8000 words me apko reena ka poora background v chahiye or ending v vistaar se chahiye.........waaaaahhhhhh aap to mahaan ho gyani baba.....hahahaha.....maine jab kahani likhi thi to 25000 words ho gaya tha....background banane me....fir maine kaat kaat kar use 8000 words me laya......tab jaake itna hua......
★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2025 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★
- Thread starterAdirshi
- Start date
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8000 words me apko reena ka poora background v chahiye or ending v vistaar se chahiye.........waaaaahhhhhh aap to mahaan ho gyani baba.....hahahaha.....maine jab kahani likhi thi to 25000 words ho gaya tha....background banane me....fir maine kaat kaat kar use 8000 words me laya......tab jaake itna hua......
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Always welcome brother:thankx: raju bhai aapko story achchi lagi
Aap jaise bade Writer jab appreciate karte hain toh bahut achchha lagta hai
Itne me hi bas mat karna, last year ki tarah aur bhi story aani chahiye ju ki
DesiPriyaRai
Active Reader
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विश्वास और इंतज़ार by Raj_sharma
Baarish ki ek subah, Shekhar ko apni purani pyaar Shikha ki yaad aati hai. 17 saal baad bhi uska dard taaza hai. College ke dinon ki yaadein, jahan Shekhar ne Shikha se pyaar kiya tha, lekin family ke pressure mein use chhod diya. Aaj Shekhar ek successful aadmi hai, par akela. Jab woh Shikha se milta hai, toh pata chalta hai ki woh cancer se jhujh rahi hai aur usne do orphan bacchiyon ko adopt kiya hai. Shikha ne kabhi shaadi nahi ki, kyunki uska dil bacchiyon ke liye future ke liye dhadakta raha. Ab Shekhar Shikha aur uski betiyon ki zimmedari leta hai, aur unhe woh zindagi dene ki koshish karta hai jiske woh haqdaar hain.
Emotions ko itni gehrayi se dikhaya gaya hai ki dil dhadak jaaye. Scenes ka description itna mast hai ki reader khud ko kahani mein kho deta hai. Pyaar, sacrifice aur regret ko itne acche se pesh kiya gaya hai ki dil bhar aata hai.
Baarish ki ek subah, Shekhar ko apni purani pyaar Shikha ki yaad aati hai. 17 saal baad bhi uska dard taaza hai. College ke dinon ki yaadein, jahan Shekhar ne Shikha se pyaar kiya tha, lekin family ke pressure mein use chhod diya. Aaj Shekhar ek successful aadmi hai, par akela. Jab woh Shikha se milta hai, toh pata chalta hai ki woh cancer se jhujh rahi hai aur usne do orphan bacchiyon ko adopt kiya hai. Shikha ne kabhi shaadi nahi ki, kyunki uska dil bacchiyon ke liye future ke liye dhadakta raha. Ab Shekhar Shikha aur uski betiyon ki zimmedari leta hai, aur unhe woh zindagi dene ki koshish karta hai jiske woh haqdaar hain.
Emotions ko itni gehrayi se dikhaya gaya hai ki dil dhadak jaaye. Scenes ka description itna mast hai ki reader khud ko kahani mein kho deta hai. Pyaar, sacrifice aur regret ko itne acche se pesh kiya gaya hai ki dil bhar aata hai.
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Thank you very much for your wonderful review DesiPriyaRai
Aap jaise dost sath hain to ye kahani kya hai, iss se aur bhi achhi kahani likhenge, waise aapko ye kahani pasand aai mere liye yahi badi baat hai
Mrxr
ᴇʏᴇꜱ ʀᴇᴠᴇᴀʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ
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Maaf karna devi ji sayad mujhse hi padhne me galti ho gai hai jo samajh nahi paya.
Riky007
उड़ते पंछी का ठिकाना, मेरा न कोई जहां...
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Story: अपशकुनी
Writer: avsji
Story Line: सामाजिक और पारिवारिक पृष्ठभूमि पर आधारित ये कहानी मनुष्य के बदलते स्वभाव को चित्रित करती है। लेखक ने इसके लिए एक पेड़ को मुख्य पात्र बनाते हुए एक परिवार की कहानी बनी है, हालांकि मेरे हिसाब से इस कहानी का मुख्य पात्र अम्मा जी हैं।
, और हर बात का एक समय होता है। ये दो बातें ही मुझे रूप से जीवन को चलाती हैं, जिसका भान मनुष्य को हमेशा रहना चाहिए।
मानव जीवन की गतिशीलता का भी अच्छे से वर्णन है इस कहानी में।
Treatment: लेखक तो वैसे ही अद्भुत हैं तो इस कहानी को उन्होंने अपने ही अंदाज में लिखा है जो सीधा पाठकों से कनेक्ट होता है। भाषाशैली हमेशा की तरह अदभुत है।
Positive points: कहानी की पृष्ठभूमि का समय आज की भाषा में।कहें तो तो मेलेनियल जनरेशन की है, और वो इस कहानी से बहुत अच्छे से कनेक्ट हो सकते हैं। परिवार का वर्णन, और उसमें हर कैरेक्टर की मानसिक अवस्था बहुत ही खूबी से दिखाई गई है।
Negative points: जैसा कि ये कहानी मेलेनियल जनरेशन की है तो gen z वाले इसे बोर समझेंगे। बाकी और कोई भी कमी नहीं दिखी मुझे।
Suggestion:
आपजैसे लेखक को मैं भला क्या ही सजेशन दूंगा।
Rating: 9.5/10
Writer: avsji
Story Line: सामाजिक और पारिवारिक पृष्ठभूमि पर आधारित ये कहानी मनुष्य के बदलते स्वभाव को चित्रित करती है। लेखक ने इसके लिए एक पेड़ को मुख्य पात्र बनाते हुए एक परिवार की कहानी बनी है, हालांकि मेरे हिसाब से इस कहानी का मुख्य पात्र अम्मा जी हैं।
पूरी कहानी इसी में समाहित है। मनुष्य की जैसे जैसे उम्र बढ़ती है, वैसे वैसे वो पुरातन सोच में कुछ न कुछ ढल जाता है, खास कर तब जब वो खाली दिमाग का हो जाता है, तब उसे अपने आस पास हो रहे घटनाओं, और टिप्पणियों से न सिर्फ फर्क पड़ने लगता है, बल्कि वो उन बातों को कहीं न कहीं से रिलेट भी करने लगता है। लेकिन हो सकता है कि वो अपने में सही हो, और ये भी हो सकता है कि शायद कुछ बातें संयोग हों। लेकिन जो भी हो, शगुन अपशगुन जैसा कुछ नहीं होता। हां कुछ चीजें संयोगवश जरूर होती हैं
, और हर बात का एक समय होता है। ये दो बातें ही मुझे रूप से जीवन को चलाती हैं, जिसका भान मनुष्य को हमेशा रहना चाहिए।
मानव जीवन की गतिशीलता का भी अच्छे से वर्णन है इस कहानी में।
Treatment: लेखक तो वैसे ही अद्भुत हैं तो इस कहानी को उन्होंने अपने ही अंदाज में लिखा है जो सीधा पाठकों से कनेक्ट होता है। भाषाशैली हमेशा की तरह अदभुत है।
Positive points: कहानी की पृष्ठभूमि का समय आज की भाषा में।कहें तो तो मेलेनियल जनरेशन की है, और वो इस कहानी से बहुत अच्छे से कनेक्ट हो सकते हैं। परिवार का वर्णन, और उसमें हर कैरेक्टर की मानसिक अवस्था बहुत ही खूबी से दिखाई गई है।
Negative points: जैसा कि ये कहानी मेलेनियल जनरेशन की है तो gen z वाले इसे बोर समझेंगे। बाकी और कोई भी कमी नहीं दिखी मुझे।
Suggestion:
आपजैसे लेखक को मैं भला क्या ही सजेशन दूंगा।Rating: 9.5/10
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"Katl Ki Raat" by DEVIL MAXIMUM
Positive Points:
Kahani Ka Plot: Yeh ek suspense-thriller kahani hai jo shuru se lekar ant tak bandhe rakhti hai. Kashmir ke backdrop aur sard raat ka setting mood ko aur gehra karta hai. Ek accident se shuru hokar murder mystery tak jati kahani mein twists kaafi engaging hain.
Characters: Dhiraj, Sunita aur Ravi ke characters well developed hain. Har ek ka apna motive aur backstory hai jo kahani ko realistic banata hai. Dhiraj ka dual identity reveal climax mein ek strong point hai.
Suspense aur Twists: Kahani mein multiple twists hain jaise Dhiraj ka asli naam aur motive reveal hona. Yeh twists reader ko guess karte rahne dete hain jo ek acche thriller ke liye zaroori hai.
Dialogue: Dialogues natural aur situation ke hisab se likhe gaye hain jaise Sunita ka emotional outburst aur Dhiraj ka court mein confession. Yeh kahani ko aur impactful banate hain.
Negative Points:
Pace Mein Kami: Kahani ke kuch parts jaise police investigation aur baatein thodi slow lagte hain. Yeh suspense ko halka kar deta hai khaas kar beech mein jab details zyaada ho jati hain.
Over-Explanation: Kuch scenes mein explanations zyaada lagta hain jaise Dhiraj ka plan banane ka sequence ya court ka final confession. Thodi brevity kahani ko aur crisp bana sakta tha.
Predictability: Kai readers ke liye Dhiraj ka killer hona thoda predictable ho sakta hai kyunki uska character shuru se hi mysterious dikha hai.
Minor Plot Holes: Jaise Sunita ka itni jaldi Dhiraj par bharosa kar lena ya police ka itna late Ravi par shak karna thoda unnatural lagta hai.
Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai:
Ek acchi kahani mein suspense, strong characters aur unexpected twists hone chahiye jo is kahani mein hain. Setting aur atmosphere bhi bohot matter karta hai aur ismein Kashmir ka backdrop ek plus point hai. Dialogues aur emotions ka balance hona zaroori hai jo readers ko connect kare teh kahani ismein kaafi had tak kaamyab hai. Climax powerful hona chahiye aur yahan Dhiraj ka confession aur court ka decision satisfying hai.
Kya Bura Hai:
Kahani ka pacing uneven nahi hona chahiye. Yahan kuch parts zyaada stretched lagte hain. Zyaada explanations ya repetitive details se bachna chahiye kyunki yeh interest kam kar sakta hai. Characters ke decisions logical hone chahiye. Sunita ka Dhiraj par jaldi trust karna thoda weak point hai.
Wartani (Spelling) aur Rhythm:
Wartani ke mamle mein kahani saaf hai koi badi galti nahi dikhti jo padhne mein aasan hai. Rhythm shuru aur ant ka flow bohot accha hai lekin beech mein investigation ke scenes thodi der tak drag karte hain. Thoda tight editing isse aur behtar bana sakta tha.
Overall:
Ek engaging murder mystery jo suspense aur emotions ka accha mix hai. Thodi tight pacing aur kam explanations ke sath yeh aur badhiya ho sakti thi lekin twists aur characters isse ek yaadgaar kahani banate hain. Medium length ke hisab se yeh kahani entertaining hai aur thriller fans ke liye best hain.
Positive Points:
Kahani Ka Plot: Yeh ek suspense-thriller kahani hai jo shuru se lekar ant tak bandhe rakhti hai. Kashmir ke backdrop aur sard raat ka setting mood ko aur gehra karta hai. Ek accident se shuru hokar murder mystery tak jati kahani mein twists kaafi engaging hain.
Characters: Dhiraj, Sunita aur Ravi ke characters well developed hain. Har ek ka apna motive aur backstory hai jo kahani ko realistic banata hai. Dhiraj ka dual identity reveal climax mein ek strong point hai.
Suspense aur Twists: Kahani mein multiple twists hain jaise Dhiraj ka asli naam aur motive reveal hona. Yeh twists reader ko guess karte rahne dete hain jo ek acche thriller ke liye zaroori hai.
Dialogue: Dialogues natural aur situation ke hisab se likhe gaye hain jaise Sunita ka emotional outburst aur Dhiraj ka court mein confession. Yeh kahani ko aur impactful banate hain.
Negative Points:
Pace Mein Kami: Kahani ke kuch parts jaise police investigation aur baatein thodi slow lagte hain. Yeh suspense ko halka kar deta hai khaas kar beech mein jab details zyaada ho jati hain.
Over-Explanation: Kuch scenes mein explanations zyaada lagta hain jaise Dhiraj ka plan banane ka sequence ya court ka final confession. Thodi brevity kahani ko aur crisp bana sakta tha.
Predictability: Kai readers ke liye Dhiraj ka killer hona thoda predictable ho sakta hai kyunki uska character shuru se hi mysterious dikha hai.
Minor Plot Holes: Jaise Sunita ka itni jaldi Dhiraj par bharosa kar lena ya police ka itna late Ravi par shak karna thoda unnatural lagta hai.
Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai:
Ek acchi kahani mein suspense, strong characters aur unexpected twists hone chahiye jo is kahani mein hain. Setting aur atmosphere bhi bohot matter karta hai aur ismein Kashmir ka backdrop ek plus point hai. Dialogues aur emotions ka balance hona zaroori hai jo readers ko connect kare teh kahani ismein kaafi had tak kaamyab hai. Climax powerful hona chahiye aur yahan Dhiraj ka confession aur court ka decision satisfying hai.
Kya Bura Hai:
Kahani ka pacing uneven nahi hona chahiye. Yahan kuch parts zyaada stretched lagte hain. Zyaada explanations ya repetitive details se bachna chahiye kyunki yeh interest kam kar sakta hai. Characters ke decisions logical hone chahiye. Sunita ka Dhiraj par jaldi trust karna thoda weak point hai.
Wartani (Spelling) aur Rhythm:
Wartani ke mamle mein kahani saaf hai koi badi galti nahi dikhti jo padhne mein aasan hai. Rhythm shuru aur ant ka flow bohot accha hai lekin beech mein investigation ke scenes thodi der tak drag karte hain. Thoda tight editing isse aur behtar bana sakta tha.
Overall:
Ek engaging murder mystery jo suspense aur emotions ka accha mix hai. Thodi tight pacing aur kam explanations ke sath yeh aur badhiya ho sakti thi lekin twists aur characters isse ek yaadgaar kahani banate hain. Medium length ke hisab se yeh kahani entertaining hai aur thriller fans ke liye best hain.
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"Mom’s Payal" by PowerGirl
Positive Points:
▪︎ Emotional Connect: Kahani ka shuruati hissa Sapna aur uske bete Raj ke beech ke rishte ko achhe se dikhata hai. Ek single mother ki chinta aur uske bete ke saath connection dil ko chhuta hai.
▪︎ Dialogue-Driven: Raj aur Sapna ke beech ke baatein natural aur engaging hain. Payal se shuru hokar baat dheere-dheere personal hoti hai jo kahani ko aage badhata hai.
▪︎ Character Depth: Sapna ka character ek single mother ke struggle aur uski feelings ko dikhata hai jo relatable hai. Raj ka curious aur bold nature bhi kahani mein ek spark add karta hai.
▪︎ Atmosphere: Ghar ka setting aur dono ke beech ka intimate conversation ek cozy vibe banata hai jo kahani ko aur dilchasp karta hai.
Negative Points:
▪︎ Uncomfortable Progression: Kahani ka tone shuru mein light aur emotional hota hai lekin baad mein mother-son dynamic ka intimate aur sexual turn thoda unsettling aur unnatural lagta hai. Yeh ek bada drawback hai kyunki yeh rishte ke boundaries ko cross karta hai.
▪︎ Pace Issues: Kahani ke kuch parts khaas kar jab baat payal se harkaton tak jati hai bohot jaldi badalte hain jo thoda forced feel hota hai. Thodi gradual build-up behtar hota.
▪︎ Lack of Resolution: Kahani ke ant mein koi clear closure nahi hai. Sapna aur Raj ke actions ke consequences ya emotional impact par dhyan nahi diya gaya jo kahani ko incomplete feel karata hai.
▪︎ Moral Ambiguity: Kahani ka subject matter sensitive hai aur iska presentation kuch readers ke liye acceptable nahi hoga khaas kar bina kisi moral ya emotional context ke.
Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai:
▪︎ Ek acchi kahani mein relatable characters aur unke beech ka emotional bond hona chahiye jo is kahani ke shuruati hisse mein hai.
▪︎ Dialogues natural aur engaging hone chahiye jo situation ke hisab se flow karein. Yeh kahani ismein kaafi had tak kaamyab hai.
▪︎ Kahani ka setting aur atmosphere aisa hona chahiye jo reader ko story mein khinch le, yahan ghar ka intimate vibe achha kaam karta hai.
Kya Bura Hai:
▪︎ Kahani ko sensitive topics ko carefully handle karna chahiye. Yahan mother-son dynamic ka turn moral aur emotional boundaries ko cross karta hai jo kahani ko weak karta hai.
▪︎ Pacing balanced honi chahiye. Yahan baat ekdum light se intense ho jati hai jo thoda jarring hai.
▪︎ Kahani ka ant satisfying hona chahiye jo yahan missing hai. Consequences ya emotional closure ki kami khalti hai.
Wartani (Spelling) Aur Rhythm:
▪︎ Wartani ke mamle mein kahani saaf hai koi badi galti nahi hai. English ka use simple aur consistent hai.
▪︎ Rhythm shuru mein smooth hai jab Sapna aur Raj ke baatein hoti hain lekin jaise hi kahani intimate turn leti hai flow thoda uneven ho jata hai kyunki transition natural nahi lagta. Thodi tight editing isse behtar bana sakta tha.
Overall:
Ek emotional aur dialogue-driven kahani hai jo shuru mein ek single mother aur uske bete ke rishte ko achhe se dikhati hai lekin iska sensitive aur controversial turn kahani ko unsettling aur incomplete banata hai. Thoda careful handling aur balanced pacing ke sath yeh aur impactful ho sakta tha.
Positive Points:
▪︎ Emotional Connect: Kahani ka shuruati hissa Sapna aur uske bete Raj ke beech ke rishte ko achhe se dikhata hai. Ek single mother ki chinta aur uske bete ke saath connection dil ko chhuta hai.
▪︎ Dialogue-Driven: Raj aur Sapna ke beech ke baatein natural aur engaging hain. Payal se shuru hokar baat dheere-dheere personal hoti hai jo kahani ko aage badhata hai.
▪︎ Character Depth: Sapna ka character ek single mother ke struggle aur uski feelings ko dikhata hai jo relatable hai. Raj ka curious aur bold nature bhi kahani mein ek spark add karta hai.
▪︎ Atmosphere: Ghar ka setting aur dono ke beech ka intimate conversation ek cozy vibe banata hai jo kahani ko aur dilchasp karta hai.
Negative Points:
▪︎ Uncomfortable Progression: Kahani ka tone shuru mein light aur emotional hota hai lekin baad mein mother-son dynamic ka intimate aur sexual turn thoda unsettling aur unnatural lagta hai. Yeh ek bada drawback hai kyunki yeh rishte ke boundaries ko cross karta hai.
▪︎ Pace Issues: Kahani ke kuch parts khaas kar jab baat payal se harkaton tak jati hai bohot jaldi badalte hain jo thoda forced feel hota hai. Thodi gradual build-up behtar hota.
▪︎ Lack of Resolution: Kahani ke ant mein koi clear closure nahi hai. Sapna aur Raj ke actions ke consequences ya emotional impact par dhyan nahi diya gaya jo kahani ko incomplete feel karata hai.
▪︎ Moral Ambiguity: Kahani ka subject matter sensitive hai aur iska presentation kuch readers ke liye acceptable nahi hoga khaas kar bina kisi moral ya emotional context ke.
Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai:
▪︎ Ek acchi kahani mein relatable characters aur unke beech ka emotional bond hona chahiye jo is kahani ke shuruati hisse mein hai.
▪︎ Dialogues natural aur engaging hone chahiye jo situation ke hisab se flow karein. Yeh kahani ismein kaafi had tak kaamyab hai.
▪︎ Kahani ka setting aur atmosphere aisa hona chahiye jo reader ko story mein khinch le, yahan ghar ka intimate vibe achha kaam karta hai.
Kya Bura Hai:
▪︎ Kahani ko sensitive topics ko carefully handle karna chahiye. Yahan mother-son dynamic ka turn moral aur emotional boundaries ko cross karta hai jo kahani ko weak karta hai.
▪︎ Pacing balanced honi chahiye. Yahan baat ekdum light se intense ho jati hai jo thoda jarring hai.
▪︎ Kahani ka ant satisfying hona chahiye jo yahan missing hai. Consequences ya emotional closure ki kami khalti hai.
Wartani (Spelling) Aur Rhythm:
▪︎ Wartani ke mamle mein kahani saaf hai koi badi galti nahi hai. English ka use simple aur consistent hai.
▪︎ Rhythm shuru mein smooth hai jab Sapna aur Raj ke baatein hoti hain lekin jaise hi kahani intimate turn leti hai flow thoda uneven ho jata hai kyunki transition natural nahi lagta. Thodi tight editing isse behtar bana sakta tha.
Overall:
Ek emotional aur dialogue-driven kahani hai jo shuru mein ek single mother aur uske bete ke rishte ko achhe se dikhati hai lekin iska sensitive aur controversial turn kahani ko unsettling aur incomplete banata hai. Thoda careful handling aur balanced pacing ke sath yeh aur impactful ho sakta tha.
Mrxr
ᴇʏᴇꜱ ʀᴇᴠᴇᴀʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ
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Story ek aise anjaan shaksh ki hai,jo 15 saal purane kiye gaye encounter me mare gaye logon ke sach ko bahar lane ke liye,khud ek serial killer ban jata hai.
Positive points
- Story me ek aisa sach dikhaya gaya hai,jo reality se juda hua hai.
- Story me ye bhi dekhne ko milta hai,ki koi apne faide ke liye kya kar sakta hai aur kis had tak ja sakta hai.
Negative points
- Story me armaan ne police job kis karan chhodi ye ek sawal rah gaya.
- Killer ka na milna,ye thoda ajeeb feeling deta hai,ki usne jis irade se kiya sahi kiya lekin usne jo kiya wo galat kiya jiske liye wo saza ka haqdar tha.
- Us 15 saal purane encounter me mare gaye logon ko kyon mara gaya aur unse kya faida hua ye sawal rahta hai.
- Nishtha ki jaan ko khatra hai ye pata hote hue bhi koi protection nahi liya ,ye ajeeb laga thoda
Mistakes
Story me words spellings ki na ke barabar galtiyan hai,kuch scenes ko thoda short kiya ja sakta tha,jaise....armaan ka nistha pe sak karna.....
Story suspense se bhari hai,jo reading me ek feel deti hai aur bahut hi safai se likhi gai hai,
Rating ; 7/10
Last edited:
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"Apshaguni" by avsji
Positive Points:
▪︎ Prakriti aur Parivar ka Bandhan: Kahani mein amrud ke ped ke zariye prakriti aur parivar ke rishte ko sundar dhang se dikhaya gaya hai. Ped ka badhna aur parivar ke sadasyon ka usse judna ek gahra emotional connect banata hai.
▪︎ Characters ki Gahraai: Gillu, Amma aur narrator ke characters bohot realistic hain. Amma ka andhvishwas mein doobna aur Gillu ka vidrohi swar kahani ko aur gehra karta hai.
▪︎ Pratikatmakta (Symbolism): Amrud ka ped ek pratik ke roop mein kaam karta hai jo parivar ke vikas aur badlav ko darshata hai. Iske katne ka dard aur Gillu ka bij bone ka vidroh kahani ko ek hopeful end deta hai.
▪︎ Bhasha aur Varnan: Kahani ki bhasha saral lekin prabhavshali hai. Prakriti ke varnan aur parivarik dynamics ko dikhane mein writer kaamyaab raha hai.
Negative Points:
▪︎ Pace mein Kami: Kahani ke kuch hisse jaise Amma ke badlav ka varnan thoda repetitive aur stretched lagta hai jo flow ko thodi der ke liye rok deta hai.
▪︎ Amma ka Badlav Thoda Forced: Amma ka ek modern soch wali mahila se andhvishwasi ban jana thoda jaldi aur bina kafi context ke dikhaya gaya jo thoda kami lagti hai.
▪︎ Closure ki Kami: Kahani hopeful note par khatam hoti hai lekin Amma ke andhvishwas ka poora resolution nahi milta jo thoda unsatisfying lag sakta hai.
▪︎ Zyaada Subplots: Bhaiyon aur bhabhiyon ke subplots kahani mein hai lekin unka poora istemaal nahi hota jo thoda distraction paida karta hai.
Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai:
▪︎ Ek acchi kahani mein emotional depth aur relatable characters hone chahiye jo yahan amrud ke ped aur Gillu ke zariye milta hai.
▪︎ Pratikatmakta ka istemal kahani ko gehra karta hai aur yahan ped ek strong symbol hai.
▪︎ Bhasha saral lekin dil ko chhune wali honi chahiye jo readers ko jode rakhe. Yeh kahani ismein kaafi had tak safal hai.
Kya Bura Hai:
▪︎ Pacing balanced honi chahiye yahan beech mein kuch parts slow lagte hain.
▪︎ Characters ke badlav logical aur gradual hone chahiye. Amma ka sudden badlav thoda unnatural lagta hai.
▪︎ Subplots ko ya to poora explore karna chahiye ya kam rakhna chahiye taaki main kahani se focus na hate.
Wartani (Spelling) Aur Rhythm:
▪︎ Wartani ke mamle mein kahani saaf hai koi badi galti nahi dikhti aur padhne mein aasan hai.
▪︎ Rhythm shuru mein aur ant mein bohot achha hai lekin beech mein Amma ke varnan aur parivarik tension ke scenes thodi der tak drag karte hain. Thodi tight editing isse aur behtar bana sakti thi.
Overall:
Dilchasp aur emotional kahani hai jo prakriti, parivar aur andhvishwas ke mudde ko sundar dhang se uthati hai. Amrud ka ped ek powerful symbol hai jo kahani ko yaadgaar banata hai. Thodi si tight pacing aur Amma ke badlav ka better explanation isse aur badhiya bana sakta tha. Prabhavshali kahani hai jo sochne par majboor karti hai.
Positive Points:
▪︎ Prakriti aur Parivar ka Bandhan: Kahani mein amrud ke ped ke zariye prakriti aur parivar ke rishte ko sundar dhang se dikhaya gaya hai. Ped ka badhna aur parivar ke sadasyon ka usse judna ek gahra emotional connect banata hai.
▪︎ Characters ki Gahraai: Gillu, Amma aur narrator ke characters bohot realistic hain. Amma ka andhvishwas mein doobna aur Gillu ka vidrohi swar kahani ko aur gehra karta hai.
▪︎ Pratikatmakta (Symbolism): Amrud ka ped ek pratik ke roop mein kaam karta hai jo parivar ke vikas aur badlav ko darshata hai. Iske katne ka dard aur Gillu ka bij bone ka vidroh kahani ko ek hopeful end deta hai.
▪︎ Bhasha aur Varnan: Kahani ki bhasha saral lekin prabhavshali hai. Prakriti ke varnan aur parivarik dynamics ko dikhane mein writer kaamyaab raha hai.
Negative Points:
▪︎ Pace mein Kami: Kahani ke kuch hisse jaise Amma ke badlav ka varnan thoda repetitive aur stretched lagta hai jo flow ko thodi der ke liye rok deta hai.
▪︎ Amma ka Badlav Thoda Forced: Amma ka ek modern soch wali mahila se andhvishwasi ban jana thoda jaldi aur bina kafi context ke dikhaya gaya jo thoda kami lagti hai.
▪︎ Closure ki Kami: Kahani hopeful note par khatam hoti hai lekin Amma ke andhvishwas ka poora resolution nahi milta jo thoda unsatisfying lag sakta hai.
▪︎ Zyaada Subplots: Bhaiyon aur bhabhiyon ke subplots kahani mein hai lekin unka poora istemaal nahi hota jo thoda distraction paida karta hai.
Ek Acchi Kahani Ke Liye Kya Accha Hai:
▪︎ Ek acchi kahani mein emotional depth aur relatable characters hone chahiye jo yahan amrud ke ped aur Gillu ke zariye milta hai.
▪︎ Pratikatmakta ka istemal kahani ko gehra karta hai aur yahan ped ek strong symbol hai.
▪︎ Bhasha saral lekin dil ko chhune wali honi chahiye jo readers ko jode rakhe. Yeh kahani ismein kaafi had tak safal hai.
Kya Bura Hai:
▪︎ Pacing balanced honi chahiye yahan beech mein kuch parts slow lagte hain.
▪︎ Characters ke badlav logical aur gradual hone chahiye. Amma ka sudden badlav thoda unnatural lagta hai.
▪︎ Subplots ko ya to poora explore karna chahiye ya kam rakhna chahiye taaki main kahani se focus na hate.
Wartani (Spelling) Aur Rhythm:
▪︎ Wartani ke mamle mein kahani saaf hai koi badi galti nahi dikhti aur padhne mein aasan hai.
▪︎ Rhythm shuru mein aur ant mein bohot achha hai lekin beech mein Amma ke varnan aur parivarik tension ke scenes thodi der tak drag karte hain. Thodi tight editing isse aur behtar bana sakti thi.
Overall:
Dilchasp aur emotional kahani hai jo prakriti, parivar aur andhvishwas ke mudde ko sundar dhang se uthati hai. Amrud ka ped ek powerful symbol hai jo kahani ko yaadgaar banata hai. Thodi si tight pacing aur Amma ke badlav ka better explanation isse aur badhiya bana sakta tha. Prabhavshali kahani hai jo sochne par majboor karti hai.