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Erotica फागुन के दिन चार

motaalund

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Just to add...enormous amount of skill as well...which not many may possess.
You are a super star!!
Btw, on a lighter note, no need to blush..😛😛😜😜😃😃
some facts need to be told as they are :)

komaalrani
मानवीय भावनाओं की पकड़.. समझ और उन्हें शब्दों में रूप में देना...
कोई-कोई हीं कर पाता है...
 

motaalund

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Wow...what an amazing update madam...just too awesome!!
You said you believe in "slow simmering cooking"...(which is true also)...
but this is not just "slow simmering"..but a volcano waiting to erupt...reading thru' it feels as if eruption will happen any time...but thats the greatness of your story/update...
the eruption never happens but feels very much so...
the dialogs between Guddi and her husband and later on with "Mummy" was awesome.
The boldness with which she goes to the medical store and ask for i-pill and contraceptives is like a "Gen X/Z" thing...no "hesitation" at all :)
Wonderful update madam...
i am also trying to incorporate some of these things in my story...especially the dialogs part...(dialogs relative to my story and plot).
Outstanding!!

komaalrani
PS: Hope you find my update today ok...first sex scene update on my story...tried to make it more erotic with some dialogs thrown in :) Look forward to your comments and observations.
Many Thanks.
अभी तो ज्वालामुखी धधक रहा है...
लावा निकलने में अभी देर है...
तब तक गुड्डी की चुहलबाजी... शोख अंदाज का आनंद उठाते हैं...
 

motaalund

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Wow.. really komalji, every word has tease effect..!! From teen teasing to MILF dominance. but romance and submission is always there. Very open to say.. Sorry komalji,.. this thread is more enchanting than the previous one. 😄😄😄
Yess... a different tone.. with evergreen presentation...
 

motaalund

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सारे अपडेट बहुत ही शानदार और लाजवाब है
एक ओर मिशन कामयाब हो गया
सारी झलकियाँ हैं.. कहानी तो आगे शुरू हुई है..
 

motaalund

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I have read the story, and made some comments. But I can suggest one thing, please read the stories first at least two times of established writers like Ashok Ji ( Ashokfun) and many others, whose stories you like. read it twice, first to enjoy and second to understand why you enjoy it. Is it language, character, narration, turn of events and you can imbibe it. Secondly, develop the characters a bit more, what they think and motivation for the action. Your story is very good, fast paced, focussed and a good theme and i am sure it will be very popular. and please do increase font size to 18.
You have given a valuable guidance to not only her but others too..
 

motaalund

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And thanks for such massive praise for this part.

one small " Guddi and her husband", Anand Babu is not a husband, although he wishes to be one but does not know how to proceed. Secondly, he is not a traditional lover, and never said I love you to Guddi, but in a relationship a lot of things are said, without getting said. And various episodes try to portray those unsaid things. And that is why i have added a flashback, and even in this part, like he admits why he likes her.


लेकिन गुड्डी की जिस बात ने मुझे मुझसे ही चुरा लिया था,... वो थी, कैसे कहूं,... उसकी पहल,... जो में चाहता था पर बोल भी नहीं पाता था, वो समझकर कर देती थी। पहली मुलाक़ात से ही, ... कौन इंटर में पढ़ने वाला लड़का होगा जो किसी लड़की को देख के आंख भर देखना नहीं चाहेगा, मुंह भर बतियाना नहीं चाहेगा,... लेकिन मैंने मारे झिझक के किताब की दीवाल खड़ी कर दी, पर वो जानती थी मैं क्या चाहता हूँ और दांत देखने के बहाने मुंह खुलवा के,... रसगुल्ले के साथ उसकी मीठी ऊँगली का स्वाद कभी नहीं भूलने वाला,...

बस वो स्वाद एक सपना जगाता है ,... उसी घर में ये लड़की दुल्हन बनी, कोहबर में दही गुड़ खिला रही है और उसकी बहने छेड़ रही हैं,... लेकिन मैं सपने देखने वाला और वो सपनों को जमीन पर लाने वाली,...

उसी दिन, लग उसे भी गया था, उसी दिन डांस करते हुए, जिस तरह से वो मुझे देख दिखा के लाइनों पर थिरक रही थी,

मेरा बनके तू जो पिया साथ चलेगा
जो भी देखेगा वो हाथ मलेगा


और फिर रही सही कसर बीड़ा मारते समय, एकदम मुझे ढूंढ के बीड़ा मारा था, सीधे दिल पर लगा,... और जब सब लड़कियां मुंडेर से हट भी गयीं,... वो वहीँ खड़ी रही मुझे देखते चित्रवत,... और मैं भी मंत्रबद्ध, जैसे किसी लड़की ने बीड़ा नहीं जादू की मूठ मार दी हो, हिलना डुलना बंद हो गया हो,...

फिर गुड्डी की मम्मी, मेरा मतलब मम्मी ने गुड्डी को दिखा के , चिढ़ा के पूछा था, शादी करोगे इससे,... अचानक कोई मन की बात बोल दे, ... लाज के मारे मैं जैसे बिदाई के समय दुल्हन गठरी बनी, बस एकदम उसी तरह, ...


Joy of writing * (and reading) lies in first visualizing those soft unsaid moments, and then capturing them in words .
Joy of writing * (and reading) lies in first visualizing those soft unsaid moments, and then capturing them in words .
And that's why you stories looks like a motion picture.. with memorable dialogues and charisma to fascinate readers..
at least I am speechless many times for witty replies of characters.
 

motaalund

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Thanks for correcting me Madam...as I said..I was scrolling down and reading the update..but may have missed the finer points. But my observation is still true...Guddi's talk with her Mummy over phone and speaker mode..etc..it was like a volcano..
Just too good..
Glad that I am following your story :)
Thx once again..
Btw, on a lighter note..they say...lightening doesn't strike twice..true (or rare) as well..
Let's see if it happens.. I hope you understand what I meant by it :)
komaalrani
She maintains such nitty gritty through whole story.
Its her caliber to keep all characters traits in her mind in such a long story...
 

motaalund

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Just to clarify madam...not sure what you thought of "lightening"...
i had 2 things in mind...
1) next update of yours is also mindblowing (which is very much possible and hence true, not rare... :))
2) Once again by coincidence, we both post our next update on the same day as yesterday... :)..
and hence the lightening reference...
Lets see...1st is 100% possible...

komaalrani
We wish such incidence happen again and again at regular interval by both of you.
 

motaalund

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hope is story ke baad, aap meri story par bhi nazar daaloge :)
motaalund
जरुर.. काफी दिनों का बैकलॉग था... और कई बार बिजी शेड्यूल सोचे हुए टार्गेट को पूरा नहीं करने देता...
इसलिए इतनी रात गए भी .. लग कर इस स्टोरी के अंतिम अपडेट तक...
 

Mass

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We wish such incidence happen again and again at regular interval by both of you.
Thanks for your comment bhai. Let's see if the 2nd "coincidence" happens or not :)
Time for you to provide your valuable insights in my story as well. Thanks.look forward to it.
motaalund
 
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