★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Fighter]

Gand ka showroom
Genre – adult dark situational comedy
by - chutiyadr

jesa story ka title or thim thi vesi hi story thi
vese mene pahli bar title name esa hone k bad usme erotic vesa na hona sath hi comedy or kuch emotion sb kuch , kuch alg hi tha mast story h

kuch baat sahi b kahi h log chij se jyada uski packing ko jyada importance dete h

 

[Fighter]

Papa ki Ghadi
by - Abhay

story sach m achi h suspens k sath story suru kr aatma tk lekar jana or usme family ka itna kamaal ka emotions super h

vese mene is story se kafi milti huyi south movie b dekhi or thoda ghoom or kuch change krk writer ne achi story likhi h

 

[The_InnoCent]

Review for Gand Ka Showroom
Writer: Chutiyadr

Hahaha jaisa ki maine pahle hi expect kiya tha wahi hua. Yaar aap nahi sudhrenge dr sahab. Khair koi baat nahi,,,,

Is kahani ka plot jaisa bhi tha zabardast hi tha..aakhir dr chutiya sahab ke dimaag ki upaj jo tha. Comedy ka tadka bahut hi behtareen tarike se lagaya gaya hai jo ki itna asaan nahi hota...magar dr chutiya to bas naam ke chutiya hain...jabki kaam aisa hota hai ki puchho hi mat,,,,

Is kahani ke sambandh me main bas yahi kahuga ki sab kuch bahut hi funny aur santulit tha. Khurafaati dimaag se nikli huyi ye ek bahut hi mazedaar kahani thi jise dr sahab ne apne tarike se likha. Ek alag hi duniya aur us duniya ke karta dharta dr chutiya jo us duniya me rahne walo ke liye bhagwan bane nazar aaye,,,,

 

[chintu222]

Amulya Tohfa
By: Milan2010

Year 5020...jaise hee ye padha toh lag gaya ki Technology se related koi Sci-Fi story hai
Sabse pehle bataya gaya hai ki aaj ke time mein yani 2050 mein..Earth ka temperature 65 degree ke bhi paar pahaunch gaya hai...aur Dome City hee ek maatr jagah bachi hai.
Aur iski vajah se Paani laghbhag khatam hee ho gaya hai iss Earth par ...ye ek aisi baat hai jo ki aane waale time mein hakikat bhi ho sakti hai...agar paani ka sahe dhang se istemaal nahi kara gaya toh.
Uske baad kaafi aisi inventions ke baare mein bataya gaya hai ki kaise log paani se hee Automobiles ko chalane lage...aur dhire dhire Paid Paudhon ko kaatte gaye.
Technology ke maamle mein bhale hee insaan kitni bhi tarraki kar le...lekin at the end sabse jaruri chej vahi hoti hai jo ki jivan ko zinda rakhne ke kaam aaye......yahan dikhaya gaya hai ki kaise log Paani ki Tablets ka istemal kar ke zinda hain...yahan tak ki natural oxygen bhi nahi hai...Writer saab ne bahaut door ki sochi hai...jo ki sach bhi ho sakti hai.

Dome city ke kuch log Deval, Sarthak, Aashi aur Rupal kaise iss samasya ka hal nikalte hain aur uss city ke kayi sau saalon se purane sapne ko yani ki...paani ko dekhne ka sapna..vahan bache kuch logon ke liye pura karte hain yahi kahani ke antim bhaag mein dikhaya gaya hai

Agar insan ke paas paani na ho...toh uski kya halat ho sakti hai...iss kahani ko padhkar aur uss baare mein soch kar hee rongte khade ho jaate hain....paani ke bina dharti fir se banjar ho jayegi jaise ki apne nirmaan ke time rahi hogi.
Aur isko hone se agar koi rok sakta hai toh vo hum hee hain...isliye writer saab ki kahani se sikhte hue hume paani jarur bachana chaiye ...varna kya hoga...uske liye Kahani ko fir se padh lijiye.

Ek bahut hee bhayank aane vaale sach ko writer saab bakhubi bayan kar paaye hain...iss kahani ko padhkar kaafi achha bhi laga aur darr bhi laga...thanks for writing this story Milan2010 bhai...and All the Best

 

[nain11ster]

AMULYA TOHFA By Milin2010

Drak truth ke theme par likhi gayi ye story, aaj ke samaj ka aaena hai jo aane wale vhawisya ko dikhata hai. Halanki, hum ek aise vishay par likhi gayi kahani par baat kar rahe hain jiske bhaw aap ko samjh aa gaye to best hai warna kahani ka 1 para padhna bhi muskil ho jata hai. Sab se pahle main dhanywad kahna chahunga lekhak mahoday ko jinhone is vishay ka chunaw kiya...

1) Writing skill:- Halanki main Milan urf milu ko lambe samay se janta hun, unki writing skill behad achi hai. Si-fi genera ke wo ek janemane writer hai. Lekin yadi baat kare is story ki, to inka writing skill average se bhi niche tha. Pata nahi kyon, milu bhai ne itni achi kahani likhne ke bawjoood editing, sentence arrangment aur spelling mistakes yahan tak ke charecters ke nam ke chunaw par bhi dhyan nahi diya... Kayi sare nam itne milte julte the ki thoda confusion create kar rahe the...

2) storyline:- storyline ke bare me sirf itna hi ki dil jit liya. Kahani ke surwat me hi un visham paristiyhiyon ke bare me bataya gaya hai, jise yadi aaj nahi control kiya gaya to future kya hone wala hai. Storyline ka strong hona sirf is bat se pata chalta hai ki, bhale hi writer sahab editing part me alsiya gaye ho.... Spelling mistake aur sentence aarangment me bahut gadbadi ki ho, lekin kabhi bhi aap is story ko chhod kar ja nahi sakte... Wo alag baat hai ki aap ki ruchi kabhi na rahi ho gambhir vishay padhne ki tab kuch nahi kiya ja sakta ...

Positive point:- strong storyline, clear massages, and complete focused story...

Weak points:- Writing errors, Spelling mistakes, confusing character names and finally aalsi writer (aalsi writer wala Mera personal point hai milu ke liye)

Points:- 7.5 out of 10 (2 for subject, 5 for storyline, 1.5 for presentation, -1 for editing and spelling mistakes)

 

[The_lost_love]

Story - AMULYA TOHFA
By Milan2010

Bhai sabse pahle title pe aate hai... Solid liya... Uske baad apne jo topic liya wo sabse solid sabse unique... Sab writers ne har tarah ke genre k baare me socha hoga lekin kisi ne ye nhi socha jo ap ne likha... ????? One of the master piece of work... Kadak story yaar bahut kadak... ?? Ab baat krte h story flow ki.. wo bhi superb tha.. past present future sbko ache se well timed placed kiya... Aur content to lajawab jiss tarah se aap ne likha h... Mindblowing... Pahle to ap ne dharti buri halat dikhayi... Uske baad ap ne dharti pahle swarg q thi uska reason bataya fir swarg jaisi dharti banne ka main karan Pani tha wo bataya... lekin pani kaise bana uska scientific explanation lajawab... aap jaise robo expert hi aisi kahani likh sakte... uske baad dharti ka destruction itne q hua wo b bataya... ?? Aur sath me emitions pe to apki pakad pahle se hi achchhi h.. wo bahut hi marmik tarike se likha... Uske alwa pani ko wapas dharti pe kaise laya jaa sakta wo idea b superb tha.. superb conpect superb execution... Aur wo sarthak ka marna b justify kiya story me... Full researched material story.. ???? classic writing skill with something new to read. Out of the box story... Literally water is AMULYA TOHFA
Ur story's message was loud and clear for the audience and also makes sense for the preservation and importance of water in future for our upcoming generations... ??

Thanks Milan2010 for giving us this marvelous story...

 

[Niks77kill]

Story- Amulya Tohfa
Writer- Milan2010

Bhai jab mene ju ko ye plot diya tha tab mene socha nahi tha ju isko aise justify kroge. Kya likha hai.. Shandar... Poori tarah se apna bana liya ju ne is plot ko..
Mene ye plot saalo pehle socha tha xp k USC m likhne k liye pr kbhi isko likh nhi paya kyuki samjh bi nhi aata tha kese isko justice du.. But aapne kiya.. Or kamal kiya..
Par proof-read krna bhul gye kya?? ??
Bahut sari grammatical and spelling mistakes rakhi h.. Par chuki plot achha hai?? mai unko ignore maar ke read kiya.. Story kahi bhi bore nhi krti.. Scientific stuff bhi jaha tk m janta hu aap kafi accurately use kiye.. Kudos to that..
Message bhi loud and clear h.. Aaj pani ki izzat karlo warna tumhari aane wali peediya tumhari izzat nahi krengi..

 

[Sweet_Sinner]

Gand ka showroom
Genre – adult dark situational comedy
by - chutiyadr


Dr. Chutiya ki ek aur jaandaar, shandaar aur gaandfadu comedy ke saath likhi gai kahani

Kahani mein kai aise mouke aate hai jaha aap apni hasi rok nahi pate hai.... Jaise

" asal me ye shakhs koi aur nahi balki gand marne ke behad hi soukin ,is desh ke sabse rahis aur duniya ke sabse rahisho me se ek tukesh chandaani ji the …"

Bahut hi badiya kahani likhi chutiyadr ne aur aasa kartu ki bhavish me bhi aisi kahani padne ko mile..

 

[The_InnoCent]

Review for ANMOL TOHFA
Writer: Milan2010

Milan bhai, Bahut hi khubsurat kahani likhi aapne. Kahani ka plot bahut hi zabardast tha. Aise subject ke bare me itni gahraayi se sochna aur future me hone wale uske prabhaav ka itne behtareen tarike se warnan karna yakinan kaabil e tareef hai,,,,

Kahani me pakad zabardast thi magar kahi kahi spelling mistake nazar aayi. Aisa laga jaise aapne post karne se pahle khud kahani ko nahi padha...agar padha hota to aapko spelling mistake yakinan nazar aati. Dusri baat main nain bhai se sahmat hu ki characters name me thodi confusion huyi. Baaki sab kuch bahut hi zabardast tha,,,,

Mere hisaab se milan bhai ki is kahani ko 08/10 marks milne chahiye,,,,,

 

[-:AARAV143:-]

Story :- परा विद्या
Writer :- nain11ster
Link :-

★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Entry Thread ★☆★

AMULYA TOHFA

xforum.live

nain ji aapki story ke to hum pehle hi khayal hai..
aur ab aapne short story bhi aisi likhi hai ki koi baat batane ki gunzaish
hi reh gayi hai.. :d
sahi kadiyon ko bahut hi achi tarah se pesh kiya hai..
story padhte waqt laga hi nahi ki ab story mein kuch kami reh gayi hai..
story mein samjane jaisa bahut kuch hai lekin mujhe to jyada sawal hi najar aaye.. :lol
jis ne upar upar se padha wo story bas acha bolenga
bas mujhe story mein kuch word bahut hi kathin lage jo specially mujhe padhne mein bahut alag lage
aur sach kahu to acha bhi laga ki koi writer in baton ko tawwaju bhi deta hai
ye to thi narration aur storyline ki batein ab aate hai story par
story bahut hi achi hai..specially character ki baat karu to mujhe sabhi ache lage
shobha ko chod kar..
waise nain ji aap harry potter ke fan ho kya
jo uske words chura liye
pehli jab half story read kiya to mujhe laga sandip hi alpsar honga lekin baadmein jo mithilesh ko alpsar dikhaya bahut acha laga
kyu humne jo socha wahi hota to story mein maza na ke barabar milta..
kalika ko shobha par hua us waqt aapne face expression kyu nahi likha hai..

sandip aur kalika ke ghar walon ka shadi ke mamle mein tu-tu main-main bahut acha hai..
aur jo us waqt dono romance kar rahe the sach kahu to paun ka bhi aisi hi kuch fantasy hai..


sobha aur mathur ek dusre ko jante hai kya ?
alpsar ne to sehri ilako mein humla nahi kiya tha to shobha ne humla kis buniyat par kiya ,
kya sobha ne iski chanbin na ki ?
alpsar aur sobha ko kyu ladwaya mithlesh ne ?
kalika ke pass kali devi ki panchbhut ki shakti hai to ye baat mithilesh ko pata na thi kya ?
mithlesh ke past ke barmein na bataya ?
sammohan mantr , shamy mantr aur disha ka use kaise hota hai aur wo kya kar sakta hai?

samaj sakta hu ki itne kam words aapke liye kam pad gaye hai
lekin mere kuch sawalo ke jawab dijiye nain ji

best of luck for contest ​

Rating :- 4.5/5 stars