★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[mohit98075]

EHSAAS
You have written a family story this time. I liked that you wrote the story.
There is no age to love, people love even after they die. Nature is so beautiful that it makes the heart happy. I loved the way you started your story.
Anu's thinking, way of living life is different. After a quarrel with her husband, Anu has to take full responsibility of Neha. Mohit's mother's behavior was wrong for Anu, we should look at daughter-in-law from daughter's perspective.
Both Anu and Mohit get lonely due to the quarrel and Amit wanted to take advantage of this loneliness of Anu. Initially Anu also likes Amit, but Amit's destiny is bad, Anu later learns this.
Neha also played an important role in the story, she also did not like her mother's loneliness and because of Neha, Mohit and Anu's heart is reunited today.
Sometimes there is a fight in any relationship, In anger, we sometimes say things that sound bad. But then we should forget all this and strengthen our relationship.
mohit98075 Ji, I liked your story very much. You have written the story very beautifully. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.

Thank You...

for beautiful review aakash

 

[mohit98075]

my review for Ehsaas
by mohit98075
kahani achi hai, plot interesting hai magar mere khayaal se kyunke 6000 words limit mili hai likhne ke liye to iss kahani bahut ziada majedaar aur dilschasp banaya jaa sakta tha.
dekha jaaye to sirf yehi hua ke ek maa apni beti ke saath alag rehne lagti hai aur kissi dusre aadmi ke saath nayi zindagi shuru karna chahti hai par wo aadmi usski beti neha par dore daalta hai to keise bhi karke wapas apne pati ke paas chali jaati hai ek haadse ke badaulat.
iss mein aur bahot kuch likha jaa sakta tha bahot kuch. Amit aur Anu ke beech aur serious scenes create ho sakte the Neha ko lekar. Anu aur usske ex husband ke beech bhi important scene neha ko lekar ho sakte the maa baap ke beech, neha ki maansik stithi aur Amit se darr aur khauf ko lekar teenon ke beech ek bahut acha scene likha jaa sakta tha.
mohit bhai se cc thread par iss baat ke bare mein meri baat hui thi ke wo achi tarah se proof reading karne ke baad hi kahani ko post karen kyunke unnke running stories par ek update mein kum se kum 20/30 misspelling main ne dikhaaye hein unnko, iss liye ek contest mein kahani post karte waqt bahot ziada saavdhaan hona padta hai ke mispelling ke sath kahani ko nah post karen..... magar mujhe ascharya hua ke iss kahani ne bhi seikron weise misspellings hein, jo mujhe bahot naapassand hota hai padhna.
agar main unn misspelling lo dikhaane laga to shaayd zidatti ho jaegi phir bhi agar Mohit bhai chaahe to ussko pm se dikha sakta hoon. phir bhi ek word dikhana chahunga: log khate hai, prem ki umar to bus jawani me.....
are bhai khate hein matlab they are eating khana khana, khate hein..... ab socho main wohi khaane wale word samajh kar padh raha tha ke khate hein to kia kehna chahta hai lekhak? kia khate hein yahan to khaane ka kuch bayaan nahin kiya gaya hai..... bahot time laga mujhe samajhne mein ke wo word assal mein kahte hein hona chahiye tha..... khuda na khaasta agar kabhi main judge hua to eise words ke liye bahot points kaate jaaenge....pata nahin abhi jo juries hein eise words ke liye points kum karte hein ya nahin eise 7 ya 8 ya shayad 10 words hein iss kahani mein!!
baaki in general mujhko plot aur kahani passand aaye magar isska treatment poor tha mere hisaab se.
All the best Mohit bhai.

Jaha tak Mai likh sakta tha vah likha Maine ye nahi dekha kitne words me Puri hui .... Maine abhi tak check bhi nahi kiya kitne words me ye story complete ki Maine...bus mujhe laga yaha tak thik bus vahi copy paste karke post kar Diya...jaha tak word words mistakes ki baat hai...4-5 words se jayda nahi hoga mistakes ... Recheck kiya sayad Meri najar me nahi pada hoga nahi to sudhar jarur kar deta...ab itna bhi perfect nahi hu ki har words perfect ho...lekin itna jarur hai padhne wale us words ko samaj jayege ki aage wala words kis lay me hai...
Aur jaha tak story ki baat hai usko Maine Anu ke upper rakha Sara focus aur uske ahsaas ke bare me mujhe simple tarika pasnad hai Jo man me aata vah likhte jata...
Aur bhi bahut kuch add kar sakta tha jesa aap ne bataya lekin vah mujhe na hota jayda darma karna .....
for your beautiful review casi bhai

 

[The Immortal]

Review on : AMAR-KALPANA (DEPTH OF LOVE)
Writer: @The Immortal

Dear Immortal bhai
First of all i want to thank you for writing a romantic story. Wo kya hai naa , " Pyaar Ka Jaam aur Pyaar Ka Anjaam Sirf Pyaar karne wale hi jaante hain..." Apne apni story ka title diya "Amar Kalpana ( Depth of Love") . Well the title perfectly fits for the story. 10/10

PLOT: Now coming to the plot of the story . Without giving any spoiler I would like to say Amar and Kalpana's love story really melted my heart The separation of two lovers just when they start to blossom their sweet crush is beyond dictionary words. This is the main premise of the story and I loved it.

ANALYSIS : The change of dates and scenarios really give a solid base for the ending . Well Everyone should be ready for that last twist. It is done with point perfection and in a very elegant way. The sugary dialogues between the lead characters also add taste to the love story dish. My most favorite character in the story is kalpana. :beautiful: Kudos to the writer who has penned the story romantically. Only minor flaw is that I wanted to know some more back story of Amar and kalpana after accident like how they fell in how their developed from a small plant to a whole tree .

VERDICT : Amar and Kapana I LOVE YOU....

REGARDS
THE BLUE PRINCE

First of all thank you for your lovely review, it means a lot for me , and I am glad you liked it this much .
Now for your request about growing their love after accident.
Mera sirf ye maksad tha is story ko likhne ka ki love connects to the heart not to the mind , no matter how far you go, if there is love, you can connect beyond the limitations . Baki feeling grow hona, ye sab likhte hai aur mostly ye same tarike se hi hota hai. I hope Mera point of view apko samjh aaya Hoga .
And thanx for not spoiling the end of the story .

 

[Aakash.]

EK CHOTI SI PREM GAATHA
Very good story, I liked it very much. The story is of a boy and girl. The boy falls in love with the girl and they both get married. Everything was going very well, but it is said that time can change anytime.
Even today, there are many people who love beauty. We should not love the outer beauty but the inner beauty of the heart. A person whose heart is beautiful is equally clear.
In the story, the boy pretends to be blind to Asha, so that Asha has no problem, it is called love.
Sanskari Larka Ji, I liked your story, you wrote a beautiful story. There is a lot to be learned from this story. Thank You...

 

[Casinar]

My review for
Baba ki Pahaadi
By notebook
Wow bahut hi badhya kahani hai bhai.
Shuru se ant tak kahani dilchasp hai. Shuruwaat mein jiss tarah se uss jagah ka varnaan kiya gaya, aur uss mausam mein uss car ki driving ko dikhaya gaya ussi samaye samajh mein agaya k aaguey chal kar ye kahani dhamaakedaar hone wali hai
Lekhak ka pakad bahot hi mazbut raha iss kahani par.
Har shabd ko, varnaan ko, har ek character ko itni sanjidgi se liya gaya hai ke ek chhoti si bhi kammi nahin dikhaayi diye.
Jab uss ladki ne uss kahani ko sunana shuru kiya to scene bilkool change ho gayi aur laga ke ab ek dusri kahani chal rahi hai halaan k wo ussi kahani ka ek jabardast hissa tha jissko lekhak ne baakhubi present kiya hai.
Ussko font change karke paathakon ke suvidha k liye lekhak ne bahot acha kiya hai.
Uss ladki ki kahi hui kahani dil ke taaron ko kuch iss tarah se cherra ke mere khayaal se har ek paathak uss hisse ko padhte waqt yehi dua karta hoga ke Damini ko jald hi Udayan mil jaaye, kaash ye likha hua padhne ko mile ke haan aakhir mein Damini ka intezaar khatam hua aur ek din Udayan wapas aaya apni Damini aur beti ko uss pahaadi se apne saath lejaane k liye.
Magar bhaari dil se aaguey padhne k baad pata chala k khud ladki ne hi uss se ziada aaguey kuch bola hi nahin...
Aur jab wo aadmi dharamshala pahuncha to sab samajh mein agaya ke wohi Damini ka khoya hua pyar tha aur apni khud ki beti se mil kar wapas aya tha Damini k khaton ko ab padhne k liye.....
Wah yaar kia kahani hai..... ek fairy tale jeisa laga mujhe....
Ab ending to aur bhi shocking ho gaya jab wapas pahaadi ke taraf jaane k baad pata chala ke na Damini zinda hai nah usski beti....
Kudrat ne ya to ussko khayaalon mein sab dikhaya tha ya kudrat ka karishma hi tha k ussko usski beti ke zubaani pata chala diya usse taake wo barson se unn bheje hue chithiyon ko jaa kar padhe.....
This is just an amazing and fantastic story. The descriptive narration is just fabulous and the story deserves a high rank in the competition.
I rate 10 out of 10 for this one.
A word to notebook bhai : Bhai aap ke do kahaniyon ko padh chuka hoon (ek running wala bhi) magar wahan to aap aise bilkool bhi nahin likhte kyun? Yehi skill uss thread wali story par bhi lao nah bhai. Aur contest k liye meri shubkaamnayein kubool karen. All the best. Great short story bhai

 

[Rahul]

Review on : AMAR-KALPANA (DEPTH OF LOVE)
Writer: @The Immortal

huum badhiya story hai bhai jab ek baar dil kisi ko pasand kar leta to dobara bhi koi muskil nahi hota lekin sukar hai koi bich me aaya nahi dono ke warna kahani badal jati fir..achchi kosish kiya bhai mai aapko 10 me 10 deta hun

 

[sorbobhuk]

TITLE - LOVE WITH FIXERR


LANGUAGE - HINGLISH


PREFIX - ROMANCE+THRILL+EROTIC+NON-EROTIC+SUSPENSE

Ek Larki lagatar kisi ko phone ker rahi thi aur apne kamre main tehal rahi thi

Lekin dusri taraf se koi phone nahi utha raha tha Larki ki Ankho se lagatar ansoo beh rahe the

Larki: rote huwe) please pick up damn phone hassan

Larki wanhi bed per baith ker rone lagi Tabhi kamre ka Darwaza khula Aur Ek Aurat andar ayi

Aurat: tumhe tumhare papa bula rahe hai

Us ne larki ka Rona bilkul ignore kia Aur kamre se nikal gayi

Larki rote huwe bed se uthi Aur apne ansoo saaf ker ke hall main aa gayi

Saamne Ek Aadmi Sofe per baitha Tha Wo Aurat bhi us ke saath baithi thi

Larki: sir jhuka ker) ji papa ap ne bulaya


Aadmi: Ruhi beta Baitho

Ruhi wanhi paas ki chair per baith gayi

Aurat: Afzal ap he iss se baat kare

Afzal: ruhi beta main ne AP ko mana bhi kia tha ke aise larke sirf paiso ke lalchi hote hai jahan zada paise dikhe udhar ke ho jate hai

Ruhi: papa hassan aisa nahi hai us ke papa zabardasti us ki shadi karwa rahe hai

Afzal: beta Ap samjh kiu nahi rahe ho America main kia wohi ek larka tha

Ruhi: papa pyar karte the hum ek dusre se

Afzal: chir ker) acha ab batao ab kia karo gi


Ruhi: main Pakistan jao gi

Afzal: Main kisi lofar ke liye tumhe itna door nahi bhej sakta

Ruhi: khari ho ker) main ja rahi hu its final

Ye keh ker ruhi wahan se Apne kamre main chali jayi

Aurat: us ki zid ko jante to hai wo nahi mane gi

Afzal: sahi keh rahi ho lekin mujhe us ki safety ka bhi sochna hai

Jenny: ap us ko bula le na

Afzal: use he bulana pare ga


Ruhi Apni packing kar rahi thi ke Afzal Andar aa gya

Ruhi: main nahi rukne wali papa

Afzal: tum Jana chahti ho theek hai lekin 1 shart per


Ruhi: kesi shart

Afzal: tum akeli nahi jao gi

Ruhi: kiu

Afzal: tum sirf 20 saal ki ho Jana hai to ek aadmi saath jaye ga


Ruhi: Fine lekin wo interfere na kare mere kam main


Afzal: wo sidha Airport per mile ga


♠


“Kab aye ga wo”

Ruhi pichle 30 minute se Airport per intizar ker rahi thi lekin wo aadmi ab tak nahi aya tha

“ap ruhi hai”

Ruhi Awaz sun ker piche ghoomi ek 28 saal ke kareeb aadmi personality Hero ki tarha ki ek bachi ke saath khara tha

Ruhi: yes ap

Aadmi: Aryan the Fixerr aur ye meri beti pari

Ruhi: Fixerr MATLAB

Aryan: everything can fix by Fixerr

Ruhi: acha ap wo ho bohat naam suna hai ap ka sab ki life fix ker dete hai

Aryan: lagbhag sab ki chale late ho rahe hai


♠


3no apni seat per baithe the

Ruhi: papa ne AP ko sab bata to dia ho ga


Aryan: ji ap apna kam karna main apna OK

Ruhi: OK

Tabhi ek Airhostes wahan ayi

Airhostes: Ap Aryan hai na

Aryan: ji


Airhostes: I am big fan of you please 1 selfie

Aryan: sure

Selfie le ker Airhostes gayi phir juice le ker wapis ayi

Airhostes: juice sir

Aryan: no thanks

Airhostes: coffee ya tea

Aryan: No Thanks

Airhostes: seduced tone main) Milk

Tabhi Aryan ka haath tray per laga aur pura juice us ke upar gir gaya

Airhostes: muskara ker) sorry sir ap aye main saaf ker du

Aryan: its OK ap washroom tak le jaye

Aryan ne bag main se kapre nikal ker Airhostes ko pakra ker chal para saath

Piche Ruhi pari se baate Karne ki koshis karti hai

Ruhi: haath aage barha ker) Hello main ruhi

Pari: bina haath milae) pari

Ruhi: haath piche ker ke) kia karte ho

Pari: study

Ruhi: oh good

Pari: washroom ki taraf daikh ker) papa kab aye gye

Ruhi: wo change Karne gye hai kiu mere saath bore ho rahe ho

Pari khamoosh baithi rahi ruhi ne apne handbag main se chocolate nikal ker pari ko di

Ruhi: ye ap ke liye

Pari ek smile de ker chocolate khane lagi

Ruhi: ap baitho main washroom se hoker ayi

Pari: OK

Phir Ruhi washroom main gayi tabhi ruhi ko Awaz ayi

“thap thap aaah ohhh”


Ruhi: ye washroom main kon hai

Ruhi dusre Washroom se free ho ker bahir Ati hai Tabhi pehle bathroom Se wohi Airhostes nikli us ke chehre per smile thi

phir kuch dair baad Aryan bhi usi washroom se nikla Ruhi muh khole us ko daikh rahi

Ruhi: in her mind) bloody Fucker beti saath hai aur khud rang raliya mana raha hai khair mujhe kia

Phir Ruhi apni seat per baith gayi aur kano main Headphones laga liye aur soo gayi Aryan pari ke saath baate Karne laga


♠

Dopahar 3 baje Flight islambad land ki Aur teeno 1 ghante baad Airport se nikle

Aryan: yahan se hum ap ke Chacho ki taraf jaye gye ap ka stay wahan hai

Ruhi: aur tum

Aryan: main us ke saath wale ghar wo mera hai

Ruhi: tum Pakistan se ho

Aryan: ji

Phir unho ne ek cab li Aur Sidha gye ruhi ke Chacho ki taraf

♠

“ting tong”

Aryan ne door bell di Gate 40 saal ke aadmi ne khola

Aadmi: haath phela ker) Aryan my boy Aakhir aa he gye

Aryan: gale mil ker) ji Usman sahib ana to tha he Afzal sahib ka kam Jo tha

Usman: ruhi beta kesi ho ap

Usman ruhi se gale mila

Ruhi: main ek dum tip top

Usman: aao andar aao


Aryan: nahi ap Mujhe keys de de main apne ghar main rahu ga

Usman: OK main ne safai karwa ker fridge main saman dalwa diya hai

Aryan: thanks uncle

Phir Aryan keys le ker chala gya Ruhi andar chali gyi tabhi use kisi ne piche se zor se gale laga liya

Ruhi: neha

Neha: tujhe kaise pata

Ruhi: kiu ke is ghar main ek he larki pagal hai


Neha: khud kaise scientist hai na chal jaldi chal kamre main chale

Usman: beta use Aram Karne do itne lambe safar se ayi hai

Neha: chal theek hai tu rest ker main mummy ki Help ker du


Ruhi: muskara ker) theek hai

Phir Ruhi apne kamre main gayi aur Fresh ho ker bed per lait gayi aur yado main kho gayi

Hassan ke saath bitaye pal yad ker ke Ruhi ki Ankho main ansoo aa gye

Ruhi: rote huwe) kash jo papa kehte gai wo jhoot ho kitni kasme wade kiye the hum ne tum aise nahi ho sakte


Ruhi Aise he lete lete soo gayi phir shaam ko neha ne use uthaya

Neha: chal uth moti khana khaye

Ruhi: acha uth gayi hu washroom se ho ker ayi tu ja

Phir ruhi fresh ho ker khane ki table per ayi jahan wo apni Chachi se bhi mili


Usman: ab kia karna hai tum ne


Ruhi: kal hassan ki mehndi hai pehle us ke gaon main Jana hai aur hassan se baat karni hai


Usman: theek hai Aryan ko saath rakhna bohat madad mile gi

Ruhi: dheeme se) wo to wahan bhi kisi ke saath shuro ho jaye ga

Usman: kuch kaha

Ruhi: nahi too theek hai Aryan ke saath jao gi

Phir Ruhi Aur neha kamre main ja ker ghanto baate kar ke soo jati hai


♠


Ruhi: gusse main) ye Aadmi kabhi time per ata hai

Neha: mobile use karte huwe) busy ho gye bhayia ap he chali jao un ki taraf


Ruhi bhi gusse main Aryan ke Ghar jati hai main gate khula tha Ruhi sidhi andar chali gyi


Saamne Aryan pari ko khana khila raha tha us Waqt Aryan ke chehre per alag he khushi masoomiyat ek care Karne wala baap sab kuch tha ruhi ka gussa khatam ho gya


Kuch pal ke LIYE ruhi bhi Aryan main he kho gyi tabhi pari ki awaz ayi

“ Chocolate wali aunty chocolate le ker ayi”


Ruhi bhi muskara ker ek chocolate apne handbag se nikal ker pari ko de deti hai


Aryan: sirf 1 OK

Pari: OK

Aryan: ruhi ap 5 minute wait kare

Ruhi: OK


Aryan ne pari ko nashta karwaya phir us ko tyar kia

Aryan: pari ap neha didi ke Ghar rahi aj kal papa wapis aa jaye gye ok

Pari: paka kal

Aryan: pakka

Phir Aryan ne pari ko god main uthaya aur usman ke Ghar chor aya aur khud wapis aa ker jeep main baith gaya


Ruhi bhi saath ja ker baith gayi aur Aryan chal para gaon ki taraf gaon ka ruhi pehle he bata chuki thi


♠


Aryan: raaste main) ap kare gi kya waha ja ker

Ruhi: baat karu gi hassan se

Aryan: aur kia wo man jaye ga farz kare agar wo man bhi gya to us ke Ghar walo ka kia

Ruhi: hum America chale jaye gye phir kabhi wapis nahi aye gye

Aryan: bus 1 baat kahu ga jo ap ka hai wo kabhi ap se dur nahi hoga aur jo dur ho gya wo kabhi ap ka tha he nahi

Ruhi Aryan ki iss bat se lajawab ho gayi aur chehra ghooma ker bahir Daikhne lagi Aryan bhi chup ker gya


♠


“ Andar kesay jaye gye”

8 ghante ki drive ke baad wo Hassan ki haweli ke bahir khare the aur Andar jashan ka mahool tha

Ruhi: wo he to soch rahi hu

Tabhi Aryan ki nazar Ek couple per gayi Aryan jaldi se un ke paas gya

Aryan: mehboob tum yahan kesay

Mehboob: Aryan tu yahan kya ker raha hai

Aryan: main to tehra Fixerr kabhi idhar kabhi udhar tu bata

Mehboob: yar wo yahan ek business trip ke LIYE aya tha inho ne shadi per invite ker liya Teri bhabi ke saath

Aryan: kabhi inho ne bhabi ko ya tujhe daikha hai


Mehboob: nahi


Aryan: chal phir apna invitation card mujhe de aur ye suite bhi

Mehboob: yahan sab ke saamne

Aryan: muskara ker) car main

Bhabhi: Ruhi ki taraf daikh ker) Aryan bhayia mere paas ek aur same dress hai kia Ap ko chahiye

Aryan: ye huwi na baat bhabi us larki(ruhi ki taraf ishara ker ke) ko ja ker change karwa do


Bhabi: theek hai

Phir Aryan Mehboob ke saath car main chala gya Aur change ker ke bahir aa gya

Iss waqt Aryan mushkil se 23 saal ka larka lag raha tha style to pucho mat black three piece main ek dum hero lag raha tha


Aryan: thanks yar help ke LIYE


Mehboob: thanks na bol ek kam ker de

Aryan: kya

Mehboob: fikar mandi se) shadi ker le yar pari ka soch

Aryan: baat badalne ke liye) chor yar ye sab phir kabhi baat kare gye

Tabhi saamne se Ati ruhi per Aryan ki nazar gayi gora rang black tight pajama upar black kameez ke saath black dopata LIYE bala ki haseen lag rahi thi

Aryan to ruhi main kho he gya mehboob ye daikh ker muskara raha tha

Mehboob: muskara ker) chal main chalta hu

Aryan hosh main aaker jhemp ker sirf han main sir hila deta hai mehboob aur bhabi waha se Chale gye

Ruhi: tension main) plan kya hai?

Aryan: Mr&Mrs mehboob ban ke hum andar jaye gye phir tum hassan se mil Lena

Ruhi: OK

Shaam ke 6 baj chuke the function shuro ho gya tha dono card dikha ker andar chale gye

Ruhi apni nazar ghooma ker hassan ko dhoond rahi thi Jo use kahi nahi dikh raha tha

Tabhi shor macha saamne daikha to dulha dulhan aa rahe the dono ko ek jagha baitha diya gaya aur darmayan main kapre ki diwar bana di

Aur sab ja ker un ko mehndi lagane lag gye Tabhi hassan ke papa(Shahid) Aryan ruhi ke paas aa gya


Shahid: ji ap kon

Aryan: Mehboob ansari aur ye meri Mrs

Shahid: to ap he Mehboob bohat naam suna hai ap ka

Tabhi couple dance ke LIYE song play ho gya aur light dim ho gayi

Shahid: couple dance kare gye

Aryan: nahi

Shahid: please ek dance to banta hai

Ruhi ko bhi Ahsaas ho gya ke zada mana kia to shak ho jaye ga

Iss LIYE is ne Aryan haath main haath dala aur dance floor ki taraf chal pari


Aryan: ye kya kar rahi ho

Ruhi: majboori hai chup ker ke chalo

Aryan bhi chup kar gya aur ruhi ke saath floor per aa gya

Phir ruhi ki kamar main haath daal ker dance Karne lag gya dono itne kareeb the ke ek dusre ki saanse bhi mehsoos ho rahi thi

Ruhi Aur Aryan ek dusre ki Ankho main kho ker dance karte rahe un ko ye bhi Ahsaas nahi tha ke yahan aur bhi log hai

Phir taliyo ki awaz se wo ruke sab log dance khatam ker chuke the bus yehi dono dance ker rahe the

Ruhi ne Hassan ki taraf daikha to WO gusse main Ruhi ko daikh raha tha

Phir function chalta raha Hassan gusse main ruhi ko daikha raha

Shahid Aryan ko apne saath bar main le gya ruhi bhi idhar udhar ghoomne lagi

Tabhi hassan ne us ka haath pakra aur bahir parking main le aya

Hassan: tum yahan kia kar rahi ho

Ruhi hassan ka haath tham ker

Ruhi: tumhare LIYE

Hassan: ye jagha theek nahi hai chalo kahi aur ja ker baat kare

Ruhi bhi us ke saath chal gayi tabhi Aryan saamne aa gya

Aryan: kahan ja rahi ho

Hassan: non of your business

Aryan: galat ye mera he kam hai

Hassan ne aage barh ker Aryan ka collar pakar liya Aryan ne Hassan ki kalai pakar li Aur haath maror diya

Hassan ko taklif hone lagi tabhi Ruhi ne Aryan ko thapar mar diya

Ruhi: tumhari himmat kesay huwi hassan per haath uthane ki dafa ho jao

Aryan khamoosh ho ker wahan se chala gya Ruhi hassan ke saath us ko car main baith gayi

Pure raaste ruhi Hassan ko samjhati rahi lekin hassan chup ker ke baitha raha

Hassan sidha apne Farmhouse main aa gya Aur ruhi ko le ker andar chala gya


Ruhi: Hassan please chalo mere saath

Hassan: kya kare gye wahan ja ker

Ruhi: hum nayi zaindagi shuro kare gye sab se door

hassan: bibi zindagi guzarne ke LIYE paisa lagta hai jo tera kanjoss baap to dene se raha

Ruhi: hassan ye kesay papa ke bare mein baat kar rahe ho

Hassan: apni ye Attitude sambhal ke rakh kiu ke kuch he Palo me ye Attitude tootne wali hai

Ruhi: kia MATLAB

Tabhi 6 larke aur Andar aa jate hai Aur ghera bana lete hai

Hassan: MATLAB tune mujhe khud ko chune bhi nahi diya lekin aj tera gang rape ho ga


Ruhi khali Ankho se hassan ko Daikhne lagi Hassan shetani muskarahat se hans raha tha ruhi ne Hassan ka collar pakar liya

Ruhi: rote huwe) kiu kia mere saath dhoka

Hassan: pehle paisa ab Teri ye mast jawani

Ye keh ker hassan ne Ruhi ka haath pakra Aur sofe per gira diya aur apni shirt utarne laga

Ruhi ne khud ko itna bebas kabhi mehsoos nahi kia phir himmat ker ke us ne Hassan ko Dhaka diya aur bahir ki taraf bhag gayi

Hassan aur us ke dost bhi piche bhage Ruhi Farmhouse se bahir nikal gayi thori he dur gayi thi ke hassan ne dobara ruhi ko pakar liya

Aur phir hassan ne Ruhi ka dupata pakar ke khench ker utar diya

Phir apna haath kameez ke gireban ke paas le ker gaya Lekin tabhi us ki kalai pakr li gyi

Hassan ne sir ghooma ker daikha samne Aryan lal Ankho ke saath khara tha

Aryan ne haath tor diya hassan taklif se chikne laga phir Aryan ne ek aur larke ke chehre per punch mara wo wanhi gir gaya

Ek ne Aryan ki chest per kick mari Aryan piche huwa phir us ka wohi pair pakar ker tor diya

Phir ek ke pait main punch mar ke us ke face per kick mari

Tabhi ek ne rod Aryan ki kamar per mari Aryan niche gir gaya iss pehle wo phir marta Aryan ne us ki tang per kick mari aur wo gir gaya phir Aryan ne us ki gardan per kohni mari aur khara ho gya

Phir Aryan ne rod uthai aur un 3no per toot para tabhi wahan police ki gari aa gayi

Aur us main se 10 constable aur 1 inspector nikla

Inspector: ye kya ho raha hai yahan

Aryan: wo...

Iss pehle Aryan kuch kehta inspector ne Aryan ko hathkadi laga di

Aryan: arrest mujhe nahi inhe karo

Inspector: hum pagal hai jo thakur shaib ke bete per haath dale galti us ki bhi ho arrest tu he ho ga aur is larki ko bhi arrest karo


Phir ek lady constable Ruhi ko bhi Arrest kar leti hai

♠


“ mujhe yaqeen he nahi karna chahiye tha us Hassan ka kia hal ker diya us ne mera”


Ruhi rote huwe boli Dono ek he jail main band the

Aryan: fikar mat karo hum yahan se nikal jaye gye

Ruhi: kesay ye to phone bhi nahi Karne de rahe

Aryan: sochta hu kuch wesay tum us Hassan ke JAL main phans kesay gyi

Ruhi: mummy to bacpan main guzar gyi papa ne dusri shadi ker li papa ko fikar to thi lekin zadatar business main busy rehte


Ruhi: meri Step mom bhi zada dhayan nahi deti mujh per us waqt hassan meri life main Aya us ne mujhe importance di care ki main thori c care ke liye he tarap rahi thi wo mujhe jahan se mili main ne bagair kuch soche samjhe use he apna man liya

Ruhi zor zor se Rone lagi Aryan ja ker ruhi ke paas baith gya aur us ke kandhe per haath rakh diya

Aryan: pyar se) main hu na sab theek ho gya bus Jan chuti us se tum to shukar karo us ki asliyat samne aa gyi warna to....

Ruhi ne Aryan ke kandhe per sir rakh liya Aryan bhi us ke sir ko sehlana laga

Ruhi ko itna sakoon kabhi mehsoos nahi huwa Wo Aryan se lipat gayi tabhi bahir shor macha

“ACP Shahib aa gye hai”

Dono bhi khare ho ker bahir Daikhne lag gye Tabhi ACP Andar aya Aryan ke chehre per muskan aa gayi

Aryan: malik shahib idhar bhi daikh lo


ACP ne ghoom ker Aryan ko daikha Aur heran ho gya

Malik: muskra ker) unhe jaldi se bahir nikalo

Ek constable ja ker Gate khool deta hai Dono bahir aa jate hai Malik Aryan ko salute Marta hai

Aryan: haath niche ker ke) ab main duty per nahi hu malik

Malik: lekin ap aj bhi mere LIYE wohi mukam rakhte hai DSP shahib

Ruhi Herani se Aryan ko Daikhne lagi saath main pura police station bhi

Aryan: bohat salo baad mil raha hai gale to mil

Malik jaldi se Aryan ko gale mil gya Aryan ne bhi gale laga liya

Aryan: bhool ja sab abhi mujhe hassan ki UPDATE de

Malik: sir Hassan ke susral wale bohat powerful hai wo ap ko Jane nahi de gye itni jaldi WO aa bhi rahe hai

Aryan: chal office main chal wahan wait karte hai

Malik: chale sir

3no office main aa ker wait karne lagye Aryan ki dressing bhi ker di tabhi bahir cars rukne ki awaz ayi

“kis ne mere damad per haath uthaya”

Bahir se kisi Aurat ki garajti huwi Awaz ayi Aryan awaz sun ker chonk gaya

Tabhi Office ka darwaza khula Aur ek 30 saal ki Aurat andar ayi

Aurat: ACP kaha hai wo

Malik Aryan ki taraf ishara ker deta hai Aurat saamne ati hai jaise he us ki nazar Aryan per gayi wo wanhi jam/Freeze gayi

Aryan: tum 2no bahir jao mujhe in se kuch baat Karne hai

Malik bahir chala gya Ruhi dono ko herani se daikhti huwi Halke kadmo se bahir aa gyi

Aurat: shocked) tum

Aryan: to tum ho Hassan ki saas Sonia

Sonia: han

Aryan: tumhare husband kaha hai

Sonia: wo ab duniya main nahi hai

Aryan: hmm

Sonia: haath jod ker) Aryan wo meri sagi beti nahi lekin main us se bohat pyar karti hu please us ki zindagi tabah mat karo

Aryan: kya naam hai us ka

Sonia: Noor

Aryan: kitna pyar karti ho us se

Sonia: apni jan se bhi zada

Aryan: hassan theek larka nahi hai agar mujh par yaqeen hai to us se rishta mat karo

Sonia herani se Aryan ko Daikhne lagi

Aryan: aage tumhari marzi

Sonia: mujhe tum per pura yaqeen hai main wahan rishta nahi karu gi

Aryan: theek hai main chalta hu

Sonia: kia ab bhi mujh se pyar karte ho

Aryan: hum ek dusre ke LIYE ajnabi hai OK

Sonia: theek hai

Aryan wahan se bahir nikla Ruhi pareshani se office ki taraf daikh rahi thi Aryan ne Ruhi ka haath pakra aur bahir aa gya

Police Aryan ki jeep bhi saath layi thi jo paas khari thi

Aryan jeep main baitha Aur Ruhi ko apne saath bitha ker car chala di

Ruhi Aryan ko daikhti ja rahi thi Aryan Apni yaado main gum car chala raha tha

♠


Subha 9:00 baje dono ghar wapis aa gye Aryan ne Ruhi ko us ke Ghar chor aur pari ko le ker apne ghar main aa gya

Ruhi bhi apne kamre main ja ker soo gayi


♠


Dopahar ke khane ke waqt Ruhi jaghi Aur dinner kar ke chat per chali gayi


November ka maheena tha har taraf thand thi neha bhi coffee le ker chat par aa gayi aur ek cup ruhi ko de diya


Neha: Aur sunao

Ruhi: kia sunao yar mujhe to aisa feel ho raha hai jaise meri zindagi tabah ho gayi ho

Neha: move on karo yar

Ruhi: itna easy nahi hai

Neha: kisi ke aane Jane se zindagi khatam nahi ho jati

Ruhi: sirf kehna easy hai

Neha: ek example du

Ruhi: kya

Neha: Aryan he example hai

Ruhi: MATLAB

Neha: ek kahani sunao but real

Ruhi: chalo suna do


Neha: 22 saal ke the Aryan bhai jab un ki shadi huwi ek aisi larki se jis Ke husband ke death ho gayi thi us ke ek beti bhi thi lekin us larki ke papa ke bohat ehsan the Aryan bhai ke papa per to shadi ho gayi Sonia se

Aryan bhai police training per chale gye aur police main chale gye wo pari se bohat pyar karte the iss LIYE unho ne aage baby ka plan he nahi kia

Bohat imandar the un ke promotion huwe Aur wo DSP ban gye un ki police force bhi un se khush thi


Wo apni wife se bhi bohat pyar karte the un ki chooti se chooti baat ka khayal rakhte dinner per Jana ghoomna sab karwate

Hamare saath bhi un ke bohat ache connection the phir Aryan bhai ke mummy papa ki death ho gae wo Akele reh gaye

Un ke paas sirf un ki biwi aur bachi he thi ek din main school se wapis aa rahi thi ke kisi ne mujhe kidnap ker liya

Aur Ek jagha band ker diya wahan aur bhi bohat c bachiya thi

Papa ne Aryan bhai ko bata diya mere ghar na aane ka bhayia ne apni puri power laga ker pata lagwa he liya

Aur wo apni team ke saath wahan aa gye us din sab larkiyo ko boat main bitha ker le ker jaya ja raha tha

Aryan bhai ki team wahan ayi aur sab gundo ko mar diya lekin ek larki ko Aryan bhai ki goli lag gayi aur wo mar gayi

Aryan bhai wanhi apna sir pakar ker baith gye un dost malik ne unhe samjhaya aur ghar Jane ko kaha Wo mujhe le ker ghar ki taraf aa gye

Us waqt 12 baj rahe the main Aryan bhai ko chorne un ke Ghar gayi bhayia ke paas ghar ki chabiya thi

Un se door khool ker hum Andar gye bhabi kahi dikh nahi rahi thi hum kamre ke paas gye to hamari aankhe khuli ki khuli reh gayi


Bhabhi ek 36 saal ke aadmi ke saath sex kar rahi thi bhayia ko be inteha gussa aya

Bhayia ne un uncle ko bohat mara phir bich main bhabhi aa gyi aur unho ne bhayia ko kaha


“hum pyar karte hai ek dusre se door raho in se”

Bhayia ki to zindagi tabah ho gae bhayia ne bhabi ke kehne per un ko divorce de diya

Kiu ke bhayia kisi ko zabardasti khud se bandh ker nahin rakhna chahte the lekin unho ne pari ko apne paas rakhne ko kaha bhabi bhi maan gayi

Agle din bhayia ko suspend ker diya gya ek he pal main bhayia ki zindagi tabah ho gayi lekin unho ne pari ke LIYE har nahi Mani

Aur yahan se America chale gye Aur ban Gye Fixerr aur aj daikho us insaan ko bus ek humsafar ki kami hai lekin phir bhi ek kamyaab insaan Bhayia ko pata hai ke bhabi ko sirf paise aur power ki lalach thi jonus aadmi ke paas the Lekin bhayia ne un ko un ke hal per chor diya


Ruhi neha ko herani se daikh rahi thi kitni galat soch thi us ki Aryan ke baare main us ka Ahsaas ab ho raha tha

Ruhi ne Aryan ke Ghar ki taraf daikha to WO chat per pari ke saath khel raha tha aur us ki muskan me phir se Ruhi kho c gayi aur khud bhi muskarane lagi

Pari ki nazar Ruhi per gayi to us ne use bhi khelne ke LIYE bulaya ruhi ne haath ke ishare se mana ker diya pari phir Aryan ke saath khelne lagi

♠


“to kab ka plan hai wapis jane ka”

Aryan dinner per Usman ki taraf aya tha ye sawal usman ne pucha tha

Aryan: ji kal subha ki flight hai

Usman: theek hai

Ruhi chor nazro se Aryan ko daikh rahi thi lekin Aryan bohat pyar se Pari ko khila raha tha


♠



“jaldi mil lo 1 ghante pehle andar Jana hai”


Airport per the iss waqt sab Aryan ruhi aur pari ko chorne aye the

Neha: ruhi ke kan main) iss bar faisla dil se Lena dimagh se nahi

Ruhi herani se neha ko daikh rahi thi neha muskrate huwe side main khari ho gayi

Aryan: ab chalo bhi

Aryan ne Ruhi ka haath pakra aur ek haath pari ka pakra aur chal diya ruhi herani se Aryan ko daikh rahi thi tabhi us ki nazar saamne ek mirror per gayi aur us muh se apne ap nikal aya


“complete Family”


Aryan: kuch kaha

Ruhi: sharma ker) nahi

♠

Puri flight main Ruhi Aryan ko dekhti rahi Aur phir sab Airport per pohanche jahan Afzal aur jenny un ka wait ker rahe the


Afzal: thanks Aryan

Aryan: is main thanks ki kia baat hai yehi to Fixerr ka kam hai

Afzal: OK then good bye

Aur Afzal chal deta hai Ruhi Aryan ke paas ati hai

Ruhi: theek hai dubara mile gye

Aryan: sure

Tabhi pari Ruhi ka haath pakar leti hai

Pari: hamare saath he rahiye na please na jao

Aryan: beta un ki bhi family hai un ke saath Jane do

Pari bhi haath chor deti hai Aur haath hila ker bye keh deti hai

Ruhi bujhe man se chali huwi Airport se bahir ayi Ajeeb sa khali pan tha ruhi ke andar

Khud ba khud ruhi ki Ankho main ansoo aa gye car road ke dusri taraf thi ruhi road cross ker rahi thi ke ek dum Afzal cheeka

“Ruhiiiii”


Ruhi side mai Daikhti hai ek truck Aa raha tha ruhi ke per dar ke maare wanhi jam gaye


Tabhi ruhi ko ek dhakka laga aur wo truck se dur ja ker giri ruhi ne us taraf daikha to road per khoon se lat pat Aryan gira huwa tha

Ruhi jaldi se khari huwi Aur Aryan ke paas ja ker us ka sir apni goad main rakh liya

Ruhi: rote huwe) kiu kia ap ne aisa Aryan kiu kia mere LIYE apni zindagi kiu khatre main dali


Aryan: dard bhari Awaz main) pyar karta hu tum se iss LIYE

Ruhi ko ye baat sun ker acha bhi laga lekin Aryan halat ki wajha se Rona bhi aa gya

Aryan: bohat pehle batana chahta tha lekin dar tha ke naraz na ho jao tum Aakhir hu to main ek Aiyas aadmi he na Na he mere paas paisa hai na he kuch aur upar se ek beti bhi jis se tum jitna he pyar karta hu to mujhe laga ke shayad mera pyar but na jaye

Ruhi: bohat ache hai ap bohat ache achi to shayad main nahi hu ho sake to mujhe maf ker do please

Aryan:muskara ker) I LOVE YOU RUHI


Ruhi: Rote huwe) I LOVE YOU 2 Please mujhe chor ke mat jao

Aryan: agar gya to wapis le ana

Tabhi wahan ambulance aa gayi Aur Aryan ko stretcher per Lita ker le gayi Pari aur Ruhi bhi Afzal ke saath hospital aa gayi us ka to Rona he band nahi ho raha tha


♠


1 ghante ho gya tha Aryan ko operation theatre main le ker gye

Bahir ruhi roo rahi thi pari bhi roo rahi thi dono Aryan ke LIYE dua ker rahi thi

Afzal: Pari beta ap driver uncle ke saath ja ker papa ke LIYE fruits le aao iss se papa jaldi theek ho jaye gye


Pari bhi jaldi se chali jati hai Baki sab wahan baithe huwe dua ker rahe the

15 minute baad operation theatre ka darwaza khula aur Dr bahir aya

Afzal: kya huwa Dr Aryan kesa hai ab

Dr: I am sorry Mr Afzal but he is no more

Ye keh ker doctor chup ho gya ruhi bhagti huwi operation theatre ke andar gayi

Saamne Aryan bed per bejan leta huwa tha Ruhi chore kadmo ke saath Aryan ke paas gayi

Ruhi: rote huwe) kiu chor ke chale gye mujhe aakhir kiu bewafa nikle na tum bhi

Ruhi ne sir jhuka ker Aryan ke honto per apne Hont rakh diye doctor aur Afzal ye daikh ker bhi chup rahe

2 minute baad ruhi Alag huwi aur ghoom ker Jane lagi tabhi us ki kalayi kisi ne pakar li

Ruhi ne ghoom ker daikha to Aryan ek lamba saans le raha tha monitor per us ko heart beat phir chalne lagi

Aur Aryan ek jhatka le ker bed per gir gaya doctor bhagte huwe aye Aur Operation phir continue ker diya

30 minute ke operation ke baad operation successful huwa

♠


Next day Aryan ko general ward main shift kiya gya sab us Milne gye Afzal bhi ab Ruhi aur Aryan ke rishte ke LIYE raazi tha


Milne ke baad sab bahir chale gye Andar sirf Ruhi Aur Aryan bache

Aryan: shararti lehje main) suna hai ap ke kiss main magic hai

Ruhi ka chehra sharam se lal ho gya

Aryan: hanste huwe) arrey ap sharmati bhi ho

Ruhi Aryan ke paas ayi aur us ke bed per baith gayi Aur Aryan ka haath thaam liya

Ruhi: pyar se) kya hamesha itna he pyar karo gya mujhe se

Aryan ne Ruhi ko apne saath Lita liya

Aryan: iss se bhi zada aakhir you “LOVE WITH FIXERR”


Ruhi ne bhi Aryan ko gale laga liya tabhi pari Andar aa gayi

Pari: kamar per haath rakh ker) main kahan leto

Aryan ne pari ko bich main Lita liya Ruhi ne bhi pari ko gale laga liya aur teeno lait gaye Aryan Aur Ruhi Apni Apne wali zindagi ke liye khush the Aur pari Apne mummy papa ke saath khush thi




♠THE END♠

bhai bahut badiya story.... fixer ka kkhud ka biwi ne dhoka diya....... bad me woh or ki life fix karne ka decide kiya.....bahut khub

 

[The Immortal]

Review on : AMAR-KALPANA (DEPTH OF LOVE)
Writer: @The Immortal

huum badhiya story hai bhai jab ek baar dil kisi ko pasand kar leta to dobara bhi koi muskil nahi hota lekin sukar hai koi bich me aaya nahi dono ke warna kahani badal jati fir..achchi kosish kiya bhai mai aapko 10 me 10 deta hun

Bohat bohat sukriya Rahul Bhai , apka ye review bohat mayne rakhta hai mere liye . Love ki agar koi limit Hoti hai toh wo love Nahi.
Thanx for not revealing the end of the story .

 

[Chutiyadr]

REVIEW

STORY - ISHQ WALA LOVE

WRITER- The Blue Prince

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-699757



PLOT – a sad lov story ….

Bahut achchi writing hai ,Jayda kuch nhi kahunga bas itana hi kahuna ki ye story pasand aayi..

Story sad jarur hai lekin asal me ye ek hakikat hi hai ,aaye din ham akhbaro me ye padhte hai ki ghar walo ne premi jodo ki hatya ki ,ise honour killing kaha jata hai ,jisme samaj ki sankirn mansikta ke kaarn prem karna hi gunah mana jata hai..

Bharat bhale hi kitana bhi pada likha hogaya hai ,aur hame lagta hai ki ab hamare samaj me jaati dharm se badkar insaniyat hi hai ,lekin ye sab bas kuch bade shahro ke padhe likhe tabke tak hi simit hai ,chhote shahro aur ganwo ki halt ab bhi waisi hai ,badlaw to aaye hai lekin jab mamla pyar ka ho to log apni padhai likhai sab kuch bhool jaate hai ,samaaj aaj bhi intercast marriage ko accept nhi kar paata,kahi iske liye kanoon thode narm hai to kahi bahut hi kathor ,aur kahi kahi to log premi jodo ko samohik rup se hatya hi kar dete hai…………

Isi honor killing par ye story base hai ,jo ek achcha prayas hai…

NOTE FOR WRITER-blue prince bhai apki story bahut hi achchi hai,apne ek badiya subject uthaya hai aur achchi story likhi hai ..

Best of luck for contest….

 

[Chutiyadr]

REVIEW

STORY - Falling in love

WRITER- Fighter

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-700145



PLOT – ise main love story nhi kahunga asal me ye story apne naam par gai hai falling in love,bas yhi tak ki story hai..

Viccky uraf fighter ek Kabir sing type ka ladka hai jise apni junior se pyar ho jaata hai ,mujhe ise padhkar movie Kabir sing ki hi yad aa rahi thi ,pahli najr me ladaka ladki ko dil de baithata hai ladki bhi use chahane lagti hai lekin logo ke dar se wo uska pyar kabul nhi karti ,ladke ko gussa aata hai lekin fir kuch dino ke bad ladki uske pyar ko accept kar leti hai …..

Pahli najar ka pyar hamesha se writers ke liye ek favraite topic raha hai ,



NOTE FOR WRITER- fighter bhai aapne ek achchi story likhi hai

Best of luck for contest….