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Cafe ki kone ki table par baitha, main apne saamne maujood logon ko gaur se dekh raha tha... chaaro taraf ghoom fir kar meri nazar wapas se apne saamne baithi meri dost par padi.. Akansha Rathod, also known as "Akki" bilkul Akshay Kumar ki tarah... IIT Bombay ke canteen me hui hamari mulaakaat, aaj 8 saal baad bhi dosti ki roop me kaayam hai.. Ham sirf dost hain, sayad isliye bhi ye rishta aaj tak bana hua hai.. Waise bhi Akki ko girlfriend.. ewwwww.. khayal hi bahut bura hai..
Maine use ghoor kar dekha, jo saamne table par padi ek plate french fry par tooti padi thi.. bagal ki plate me pada hua burger apni baari ka intezaar kar raha tha..
"Abe kitna khaayegi.. Bhains hoti jaa rahi hai.."
"Chal be.. har do hafte me ek hi din to milta hai tere paise udaane ka.. Tu hi is cafe me lekar aaya hai.. ab mere khaane par najar mat laga.."
"Achha mujhe tujhe kuchh dikhana hai.." usne meri taraf ek najar maara or wapas se apni plate par dhyaan laga diya.. maine use najarandaaz kar apni table ke nichhe rakhi meri bag me se ek silver rang ke cube aakar ka ek khas device nikala or table par rakha..
"Ye kya hai? " Usne jhat se use chhute hue kaha..
"Abee Chhoo mat! "
"Kyaaa? To tu mujhe ye dikha kyun raha hai jab main use chhoo hi nahi sakti? Mujhe to chhuna pasand hai.." Usne apne natkhat andaaj me kaha..
Abhi aage main kuch bol hi paata ki Cafe ki waitress hamare paas a gayi..
"Aap log kuch oor lenge? "
"No Thanks! " maine jhat se jawab diya or apni us device ko apni oor khinchte hue ek kone me rakh liya.. Mujhe poora andaaza hua ki Aakansha meri is harkat par meri oor ghoor rahi thi.. Halanki, usne wapas se mujhe ignore kar waitress ki oor apna dhyaan kiya..
"One more big plate of french fries, please! " Uske order ke saath hi waitress jaa chuki thi.. or Aakansha ne wapas se meri taraf apni najrein ki..
"Wo kaun sa tera ye khufiya hathiyaar chura kar le jaa rahi thi, jo tu ise chhupa raha tha? Ab to tune meri curiosity badha di hai.. ab to mujhe ise chhuna hi hai.." Usne jhat se mere haath se us device ko khich liya..
"Akkii... Tu uspar ketchup laga rahi hai.. tere haath gande hain.."
"Kahan laga hai ketchup? " usne device ko ulat palat kar dekha or..
"Abe use ab chaat mat.. Ye le napkin se poonch de,," maine use napkin thamaate hue chaatne se roka..
"Achha chal ab bata ye device karta kya hai? "
"Tujhe samajh nahi aayega.."
"Mujhe kya kya samajh aata hai, ye jaan kar tera ye chhota sa dimaag fat jayega.. chal bataa.."
"Achha thk hai to sun.."
Maine us device ko uski haathon se liya or apna dhyaan uspar lagaate hue Akki ko iske baare me batana shuru kiya..
"Ye ek tarah ka non-linear, existential reformation remote hai.. Actually, ye karta kya hai ki ye apne aas paas ek fixed point fragmentation bana deta hai.. aisa karne ke liye yah meta-materials banata hai or fir sabhi meta-materials ek saath milkar nano columns banaate hain.. Uske baad nano columns hamari space time me ek anchor point bana dete hain.. Ye ek tarah se Minkowsi’s model of space time hai.. jo actually me Einsteins theory of Special Relativity ko bhi prove karta hai.. iske saath saath................... Ye kahan gayi? "
Apni device ki explanation dete hue jaise hi maine apni najar upar ki or kiya, Aakansha apni seat se gayab thi.. Maine apni najar cafe ke sabhi kono me daudaayi, lekin mujhe wah kahin najar nahi aayi.. Kuch ekaadh minute gujare hi honge ki tabhi mujhe wo washroom ki taraf se aati hui dikhi..
"Sorry.. Jor ki lagi thi.. Haan tu kuchh bata raha tha.."
"Nahi main to bas aise hi bak-bak kar raha tha..."
"Abee.. to samajh aane waali bhasa me bata na.." maine use ek baar ghoor ke dekha or fir kaha,
"Ye laal button is par dekh rahi hai? Ise dabaane ke saath hi ek save point create ho jaata hai, or mere marne ke baad main wapas is save point ki time par aa sakta hun.."
"Kyaaaa... tere marne ke baad kya?
"Aree matlab.. tu ise ek computer game ki tarah soch le.. Jaise hum usmen apna game save karte hain taki wapas se wahin se khel sake usi tarah ye bhi meri Jindagi ka ek save point banata hai.. Yaa fir tu ise ek tarah se Ctrl+Z yaani Undo button samajh le.. Jise daba kar main apni life ki mistakes sudhaar sakta hun.. "
"Meri samajh me bilkul bhi nahi aa raha ki tu bol kya raha hai.." Usne wapas se apne muh me burger thooste hue kaha..
"Mujhe ise karke tujhe dikhaana padega..." Ye kahte hue maine apni device ka red button daba diya or apni table ke niche rakhi bag se kuch nikaalne ke liye jhukaa.. Mujhe apne upar ek aawaj sunaai di..
"Two Cups of coffee please!" Jab tak wah order dene ke baad counter ki taraf se apna dhyaan meri oor karti maine apne haathon me li hui tej dhaar ki chaaku apne sine me ghusa di...
"Fuckkkk! OH MY GOD! ye kya kiya tuneee...."
"Abbee.... Ismen itna time kyun lag raha hai.." Apne dard ko kaabu me karte hue maine kaha.. Meri aankhein ab band hone lagi.. maine bas itna dekha ki cafe me baithe sabhi log hamari table ki oor aa gaye the.. or Akansha ki aakhiri aawaj mere kaanon me gunji..
"Maine kuch nahi kiya.. Maine kuch nahi kiya! "
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"Iske baad sab kuch wapas se aise chalne lagta hai.. Jaise kuch hua hi naa ho.."
"Lekin kuch hua kahan? " Usne mujhe sawaaliya nazar se dekha..
"Maine abhi abhi apne seene me Chaaku ghusaa kar khud ko maar diya tha.."
"Two Cups of coffee please! Usne order kiya or wapas se meri taraf mudi or boli..
"Fir se kar ke dikha.. "
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"TADAAA..... Ye le... kar diya.. "
"Par mujhe kahan kuchh dikhayi diya.."
"Oh no! main to bhool hi gaya, Agar ye TImeline mera hai to tujhe kaise kuch pata chalega.. Tujhe bhi baaki duniya ki tarah kuch pata nahi chalega.. Jab Maine button dabaya uske pahle kya hua ye ham dono ko pata rahega lekin button dabaane ke baad ki chije sirf mujhe.."
"Achha or main teri baat maan loon, ki tune apne sine me chaaku ghusaya or teri is device ki wajah se tu wapas aa gaya.. Waah.. Waah.. Daaru maar kar aaya hai kya?"
"Achha ruk.. Udhar dekh wahan us table par takla aadmi baitha hai, abhi thodi der me uske upar wo waitress galti se coffee giraayegi or wo chilaayega "Abee kaam bhi dhang se nahi kar sakte kya tum log".. iske saath hi usi samay baahar road par ek ambulance siren ki aawaj ke saath gujregi.."
Kuch minute biteee or meri kahi baat sach hote hi usne avishwaas bhari najron se meri oor dekha or lagbhag cheekh hi padi...
"WHAT the fuckkkkkkk..."
"Abe dheere bol...... Pagal hai kya..."
"Tujhe ye sab kaise pata chala? Iska matlab tu yahan pahle aa chuka hai?" Wo ghabrahat ke saath teeji se saans lete hue boli..
"Haan main yahan pahle aa chuka hu.." maine use shant bhaav se jawab diya taki wah bhi thodi shaant ho sake..
"Meri saans phool rahi hai..." usne teji se haanfte hue kaha.. or apni left pocket me kuch tatolne lagi..
"Tera asthma jor ho gaya hai.. Right pocket me hai tera inhaler..." Maine jaldi se usse kaha
Mere is jawab par usne doosri pocket me haath daala or fir mujhe khaa jaane waali najron se ghoora..
"Tu mujhe or jyada dara raha hai.. Band kar apna ye future gyaan... Mujhe ye sab kuch thik nahi lag raha.." Uski is baat ke baad maine uska haath pakad kar use shaant karne ki koshish ki..
"Mujhe pata hai in sab baaton ko itni aasani se pacha paana thoda mushkil hai.. Lekin tu to sab kuch pacha jaati hai.." Uske plate me padi aadhi burger ki oor ishaara karte hue maine use hasaane ko koshish ki..
"Is device ko tune banaaya hai?"
"Haan!"
"Kin si chijon se bana hai ye? "
"Wahi idhar udhar ki kuch chijen.. kuch GATE circuit, soda stream, gameboy printer, thoda sa Plutonium.. "
"WHAT THE FUCKKK.. PLUTONIUM? Tune ismen Plutonium daala hai..?" Usne wapas se teji se saans lete hue apni phoolti hui aawaaj me gusse se ghoorte hue puchha
"Aree yaar.. Ab jaise ande ke bina omelette nahi ban sakta.. bina Nuclear Material ke TIme altering machine kaise ban sakta hai? "
"Oor main ise chaat rahi thi..... YUCCCKKKKK! "
"Ye bilkul safe hai.. matlab mere khayaal se bilkul safe hai.."
"Tere khayaal se? Waah! Kitni tassalli dene waali baat hai... tere khayaal se!"
Thode samay hamare beech shaanti rahi, wah kabhi mujhe ghoorti or kabhi meri device ko.. is kuch pal ki shaanti ne use bhi shaant kar diya..
"Ye bilkul pagal bana dene waali chij hai.."
"Haan mujhe pata hai.." Uski shaant lahje me kahi baat ka maine jawab diya.
"Iska matlab tu mar kar wapas se zinda hua hai? "
"Haan... ekaadh baar...." maine usse najrein churaate hue kaha or table pe padi fries ki plate apni oor khinchi..
"Kaisa lagta hai marna? "
"Jyada kuch nahi.. bas dard jhelna hota hai or uske baad kuch nahi.. main wapas aa jaata hun.... Ketchup ki bottle mujhe de.."
"Ye kamaal ki device hai yaar, Mohit... Isse ham kai shaandaar chije kar sakte hain.. Kya ham isse poori tarah se pichhe ke time me jaa sakte hain? mera matlab jaise dinosaurs ke time ya Hitler ke time, hamlog Hitler ko maar kar World War hone se rok sakte hain.."
"Main jab samjha raha tha tab to tune suna nahi.. Abbbeeee Akki Ketchup de yaar..."
Usne meri taraf dekha or mujhe gussa hota dekh.. poori ki poori bottle me bachi hui Ketchup ko apne Burger ki plate me udel diya.. or khaali dabba meri tarah badha diya..
"Tu samjha hi is tarah se raha tha ki kaun teri baat sune.. Aise bata ki gali ka kutta bhi teri baat samajh jaaye.."
"Waah, Kya comaprison kiya hai tune apna! Gali ka kutta! "
"SHUT UP! Fir se samjha.."
"Bataya to tha, main isse usi time me jaa sakta hun jo maine ismen aakhiri baar save kiya hua ho.."
"To iska matlab ham iski madad se future me bhi nahi jaa sakte.."
"Nahi........ lekin hum aise future me jaroor jaa rahe hain jahan saara ketchup tu hajam kar jaati hai.."
"Kyaa yaar.... Kya fuddu Time Machine banaya hai tune... na poori tarah se past me jaa sakte hain or naa hi future me jaa sakte hain.."
"Achha bol to aise rahi hai jaise tune bahut bade jhaande gaad diye ho, Teri time machine kaha hai.. Nahi hai na.. ? "
"Hmm... Haan maanti hun mere paas time machine nahi hai.. Par pata hai mere paas kya hai? Ye dekh ketchup! " Usne mujhe chidhaate hue wapas se device ko ek haath me liye or dusri haath se burger khaane lagi.."
"Dekh tu fir se ispar ketchup laga rahi hai.."
"At least, tujhe nahi mila to teri machine ko to mil raha hai.. "
Usne wapas se device ko dekha or us par lagi hui ketchup ko chaat gayi..
"Abeeee use chaat mat.. "
"OH FUCKKK... Main to bhool hi gayi thi, ismen plutonium hai! Kya ab mujhe plutonium cancer ho jayega? Fuckk!" Usne jaldi jaldi se device ko table par rakha or red button daba diya..
"Ye kya kar rahi hai tu ?"
"Abe gadhe.. is time ko save kar rahi hun, agar main mar gayi to wapas is time me aa jaungi.." Uski harkatein dekh kar meri hasi chhoot gayi.. wo sach me dar gayi thi..
"Tera chehra dekh... Darr ke maare sukh gaya hai.. tension mat le nahi mar rahi hai tu.. Isse kuch nahi hoga! Waise bhi ye device tere liye kaam nahi karega.. Ye sirf mere liye kaam karta hai.. maine ismen apna genome mapped kar ke rakha hua hai.."
"Kya hi selfish aadmi hai be tu... Chhhiiii.."
"Chup ho jaa be.. Main bore ho raha hun ab ek hi baatein baar baar karke.. Or hamari in sabhi baaton ka koi importance bhi nahi hai.."
"Waah! ham logon ke beech ki baaton ki koi importance nahi hai? To kya important hai jara wo bata.."
"Wo aa gaayi... Udhar dekh wo important hai.." Maine Akansha ka dhyaan cafe ke darwaaje se bhitar aa rahi ek ladki ki oor kiya.. light red dress, khule baal, tikhe nain naksh, har tarah se kaha jaaye to Bala ki khoobshurat.. Main use dekhe hi jaa raha tha.. Usne hamse door, dusre kone waali table shayd pahle se book kiya hua tha.. Tabhi, Aakansha ki karkas aawaj ne mera dhyaan toda..
"Ab samajh aaya.. Teri haar baat kisi na kisi ladki se hi judi hui hoti hai.. Tere haath koi ladki aati to hai nahi.. bas sapne tu bade bade dekhta hai.."
"Abeee.. Tu dekh to sahi.. Kitni khoobsurat hai wo.."
"Hmm... Khoobshurat to hai, lekin tune khud ko dekha hai.. Agar tu samudra tal ki gehraayi hai.. to wo khoobsurati me Himalaya ki chooti.." Usne mera mazak udaane ke andaaj se kaha
"Tu jitni baar ye joke maarti hai ye or bhi behuda lagta hai.."
"Kya matlab main jitni baar joke maarti hun? Isse pahle maine ye baat kab ki? Mohit? Ham log kitni baar is time me rah chuke hain? " Achanak se hi wah meri baat ka matlab samajh kar serious ho gayi..
"Abe.. tune kabhi na kabhi to bola hi hoga.. Kya tu bhi bol rahi.. Udhar dekh na us ladki ko.. "
"Mohittttt... baat mat ghooma.. Sach sach bata ham log kitni baar is time ko beeta chuke hain ?"
"Jyada nahi.. Yahi kuchhhh..... hazar baar.."
"WHATTTTT THEEE FUCKKKK! " isse pahle ki wah chikhti maine uski jubaan par apne haanth rakh jor se daba diya.. Tabhi waitress hamari coffee lekar aa chuki thi.. or is tarah se mujhe Aakansha ka muh dabaye dekh kar puchhi..
"Everything alright? Koi baat hai kya.. ?"
"Yahan ki coffee ki smell kitni achhi hai.. Aap log kuch khas milaate ho kya ismen?" Maine fiki hasi ke saath Aakansha ke chehre se apne haanth wapas khinche or kaha..
"Nahi Sir, It's just plain coffee! " Usne hamein ek baar ghoora or coffee de kar chali gayi.."
"Wo waiter ab tak kitni baar yahan aa chuki hai.. sach sach bata.."
"Agar exactly bolun to.. 4795 baar! Khush, bata diya na.. ! "
"OH MY GOD!!! " Meri baat sun kar wo achhambhit ho kar mujhe dekhe jaa rahi thi..
"Tu jyada ispar mat soch.."
"Tu pagal hai kya.. Tune abhi bataya ki main yahan chaar hazaar saat sau nabbe baar se fansi hue hun.."
"Panchanbey..... chaar hazaar saat sau panchanbey..." Maine use sahi karte hue kaha..
"Aur tu bol raha hai ki main ise lekar kuch naa sochun? Kul milkaar kitna time hua hoga is poori ghatna ko baar baar hone me? "
"Yahi koi teen saal.."
"Kyaa? 3 saal? Matlab teen saal se meri Zindagi tere saath isi cafe me ataki hui hai ? Tune mujhe teen saal se apne saath kaidi ki tarah is cafe me rakha hua hai.. "
"Ab tu aise bolegi to ye thoda ajeeb jaroor hai.. lekin wo sab chhor tu use dekh.. Wo kitni khoobsurat hai, saath hi wah majaakiya bhi hai.. Dekh abhi wo us waitress ke saath hasegi.. "
"Seriously ab bhi tujhe us ladki ki padi hai? Yahan teri baatein sun kar mujhe aisa lag raha hai ki 25 saal ki umar me hi mujhe heart attack aa jayega.." Usne wapas se apni fulti hui saans ko control karne ki koshish karte hue kaha.. Or table par rakhe paani ko gatak gayi..
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Kuch samay beeta, tab kahin jaakar wah thoda shaant hui.. Aakansha ki najar ab ek baar mujhe or fir us ladki ki oor chali jaati..
"Jab tune mere itne saal us ek ladki ke liye barbaad kar diye hain.. to kam se kam ab tak to tune uska naam to pata kar hi liya hoga ? Ye mat kahna ki tujhe uska naam bhi nahi pata.."
"Uska naam Shreya hai.."
"Or kya pata hai tujhe uske baare me.."
"Jyada kuch nahi.. yahi ki use coffee nahi, chai pasand hai.. Usne jo pehna hai wo uski favourite dress hai.. Uska favourite color red hai.. bas yahi sab kuch.. "
"Bas.. Yahi pata chala hai tujhe 3 saal me.. Tune mujhe teen saal se idhar bandhak bana kar rakha hua hai.. or bas yahi pata pada hai tujhe.... Teri baaton se ab mera mann bhi dukhi ho raha hai.. Mujhe ciggrate peene ka mann kar raha hai.."
"Par tujhe ashthma hai.."
"Haan.. mujhe ashthma hai kyunki main ciggrate peeti hun.."
"Ye kaisa logic hai..? "
"Sab kuch teri tarah logic par nahi hota be.. Sab log teri tarah fuddu time machine banane waale nahi hain.."
"Ye Time Machine nahi hai.."
"Haan.. Yeeee Timmmeee Machineeee nahi hai.." Usne meri hi baat ko muh tedha karte hue dohraya..
"Tu sad lag rahi hai.."
"Haan.. kyunki main sad hun or teri wajah se sad hun.. " Usne mere saamne padi burger ki plate bhi utha liya or khaane lagi.. Maine use thodi der ghoora aur jaise hi main kuch bolne ko hua, usne pahle hi mujhe tok diya..
"Tujhe pata hai main sad hoti hun to main jyada khaati hun.. isliye khaane ke lye to kuch bolna mat.."
"Tu aise bhi jyada hi khaati hai.. Chal chhor bata tu sad kyun ho rahi hai.."
"Abee.. tune mere saath saath apna bhi itna time ismen barbaad kiya hai wo bhi kis liye ek ladki ke liye.. Tujhe pata hai na ek din ye poori duniya khatam ho jayegi or uske saath saath is duniya ke sabhi insaan bhi.. Matlab tu ek ladki ke liye apna keemti samay barbaad kar raha hai, is time me pata nahi tu kitni alag alag chijen kar sakta tha... Shayad kisi doosri ladki se bhi mil jaata.."
"Abeee chup ho kya bake jaa rahi hai.."
"Tune kabhi ye socha ki tere is apne bhaagya ko badalne ki koshish ki wajah se aisa bhi ho sakta hai ki koi kisi galat raah par chala jaaye.. Ham roj aise kuch faisle karte hain jisse baaki logon ki Zindagi par bhi asar padta hai.."
"Nahi maine itna nahi socha.."
"To socha kya hai fir, Soch ki tu kabhi sadak kinaare bane hue patle raaste par apne joote ke fite baandhne ke liye hi ruka or teri wajah se koi insaan paidal chalne waale raaste se niche utar kar road par chalne lagta hai.. or us ek second me use pichhe se koi car ya bus dhakka mar kar chali jaati hai.. Soch us ek second ki keemat.. Isi tarah sabhi ka ek-ek second keemti hai, or yahan tune mere 3 saal barbaad kar diye hain.."
"Aree yaar.. main kahan jyada kuch kar raha hun.. ham sabhi roj hi apna bhagya likhte hain.. Main bhi to bas waisa hi kuch karne ki koshish kar raha hun.. "
"Nahi.. Tu apna bhagya bana nahi raha.. balki tod madod kar apne anusaar chalaana chahta hai.. Tu baar baar apna bhagya badalne ki koshish kar raha hai.. Jab tak tujhe wo mil nahi jaata jo tu chahta hai.."
"Abee yaar baat wo nahi hai.. Kya ye achha nahi hoga ki ham apni galtiyon ko kabhi dohraaye hi naa.. Hamare liye kabhi mauke khatam hi naa ho.. Hamare liye kabhi samay khatam hi naa ho.."
"Is duniya me sabhi ka samay ek na ek din khatam ho hi jaata hai, Mohit.."
"To tu bol rahi hai ki main pagal ho gaya hun.. " Maine thode tej aawaj me usse bola..
"Tu chilla mat.. warna main jakar doosri table par baith jaungi.."
Thode samay tak hamare beech khaamoshi bani rahi.. Fir wapas se usne apni plate ki oor dhyaan diya.. or mujhe ek chetaawani bhi de di..
"Ghoor mat.. tune teen saal mujhe yahan rakha hai.. Khane de chup chaap! "
Jab maine kuch samay tak kuch nahi kaha to usne wapas se baat shuru ki..
"Tune kabhi ye socha hai ki yadi tere itni baar koshish ke baad bhi agar tu uska number tak lene me kaamyaab nahi hua hai to shayad ye kabhi hone waala hi naa ho.."
"Hmmm Shayad.. "
"Achha thk hai, tu wada karta hai agar us ladki ka number lene me, main teri madad karti hun to tu is device ko tod dega"
"Haan, shayad.." Maine thode utsaah ke saath kaha jab wah meri madad ko maan gayi..
"Chal thk hai.. Ek kaam kar tu wahan jaa or uski khoobsurati ki tareef me koi achhi shayari bol"
"Hum ye koshish kar ke dekh chuke hain.. Maine aadhe shayari ke baad hi ghabra kar uske joote par ulti kar diya tha.."
"Fir jaa ke bol ki wo aasahmaan se utari koi pari jaisi dikhti hai.."
"Ye bhi aleady kar chuke hain, usne meri pant par poori chaai hansi ke maare thuk diya tha.."
"Tune use phool dene ka try kiya?"
"Haan, ye bhi ho chuka hai.. maine jo phool diya tha usmen ek madhumakhi thi or usne uske chehre par kaat liya tha........ Achha, ek min ruk mujhe kuch aaya hai dimaag me.. main try kar ke aata hun.." Itna bol kar maine apni device ka red button dabaya or fir Shreya ki table ke paas chala gaya.. Kuch samay baad main niraash wapas lauta or mere jubaan se bas itna hi nikla..
"Akki chaaku de wo jara... "
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"Abe tune bataya nahi pichhli baar tune jaakar wahan kya bola usko.."
"Ohhh! Main uske paas I Love You bolne gaya tha, maine socha direct bol hi deta hun.. or ghabraahat me maine ek baar nahi, lagbhag 10-20 baar I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! bol diya, jiska jawab usne GET LOST! ke saath diya.."
"Matlab ab kul milaakar tune 4796 try kar liye hain.. Tu sach me ajooba hai.."
Hum dono hi agle plan ke baare me soch rahe the, tabhi cafe ki waitress wapas se hamare paas aayi..
"Aap logo ko or kuch chahiye? "
"Iski madad len?" Aakansha ne mujhe sujhaav diya.. or mujhe bhi uska ye Idea achha laga..
"Haan, Ek ladki ki raay hamari madad kar sakti hai.."
"Abee! To main kya hun? Main bhi ek Ladki hi hun.." Aakansha ne mujhe gusse se ghurte hua kaha.. Maine use najarandaaj kiya or Waitress ki taraf mudte hue bola..
"Wo us kone me tumhe red dress waali khoobsurat ladki dikh rahi hai..Tumhe kya lagta hai? "
"Wakai kaafi khoobsurat hai wo.." Waitress ne kaha
"Use dekh kar aur kya lag raha hai tumhe? "
"Baithi hui hai, akeli hai.. shayad udaas hai.. Ek khoobsurat ladki shaam ke samay aise cafe me akeli kyun baithegi? "
"Kyunki uska date nahi aaya.." Aakansha ne waitress ki baat poori ki.. or 2 or coffee ka order de diya..
"Bechari wo kitni udaas hai.. use tere jaise ladke se phool ya pickup line nahi chahiye.. soch use teri wajah se 4796 baar uske date ke nahi aane ka dukh jhelna pada hai.. Tujhe apne par bada fakrr ho raha hoga nahiii.. Khush hai na tu, use itni baar dukh me daal kar? "
"Nahi yaar, main kyun khus hounga? "
"Achha to ab ye plan cancel karein na? Ab ye kya likhne laga tu?" Usne mujhe bag se pen nikaal napkin par lkhte dekh toka..
"Mujhe kuch dekhna hai.. "
"Ab kya dekhna hai? "
"Yahi ki woh thik hai ki nahi.. "
Maine us Napkin par likha, "I am sorry that your date stood you up! Are you alright? " Iske saath hi main us napkin ko lekar Shreya ke saamne rakh diya.. Usne use dekha or meri taraf najar utha kar behad hi halki mushkaan ke saath boli..
"Meri shakal itni buri dikh rahi hai kya jo tumhe pata chal gaya? "
"Haan.. thodi si.. I mean, tum behad khoobsurat ho par thodi si sad lag rahi ho.." Maine himmat juta kar apni baat poori ki..
"Main thik hun, Thank you, puchhne ke liye! Bas ye relationship drama hai, hota hai kabhi kabhi.."
"Chalo achha hai... Mera matlab achha nahi hua.. Koi baat nahi tumhe mera note mil gaya.."
"Kya hum is se pahle kabhi mile hain.." Usne meri taraf dekhte hue kaha..
"Nahi to bilkul nahi.. Myself Mohit! Kya tum mere saath coffee pina pasand karogi? " Maine himmat karte hue ek saans me hi bol diya..
"Main Shreya! Coffee to thik hai, but tum kisi ke saath pahle se hi ho.." Usne Aakansha ki taraf ishaara karte hue kaha..
"Woo kuch nahi hai.. Wo to ladka hai.. " Main hadbad me pata nahi kya bol diya..
"Kya?"
"Mera matlab wo meri dost hai sirf, do ladkon ya do ladkiyon ke beech jaisi dosti hoti hai waisi hi hamari bhi dosti hai.." Maine door se haath hilaati hui Aakansha ko bina aawaj kiye hi ishaare ishaare me shaant baithne ko kaha..
"Jaroor Kyun nahi.. Hum Coffee pi sakte hain.."
"Wow! Thik hai hum fir kabhi coffee pite hain.." Itna bolkar main wapas Aakansha ke paas chala aaya.. Mere aate hi usne utsaah se mere upar sawaal daag diye..
"Bata bata kya hua? Plan successful hua ki nahi? Tune uska number liya ki nahi.."
"Aree main to bas us se puchhne gaya tha ki wo thik hai ki nahi.. Number lene thodi gaya tha?"
"Tune usse number maanga bhi nahi? " Usne meri taraf ajeeb aankhon ke saath dekha..
"Nahi.. Maine nahi maanga.. but usne kaha hai ki hum coffe par mil sakte hain.. Wo udaas thi isliye main to bas use hasaane gaya tha.. Mujhe aisi situation me ye achha nahi laga ki main usse number maangun.."
"Waah! Aap to dev maanush hain.. Kya tu mera ek kaam karega?"
"Haan bol na, Kyun nahi"
"Ek kaam kar jara apni device ka button daba.. or is time ko save point bana le.." Maine uski baat maante hue aisa hi kiya..
"Thank You so much! " Usne itna bola or mere baal pakde or apni baat kahte hue mujhe peetna shuru kar kiya..
"Hum yahan teen saal se atake hue hain.. bas isliye ki tu us se number le sake.. or tujhse wo bhi nahi hua.." Hamare chaaro taraf bheed jama honi shuru ho chuki thi, tabhi usne table par rakha chaaku uthaya or mere seene me utaar diya..
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Hum ab Cafe ke baahar aa chuke the.. Maine uski taraf dekha ab wo bhi meri taraf dekh kar mushkura di.. Maine usse puchha
"Kaisa lag raha hai mera murder karne ke baad? "
"Sach bataun to kaafi achha lag raha hai.. mera saara gussa ab utar chuka hai.. mujhe to ab alag raha hai ki mujhe Stockholm syndrome ho gaya hai.. Tune 3 saal mujhe is cafe me kidnap kar ke rakha, lekin fir bhi tere upar ab gussa nahi aa raha.." Tabhi hamari najar Cafe se baahar aati Shreya par padi..
"Jaa wo baahar aa rahi hai.. Baat kar usse.."
"Achha ye device pakad.. Iske saath jaunga to koi pagal dikhunga.." Main apne haath me pada bag or apni device, Aakansha ko dete hue Shreya ki taraf chala gaya.. wo bhi meri oor hi aa rahi thi..
"Iske bina bhi tu pagal hi dikhta hai.." Mujhe apne pichhe Aakansha ki aawaj sunaai di..
"Hi Shreya! Kya tum thik ho? Main soch raha tha ki.." Is se pahle ki main apni baat poori karta usne kaha,
"Yahi ki.. Kya hum kabhi coffee ke liye mil sakte hain? " Usne mushkuraate hue ek napkin ka tukda meri oor badhya jispar uska number likha tha..
"Main ise save kar leta hun.." Maine jaldi se phone nikaal kar number save kiya or use call kiya.. Usne bhi mera number save kiya or mere gaalon par ek halki kiss karte hue boli..
"Don't stood me up like today! See You! "
"Bye! Milte hain fir.." Main wapas Aakansha ke paas wapas aa gaya..
"Kya baat hai, aaj to ladke ko teen saal baad kissi mili hai.. "
"Mujhe to yakin hi nahi ho raha.. Main usse number mangta usse pahle usne hi mujhe number de diya!"
"To shakal kyun bana raha hai.. Khus ho ja.. or ab mujhe aazaad kar apni is time jail se.. Tune promise kiya tha ki number milne ke baad tu ise tod dega.. Achha ye apna saaman pakad mujhe apne joote ke fite baandhne hain.." usne mujhe Device diya or fir bag bhi jise ab maine ab peeth par latka liya tha.. Tabhi wah boli..
"Abe is time ko save to kar le.. fir ise tod diyo.." Saamne jhuki hu Aakansha ke aage jaane ki koshish me maine sadak par apna kadam rakha or uski baat maante hue apni device ka red button daba diya.. Tabhi saamne se aati mujhe ek roshni dikhi.. ek second bhi nahi hua hoga ki ek bus bilkul mere saamne thi.. Mere jubaan se aakhiri shabd bas yahi nikal sake,
"FUCKKKKKKK! "
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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Maine use ghoor kar dekha, jo saamne table par padi ek plate french fry par tooti padi thi.. bagal ki plate me pada hua burger apni baari ka intezaar kar raha tha..
"Abe kitna khaayegi.. Bhains hoti jaa rahi hai.."
"Chal be.. har do hafte me ek hi din to milta hai tere paise udaane ka.. Tu hi is cafe me lekar aaya hai.. ab mere khaane par najar mat laga.."
"Achha mujhe tujhe kuchh dikhana hai.." usne meri taraf ek najar maara or wapas se apni plate par dhyaan laga diya.. maine use najarandaaz kar apni table ke nichhe rakhi meri bag me se ek silver rang ke cube aakar ka ek khas device nikala or table par rakha..
"Ye kya hai? " Usne jhat se use chhute hue kaha..
"Abee Chhoo mat! "
"Kyaaa? To tu mujhe ye dikha kyun raha hai jab main use chhoo hi nahi sakti? Mujhe to chhuna pasand hai.." Usne apne natkhat andaaj me kaha..
Abhi aage main kuch bol hi paata ki Cafe ki waitress hamare paas a gayi..
"Aap log kuch oor lenge? "
"No Thanks! " maine jhat se jawab diya or apni us device ko apni oor khinchte hue ek kone me rakh liya.. Mujhe poora andaaza hua ki Aakansha meri is harkat par meri oor ghoor rahi thi.. Halanki, usne wapas se mujhe ignore kar waitress ki oor apna dhyaan kiya..
"One more big plate of french fries, please! " Uske order ke saath hi waitress jaa chuki thi.. or Aakansha ne wapas se meri taraf apni najrein ki..
"Wo kaun sa tera ye khufiya hathiyaar chura kar le jaa rahi thi, jo tu ise chhupa raha tha? Ab to tune meri curiosity badha di hai.. ab to mujhe ise chhuna hi hai.." Usne jhat se mere haath se us device ko khich liya..
"Akkii... Tu uspar ketchup laga rahi hai.. tere haath gande hain.."
"Kahan laga hai ketchup? " usne device ko ulat palat kar dekha or..
"Abe use ab chaat mat.. Ye le napkin se poonch de,," maine use napkin thamaate hue chaatne se roka..
"Achha chal ab bata ye device karta kya hai? "
"Tujhe samajh nahi aayega.."
"Mujhe kya kya samajh aata hai, ye jaan kar tera ye chhota sa dimaag fat jayega.. chal bataa.."
"Achha thk hai to sun.."
Maine us device ko uski haathon se liya or apna dhyaan uspar lagaate hue Akki ko iske baare me batana shuru kiya..
"Ye ek tarah ka non-linear, existential reformation remote hai.. Actually, ye karta kya hai ki ye apne aas paas ek fixed point fragmentation bana deta hai.. aisa karne ke liye yah meta-materials banata hai or fir sabhi meta-materials ek saath milkar nano columns banaate hain.. Uske baad nano columns hamari space time me ek anchor point bana dete hain.. Ye ek tarah se Minkowsi’s model of space time hai.. jo actually me Einsteins theory of Special Relativity ko bhi prove karta hai.. iske saath saath................... Ye kahan gayi? "
Apni device ki explanation dete hue jaise hi maine apni najar upar ki or kiya, Aakansha apni seat se gayab thi.. Maine apni najar cafe ke sabhi kono me daudaayi, lekin mujhe wah kahin najar nahi aayi.. Kuch ekaadh minute gujare hi honge ki tabhi mujhe wo washroom ki taraf se aati hui dikhi..
"Sorry.. Jor ki lagi thi.. Haan tu kuchh bata raha tha.."
"Nahi main to bas aise hi bak-bak kar raha tha..."
"Abee.. to samajh aane waali bhasa me bata na.." maine use ek baar ghoor ke dekha or fir kaha,
"Ye laal button is par dekh rahi hai? Ise dabaane ke saath hi ek save point create ho jaata hai, or mere marne ke baad main wapas is save point ki time par aa sakta hun.."
"Kyaaaa... tere marne ke baad kya?
"Aree matlab.. tu ise ek computer game ki tarah soch le.. Jaise hum usmen apna game save karte hain taki wapas se wahin se khel sake usi tarah ye bhi meri Jindagi ka ek save point banata hai.. Yaa fir tu ise ek tarah se Ctrl+Z yaani Undo button samajh le.. Jise daba kar main apni life ki mistakes sudhaar sakta hun.. "
"Meri samajh me bilkul bhi nahi aa raha ki tu bol kya raha hai.." Usne wapas se apne muh me burger thooste hue kaha..
"Mujhe ise karke tujhe dikhaana padega..." Ye kahte hue maine apni device ka red button daba diya or apni table ke niche rakhi bag se kuch nikaalne ke liye jhukaa.. Mujhe apne upar ek aawaj sunaai di..
"Two Cups of coffee please!" Jab tak wah order dene ke baad counter ki taraf se apna dhyaan meri oor karti maine apne haathon me li hui tej dhaar ki chaaku apne sine me ghusa di...
"Fuckkkk! OH MY GOD! ye kya kiya tuneee...."
"Abbee.... Ismen itna time kyun lag raha hai.." Apne dard ko kaabu me karte hue maine kaha.. Meri aankhein ab band hone lagi.. maine bas itna dekha ki cafe me baithe sabhi log hamari table ki oor aa gaye the.. or Akansha ki aakhiri aawaj mere kaanon me gunji..
"Maine kuch nahi kiya.. Maine kuch nahi kiya! "
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"Iske baad sab kuch wapas se aise chalne lagta hai.. Jaise kuch hua hi naa ho.."
"Lekin kuch hua kahan? " Usne mujhe sawaaliya nazar se dekha..
"Maine abhi abhi apne seene me Chaaku ghusaa kar khud ko maar diya tha.."
"Two Cups of coffee please! Usne order kiya or wapas se meri taraf mudi or boli..
"Fir se kar ke dikha.. "
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"TADAAA..... Ye le... kar diya.. "
"Par mujhe kahan kuchh dikhayi diya.."
"Oh no! main to bhool hi gaya, Agar ye TImeline mera hai to tujhe kaise kuch pata chalega.. Tujhe bhi baaki duniya ki tarah kuch pata nahi chalega.. Jab Maine button dabaya uske pahle kya hua ye ham dono ko pata rahega lekin button dabaane ke baad ki chije sirf mujhe.."
"Achha or main teri baat maan loon, ki tune apne sine me chaaku ghusaya or teri is device ki wajah se tu wapas aa gaya.. Waah.. Waah.. Daaru maar kar aaya hai kya?"
"Achha ruk.. Udhar dekh wahan us table par takla aadmi baitha hai, abhi thodi der me uske upar wo waitress galti se coffee giraayegi or wo chilaayega "Abee kaam bhi dhang se nahi kar sakte kya tum log".. iske saath hi usi samay baahar road par ek ambulance siren ki aawaj ke saath gujregi.."
Kuch minute biteee or meri kahi baat sach hote hi usne avishwaas bhari najron se meri oor dekha or lagbhag cheekh hi padi...
"WHAT the fuckkkkkkk..."
"Abe dheere bol...... Pagal hai kya..."
"Tujhe ye sab kaise pata chala? Iska matlab tu yahan pahle aa chuka hai?" Wo ghabrahat ke saath teeji se saans lete hue boli..
"Haan main yahan pahle aa chuka hu.." maine use shant bhaav se jawab diya taki wah bhi thodi shaant ho sake..
"Meri saans phool rahi hai..." usne teji se haanfte hue kaha.. or apni left pocket me kuch tatolne lagi..
"Tera asthma jor ho gaya hai.. Right pocket me hai tera inhaler..." Maine jaldi se usse kaha
Mere is jawab par usne doosri pocket me haath daala or fir mujhe khaa jaane waali najron se ghoora..
"Tu mujhe or jyada dara raha hai.. Band kar apna ye future gyaan... Mujhe ye sab kuch thik nahi lag raha.." Uski is baat ke baad maine uska haath pakad kar use shaant karne ki koshish ki..
"Mujhe pata hai in sab baaton ko itni aasani se pacha paana thoda mushkil hai.. Lekin tu to sab kuch pacha jaati hai.." Uske plate me padi aadhi burger ki oor ishaara karte hue maine use hasaane ko koshish ki..
"Is device ko tune banaaya hai?"
"Haan!"
"Kin si chijon se bana hai ye? "
"Wahi idhar udhar ki kuch chijen.. kuch GATE circuit, soda stream, gameboy printer, thoda sa Plutonium.. "
"WHAT THE FUCKKK.. PLUTONIUM? Tune ismen Plutonium daala hai..?" Usne wapas se teji se saans lete hue apni phoolti hui aawaaj me gusse se ghoorte hue puchha
"Aree yaar.. Ab jaise ande ke bina omelette nahi ban sakta.. bina Nuclear Material ke TIme altering machine kaise ban sakta hai? "
"Oor main ise chaat rahi thi..... YUCCCKKKKK! "
"Ye bilkul safe hai.. matlab mere khayaal se bilkul safe hai.."
"Tere khayaal se? Waah! Kitni tassalli dene waali baat hai... tere khayaal se!"
Thode samay hamare beech shaanti rahi, wah kabhi mujhe ghoorti or kabhi meri device ko.. is kuch pal ki shaanti ne use bhi shaant kar diya..
"Ye bilkul pagal bana dene waali chij hai.."
"Haan mujhe pata hai.." Uski shaant lahje me kahi baat ka maine jawab diya.
"Iska matlab tu mar kar wapas se zinda hua hai? "
"Haan... ekaadh baar...." maine usse najrein churaate hue kaha or table pe padi fries ki plate apni oor khinchi..
"Kaisa lagta hai marna? "
"Jyada kuch nahi.. bas dard jhelna hota hai or uske baad kuch nahi.. main wapas aa jaata hun.... Ketchup ki bottle mujhe de.."
"Ye kamaal ki device hai yaar, Mohit... Isse ham kai shaandaar chije kar sakte hain.. Kya ham isse poori tarah se pichhe ke time me jaa sakte hain? mera matlab jaise dinosaurs ke time ya Hitler ke time, hamlog Hitler ko maar kar World War hone se rok sakte hain.."
"Main jab samjha raha tha tab to tune suna nahi.. Abbbeeee Akki Ketchup de yaar..."
Usne meri taraf dekha or mujhe gussa hota dekh.. poori ki poori bottle me bachi hui Ketchup ko apne Burger ki plate me udel diya.. or khaali dabba meri tarah badha diya..
"Tu samjha hi is tarah se raha tha ki kaun teri baat sune.. Aise bata ki gali ka kutta bhi teri baat samajh jaaye.."
"Waah, Kya comaprison kiya hai tune apna! Gali ka kutta! "
"SHUT UP! Fir se samjha.."
"Bataya to tha, main isse usi time me jaa sakta hun jo maine ismen aakhiri baar save kiya hua ho.."
"To iska matlab ham iski madad se future me bhi nahi jaa sakte.."
"Nahi........ lekin hum aise future me jaroor jaa rahe hain jahan saara ketchup tu hajam kar jaati hai.."
"Kyaa yaar.... Kya fuddu Time Machine banaya hai tune... na poori tarah se past me jaa sakte hain or naa hi future me jaa sakte hain.."
"Achha bol to aise rahi hai jaise tune bahut bade jhaande gaad diye ho, Teri time machine kaha hai.. Nahi hai na.. ? "
"Hmm... Haan maanti hun mere paas time machine nahi hai.. Par pata hai mere paas kya hai? Ye dekh ketchup! " Usne mujhe chidhaate hue wapas se device ko ek haath me liye or dusri haath se burger khaane lagi.."
"Dekh tu fir se ispar ketchup laga rahi hai.."
"At least, tujhe nahi mila to teri machine ko to mil raha hai.. "
Usne wapas se device ko dekha or us par lagi hui ketchup ko chaat gayi..
"Abeeee use chaat mat.. "
"OH FUCKKK... Main to bhool hi gayi thi, ismen plutonium hai! Kya ab mujhe plutonium cancer ho jayega? Fuckk!" Usne jaldi jaldi se device ko table par rakha or red button daba diya..
"Ye kya kar rahi hai tu ?"
"Abe gadhe.. is time ko save kar rahi hun, agar main mar gayi to wapas is time me aa jaungi.." Uski harkatein dekh kar meri hasi chhoot gayi.. wo sach me dar gayi thi..
"Tera chehra dekh... Darr ke maare sukh gaya hai.. tension mat le nahi mar rahi hai tu.. Isse kuch nahi hoga! Waise bhi ye device tere liye kaam nahi karega.. Ye sirf mere liye kaam karta hai.. maine ismen apna genome mapped kar ke rakha hua hai.."
"Kya hi selfish aadmi hai be tu... Chhhiiii.."
"Chup ho jaa be.. Main bore ho raha hun ab ek hi baatein baar baar karke.. Or hamari in sabhi baaton ka koi importance bhi nahi hai.."
"Waah! ham logon ke beech ki baaton ki koi importance nahi hai? To kya important hai jara wo bata.."
"Wo aa gaayi... Udhar dekh wo important hai.." Maine Akansha ka dhyaan cafe ke darwaaje se bhitar aa rahi ek ladki ki oor kiya.. light red dress, khule baal, tikhe nain naksh, har tarah se kaha jaaye to Bala ki khoobshurat.. Main use dekhe hi jaa raha tha.. Usne hamse door, dusre kone waali table shayd pahle se book kiya hua tha.. Tabhi, Aakansha ki karkas aawaj ne mera dhyaan toda..
"Ab samajh aaya.. Teri haar baat kisi na kisi ladki se hi judi hui hoti hai.. Tere haath koi ladki aati to hai nahi.. bas sapne tu bade bade dekhta hai.."
"Abeee.. Tu dekh to sahi.. Kitni khoobsurat hai wo.."
"Hmm... Khoobshurat to hai, lekin tune khud ko dekha hai.. Agar tu samudra tal ki gehraayi hai.. to wo khoobsurati me Himalaya ki chooti.." Usne mera mazak udaane ke andaaj se kaha
"Tu jitni baar ye joke maarti hai ye or bhi behuda lagta hai.."
"Kya matlab main jitni baar joke maarti hun? Isse pahle maine ye baat kab ki? Mohit? Ham log kitni baar is time me rah chuke hain? " Achanak se hi wah meri baat ka matlab samajh kar serious ho gayi..
"Abe.. tune kabhi na kabhi to bola hi hoga.. Kya tu bhi bol rahi.. Udhar dekh na us ladki ko.. "
"Mohittttt... baat mat ghooma.. Sach sach bata ham log kitni baar is time ko beeta chuke hain ?"
"Jyada nahi.. Yahi kuchhhh..... hazar baar.."
"WHATTTTT THEEE FUCKKKK! " isse pahle ki wah chikhti maine uski jubaan par apne haanth rakh jor se daba diya.. Tabhi waitress hamari coffee lekar aa chuki thi.. or is tarah se mujhe Aakansha ka muh dabaye dekh kar puchhi..
"Everything alright? Koi baat hai kya.. ?"
"Yahan ki coffee ki smell kitni achhi hai.. Aap log kuch khas milaate ho kya ismen?" Maine fiki hasi ke saath Aakansha ke chehre se apne haanth wapas khinche or kaha..
"Nahi Sir, It's just plain coffee! " Usne hamein ek baar ghoora or coffee de kar chali gayi.."
"Wo waiter ab tak kitni baar yahan aa chuki hai.. sach sach bata.."
"Agar exactly bolun to.. 4795 baar! Khush, bata diya na.. ! "
"OH MY GOD!!! " Meri baat sun kar wo achhambhit ho kar mujhe dekhe jaa rahi thi..
"Tu jyada ispar mat soch.."
"Tu pagal hai kya.. Tune abhi bataya ki main yahan chaar hazaar saat sau nabbe baar se fansi hue hun.."
"Panchanbey..... chaar hazaar saat sau panchanbey..." Maine use sahi karte hue kaha..
"Aur tu bol raha hai ki main ise lekar kuch naa sochun? Kul milkaar kitna time hua hoga is poori ghatna ko baar baar hone me? "
"Yahi koi teen saal.."
"Kyaa? 3 saal? Matlab teen saal se meri Zindagi tere saath isi cafe me ataki hui hai ? Tune mujhe teen saal se apne saath kaidi ki tarah is cafe me rakha hua hai.. "
"Ab tu aise bolegi to ye thoda ajeeb jaroor hai.. lekin wo sab chhor tu use dekh.. Wo kitni khoobsurat hai, saath hi wah majaakiya bhi hai.. Dekh abhi wo us waitress ke saath hasegi.. "
"Seriously ab bhi tujhe us ladki ki padi hai? Yahan teri baatein sun kar mujhe aisa lag raha hai ki 25 saal ki umar me hi mujhe heart attack aa jayega.." Usne wapas se apni fulti hui saans ko control karne ki koshish karte hue kaha.. Or table par rakhe paani ko gatak gayi..
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Kuch samay beeta, tab kahin jaakar wah thoda shaant hui.. Aakansha ki najar ab ek baar mujhe or fir us ladki ki oor chali jaati..
"Jab tune mere itne saal us ek ladki ke liye barbaad kar diye hain.. to kam se kam ab tak to tune uska naam to pata kar hi liya hoga ? Ye mat kahna ki tujhe uska naam bhi nahi pata.."
"Uska naam Shreya hai.."
"Or kya pata hai tujhe uske baare me.."
"Jyada kuch nahi.. yahi ki use coffee nahi, chai pasand hai.. Usne jo pehna hai wo uski favourite dress hai.. Uska favourite color red hai.. bas yahi sab kuch.. "
"Bas.. Yahi pata chala hai tujhe 3 saal me.. Tune mujhe teen saal se idhar bandhak bana kar rakha hua hai.. or bas yahi pata pada hai tujhe.... Teri baaton se ab mera mann bhi dukhi ho raha hai.. Mujhe ciggrate peene ka mann kar raha hai.."
"Par tujhe ashthma hai.."
"Haan.. mujhe ashthma hai kyunki main ciggrate peeti hun.."
"Ye kaisa logic hai..? "
"Sab kuch teri tarah logic par nahi hota be.. Sab log teri tarah fuddu time machine banane waale nahi hain.."
"Ye Time Machine nahi hai.."
"Haan.. Yeeee Timmmeee Machineeee nahi hai.." Usne meri hi baat ko muh tedha karte hue dohraya..
"Tu sad lag rahi hai.."
"Haan.. kyunki main sad hun or teri wajah se sad hun.. " Usne mere saamne padi burger ki plate bhi utha liya or khaane lagi.. Maine use thodi der ghoora aur jaise hi main kuch bolne ko hua, usne pahle hi mujhe tok diya..
"Tujhe pata hai main sad hoti hun to main jyada khaati hun.. isliye khaane ke lye to kuch bolna mat.."
"Tu aise bhi jyada hi khaati hai.. Chal chhor bata tu sad kyun ho rahi hai.."
"Abee.. tune mere saath saath apna bhi itna time ismen barbaad kiya hai wo bhi kis liye ek ladki ke liye.. Tujhe pata hai na ek din ye poori duniya khatam ho jayegi or uske saath saath is duniya ke sabhi insaan bhi.. Matlab tu ek ladki ke liye apna keemti samay barbaad kar raha hai, is time me pata nahi tu kitni alag alag chijen kar sakta tha... Shayad kisi doosri ladki se bhi mil jaata.."
"Abeee chup ho kya bake jaa rahi hai.."
"Tune kabhi ye socha ki tere is apne bhaagya ko badalne ki koshish ki wajah se aisa bhi ho sakta hai ki koi kisi galat raah par chala jaaye.. Ham roj aise kuch faisle karte hain jisse baaki logon ki Zindagi par bhi asar padta hai.."
"Nahi maine itna nahi socha.."
"To socha kya hai fir, Soch ki tu kabhi sadak kinaare bane hue patle raaste par apne joote ke fite baandhne ke liye hi ruka or teri wajah se koi insaan paidal chalne waale raaste se niche utar kar road par chalne lagta hai.. or us ek second me use pichhe se koi car ya bus dhakka mar kar chali jaati hai.. Soch us ek second ki keemat.. Isi tarah sabhi ka ek-ek second keemti hai, or yahan tune mere 3 saal barbaad kar diye hain.."
"Aree yaar.. main kahan jyada kuch kar raha hun.. ham sabhi roj hi apna bhagya likhte hain.. Main bhi to bas waisa hi kuch karne ki koshish kar raha hun.. "
"Nahi.. Tu apna bhagya bana nahi raha.. balki tod madod kar apne anusaar chalaana chahta hai.. Tu baar baar apna bhagya badalne ki koshish kar raha hai.. Jab tak tujhe wo mil nahi jaata jo tu chahta hai.."
"Abee yaar baat wo nahi hai.. Kya ye achha nahi hoga ki ham apni galtiyon ko kabhi dohraaye hi naa.. Hamare liye kabhi mauke khatam hi naa ho.. Hamare liye kabhi samay khatam hi naa ho.."
"Is duniya me sabhi ka samay ek na ek din khatam ho hi jaata hai, Mohit.."
"To tu bol rahi hai ki main pagal ho gaya hun.. " Maine thode tej aawaj me usse bola..
"Tu chilla mat.. warna main jakar doosri table par baith jaungi.."
Thode samay tak hamare beech khaamoshi bani rahi.. Fir wapas se usne apni plate ki oor dhyaan diya.. or mujhe ek chetaawani bhi de di..
"Ghoor mat.. tune teen saal mujhe yahan rakha hai.. Khane de chup chaap! "
Jab maine kuch samay tak kuch nahi kaha to usne wapas se baat shuru ki..
"Tune kabhi ye socha hai ki yadi tere itni baar koshish ke baad bhi agar tu uska number tak lene me kaamyaab nahi hua hai to shayad ye kabhi hone waala hi naa ho.."
"Hmmm Shayad.. "
"Achha thk hai, tu wada karta hai agar us ladki ka number lene me, main teri madad karti hun to tu is device ko tod dega"
"Haan, shayad.." Maine thode utsaah ke saath kaha jab wah meri madad ko maan gayi..
"Chal thk hai.. Ek kaam kar tu wahan jaa or uski khoobsurati ki tareef me koi achhi shayari bol"
"Hum ye koshish kar ke dekh chuke hain.. Maine aadhe shayari ke baad hi ghabra kar uske joote par ulti kar diya tha.."
"Fir jaa ke bol ki wo aasahmaan se utari koi pari jaisi dikhti hai.."
"Ye bhi aleady kar chuke hain, usne meri pant par poori chaai hansi ke maare thuk diya tha.."
"Tune use phool dene ka try kiya?"
"Haan, ye bhi ho chuka hai.. maine jo phool diya tha usmen ek madhumakhi thi or usne uske chehre par kaat liya tha........ Achha, ek min ruk mujhe kuch aaya hai dimaag me.. main try kar ke aata hun.." Itna bol kar maine apni device ka red button dabaya or fir Shreya ki table ke paas chala gaya.. Kuch samay baad main niraash wapas lauta or mere jubaan se bas itna hi nikla..
"Akki chaaku de wo jara... "
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"Abe tune bataya nahi pichhli baar tune jaakar wahan kya bola usko.."
"Ohhh! Main uske paas I Love You bolne gaya tha, maine socha direct bol hi deta hun.. or ghabraahat me maine ek baar nahi, lagbhag 10-20 baar I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! bol diya, jiska jawab usne GET LOST! ke saath diya.."
"Matlab ab kul milaakar tune 4796 try kar liye hain.. Tu sach me ajooba hai.."
Hum dono hi agle plan ke baare me soch rahe the, tabhi cafe ki waitress wapas se hamare paas aayi..
"Aap logo ko or kuch chahiye? "
"Iski madad len?" Aakansha ne mujhe sujhaav diya.. or mujhe bhi uska ye Idea achha laga..
"Haan, Ek ladki ki raay hamari madad kar sakti hai.."
"Abee! To main kya hun? Main bhi ek Ladki hi hun.." Aakansha ne mujhe gusse se ghurte hua kaha.. Maine use najarandaaj kiya or Waitress ki taraf mudte hue bola..
"Wo us kone me tumhe red dress waali khoobsurat ladki dikh rahi hai..Tumhe kya lagta hai? "
"Wakai kaafi khoobsurat hai wo.." Waitress ne kaha
"Use dekh kar aur kya lag raha hai tumhe? "
"Baithi hui hai, akeli hai.. shayad udaas hai.. Ek khoobsurat ladki shaam ke samay aise cafe me akeli kyun baithegi? "
"Kyunki uska date nahi aaya.." Aakansha ne waitress ki baat poori ki.. or 2 or coffee ka order de diya..
"Bechari wo kitni udaas hai.. use tere jaise ladke se phool ya pickup line nahi chahiye.. soch use teri wajah se 4796 baar uske date ke nahi aane ka dukh jhelna pada hai.. Tujhe apne par bada fakrr ho raha hoga nahiii.. Khush hai na tu, use itni baar dukh me daal kar? "
"Nahi yaar, main kyun khus hounga? "
"Achha to ab ye plan cancel karein na? Ab ye kya likhne laga tu?" Usne mujhe bag se pen nikaal napkin par lkhte dekh toka..
"Mujhe kuch dekhna hai.. "
"Ab kya dekhna hai? "
"Yahi ki woh thik hai ki nahi.. "
Maine us Napkin par likha, "I am sorry that your date stood you up! Are you alright? " Iske saath hi main us napkin ko lekar Shreya ke saamne rakh diya.. Usne use dekha or meri taraf najar utha kar behad hi halki mushkaan ke saath boli..
"Meri shakal itni buri dikh rahi hai kya jo tumhe pata chal gaya? "
"Haan.. thodi si.. I mean, tum behad khoobsurat ho par thodi si sad lag rahi ho.." Maine himmat juta kar apni baat poori ki..
"Main thik hun, Thank you, puchhne ke liye! Bas ye relationship drama hai, hota hai kabhi kabhi.."
"Chalo achha hai... Mera matlab achha nahi hua.. Koi baat nahi tumhe mera note mil gaya.."
"Kya hum is se pahle kabhi mile hain.." Usne meri taraf dekhte hue kaha..
"Nahi to bilkul nahi.. Myself Mohit! Kya tum mere saath coffee pina pasand karogi? " Maine himmat karte hue ek saans me hi bol diya..
"Main Shreya! Coffee to thik hai, but tum kisi ke saath pahle se hi ho.." Usne Aakansha ki taraf ishaara karte hue kaha..
"Woo kuch nahi hai.. Wo to ladka hai.. " Main hadbad me pata nahi kya bol diya..
"Kya?"
"Mera matlab wo meri dost hai sirf, do ladkon ya do ladkiyon ke beech jaisi dosti hoti hai waisi hi hamari bhi dosti hai.." Maine door se haath hilaati hui Aakansha ko bina aawaj kiye hi ishaare ishaare me shaant baithne ko kaha..
"Jaroor Kyun nahi.. Hum Coffee pi sakte hain.."
"Wow! Thik hai hum fir kabhi coffee pite hain.." Itna bolkar main wapas Aakansha ke paas chala aaya.. Mere aate hi usne utsaah se mere upar sawaal daag diye..
"Bata bata kya hua? Plan successful hua ki nahi? Tune uska number liya ki nahi.."
"Aree main to bas us se puchhne gaya tha ki wo thik hai ki nahi.. Number lene thodi gaya tha?"
"Tune usse number maanga bhi nahi? " Usne meri taraf ajeeb aankhon ke saath dekha..
"Nahi.. Maine nahi maanga.. but usne kaha hai ki hum coffe par mil sakte hain.. Wo udaas thi isliye main to bas use hasaane gaya tha.. Mujhe aisi situation me ye achha nahi laga ki main usse number maangun.."
"Waah! Aap to dev maanush hain.. Kya tu mera ek kaam karega?"
"Haan bol na, Kyun nahi"
"Ek kaam kar jara apni device ka button daba.. or is time ko save point bana le.." Maine uski baat maante hue aisa hi kiya..
"Thank You so much! " Usne itna bola or mere baal pakde or apni baat kahte hue mujhe peetna shuru kar kiya..
"Hum yahan teen saal se atake hue hain.. bas isliye ki tu us se number le sake.. or tujhse wo bhi nahi hua.." Hamare chaaro taraf bheed jama honi shuru ho chuki thi, tabhi usne table par rakha chaaku uthaya or mere seene me utaar diya..
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Hum ab Cafe ke baahar aa chuke the.. Maine uski taraf dekha ab wo bhi meri taraf dekh kar mushkura di.. Maine usse puchha
"Kaisa lag raha hai mera murder karne ke baad? "
"Sach bataun to kaafi achha lag raha hai.. mera saara gussa ab utar chuka hai.. mujhe to ab alag raha hai ki mujhe Stockholm syndrome ho gaya hai.. Tune 3 saal mujhe is cafe me kidnap kar ke rakha, lekin fir bhi tere upar ab gussa nahi aa raha.." Tabhi hamari najar Cafe se baahar aati Shreya par padi..
"Jaa wo baahar aa rahi hai.. Baat kar usse.."
"Achha ye device pakad.. Iske saath jaunga to koi pagal dikhunga.." Main apne haath me pada bag or apni device, Aakansha ko dete hue Shreya ki taraf chala gaya.. wo bhi meri oor hi aa rahi thi..
"Iske bina bhi tu pagal hi dikhta hai.." Mujhe apne pichhe Aakansha ki aawaj sunaai di..
"Hi Shreya! Kya tum thik ho? Main soch raha tha ki.." Is se pahle ki main apni baat poori karta usne kaha,
"Yahi ki.. Kya hum kabhi coffee ke liye mil sakte hain? " Usne mushkuraate hue ek napkin ka tukda meri oor badhya jispar uska number likha tha..
"Main ise save kar leta hun.." Maine jaldi se phone nikaal kar number save kiya or use call kiya.. Usne bhi mera number save kiya or mere gaalon par ek halki kiss karte hue boli..
"Don't stood me up like today! See You! "
"Bye! Milte hain fir.." Main wapas Aakansha ke paas wapas aa gaya..
"Kya baat hai, aaj to ladke ko teen saal baad kissi mili hai.. "
"Mujhe to yakin hi nahi ho raha.. Main usse number mangta usse pahle usne hi mujhe number de diya!"
"To shakal kyun bana raha hai.. Khus ho ja.. or ab mujhe aazaad kar apni is time jail se.. Tune promise kiya tha ki number milne ke baad tu ise tod dega.. Achha ye apna saaman pakad mujhe apne joote ke fite baandhne hain.." usne mujhe Device diya or fir bag bhi jise ab maine ab peeth par latka liya tha.. Tabhi wah boli..
"Abe is time ko save to kar le.. fir ise tod diyo.." Saamne jhuki hu Aakansha ke aage jaane ki koshish me maine sadak par apna kadam rakha or uski baat maante hue apni device ka red button daba diya.. Tabhi saamne se aati mujhe ek roshni dikhi.. ek second bhi nahi hua hoga ki ek bus bilkul mere saamne thi.. Mere jubaan se aakhiri shabd bas yahi nikal sake,
"FUCKKKKKKK! "
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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FUCKKKKKKK!
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∞
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