★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Trinity]

Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- कस्तूरी
Writer :- Boobsingh

Positive points :- Aapne ek bhut hi common subject par story likha. Lakin aapke likhne ka tarika aur story narration kamal ki rahi. Aapki story starting me to Gangubai ki hi kahani lagi mujhe. Lakin ending me aapne sub change kar diya. Aur mujhe aapki story ki sbse khaas baat jo lagi wo tha dilogs. Aapke story me bahut se dilog samaj ko Aina dikahane wale, bikul sacche aur kamal ke. Agar in dilogs ko hata de to aapki story me kuch khaas nahi reh jata hai. Lakin mere hisab se in dinogs ne aapki story ko USC ke best story's me se ek bana diya hai. Sath hi me aapke story ki jo ending thi wo to ummid se bhi pare thi, bilkul jabardast. Aisa lag raha tha ki Satish, kasturi ko dhokha dega. Lakin uske baad kasturi ne end me jo kiya wo to bikul soch se pare tha.
Story me ginti ke kirdar the. Lakin sare kirdar apne jagah bikul sahi lage. Farzana begam ka bhi kirdar aapne acha dikhaya jo ki mujhe acha laga. Quki aise kirdar ache nahi hote hai.

Negative points :- Aapki story me kai jagah word mistake the. Aur starting me aapne kasturi ko sigret pite hue dikhya tha. Jbki satish ke puchne par wo mana kr deti hai. Yahi do kamiya mujhe aapke story me lagi.

Best dialogue :- Is story me mujhe kai dilog bahut ache lage. To mai kisi ek dilog ko best na likh kar un sub ko yaha likh raha hu.
1. " इस मंडी के दो पहलू है.....दिन मे तन ढकने को एक से एक कपड़े बिकते थे और शाम होते ही उसी तन की नुमाईश लगती थी....... "
2. " जो काम हम करते है ना उसमें ये नाम वाम जानने की जरुरत नहीं बस आओ पैसा फेंको अपना काम बजाओ और फूल टू फटाक.... "
3. " साला दो कश मोहब्बत के क्या लिए पूरी जिंदगी ही धुआ धुआ हो गई "
4. " तेरे जैसे लोगो के लिए हमारी जैसी लड़किया सिर्फ एक रात की पत्नी होती है पर दिन में तो तुम लोग हमे पहचानने से भी कन्नी काटते फिरोगे "
5. " तलवार कितनी भी खूबसूरत क्यू ना हो मांगती तो आखिर खून ही है ना..... "

Conclusion :- Ek common subject hote hue bhi aapne dilog ke dam par apne story ko ek alg hi level pr phucha diya hai. Kul mila kar aapki story mujhe bahut hi jyada achi lagi. Ummid karta hu aapki story winners ke list me jarur samil ho.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Main Cuckold ban gaya Part 04
Writer :- afzalmuneer danial

Conclusion :-

Aapne apni 1st story ki tarah is story ko bhi yaha se copy kiya hai. Jo ki us site par 30/01/2022 ko post hui thi.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- MAUT -- Pyar ya Nafrat
Writer :- monkey D. Luffy

Positive points :- Aapki story me riya ka pain aur us ladke ke liye uska pyar dono bahut ache se feel ho raha tha. Sath hi me wo boy uska sbse bada dusman bhi tha, Ye bhi hme pata chli. Aur jaisa ki kehte hai na kisi ke mar jane ke baad hi uski value ka pata chalta hai yaha bhi wahi hui. Bhale hi wo us nakabposh ko pyar karti thi. Lakin wo dusmani ke karan ye baat kabhi accept na karti. Us boy se aam janta bahut pyar karti thi ye baat bhi hme saaf pata chli. Jaise wo unka hero tha.

Negative points :- Lakin fir bhi monkey D. Luffy bhai aapne aapki is story me sirf ek hi scene dilkhaya. Jaise ye kisi story ke ending ka update ho. Aapke story me mainly information ki kafi kami thi. Like boy kon tha nd uska name ? Boy mara kaise ? dono sath kyu rahte the ? Story ka prefix kya tha agar fantacy tha to dono ke paas kon kon se power the ? Wo aaye kaha se ? Ladke ki death kaise hui ? Aur bhi bahut sare details ki kami thi. Jiske karan aapki story ka jo level hona cahiye tha. Wo us level tak nahi pahunch paya.

Best dialogue :- " Maut unhe mehsoos nahi hoti jo mar chuke hai, maut unhe mehsoos hoti hai jo us marey huye insaan ko pyar karte hai. "

Conclusion :- Sirf Details ki kami ki wajah se aapki story next level ki nahi ban payi warna isme jitne ki puri kabiliyat thi. Quki aapne jitna kuch dikhaya wo mujjhe bahut ache se feel hua. Aapke paas word count bhi kafi bache honge aap unka use karke kaam layak details aaram se de skte the.
Mujhe aapse bhut jyada ummide thi, jo ki is story se puri hoti hui nahi dikh rahi hai. Ummid karta hu ki aapki 2nd story me mai jo dekhna chahata hu wo dekhne ko mil jaye mujhe.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Ek panth 2 kaaj
Writer :- Rajizexy

Positive points :- Sbse phli baat aapki story, phli aisi story mili mujhe jisme photo bhi add kiya gaya tha. Jo ki story ko visualize karne me bahut help karta hai. Suhani aur Saroj ke bich ki understanding mujhe bahut achi lagi. Wo apne bahut ko bahi nahi balki ek Frnd manti hai. Aur jitni ho sake uski help krti hai. Story ka concept acha tha. Aapne jo sex se releted issue ko dikhate hue bate batayi hai. Unhe read krne se readers logo ko such me kafi kuch naya aur knowledgeable janane ko milega, Jo ki aapki story ki sbse achi baat hai. Sex scenes ko bhi aapne khubsurat tarike se dikhaya hai. Use ekdam se start nahi kar diya. Dhire dhire ek ek step ko paar karne ke baad aapne end me sex ko dikhaya jo ki bilkul sahi laga. Almost sub chije to the point thi. Sath me aapne apni story se ye chij bhi badi aasani se dikha diya ki male log apni kamiyo ko accept hi nahi karte hai. Unke hisab se female me hi hmesa kami hoti hai. Jo ki such me ek bahut big issue hai.

Negative points :- Foreplay ko thoda sa kam karke wahi chij aap sex me add kar deti to story me char chand lag jate. Bas mujhe sex ka main time km laga aapke story me. Usi se thodi nirasha hui. Quki jab foreplay ko aapne itne ache se dikhaya to jahir si baat hai ki main sex ko bhi aap bahut khubsurati se dikkhane ki kabiliyat rakhti hai. Aur mujhe ye laga ki sex kuch jldi hi ho gaya. Agar thode din ka gap dikha kar aur bate hone ke baad hota to jyada acha lagta.

Best dialogue :- " dear kulfi to ladies suck karti hain ,mard to ice cream chat te hain agar tum chatwaogi to. "

Conclusion :- Aapki story Knowledgeable hone ke sath sath bahut hi manoranjak lagi mujhe. Aapki story suru se le kar ant tak apne Tital ke sarthak karti hui dikhi. Sath me aapne apni is story ke jariye ye bhi massage diya ki hamesa female hi glt nahi hoti hai. Kamiya male me bhi ho sakti hai. Jo wo kabhi accept nahi karte hai. Aapki story USC ki avg. Story's se to ek level upar hai. Lakin isme winning story wali baat nahi lagi mujhe.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- चालबाज़
=======
Writer :- Ashokafun30

Positive points :- Apne ek achi story hmare samne pesh ki. Story ka concept koi naya nahi tha. Lakin story ka narration bahut acha tha. Aapne is story ke jariye kai bate batane, dikhane ki kosis ki. Jaise her ek sher ke liye koi na koi sawa sher jarur hota hai. Sath hi me aapne hmare samaj ki mardo ki ek bahut badi kami ko safaltapurvak dikhaya, ki aise to kisi garib ya jaruratmand ke liye paise jeb se nahi niklenge. Lakin thrak ke name par unke jeb se aap lakho rupee niklwa skte hai. Rohit apne tharak me hi andha ho gaya tha jo usne bina soche smjhe 30k rupee Riya ko de diye, wo bhi sirf 30min ki meeting me. Story ke tino kirdar mujhe apni jagah bikul sahi lage.

Negative points :- Mujhe aapki story me ek chij sahi nahi lagi. Aur wo ye hai ki aapne dikhaya ki Rizwan use sone ko keh raha tha. Jiske liye Riya mana kar rahi thi. Jabki usne itne month tak use rehne diye and all. But Jab Rohit use mila to wo bas 30 min me hi use kiss kar baithi. And uske sath indirectly sone ko bhi ready ho gayi. Yaha mujhe story halki kamjor lagi. Agar aap yaha ye dikhate ki Rohit ne tab help ki. Uske baad wo kuch din mile fir Rohit aur Riya ke bich kuch hota to mujhe story jyada realistic aur jyada impactful lagti. Aur aapke paas kafi word count bache the jinme aap aaram se ye dikha sakte the.

Best dialogue :- " और अभी उसके घर के बाहर लाइन में ही तो खड़ा था
मज़े तो वो ले रहा था अंदर
जिसे मैं एक कमसिन और मजबूर लड़की समझा वो तो चालबाज़ निकली, मुझसे भी बड़ी चालबाज़ निकली "

Conclusion :- Aapki story samaj ko aaina dikhane wali ek achi story hai. Jisme mard achi wife nd bache hote hue bhi bahar muh marta hai ye dikhaya gaya hai. Lakin apni isi hosiyaar me ek din uska cutiya kat jata hai.
Khair overall aapki story mujhe Agv. Story se to ek level upar lagi. Lakin isme wo baat nahi lagi mujhe jo winners list me samil ho sake. Hope karta hu aapki aage ke story me mai jo dundh raha hu mujhe wo mil jaye.

 

[Ankitarani]

Yaadein.....
By SANJU ( V. R. )

Wowww...bahut hi khubsurat story thi... I know ao jada story likhte nhi pr jo b likhte ho kmaal likhte ho...
Ye story bht hi jada bhavnatmak thi..
Ek college life ki love story..jinme bahut hi jada pyar tha,kuch fmly problms ki vjh se unki shadi nhi ho payi...
Wese to fmly walo bachho k lie achha hi sochte hai(ek adh mamlo ko chhodkr)..
Itne salo bad wapas usi pyar se milna...woww...what a feeling...hm sbki life me aisa purana pyar hota hi hai...
Sbse best part ,jb wo uske seene pr sr rkhkr sori rahti h...use bs schha pyar krne wala hi feel kr skta h...
Past me wo mr gya...very sad...bht achhi story thi snju ji .. dil ko chhu gyi...

 

[Boobsingh]

Story :- कस्तूरी
Writer :- Boobsingh

Positive points :- Aapne ek bhut hi common subject par story likha. Lakin aapke likhne ka tarika aur story narration kamal ki rahi. Aapki story starting me to Gangubai ki hi kahani lagi mujhe. Lakin ending me aapne sub change kar diya. Aur mujhe aapki story ki sbse khaas baat jo lagi wo tha dilogs. Aapke story me bahut se dilog samaj ko Aina dikahane wale, bikul sacche aur kamal ke. Agar in dilogs ko hata de to aapki story me kuch khaas nahi reh jata hai. Lakin mere hisab se in dinogs ne aapki story ko USC ke best story's me se ek bana diya hai. Sath hi me aapke story ki jo ending thi wo to ummid se bhi pare thi, bilkul jabardast. Aisa lag raha tha ki Satish, kasturi ko dhokha dega. Lakin uske baad kasturi ne end me jo kiya wo to bikul soch se pare tha.
Story me ginti ke kirdar the. Lakin sare kirdar apne jagah bikul sahi lage. Farzana begam ka bhi kirdar aapne acha dikhaya jo ki mujhe acha laga. Quki aise kirdar ache nahi hote hai.

Negative points :- Aapki story me kai jagah word mistake the. Aur starting me aapne kasturi ko sigret pite hue dikhya tha. Jbki satish ke puchne par wo mana kr deti hai. Yahi do kamiya mujhe aapke story me lagi.

Best dialogue :- Is story me mujhe kai dilog bahut ache lage. To mai kisi ek dilog ko best na likh kar un sub ko yaha likh raha hu.
1. " इस मंडी के दो पहलू है.....दिन मे तन ढकने को एक से एक कपड़े बिकते थे और शाम होते ही उसी तन की नुमाईश लगती थी....... "
2. " जो काम हम करते है ना उसमें ये नाम वाम जानने की जरुरत नहीं बस आओ पैसा फेंको अपना काम बजाओ और फूल टू फटाक.... "
3. " साला दो कश मोहब्बत के क्या लिए पूरी जिंदगी ही धुआ धुआ हो गई "
4. " तेरे जैसे लोगो के लिए हमारी जैसी लड़किया सिर्फ एक रात की पत्नी होती है पर दिन में तो तुम लोग हमे पहचानने से भी कन्नी काटते फिरोगे "
5. " तलवार कितनी भी खूबसूरत क्यू ना हो मांगती तो आखिर खून ही है ना..... "

Conclusion :- Ek common subject hote hue bhi aapne dilog ke dam par apne story ko ek alg hi level pr phucha diya hai. Kul mila kar aapki story mujhe bahut hi jyada achi lagi. Ummid karta hu aapki story winners ke list me jarur samil ho.

जान कर बहुत खुशी हुई की आपको मेरी कहानी पसंद आई.....
देवनागरी में टाइपिंग करने में कई बार कुछ मात्रा और हलंत छूट जाते है जिससे शब्द गलत हो जाते है मेरे....कहानी की पटकथा को सोचते हुए उसे टाइप करने के चक्कर में ये होता है....गलती भूल चूक के लिए माफी चाहेंगे

शुरुवात में कस्तूरी सिगरेट पीते हुए बताया था मैने पर सतीश के सामने उसके मना करने का अलग कारण था....लड़की हर किसी के सामने सिगरेट शराब नही पीती....और सतीश उसका ग्राहक था ना की उसका कोई दोस्त इसलिए वो मना की थी.....

आपके प्रोत्साहन के लिए दिल से बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- बात एक रात की
----------------
Writer :- Kala Nag

Positive points :- Story ka concept to common hi tha. Lakin aapne jis tarah se ise likh kr hum logo ke samne pesh kiya wo mujhe bahut acha laga. Aapki is story me kai sare emotions dekhne ko mile. Sath me story ke sare kirdar mujhe apni jagah bikul perfect lage. Specially pandu ka kirdar mujhe bahut hi majedar laga. Uske jariye aapne is story me ek comedy ka halka sa tadka bhi laga diya. Story suru se le kar ant tak bahut hi achi lagi. Aur jo aapne Ushakant aur Saba ka past dikahya wo bikul sahi time par aur bilkul nape tule sabdo me dikhaya. Na kuch jyada laga na kam. Aarati ki bhi entry aapne bikul time par aur bilkul filmi style me karwayi. Fir end me jaha hum sub Ushakant ko bahut hi Bahadur, aur acha insaan smjh rahe the. Lakin aapne uska past nd uski aaj ki planing dikha kar is story me ek alg hi twist la diya. Uske karan hum log ek baar fir se Ushakant ke kirdar ke bare me sochne par majboor ho gaye. Aur ending me saba ka train me phle se baithe rahna to padh kar maja hi aa gaya. Aakhir aapne happy ending jo karwa di.
Aapki is story ke jariye aapne 2 logo ki jindgi dikhane ki kosis ki. Jisme dono logo ke life me almost same situation aayi. Lakin Saba jaha aaj tak bahaduri se un sb ka samna karte hue dikhayi gayi. Wahi Ushakant hme hmesa muskilo se dur bhagata hua dikhayi diya. Lakin galti se hi sahi aakhir me usme apne lalach ke chakkar me hi apne jindgi ka sbse bada sabk sikh liya. Jisase uski puri jindgi badal gayi.

Negative points :- Phle to aapne likha ki Ushakant ne Apne phone ki recording on kar ke apne bare me kehne laga. Lakin fir ye latter kaha se aa gaya ?
मुझे नहीं दिख रहा था l recoding se phle aapne ye likha hua hai. Lakin Ushakant ko kya nahi dikha ye baat missing thi. Mujhe aapke story me yahi 2 kamiya dikhayi di.

Best dialogue :- " हाँ मैं रोज हजार दो हजार के लिए अपनी कपड़े उतारती हूँ... नंगी हो जाती हूँ... तुम अपना बताओ... तुम तो वर्दी पहने हुए हो... तो तुम क्यों हजार दो हजार के लिए... रोज अपनी वर्दी की इज़्ज़त उतार रहे हो.... "

Conclusion :- Mujhe aapki story to bahut hi jyada achi lagi. Mai ise winners ki list me jarur dekhna pasand karta. But aapne jo galtiya ki unke rehte mujhe nahi lagta ye story winners ke list me hogi.
Ummid karta hu aage se aap apni kahani post karne se phle ek baar use jarur read krenge, taki aisi choti lakin impactful galti dubara na ho.

 

[Kdry9]

Story :- MadhuMakkhi
Writer :- Kdry9

Positive points :- Aapke kahani ka concept bahut acha laga mujhe. Sath me aapne story ko likha bhi bakhubi hai. Honey trapping ke upar likhi gayi ye story bikul real story ke tarah lagi. Sare kirdar apni apni jagah bikul fit baithe. Story read krte time hme sare emotions feel hue. Aur jab vikram ne bina soche smjhe ye sub kiya to ye raed karke bahut gussa aaya. Aakhir use thoda to sochna tha is bare me. Aur apni galiyon ki wajah se hi usne apne best Frnd vishmbhar, jaan se jyada pyari apni uniform sub kho diya. Story ka sex scene bhi thik thak laga. Story ki ending bhi achi thi.

Negative points :- Phle to Aapke story me bahut sari spelling aur sentence mistake the. Aapke story ke starting ke 2 paragraph mujhe smjh me hi nahi aaye. Waha Aap kehna kya caah rahe the wo smjh me hi nahi aaya. Kahi kahi logic ki bhi kami lagi mujhe. Jaise sex ke time kamij ko aapne salwar bata diya aur salwar ko kamij. Fir ye bataiye Saziya ke pita ko heart attack real to aaya nahi hoga. To sare hospital wale kaise mile hue the ? Itne logo ko paise de kar ya dara kar sajish me milane ki baat hajam nahi hui. Aur aapne is story ka title ye kyu rakha ye baat mujhe smjh me nahi aayi. Quki aapki story ka isase bhi acha title ho skta tha.

Best dialogue :- " family is alway their for you in your good or bad. "

Your Question Answer :- To mere hisab se vikaram ne pyar kiya ye uski galti nahi hai. Aur na hi Saziya ki galti hai. Aakhir wo to apna kaam kar rahi thi. Use bas Vikram ko kisi tarah fasana tha. Yaha Vikarm ki galti ye thi ki usne Ek jimmedar officer hote hue bhi army ke secrets Saziya ko kyu bataye. Saziya ne jab usase in sub bare me jikr kiya use tabhi ye sub sochna cahiye tha. Quoi Honey trapp ki problem to ab aam baat ho gayi hai.

Conclusion :- Ab story ki baat karu to aapki story to achi thi. Concept bhi naya tha. Story ko read krke emotions bhi jage. But sex scene ko thoda aur improve hota, nd jo kamiya hai use dur kar dete to aapki story winners ke race me jarur hoti.
Ummid karta hu aap aage ki apni story me is baat ka dhyan rakhengi. Aur aise hi mast story hmare samne pash krengi.

Thank you so much , aapka ye detailed review padhke bahut achha laga aur aapne jojo bate batayi hai wo me jarur apni aagli kahani me improve karne ki koshish krungi.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- GAUTAM
Writer :- Jai_09

Positive points :- Aapki story ka concept bikul naya tha. Aur kafi acha bhi tha. Aapne apne is story ke upar kafi mehant bhi ki hai. Jo ki saaf pata chal raha hai. Story ki shuruaat bhi kafi achi thi. Sex scene bhi almost sahi the. Aur wo kamuk bhi lage. Fir aapki story ko read krte hue mujhe Ranveer Kapoor ke ROY movie ki yaad aa gayi. Waha bhi kuch kuch Arjun Rampal Gautam ke jaisa hi present ki situation ke hisab se story ko likhta hai. Aur yaha bhi aapki story me award function me Jab Gautam jata hai to Reporter akash ko dekh ke wo apni Maa ke sath ek story soch leta hai. Jisme aapne kai Sare twist dalne ki kosis karte hue ye story hmare samne pesh kiya.

Negative points :- Gautam main kirdar tha aur uske hi dimak ki upaj thi isiliye aapne ye title rakha ho. Lakin mere hisab se story ka title isase bhi acha kuch aur ho skta tha. Fir aapne apne story me itne twist daal diye hai ki hum usase end tak nikal hi nahi paye. Fir story kab ek scene se nikal kar dusre scene me chli ja rahi thi kuch smjha me hi nahi aa raha tha. Ek do jagah aisa laga ki sex jabardasti ghusaya gaya hai.

Best dialogue :- " Bahot maze kar liye akele tum dono ne aur bahot hila liya maine. Ab mujhe bhi chahiye. "

Conclusion :- Aapne mehnat to ki hai is story me. But ROY movie ki hi tarah aap is story ko jis roop me pesh karna cahte the sayad us tarah se pash nahi kar paye. Jisake karan ek bahut hi achi story avg. Story ban kar reh gayi. Mujhe aapse kafi ummide hai quki aapki is story se hi pata chal raha hai ki aapke ander likhne ki kabiliyat hai.
Ummid karta hu ki aap apni agli story me in bato ka dhyan rakhenge.