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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

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mohit98075

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REVIEW

STORY - EHSAAS

WRITER - mohit98075

LINK- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-694656

PLOT- story ki pahli line ke kuch shabd

“ bahti hawaon ke sath badalti akirtiyon me dhalte rui se ye badal ke tukde man ko kitna sukun dete hai”

Itana hi ye samjhne ko pariyapt hai ki story kisi bahut hi achche writer ke hatho me hai ,aur ek utsukta si paida kar deti hai ….

Story ka plot bahut hi napa tula hai aur sath hi short story hone ke karn bahut hi kasa hua bhi hai ,shuruwat me lgata hai ki ye anu ke nayi jindagi ke shuruwat ki kahani hai jo wo amit ke sath shuru karne wali thi ,lekin story me ek twist aata hai aur anu ko ye ahsas hota hai ki uska kiya hua ahsas galt tha,wo ab jivan me prem ki kami se junjhne lgti hai aur fir ek nayi jindagi use apne purane payr aur writer ke naam mohit ke rup me use milta hai ……

Isme sabse aham kirdar hai anu aur mohit ki beti neha jiske real ahsas ke karn story me turn aane lagte hai …..

MERITS-

1. Bolne wali bat nhi ki story achchi hai ,ek simple si story ko badiya tarike se sajaya gaya hai ,ye story simple sirf dikhne me hi hai kyoki agar iske ander ke complex ko dekha jaye to ye mansik dwand ko darsati hui story hai …

2. Story kahi bhi apna follw nhi khoti jisse padne me bahut hi asani hoti hai ..

3. Writer ki writing skills ki wajah se is story ka kad aur bhi bad gaya hai ,kai aise lines hai jo ki bahut hi creative hai

DEMERITS- mujhe isme kamiya to nhi dikhi kyoki ye har tarh se mujhe ek behtr story lagi lekin fir bhi ager kuch khojane ki koshis ki jaaye to mujhe lagta hai ki story ke kuch part ko aur detail me likha ja sakta tha,khaskar anu ki mansik dwand ko aur bhi gahrai se darsaya ja sakta tha ,agar word limits ki problem na ho to….



NOTE FOR WRITER - mohit bhai bahut hi mast khani hai ,best of luck



:
Sukiya apne is anmol sabdo ke liye :hug:
Jaha tak thoda aur vistar se likhne ki baat hai kewal itna kahuga jitna jaha jo jaruri laga utna hi likha jo dimag aata gaya vah type hota gaya....
:thanks: for beautiful review Dr shahb :love:
 

mohit98075

Well-Known Member
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Hmm Great story
Anu na shayad Amit par ankhen band kar ka bharosa kar liya tha jo usne toor diya magar anu ko khud sochna chahiya tha mana ka piyaar ki umer ni hoti magar usko apni jawan beti ka hi khayal karna chahiya tha abhi to usko divorce bhi nahi howa tha
Baki mujha yeh khushi hy ka anu ko Neha ne apni galti ka ahsaas kar wa diya aur dono ko ikatha kar diya
Ab bacche bade ho Jaye to insaan apne bare me sochna chod de :?:
:thanks: for review mehar :love:
 

Venom

Well-Known Member
3,657
2,207
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कहानी का नाम - सातवां टोना

कहानीकार - विजय शर्मा

सातवां टोना पढ़ने के बाद सबसे पहले मैंने यह चेक किया कि क्या सब मुझे सुन पा रहे हैं क्योंकि एक पल के लिए तो मुझे यूं लगा कि कहीं यह सातवा टोना मुझ पर ही तो नहीं हो गया !

शायद यह एक कहानीकार की सबसे बड़ी विजय होती है कि उसका रीडर इस हद तक कहानी में खो जाता है कि उसे कहानीकार की कल्पना सच लगने लगती है !

बहुत ही अच्छी कहानी तैयार की गई है जिसने ना कोई अशुद्धि है और ना ही कोई मन उबाऊ मसाला ! कहानी का फ्लो गजब का है !

मुझे सिर्फ एक जगह बहुत ज्यादा हंसी आई जब कहानीकार बुढे के मरडर की बात सोच रहा था बाकि टाइम संजीदगी से मेरा दिमाग कहानी के टोने में लगा हुआ था !

कहानी का प्लॉट लिखने का तरीका और प्रस्तुतीकरण निराला है कहानी कहीं भी आपको बोर नहीं करती है और धड़कनों को भी बढ़ा देती है मेरे तो खुद रोए खड़े हो गए थे !

शुरुआत में एक जगह कहानीकार ने वयोवृद्ध युवा बुक सेलर को लड़का कहा है वही समझ नहीं आया क्योंकि वह तो लड़का नहीं आदमी हुआ ना (ये मजाक था)

अंत में सिर्फ इतना कहना जरूरी है कि
"" किया कराया अब सब मुझ पर ""

:claps::claps:
 

Venom

Well-Known Member
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Story name -- MITTI KI KHUSHBU
Writer- Chutiyadr

Desh prem ki kahaniyon ki tarif ke liye paryapt shabd nahi hote hain kyu ki ye kahaniyan jazbaton ko jhinjhodti hain aur seedhe dil me samati hain . Ek romanchkari khushi mahsoos hoti hai .

Dr sahab yun to aap ki lekhni ke chamtkar se na koi reader aur na hi koi vishay achhota raha hai lekin is desh prem se oat prot rachna me wakai desh ki mitti ki khushbu rachi basi hai .

Fauji ka pahla pyar desh hi hota hai baki sab kuchh uske baad aata hai .Ram singh ka pariwar uska ek khoobsurat sa udaharan pesh karta hai .

Jis wakt ek pita apne putra ke antim sanskar me shamil hua wo behad marmik kshan tha jisme aankhon me anayas hi aansu aa jate hain to doosri taraf Rana ji ki call par Abhishek ka bebak deshbhakti wala sentence dil ko chhoo leta hai .

Dr sahab dil khush ho jata hai aisi rachnayein padh kar . Kamiyon me sirf Ram singh ka naam hai jo shayad Raam sing nahi hota hai but I am not pretty sure about this may be ye naam bhi hota ho .

Kahani ka antim drishya jisme ram singh ko kheton me jhoomte apne pote me swargiya beta dikhai deta hai , achchha khasa bhawuk kar jata hai .


:claps::claps:
 

Vijay2309

Well-Known Member
5,907
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189
कहानी का नाम - सातवां टोना

कहानीकार - विजय शर्मा

सातवां टोना पढ़ने के बाद सबसे पहले मैंने यह चेक किया कि क्या सब मुझे सुन पा रहे हैं क्योंकि एक पल के लिए तो मुझे यूं लगा कि कहीं यह सातवा टोना मुझ पर ही तो नहीं हो गया !

शायद यह एक कहानीकार की सबसे बड़ी विजय होती है कि उसका रीडर इस हद तक कहानी में खो जाता है कि उसे कहानीकार की कल्पना सच लगने लगती है !

बहुत ही अच्छी कहानी तैयार की गई है जिसने ना कोई अशुद्धि है और ना ही कोई मन उबाऊ मसाला ! कहानी का फ्लो गजब का है !

मुझे सिर्फ एक जगह बहुत ज्यादा हंसी आई जब कहानीकार बुढे के मरडर की बात सोच रहा था बाकि टाइम संजीदगी से मेरा दिमाग कहानी के टोने में लगा हुआ था !

कहानी का प्लॉट लिखने का तरीका और प्रस्तुतीकरण निराला है कहानी कहीं भी आपको बोर नहीं करती है और धड़कनों को भी बढ़ा देती है मेरे तो खुद रोए खड़े हो गए थे !

शुरुआत में एक जगह कहानीकार ने वयोवृद्ध युवा बुक सेलर को लड़का कहा है वही समझ नहीं आया क्योंकि वह तो लड़का नहीं आदमी हुआ ना (ये मजाक था)

अंत में सिर्फ इतना कहना जरूरी है कि
"" किया कराया अब सब मुझ पर ""

:claps::claps:

हेल्लो हेल्लो...:tease3: फ्रिकु जी
आप मेरी आवाज सुन पा रही है:D
उम्मीद है टोना आप पर भी काम कर गया और आपका बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया भी की मेरे मामूली टोने की आपने इतनी तारीफ की....
आपने लड़के का जिक्र किया था तो सच बताऊं वो मेरी ही गलती थी...पहले मुझे वह अधेड़ युवा लगा फिर
मेंने उसी व्यक्ति को अलग अलग नामों से संबोधित किया ये मेरी गलती थी और में इसके लिए क्षमा प्रार्थी हूं...दरअसल कहानी एडिट करने के चक्कर में मै ये इतनी बड़ी भूल देख ही नहीं पाया और फिर पोस्ट करने के बाद मैंने इसे दरकिनार करना ही उचित समझा....

रीडर को कहानी पसंद आए ये किसी लेखक के लिए सबसे बड़ी खुशी कि बात होती है । लेकिन अगर रीडर खुद को कहानी से जोड़ ले तो ये लेखक के लिए किसी अवॉर्ड से कम नहीं....आपके सुंदर रिव्यू ने काफी हद्द तक मुझे इस कॉन्टेस्ट का अवॉर्ड एडवांस में ही दे दिया...आपका बहुत बहुत आभार

"" किया कराया अब सब मुझ पर ""
:angel2::angel2:
 

sharaabi

Active Member
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MITTI KI KHUSHBU
Sir puchiye mat kitna dil ko sukun mila ye story read karke dil kush horaha aap ke likhwat me jadu he jo sayad koi aur hi ye story ko is tarah se likh sakta thaa puri puri ek army family ka filing paros diya he ek jagah bhi nahi thaa jaha thori si bhi kahani se hat saku
hands of sir
10 of 10 for this story from me
 
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mysteryman

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REVIEW:declare:

STORY- सातवां टोना।
WRITER-विजय शर्मा ।

Sabse pahli chiz ko kisi reader ko apni or akrshit karti hai vi hota he story ka title.... kuchh alag or akarshak tha :evillaugh:

dursri chiz hoti he story ka content jo ki bohot hi lajawab tha jis tarah se sabhi chizon ka bariki rupantaran kiya gya he vo kafi sarahniy he....

Ye story mene puri nhi padi kyuki kisi chiz ko jab pdta hu to bich mai thoda ruk kar sochta hu kya kyu kese etc... to jab mujhe ahsash hua ki ye writer sahab aisa kuchh kar skte hein ant mai kahi satvan tona apne readers per hi na laga de to mene wahi se pause maar ke review dene aa gya.....

Nice story---- 8.5+1(for writing in hindi):khallas:

 

Sanskari Larka

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Sir puchiye mat kitna dil ko sukun mila ye story read karke dil kush horaha aap ke likhwat me jadu he jo sayad koi aur hi ye story ko is tarah se likh sakta thaa puri puri ek army family ka filing paros diya he ek jagah bhi nahi thaa jaha thori si bhi kahani se hat saku
hands of sir
10 of 10 for this story from me
Abhi bhi Nashe me ho kya bhai,
Wo meri story nahi Dr bhai ki hai
 
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MEHAR1234

Every Soul Will Taste Death
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Prefix - Romance
Writer - The Immortal

TITLE
AMAR-KALPANA (DEPTH OF LOVE)



Year 2040
At collage



"Yaar is Saal annual function par Kuch special karte hai" ek collage ke canteen Mai baithe 2 ladke aur 1 ladki ke group Mai se ek ladke ne Kaha.

"Aur ye special kya Hoga Aryan? " group ki ladki ne pucha .

"Anni is Baar hum play karte hai love theme par" Aryan ne jawab diya.

" Yaar love theme par toh bohat si movies, serials, web shows, aur of course play bhi hue hai, toh is mai special kya hai?". Is baar Group ke dusre ladke ne pucha.

"Kyuki Ronny is baar jis love story Ka play hum karenge wo sach bhi hai aur kalpana bhi hai"

" Hmm, chal suna hum bhi toh sune kya special hai is love story mai" Anni ne pucha.

"Kal Sunday hai, toh kal mere Ghar par milo breakfast par". Itna bol Kar Aryan Chala Gaya canteen se aur chhod gaya Anni aur Ronny ke liye ek sawal ki aisi kon si story hai Jo sach bhi hai aur kalpana bhi.


Next day (Sunday)
At Aryan's home
After breakfast



Ek three seater sofe par Aryan Uske dad and mom baithe the aur unki dono taraf Anni aur Ronny single seater sofo par baithe the.

"Aryan ab suna bhi de story, kal se yahi Soch Raha Hu ki aisi kya hai is story mai Jo sach bhi hai kalpana bhi". Ronny ne utsukta jatayi apni.

Aryan ne Apne Dad ki taraf muskura Kar Dekha bas .

"Mai sunata Hu ye kahani bachho". Aryan ke Dad ne muskurate hue Kaha.


27 march 2016

Sydney ke opera house mai Romeo and juliet ka last play dekh ke ek ladki play ki brilliant performance mai khoi hui parking ki taraf ja rahi thi, theek uske bagal mai se ek ladka bhi parking ki taraf ja raha tha. Housefull tha show, ek to opera house duniyabhar mai famous aur uske sath romeo and juliet ka play usse bhi jyada famous , rush to honi hi thi .


dono apni hi dhun mai aage badh rahe the , in dono ko itna bhi pata nahi chala ki kab saamne se aa rahe 2 ladke inse takraa gaye . takrane se chaaro wahin gir gaye aur sath hi ladki or ladka apne khayalo se bahar aa gaye .


pehle to kisi ko kuch samajh nahi aaya , aur jab samajh aaya ki wo kaise gire tab apne aap ko sambhalte hue charo khade hue .
"hey watch out dude " dusari taraf se ek ladke ne kaha .
" hey sorry bro it was our mistake " ladki ko thoda nervous hote dekh use apne piche karte hue ladke ne kaha.
" Are you guys Indian ?" dusari taraf se dusre ladke ne puchha.
"we love India & Indian culture, we traveled all over there " usi ladke ne apni baat jari rakhi.
" by the way this is our card , we have coffee shop here near by , if you like to hang out some time you are most welcome, " ek card aage badhate hue usi ladke ne apni baat khatam ki.
"sure & thanks " is taraf se ladke ne jwaab diya or card le liya.
"By the way we are sorry too it was our mistake as well, see you some time " itna bolne ke baad wo dono ladke bahar nikal gaye.
" thanks " ladke ko aage jaate hue dekh ladki ne kaha.
"are isme thanks ki koi baat nahi hai, wese bhi wo bure log nahi the " ladke ne ruk kar jawab.
"fir bhi help to help hoti hai , unki jagah bure log bhi ho sakte the" ladki ladke ki taraf jaate hue boli.
" its ok".
"tum indian ho?" ladki ne puchha.
"Nahi bhutan se tadipaar kiya hai mujhe, of course yaar Indian hu, mere pehnaave or language se nahi lag raha kya" ladke ne apne pehnaave ko dikhate hue jwaab diya.
itni der mai ladki ne pehli baar ladke ko gaur se dekha, ladka white kurte paijame mai kafi handsome lag raha tha, aur ladke ne bhi notice Kiya ladki ko, dhudh ki tarah gori thi wo aur white suit mai bohat khubsurt lag rahi thi, lekin sabse khas thi uski aankhe, ladka Jaise uski aankho Mai dhubne sa laga tha, Suraj ki kirno se jyada chamak mehsus ki ladke ne uski aankho mai.
"India mai kaha se ho? " ladki ne pucha.
"delhi " ladke ne Apne khyalo se bahar aate hue jwaab diya.
"kamaal hai mai bhi delhi se hu" ladki ne kaha aur dono saath chalne lage.
"Hi, i am Kalpana " ladki ne hath aage badhate hue kaha.
"Amar" ladke ne hand shake karte hue kaha.
"tum collage mai padhati ho" Amar ne puchha
"Padhati thi lekin kuch time pehle mera accident ho gaya tha, doctor ne bataya ki accident ki wajah se mujhe VASCULAR COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT hua hai" Kalpana ne abhi itna hi bola tha.
"Aur is case mai insaan ke brain ke major blood vessels block ho jate hai aur memory chali jati hai " Amar ne Kalpana ki baat puri ki.
"Apko kaise pata? " Kalpana ne shock hote hue puchh.
"Bohat ajeeb itefaak hai, lekin same mere sath bhi hua hai" Amar ne jwaab diya.
"Bura lagta hoga na ki past ka kuch yaad nahi hai" Kalpana ne udasi bhare lehze mai ye baat kahi.
"Bura lagne ki baat to hai, lekin ye socho ki ek new life jee rahe hai hum" Amar ne Kalpana ko samjhaya.
"I think Hume dubara milna chahiye" Kalpana ne kaha. Amar se aati positive vibes se wo kafi impress hui.
"mujhe bhi aisa lagta hai "
"kal coffee pe chalte hai, in dono ke coffee shop par" Kalpana ne Amar ke hath mai Jo card tha uski taraf isaara karte hue kaha.
"Sure "
"Ek selfie ho Jaye Apke sath?" Kalpana ne bohat pyar se puchha.
"Jaan na pehachan selfie mai mehman"
" Are ek selfie hi to hai"
"Theek hai"
Kalpana ne Apne phone se selfie li. Kalpana ki aadat thi baat baat par selfie Lena.
Dono ne number exchange kiya aur next day milne ka plan bana ke chal diye apne-2 destination par, dono India se Sydney apne-2 relative ke yahan aaye the specially romeo & juliet ka play dekhane liye, jiski ticket inke parents ne di thi.

Raat bhar dono ek dusre ke khayal mai khoye rahe, Jahan Kalpana ko Amar ki positive vibes apne taraf attract kar rahi thi wahin Amar ko Kalpana ki selfie wali chulbuli harkat Pasand aa gayi thi. khair dono next day mile coffee par, dono ek dusre ke sath kafi acha mehsoos kar rahe the .
uske baad to inki mulakate badhti gayi dono mai achi dosti hui aur dosti kab pyar mai badli dono ko pata hi nahi chala.
pyar ka izhaar hua dono ne ek dusre ko accept kiya, aur sath hi apne relation ke baare mai apne parents ko bhi bata diya, dono ke parents ache business family se belong karte the aur barabari mai rista ho raha tha to unhe bhi koi objection nahi tha. dono ke parents ne inke wapas aane ke baad inki engagement fix kar Di thi.
sab kuch in dono ke liye kisi romantic sapne ki tarah chal raha tha .

Engagement day

Engagement ek bohat bade banquet Mai rakha Gaya tha, Dono family bohat khus the, relative & friends aate gift dete dono ko aur chale jaate. Aur phir aayi wo, Jo inki liye ek sawal chhod dene wali thi.

"Congratulations Kalpana" ek guldasta dete hue ek ladki ne congratulate Kiya, ye thi Kalpana ki best friend Nisha. Dono bachapn ke friend the, Nisha school ke baad Delhi se London chali gayi thi apni study complete Karne ke liye.

"Thanks" Nisha se gale milte hue Kalpana ne Kaha.

"ye wahi hai kya tera handsome boyfriend" Nisha ne maze Lete hue Kaha .

Ye Amar aur Kalpana ke liye ek dhamaka tha, kyuki inke ghar walo ke siwa aur koi Nahi janta tha ke ye dono ek dusre ko pehle se jante hai.
"Tujhe Kaise pata?" Shock bhare lafaz the Kalpana ke.
"Are tune hi toh bataya tha phone par ki aaj tujhe ek ladke ne purpose Kiya aur tune accept bhi Kar liya, Tu bohat khus lag rhi thi yaar" Kalpana ko shock hote Dekh Nisha ne bhi hairani se jawab diya.
"Kab?".
"Tere accident se Kuch ghante pehle hi " . accident ke samay wo Kalpana se Milne aayi thi, uske baad se Nisha wapas chali gayi thi or Uske muskil se 1-2 baar hi baat hui thi inki wo bas Kalpana ki health ko leke.

Dheere dheere engagement ceremony khatam hui, aur chhod gayi inke liye ek sawal ki kon tha Kalpana Ka boyfriend?, Aisa kya hua un Kuch ghanto Mai Jo wo dubara milne Nahi aaya, ya fir aaya tha but Kalpana use pehchan Nahi payi, lekin agar wo samne aaya hota toh Kalpana ko jarur pata chalta wo jarur batata ki wo Kalpana Ka boyfriend hai. Toh kya hua jo wo wapas Nahi aaya ya isme koi saajis ho us ladke ki ,kya pata usne hi Kalpana Ka accident Kiya ho, ya koi majboori ho uski wapas na aane ki aur kya hoga agar wo future Mai wapas aa Gaya toh? Sawal sirf ek, ki Kalpana Ka ek boyfriend tha Aur us-se Judi thi itni saari theories. Pehla pyar Kabhi bhule nahi bhulte log but Sayad Aisa pehli Baar hua Hoga jab koi apna pehla pyar bhul Gaya Hoga .

Next day
Morning 11:00 AM


Raat ko hi dono ne Milne Ka plan banaya, aur is waqt dono MOMENTS mall ki parking Mai Amar ki car Mai kafi Der se baithe hue the lekin baat Kahan se suru kare ye dono ko hi samjh Nahi aa raha tha.

"Kya kare ab?" Baat Amar ne suru ki.
"Mujhe toh Kuch samjh hi Nahi aa Raha".
"Mujhe lagta hai hume tumhare boyfriend ko dhundhna chahiye"
"Hmmm" Kalpana bas itna hi bol payi .
Jo Aankhe Kabhi Suraj ki kirno se jyada jyada chamkti thi aaj wo dead si hone lagi thi . Kehte hai ki dead eyes mai dil ki saari bhavnaye dikhti hai, jyadatar dead eyes ladko ki hi hoti hai isiliye ladkiya ladko ki saari bhavnayo ko unki aankho Mai Dekh Kar hi padh leti hain. But aaj ulta ho Raha tha Kalpana ki aankhe dead si ho rahi thi aur Amar wo saari Bhavnaye Dekh pa raha tha jisme gussa bhara tha ki koi kaise Kuch ghanto Mai itna badal sakta hai ki wapas milne bhi nahi aaya wo bhi us samay jab Uske sath Aisa hadsa hua tha, Dard tha is baat Ka ki kya Galti hui hogi usse Jo wo wapas hi nahi aaya, Nafart thi khud ke liye ki Kaise wo bhul gayi us chehre ko jo uska pehla pyar tha.
Dard toh Amar ko bhi ho raha tha, jis ladki se wo itna pyar karta tha wo aaj aise haalat se gujar rahi thi, Aur sath hi darr tha is baat Ka ki kya hoga inke relation ka jab wo milega .

Sayad hi Itihas mai Aisa hua hoga ki kisi couple ke saamne aisi situation aayi hogi, Na koi dusman ,na koi jati-dharam ki problem, aur na hi koi amiri-gareebi ka problem phir bhi aise haalat se gujar rahe the ye dono, wo bhi Kisi aise saksh ki wajah se jiska koi naam pata hi nahi tha.

" Kaha dhundhenge use, mujhe toh Kuch yaad bhi nahi". Muskil se bol fute rahe the Kalpana ke. "Meri best friend ko hi Nahi pata ki wo kon hai toh kisi aur ko kya pata hoga".
Sahi Kaha tha usne Jo baat uski best ko nahi pata wo kisi aur ko kya pata hogi. Kya karta Amar, ye use bhi samjh nahi aa raha tha, Kaha se suru kare. Kaise lata uski chanchalta wapis, wo baat baat par selfie lena, Miss kar raha tha Amar.
"Ek selfie ho Jaye?" Kalpana ke chehre par smile lane ke liye aisa Amar ne kaha.
"Nahi , Mood Nahi hai abhi" Apne phone par ungliyo ko kaste hue Kalpana ne inkaar Kar Diya.
"Apna phone dena jara" Kuch sochte hue Amar ne uska phone manga.
"Kya karoge?". Apna phone dete hue Kalpana ne Kaha.
"Tumhe selfie lene ki aadat hai, Toh ho Sakta hai ye aadat accident se pehle bhi rahi ho" Kalpana ke phone ki gallery Mai pics check karte hue Amar ne samjhaya ki wo kya kar raha hai.
"Isme toh accident se pehle ke pics hai hi nahi". Last pic ki detail check karte hue Amar ne Kaha.
"Wo sayad mere dusre phone Mai ho sakte hai, jab accident hua tha toh wo phone tut gaya tha".
"Toh phir chalo tumhare Ghar chalte hai".
Sirf ek Raat Mai hi Kalpana Ka chehra kafi murjha gaya tha, aur Amar jald se jald is problem ko khatm Karna Chahta tha, chahe future Mai Kuch bhi but filhal wo Uske chehre par muskurahat lana Chahta tha, un aankho mai wapas wahi chamak lana Chahta tha jise dekh Kar wo kho Jaya karta tha.

Jitni fast ho sakta tha utni fast dono Kalpana ke ghar pohanche ,car parking Mai lagayi aur ghar ke andar enter hue.

"Mom mera pehle wala phone Kaha hai?" Apne mom ko dhundhte hue Kalpana kitchen mai pohanchi jahan uski maa lunch ki taiyyari Kar rahi thi.

"Wo toh mere bedroom ke almari Mai rakha hua hai, abhi Kuch din pehle hi tumhare Papa se bol ke banwaya hai, tumhari engagement Mai itni busy ho gayi ki tumhe batana bhul gayi", Kalpana ki maa ne jawab diya.

Dono bedroom Mai gaye almari check ki aur unhe wahan ek iPhone 6s mila. Kismat se Kalpana ki mom ne phone charge kar rakha tha. Phone lock tha but lock kholne mai koi dikkat nahi hui kyuki lock fingerprint tha aur Kalpana ke fingerprint se match karta tha.

Phone ki gallery open ki aur Bingo, Kalpana ki selfie lene ki aadat pehle bhi thi. Jald ji unhone Puri gallery chhan Mari but usme sirf Kalpana aur uski friends ke hi pics the.

"Ab kya kare?" Tute hue sabd ek baar phir Kalpana ke muh se nikle.
Jo ek ummid najar aayi thi use wo jati si dikh rahi thi but Amar abhi bhi pics ko badi gaur se dekh raha tha.
"Yaad hai kal Nisha ne kya Kaha tha, usne bataya tha ki accident se Kuch ghante pehle hi tumhe ek ladke ne purpose Kiya tha , Right".
"Haan"
"Aur tumhare phone ke ye last pics sayad tumhare accident ke hone se pehle ke hai jo ki MOMENTS mall ke andar ke hain jahan se hum abhi Aaye hai, toh jarur usne tumhe usi mall Mai purpose Kiya Hoga".
"Hmmm Right"
"Right nahi, chalo jaldi dekhte hai wahan ke CCTV footage mai, pakka un footage mai wo ladka jarur aaya Hoga tumhare sath".
Dono jitni speed se mall se ghar aaye the utni hi speed se mall wapas ja rahe the but pics ke piche ye log itna kho gaye ki call details check hi nahi ki aur na hi pics ki details check ki. Aksar hum log excitement, gum, Khushi, gusse mai Kuch jaruri baate bhul jaate hai aur yahi iss waqt inke saath hua.

Mall pohanch ne baad Amar ne ek waiter se wahan ke manager ko bulane ki request ki.
Manager se thodi der request Karne ke baad wo maan gaya footage dikhane ke liye.
"Sir date batayenge kis din ki footage dekhani hai apko" Apne office Mai pohanch ne ke baad manager ne unse puchha.
"September 15th 2015 " Kalpana ne jawab diya, usne ye date apne medical report Mai dekhi thi.
Hairan hote hue Amar ne Kalpana ki taraf dekha. But Kalpana toh baichen thi Apne pehle pyar ko dekhne ke liye isliye usne Amar ki taraf dhyan nahi diya.
Manager ne September ki recording disc apne PC mai lagaya or 15th September ki recording chalu Kar di.
Jaise Jaise recoding chal rahi thi waise waise Kalpana ke expression bhi change ho rahe the. Gussa ,dard,nafrat ek ke baad ek Uske face par dikh rahe the.

3:05 PM

Finally Kalpana mall ke entry gate se aati hue dikhi aur Uske piche Jo saksh enter hua use dekhne ke baad wo stabhad si reh gayi , use apni aankho par vishwas Nahi ho raha tha. Kabhi wo recoding dekhti toh Kabhi Amar ko kyuki Jo saksh Uske piche se enter hua wo aur koi nahi Amar hi tha.

Dono food court Mai gaye aur ek table par aamne saamne baithe gaye. Kuch der dono baate karte rahe phir ek waiter ek cake le ke aaya jis par likha tha 'I Love You Kalpana' Jise dekh Kar recoding mai Kalpana thodi shock hui aur idhar real mai Kalpana ki aankhe khuli ki khuli reh gayi. Recording mai dekhne se yahi lag raha tha ki Kalpana bohat khus hai. Uske baad Amar ne use ek red rose diya Jo usne sharmate hue accept kiya. Thodi der Normal baat chit hui Uske baad Amar phone Mai Kuch Karne laga , zoom Karne par pata Chala ki wo opera House ki tickets book kar raha tha. Is waqt Amar ke paas wo phone nahi tha jo recording Mai show ho raha tha.

Ab jaake dono ko samjh aaya ki Kiya hua tha us din, kyu Kalpana Ka boyfriend matlab Amar usse milne nahi aaya. Us din dono mall se ghar ke liye ek sath nikale the jo ki recording mai bhi saaf dikh raha tha, Aur ghar jaate hue inki car ka accident hua hoga, aur wahan ke logo ne inhe hospital mai admit karwaya hoga.

Manager ke office mai toh in dono ne kisi tarah apne emotions ko toh control kar liya but jab ye wapas parking mai aa kar apne car Mai bade aaram se baithe, Dono ne ek baar ek dusre ko dekha aur chillate hue ek dusre ke gale lag gaye, Aisa lag raha tha jaise ek dusre ke jism se paar hi ho jayenge, sirf ek din mai hi inhone ek janam jee liya tha apni pichali Zindagi ke Kuch pal dekh Kar hi.

"Ek minute" Amar ko khud se alag karte hue Kalpana Apne pehle phone ke call details dekhne lagi jisme last call Nisha ko Kiya gaya tha aur 2nd last call Amar ka hi tha jo saved tha Amar name se.
Dono ek baar phir gale mile aur ek dusre ko chumne lage paglo ki tarah.

"Mai abhi aaya tum yahi ruko" 10 minutes tak pagalo ki tarah ek dusre ko chumne ke baad Amar ne Kalpana ko roka aur car se utar kar mall Mai wapas chala gaya.

"Kaha gaye the" takriban 15 minutes baad jab Amar wapis aaya toh Kalpana ne pucha.

"Ye dekho apni recording, yahi lene gaya tha". Apne phone Mai recording dikhate hue Amar ne kaha jo wo mall ke manager se le aaya tha.

Uske baad ye dono Apne ghar ko nikal gaye. Lekin ek sawal abhi bhi reh gaya tha ki in dono ke paas ke paas opera House ki tickets Kaise pohanchi.

Apne mom dad se puchne par pata chala ki Kalpana ki ticket uske purse Mai thi aur Amar ki ticket usi car mai thi jiska accident hua tha. Toh iska inhone sirf anuman lagaya ki mall se nikalne ke baad inhone kisi cyber cafe se apni tickets nikali hogi aur apni apni tickets Apne paas rakhi hogi aur phir ghar ke liye honge ek sath Amar ki car mai aur bich mai hi inka accident ho gaya hoga aur Amar Ka phone us accident mai kahin kho gaya hoga.

Dono khus the Apne pehle pyar ko pa kar, dono ki Shaadi hui ek bacha hua, aur dono apna jeevan khusi khusi gujaarne lage.

Apni yaad-daast khone ke baad bhi dono ka dil dhadka bhi toh ek dusre ke liye, sayad yahi hai 'DEPTH OF LOVE'.


Year 2040
At Aryan's house



"Toh bacho kaisi lagi ye love story" Aryan ke dad ne Ronny aur Anni se pucha.

"Dimak ke saare fuse ud gaye uncle" Apna sir khujate hue Ronny ne jawab diya.
"But is story Ka title kya hai uncle" ye sawal Anni ki taraf se aaya tha .
"Depth of love" Aryan ki mom ne title bataya aur Apne pati ki taraf dekhne lagi.

"Kya lagta hai ye story sach hai ya Kalpana?". Anni aur Ronny jab ghar se bahar aaye toh Anni ne sawal kiya.
"Sach ho ya Kalpana hume kya , hume toh ek dumdaar love story mil gayi hai, ab to pure college Mai charche honge humare group ke" Ronny ne excitement Mai Kaha aur dono Nikal Gaye Apne Apne ghar ko.


Inside Aryan's house


"Dad kya lagta hai inhe yakin hoga is par?" Aryan ne Apne Dad se pucha.
"Kuch sach kalpnao se bhi ajeeb hote, hamari family ko in 23 saalo mai yakin Nahi hua toh in bachho ko kya hoga" Aryan ke Dad ne muskurate hue jawab diya or saamne pade laptop par wo recording Chala di jisme Amar ne Kalpana ko purpose Kiya tha Aur kho gaye apni usi Yaad Mai Jo ek maatr saboot tha inki bhuli hui Zindagi ka.

THE END.
WWWWAAAAHHHH IMMORTAL BHAI KIYA KHANI LIKHI HY
LADKA LADKI AJAAN MULK MAIN MILTE HAN Jo Apni purani sari yaadasht kho chuka hote han AUR Ahista Ahista un main pyaar ho jata hy aur Engagement ka din unhe pata chalta hy ka us ladki ka boyfriend tha aur bade main dhoondna par pata chalta hy ka woh hi Ek dusra sa pyaar karte thy Kamal ki story thi aur Apne bohat hi ache tariqa sa isko likha
Maza Agya parh kar
WESA BHAI EK DOUBT HY KIYA YEH STORY CONTEST WORDING SA ZIYADA NI HO GAE
 
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