Update-51
“bur maan gaya tu toh... chal acha nahi kar raha. Waise bhi lagta hai, jam khul gaya...”
Ab badi-badi gaadiya bhi thoda-thoda aage-peechhe hone lagi thi... ab ye pure driving skills pe tha ki kaun kitna daba kar kitna aage gadi nikal sakta hai... jaise hee hum log ghat chadhna shuru kiye the Ved ne apna helmet mujhe thama diya tha, taaki uski wo kisse-kahani wali Apsara uska chehra ache se dekh sake... waise Ved school me jaisa tha , waisa hee uska development aage bhi hua... matlab uska vahashipan samay ke sath badhta gaya. Use koyi kochak bas de ek baar... fir tamasha dekho. Ab toh wo 28 saal ka hatta-katta jawan tha. Isiliye toh Ericsson me jab bhi kisi ko kaatna hota toh main use aage kar deta tha.
“madarchod....... gaddha... ye betichod itne heavy heavy truck chal-chala ke gand maar diye hai sadak ki... ek aur gadwa.. madarchod... inki maa ko chod dalu” road paar bane gaddho ke kaaran jab Ved ko thodi taqleef hui toh uske muh se madhur vaani nikli.
“baap ke sath gadi me rahega toh aise mat bolne lagna be. ki... madarchod gadwa... madarchod gaddha... pelbo karega baapu tera nahi toh.... aur ye cement waala truck dekh, kitna bada hai ... is jaise do truck akele chale toh ghati me jam laga de...”
“mahtarichod , mod raha hai toh lagta hai ki...ek bhag Rewa me hai aur ek bhag Mirzapur me...”
Us cement waale truck ke kaaran mod me hume uske pichhe rukna pad gaya... kyunki saale ne baaye se lekar daaye tak pura road cover kar liya tha, waha paas sadak ki haalat jarjar hone ke kaaran bhayankar dust pad rahi thi wo alag... mod paar karne ke baad wo truck thodi der tak thik thak upar chadha, par fir ajeeb-ajeeb aawaz karte hue achanak se band ho gaya, jiske kaaran ek baar fir dust khate hue hum log uske pichhe the...
"माधरचोद... और लइले तीन नंबर मा... एक नंबर मे चढ़ नहीं रही इसकी गाडी... बुरचोदि के 3 नंबर मे लगा ले... रुक माँ चोदता हूँ इसकी..."Bullet start karke Ved dheere-dheere us cement wale vishal truck ke bagal se gadi nikalne laga aur siddha jaake truck waale ke bagal me bullet khada kiya... kaha tha naa kki ab wo school waala Ved bada hokar rakshas ban chuka hai....
truck ke rukne ke kaaran already pichhe fir se jam lag chuka tha , isliye humare rukne par pichhe walo me se koyi nahi chillaya aur naa hee kisi ne horn maara.... waise bhi jitni jagah me Ved bullet lekar khada tha, utne me sirf paidal hee jaya jaa sakta tha ya fir jo Ved ki taraf bahute jyada skilled driver ho toh adhik se adhik bike nikal sakta tha...
“naa re madarchod.... bhosdike, kaahe pele pada hai gadi, jab jam laga hai toh... nashe me chala raha hai”
“kya bola be...”apni seat se neeche jhank kar wo truck waala gurraya...
“tirachha truck khada karke aankh dikhayega madarchod... nanga karke gand me silencer chhua dunga. Madarchod, talwar nahi hai, nahi toh chaar tyre abhiye kaat-ta . fir bula leta jisko bulana hai... teri chachi ka pond... gadchatt ... Fatherchod , mil madarchod tu dhal me... pakad ke dayichod chhuhiya ghati se neeche nahi fek diya toh bolna... tu aa... ghatiya paar karke...”
Itna bolkar Ved ne Bullet aage badha diya... wo truck waala bhi kuch nahi bol paaya. Kuch door tak toh hum log aise hee idhar, udhar karke aage jaise-taise badhte rahe... par ek jagah aisa jam mila ghati me ki.... aadmi side se sirf paidal aage jaa sakta tha, wo bhi ek bar me sirf ek.... Maine aas-paas walo se puchha tab itni der baad pata chala ki ye jam aakhir laga kyun hai... wo actually subah-subah hee do truck wale aamne-saamne se ek mod par takra gaye the… jiski vazah se pura road block ho gaya tha…
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“kaha tak padh liya be… thodi der me Saxsena bulane wala hai tujhe aur wo bio wali full khunnas khayi hai tere pe… hard-hard question puchhegi…”agle din lunch time me jab Ranjan humari class me aaya toh uske aate hee Ved uspe kood pada…
“2 chapter khatm hai… ek-ek shabd ghot ke pee gaya hu. Pahle main itne dhyan se kabhi nahi padha, lekin ab jab padh raha hu toh lagta hai ki pahle kyun nahi padha… kitna knowledge milta hai, yar. tum dono ka kaha tak pahucha…”
“abey humara school shuru hone se pahle hee complete hai…”Ved hasne laga…
“Sanjana se tu fb me baat kiya kya….”maine aise hee bina koyi khas interest darshate hue Ranjan se puchha
“kyun…”
“chal dikha kya-kya baat kiya… abhi tujhse patwate hai Sanjana ko…”itna kahkar Ved ek baar fir khis niporne laga
“chub pe… I mean... chup be… tu aur Ranjan wo main us-se baat naahi kiya na us din ke baad toh socha puch loon..… kuch bol rahi thi kya mere bare me…?”maine puchha... kyunki jis din clash of canvas ka result aaya tha, us din ke baad meri Sanjana se baat tak nahi hui thi aur ab mujhe ahsaas hone laga tha ki... usko kitna bura laga hoga.
“nahi toh… kuch bhi nahi boli , tere bare me... waise bhi mujhse jyada tu jaanta hoga Sanjana ko... ye chugali-vugli.. peeth pichhe burayi karne ki aadat uski nahi hai... bas Riya aur tu friends hai ya fir kuch aur … ye puchh rahi thi, ek baar mujhse”
“ wo competition me participate kar rahi hai na…?”maine agla sawal daga
“haan…. Aur Riya…?”
“uski toh painting bhi taiyar hai… ekdum hatke theme hai… hospital me uski maa baithi hui hai aur wo udas hokar apne maa ke saamne leti hui hai… mera matlab uski maa leti hui hai aur wo udas baithi hui hai... dono ek dusare se kuch kah rahe hai, lekin aankho se… aur bas usi ankh pe Riya ki puri painting based hai… ”
Aur tabhi ek bio wala ladka humare class me ghusa aur Ranjan ko aawaz dekar bola ki, Saxsena aur bio wali mam ne use principal office me bulaya hai….
“wish me luck…guys”
“abey kahe ka luck.. ye koyi MCQ thodi hai… idhar koyi luck nahi chalta… chal ja aur faad de… bio wali ki… ”Ranjan ka saahas badhate hue Ved bola “jaa aur uski chut faad ke bachadani nikal ke tahas-nahas kar de usko.... taaki next time jab wo Garib Gang ka naam sune toh uske muh se moot nikal jaaye, Garib Gang Rocks...”
“abey itna bhi josh nahi dena hai..… anyway.. Ranjan, all the best.”maine kaha….
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“abbeeyyyyy… pelwayega kya… aise break lagate hai, bhosdike…”Jab Ved ne jhatke se Interceptor ko roka toh main bola
“lawde dikh nahi raha saamne , ab kya gadi uda ke le jaun..”
“toh jab aage badh nahi sakte toh aage badha kyun raha hai... shanti se khada rah, jaise baaki khade hai...”main fir jhallaya kyunki Ved ye bahut der se kar raha tha...
“saamne dekh... maal hai scooty me... ab dekh main karta hoon”
saamne scooty wali ladki ka dhyan aakarshit karne ke liye Ved ne horn maara… lekin wo scooty waali peechhe nahi mudi… tab Ved ne dusari baar horn maara aur jab ladki fir bhi pichhe nahi mudi toh back to back horn bajane laga… lagatar horn bajane laga aur tab tak bajata raha jab tak ki wo scooty waali khunnas me pichhe nahi palat gayi...
“kyaaaaa haiiii… dikhayi nahi deta ki jam laga hua hai…”pichhe mudkar wo scooty wali hum dono par barasi
“arey madam , aap toh bura maan gayi.. mujhe dikh raha hai ki saamne traffic jam hai, main toh bas aapse puchh raha tha ki jam laga kyun hai…”
“mujhe kya pata…”
“aapko pichhe se dekh kar laga ki aap bum intelligent hogi , isiliye puchh liya... par aap nahi ho, khair koyi baat nahi...”
“heyyy.. you...”humari taraf ungali karke wo fir chillayi “tum jaise ladko ko achchhi tarah se jaanti hu main, khoobsurat ladki dekhi nahi ki line maarna chalu…. Lafange kahi ke...”
Itna kahkar us scooty wali ne apni gand seat se thoda upar karke , apne dono pair road pe chalakar scooty humse jitna door ho sakta tha utna door le gayi…
“bike start karke thok du kya be …isko.... ? Sala sirf itna puchha tha ki jam kyun laga hua hai aur itna kuch suna gayi… waise ye dekh… Chopra kya messege forword kiya hai group me……
ek archaeologist ne bataya hai ki Kohinoor hira Chhattisgarh ke Bastar jila me mila tha……… thanks to Chopra , mujhe bhi aaj pata chal gaya… ”
“Chopra lawda kuch din baad bolega ki pura Mahabharat bhi Chhattisgarh me hua tha, bas ladayi karne Haryana chale gaye the”
“aur reason bhi de dega ki .. Mahanadi me paani bhara hua tha…”
“dekhna apne college ke khooni ground ko hee naa bol de ki yahi Mahabharat hua tha…”haste hue maine kaha….. “sun naa... ek baar aur horn maar na..”
“jab traffic jam ka kaaran puchhne pe itna suna di toh… abki baar harassment ka case thok degi… seedhe”
“arey maar na… gariayegi toh peechhe bhag jayenge… tu horn maar…”
Aur fir mere jor dene pe Ved ne horn maara… jis-se us scooty wali ki jhaate sulag gayi , wo daant peesate hue fir peechhe mudi, par kuch kahti usse pahle hee Ved bol pada...
“sorry, wo galti se dab gaya tha….”
Itna kahne ke baad Ved peechhe muda aur hum dono hasne lage…
“ek aur baar... horn maar na…”us scooty wali ke aage mudte hee maine fir se kaha
“beta yadi isne aage-peeche walo ko bata diya na toh public mil ke aise pelegi na… land of white tiger jaane ke bajay land of yumraj pahuchenge seedhe… waisi bhi public khunnayi hui hai… jam se. sara gussa hum hee logo pe utaregi…”
“fir bhi kuch kar na… iski jal rahi hai… aur jala… ek kaam kar… wo spoon wala gana gaa naa apni besuri aawaz me jor-jor se….”
“haan ye thik hai… gaand na sahi, kaan toh faad hee sakta hu iska….. ready..?”
“always…”
“kaan me ungali daal le fir… abhi iski khoobsurati bayan karta hu…”bolkar Ved jor-jor se besuri aawaz me gaane laga…
I got my bowl full of froot loops, I’m just looking for a clean spoon….
I got my girl in the other room, Big Dynamite, BIG BOOOOOOOOM …..
Ye gaana mujhe ratti bhar bhi pasand nahi tha, lekin is samay bahut bhaa raha tha... scooty wali ki jo jal rahi thi, use kya hee batau... wo Ved ke besuri aawaz se itna tang ho gayi ki scooty wahi khadi karke hum dono ko bakte hue waha se door chali gayi....
“Big Dynamite, BIG BOOOOOM...”Interceptor ki kamaan mere hath me dekar jis taraf wo scooty wali gayi thi usi taraf do-char kadam jakar Ved fir se chillaya...
“dekh ke be.. pareshan hokar neeche naa kood jaaye..”