Sabse pehle to dirty_thoughts ko mera asankhya dhanyawaad ki unhone is lajawaab kahani ko aur romanchit karne ke liye is 'nayi kadi/part' ko humare saamne pesh kiya. Humare lekhak un khaas logo mein se hai jo paathako ki advice aur sujhaav par dhyaan dete hai. Aise lekhak bare bhaagya se Xforum or Xforum pe dekhne ko milte hai. Aur isi liye inki kahani padne hum sab pathak hafto hafto besabri se intezaar karte hai.
Main lekhak se aur baaki pathako se vinti karta hu ki mera sujhav ka bura na maane, aur is comment ko sirf ek 'sujhav' ke nazar se dekhe. Mera iraada lekhak ko protsahan deke sirf is kahaani ko aur bhi behtar banana hain. Time kam hi sahi, pathak bhi dete hai. Is kahani mein ji tod mehnat ki jaa rahi hai. Likhne ka passion aur potential dono bemisaal hai. Main nahi chahta iska engagement gire isiliye apne lambe comment ke liye sabse maafi chaahta hu!
So,
Is Kahani ka extended introduction zaruri tha, acha kiya apne doosri kadi pesh ki
LEKIN...
Introduction ki ek dikkat hai. Naye introduction aur naye kirdaar, kabhi kabhi original kirdaar,puraane context aur unke resolution ko peeche chor/adhoora kar dete hai aur kahani ulajh sakti hai.
Aam taur par, kisi bhi lekhak ke nazar se dekha jaaye to uske banaye saare kirdaar important hote hai par paathak se pucha jaaye to jawaab alag alag milenge.
Kuch kirdaar aur unki gatividhi lupt hoti dikhayi de rahi hai, jaise ki -
1.
Maalti. Lekhak ke anusar, isne wo hawas laddoo galti se khayaa hai jisse iska apne aap par ab koi kaaboo nahi hai. Par anokhi ke murder ne kahani ka angle hi ghuma diya aur kuch had tak is kahani ko complicated kar diya hai. Maana ki monu ki haalat ki wajah se wo gamghin hai par kab tak? Maalti kahani ka mukhya kirdar hai par monu se chudai ke baad ab tak ispe koi khaas baat chit hui hi nahi! Kahani bas iske ird-gird (kabhi past kabhi present) mein hi ghoom rahi hai.
Main samajh sakta hu lekhak central character ko chudwa chudwa ke surprise khatam nahi karna chahte. Shayad update 2075 mein uski chudayi dhang se dekhne mile. Par Agar aisa hai to itni jaldi hawas ka laddoo maalti ko khilaya hi kyun? Maalti ko Bhaanu ka lund dikha kar rijhaaya kyun? Ab yeh naya thread aur unki kahani aur unka sex...(lekhak se anurodh karta hu ki kahani ka ek - DIRECTION SET KARIYE)
2.
Jabbar - Yeh khoonkhar aadmi chupa chupa hi firta hai, isne abhi tak Maalti ke hawas aur akelepan ka koi fayda nahi uthaya. Aur sab chor chaar ke monu ko khatam karne ke chakkar mein laga hua hai. Kya murder is kahani ka theme hai? Nahi. Kya ye maalti se akarshit hai? Haan. Kya use wo chodega? Iska bhi koi ata pata nahi - direction is undefined.
3.
Mahendra. Iska aur maalti ka angle aaj bhi incomplete hai. Isne bhi abhi tak maalti ke akelepan aur hawas ka koi fayda nahi uthaya (jabki ye past mein maalti ko uski jawaani mein mast ragad chuka hai). Monu ka koma mein hona - shayad maalti aur iska angle ko badhawa deta aur Hume shayad dono ke beech ki hawas dekhne ko milti par is naye thread mein naye characters la diye gaye. Kabhi ye bhai sahab aate hai, kabhi ye jaate hai aur filhaal maalti ka kandha bane hue hai. Na jaane choot kab maraange!
4.
Bhaanu. Isne bhi abhi tak maalti ke akelepan aur hawas ka koi fayda nahi uthaya (jabki ye past mein, maalti ke laddoo khaane ke baad, maalti ko apna lund pant/dhoti ke upar se dikha ke garam kar chuka hai. Yeh maalti ko gabhin karke badla lena chahta tha. Us din dono ke beech almost kuch ho jata par lekhak ne khade lund pe last maar di! Lekhak ke anusaar ye wahi hai, jiska pura ghar pariwar aur rishetdaar Maalti ki wajah se khatam ho gaye hai. Logic to yahi kehta hai isko maalti ke upar Dore daalne chahiye, use fasa ke bistar par laane ki koshish karni chahiye. Taaki badla le sake. Par ye kar kya raha hai? Apni biwi Sheela ke saath romance.
Tyaagi - Ye bhai sahaab jari booti dhundne aur 'Vanraj' ko thik karne gaye the pahadi waale mandir pe. Yeh wait karke dekhna chaahte the "Bhaanu kya karta hai", par Bhanu ko to biwi ki gaar maarne se fursat nahi..lol. Aur Vaid ji koi ata pata nahi!
Vanraj - Yeh 90's ke Kaanti Shah ke filmo ka bhoot Maalti ko chod ke gabhin karna chahta hai. Par iska WL kabhi confirm nahi hoga kyunki Vaid ji lapata hai, Bhanu ko biwi ki gaar maarne se fursat nahi, Monu Koma mein hai aur Mahendra sirf maalti ko dekh kar hilaata hi hai, Heera aur Panna ki entry baaki hai - aur ye sab ke sab Maalti ke coach mein apna RAC - ab tak confirm nahi karwa paaye aur Part 1 khatam bhi ho gaya. Is naye thread mein lekhak to poore Sundarpur gaon ko dikha rahe hain. Vanraj to..g..g..giyo!
Savita aur Satyam. Ye hamare priya lekhak ke priya characters hai. Lekhak aksar inhe chudwa ke maalti ki chudayi taalte hai. Inka sex repetitive aur boring lagne laga hai kyunki Savita kabhi shareef aur pativrata thi hi nahi - pehle se hi badchalan aurat thi. Uska chudna kisi aam randi ke chudne maafik hi lagta hai chaahe use uska beta chode ya koi aur xyz aadmi.
Anokhi. Part 1 mein jab wo mar hi chuki hai to part 2 (is naye threead) mein uski flashback chudayi dikha ke zaruri kirddaro aur unke milan ko delay karna...mujhe sahi nahi laga. Mere hisab se Anokhi ke past par 'detailed description' lekhak aur pathak dono ka waqt bardaad hai.
Ye sab character aur inka milan abhi bhi adhoora hai. Aur uske pehle hi lekhak ne Sheela aur Sattu, Bulbul aur Thakur BP Singh, Pehlwan Aur Hansini.....naye characters ka angle dikha diya.
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Mera 2 hi hai anurodh hai. Chota se hai. Gaur kariye ga please.
1. Kahaani ki theme par dhyaan dijiye. Kahaani ko disha dikhaiye prabhu!
Ya to Incest+Adultery kariye, ya fir Suspense Thriller dikhaiye ya fir Horror dikhaiye. Har naya theme apna description,context aur time maangti hai. Sab theme mix karne se kahani sirf lambi hogi, dilchasp nahi!
2. Kahani mein aapke banaye sabse important "jodiyo/sex couples" ko - ek ek karke priority dijiye.
Finish one couple's seduction sex and then start another couple's, scene by scene. Act by Act. Jitne naye kirdaar utni zyada likhne mein mehnat, puraane character ke milan ka delay aur ussay bhi jyada painful - important updates ke liye pathako ka lamba wait. These days over two weeks of wait.
Sorry Agar bura laga ho to. But aapne hi review maanga tha. My views are personal. You and other readers can feel free to disagree.
Asankhya dhanyawaad aapke keemti waqt aur mehnat ke liye