Thriller Humbug The Great

[syed arshad]

Aaj Raat Fir Jashn Hoga....Hahahaha....Safdar Jung Ne Khahekhaha Lagaya....
Fir
Imran Ki Peet Thonkta Hua Bola....Ladke Main Tumhe Bohath Pasand Karne Laga Hu....Aao....Boy....My Boy....
Aur
Fir....Jashn Mein Sanaullah Shorty Bhi Shareek Hua....
Lekin
Wo Zabardasti Khud Ko Sambhaale Rakhne Ki Koshish Kar Raha Tha....
Aur
Uski Aankhon Keena Tozi (Ghrina) Jhalak Rahi Thi....!

Jashn Kya Tha....Acha-Khaasa Toofaan Badtameezi Tha....Safdar Jung Ke Mulaazimin Bawarchi-Qaane Se Khaali Canister Utha Laye The....
Aur
Peet-Peet Kar Ulte-Seedhe Geet Gaa Rahe The....Ek Hijdhon Ke Se Andaaz Mein Naach Raha Tha....
Fir
Kuch Der Baad Yeh Hungama Khatm Hua....
Aur
Coffee Ka Daur Chalne Laga....!

Isi Dauraan Mein Imran Ne Shaikh Sanaullah Shorty Ko Aankh Maar Di....!

Abay....Tu Kyun Mere Piche Padh Gaya Hai....Wo Daant Pees Kar Cheekha

Kya Baat Hai....? Safdar Jung Chaunk Padha

Aankh Maarta Hai Boss....!

Safdar Jung Ne Khahekhaha Lagaya....
Aur
Der Tak Hansta Raha....!

Dusre Bhi Hans Rahe The....!

Ladke Mere Aadmiyon Mein Shaamil Hona Pasand Karoge....Kuch Der Baad Safdar Jung Ne Imran Se Pucha

Boss....Nina Imran Ke Jawaab Se Pahle Hi Bol Padhi....Hum Nahi Jaante Yeh Kaun Hai....!

 

[syed arshad]

Bakwaas....Wo Haath Jhatak Kar Bola....Yeh Bhi Nahi Jaanta Ke Hum Kaun Hai....!

Main Aap Se Mutafeeq (Sehmat) Nahi Hu....Imran Ne Mayoosana Andaaz Mein Sar Hila Kar Kaha

Kya Matlab....Safdar Jung Mez Par Haath Maar Kar Uski Taraf Mudha

Agar....Main Na Jaanta Hota Ke Yeh Kitni Badi Sarkaar Hai....

Chaaplusi Nahi....Safdar Jung Haath Utha Kar Bola....Hume Koi Bhi Nahi Jaanta....Aaj-Tak Koi Samajh Hi Nahi Sakha Ke Hum Kya Hai....!

Ullu Ke Patte....Nina Ne Dil Mein Kaha
Aur
Imran Bola....Main Aap Ko Samajhne Ki Koshish Karunga....Vaada Karta Hu....Boss....Aap Is Khaabil Hai Ke Saari Duniya Mein Aap Ki Shohrath Ho Jaye....
Aur
Yeh Mumkeen Hai....!

Wo Kiss Tarah....? Safdar Jung Ne Pur Ishtiyaaq Lahje Mein Pucha

Badi Asaani Se....Imran Ne Shaikh Sanaullah Shorty Ko Ghoorte Hue Kaha....
Fir
Uski Taraf Haath Utha Kar Bola....Aise-Aise Naadar Ullu Cow-Boys Paal Rakhe Hai Aap Ne Bhala Yeh Kiss Din Kaam Ayenge....!

Fir Mujhse Bola....Sanaullah Shorty Fir Jhigadak Padha

Chup Bay....Khamoshi Se Sun....Safdar Jung Us Par Ulat Padha....Chandh Lamhe Use Khoonkhaar Nazron Se Ghoorta Raha....
Fir
Imran Se Bola....Bayaan Jaari Rahe....!

 

[syed arshad]

Publicity....Imran Faqriya Andaaz Mein Sar Hila Kar Bola....Yeh Item Ka Zamaana Hai....Wo Zamaana Guzar Gaya Jab Shohrath Logon Ke Piche Daudti Thi....Ab Shohrath Ke Piche Daudna Padhta Hai....Misaal Ke Taur Par Miss Tamancha Khan Agar Filmo Mein Kaam Na Karne Lage To Bhala Unhe Kaun Jaanta....Bas Apne Dere Par Hi Thumak-Thumak Kiya Karti....!

Magar....Hum Apni Publicity Kiss Tarah Karaye....?

Yeh Rahi Aap Ki Publicity....Imran Ne Sanaullah Shorty Ki Taraf Ungli Utha Kar Kaha

Jo Is Waqt Ek Haath Se Daadhi Sahe Laa Raha Tha....
Aur
Dusre Haath Se Munde Hue Sar Par Champi Kar Raha Tha....!

Main Tumhe Goli Maar Dunga....Wo Dono Haath Mez Par Patak Kar Bola

Main Is Par Bhi Tayyaar Hu....Kyun Boss....Chale Lawn Par....Imran Ne Safdar Jung Se Pucha

Nahi....Pahle Publicity Ka Tareeqa Batao....!

Imran Khamoshi Se Coffee Peeta Raha....Uske Chahre Par Himaakhat Ke Asaar Nahi The....Is Waqt Wo Shoq Aur Khalandar Ladka Maalum Ho Raha Tha....!

Hairath Angez Cheezein Bohath Jaldi Mashoor Ho Jati Hai....Imran Kuch Der Baad Bola....Misaal Ke Taur Par....Ek Sadak Par Rawaana Hazaaron Aadmi Geerte Hai....
Lekin
Koi Unki Janib Mutawajah (Attract) Nahi Hota....Acha....Farz Ki Jiye....Aap Ki Nazar Se Koi Aisa Aadmi Guzre Jo Behathreen Suit Pahene Aur Gale Mein Phate-Puraane Jooton Ka Haar Latkaye Sadak Par Guzre....To Uska Kya Haal Hoga....Bheedh Lag Jayegi Na....!

Abay....Kyun Meri Meetti Paleed Karayega....Haraamzade....Shorty Apna Seena Peet Kar Dahaada

Dhakke De Kar Bahar Nikalwa Dunga....Safdar Jung Ghurraya....Tum Khamosh Kyun Nahi Rahte....!

Nina Betahaasha Hans Rahi Thi....
Aur
Imran Sheedath Se Sanjheeda Nazar Aa Raha Tha....!

Kuch Der Baad Safdar Jung Fir Jawaab Talab Nazron Se Uski Taraf Mutawajah Hua To....Usne Badi Aajzi (Vinamrata) Se Kaha....Main Ab Kuch Na Kahunga....!

 

[syed arshad]

Nahi....Kehna Padhega....Safdar Jung Zaano Par Haath Maar Kar Ghurraya

Acha To Suniye....Shaikh Sanaullah Shorty Ki Tasveerein Akhbaaron Mein Chapni Chahiye....Aisi Halath Mein Ke Jism Par Cow-Boy Suit Ho....
Aur
Gardan Mein Dholak Latak Rahi Ho....!

Nina Fir Hansne Lagi....
Aur
Shaikh Sanaullah Shorty Ke Halaq Se Aisi Awaazein Nikalne Lagi Jaise Do Kutte Aapas Mein Ladh Rahe Ho....
Ghaliban
Use Is Hadh Tak Ghussa Aa Gaya Tha Ke Izhaar-E-Khayal Ke Liye Lafz Hi Nahi Mil Rahe The....!

Kya Baat Hui....Safdar Jung Aankhein Nikaal Kar Ghurraya....Humara Mazaaq Udhana Chahte Ho....!

Sarkaar....Imran Haath Jodh Kar Khada Ho Gaya....Puri Baat Sun Li Jiye....Jo Kuch Kahe Raha Hu....Uske Liye Daleel Bhi Rakhta Hu....!

Bako....Lekin....Mujhe Mutmayeen (Santusht) Na Kar Sakhe To Khaal Khinchwaunga....!

Meri Khaal Ke Zanana Sandle Nihayath Sabak Raftaar Honge....
Lekin
Khair....Haa To....Main Guzaarish Kar Raha Tha....
Lekin
Thaheriye....Pahle Hi Arz Kar Chuka Hu Ke Ajeeb-O-Ghareeb Cheezein Khaabil-E-Tawajjah (Attract) Hoti Hai....
Aur
Humesha Zaheno Mein Cheepki Rahti Hai....Us Dholak Wali Tasveer Ke Niche Likha Hua Hona Chahiye Ke Yeh Nawab Safdar Jung Bahadur Ke Ek Aise Shikaari Ki Tasveer Hai Jo Hairath Angez Taur Par Tanha Sher Ka Shikaar Karta Hai....
Yani
Dholak Baja-Baja Kar Khud Hi Haank Karta Hai....
Aur
Fir....Sher Ko Goli Bhi Khud Hi Maar Deta Hai....Machaan Par Kabhi Nahi Baithta....
Lekin
Sher Ko Maar Dene Ke Baad Na Jane Kyun Kutton Ki Tarah Bhonkne Lagta Hai....Tahelka Mach Jayega Duniya Mein....Zara Meri Tajveez (Prastav) Par Amal Kar Ke To Dekhiye....!

Safdar Jung Chandh Lamhe Kuch Sonchta Raha....
Fir
Betahaasha Hansne Laga....!

Behathreen Tafreeh (Manoranjan)....Wo Apne Khahekhahon Par Qaabu Paane Ki Koshish Karta Hua Bola....Waqai Hum Khush Hue....Aisa Hi Hoga....Oh Boy....Tum Aaj Se Humare Azeez Tareen (Pyare) Saathi Ho....!

Fir Wo Khamosh Ho Kar Sonchne Laga....Uski Nigaah Nina Ke Chahre Par Jam Kar Rahe Gayi Thi....
Aur
Shorty Qahar Aalud Nazron Se Imran Ko Ghoore Jaa Raha Tha....!

 

[syed arshad]

Kuch Der Khamoshi Rahi....
Aur Fir
Achanak....Safdar Jung Bola....
Lekin
Tum Meri Secretary Se Ishq Karne Ki Koshish Nahi Karoge Samjhe....Jawaan Aadmi....!

Inse Ishq Karunga....Imran Ne Haqarath Amaiz Lahje Mein Kaha....Abhi Inki Umar Hi Kya Hai....Arey Janab....70-70 Saal Ki Budhiyan Piche Lagi Rahti Hai....
Magar
Main Kisi Ko Lift Nahi Deta....Waise Mujhe Apni Bakri Ke Alawa Aaj-Tak Kisi Aur Se Ishq Nahi Hua....
Kyun Ke
Wo Subaah-Shaam Dhai Ser Doodh Deti Hai....Alhamdullilah....!

Nina Sharm Aur Jhallahat Ke Mile-Jhule Asaarath Ke Tahat Uthi....
Aur
Tezi Se Hall Se Nikal Gayi....!

Yeh Hungama 1 Baje Raat Se Zyada Na Rahe Sakha....
Kyun Ke
Safdar Jung Din Bhar Ka Thaka Hua Tha....!

Waise Imran To Yahi Samjha Tha Ke Raat Bhar Jashn Wali Dhamki Ko Amal Jama Zaroor Pahenaya Jayega....Usne Bhi Itminaan Ki Saans Liya....
Aur
Kamre Mein Chala Aya....Jo Chacha-Bhateeje Ko Shab (Raat) Basri Ke Liye Mila Tha....!

 

[syed arshad]

Dr Dawar Jo Bechaini Se Thahel Rahe The....Imran Ko Dekh Kar Ruk Gaye....Chandh Lamhe Imran Ko Ghoorte Rahe....
Fir
Bharrayi Hui Awaaz Mein Bole....Yeh Kiss Janjaal Mein Phansaya Tum Ne....Ab Yahan Se Nikalne Ki Kya Surat Hogi....
Magar
Kyun....Main To Yeh Dekh Raha Hu Ke Tum Khud Hi Yahan Uljhe Rehna Chahte Ho....!

Aaj-Kal Mera Dimaagh Qaabu Mein Nahi....Yeh To Aap Jaante Hi Hai....Imran Muskuraya

Mujhe Yaqeen Nahi....!

Kuch Der Khamoshi Rahi....
Fir
Imran Palang Par Dher Hota Hua Bola....Aakhir Aap Kya Chahte Hai....?

Hume Wapas Chalna Chahiye....Dr Dawar Fikrmand Andaaz Mein Bole....
Fir
Ek Beek Chaunk Kar Imran Se Puch Baithe....Wahan Tumhe Kaun Laya Tha....?

Kya Aap Bhi Mere Isi Sawaal Ka Jawaab De Sakhenge....Imran Ne Pucha

Main Jaanta Ek Raat Sukoon Se Soya Hua Tha....Aankh Khuli To Tahe-Qaane Mein Tha....Mere Khuda....Tum Kaise Un Logon Ke Hatthe Lag Gaye The....!

Main Bhi Nahi Jaanta....Rani Sajeed Nagar Ke Mahel Mein Soya Tha....Jhonpdhon Ke Khwaab Dekh Raha Tha Ke Kisi Ne Ghalthi Se Us Makhbare Mein Pahuncha Diya....!

Rani Sajeed Nagar Ke Mahel Mein....Dr Dawar Ne Hairath Se Kaha....
Fir
Kuch Puchna Chahte The Ke Imran Bol Padha....Is Dauraan Kabhi Kisi Koobdhe Se Mulaakhaat Hui Thi....Matlab Yeh Ke Us Tahe-Qaane Mein Pahunchne Se Pahle Ya Baad Mein....!

Nahi....Kabhi Nahi....Kyun....!

Kuch Nahi....Imran Kisi Sonch Mein Doob Gaya....Thodi Der Khamosh Raha....
Fir
Sar Utha Kar Pucha....Aap Ka Wo Telescope Camera Kahan Hai....Jiss Se Aap Ne Be-Awaaz Sayyaareh Ki Tasveerein Li Thi....!

Mehfooz Hai....Tum Uski Fikr Na Karo....Wo Log Mujhe Tahe-Qaane Mein Qaid Kar Dene Ke Bawajood Bhi Uske Mutaleekh (Sambhandit) Kuch Na Ugalwa Sakhe....Dr Dawar Ne Fakhriya Lahje Mein Kaha

Hmmm....Imran Daant Par Daant Jama Kar Bola....Usi Khala (Space) Kaar Maade (Padaarth) Ki Tarah Mehfooz Hoga Jise Theresia Bumble-Bee Of Bohemia Udha Le Gayi Thi....!

Oohh....Dr Dawar Thahelte-Thahelte Ruk Gaye....Unke Chahre Par Sar Sahemgi Ke Asaar The....!

Fir Batao....Main Kya Karu....Wo Bharrayi Hui Awaaz Mein Bole

Apni Pahli Fursath Mein Mujhe Us Jagaah Ka Pata Bataiye Jahan Aap Ne Use Chupaya Hai....!

Observatory Hi Mein Ek Jagaah....

Imran Is Tarah Karaahaa Jaise Kisi Sar Par Dhap Raseed Kar Di Ho....!

Kyun....Kya Baat Hai....Dr Dawar Baukhla Gaye

Jo Log Aap Ko Ghayab Kar Sakhte....Kya Wo Use Talaash Na Kar Sakhenge....Ho Sakhta Hai....Ke Unhone Itminaan Se Talaashi Jaari Rakhne Ke Liye Aap Ko Wahan Se Hataya Ho.....!

 

[syed arshad]

Achanak Kisi Ne Darwaaze Par Dastak Di....!

Kaun Hai....Dr Dawar Chaunk Padhe

Darwaaza Kholo....Bahar Se Awaaz Ayi

Imran Khud Utha....
Aur
Dr Dawar Ko Baith Jane Ka Ishaara Kar Ke Darwaaze Ki Taraf Badh Gaya....!

Bahar Se Dastak Dene Wala Munshi Karamat Ali Hardy Tha....Wo Un Dono Ko Ghoorta Hua Kamre Mein Daakhil Hua....Yeh Ek Kamseen Aadmi Tha....
Lekin
Is Waqt Aisa Maalum Ho Raha Tha Jaise Kisi Aatish-Fishaan (Jhwala-Mukhi) Ki Tarah Phat Padega....!

Tum Apne Ko Kya Samajhte Ho....Wo Imran Ki Taraf Mukka Taan Kar Dahaada

Kya Baat Hai Pyare....Kyun Khafa Ho Rahe Ho....Imran Muskura Kar Bola

Main Tumhe Goli Maar Dunga....Lafange Ho Tum....Badmaash....Awaara....Mere Boss Ke Saath Kisi Qism Ka Fraud Karoge....Tum Log Meestry Nahi Ho....Pichle Ek Saal Se Aaj-Tak Balanagar Aur Sajeed Nagar Ke Darmiyaan Traffic Ka Koi Haadsa Nahi Hua....!

Tumhe Yeh Ittela Apne Boss Ko Hi Deni Chahiye Thi....Bhala Mujhe Batane Se Kya Faida....Imran Ne Laparwaahi Se Shaano Ko Jumbeesh Di

Ab Wo Kisi Ki Kuch Nahi Sunenge....Tum Pakke Chaalbaaz Aur Makkaar Ho....Wo Kahte Hai....Kuch Bhi Ho Main Us Nau-Jawaan Se Dur Hona Pasand Na Karunga....!

Aqlmand Aadmi Hai....Imran Sar Hilaya

Arey....Idhar Dekho....Munshi Karamat Ali Hardy Fir Use Ghoonsa Dikha Kar Bola....
Agar
Tum Ne Hum Logon Se Chedh-Chaadh Ki To Acha Na Hoga....!

Kya Tum Logon Mein Wo Ladki Bhi Shaamil Hai....Imran Ne Badi Sadathmandi Se Pucha

Pahle To Karamat Ali Hardy Kuch Na Samjha....
Lekin
Fir....Is Tanz (Vyang) Ka Nokeelapan Zahen Ke Kisi Kone Se Takraya To Wo Imran Par Jhapat Padha....!

Janab....Janab....Dr Dawar Dono Ke Darmiyaan Aate Hue Gidhgidhaye

Tum Hatt Jao Bade Miya....Karamat Ali Hardy Unhe Hatane Ki Koshish Karta Hua Bola
Lekin
Wo Bhi Bhaari Jism Ke Aadmi The....!

Aap Suniye To Sahi....Dr Dawar Ne Fir Narmi Se Kaha

Oh Dost....Daftan Imran Munshi Karamat Ali Hardy Ka Haath Pakadh Kar Bola....Hum Kahin Alag Chal Kar Samajh-Boojh Le....
Fir
Dr Dawar Se Kaha....Chacha Jaan Aap Yahin Thaheriye....Main Abhi Wapas Aa Jaunga....!

 

[Naina]

 

[syed arshad]

Wo Dono Kamre Se Nikal Kar Porch Mein Aye....Yahan Do Mulaazeem Chaukidari Ke Farayaz Anjaam De Rahe The....!

Jao....Karamal Ali Hardy Haath Hila Kar Unse Bola....Hum Yahan Kuch Guftgu Karna Chahte Hai....Tum Ne Rakhwali Ke Kutte Khol Diye Hai Ya Nahi....!

Dono Chaukidar Sar Hila Kar Wahan Se Chale Gaye....!

Suno Chalaak Aadmi....Karamat Ali Hardy Ne Kuch Der Baad Kaha....Abhi Humare Haath Mein Ek Card Baaqi Hai....Hum Tumhe Jahannum Pahuncha Denge....!

Wo Kaun Sa Card Hai Pyare Munshi Ji....!

Abhi Hum Ne Ek Khaas Baat Ki Taraf Boss Ki Tawajjah (Dhyan) Nahi Dilayi....!

Yaar....Wo Khaas Bhi Jaldi Se Bata Daalo....Imran Ne Mazaaqiya Andaaz Mein Kaha
Aur
Munshi Karamat Ali Hardy Ka Ghussa Intehai Hadh Ko Pahunchne Laga....!

Tum Dono Bhi Un Namaalum Aadmiyon Se Taalooq Rakhte Ho Jo Hum Se Yeh Kothi Khaali Kara Lena Chahte Hai....Jahan Maine Is Tarah Tawajjah Dilayi....Tumhari Khaal Khinchwali Jayegi....Samjhe....
Aur
Mujhe Yaqeen Hai Ke Tum Dono Unhi Mein Se Ho....!

Imran Ne Lambi Saans Li....
Aur
Munshi Karamat Ali Ne Ek Zaheerila Khahekhahe Ke Baad Kaha....
Lekin
Main Tum Jaise Hakheer (Tooch) Aadmiyon Par Ehsaan Karna Chahta Hu....!

Oohhhooo....To Ehsaan Karne Se Pahle Uski Nauyath Bhi Bata Jao....!

Jao....Jitni Jaldi Ho Sakhe Yahan Se Chale Jao....
Kyun Ke
Main Aaj-Kal Laashein Dekhne....
Aur
Unhe Dafan Karne Ke Mood Mein Nahi Hu....Tum Dono Yahin Kahin Dafan Kar Diye Jaoge....
Aur
Kisi Ko Kaan-O-Kaan Khabar Na Hogi....!

Arey Baapre....Imran Khauffzada Andaaz Mein Larazne Laga

Munshi Karamat Ali Hardy Ne Fir Khahekhaha Lagaya....!

 

[syed arshad]

Aye Munshi Ji....Aye Munshi Ji....Rahem Karo Humare Haal Par....Imran Gidhgidhaya....Kaan Pakadhta Hu Ke Ab Tum Dono Se Nahi Uljhunga....!

Aur Dusri Baat....Munshi Karamat Ali Hardy Laparwaahi Se Bola....Yeh Bhi Mumkeen Hai Ke Shorty Tumhe Goli Maar De....Wo Bada Keena Toz Aadmi Hai....!

Fir Hume Kya Karna Chahiye....Imran Ne Bade Sadathmand Andaaz Mein Pucha

Bhaag Jao....Jitni Jaldi Mumkeen Ho Sakhe....Main Is Puri Bheedh Mein Sabse Zyada Shareef Aadmi Hu....!

Magar....Is Waqt Raat Ko....!

Subaah Ko Sahi....Karamat Ali Sar Hila Kar Bola

Imran Kuch Kahne Hi Wala Tha Ke Andar Se Ek Cheekh Sunayi Di....
Fir
Aisa Maalum Hone Laga Jaise Kuch Aadmiyon Ne Aapas Mein Dhakka-Mukki Shuru Kar Di Ho....!

Oohh....To Fir Wahi....Karamat Ali Kehta Hua Sadar Darwaaze Ki Taraf Jhapta

Na Jane Kyun Imran Mehsoos Kar Raha Tha Jaise Wo Cheekh Dr Dawar Ki Rahi Ho....Wo Bhi Karamat Ali Ke Piche Jhapta....!

Andar Andhera Tha....
Aur
Haatha-Paayi Ki Awaazein Ab Bhi Aa Rahi Thi....
Achanak
Kisi Kone Se Safdar Jung Ki Garjadar Awaaz Ubhri....Khabardar....Goli Maar Dunga....Jo Jahan Hai....Wahin Thahere....!