Ameer Khan Khan
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UPDATE- 247
Main abhi kuch aage bolne hi wala tha ki tabhi mujhe aisa mahsoos hua jaise ki koi bahar se darwaje ke paas khade ho kar hamari baate sun raha hai…ye ehsaas hote hi maine chupchap chalte huye darwaje tak aaya aur phir ek jhatke me hi darwaja khol diya..
Aur phir…
Ab Aage…….
Aur phir jaise hi maine ek jhatke se darwaja khola to koi lagkhadate huye mee hi upar aa gairi…maine dekha to ye ragini didi thi..jo thoda ghabra gayi thi.
Ragini (unbalance)—aaaahhhhh…
Raj (pakad kar)—ragini didi ..aappp….yaha kya kar rahi thi…?
Ragini (hadbadate huye)—vo..vo ..haan, vo main tujhe coffee ke liye puchne aayi thi aur mujhe tumse kaam bhi tha…main darwaja knock karne hi wali thi ki tumne achanak se khol diya aur main gir gayi..
Raj—ohhh..sorry didi….aapko awaz to lagana chahiye thi na…
Ragini—vo to achcha hua ki tumne mujhe sambhal liya warna mere to hath pair toot jane the aaj agar kahi niche gir jati to..
Raj—main thodi hi girne deta aapko..akhir aap meri pyari didi jo ho..vaise kya kaam tha aapko mujhse….?
Ragini (kaan me)—vo, tu apna vada bhul gaya ki tune mujhe maa banane ka promise kiya tha..itne din yaha aaye ho gaye aur tune abhi tak mere sath kuch bhi nahi kiya…mujhe darr hai ki kahi vo mera hinjda pati mujhe lene na aa jaye kabhi.. raj, tu mujhe kab maa banayega….? Bas yahi puchna tha..
Raj (mushkura kar)—kal aap ka kaam ho jayega didi..
“Raj, tumhara dost jitu aaya hai.” Maa ne vahi haal se awaz dete huye kaha.
Raj—theek hai maa, main aa raha hu..
Main ragini didi ke paas se haal me jitu ke paas aa gaya jo shayad richa ko lene aaya tha....richa iss samay sheetal didi, sadhana aur rashmi ke sath unke room me thi...mere jate hi ragini ne ek bar dayachand ko ghur kar mushkurate huye dekha aur phir vaha se chali gayi.
Richa—main ab chalti hu, vo jitu mujhe lene aa gaya hai..
Rashmi—lagta hai ki jitu tumhe bahut pyar karta hai isliye jaldi hi lene aa gaya...bechare ko raat me neend bhi dhang se aayi hogi ya nahi..hihihihi
Sheetal—aapne sahi kaha didi, richa aur jitu ki jodi bahut mast hai...pyar aisa hi hota hai didi...jab aap ko kisi se ho jayega tab pata chalega..hihihi
Richa—aap sab galat samajh rahi hain...(mann me)..ab inhe kaise batau ki jitu mera chota bhai hai jise sab ke sab mera lover samajh rahi hain...aaj ghar pahuchne ke baad maza chakhati hu iss jitu ko..
Iske baad sheetal didi ne apni taraf se richa ko ek neckless diya…maa ne kapde diye aur sadhana ne gift diya...halanki vo lene ko taiyar nahi thi lekin phir bar bar kahne par usko lena hi pada...mere sath kuch der baate karne ke baad jitu apne sath richa ko le kar chala gaya...aur main chodu gang se milne jane ke liye ready hone laga...tabhi radha mere room me aa gayi.
Radha—bhaiya aap kahi ja rahe ho... ?
Raj—haan, gudiya duty jana hai..kyo kuch kaam tha kya aur aaj tum school nahi gayi.... ?
Radha—aaj mann nahi tha school jane ka…aur bhaiya, aap apna promise bhul gaye hain jo aapne mujhse kiya tha...
Raj—koun sa vada kiya tha, mujhe to yaad nahi hai…?
Radha—aapne kaha tha ki mujhe scooty chalana sikhayenge aap…
Raj—arrey haan, sorry gudiya..sach me mujhe dhyan nahi tha…kal pakka sikhaunga..
Radha—nahi, mujhe aaj se hi seekhna hai..nahi to main aapse kabhi baat nahi karungi..dekh lena, sachchi.
Raj—ok baba, tum jiti main hara…chalo pahle tumhe scooty hi sikha deta hu thodi der..
Radha khushi se mujhse lipat gayi…Main radha ko le kar ghar ke bahar aa gaya...aur scooty nikal ke usko driving seat par baitha diya.
Raj—ab chalo vo lal vali button ko dabao, isse scooty start ho jayegi.
Radha—main gir jaungi to..?
Raj—nahi girogi..main piche baitha hu na..tum start karo….bas hamesha abc ka dhyan rakhna..
Radha—ye abc ka kya matlab hai bhaiya…?
Raj—‘A’ ka matlab hai acceelator, B ka matlab hai brake aur C ka matlab hai clutch…jis din tumhe ye teeno cheeze aa gayi, samajh lo ki tumhe scooty chalana bhi aa jayega..samjhi..
Radha—hmmm
Main piche baith kar usko scooty chalana sikhane laga….jaha bhi unbalance hone lagti to main sambhal leta usko…beech beech me hum baate bhi karte ja rahe the.
Raj—dekho kitna saral hai chalana..
Radha—aap mujhe roj sikhaoge to main seekh jaungi..
Raj—vaise tumhari vo saheli nazar nahi aayi aaj..kya naam tha uska.? .haan pinky…usko bhi to seekhna tha na…?
Radha (muh banate huye)—bhaiya, uska naam mat lo mere samne…badi aayi aapse scooty seekhne wali…aap usko nahi sikhaogi aur baat bhi nahi karoge usse..
Raj—arrey uski ek choti si baat par abhi tak naraz hai usse meri gudiya….?
Radha (tunak kar)—bhaiyaa, main kitni baar aapse kahu ki mujhe gudiya..vudiya mat bolo...main ab badi ho gayi hu.. ab main gudiya nahi hu..
Raj—lekin mujhe to tu ekdam gudiya jaisi hi dikhti hai..hihihi
Radha—bhaiyaaa...kitni baar batau ki main ab badi ho gayi hu...aap samajhte kyo nahi hain... ?
Raj—kya samjhana chahti hai meri pyari bahna apne bhaiya ko... ?
Radha (thoda dhire se)—yahi ki aapki ye bahan bhi ab baki bahno jaisi badi ho gayi hai..
Raj—itni piddi si to rakhi hai abhi bhi aur kahti hai ki badi ho gayi hu...main nahi manta..
Radha—to aap hi batao ki main aisa kya karu jisse aap ko yakin ho jaye ki main sach much me badi ho gayi hu... ?
Raj—main nahi manta…mujhe to tu abhi pinky se bhi choti dikhti hai..
Radha (bhadak kar)—uss kalmuhi ka mere samne bar bar naam mat lo bhaiyaa...main usse badi hu..(mann me).. aap mera yakin karo bhaiya, main pinky se badi hu..ab aap ke samne poori nangi ho jaau tabhi aap ko vishwash hoga…? Uske doodh hi to thoda sa bade hain mujhse lekin mere doodh bhi itne chote nahi hain.
Raj—achcha baba, tu sabse badi hai..ab khush..
Radha—aap na usse door hi rahna..vo aap ko phansana chahti hai...uska diya hua mobile aap vapis kar do bhaiya..
Raj—mujhe phansana chahti hai, kya matlab... ? aur meri bahan kisi ka pyar se diya hua gift vapis nahi karna chahiye..
Radha—to kya, vo kuch bhi degi to aap le loge... ?
Raj—kuch bhi kya degi... ? yaar usne mobile hi to diya hai gift me...
Radha—bhaiya aap samajhte nahi hain..vo na aapke baare me bahut kharab kharab bolti hai, jo mujhe bilkul bhi achcha nahi lagta hai..
Raj—kyo, aisa kya bolti hai vo mere baare me….?
Radha—main aap ko sab to nahi bata sakti, lekin vo kutiya khud ko meri bhabhi bolti hai…mann karta hai uska muh noch lu..
Raj (khush)—sach me…aisa hai kyaa…?
Radha—hmmm, bhaiya..aur to aur vo jahil mere bhaiya se shadi karne ke sapne dekh rahi hai…main uska ye sapna kabhi poora nahi hone dungi..
Raj (mann me)—ab samjha, sala ek nayi kuwari bur mere lund se phatna chahti hai aur mujhe pata hi nahi chala…arrey haan, pinky ne kal mujhe ek memory card bhi to diya tha, main to use dekhna bhul hi gaya…aaj dekhta hu, ki usne memory card me kya bhar ke diya hai mujhe…
Radha—bhaiya, aapne uska mobile khol ke to nahi dekha na….?
Raj—nahi to, kyo….?
Radha—aapko meri kasam bhaiya, mat dekhna uska mobile…vo bahut gandi ladki hai..
Raj—akhir tu kahna kya chahti hai, …? Meri to kuch samajh me nahi aa raha hai...
Radha—main jo kahna chahti hu, vo aap ko mere bina kahe hi samajhna hoga bhaiya..main nahi kah sakti kuch bhi..
Aise hi scooty sikhate huye hum aapas me baate karte rahe…maine kabhi radha ko uss nazar se nahi dekha tha isliye uski baate meri samajh me nahi aayi ya phir ye kahna jyada atisanyoktikar hoga ki main uske baare me uss nazar se sochna hi nahi chahta tha..kuch der tak sikhane ke baad main vapis lout aaya aur gadi le kar raghu ke ghar ki taraf nikal gaya.
Mujhe dekh kar sab khush ho gayi…vaise bhi shraddha, anuradha aur vrinda ko chhod kar baki sab padhne gayi huyi thi.. mouka milte hi maine shraddha didi ko daba kar do bar choda…aur jane se pahle ek bar anuradha ki bur me bhi lund pel diya.
Main hema se baat karna chahta tha lekin vo school me thi to main sidha amilpur nikal gaya…chodu gang pahle hi vaha pahuch gayi thi…office me pending files niptane ke baad main sidhe unke paas chala gaya.
Raj—iron bhai, baki sab kaha gaye…?
Iron—amtul to rakhi ka gaddha khod khod kar aur gahra karne me laga hua hai jabki siraj, apni mehbooba shashi se milne gaya hai, jitu bhi apni richa ke paas hai..ab akela bacha main..mere paas hi nahi hai koi to yaha makkhi maar raha hu..
Raj—hmmm...aur firefox bhi to aaya tha na, vo log kaha hain.... ?
Iron—vo apne dosto ko chhodne gaya hua hai…aata hi hoga..
Abhi hum dono baate kar hi rahe the ki tab tak firefox bhi aa gaya…sath me prem pujari, mnshkmr aur sorbobhuk bhi the.. main unke sath baato me lag gaya.
Raj—kis ki bur me aag lagane ke baad usme apna pani daal ke aa rahe ho bhai…?
Firefox—nahi yaar..bur pelna to door kisi ki dekhne ko bhi nahi mili..
Raj—mil jayegi…achcha, tum apne documents laaye ho na…?
Firefox—haan..ye teeno bhi bhai aapki team join karna chahte hain
Raj—good, apne documents scan kar ke mujhe whatsapp kar do..Main unko DGP ko send kar deta hu…aur kal se aap join kar sakte ho.
Sorbobhuk—thanks bhai.
Raj—isme thanks ki koi baat nahi hai yaar…lekin ek baat jarur bata du ki meri team me jaan ka jokhim bahut hai…baki sab iron bhai samjha denge…chaar chaar logo ki do team bana deta hu..first team me amtul, iron man, siraj bhai aur jitu hain.. second team me firefox, sorbobhuk, mnshkmr aur prem pujari bhai honge…agar jarurat padi to team ko badhaya bhi ja sakta hai…pahli team amilpur ke sath sath iss state par nazar rakhegi kyon ki black star ka kafi gorakh dhandha yahi se hota hai…second team, rajasthan ka case handle karegi…vaha ke dgp ne mujhe ek case diya hai lekin main utna time nahi de pa raha hu to vo case aap logo ko dekhna hai…
Firefox—koi dikkat nahi hai bhai..
Raj—dikkat hai yaar...bahut badi dikkat hai...vo case behad uljha hua hai..(phir maine uss case ke baare me sab ko detail se samjhaya)…
MNSHKMR—ye case to poora rajasthan janta hai….maine to suna hai ki inn sab ke piche kisi bhoot, pret ka hath hai..
Raj—hame ussi bhoot, pret ko pakad kar uski gaand maarni hai…kaam bahut khatarnak hai…kis pal kya ho jaye, kuch kaha nahi ja sakta…jindagi kab mout me badal jaye, koi bharosa nahi hai…isliye jo bhi karna, bahut soch samajh kar aur khufiya tarike se karna hoga….haan, itna jarur hai ki agar hum kamyab huye to sara desh saand aur chodu team ko sadiyo tak yaad karega.
Sorbobhuk—tension mat lo yaar…lekin abhi to hamare paas vardi aur service revolver bhi nahi hai..bina hathiyar ke muqabla kaise karenge….?
Raj—vo sab kal mil jayega…aur prem bhai, mujhe aapse ek behad urgent kaam hai..
Prem Pujari—bolo bhai..
Raj—black star ne mujhe ek ajib si tension me daal diya hai…kuch samajh me nahi aa raha hai….
Iron—kyo kya kiya uss bakchod ne ab…? Kal party me to kuch lafda kar hi nahi paya vo..
Raj—nahi yaar, vo madarchod, bahut shatir hai…usko jo karna tha, usne kal ki party me hi kar ke nikal bhi gaya..
Sab (shocked)—kyaaa…?
Iron—lekin kab aur kaise …? Hum sab to poore alert the raat me…
Raj—baat ye hai ki…(phir maine CD wali baat detail me bata di.)
Poori baat sunte hi sabhi chounk gaye…unka shocked hona swabhavik bhi tha…kyon ki sab ko avinash ka to pata tha lekin raghu bhi mera hum shakal hai, ye baat malum nahi thi…maine unhe uske baare me bhi bata diya.
Iron (shocked)—lekin..ye kaise ho sakta hai…? Tum to hamare samne jinda baithe ho…aur ye raghu bhi hum shakal hai, ye baat tumne batayi hi nahi kabhi hame…
Raj—yahi to problem hai ab yaar…main jinda bhi hu lekin uski cd me mujhe jalate huye dikhaya gaya hai…mujhe goli lagi thi, ye baat to satya hai magar uske baad kya hua mere sath mujhe kuch bhi yaad nahi hai…ye bhi yaad nahi ki main dusri jagah pahucha kaise…?
Prem Pujari—to karna kya hai…?
Raj—dikkat ye hai ki baki jagah se uski cd to maine phenkwa di lekin iss abhay ka kya karu…? Black star ne ek copy uske paas bhi bheji hai….jiski madad se vo asani se court me ye sabit kar dega ki main raj nahi hu..
Sorbobhuk—ye abhay koun hai….?
Raj—rishte me to vah madarchod chacha hai mera lekin hai bahut madarchod…agar usne court me ye sabit kar diya ki main raj nahi hu, jo ki cd ko dekh kar ho bhi sakta hai, to meri sari property use mile ya na mile lekin main apni, avinash aur raghu ki family ki nazro me gir jaunga..yahi black star ka maqsad hai..
Iron—yaar, dimag ghum gaya mera tumhari baat sun kar…raj mar bhi gaya aur raj jinda bhi hai..ye kaise ho sakta hai…?
Firefox—mujhe nahi lagta ki black star ka ye maqsad hoga…? Mujhe to iske piche koi dusri hi sazish lagti hai..
Raj—jo bhi ho, ab court me ye kaise sabit kiya jaye ki raj jinda hai, …? Ye kaam ab prem bhai ko hi karna hoga..
Prem—mamla bahut pechida hai bhai ye…lekin kuch na kuch to karna hi padega..
Iron—isme itna sochne ki jarurat hi kya hai bhai... ? main abhi ja kar uss bhosdike abhay ki gaand me bomb laga ke uda deta hu…na rahega baans, na bajegi baansuri..sidha matlab, na rahega abhay, aur na hi court me jayega matter..
Raj—nahi bhai, ye kaam to main bhi kar sakta hu.. lekin isse mamla hal nahi hoga…black star itna chutiya nahi hai ki uske paas uss recording ki aur bhi copy nahi hongi…? Vo dubara sab ko bhej dega…baat hai sab ki nazro me girne se khud ko bachane ki….aur iske liye court me mujhe khud ko sabit karna hi padega…abhay ko iss samay maar dene se sab ko yakin ho jayega ki cd me dikhayi gayi baat sahi hai..isliye main chahta hu ki meri taraf se ye case prem bhai dekhe..
Prem—theek hai bhai..main aaj se hi iss case ke baare me sochna shuru kar deta hu..
Raj—ye lo..ATM..isme har ek me ek crore hain, tumhare personal use ke liye..
Maine charo ko ek ek atm de diya…kuch der tak iss case ke baare me discuss karne ke baad main arushi se milne chala gaya…lekin jab vaha pahucha to..mujhe dekhte hi arushi khushi se jhoom uthi…yahi haal uski bhabhi nidhi aur choti bahan poli ka bhi tha…jabki uski maa deepika mujhe dekh kar pahle to pahchan hi nahi payi baad me poli ne bataya mere baare me tab usne mujhe pahchana…lekin achanak hi kuch dhyan me aate hi uski nazre laaz aur sharam se jhuk gayi.
Maine aage badh kar nidhi aur deepika ke pair chhuye…arushi ke pair to chhu nahi sakta tha kyon ki vo bhi meri biwi thi bhale hi duniya ki nazar me vo meri mami hi ho.
Deepika—aao..aao raj beta…aur ghar me sab kushal mangal to hai…?
Raj—ji maa ji, sab theek hi hai…
Deepika—jab tak tum apni mami se baat karo ..main chhay banati hu tab tak..
Deepika thodi der mujhse baat karne ke baad andar kitchen me chali gayi…aur main baki teeno se baate karne laga..arushi ke chehre par aaj bhi vahi sadgi thi…haan, uska chehra pahle ki apeksha kuch murjha jarur gaya tha .
Poli (kaan me)—jiju, achcha hua aap aa gaye…warna main to bahut tension me thi..
Raj (dhire se)—kyo….?
Poli (kaan me)—aapne to pel paal ke mujhe pet se hi kar diya tha..vo to achcha hua ki bhabhi ne mujhe ulti karte dekh liya aur vo samajh gayi…unke puchne par mujhe bhi batana pada..tab unhone mera abortion karwa diya chupchap, warna main to mar hi gayi thi.
Raj (dhire se)—chalo achcha hua…ab aaj raat tujhe achche se pel sakunga..
Poli (kaan me)—vaise arushi didi bhi pet se hain aur bhabhi bhi…mujhe to lagta hai ki bhabhi ke bhi pet me aapka hi bachcha hai…
Arushi—ye kya khusar phusar kar rahi hai unke kaan me…? Chal bhag yaha se..
Poli—ja rahi hu didi…(kaan me)..achcha jiju, main aapse baad me baad karti hu..aur jiju, agar aap ko mujhe pelna ho to pls ab ki bar pani meri bur ke andar mat girana...main itba jaldi dubara se gabhin nahi hona chahti..abhi sab log khana khane lagenge tab main aap ko ishara karungi to mere piche piche aa jana aur chod lena meri bur ko..
Poli ke jate hi main arushi aur nidhi se baate karne laga...thodi der me deepika ki awaz sun kar nidhi kitchen me chali gayi...aur main arushi ko pakad kar usko chumne laga...nidhi aur deepika ke aate hi hum alag ho gaye.
Deepika—achcha hua, raj beta, tum yaha aa gaye..maine sandesh bhi bhijwaya tha tumhe bulane ke liye..
Raj—kyo, koi kaam tha kya... ?
Deepika—bahut tension ho gayi hai beta…ladki to paraya dhan hoti hai..maayke me kab tak rahegi…? Jindagi to uski sasural me hi katni hai…na jane aisi kya anban ho gayi hai tumhare mama aur mami me ki ye shadi ke baad se sasural jane ke naam se hi bhadak jati hai…iske dono jeth teen bar lene aaye..lekin ye nahi gayi…iss bar khud damad ji lene ke liye aaye to unko daant fatkar kar bhaga diya..bolti hai ki jab raj ayenge tab unke sath hi jaungi, nahi to kisi ke sath nahi….ab tumhi batao beta, aisa bhi koi karta hai kya…? Log tarah tarah ki baate karte hain…Kuch bolo to rone lagti hai gussa ho kar…ab tumhi kuch samjhao beta apni mami ko..
Arushi—mummy, aap phir shuru ho gayi..agar main aap sab logo par itni hi bojh hu to jahar la kar de dijiye mujhe..ye roj roj ki jhanjhat hi khatam kar deti hu..
Deepika—dekh liya beta, sasural jane ki baat karo to iss tarah marne ki dhamki deti hai..ab tumhi batao beta..kya kare hum…? Duniya kya kahegi ki shadi hne ke baad bhi ladki sasural kyo nahi ja rahi…? Kis kis ka muh band kar sakenge hum garib…?
Raj—aap chinta mat kijiye..main baat karunga…raat me….sab theek ho jayega..
Thodi hi der me arushi ke papa aur bhaiya bhi aa gaye to vo sab andar chali gayi..kyon ki gaon me aaj bhi ladies ghar ke mardo ke samne kisi admi se baat nahi karti hain..ye bhartiya sanskriti ka ek prachin shistachar hai jo aaj bhi gaon me kayam hai.
Uske papa aur bhaiya bhi vahi rona ro rahe the jo uski mummy ro rahi thi arushi ko le kar…kuch der me khana lag gaya to main uske papa aur bhai ke sath khana khane baith gaya….dinner se fursat hone ke baad main thoda tahalne ke liye ghar ke bahar aangan me nikal aaya…ki tabhi mere kano me seeti bajne ki madhur dhwani sunayi padi jise sunte hi mere kaan khade ho gaye.
Raj (mann me)—(soonghte huye)..ye to kisi ke mootne ki seeti hai….bur ki khushbu aa rahi hai…chupchap dekhu to sahi ki koun apni bur khol kar moot rahi hai…?
Main naak se uss madhur seeti ki bajne se uthne wali sugandh ko soonghte huye chupchap aage badhne laga…aur phir jaldi hi uss jagah par pahuch gaya jaha se seeti bajne ki awaz bilkul karib tezi se aa rahi thi…ye ghar ke bahar bana ek chota sa bathroom tha..maine darwaje ki jhirri se jhaank kar dekha to andar dekhte hi chounk gaya.
Vahi dusri taraf, amtul vidhayak ke bunglow me rakhi ko nangi kar ke uski bur me lund pelne me laga hua tha…surendra bhi ussi room me moujud tha lekin kisi ko uska koi darr hi nahi tha..kyon ki ab vo na to dekh sakta tha aur na hi kuch bol sakta tha..aur na hi kuch kar sakta tha…kaan me ear phone ki madad se bas sunayi bhar deta tha usko…iss baat ka fayda amtul khoob utha raha tha…
Kabhi vo vidhayak ki biwi aur rakhi ki mummy vasundhara ko uske bagal me lita kar nangi kar ke chodne lagta to kabhi uski beti rakhi ke upar chadh jata…surendra mann hi mann galiya de kar rah jata amtul aur saand ke sath sath poori chodu team ko…aaj bhi vahi ho raha tha.
Rakhi—aaahhhhh….kitne din se ragad rahe ho mujhe…lekin khazana kab nikaloge…uuuffff….?
Amtul—khazana hi khodne me laga hua hu…chinta mat karo 9 mahine me mere khode huye gaddhe se khazana jarur niklega…
Rakhi—aaahhhh…tum koun se khazane ki baat kar rahe ho….? Koun sa aur kaha gaddha khoda hai tumne…? Bas daily aa kar mujhe aur mummy ko pel bhar jate ho...aaaahhhh
Amtul—chinta mat karo..dono maa beti ko khazana milega 9 majine me..main bahut pahucha hua pandit hu..
Rakhi—mujhe to tum chudakkad pandit lagte ho...aaahhhhh...aise hi chodo..aur jor jor se....aaahhhhh..phad do meri bur ko..
Amtal kas kas ke rakhi ko pelne me laga hua tha jabki vahi ek bistar me leta hua suraendra dono ki baate sun kar andar hi andar aag babula hua ja raha tha.
Udhar jitu mere ghar se nikalne ke baad richa ko le kar jaise hi apne ghar pahucha vaise hi....
Zabardast update bro.