye kya badatmizi hai raj ?
Raj—mummy ji, badatmizi maine nahi balki apki beti ne ki hai..apni beti ko samjha lijiye warna
‘’Apki Iss Burchodi Beti Ki Bur Ko Phad Kar Bhosda Banane Me Mujhe Tanik Bhi Der Nahi Lagegi.’’
Renu—dekha mummy, bahan to bahan, bhai bhi kitna kamina hai..kise dhamki de rahe ho…agar tum police wale ho to main bhi ek vakil hu.. main tumse nahi darne wali…tumhari iss badatmizi ke liye tumhari vardi utarwa kar salakho ke piche nahi phenkwa diya to renu mera naam nahi..
Raj—
vo tumhare bas ki baat nahi hai kyonki jo paida hi nanga hua ho, use bhala koun nanga kar sakta hai..aur jaha tak meri vardi utarwane aur mujhe jail bhijwane ki baat hai to vo to hoga nahi…Lekin agar ye saand ek baar tere upar chadh gaya na to teri bur jarur bachcha bahar phenk degi…yakin nahi ho to koshish kar ke dekh lo…
Ragini—raj, jane do, chhodo..
Raj—aise kaise jane du iss burchodi ko, isne aap par hath uthane ki galti kaise ki vo bhi mere samne ?
Renu—haan, to le jao na apni baanjh bahan ko apne ghar aur vahi rakho..ek to iske maa baap ne apni baanjh beti ko mere bhai ke gale baandh diya aur ab iska bhai hame hi ulta aankh dikhata hai…aaahh..chhodo mera hath..
Kunti (gusse me)—nikal jao mere ghar se aur sath me apni is baanjh bahan ko bhi le jao isse pahle ki iss gustakhi ke liye tumhari vardi utar jaye..chale jao yaha se..
Raj—ab to main yaha se kahi nahi ja raha philhal aaj to nahi jaunga..jise jo karna ho kar le..
Kunti (gusse me)—chal beti…abhi commissioner sahab ke paas chal kar iski complain karte hain..
Uske baad dono maa beti tunakte aur apni apni gaand ke bade bade chutad hilate huye paise lekar bahar chali gayi..unke jate hi ragini didi mujhse lipat kar rone lagi.
Ragini (sisakte huye)—dekh liya na raj ! ye sab mujhe kaise pratadit karte hain aur ye sab isliye hai kyonki main shadi ke itne saal bhi maa nahi ban saki hu..isiliye to maine tujhse kaha tha…mujhe yaha se le chalo raj, ab mujhe yaha nahi rahna.
Raj—rona band karo didi..main aa gaya hu na sab theek ho jayega..chinta mat karo.
Ragini—vo dono tumhari report karne gayi hain..
Raj—jane do…unki report se kuch nahi hone wala..meri vardi utarna commissioner ke bas ki baat nahi hai ulta main uski gaand maar lunga.
Ragini—lekin..phir bhi..
Raj—lekin vekin chhodo…dekho tumhara bhai pahli baar aaj tumhari sasural aaya hai, uska kuch swagat karo..
Ragini—ruko main tumhare liye coffee banati hu..
Raj—mujhe coffee nahi chahiye..
Ragini—to phir..kaise swagat karu..aate hi tumhe mere karan gaaliyan sunni pad gayi…ab swagat ke liye bacha hi kya hai ?
Raj—bahut kuch bacha hai jo mujhe chahiye..
Ragini (sisakte huye)—to tumhi batao ki ab kaise swagat karu apne chhote bhai ka ?
Raj (kaan me)—apne chhote bhai ko saree ke andar dono jaanghon ke beech chhupi apni bur de kar..
Ragini (sharma kar)—dhatt..
Meri baat sun kar ragini didi ekdam se sharma gayi aur mere seene me apna sir chhupa liya..maine unke chehre ko pakad kar samne kiya aur unke hotho ko chum liya..ye pahli baar tha jab maine ragini didi ko kiss kiya tha hotho par.
Raj—isme dhatt ki kya baat hai didi ? aap bhi to mujhe apni bur dene ke liye tadap rahi thi..lekin ab agar aapka mann badal gaya ho to alag baat hai..
Ragini—lekin raj…
Raj—sidhe sidhe ye batao ki aap mujhe apni bur dogi ya nahi ?
Ragini (sharma kar)—tu kitna ganda ganda bolta hai raj..
Raj—ganda admi hu to ganda hi bolunga na...vaise gandi baat karne ka bhi apna ek alag hi maza hai didi..
Ragini—to tu kya chahta hai ki main bhi teri tarah besharm ban jaau ?
Raj—agar apne iss chhote bhai ke bachche ki maa banna hai to uske liye besharm to banna hi padega aapko didi..aur agar aapka irada badal gaya ho to phir jane do..koi baat nahi, main force nahi karunga aapko..
Ragini—nahi..nahi..mujhe har haal me maa banna hai...mujhse ab ye roj roj baanjh hone ka taana nahi saha jata..
Raj—to phir chalo bedroom me..
Ragini—lekin abhi koi aa gaya to ?
Raj—kyon koi hai kya abhi ghar me ?
Ragini—nahi, abhi to hum dono ke alawa aur koi nahi hai..sasur ji ek jagah shadi me gaye hain, tumhare jija office me hain aur chhoti nanad ritima apne college gayi hai jabki saas aur badi nanad renu abhi tumhare samne hi bahar gayi hain.
Raj—to phir daro mat didi...darr ke aage hi jeet hai...jo darr gaya, vo mar gaya..vaise bhi koi agar aa bhi gaya to kya kar lega.. akhir hum dono bhai bahan hain isliye koi hum par galat shak to kar nahi sakta..
Ragini—phir bhi..
Raj—uff..aapko maa banna hai ya nahi ?
Ragini—banna hai..
Raj—to phir sochna chhodo aur chalo bistar me..
Thodi na nukur ke baad main ragini didi ke sath unke bedroom me aa gaya aur pahuchte hi door lock kar ke unhe baaho me bhar ke chumne laga…lekin ragini abhi bhi sharma rahi thi.
Ragini—raj thoda ruko na..main bathroom se aati hu..
Raj—theek hai jaldi aana.
Ragini didi ke bathroom jane ke baad mujhe chhamiya ke yaha mile kagaz par dusri taraf ke sketch ki yaad aayi jisme ki ragini didi ke ghar ka naksha bana hua tha to main poore room me apni nazar daudane laga ki shayad kahi kuch nazar aa jaye. Magar kahi kuch aisa dikhayi nahi pada.
Raj (mann me)—akhir uss kagaz me ragini didi ke ghar ka sketch kyon bana tha ? iss ghar ka wasiyat se kya sambandh ho sakta hai ? aur vo madarchod chuchuk chuchuk paheli bhi iss ghar se judi huyi lagti hai..ek baar ragini didi se puch kar dekhta hu..shayad didi ko kuch pata ho..magar sabse pahle mujhe bur chahiye tabhi mera dimag kuch kaam karega.
Main abhi soch vichar kar hi raha tha ki tab tak didi aakar mere paas nazre jhukaye khadi ho gayi..unke aane ka mujhe pata hi nahi chala.
Ragini—kya soch rahe ho raj ?
Raj—oonh..kuch nahi…bas ek paheli yaad aa gayi thi..badi hi ajeeb paheli hai didi..
Ragini—kaisi paheli, mujhe bhi batao ?
Raj—
‘’Paanch Aam, Panch Chuchumukh Chuchumukh..Paancho Muchuk Chuchuk Panch Chuchumukh’’ yahi paheli hai.. jiska arth samajh me nahi aa raha mujhe..
Ragini (haste huye)—hihihihi...ye..kaisi paheli hai.. ? hahahaha
Raj—hai na ajeeb paheli ? aap ke anusar iska kya matlab hona chahiye ?
Ragini (haste huye)—hahaha..na baba na...aisi utpatang paheli ka hal mujhse nahi socha jayega.. hahahaha..chuchuk chuchuk...muchuk chuchuk...hahahaha..tum bhi na raj...hahahaha...badi rahasyamayi paheli hai tumhari raj...hahaha
Raj—haan ajeeb to hai hi ye paheli...khair chhodo jane do..
Ragini—raj, mujhe batao ki tumhe ye paheli kaha se mili…hahahha..?
Raj—bas kisi ne mujhse puchi thi ye, lekin main nahi bata paya…kyon isme hasne ki kya baat hai didi..?
Ragini (haste huye)—hasu nahi to aur kya karu ? hahahaha…vaise ye paheli meri pahle bhi suni huyi hai.
Raj (chounk kar)—kyaa ? to phir batao na mujhe iska jawab kya hai ?
Ragini—main nahi janti…hahahaha
Raj (gussa dikhate huye)—theek hai jane do phir…yaha meri izzat ka sawal hai aur aapko hasi aa rahi hai..koi baat nahi.
Ragini—sach me yaar main nahi janti iska jawab..
Raj—abhi abhi to aapne kaha ki aap janti ho..
Ragini—maine ye kab kaha ki main janti hu ? maine to kewal ye kaha ki ye paheli main pahle bhi sun chuki hu..
Raj—kaha suni aapne ye paheli aur kisne batayi ? yahi bata do, main usse pata kar lunga..
Ragini—nahi pata kar sakte usse
Raj—kyon ? ye kaho na ki aap batana hi nahi chahti mujhe..
Ragini—naraz kyon hote ho ? achcha baba batati hu...meri saas bata rahi thi ek baar ki unke sasur ne ek bana banaya purana ghar kharida tha jiski upari deewar par yahi paheli likhi huyi thi.
Raj (hairan)—kaha hai vo ghar didi ? mujhe batao..
Ragini—kahi nahi hai..
Raj—kya matlab ?
Ragini—matlab ye ki ghar kharidne ke baad jab mere sasur ke pita ji usme rahne ko gaye to vaha ajeeb ajeeb tarah ki ghatnaye hone lagi to unhone usko chhod kar ye naya ghar kharida tha jisme ab hum sab rahte hain.
Raj—to vah purana ghar kaha hai ? aur kaisi ghatnaye hoti thi ?
Ragini—vaha se log achanak hi gayab ho jate the…jaise uss ghar me rahne ke dusre din hi mere sasur ki maa ki laash mili, uske agle din unki ek beti bhi mar gayi...tab logo ne kaha ki ye jagah bhutiya hai to unhone uss ghar ko chhod diya..
Raj—kyaa ? aur vo ghar hai kaha par..
Ragini—vo toot phoot kar gir gaya tha..baad me vo jagah unhone kisi ko bech di thi saste daam par..
Raj—kya aap ye bata sakti hain ki vo ghar kis jagah par bana hua tha ?
Ragini—main nahi janti…
Raj—uss jagah ki koi nishani ya koi naksha vagairah..?
Ragini—nahi..lekin mummy ji ko pata hoga iss baare me..bas ek diary jaroor hai jo mummy ji ke mutabik mere sasur ke pita ji ko vaha mili thi..
Raj (hairan)—kaha hai vo diary ?
Ragini—mere paas hi hai..lekin vo to bilkul hi kori hai..usme kuch bhi likha nahi hai...maine kayi baar usme kuch likhne ki koshish bhi ki thi magar agle din sab likha gayab ho jata tha usme se...isliye maine usme likhna bhi chhod diya hai ab..
Raj (shocked)—dikhao mujhe vo diary didi..
Ragini—magar tum ye sab kyon puch rahe ho ?
Raj—pahle mujhe diary to dikhao, phir batata hu..
Ragini—theek hai deti hu..lekin hai vo kisi kaam ki nahi..
Ragini didi ne bistar se uth kar apni almari se ek diary nikal kar mujhe pakda di..maine jaldi se use lekar dekhne laga kintu uske kisi bhi page par kuch likha nahi mila.
Raj (shocked, mann me)—jaroor iss diary me kuch na kuch locha hai, magar ye khali kyon hai ? kahi aisa to nahi ki isme invisible ink se likha gaya ho kuch..haan, aisa hi kuch hoga tabhi to ragini didi ka likha hua gayab ho jata tha..lekin tab bhi ragini didi to normal pen use karti thi, aise me likha hua gayab to nahi hona chahiye tha..kya lafda hai ye..
Ragini—dekha maine kaha na ki ye kori hai..koi kaam ki nahi..
Raj (kuch soch kar)—achcha didi, ek cup coffee milegi kya ? tab tak main thoda bathroom se free ho jata hu phir aapke sath suhagraat manane ka program start kiya jaye..
Ragini—theek hai..main abhi lati hu bana kar..
Ragini didi ke kitchen me jate hi main diary lekar fauran bathroom me ghus gaya aur door lock karke diary ke pages ko bulb ke paas rakh kar unko heat dene laga…kuch hi der me meri ankhe hairat se choudi ho gayi kyonki heat milte hi pages me akshar dhire dhire ubharne lage the.Jaise hi maine pahla page padhna start kiya to padhte hi apna sir pakad liya kyon ki usme do paheli likhi huyi thi.
Raj (dimag kharab)—madarchod..phir se paheli..in paheliyo ne to mood kharab kar diya hai..inki maa ko chodu..
“Seth Sethaain Baarah Jodi, Seth Ka Kurta Lamba…Upar Se Sethaain Moote, Seth Kahe Har Ganga”
‘’सेठ सेठाइन बारह जोड़ी, सेठ का कुर्ता लम्बा ----ऊपर से सेठाइन मूतै, सेठ कहे हर गंगा’’
“Agal Bagal Chaara (graas), Beech Mein Indaara (bada kuwa)”
“अगल बगल चारा(घास) , बीच में इंदारा (बड़ा कुआं)”
Main abhi dono paheli ko padh kar likhne wale ko gaaliya dene me laga hua tha ki tabhi ragini didi ki awaz aayi to maine jaldi se diary ko band kar diya.
Raj (mann me)—madarchod dimag kharab ho gaya hai….ab sabse pahle ragini didi ki bur phadunga..iss pardada ki maa ka bhosda…sala khud to mar gaya aur ye paheliya meri gaand maarne ke liye chhod gaya bhosdi ka..
Vahi dusri taraf meenu didi ko pet me dard hone par mere phone karne ke baad mona ne hospital se ambulance bhej di thi.. rashmi didi ke sath maa aur roopa chachi bhi meenu didi ke sath hospital chali gayi thi.
Hospital pahuchte hi mona ne sabko bahar baitha kar meenu didi ka check-up shuru kar diya kyonki vo meenu ki problem ko achchi tarah se janti thi aur ye bhi ki use aage kya karna hai.
