Chapter 8: Sapling crushed
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ChotoMa came on that day to take me back. My Mom was almost in tears as she bid good bye.
As usual, Babu sent a car to pick me up. While returning, ChotoMa asked me as how I spend my holidays. I asked her as what she did when I was not at home.
She looked at me, rubbed her palm on my head, and said---“We both missed you a lot.”
I looked at her face smiling face, hugged her, and nudged my face on the curve of her shoulder. She asked me---“What happened?”
---“I missed you a lot.”
---“Ok, your first year exams are coming near. Now onwards, only study and nothing else.”
College started. Days passed. There was no communication received from him in any sense. With every passing day, I grew more restless. To overcome that turbulence inside my heart, I dipped myself in my studies.
The day was midweek of July. First year exam results were declared. I came out with good colours in my mark sheet. Both ChotoMa and Babu were happy by my progress.
It was raining from the morning. On that day one year ago, all our dreams shattered. From the very morning, I observed that Babu and ChotoMa were acting very indifferent towards me. I sensed that they were missing their son very much. I understood that I was not their daughter “Why should someone lose their own son due to some other’s daughter’s fault?” That day they were very much agitated and after I returned from college Babu asked for my mobile. I could not understand at first.
Babu asked me---“Paree, can I use your mobile? I have to make a call.”
I was sure that he wanted to check my call-logs so as to find that whether I have received any call from him or not.
I gave him my mobile and went inside my room to change my dress. The showers were still pouring from the heaven. Thunders were rattling the air and the walls of the house. After sometime, ChotoMa also returned from her school. I was in the kitchen preparing the dinner.
ChotoMa came to the kitchen after changing her dresses. Her face was sullen.
She gave a fake smile at me---“How are you today?”
I shook my head “I am fine.”
She started to chop the onions along with me. I observed with the corner of my eyes that she was wiping her eyes frequently. “Was that due to the onions or she was missing her son?” I was also missing him very much that day.
She said in a low voice---“Few things in life, we fail to understand why that happens.”
I looked at her, tried to understand as what she wanted to say.
I was not a child, unknown to the facts of this harsh reality of the world around me. Both ChotoMa and Babu were very quiet during the dinner. They only asked about my studies and nothing else. Their perturbed face was killing me. That night I wrote the most painful thoughts in my “Optics Notebook”.
---“I was a girl, who posses just the opposite nature of Midas touch. Whatever touches my life turns into stone instead of gold. I was born, my father passed away. I wanted to pursue my studies which brought Abhimanyu near me. He went away, squandered off in this world away from his own parents. ChotoMa and Babu lost their own blood and flesh. What should I do? Where should I go? Only those eight months, he was by my side. I felt as if conquering the whole world. I felt the world at my feet. Now he is gone. Suchismita left her native place as a Paree. Time transmigrated her to Mita. What more dark nature, the life has to unfurl before me?”
From that day, my reactions for my foster parents started to change. Gradually the way of their conversation and behavior changed.
Days turned to months but there was no sign of his communication. Gradually his memoirs were fading away from my mind. The “Optics Notebook” came out of the shelf seldom. I dived deep into the abyss of my life. I wanted to relieve my pains only through my studies. All that I wanted to do was to study hard and lead a life of own. I did not want to tie anyone’s life with my desolate fate. I cursed myself for my life.
On my birthday, I woke up as usual. Mom called in the morning to wish me good luck. I felt crying when I heard Mom’s voice over the telephone. I felt that time that how much alone I was in this world.
Mom asked me---“Are you ok?”
---“Yes I am. I miss you very much.”
ChotoMa was near me so I told her---“I will call you later Ma. I have to go to College.”
I bathed and entered my room to change my dress. I found a beautiful gift pack on my bed. I opened that pack. I found a beautiful sky blue salwar suit. ChotoMa came to my room and I bent to touch her feet.
She placed her palm on my head and asked---“Love that dress?”
I shook my head “Yes, it is beautiful.”
---“Are you going to take out your friends for any treat?”
---“I don’t know.”
---“Then return from your college on time. Your Babu will take you to the shop to buy you the deck he promised.”
I looked at ChotoMa and said---“What’s the need of that? I don’t want that.”
She rubbed her palm on my head and said---“You are upset.”
A huge wave rose from the abyss of my chest and was about to crush on the shore of my face. I looked the other way to control that wave and nodded my head.
---“I am fine. I am missing my Mom.”
She understood everything and let a deep exhale to come out of her chest.
---“Be a good girl. Don’t be upset. Today is your birthday. Enjoy yourself.”
She handed me two five hundred rupees note and said---“Enjoy with your friends, but don’t be late for house.”
In my college, I had a mixed feeling running inside myself. For the first time in my college days, I saw Teesta in a beautiful red and yellow coloured salwar. I smiled at her. She smiled back at me and waved her fingers.
She came and sat beside me. After a long time I felt her touching my shoulder.
---“You are looking beautiful. Happy birthday.”
I smiled back at her---“How do you know?”
---“You told once.”
I contracted my brows and asked her---“What made you to wear salwar today?”
Her voice was low---“I feel I should change myself.”
Debobroto entered the class room and directly came to me and wished me.
He screamed almost---“Ufff! Are you going to kill everybody?” All laughed out in the class.
My face turned red in coy. Delisha and Pushpanjali also wished me and asked where I was going to take them out?
Debobroto came near Teesta and whispered in her ears. I heard that because I was sitting next to Teesta.
---“What happened to you? Today you are also looking very different?”
She looked at him and said---“I just lost myself somewhere in last few years.”
From the voice I fathomed that the old Teesta whom everybody knew, was not present. May be she died or she was hidden somewhere.
Debobroto ruffled her braids and went away.
After the college all friends surrounded me to treat them.
Rajat and Pushpanjali were adamant to take them to “Peter Cat”.
I smiled back at them and said---“I don’t have enough…..”
Teesta came to my rescue---“Why do you worry? Till I am here.”
Debobroto said---“No outsiders. No Danish no Tirthankar. This time only friends.”
Teesta smiled painfully at him and said “Tirthankar is past.” She looked at Delisha and then said “Danish is always welcome.”
Debobroto joked at her---“Really. I was waiting for this moment for a long time to court you, sexy.”
The old frolic Teesta was again out of her den. She started beating him.
The rain started as we came out of the college waiting for the taxis. We were seven friends and all wanted to go together.
Debobroto said---“Hey we can’t go in one taxi at least. Else girls have to sit on the laps.”
I shook my head in dismay.
My umbrella stuck and was not opening. Debobroto came near me and held his umbrella over my head. I looked at him with grateful eyes and thanked him.
The drizzle has already soaked sides and back of my dress. I tried to hide my bust by the dupatta.
Just then, I felt Debobroto has left arm on my left shoulder. I felt his touch like a shock, send goose bumps on my arms. The touch did not have any lewdness or lecher. It was a friendly loving touch. I looked around, Teesta and Delisha was smiling at me.
My creamy bare upper arm touched his left chest. Cold, humid breeze were blowing around us. I tried to feel the warmth of his palm on my shoulder. I looked down on the footpath.
Sankho called two taxis.
He looked at me and ushered me into the taxi.
In one taxi, I, Delisha, Teesta, and Debobroto boarded. He sat on the front seat.
Both of us were very quiet. The touch of his palm, send a string of thoughts racing in my brain. I looked outside the window. The raindrops splashed continuously on the glass panes.
Teesta asked me---“Why are you so quiet today? You should be happy. It is your birthday.”
“Nothing, I miss my Mom, everyday” I hid my pains.
“Was he coming back? Was there any type of communication he was going to have with me?” I could see the old wooden mast on the horizon of the ocean. Gradually the old mast was going down the line, the separator between the blue sky and Prussian sea.
Debobroto was quiet for a long time. I felt that he was also not in his old composure.
I tried to bring myself out of my confinement and slapped the back of his head---“Hey why are you so quiet?”
He smiled back at me---“Nothing.” He joked at both of us. “Today every girl is in salwar and I am having three most beautiful girls with me. Huh… everyone would be jealous of me I am sure.”
“Come on at least leave Delisha.” Teesta scolded him.
In the restaurant Debobroto sat between me and Teesta. I observe that Teesta was showing lot of concern about Debobroto. The way she was talking to him was not the way she used to talk to him.
I asked---“What to order?”
Teesta---“Chello Kebab, what else. Debu, what do you say?”
Debobroto was also astonished to hear his short name from Teesta’s lips. He contracted his brows and looked at Teesta. She smiled sweetly at him.
“Come on don’t give that look.” She smiled back.
After that we came out. It was still drizzling, that time I could open my umbrella. I and Teesta were on the same route so we were walking towards the main road. Debobroto was also walking with us.
Teesta asked him---“What are you going to do after M.Sc.?”
He shook his head and said---“I have not thought of anything yet, probably a lecturer or do research.”
He asked her back---“What are you going to do?”
“I am tired of studying. I will settle down after my college” she asked me as what I wanted to do.
I said---“I want to be a teacher. Let us see what happens. Ambitions are always not fulfilled; wishes are not met by fate.”
Debobroto looked into my eyes, our eyes met and I felt a deep writhing pain inside my chest.
He said to me---“Why are you so gloom now-a-days? Why is your voice sounding so cynic today?”
“Nothing” I said.
Teesta stood near to Debobroto as we waited for taxi. Her arms were touching his arms. I felt the closeness that was brewing inside her. I restrained myself from some unknown vacuum.
We were to board the taxi. I looked back over my shoulder, Teesta still stood by his side looking at his face. All the while he looked at me and approached me.
He handed a small box wrapped in a cellophane paper in my hand and said---“A small gift from a demure friend.”
I smiled back at him and said---“If you are demure then the world is mute.”
Teesta laughed at him and said---“Where is my gift?”
He scratched his scalp---“I don’t have the license to gift you. Do I?”
I boarded the taxi along with Teesta.
Before the taxi started, she threw some words at him---“I will wait for your gift.”
I thought, as the taxi cut through the streets and drove though the drizzle “What was happening to the world around me?”
Both of us were very quiet all along the return journey. Both of us lost in one’s thought. She was probably thinking about her future and I was thinking about my past.
She had to get down before me. When her stoppage came, she got down.
She looked at me and said---“Thank you for the treat.” She kissed my cheek and waved her hand.
The sun already went down. It was getting dark and there was no sign of rain to stop.
I entered my house. Babu and ChotoMa were waiting for me. I was surprised to see ChotoMa as she usually returns late from her school.
I asked them---“What?”
ChotoMa told---“I promised you to gift a music system. So hurry up. Change your dress.”
I said---“I don’t want any music system. I told you beforehand.”
She came near me and asked---“What happened to you?”
I felt a pain and wanted to tell the bitter truth “You all have done a lot for a girl who is not your own. Do not drown me in your debt more. I won’t be able to stand.”
Unwillingly I went with them and they gifted me a music system. I kept that on my reading table. Seldom had I used to hear music.
In the night, when I was alone in my room, I opened the box that Debobroto presented me. There was a small glass sphere filled up with transparent liquid. In that glass sphere there were two tiny cute looking statues of a boy and a girl with entwined arms. I smiled by looking at that “Debobroto what are you asking for I don’t have that with me. I can’t give you what I have lost.” I packed that sphere back inside that box and kept that in one corner of my bookshelf.
During the Puja vacation, ChotoMa and Babu requested me to stay with them in Kolkata. I obliged happily. I never enjoyed puja of Kolkata before.
On the eve of Puja vacation, ChotoMa and Babu took me to BowBazar for buying gold jewelries.
That time I could not deny them.
On Ashtami morning, Debobroto called and asked whether I would like to go out with them or not.
I asked---“Who all are going?”
He told me that all of the friends would be going.
I asked---“One car or different cars?”
He joked at me---“Why? Don’t you feel comfortable with me?”
I laughed on him---“Come on Debobroto. Do not be mischief. I am asking so that we can enjoy.”
---“Ok I will hire a van or an Innova to take us all.”
---“Is Teesta coming with us?”
---“Surely it was her plan to go out.”
I asked ChotoMa that I wanted to go out with my friends and will be late for home. They did not oppose.
I dressed in a simple cream coloured cotton saree with dark green border. Tied my plaids in a bun; hanging below my nape.
ChotoMa looked at me and almost screamed---“What is this Paree? Today is Ashtami puja and you are dressed like this? What about the saree that I gave you this Puja?”
She presented a beautiful South Indian silk of green and golden border, on that puja.
I gave a faint smile at her and said---“This is ok.”
She pushed me inside my room---“At least don’t be so colour less in life.”
“Ok” I shook my head and changed myself in that gorgeous saree. It went very well with my cream soft complexion. She came out with her jewelry box and tied a necklace around my neck.
I looked at ChotoMa and asked her---“What the need of this?”
She rubbed her palm on my head and said---“Nothing. I am looking how beautiful you are. Enjoy with your friends and keep your mobile on all the time so that we can reach you.”
I nodded my head and said---“Oh! ChotoMa I am not a child anymore.”
I was dressed in that green coloured silk saree. Hair plaids ran down till my end of my back. I wore a matching green blouse. Few gold bangles adorned my thin wrist. Small gold earring dangled beautifully from my ears. My right lock danced on my right cheek. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled “Paree you are going to set fire to Kolkata.”
All of a sudden, I felt a touch on my shoulder, a very soft loving touch. There was no reflection on the mirror but I was sure that I felt that touch on my shoulder.
Someone whispered in my ears---“EVE you are looking gorgeous today.”
I stood there looking at my face, gradually my chest gurgled. My nose tip turned red. Tears brewed in my eyes. I pressed my palms on my chest to drowse my pain. I touched my shoulder where I felt his touch and pressed it on my lips.
Just then, my mobile phone rang.
Teesta shouted from the other end---“Come on. What are you waiting for? We are all waiting for the queen bee at the bus stop.”
I wiped the corner of my eyes and answered---“Wait. I am coming.”
ChotoMa looked at me from head to toe and kissed my forehead.
She said to me in her usual affectionate tone---“Enjoy with your friends.”
I took my brown clutch and walked out.
I reached bus-stop. Teesta was looking very beautiful in her baby pink silk saree. Short sleeved blouse. A pair of crystal earring was twinkling from her ears. Her braids were tied in a bun as I did previously. Dark brown color glued on her pouting lips. A small gold chain tied around her neck. The rhombus shaped locket dangled at the curve on her upper chest. For the first time I saw her in saree. “She looks beautiful in all dresses” I thought. She ran towards me, hugged me tightly, and whispered in my ears “If I were a boy I would have courted you Mita.”
I looked in her naughty eyes and complimented her---“You are going to set fire today not I.”
I smiled at Debobroto. He was looking dashing in his black kurta with golden yellow embroidery all over the collar and front. He was wearing a pair of cream jeans.
I told to myself “Both of them were made for each other, not for me.”
He smiled and came near me, whispered in my ears---“I will have a tough time to handle two beautiful ladies.”
I told to myself “Only one dear. Do not even try to think of me. Can’t you see the love that is dripping from Teesta’s eyes? What a fool you are. She has changed a lot.”
Instead I slapped his head and said---“Don’t try to get closer; else we both will fry you in fry pan.”
I asked them---“Where are the others?”
Teesta winked at me and said---“There is no others. We three only are going out.”
I almost screamed at them---“WHAT?”
“Why? Don’t you feel secure around me?” Debobroto asked me.
I shook my head in dismay. Everything became crystal clear in front of my eyes as I looked at Teesta’s loving cute face. Teesta arranged for the outing with Debobroto and Debobroto asked her whether I could go along with them or not.
I felt myself laughing after a long time. Teesta was babbling like a nightingale all the time.
It was night about eleven o’clock when we reached Muhammad Ali Park puja pandal. It was very crowded. I looked at the crowd and said to Debobroto that I will not go inside.
Teesta gave a pleading look at me and asked to accompany her.
Debobroto said that he does not want to go inside if I were not going. I stood helpless.
Teesta pleaded again---“Please Mita. There will be crowd everywhere.”
I told them that I had to make a call. I wanted to call Suprotim Da as to ask whether he had contacted them or not. Sixteen months passed without any news of him.
She looked at Debobroto who was still looking at me. I gave a faint smile at them and asked them to enjoy.
Teesta walked with Debobroto towards the puja pandal, in the crowd. She held his left arm tightly with her both hands, as if she did not want to let him go. I smiled at them as they walked towards the crowded place. All the time Teesta was holding his arm and looking at his face.
They were about to enter the pandal. Debobroto looked back over his shoulder and stretched his right hand towards me.
I took out my mobile and was to call Suprotim Da.
His eyes got a pleading look. He shouted, as there was huge noise all around---“I am still waiting for you, Mita.”
I clutched the mobile in my palm and forgot that I had to make a call. I looked at Teesta. Her eyes were glistening, but there was a smile on her lips. She looked at me. Her eyes told me many things. I shook my head “What are you doing Debobroto? Are you really so blind?”
I slowly walked towards them and patted on his back---“You won’t change Debobroto?”
He joked at me---“Why do I need to change?”
Teesta whispered “For my sake Debu.” Her words, drowned in the loud blaring noise. It did not reached Debobroto’s ears but it reached mine.
One day I called Suprotim Da at night.
It was Ritika again on the other end. I asked her whether he called them or not. She said that he had not called for a long time. I was very much perturbed then by her answer. I kept my head cool. I told her that if he calls them, then just inform him that I am still to receive any type of communication from him. She was surprised to hear that that he had not contacted me. She pacified me that he would surely find out some way to contact me. I pacified my soul by her answer and let the waves flow through the river.
ChotoMa and Babu were again behaving normally with me. Their smiles returned back but were less. Those touches of affection were losing its sheen. “ShonaMa” was seldom heard from their lips.
Few months later, again I observed a tense look on their face. I could not understand as what was creating those wrinkles on their foreheads.
One day I gathered all my strength to ask them as what was disturbing them for long time?
ChotoMa returned from her school, I was in my room. Babu was watching TV in drawing room.
ChotoMa came into my room and asked about my college and friends.
I asked---“Why are you both so disturbed? Is that all due to me?”
She sat on my bed and looked at me---“No. We are not disturbed, just cursing the fate.”
I understood everything that was in their heart.
She went on---“You are growing older. Next year you will turn twenty-seven. I was thinking of searching a groom for you.”
I pressed my pen between my lips to hide my pain---“Why? Am I bothering you very much?”
---“Paree, age is a factor of every one’s life. As you grow old, you will understand that you need someone by your side to look after you. You mom or we won’t be with you forever.”
I shook my head and said---“I was thinking for a long time that I should return to my native place. I don’t want to pursue M.Sc. anymore.”
Her voice choked a little---“Don’t talk about going back to your native village. We still love you. You are not a burden on us. It is a general concern of all parents about their daughter.”
---“Then why are you talking about my marriage?”
---“We want to see you happy before we close our eyes. We are also getting old; your mom is also getting old. She also expressed her concern about your marriage.”
I was surprised to hear that---“What? My mom told you about my marriage?”
She shook her head and said---“No, not actually. She is also getting old and she also must be thinking about your marriage.”
“So it was your thought,” I told to myself. “You want to get rid of me as soon as possible. I know my Mom; she will not be asking you for my marriage at least. She knows what I want.”
She looked at my face which was lost in my Mom’s thought and asked---“What are you thinking?”
I voiced my concern---“Nothing. But if you all behave with me like that then it is hard to concentrate on my studies.”
She apologized to me---“Sorry. We will talk about this later on. A whole year is there to discuss and lot of time for you to think.”
She went away, closing the door behind her. I was unable to concentrate in my studies.
Winter vacation approached. My M.Sc. final were just five months from then. I went back to my native village. That time I went alone in the cab. Neither Babu nor ChotoMa accompanied me.
I got down from the cab alone; my Mom looked at my face.
She asked me---“You are alone this time?”
I nodded my head and carried my bag inside---“Yes, ChotoMa and Babu were busy in some work. Anyway they will be coming to take me back.”
She probably sensed those bubbles inside me.
At night, she came to my room. I was writing few lines in the “Optics Notebook”. I closed that and looked at her.
She asked me---“Has Abhimanyu contacted you?”
I shook my head---“No he has not called me; neither has he called Suprotim Da.”
---“What happened to him? Why he is not trying to contact you?”
I was very annoyed on hearing those words. I almost screamed---“How can I know? What the hell is he doing? I don’t even know why he came in my life and just uprooted me.”
I had mixed feelings of angst and pain and fear running inside my heart.
Angst, he was not contacting me. Pain, has he forgotten me? Fear, something should not happen to him.
I asked Mom---“When are you going to talk to ChotoMa about me and Abhi?”
She came near me and rubbed her palms on my head---“Don’t be so restless.”
---“How can I hold on? Eighteen months have passed. What is he doing?”
She asked me a final question---“Ask your heart. What is restraining him from contacting you for last eighteen months? If you find answer, then wait for him and fight. If you don’t find any answer then meet whatever comes in your life.”
I locked the door after mom went out. I asked that question to myself that night. But I could not find any answer.
I called Suprotim Da again but the phone answered, “Please check the number you have dialed.”
I found the panes of glass covering my heart getting shattered by that answer. My last and only hope drowned. I did not cry that day. I did not sleep on my bed also. For the whole night, I was awake on my bed, sat silently. I felt angry upon myself for waiting too long for him. I felt a huge vacuum inside my heart. Nothing was there to fill my soul. No pain no happiness, only a dark vacuum.
I looked the “Optics Notebook” lying on the table. For once, I thought of destroying that diary forever. “Why should I care for his childhood? Why should I care for his friendships? Why should I care for his love?”
I took the diary in my hands and was about to tear. The page that opened in front of me was his Hindi poem. I read that somehow which restrained me to destroy that diary.
The whole winter break, I kept myself confined to my studies only. I knew that very well, that if I have to fight the world I have to be on myself. I had a pillar, my Mom, but I had to search for him also.
One evening Sumanto Da came to me and asked me to sign few court papers. I asked him as what has happened. He told me that those papers were of mutation and it was of my share of the property. I looked at his face as he handed those papers to me. I grazed my eyes over those papers once and then signed those papers. The house was breaking I felt. Already after Subroto’s marriage, the kitchen was divided and then I felt the walls building up on the compound.
On the last night before the vacation was to end and I had to return with ChotoMa, my Mom came to my room.
I was lying on the bed on my tummy and was preparing some notes.
My mom came and sat beside me and rubbed her palms on my back.
She asked---“So have you got your answer?”
I was so engrossed in my books that I looked up at her face and shook my head and said “No.”
She smiled at me---“I am not asking about your Physics. I am asking about the question that I asked you on the first day.”
I dug inside my head and then said in a confirmed voice---“If you are with me, then I will wait till the evening of my life till I get him back.”
She smiled painfully at me and said---“Well then. When he calls you or contacts you. First you ask him to meet me. I want to talk to him alone and then I will talk to your ChotoMa.”
I hugged her. My heart answered on that day, that he would return for me.
ChotoMa came to take me back. My Mom’s face was sullen. Everybody looked sullen on that day, as if I was going for the last time. I told everybody that after my final exam I was going to come back and stay with them.
Dushtu came near me and whispered---“You haven’t kept your word this time also.”
I could not answer his queries, all I could do was to board the cab and leave silently, hiding my gurgles brewing inside my chest.
For next few months, I tried Suprotim Da’s number but every time I had the same answer from there “Please check the number you have dialed.”
One night after dinner, I was in the drawing room watching TV.
I overheard some conversation which I could not understand that time.
Babu---“What can we do, she is definitely contacting someone.”
ChotoMa---“This is really disgusting. How can she contact?”
Babu---“Probably she hasn’t contacted. I once checked her mobile but there was no international call.”
ChotoMa---“Then what is the meaning of all these?”
Babu---“I fail to understand as what are these.”
ChotoMa---“Better we don’t talk about this. But where is he currently? He called a year ago.”
Babu---“Hmmm… I know, but after that he has not called. Neither on the landline nor on her mobile.”
ChotoMa---“Should we ask Paree?”
Babu---“No, have you gone mad. Let that be, between us only.”
ChotoMa---“But I miss my son, same time I can’t leave her also as I have given word to her mother.”
Only thing that I could fathom from that conversation that he had not contacted me on mobile neither on the landline. There was a big question that crept in my brain “What was he doing? How was he? Has he forgotten that his love is waiting for him?”
Every passing day, the ray of hope faded inside my heart. I tried to pour oil in the lamp to keep the flame burning, every moment.
Classes started, the final exam was few months away.
There were free periods in the second half that day. I had to complete my practical, so I was totally engrossed in my work. I forgot to bring the lunch on that day. There were few students in the class. Neither Teesta nor Delisha was there. Debobroto was also not there.
Time was flying by; I lost the count of time.
Suddenly I felt a nudge on my shoulder. I looked up with big surprising eyes to find Debobroto looking at me. There was an angry look in his eyes.
“Lady Vidyasagar. Skipping lunch won’t make you first in the class.” He pushed a sandwich in front of me and asked---“Eat this.”
I smiled at him and asked---“Who told you that I am hungry?”
---“Your face, idiot. Don’t ask anything just eat this or I will bang your head.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked him.
He paid no heed to my words, unpacked that sandwich, and pushed that in my mouth. I was taken aback by his actions. I got choked.
I screamed---“You Swine, you are hurting me.”
While he pushed the sandwich, his left hand fingers grazed on my chin. He was laughing at me on my angry look.
I heard few footsteps at the door. I looked at the door with my mouthful of sandwich. I saw Teesta looking at us. There was a pain in her beautiful eyes. Her eyes glistened on seeing his hand on my chin.
I pushed his hand from my chin and looked down to my practical book.
I said to Debobroto---“Go away. Leave me.”
She quietly came near me and sat beside me. I was unable to look at her face. She stooped down, rested her head on the desk, and kept herself very silent. I could hear her heartbeat and her pulsating breath.
I looked over my shoulder and shouted at Debobroto---“When are you going to leave?”
---“Why?”
---“No periods are there now, so why are you waiting?”
He took his bag and approached my bench. He looked at both of us. Teesta had her head still on the bench.
He asked as what happened to her.
I asked him again---“Why are you waiting?”
He whispered---“I was waiting for you.”
I observed that Teesta clenched her fist under the table as she heard him say those words. Debobroto was unaware of her reactions as he was standing there.
I said to him---“I will go home later after finishing the practical notes.”
He joked at me---“Well, this class is for everyone. I will sit and won’t disturb you.”
I clenched my jaws and said to him in a commanding voice---“Just leave the class. Now. If you have nothing to do.”
He could not understand as what made me so angry that day. He gave a blank look at my face as he walked out silently.
I placed my hand on Teesta’s back. Her back trembled like a small twig caught in a storm.
I took her face between my palms and wiped few drops from her cheeks. Her eyes were closed.
I asked her---“Why have you not told me before?”
She sobbed out---“What should I tell you? He does not even look at me. He still feels that I am the same old Teesta. I am not the same, Mita. I am trying to change myself for him”
I shook my head---“You insane girl. Why haven’t you proposed him yet?”
She almost cried out---“He always looks at you. How could I know; what was in your heart?”
“My goodness!” I said to her. “Ok, I will handle this before I leave this college.”
She gave a queer look at me---“What about you?”
I told her the truth in a single sentence---“I don’t have my heart with me. Someone stole that long ago. So what I don’t have I can’t give that to anyone.”
I paused for few breaths and said to her---“Don’t ask who was he or where is he. Just be contented that my heart is not with me.”
She hugged me tightly and hid her face on the curve on my shoulder.
I assured her---“I will do my best, to bring you two together.”
Few weeks after that incident; the M.Sc. final exam schedule were declared. The study break was about to start. The last period was over. I looked around and arranged my notebooks in my bag. Teesta was still sitting inside the class room. I asked her whether she was going home or not. She said that she would wait for some more time. I smiled at her and walked out.
In the corridor, I saw Debobroto was walking towards me. I smiled back at him and was to cross him.
He suddenly held my wrist and pulled me. I almost fell on him and was taken aback by his actions. A gush of hot blood rushed in my head. My bosoms were pressed on his masculine broad chest. He didn’t let my wrist go from his strong clutch.
He brought his face near me and said to me---“I have to say something before the end of the session.”
I looked at him with my big eyes. I anticipated that that was going to happen someday or the other.
His warm breath was flooding my face as he stooped down and looked deep in my big eyes.
I could feel his heart pumping fast inside his chest as it was crushing my soft bosoms. I felt a warm unruly sensation to run down my whole serpentine frame.
I controlled my anger, at the same time I felt to melt by his touch.
He lowered down his voice and said to me---“I have bought a bike and I want you to be the first lady to sit on the pillion.”
I clenched my jaws to control all the feelings of attraction that was probably peeking and threw away those from the corner of my heart. “Was I getting carried away?” I told to myself in that fraction of second. I gathered myself up and pressed my hand on his broad chest. Pushed him aside and gave a fiery look at him.
---“You should not do this to me Debobroto.”
He pleaded---“Why? What is wrong with me?”
I shook my head---“There is nothing wrong with you, but there is something wrong in me. I can’t give you what you seek for. There is someone waiting for you.”
It was his turn to get surprised---“Who?”
I held him by his wrist and pulled him inside the class room. I looked at Teesta. Her eyes were filled up with fear, pain and bewilderment.
I pointed to Teesta and said to Debobroto---“She is waiting for you. Go and live your life.”
Debobroto gave a bewildered look at me---“And you?”
I shouted at him---“What me? Can’t you see in her eyes? Go. She is your long lost fairy.”
I came near Teesta and handed his hand in hers. She was almost in tears. I felt the gurgle in Debobroto’s chest as he held her palms tightly.
He looked at her glistening eyes and said to her---“It took five years for you to understand me?”
She was sitting on the bench so she had to throw her arms around his waist. He pressed her head on his tummy and they melted away. Debobroto gave an admiring look at me and nodded his head to express gratitude.
I touched Teesta’s cheek and said her---“I kept my word and now don’t let him go.”
I looked at her face, smiling and filled up with gratitude. She was about to unclasp him and hug me. I signed her not to come near me. I wiped the corner of my eyes and walked away from there.
I closed my eyes, I saw on my right that a white unicorn was trotting towards me. I looked on my left I found a tiny sapling growing on the ground. I turned towards the sapling and put my left foot forward, crushed that tiny green sapling and then waited for the unicorn to come near me and touch my neck.
My M.Sc. final exam was just over. I was very happy, as I knew that I would come out with flying colours. I was also happy that at last I would be able to free myself from the ivory cage of the emperor and the empress. The princess at last sensed the air of freedom.
One fine summer morning when no one was present at home, I called my Mom.
---“Ma, my exams are over I am coming back to you.”
Her voice was choked as she heard her daughter’s voice saying her that she would return to her lap---“Yes. Paree I am waiting.”
Her motherly concern flowed from her throat---“Now return to me lap my child.”
---“Yes Ma, now on whatever I do, I will do from my native place. I will search job and be with you, Ma.”
She asked me---“Have you got any news of Abhimanyu?”
I took a deep breath and then said to her---“No Ma. He has not contacted me yet, but I am sure he will come. I will wait for him, Ma. I know that by my heart that he will come back.”
---“Ok. So when are you coming back?”
---“Within few weeks.”
She gave good news to me---“Kalyani is expecting a child.”
I was surprised to hear that---“Really, I will call her just now.”
After talking with my Mom, I called Kalyani.
---“Congratulation! When did this happen?”
Kalyani’s voice was low; I felt she was also very happy---“Two months ago. I missed the last period then I was bit skeptical. But when I consulted doctor then I was certain.”
I was very happy, everything was going very well.
I almost screamed---“I am coming back to village. I will look after you.”
---“Surely I am waiting for you.”
I called Teesta after that.
---“Hey how are you doing?”
Teesta was bit surprised to hear my jovial voice---“You are sounding very happy today.”
---“Yes, I am going back to my native place.”
She was taken aback on hearing that. She screamed at the other end---“Means? You are leaving Kolkata forever?”
I calmed her down---“I am leaving that does not mean that I won’t be in touch with you.”
Her voice was low---“I want to meet you. Now.”
I calmed her down---“Ok. Before I leave for village, I will meet you. I give you my word.”
“Promise.” Her voice was shaky.
---“Promise dear.”
I told to ChotoMa that I would goto village for a change. She didn’t object. I didn’t disclose my real intention to her. My real intention was to break that chain and fly forever. I knew that very well that if I stay at their house then I would be married to someone else. I won’t be able to wait for him. More than seven hundred and thirty days had passed I heard his voice. Every night I used to take out his “Optics Notebook” and wrote my memoirs, my longings, my sleepless nights, my kisses. Every page I wrote bore marks of my red lips. Few pages also bore the wet marks of my dew drops those fell from, according to his writing “lotus buds”.
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