★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Naina]

Story = https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/#post-1480409] Dangee[/URL]
Writer = harshit1890


writer sahab ne reality ko touch karke kahani ke madhyam se samaj mein ho rahi kuch ghatnaye jaise dangee, jisme chupe huye kuch dardnaak raaz ko sarthak roop se explain karne ki koshish ki hain .. aisi dangee ke khabar kabhi kabhar news mein ya akhvaar mein bhi aate rahte hai . jishe dekh aur padhke dukh toh padarshit karte hai par shayad kabhi kabhi iski ghahraiyo mein chupe kuch ghatnao ko samajh nahi pate ... yahan pe ek baat par gaur kiya jaye.. ush aurat babe mein joh chhoti si news di gayi hai ki usne khudkhusi kar li... ushe padhke log yahin sochte ki usne jo kiya ya toh tandav mein aake kiya ya phir gharwalo ke wajah se.... par uske piche chupi sachhai toh kuch aur hi thi... jishe nazar andaz kar diya gaya .... thik waise hi ush aurat ke pati ya sasur joh aise dangee ke aad mein ghinaune kukarm karte hain, unhone bhi pehle kabhi aise news padhte huye nazar andaz kar dete honge.. par aaj wohi ghatna unke ghar mein hi ghat gayi....
Kuch log dangee karte hai charo aur aag lagane ki tammana rakhte hai par yeh nahi sochte hai ki wohin aag ki lapte unke ghar tak bhi pahunch sakte hai...
Writer sahab ne jish mudde ko lekar kahani likha aur jish tarike se aise dangee mein kuch ankahin kahaniya bhi chupi rah jati hai joh kaafi peeda dayak hoti hai, ushe darshane mein puri tarike se kamyab rahe.. .
So harshit ji Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill

 

[Naina]

Rahasyamai Highway (BE WARNED !)
Writer = Rbcl.007
Insaan kitna bhi Pratibha sampan‍na, hoshiyar ya savdhaani barat le kabhi kabhi kuch aise galtiya kar baithta hain ati aatamvishvas ke chalte ki baad mein pachtane ka mauka bhi nahin milta.... ishi baat ko writer sahab kahani ke jariye humare samaksh laye hai...
Rajeev ek jane mane journalist, upor se mashoor crime detective hote huye bhi usne itna sa bhi nahi socha ki call karne wali anjan thi...baki kuch nahin toh uske ghar jane pehle kam se kam uski information hi nikal le... yahin pe usne galti kar diya... ishe kahte hain overconfidence.. jiske chalte uska woh hasra hua...
Bahot khub writer sahab.... Kahani ki flow bigadne nahin diya aapne.. narrations aur language ki pakad kaafi majbut hain ...
Rbcl.007 ji Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill

 

[chintu222]

Dangee
By harshit1890

Harshit bhai ki jab bhi koi story aati hai toh usme humesha kuch na kuch unpredictable hee hota hai
Iss baar ummed thi ki chicha koi Thriller likhenge...lekin unhone humare saamne pesh kari ek aisi kahani ya yun kahein ek aisi sacchai jo ki iss samaj mein ho rahe atyacharon ko darshata hai.
Suruat hoti hai ek Ladki se jo Dango ke beech ghar se bahar nikalti hai keval apna farz pura karne jo ki uska uski sasu maa ke prati hai.
Lekin uss bechari ko kya pata tha ki aaj uskee uske saath kya hone wala hai.
Lekhak ne jo dikhaya hai ki kaise kuch log Dangoo ki aad mein aise kaam karte hain jiski naa hee unhe parwah hoti hai aur naa hee usse hone vaale nuksan ka sochte hain...bas karte hee jaate hain.
Uss ladki ke saath jo unn logon ne jo kara...vakayi mein ye ek aisa topic hai jiske peeche ki sacchayi sach mei kaafi bhyanak hai...uss ladki ka dard vo hee samhaj sakta hai jisne kabhi aisa kuch saha ho.
Aur ant mein aakar uss bechari ladki ne khudkhushi kar li..aur dange karne vaalo ka ko koi kuch nahi kar paaya.
Writer saab ne jis tarah se iss topic ke baare mein socha aur usse pesh kara..sach mein kaafi kaabile tareef hai.
Story ke narration kaafi bhadiaa hai aur uske peeche ka motive ek strong message dena hai ki kaise kuch logon ke dwara kiye dangee kaiyon ki jindagi hee khatam kar dete hain.
Overall a great story..good screenplay as well as strong message...thank you so much bhai for bringing such a hidden topic in front of us..and All The Best

 

[chintu222]

Rahasyamai Highway(Be Warned!)
By Rbcl.007

Ek khoobsurat ladki aadmi par kya jaadu kar sakti hai..ye iss story mein kaafi achee se bataya gaya hai.
Rajeev ek baahut hee kaabil journalist tha..jo ki ek Victim Ladki Komal ki kahani sunne uske ghar aaya tha...lekin uski khoobsurti ke aage vo sab bhul gaya.
Sabse pehle uss ladki ne apni kahani batayi kaise vo Highway par apne papa ke saath jaa rahi thi aur fir kaise kuch log use vahan se utha kar le gaye aur uske saath vo sab kara..aur ant mein usne uss karne wale ko maar diya.
Fir aata hai ek twist..jab ye ladki bhi same vaisi hee harkat karti hai...vo kehte hain na kuch ghatnayein hume badal kar rakh deti hain.
Rajeev bhi uski khoobsurti aur uski dard bhari kahni mein kho gaya..iss baat se anjaan ki uski maut aa chuki hai..aur ant mein vo mar jata hai.
Ye kahani hume yahi batati hai ki kaise kuch ghatnaye pure jivan ko badal deti hai..jaise ki Komal ke saath hua.
Overall a great story with good narration. Simple thi, choti thi but jo batana chaha writer saab ne vo batane mein vo safal hue.... All the Best

 

[_ABHAY_Smarty_]

Abhay Smarty Bhai ki story Haivaan (The Devil) ke liye review.

Bahut hi umda. Wah bhai gakab ki story likhi he. Is story me Insaniyat, emotions, ma bete ka ek duje ke liye pyaar , badla , gussa, darindagi sab kuch tha. Kaise un 2 logo ko mara devil ne. Magar sala mantri aur wo thakur bach gya. Leki akhiri me raju urf devil ne khud ko hi goli maar li jo ki achha nahi laga.

Ty so much bhaiyaaaa for a beautiful and lovely review....
Kabhi Kabhi hum jo nhi chahte woh majuboon wash krna padta hai... Raju ke pass choice thi... Woh aasni se chooth sakta tha... Court se aapne notice kiya hoga ki jate time wakeel ne usse kuch baat ki thi...
Jab se raju hua maa hi uski duniya thi... Isliye usne aisa kiya...

Mantri ka sceene add kr sakta but words ki kami or kuch bhi kam nhi ho sakta tha...
.
BtW ty so much again...

 

[HalfbludPrince]

प्यार-झगड़ा

(एक सिक्के के दो पहलू)

जीवन की कुछ परिस्थिति को दर्शाती कहानी जो बताती है कि यदि थोड़ा सा विचार किया जाए तो जिदंगी बेहतर हो सकती है

 

[_ABHAY_Smarty_]

Shandara Zabardast Zindabaad ??‍?♥

Bohot hi Zabardast story hai... Maza aa gaya

Ty so much baba bhai aapke andhe prem ke liye.... ??

 

[_ABHAY_Smarty_]

Story - Haivaan... ( The Devil )


Link- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/post-1477573


Writer- _ABHAY_Smarty_


About story-

badiya plot aur kasi hui story

narration badiya hai , aur story ko achche se arrange bhi kiya gaya hai , is story me kai events dikhaye gaye hai jo alag alag time frame me hote hai isliye inka sahi tarah se arrangement hona bhi jaruri hota hai ..

story ka first half bahut hi achcha laga lekin second half me thodi gadbadati hui najar aayi ,

raju se devil banne ki prakriya ko thoda aur detail me dikhana tha , baki chije to samjh aa rahi hai lekin 200 murder kahe ye samjh nahi aaya ,jabki uska pata kisi ke pas nahi tha to use supari koun deta tha :hmmm:

kaise pakd me aaya ye bhi samjh nahi aaya…

aur jab wo itana kabil aur takatwar tha wo Manohar ko maar ke marta , ya un logo se badla leta jinhone uski maa ke sath balatkar kiya …….

Kul milkar story ki ending mujhe thodi kamjor lagi ..

Suspense thriller wali story ke sath justification karna wo bhi limited words me thoda kathin kaam bhi hota hai , sab kuchh utane hi shabdo me batana hota hai ….

Baki story damdar thi , flow achcha rakha hai aur itani lambi story ko padhne me kahi bhi bor nahi lagta … ye story ka positive point hai ..

Sath hi suspense bhi achcha rakha gaya hai , shuru se lekar ant tak bandhane me kabil hui hai



Note for writer – abhi bhai bahut hi achchi story hai aapki , aapki mehnat bhi isme dikh rahi hai …

Mere khyal se thoda achcha aur ho sakta tha , khair kitana bhi achcha likho thoda achche hone ki gunjais to rahti hi hai ..



Best of luck for contest ?

Ty so much dr sahaab for a beautiful and lovely review....
.
Yes sahi kha aapne story or acchi ho sakti thi kuch or angle jode jaa sakte hai.. jinse sab clear ho jaata but sabdo ki kami ke karan mujhe krna pda....
Sabhi sceene matavpurn the jinhe hataya nhi jaa sakta tha... Isiliye second half thoda... Kamjoor pad gya first ke comperession... Qki first me maine sabdo ka dyaan nhi and last me mai fass gya...

Manohar ko maar badla le sakta tha but fass gya tha...

Btw Again TY so much.... I hope you understand what my point is...

 

[_ABHAY_Smarty_]

Haivaan... ( The Devil )
First of all I want to thank you for writing a new story and participating in the competition.
Right from the beginning of the story, it seems that Pandit ji is hiding something because the joy of becoming a father was not visible on his face. Firstly, Pandit ji did wrong by hiding his first marriage to Vimala and he fled instead of assuming the responsibility of family. Mathur has a good character in this story, he unknowingly supported the woman and her child.
What is happening in our society is shown very well in this story, people are contracting to kill each other. The story introduces the truth of the people.
Raju was the one who later became the devil, but why did Raju not take revenge? I did not like the ending of the story and I did not understand certain things. While reading the story I was not bored, the flow was very good.
Thank you very much for writing such a good story. I sincerely hope you win this competition.
Thank You...
???​

Ty so much akki bhai for such a great and beautiful review that you gave..
Aapko bhi mai yehi kehna chahunga... Words ki kami ke karan me scene add nhi kr saka.... Kuch nhi hataya jaa rha tha...

Again thanks bhai...

 

[_ABHAY_Smarty_]

Review for Haivaan (The Devil)

Story ka screenplay kayi parts mein divide kara gaya hai...aur alag alag events jo ki The Devil ki life mein hote hain unhe dihkaya gaya hai
Sabse pehle ye bataya gaya hai ki ek pandit jiske yahan ek bacche ka janam hota hai...vo koi aam baccha nahi hota balki vo ek aisa baccha hai jo ki Amar hai
Mathur ka character kaafi achaa dikhaya gaya hai..jis tarah usne bacche ko apnaya.
Samay ke saath vo baccha Raju se The Devil bana...iske piche ki kahani missing lagi...thoda bahaut uska description diya jaa sakta tha.
Uske baad vahi sab jo mostly Thriller stories mein padhne ko milta hai...Killing of people...The devil contract lekar logon ko maarne laga
Puri story ke dauran flow bana hua tha...lekin End mein pahaunch kar kuch sawal the..jinka jawab nahi mila tha.
1. Agar Devil itna bada Killer tha..toh fir vo itni asani se kaise pakad mein aa gaya?
2. Manohar ko kyun nahi mara agar vo itna hee kaabil tha toh? Usko maar ke pakda jata..toh aur better hota
Aur bhi chote mote sawal hain...but unhe najarandaaz kara ja sakta hai.

Puri story mein starting se End tak kahin bhi boriyat nahi hui...aue end Tak Suspense bana hua tha...lekin Fir end mein The Devil ne khud ko hee maar liya...ye baat puri tarah se hajam nahi hui
Overall kaafi bhadia plot aur Screenplay tha..Thanks for writing such a good story..and All The Best.

Ty so much bhai for a lovely review.... ???
I know bhai mai add kr sakta tha sabd tge nhi mere pass jinke karan mujhe aisa krna... Pda...
1.. Raju kaise pkda gya iska hint usne sonam ko diya tha.... Tum bachi ho isi karan woh yha hai.... Tou iske peeche bhi Minster ka hath samjh sakte hai aap...
2... 200 khoon krne waala most wanted aadmi kya nhi kr sakta... Sir but wohi sabd.... Wrna minister ki toh chitthi padh ke fat gai thi... ???

Again thanks...