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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

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Trinity

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Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.
 

manu@84

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Story- " अर्द्ध नारी "
Writer- Manu@84.


एक अलग ही कांसेप्ट की स्टोरी थी यह। ट्रांसजेंडर पुरुष या नारी की छबि समाज मे कोई अच्छी नही है लेकिन यह भी सच है कि जेंडर चेंज करना कोई अपराधिक कृत्य भी नही है। कई लोग को वैवाहिक बंधन मे भी बंधते सुना गया है और कुछेक संतान भी जनन कर चुके है।

एक अलग कांसेप्ट आपने चुना , इसके लिए बधाई आपको। कहानी भी बहुत बढ़िया लिखा है।
विशाल को दाद देनी पड़ेगी कि कृति की असलियत जानकर भी उसे अपनी पत्नी का दर्जा दिया।
और कृति के लिए अफसोस भी हुआ कि जब उसे किसी मर्द से शादी ही करनी थी तो फिर उसने अपना जेंडर क्यों चेंज किया !
या शायद यह भी हो सकता है कि वो जन्मजात ही अर्द्ध नारी थी। अगर ऐसा हुआ होगा तब उसके लिए हम सिर्फ सहानुभूति ही जतला सकते है।

इस कहानी की दूसरी रोचक बात थी , विशाल की बहन के साथ कृति का लेस्बियन रिलेशनशिप बनाना और कृति के बच्चे की मां भी बनना।
एक बार के लिए मै हैरान था कि यह कैसे संभव हो सकता है ! लेकिन बाद मे गूगल सर्च करने से पता चला कि यह सम्भव हो सकता है।

कहानी मे सेक्स सीन्स भी था लेकिन मुझे नही लगता है कि कोई आम इंसान एक ट्रांसजेंडर एवं एक नारी के दरम्यान हुए सेक्स से किसी तरह की उत्तेजना फील करेगा !

वैसे कहानी आप की अद्भुत थी । मुझे बहुत पसंद आया।
आभार शुक्रिया

आपके शब्दों की बारिश✍️ से कहानी (अर्ध नारी) पूर्ण हो गयी..... 🙏
 

Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- बड़ी देर कर दी..!
Writer :- pawankamdev123

Positive points :-
Maine ye story read krte hue bahut hi aaram se sare scenes ko imagine kar pa raha tha. Aisa lag raha tha jaise story mere aakho ke samne chl rahi ho. Sbse pehli baat mai kehna cahunga aapke story ki jo suruaat thi wo mujhe bahut hi jayad pasand aayi. Quki aise bich me kisi scene se story ko suru karne ka matlb hai ki aapne starting me hi apne story ka level high kar diya hai. Aur aage chal kar aapko ab ye aur jyada increas karna hoga. Jo ki jyadatar writers nahi kar pate hai. Story me ginti ke kirdar the. Lakin fir bhi aapne almost sbko bikul satik dilog diye. Sbka kaam bikul to the point laga.
Girja ke jariye aapne ek bahadur ladki ko dikhane ki kosis ki jisko aakhir me Sabbir jaise gunde ke aatank ka sikar hona pada. Aur Ravi ke roop me aapne is samaj ki sacchai sbke samne dikhayi hai. Kehne ko to sb badi badi bate karte hai lakin jab karne ki baate aati hai to 1000 me se sirf ginti ke log hi aapke liye khade hote najar aayenge.
Uske baad aapne dikhaya ki kaise Ravi dusre trike se Girja ko nyay dilane ki kosis karta hai lakin wo waha bhi asafal hota hai. Ab tarika koi bhi ho aapko kahi na kahi sir utha kar kehna to padega hi. Lakin Ravi se ye na ho saka. Kanoon bhi Sabbir jaise logo ka hi sath deta hai netao, paise aur aatank ke karan. Khair kehne ko to bahut kuch hai lakin samay ki kami ke karan yahi viram deta hu.


Negative points :-
Aapke story me mujhe bas 2 hi kami lagi.
1st Sabbir ke log aakhir Girja ke piche kyu pade the. Aapne iska khulasa hi nahi kiya.
2nd aapne utha ke le jane ke baad girja ka kuch sangharsh dikhaya hota to story apne top par pahuch jati.


Best dialogue :-
" अब आप क्या तमाशा देख रहे हैं..? आप मुझसे शादी करना चाहते थे, है ना..? थू है तुम्हारी मर्दानगी पर। "

Conclusion :- Aapne apne is ek story se hi samaj ke kai kamiyo ko dikhani ki ek safal kosis ki hai. Jyada na kehte hue Mai bas itna hi kahunga ki agar jo kamiya maine batayi hai wo na rehti to aapki story jarur 1st position par aati. Lakin abhi bhi mere liye aapki story winners ki race me jarur hai.
 

Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- MadhuMakkhi
Writer :- Kdry9

Positive points :-
Aapke kahani ka concept bahut acha laga mujhe. Sath me aapne story ko likha bhi bakhubi hai. Honey trapping ke upar likhi gayi ye story bikul real story ke tarah lagi. Sare kirdar apni apni jagah bikul fit baithe. Story read krte time hme sare emotions feel hue. Aur jab vikram ne bina soche smjhe ye sub kiya to ye raed karke bahut gussa aaya. Aakhir use thoda to sochna tha is bare me. Aur apni galiyon ki wajah se hi usne apne best Frnd vishmbhar, jaan se jyada pyari apni uniform sub kho diya. Story ka sex scene bhi thik thak laga. Story ki ending bhi achi thi.

Negative points :-
Phle to Aapke story me bahut sari spelling aur sentence mistake the. Aapke story ke starting ke 2 paragraph mujhe smjh me hi nahi aaye. Waha Aap kehna kya caah rahe the wo smjh me hi nahi aaya. Kahi kahi logic ki bhi kami lagi mujhe. Jaise sex ke time kamij ko aapne salwar bata diya aur salwar ko kamij. Fir ye bataiye Saziya ke pita ko heart attack real to aaya nahi hoga. To sare hospital wale kaise mile hue the ? Itne logo ko paise de kar ya dara kar sajish me milane ki baat hajam nahi hui. Aur aapne is story ka title ye kyu rakha ye baat mujhe smjh me nahi aayi. Quki aapki story ka isase bhi acha title ho skta tha.

Best dialogue :-
" family is alway their for you in your good or bad. "

Your Question Answer :-
To mere hisab se vikaram ne pyar kiya ye uski galti nahi hai. Aur na hi Saziya ki galti hai. Aakhir wo to apna kaam kar rahi thi. Use bas Vikram ko kisi tarah fasana tha. Yaha Vikarm ki galti ye thi ki usne Ek jimmedar officer hote hue bhi army ke secrets Saziya ko kyu bataye. Saziya ne jab usase in sub bare me jikr kiya use tabhi ye sub sochna cahiye tha. Quoi Honey trapp ki problem to ab aam baat ho gayi hai.

Conclusion :-
Ab story ki baat karu to aapki story to achi thi. Concept bhi naya tha. Story ko read krke emotions bhi jage. But sex scene ko thoda aur improve hota, nd jo kamiya hai use dur kar dete to aapki story winners ke race me jarur hoti.
Ummid karta hu aap aage ki apni story me is baat ka dhyan rakhengi. Aur aise hi mast story hmare samne pash krengi.
 

Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- An Adultery Story of Cancer Affected Husband's Wife
Writer :- Manali Bose

Positive points :-
Aapki story ka concept acha tha. Story ke hisab se kirdar bhi sahi lage. Khaskar Ravi ka kirdar mujhe kafi acha laga. Pure story me wo ek acha dost aur acha person sabit hua. Usne Aurn aur Monisha ko jab jab help ki jarurt padti, tab tab unki puri madad ki. Aur last me wo Monisha se sadi ko bhi raji ho gaya jo ki ek paise wala, single ladka sayad hi karta. Bhale hi Monisha beautiful thi, lakin Rabi ko koi bhi achi ladki mil sakti thi. Fir bhi usne apne Frnd ke kehne par Monisha nd pari ke liye usase sadi kar li. Aisa aaj ke time me bahut kam hi log karte hai. Sath me Arun bhi ek acha aur jimmedar lover tha jisne apne jite ji hi apni wife nd lover ki jindagi ko ek sahi disha de di.

Negative points :-
Aapke stpry me emotions ki bahut kami lagi mujhe. Aapne sabdo ke sath khilwad karte hue story nahi likhi. Warna story ka jo concept tha uske hisab se story me emotions ki bahrmaar honi cahiye thi. Uske baad aapne title me Adultery word use kiya hai. Jiske hisab se story me ek acha khasa sex scene banta tha. Aur wo aap Rabi aur Monisha ke 1st sex me kafi ache se show kr skte the.

Best dialogue :-
" but they still manage to run their small happy married family, as we all know when there is love, there is a will to be happy. "

Conclusion :- Kul mila kar agar story me emotions aa jate to ye ek achi story ban skti thi. Khair ummid karta hu aap aage jb bhi koi story likhengi to is baat ka dhyan rakhengi. Aur aise hi ache ache story read krne ka mauka hme dengi.
 

Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- बन्नो
Writer :- Lutgaya

Positive points :-
Story ka title padh kar hi kuch hint ho gaya tha ki story kya ho sakti hai. Lakin jo socha wo story ka 2nd part tha. Aapne story me jo bachpan ke scenes dikhaye wo bahut hi pyare aur dil ko chhu jane wale lage. Bachpan ki yade aisi hi hoti hai. Agr koi baat man me baith gyi to wo hmesa yaad rehta hai. Bachpan ka pyar bhi sbse alag hota hai. Sachha aur masoom. Yaha dono logo ko ek dusre se pyar tha. Lakin dono ek dusre ko ye baat bata hi nahi pa rahe the. Ya kabhi batane ki himmat hi nahi hui.
Aapke story me bahut si bate mujhe bahut achi lagi. Dono ka bina ek dusre ko kuch kahe ek dusre ko pyar karna. Pyar hote hue bhi ek dusre ke samne rahte hue bhi na dekh pana. Sehar se wapas aa kar ladke ka ladki ko dekhne ki kosis karna.
Uske baad story ka 2nd hisaa bhi kafi acha laga mujhe. Jis tarah se aapne gaaw ka parivesh aur aadikal mahul dikahya aur ye bhi ki ladki aaj bhi ladke ka wait kar rahi hai. Aur uske baad wo bhabhi aur hero ke bich ki bate wo to epic tha. Maja hi aa gaya.
Aur hero ka ye sub janane ke baad bhi bhagne ko ready na hona mujhe bahut acha laga. Quki wo padha likha ek smjhdar ladka tha wo janta tha agar wo abhi bhag gaye to uske baad kya kya hoga.


Negative points :-
Waise to aapne story me mujhe koi kami nahi lagi. Lakin fir bhi mujhe agar koi kami nikalni pade to mai kehna cahunga ki aapko kirdaron ke name jarur dene cahiye the. Quki story apne kirdar ke name se bhi yaad rakhi jati hai.
Isake alawa agar aapne story me ye bhi dikhaya hota ki bachpan se bade hone ke time ladki ka kya haal tha ladke ko dekh kar to aapki story ko 1st par aane se koi nahi rok skta tha.


Best dialogue :-
1. जो नासमझी में हो जाए वही प्यार है। सोच-समझ कर तो सौदा किया जाता है।
2. स्त्रियाँ अपने विफल प्यार के किस्से नहीं सुनाया करतीं।


Conclusion :-
Mujhe aapki story bahut hi achi lagi. Aapne is story me almost sari jaruri chijen dikhane ki kosis ki. Aur aapki story ki sbse best baat mujhe sabdo ka chunav laga. Aapne story likhte hue jo bhi word likhe wo aapki story ko next level par le jate hai. Agar yahi story koi aur likhta to mai Dave se keh skta hu kewal sabdo ke alag hone ke karan story me jo jaan aayi hai wo jaan nahi aati. Bachpan ka pyar such me aapne bikul sahi tarike se dikahya hai. Aur aapke story ke beast part bhabhi ki entry nd unke aur hero ke bich ka scene laga.
Mai aapki story ko winning story ke list me dekh kr bahut kush hunga.
 

Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- MAIN CUCKOULD BAN GYA PART 03
Writer :- afzalmuneer danial

Conclusion :-

Aapne story is site se copy ki hui hai. Ye story us site par 26/01/2022 ko post hui thi. To is story par review dene ka koi swal hi nahi hota hai.
 
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Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- sauda..
Writer :- rebellover

Positive points :- Story to aapki achi thi. Concept bhi thik thak tha. Story ki shuruaat nd mid bhag bhi sahi tha. Story me thrill and suspence bhi create hua tha. Sari chije apni jagah sahi lagi. Charo dosto ka kirdar bhi kafi sahi laga. Story ka narration bhi thik tha.

Negative points :- Story me Ek do jagah spellings mistakes thi. Fir sbse badi kami mujhe story ka ending laga. Aapne apni 1st story me bhi yahi galti ki thi. Waha bhi aapne last me suspence chor diya tha. Yaha bhi aapne wahi kiya, Saudha hua lakin kis chij ka Sauda ye baat smjh me nahi aayi. Agar Kirpal ne kud ka sauda kiya to ending me hme batana jarur tha cahiye tha aapko.

Best dialogue :- " kehte hain ki ham insaan kabhi na kabhi kisi na kisi ke sath sauda karte hi hain.. un sab me se kuchh saude hame fayda karwate hain to kuchh hamse hamara sab kuchh chhin lete hain.. "

Conclusion :- Aapke paas abhi kafi word count bacha hua tha. Jiske madad se aap apni 1st story se sikh le kar Is story ki ending ko sudhar sakte the. Aur sath hi me aapne agar story ke mid part ko aur increas karke story me thoda aur thrill nd suspence increase kar skte the. Isase aapki story next level par pahuch jati.

Kul mila kar mujhe aapki story avg. Lagi. Ummid karta hu aage next year jab aap story likhoge to in bato ka dhyan rakhoge.
 
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Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- KYA YE SHI THA YA GALAT
Writer :- mai baapu

Positive points :-
Aapne story ko ek disha dene ki jarur kosis ki. Jisme aapne Rohit, amit me jhgda fir Amit and uske papa ka mafi bhi mangna dikhya.

Negative points :-
Sbse phli baat bhai story ko sirf big latters me na likho. Aur sath me aapne font bhi maximum kar raha hai. Agar aap aise likho bhi to paragraph change krte hue space chorna cahiye tha. Quki jaisa aapne likha waise read krne me kafi problems ho rahi thi. Fir Ladki ka name phle Nisha tha baad me aapne use Anisha kar diya. Aapne story me bdsm use bhi kiya to chijo ko itna bhi ganda na kar do bhai ki use read krne ka man hi na kare. Aur fir kahani ke bare me kya hi bolu. Matlb Rohit ka man kiya to usne ja kar Amit ko mara. Uske baad ghar bhagte time Rohit ko Amit mil gaya. Fir Amit ka ye sub karna ye baat smjh me nahi aayi. Agar use starting me sex milta fir wo ye sub karta to ek baar ko smjha me bhi aata. Ek din Rohit ko uski maa ka phone mil gaya wo baat thik hai. Lakin aage kya use roj apni Maa ka phone milta tha ? Aur ye Anisha ka insta uske phone me kaise khula tha ? Aur aapne suru me kaha bahut sare kirdar hai. Lakin mujhe to dikhe nahi bahut se kirdar. Matlb kahani me koi Logic hi nahi hai.

Best dialogue :-
" DONO KONSE CHAKKI KA AATA KHATE HO RANDO ITNA BDA LUND H. "

Conclusion :-
Mujhe is story se achi to aapki 1st story lagi thi. Jisme sex ke name par kuch dekhne ko to tha. Lakin is story me to kuch tha hi nahi read krne ko.
Ummid karta hu next year aap aur ache se shoch aur smjha kr in galtiyo se sikh lete hue achi story ke sath yaha aayenge.
 
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Lutgaya

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Story :- बन्नो
Writer :- Lutgaya

Positive points :- Story ka title padh kar hi kuch hint ho gaya tha ki story kya ho sakti hai. Lakin jo socha wo story ka 2nd part tha. Aapne story me jo bachpan ke scenes dikhaye wo bahut hi pyare aur dil ko chhu jane wale lage. Bachpan ki yade aisi hi hoti hai. Agr koi baat man me baith gyi to wo hmesa yaad rehta hai. Bachpan ka pyar bhi sbse alag hota hai. Sachha aur masoom. Yaha dono logo ko ek dusre se pyar tha. Lakin dono ek dusre ko ye baat bata hi nahi pa rahe the. Ya kabhi batane ki himmat hi nahi hui.
Aapke story me bahut si bate mujhe bahut achi lagi. Dono ka bina ek dusre ko kuch kahe ek dusre ko pyar karna. Pyar hote hue bhi ek dusre ke samne rahte hue bhi na dekh pana. Sehar se wapas aa kar ladke ka ladki ko dekhne ki kosis karna.
Uske baad story ka 2nd hisaa bhi kafi acha laga mujhe. Jis tarah se aapne gaaw ka parivesh aur aadikal mahul dikahya aur ye bhi ki ladki aaj bhi ladke ka wait kar rahi hai. Aur uske baad wo bhabhi aur hero ke bich ki bate wo to epic tha. Maja hi aa gaya.
Aur hero ka ye sub janane ke baad bhi bhagne ko ready na hona mujhe bahut acha laga. Quki wo padha likha ek smjhdar ladka tha wo janta tha agar wo abhi bhag gaye to uske baad kya kya hoga.


Negative points :- Waise to aapne story me mujhe koi kami nahi lagi. Lakin fir bhi mujhe agar koi kami nikalni pade to mai kehna cahunga ki aapko kirdaron ke name jarur dene cahiye the. Quki story apne kirdar ke name se bhi yaad rakhi jati hai.
Isake alawa agar aapne story me ye bhi dikhaya hota ki bachpan se bade hone ke time ladki ka kya haal tha ladke ko dekh kar to aapki story ko 1st par aane se koi nahi rok skta tha.


Best dialogue :- 1. जो नासमझी में हो जाए वही प्यार है। सोच-समझ कर तो सौदा किया जाता है।
2. स्त्रियाँ अपने विफल प्यार के किस्से नहीं सुनाया करतीं।

Conclusion :- Mujhe aapki story bahut hi achi lagi. Aapne is story me almost sari jaruri chijen dikhane ki kosis ki. Aur aapki story ki sbse best baat mujhe sabdo ka chunav laga. Aapne story likhte hue jo bhi word likhe wo aapki story ko next level par le jate hai. Agar yahi story koi aur likhta to mai Dave se keh skta hu kewal sabdo ke alag hone ke karan story me jo jaan aayi hai wo jaan nahi aati. Bachpan ka pyar such me aapne bikul sahi tarike se dikahya hai. Aur aapke story ke beast part bhabhi ki entry nd unke aur hero ke bich ka scene laga.
Mai aapki story ko winning story ke list me dekh kr bahut kush hunga.
वाह मेरे दोस्त आप की प्रशंसा के लिए धन्यवाद ।
आपने जो कहा वो सत्य हो , ऐसी कामना है।
एक बात और कहुंगा कि कहानी प्रथम आए या ना आए परन्तु आपको best reader award अवश्य मिलना चाहिए । जो आपने कहानी की खासियत के साथ कमी भी आपने लिखी वो सबसे बड़ी बात है। पुनः धन्यवाद आपको।
 

Itachi_Uchiha

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Story :- Cruel Love
Writer :- Niks77kill

Positive points :-
Bahut hi achi story thi. Concept bhi acha tha. Story ka narration bhi lajwaab tha. Story me ginti ke kirdar the. Aur sare kirdar apne jagah bikul sahi lage. Aapne apne story ke through hme jo bhi dikhana caha usme aap safal rahe. Is story me hame Ritu ka niswarth pyar, samarpan, aur itne saal intejar karne ki prabal saki dikhi. Usne ek dost ki tarah hi nikunj ke liye jo bhi ho saka apne taraf se wo sub kiya. Ek maa ka farj bhi usne bahut hi ache se nibhaya. Ritu ke maa ka bhi sadi na hone par fikar karna banta hai. Aakhir kon Rape hui ladki se sadi karna chahega. Aise ginti ke hi ladke honge jo haa kar sake. Nikunj bhi apne kirdar me bikul sahi laga. Lakin uska Pooja se hue ektarfa pyar ke liye itne saal Ritu ko najarandaz karna mujhe bilkul acha nahi laga.
But yahi to chij thi jo aap hum sabhi readers ko feel karwane cahte the. Aur aap isme bilkul safal rahe. Fir story ke mid me jo aapne pooja wala twist dala wo bhi bahut acha laga mujhe. Aur story ki ending to epic rahi. Sari chije apni jagah bikul sahi lagi.


Negative points :-
Waise to mujhe aapki story me koi kami nahi lagi.
But agar mujhe kuch kehna hi pade to mai aapke story me Ritu ko Nikunj ke bimar hone par ya aisi hi kisi situation ka jikar karte hue uski din raat seva karte hue 1-2 incidents aur dikhate to aur maja aa jata.


Best dialogue :-
" Aap janti hai na.. shadi ke baad bhi aap meri patni nahi ban payngi??"
"Ha.. par dost to ban sakti hu na?? "


Conclusion :-
Aapne apne story ke jariye ye dikha hi diya ki agar pyar Sacha ho to wo aapko ek na ek din milta jarur hai. Bas aapko puri siddat ke sath uska intejar karna hota hai.
Jyada na likhte hue Mai bas itna hi kehna cahunga ki mai aapki story ko winning story ki list me dekh kr mujhe bahut khushi hogi.
 
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