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Fantasy Immortals
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बहुत ही कमाल लिखा है, पर मैं ये देख रहा हूँ की अगर slayer मुख्य पात्र है तो उसकी अपनी सोच और भावनाएँ अभी तक सामने नहीं आयी है, और वो 18 साल का था तो उसका दिमाग़ पहले से ही विकसित था।
ip का पात्र भी मुझे अच्छा लगा, बेशक स्कूल की principal है, पर फिर भी emotional है, और दूसरों की मदद करना चाहती है,
विराज का पात्र अभी भी पूरा नहीं पता चला, उसकी backstory होनी चाहिए, एक शक्तिशाली जादूगर, जो sofia के चंगुल में कैसे फँसा
चलो आगे देखते है क्या होता है
SHADOW KING
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nice update ..ye leemo ke aadmiyo ko kisne itni berahami se maara jiska pata abhi tak kisiko nahi hai ...Update - 74
Earth se dur.....Strange world mein......Subah ka waqt tha.....
Leemo apne ek adde pe tha.....aur wahi khada sab dekh raha tha.....4 lashen padhi hui thi waha pe......Archery society ke logo ki....
Bahut hi ajeeb tarah se maara tha unko......dono haath kaat diye gaye the kandhe se hi...aur fir unko aapas mein badal diya tha....left wale haath ko right wale ke pass aur right wale ko left wale ke pass....
Leemo - Kuch pata chala kaun aaya tha yaha.....
"Nahi.....abhi tak kuch pata nahi chala hai....ye log jo maare gaye hai ye storng the.....isko aisa maar dena.....mujhe lagta hai koi bahut takatwar aaya hoga yaha pe....."
Leemo - iss jagah se kuch gayab nahi hua hai.....upar se inn jagahon ke baare mein kisi ko pata bhi nahi hota hai.....phir ye khooni yaha aaya kaha se.....pata karo inn sab ko kaun kaun sa kaam diya gaya tha...aur yaha ka pahredaar kaun tha.....
"pahredaar bhi yahi pe marra pada hai....usne kisi ko nahi choda hai....jaha tak aapne chizzen gayab hone ke baare mein kaha hai sab kuch apne jagah pe hi hai.....aur wo jo koi bhi tha yaha kaise aaya iske baare mein to kuch pata hi nahi hai..."
Leemo - hmm tum ab sabse pahle ye pata karo ki inn sab ko kis kis kaam pe lagaya gaya tha.....aur haa sabhi addon ki suraksha aur badhao....aur wo list pata hai naa tumko...jisme society ke sabhi logo ka naam hai....uss list ko...usko abhi ke abhi mere pass leke aao....wo surakshit nahi hai yaha pe....humko usse kahi aur leke jaana hoga....
"Ji main karta hu..."
Leemo itna bol ke waha se ek baar unn laashon ki taraf dekh ke nikal gaya......
Ghar pe hum sab ko subah subah hi nikal diya gaya tha.....Dadu aur Chachu bhi kahi saath mein nikal gaye the.....Chachi ne kaha tha humse ki uss Pankaj ko bhi call karke apne saath lele.....par wo aaya hi nahi.....usko jab Bua ne call kiya to usne bol diya usko School jaana hai kuch padhayi karni hai....Ajeeb to laga Bua ko ye sunke...par wo sochi sach mein badal raha hai ye to disturb nahi karte hai.....
Hum sab Rupal didi ke saath aaj India ke hi apne ek Hotel mein pahuche hue the.....Bua aur K.Bua ko Rupal Didi aur Nikita ka caretaker bana diya gaya tha....aur main...main bekkar mein aaya hua tha yaha pe....
Ye log business ko leke baatein kar rahe the....aur mujhe inn sab mein bilkul bhi interest nahi tha....Maine kaha ki main kahi aur chala jaata hu...par ye bol ke rokk diya ki aage jaake mujhe bhi to inn sab mein aana hi hai to dekh ke sikhne ki koshish karu....
Baari baari se log aate gaye....wo sab aate aur apna plan hum sabhi ko batate....plans bhi ajeeb ajeeb se the.....koi kuch leke aata to koi kuch.....ek bande ne aisa plan dikhaya ki humko apne hotels ko Kabristaan jaisa theme de dena chahiye....
Manna ki thoda darawana dikhana tha usko.....jisse agar waha pe asal ke bhi magical creatures aa jaaye insano ke saamne to unko bas yahi lagega ki ye to costume mein hai....par itna bhi nah karna tha....
Main waha pe thodi der aur rukta par usse pahle hi Old Owl ka message aaya......
Usne bataya ki Strange world mein kuch gadbad hui hai.....
Maine inn sab ko iss baare mein bataya aur waha se nikal gaya.....iss baar inn sab ne bhi nahi rooka inko ab pata jo chal gaya tha ki Nikita bhi mere behalf mein Jwala se kaam kara sakti thi.....to jab mann kiya ye tapak padenge waha pe...par abhi inko yaha pe kuch aur hi karna tha.....
Main jhat se pahuch gaya Old owl ke pass.....
Main - hmm puri baat batao....
Old Owl - Pichle 2-3 raaton se waha pe kuch gadbad chal rahi hai....
Main - kaisi gadbad aur iss baare mein mujhe kabhar kyun nahi milli hai....
Old Owl - Main to yaha tha aaram kar raha tha....aur mere jagah pe jo waha pe tha.....usne jaisi report di thi uske hisab se sab theek hi tha bas thodi bahut chizzen yaha waha thi....aur kal ka to tumko pata hi hai.....kal sabhi apna apna kaam chod ke yaha aa gaye the.....bas issi mein waha pe ye sab ho gaya....
Main - aur ye ye sab se kya matlab hai tumhara....waha pe hua kya hai asal mein.....
Old Owl - pahle to tumhari uss insan ke kaarname ke wajah se hum bach bhi gaye aur sayad fans bhi gaye hai...ispe abhi thodi confusion hai.....par saath hi leemo ke 4 log maare gaye hai kal raat mein.....
Main - Kya......Archery society ke log maare gaye....aur iss baare mein ab pata chal raha hai mujhe.....subah se abhi tak iss baare mein kyun nahi bataya....
Old Owl - wo darasal sabhi apne apne pariwar walo ke pass aaye the....aur kal jo kuch bhi hua tha uske baad maine sabhi ko kuch waqt ke liye unke kaamon se mukt kar diya tha,.....aur itne mein ye sab ho gaya....
Main - Abhi waha sab kaisa hai.....aur Leemo kya kar raha hai....kuch pata chala ki kaun tha wo jisne ye khoon kiye hai....
Old Owl - Nahi....iss baare mein maine kuch log bheje hai.....wo apna kaam kar rahe hai....par....abhi tak to kuch nahi milla hai.....
Main - Elf king yaa Yuvraj ka haath to nahi hai isme.....yaa fir koi aur hi.....
Old Owl - Elf king......wo bhala aisa kuch kyun karenge.....wo to madad maang rahe the naa.....
Main - inn bade logo ki soch ke baare mein kuch naa kaha jaa sakta hai.....ye bade log bade ajeeb hote hai.....khair....mujhe inn dono ke har ek movement ki khabar chahiye....aur khabar sirf mujhe milegi...aisa naa ho ki pahlle kahi aur khabar jaaye aur fir mujhe mille....isse baatein badal jaati hai.....
Old Owl - tum aisa kah ke mere pure samudaay pe ilzaam laga rahe ho....
Main - ye fact hai ye baatein har jagah hoti hai main sirf tumhe aur tumhare logo ko nahi bol raha.....ab jo kaha hai wo karo....aur ab aaram khatam ho gaya hai tumhara....kaam pe lago....
Old Owl waha se jaane laga....
Main - Ek minute aur uss insani ladki....uska kya bataya tha......
Old Owl - Usne hamla kiya tha.....Yuvraj pe.....aur sunne mein aaya hai usne koi cheez chura li hai unse....
Main - hmm to kya churaya usse.....
Old Owl - ek pankh...kal jiski maut hui thi ussi ki pankh chori ki thi usne aur apne Guru ko de di thi.....wo Nix mandir ka pujari hai.....humko shaq ho raha hai ki uss pujari ne sab dekh liya hai....
Main - kaise.....aur iss shaq ko confirm karne ke baare mein socho jisse....aage kya kiya jaaye ye soch paye hum.....wapas se sab kuch turant setup nahi kar sakte hum.....
Old Owl - Hmm theek hai....
Wo waha se chala gaya.....
Maine socha waha meeting mein janna ekdum se bekar hai.....Main Leemo se milne chala jaata hu......sayad uski kuh madad ki kar saku....
Main Jwala ke pass gaya aur usko portal kholne ke liye kaha....Strange world ke liye....
Hum dono shidhe Leemo ke pass pahuche......Leemo Jwala ko nahi dekh sakta tha.....
Lemmo - Arre aap.....main abhi aap jaise hi kisi ko milna chahta tha....
Main - Hmm maine sunna tumhare 4 logo ki maut ho gaye hai....
Leemo - Hatya hui hai unki.....jisne bhi kiya hai wo bachega nahi.....
Main - Haa aur isme main bhi madad karunga.....waise mujh jaise kisi ko kyun dhundh rahe the koi kaam tha kya.....
Usne apne kapdon mein chuppa rakhi ek choti si kitab mujhe di.....ye ek dairy thi....
Main - Ye kya hai aur mujhe kyun de rahe ho.....
Leemo - Ye hamare Society ka granth hai....hum ispe haath rakhne ke baad hi iss society meinn aate hai...aur hum sab ka naam usme aa jaata hai....ye kitab sayad yaha pe surakshit nahi hai.....isko aap apne pass rakhiye....jab ye khooni mil jaayega tab Main khud ye aapse le lunga.....
Main - Par iske naa hone se tum naye logo ko kaise le sakoge.....
Leemo - abhi kisi ko society mein nahi lena hai.....aur pramukh logo ki sabhi jagah bhi bhari hui hai....aap leke jaao isko...aur apne pass rakhna....
Main - hmm theek hai....par iski jarurat nahi padni chahiye.....
Leemo - nahi ye yaha pe surakshit nahi hai leke jaaiye aap isko.....
Maine usse wo kitab le liya.....aur thodi der yaha waha ki baatein kari usse......
Thodi der ke baad maine Jwala ko bolke Earth ke liye nikal gaya....
Wahi subah se Pankaj aur Leader bhi baatein kar rahe the......
Pankaj ko Leader ne apne energy ka signature de diya tha.....aur Pankaj bhi usko leke aaj School gaya hua tha......
School mein inn dinno mein waise bhi jyada log hote nahi hai....upar se ye to Prof Daksh ke ladke thahre....to baaki ke prof.s se yaa staff members se baatein hoti rahti thi.....bas issi ka use karte hue wo pata lagane lag gaya inn sab ke baare mein......ek junior staff member ke saath Records room mein jaake usne check karna shuru kiya.....Energy signatures ko bhi check karna koi aasan kaam to hoti nahi hai....aur upar se ye ek student tha ye......usne sabse pahle to ladkiyon ka data ek taraf kiya....aur uss data ko dekhne ke baad to usne apna sar patak liya,....bahut jyada deta tha wo....aur isko sabhi ke energy signatures ko dekhna tha......
Ek energy signature ko dekhne mein hi kamse kam 20 minute lagte the....aur jitna data tha yaha pe utna check karne ke liye agar binna khana khaye aur soye bhi dekhe to kam se kam 4 saal lag jaana tha
Pankaj - aap mere kaam ko shuru kariye....par ye kisi ko pata nahi chalna chahiye......
SM - Par yaar isme waqt bahut lagne wala hai.....koi aur chizz nahi hai kya....
Pankaj - Hota to Main aapko nahi batata....Main bhi isko jaldi dhundhna chahta hu....kisi ke liye bahut khass hai ye.....
SM - Chalo theek hai hum ye kar dete hai....par aap bhi wo chutti wali baat thoda Papa ko yaad dilaiyega....unke kahne se chances badh jaayenge.....humko jaana hai kuch waqt ke liye apne ghar....
Pankaj - Arre Main iska pura dhyaan rakhunga...aur pahli baar thodi hai apna....
Ghar pe alag hi sab chal raha hai.....Dadi aur Chachi dono hi ghar ke bilkul bich mein baithi hui hai.....aur koi viddhi kar rahi hai....aag nahi jal rahi waha pe par pure ghar mein dhunwa sa phaila hua tha.....aur ye inka jab se hum sab bahar gaye the tab se chal raha tha......ab to waise bhi dopaher ka waqt ho gaya tha.....
Wo Dhuwan ab lagbhag pure ghar mein har ek kone tak chala gaya tha....saath mein picche wala garden aur uske alawa aage ke garden ka kuch hissa bhi uske pass aa gaya tha......
Chachi ab khadi hoti hai.....aur apne haathon se ussi dhuwen mein kuch banane lagti hai....jaha jaha pe wo hath leke jaati waha waha se dhuwan hat jaata aisa lag raha tha jaise koi dwaring bana rahi ho wo.....Fir Dadi bhi khadi hoti hai aur wo bhi yahi karne lagti hai.....thodi der aisa karne ke baad....wo dhuwan gayab hone lag jaata hai.....
Chachi - Maa 3 jagah.....
Dadi - hmm mujhe bhi aisa hi lagta hai......ek to iss Prateek ke room mein hai....ek saamne wale garden mein.....aur ek hamara wala.....
Chachi - Maa Prateek ke room mein to wahi aaya tha ek do baar.....wo maine aapko bataya bhi tha naa wo sikh raha tha aur usse yaha aa gaya tha.....aur wo bahar garden wala bhi ussi ka hoga....wo uss din yaad hai naa.....aur apna wala to humhi sab ka hai naa....
Dadi - Nitya matlab samajh rahi ho....wo shaitaan yaha hamare liye hi aaya tha.....par itne waqt baad kyun.....
Chachi - Maa maine aapse aur Papa se kaha bhi tha.....ki unn sab ko humko bhej dena chahiye.....sayad ye wala shaitaan koi plan bana raha ho.....sayad wo uske yaha hone ka saboot mitana chahta ho....
Dadi - Maine bhi tumhare Papa se baat kari thi iss baare mein....par tum bhi jaanti ho.....wo sunte kaha hai.....lekin ab to sunna hi padega hamare baccho pe baat aa gayi hai....agar uss shaitaan ne unpe hamla kiya hota to.....
CHachi - Haa Maa main bhi yahi kah rahi hu....hume jaldi se unn sab ka pata laga ke unko bhejna hoga yaha se.....
Dadi - Kal Raat hi baat hui hai iss baare mein.....aaj Satya aur Ye ussi ke liye gaye hai.....abhi to uss shaitaan ke thikane pe gaye honge.....waha se pata karne ki ye chahta kya tha....aur baaki ke shaitaano ke baare mein bhi aisa hi hai....hum unko bhi hatta hi denge yaha se.....ab koi risk nahi le sakte hum.....
Chachi - Maa Poonam ab badi ho chuki hai sayad wo......
Dadi - Nahi......inn sab mein ab ghar ka koi aur nahi aana chahiye.....hum char hi bacche hai jo ye sab jaante hai aur hum char hi rahne chahiye....ye nuber badhni nahi chahiye....humne unko yaha pe laaya tha hum unko bhaga bhi sakte hai....aur khabardaar jo Poonam yaa kisi aur ko inn sab ke baare mein bataya hai to....ab chalo.....iss viddhi ko pura karte hai....wo sab shaam tak aa bhi jaayenge....
Chachi - ji theek hai....
Chachi ne kisi se nahi kaha tha ki unhone ye saari baatein apne Mom Dad se yaa fir Nikita se kahi hui hai.....
Dono hi wapas se ussi jagah pe baith jaate hai aur baithte hi dhuwan wapas aa jaata hai aur phir ye dono kuch karne lag jaati hai....iss dauraan uss dhuwen ka rang badal raha tha baar baar badal raha tha....
Inn sab se dur...Chacha ji aur Dada ji uss shaitan ke baare mein pata lagane gaye hue the.....unko ye nahi pata tha wo rahta kaha hai....par wo ye jaante the ki uska theekana kaise dhundhna hai.....pahli baat ye maans khane wala shaitaan tha...to unn ilako mein jaane ka jaha pe log maare jaa rahe ho....yaa gayab ho jaa rahe ho.....ab aise mein to bahut se jungle bhi aa jaayenge....jungli jaanwar bhi to maans khate hai....par inn dono ne iske baare mein bhi soch rakha tha......jaha kahi bhi ye shiatan rahta hai waha par ki hawa mein ek ajeeb si mahek hoti hai....shikar ko lubhane ke liye.....wahi mahek jiski wajah se Albus jaa pahucha tha iske pass......Ab Albus ki smelling strength bahut jyada thi itni to inki thi nahi to inhone pahle wo jagahin chunni jaha pe log gayab ho jaa rahe the....aur fir unn jagahon pe jaake check karne lage....par ye kaam bahut waqt lene wala tha....to sham hone tak inhone madad ke liye kuch log ikatha kar liye....aur unko unka kaam samjjha ke ye ghar ko nikal liye......
Yaha Main jab Meeting wale jagah pe wapas aaya to dekha waha pe DB baitha hua tha.....uske saath mein ek aadmi bhi tha pata nahi kaun tha wo......wo dono waiting room mein baithe hue the apne number ka wait kar rahe the.......
Sayad DB ko hamare ghar ke business ke baare mein bilkul hi nahi pata tha....yaa wo ye nahi jaanta tha jaha pe wo aaya hua hai wo hamara hotel tha.....Main interview wale room ki oor jaa raha tha ki uspe nazar padi meri....
Main - Ye DB yaha kya kar raha hai.....
Pahle maine wo dairy apni pocket mein rakhi....aur phir uske pass gaya...
Main - DB tum yaha....
DB ne pahle to ek baar mujhe acche se dekha...uske baad usne uss aadmi ko dekha jiske saath wo aaya tha.....
DB -(thoda hichkichate hue) haa wo main inka assistant ban ke aaya hu....
Raj kumar bana Assistant
Main - Par kis liye....
Wo aadmi - Hum yaha pe apne designs dikhane aaye hai...iss hotel ke owners ne apne kuch hotels ko modify karne ke baare mein socha hai thoda ajeeb sa look dene ke baare mein....to Main aa gaya yaha pe....isko leke....waise tum isko kaise jaante ho.....
Main - wo ye mera dost hai.....accha kya kaha aapne ek baar aur batana....
Aadmi - yaha pe designs dikhane aaya hu.....freelancer hu naa....
Main - hmmm to aapka number nahi aaya abhi tak....aap rukko main dekhta hu....
Main unn dono ko wahi chod ke ander chala gaya room mein....mujhe jaate hue dekh dono ajeeb sa muh bana rahe the par ab kya hi kar sakte hai.....
Main - Didi abhi tak chal raha hai ye.....
Rupal didi - Inse hi puccho.....chotu 3 designs pasand aaye hai humko....par ye dono hai ki.....thoda aur dekh lete hai.....kya pata kuch naya aur unique mil jaaye....inke naye aur unique ke chakkar mein sar dard karne lag gaya hai......
Nikita - Bua ab bas bhi karo naa......kitne aur designs dekhoge....
Bua - Bas thode aur.....sayad kuc......
Rupal didi -(muh banate hue) sayad kuch Unique aur naya mil jaaye.....
Itna bolne ke baad unhone bell bajayi wapas se.....
aur bahar se ek aur banda aaya.....designs dekhe iske bhi.....aur thodi baatein kari.....
Main - K.Bua bahar DB aaya hua hai.....assistant banke kisi ke saath....
K.Bua ne meri baat sunni to unke chahre pe ek alag hi chamak aa gayi.....unhone Bua ke kaan mein kuch kaha.....
Bua ne bhi wapas unko kuch kaha......aur wo khud khadi hui aur bahar jaane lagi.....
Rupal didi - aap kaha nikal rahi ho....
Bua - wo aa rahi hai ab bas ek do aur log bacche hai....unka dekh ke ghar chalenge....Bacchu tunne lunch kiya kya.....
Main - Nahi wo thodi gadbad ho gayi thi Strange world mein....bas ussi ke karan yaad nahi raha....
Bua - kya hua waha pe....
Maine unko sab bataya kaise Leemo ke char log maare jaa chukke the aur usne mujhe unki dairy di thi.....
Bua - Bacchu ye dairy tu sambhal paayega.....mujhe lagta hai isko.....isko Leemi ko de dena chahiye....wo iska acche se dhyaan rakhegi....
Main - Bua Main bhi yahi soch raha tha.....kyunki ghar pe rakhna safe nahi hoga isko....kabhi bhi kisi ke haath lag sakta hai.....Maine aapko dene ka socha tha....par aap Leemi ka kah rahi ho tab mujhe bhi lagta hai ussi ko dena chahiye...
Hum baat kar hi rahe the ki K.Bua wapas aa gayi.....
K.Bua - Hmm ho gaya.....ab bas 2 aur designs hai.....aur turant ho jaana chahiye ye sab.....tum sab aise kyun muh kiye hue ho....
Nikita ne K.Bua ko sab bataya.....
K.Bua - Ye to bura hua uske saath.....
Thodi deer mein ek aur design ke saath ek ladki aayi....uske designs sabhi ne dekhe.....wo sach mein dekhne layak the....uski file ko humne rakh liya aur usko aage inform karenge aisa bol diya.....uske baad DB aur wi aadmi ander aaye.....wo dono hi muh phade the...DB sabhi ko dekh ke....aur wo banda dono Bua ko dekh ke.......
Ye wahi tha K.Bua ki Dost ka bhai.....wo designs bana raha tha.....hamare hi hotels ke liye....
DB iss waqt thoda sarminda sa lag raha tha....sayad wo iss tarah se apne doston ke saamne comfortable feel nahi kar raha tha.....
khair humne unko baithne ko kaha aur sab professional tarike se hi hua......aur uske baad humne 3 logo ke disigns chosse kiye....unme se ek e bhi the.....humne...tinno ko 3 hotels ke baare mein bataya aur waha pe kaam shuru karwane ko kah diya.....
DB chukki aaj bahut waqt baad milla tha to humne usko ghar chalne ko kaha....aur uske saath aaye aadmi ko bola ki wo kal tak aa jaayega.....wo bhi khushi khushi chala gaya....
Hum sab jab ghar pahuche....to waha pe bade log meeting kar rahe the.....pata nahi kya baatein chal rahi thi par the charo ekdum se serious.....
Hum sabko dekh ke charo ne sab batein band kar di aur apne kaam pe lag gaye.....
Hum bhi ander aaye thodi baat cheet ki wo designs aur Didi ne jo bhi phaisla liya tha uske baare mein sabko bataya.....
Chachi - ye Pankaj nahi aaya tum sab ke saath.....wo nahi tha waha pe....
Bua - Bhabhi usko call kiya tha to pata chala wo School mein gaya hua hai.....
Rupal didi - Ab itne padhaku bacche ko padhne se rokna....accha nahi lagta naa Mummy....
Bade hi ajeeb tarah se kaha tha unhonejisse sabhi ki hassi nikal gayi.....
Chachi ne lekin soch liya ki wo iss baare mein khud ab Pankaj se baat karegi ki wo kyun nahi aa raha yaha pe aakhir unhone wada kiya hua tha Mama ji se....
Inn sab ke aalawa aaj ke din Pujari ji ne kuch baatein pata karne ki koshish ki thi.....par uska natiza bhi kuch waqt baad hi aane wala tha....
To aaj ka yahi tak rakhte hai next update mein dekhenge.....
Strange world mein aaye hue ek naye hatyaare ko......aur saath hi Earth par ke shaitaano ke baare mein Nikita batayegi hum sab ko jo kuch bhi usko pata hai.....aur Pankaj aur Leader ki jodi.....
chachi aur nani kya usi shaitan ki baat kar rahi thi jisko old owl ke logo ne maar diya
..db to assistent banke aa gaya sabke saamne
...
Reza
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Naik
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कहानी में action आया हल्का सा, बहुत अच्छे से स्कूल की सब जगह का विवरण किया गया है। महोल पूरा जादुई बना दिया।
pure blood
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बहुत अच्छे से बताया है, block system और caste सिस्टम।
और slayer का पात्र बहुत गहरा लगा, क्या उसने ग़ुस्से की वजह से या फिर popular होने के लिए उसने खाना दूसरों की प्लेट से भी लिया।
काफ़ी बढ़िया अप्डेट था, मज़ा आ गया।