Meri bhi life esi hi haiUpdate 37
“Varun ko jante ho…”
“Va…va…Varun….Varun , koyi maal hai kya…”
“hadd hai…”
“kya hadd hai…”apni aankhe thodi kholkar Varun ke bade bhai ne puchha…jiske jawab me maine kuch nahi kaha….jiske baad Varun ke bhaiya ne phhir apni aankhe band kar li aur aankh band kiye hue hee bole…
“tum gaanja peete ho kya…”
“nahi…”maine jawab diya….itne me nibbo pani lekar Varun bhi aa gaya….maine ishare se Varun ko cool rahne ke liye kaha aur nibbo pani ka glass Varun ke bhaiya ko thamate hue bola…..
“lo, pahle peg maro…phhir baat karte hai…”
“nahi…bas ho gaya…ab mujhe suicide karne jana hai…tang aa gaya hoon main is duniya se…”
“suicide…great idea…lekin uske pahle golden peg toh marte jao…”
“thik hai…”bolte hue Varun ke bhaiya ne nibbo pani ka glass uthaya aur ek saans me pura glass khali kar diya….
“ye toh nibbo pani hai be lawde….jo tune mujhe daru bolkar pila diya…”gusse se mera collar pakadkar unhone kaha…
“jis tarah ye nibbo pani hai…daru nahi, usi tarah Varun aapka bhai hai…maal nahi…”apne collar se Varun ke bhaiya ka hath hatakar maine kaha.. “Varun bhaiya…I mean…Varun ke bhaiya , kya ho gaya hai aap ko…aap toh ekdum hoshiyar ,tez tarrar ladke the…phhir Engineering ne aapke DNA par aisa kya effect dala jo ab aap aise ho gaye…”
“Engineering…BC….puri life barbaad kar di engineering ne meri…tumhe pata hai ek samay main padhne me bahut hoshiyar tha, lekin phhir maine Engineering karne ki galti ki…jiske baad sab kuch badal gaya. main hindi medium ka student tha…isliye shuru-shuru me mujhe problem hui…sabse jyada dimag khaya Physics ne…kya BC ,sodium light se aand-gand experiments karke puri process yaad karna padta tha. lab tha , lekin waha kiye gaye experiments BC kisliye the aaj tak samajh nahi aaya. jitna manhoos subject tha us-se kayi jyada manhoos is subject ka teacher tha. use dekhkar hee padhne-likhne ka mood nahi hota tha…aur mere pure syllabus me ek bhi aisa interesting chapter nahi tha, jisko padhne ka mann kare. Pata nahi kis haramkhor ne syllabus set kiya tha, uski maa ka alpha, beta….main tumhe topics batata hoon…topics kuch aise the… the Fringe phenomenon…Polarisation….Carnot cycle…otto cycle…lund cycle…choot cycle. ye sab kya hai lawda…mujhe toh name sun ke hee ulti hoti hai … college me Physics padhne se acha hota ki main suicide kar leta aur…aur Mere khayal se wo jyada better rahta… Physics ne meri haalat aise kar di thi ki main jo kuch bhi padhta…wo sab dimag ke andar toh jata tha lekin kabhi bahar nahi aaya….na class me aur na hee examps me…sirf padhte jao…padhte jao…apni gaand marwate jao…”
“aapka dimag black hole ban gaya tha kya, jisme sirf incoming thi aur outgoing bilkul band thi….”
“ jiska nateeza first semester back….second semester back….ispar se job ki tension alag….kyunki main Engineering college me jaane ke kuch din baad hee ye jaan gaya tha ki…jobs ki kya conditions hai. Upar se main tha Government college me aur College walo ko toh jaise humare future ki koyi fikar hee nahi thi….unhe kya fark padne wala tha ki students padhe ya na padhe…unhe toh barabar salary mil rahi thi…kya tum yakin karoge ki 60 saal purine Government college me mere hod ko chhodkar koyi permanent faculty nahi tha...uspar bhi guest teacher aise the ki un maa ke lawdo se ek question bhi koyi puchh le toh unki dayi-mayi chud jati thi…aur sectional ki dhamki dekar wo students ko class attend karne ke liye mazboor kar dete the…ispar bhi yadi koyi placement company college ke name ki vazah se galti se humare college me aa bhi jati thi toh BC college wale unki koyi kadra nahi karte the…Private college walo ki tarah humare college walo ko bhi chahiye ki unke chay paani ka intezam kare..lekin nahi, college walo ka toh apna hee randi rona tha…bolte the ki iska fund kaha se aayega…sale dalle…madarchod… wo log college ke peon ko placement walo ke paas bhej dete the…ab bhai, placement walo ki bhi koyi izzat hai. Wo waha bheekh magne toh aaye nahi hai..jo tum unke sath aisa bartaav karo…isliye jo bhi company humare college me ek baar aati…next year se wo humare college ki taraf dekh kar thookti bhi nahi thi…yani ki next year se companies ne aana band kar diya…idhar dusari taraf mere back pe back lagte gaye….tension me college jana to door ki baat maine 4th semester ke exam tak nahi diye….mujhe itna stress tha ki main fifth semester me hee suicide kar leta yadi meri life me Anjana nahi aayi hoti toh…pahle wo meri friend bani aur phhir mere dil ki dhadkan…uski vazah se maine 5th sem se college aana shuru kiya aur phhir dheere-dheere padhayi me mera interest badha….tab mujhe samajh aaya ki mujhse kitni badi galti ho gayi hai…maine apni zindagi ke aham do saal yun hee in madarchodo ke karan tension me barbaad kar diye the….lekin phhir bhi maine haar nahi mani aur Anjana ke sath-sath padhayi me bhi interest lene laga….jiski vazah se 7th sem tak mere sirf do hee back the…lekin BC us 8th semester ne mere growth rate ko wapas neeche dhakel diya….”
“nice… aisa kya hua tha 8th Semester me…”side me rakha Varun ke bhaiya ka peg chupke se uthakar marte hue maine beech me pucha….
“8th Semester me…8th semester me mujhe pata chala ki Anjana kisi aur launde se set hai…mujhse toh sirf wo pyar ka natak kar rahi thi aur mere pahle bhi usne college me do-teen ke sath yahi kiya tha….maine kya-kya nahi kiya tha uske liye…raat-raat bhar jagkar uske bare me socha karta tha…raat-raat bhar jaagkar use kaise hasau sirf yahi socha karta tha…raat-raat bhar jaagkar uske liye ppt taiyar kiya karta tha… uske liye notes ki photo copy karata tha… lekin jab mujhe pata chala ki Anjana mujhse nahi kisi aur se pyar karti hai toh…maine use kuch nahi kaha , na toh us-se kuch pucha aur na hee us-se koyi baat ki…din bhar main sirf apne room me rahta…Anjana ke bare me sochta…uske sath bitaye waqt ko yaad karke rota…Anjana ke bina bitaya har ek din sadiyo ke barabar lagta tha…tab mujhe samajh aaya ki pyar me aadmi sirf andha hee nahi balki chodu bhi ban jata hai..”
“ek din…ek sadi ke barabar…yani ki theory of relativity..”ek aur peg chupke se marte hue maine kaha
“maine bahut koshish ki Anjana ki mohabbat ko nafrat me badalne ki…lekin main aisa nahi kar paya…main Anjana se jitni nafrat karne ki koshish karta us-se mujhe utna hee adhik pyar ho raha tha aur jab wo mere sath nahi thi toh ye pyar din ba din aur tezi ke sath badhte ja raha tha…8th semester ke ant me mujhe laga ki main pagal ho jaunga…jis-se bachnne ka sirf ek hee rasta tha…suicide…maine suicide karne ki koshish bhi ki…maine ek din decide kiya ki main train ke samne aakar Anjana se…Engineering se…aur is duniya se hamesha ke liye muqt ho jaunga…isliye maine train ke saamne koodne ka decision liya…lekin aain waqt par na jaane mere dost kaha se aa gaye aur unhone mujhe bacha liya….”bolte-bolte Varun ke bhai ne pause mara aur phhir thodi der baad phhir se bolna chalu kiya“tumhe pata hai is duniya ka sabse lachar vyakti kaun hai…? Is duniya ka sabse lachar vyakti wo hai jo is duniya se ,is duniya ke logo se nirash hokar marna chahta hai lekin wo mar nahi pata…aur use bachane wala koyi aur nahi balki isi duniya ke wo log hote hai…jinse wo beinteha nafrat karta hai….mera matlab…us shaks se jyada lachar aur kaun ho sakta hai…jo marna toh chahe lekin mar na paye…aura b main bahut depression me hoon…mujhe ab na toh kisi chiz ki koyi chah hai aur na hee kisi se milne ki ichchha aur na hee kuch karne ka junoon mere andar bacha hai… par kabhi-kabhi main sochta hoon ki life kitni haseen hoti yadi Anjana mere sath hoti…tab shayad mere 8th semester ka ant aise na hota aur na hee main aisa hota…lekin mera dil tab aur bhi jyada dukhta hai jab mere gharwale meri halat par gaur nahi karte…unhe toh bas laakho kamane wala beta chahiye…mere sare dost meri situation ko samajhte hai…aas-paas ke sabhi log mera hausla badhate hai…lekin is mushqil waqt me mere pariwar wale jinki mujhe sakht zaroorat hai wahi mujhse khafa hai…kya mere gharwalo ko mahsoos nahi hota…wo dard jo main jhel raha hoon…kya unhe meri halat dikhayi nahi deti…ya phhir wo sab kuch jaan kar bhi aisa bartaav kar rahe hai…yadi aisa hai toh phhir mere yaha rahne ka kya fayda…mujhe toh mar jaana chahiye. isiliye aaj main suicide karunga…aksar mere man me ye khayal aata hai ki bhagwan kyun mujhe wo sab kuch nahi de deta jo main chahta hoon…jise paane ke liye maine mehnat ki…phhir main un logo ko dekhta hoon jinke paas wo hai aur tab main samajh jata hoon wo log…wo chize jinhe main pana chahta tha…wo mere layak hee nahi hai…”
“aisa nahi hai bade bhaiya…ye sab hota hai…sabke sath toh nahi par…hota hai.”
“lekin main khud ko kaise samjhaun ki mere gharwale hee mere khilaf hai…wo samajh hee nahi rahe meri situation ko…jabki unke aalawa har koyi turant meri situation samajh jata hai….”
“aapke gharwalo ke aalawa baki sab aapki situation samajh jate hai kyunki unhone aap me apna paisa aur samay invest nahi kiya…aap ek kaam kariye…aap apne dost ya un logo ke paas jayiye jo aapse sahanubhuti dikhate hai aur unse wo sab karne ko kahiye jo aapke maa-baap ne aapke liye kiya hai…phhir aap boliye unki us sari mehnat ko aapne college me sirf ek ladki ke chakkar me barbaad kar diya aur phhir unka reaction dekhiye…kya hoga ? abki baar unka reaction sahanubhuti wala nahi balki pichhwade me laat marne wala hoga…ye jo aapke dost hai ya phhir aapse free ki sahanubhuti dikhane wale log hai…unhone aapke liye wo sab kuch nahi kiya…jo aapke ma baap ne kiya hai…isliye in tuchche logo se apne ma-baap ki tulna mat kijiye…..aap ghar jao…competitive exams ki taiyari karo aur exam clear karke apni life track par le aao…this is the best you can do…baki aap jaha suicide karne jaane wale ho…waha aaj police ki patrolling chal rahi hai…isliye aaj suicide karne mat jana, warna khamkha police case banega…. aur…”
Gf ne gand Mari family walo ne tane dipression me suicide karna chaha dar se kar nhi paya
esa lag raha hai meri life ghum rahi ho bc black white parde par be rang beswad i just hate everyone
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