★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2023 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Trinity]

Last date for posting reviews for the award of best reader is also increased, now you can post your reviews to feature in the best reader award till 15 th March 2023 11:59 Pm.You can also post your reviews After that deadline but they won't be counted for the best readers award. So Cheers.

 

[avsji]

Story - Nishabda
Writer - avsji

Bahut hi acchi story. Koi bekaar ka character nahi koi bewajah ki addition nahi. Jo bhi tha maap tol ke tha.

Aajkal kisi ka guzara 350 me nahi hota chahe woh jhuggi me rahe. Aur yeh to city ka drishya hain. Phir bhi woh gaun ho jaati hain kyuki story bahot acchi hain.

Bhookchuk maaf. Dhanyawaad

बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद मित्र! कहानी पसंद आई आपको, बहुत अच्छा लगा जान कर।

 

[11 ster fan]

Bematlab
Sanki Rajput
Kya story hai ..lajabab, fabulous, fadu jhakash ....
Ekdam South movie ki story thi ...jisme hero kisi ko Marta hai to pata chalata hai ki flashback me ek kahani thi dukh bhari...
Aur haa jis laundo ko janana hai ki Nikita kaun hai unn laundo ke Gand par goli Maro taki wo bhi upar jakar flashback ki kahani Jaan sake ...abe Nikita ki kahani bematlab part 2 me janane ko milegi...
Kya hi gaanv ka scene dikhaya tha tumne , wahi sham ko cricket aur 22 player se jayada hone par ek team me 15 bande ye har ganv ki kahani hai....aur dost ho to aaris jaisa Bhai to sidha ganv me ghus Gaya dost ko bachane ...dost wahi hota hai jo ye nhi dekhata ki tum sahi ya galat bas samane wale se tumhare liye bhid jata hai ...mujhe to ek pal ko laga ki ye haripal aur Vivek chutiya jayenge udhar kothi me maar dhad karne aur idhar aaris haripal ke chhoti beti ka baja bajata ...
Le haripal - meti kismat hi gandu hai bc , ek beti ko bachao dusari chud jati hai , dusari bachao to pahali
I want part 2 ,3,4 and more....
Waise sale dost aise hi hote hai jayenge apni maal pelane aur pakade Jane par kahenge ki bacha le...
Recently Mera ek dost apne maal ke sath hotel gaya ,aur mujhe bola ki Mai market gaya hu book lene....police ne pakad liya usse hotal me wo bc call karke bolta hai ki yaar bacha le mujhe , Mera ek dost sub inspector hai patana me usko bola to wo phone karke bacha liya ..nhi to parents aake dono ki Gand Tod dete....so Mai samajh sakta hu ki dost hote hi bhadawe hai.... Aur part 2 jald La, uske liye Jo peena hai wo pee le part 2 la...mujhe haripal ki chhoti beti ko dekhana hai , kaise dekhana hai tujhe achchhe se pata hai

 

[Sanki Rajput]

Bematlab
Sanki Rajput
Kya story hai ..lajabab, fabulous, fadu jhakash ....
Ekdam South movie ki story thi ...jisme hero kisi ko Marta hai to pata chalata hai ki flashback me ek kahani thi dukh bhari...
Aur haa jis laundo ko janana hai ki Nikita kaun hai unn laundo ke Gand par goli Maro taki wo bhi upar jakar flashback ki kahani Jaan sake ...abe Nikita ki kahani bematlab part 2 me janane ko milegi...
Kya hi gaanv ka scene dikhaya tha tumne , wahi sham ko cricket aur 22 player se jayada hone par ek team me 15 bande ye har ganv ki kahani hai....aur dost ho to aaris jaisa Bhai to sidha ganv me ghus Gaya dost ko bachane ...dost wahi hota hai jo ye nhi dekhata ki tum sahi ya galat bas samane wale se tumhare liye bhid jata hai ...mujhe to ek pal ko laga ki ye haripal aur Vivek chutiya jayenge udhar kothi me maar dhad karne aur idhar aaris haripal ke chhoti beti ka baja bajata ...
Le haripal - meti kismat hi gandu hai bc , ek beti ko bachao dusari chud jati hai , dusari bachao to pahali
I want part 2 ,3,4 and more....
Waise sale dost aise hi hote hai jayenge apni maal pelane aur pakade Jane par kahenge ki bacha le...
Recently Mera ek dost apne maal ke sath hotel gaya ,aur mujhe bola ki Mai market gaya hu book lene....police ne pakad liya usse hotal me wo bc call karke bolta hai ki yaar bacha le mujhe , Mera ek dost sub inspector hai patana me usko bola to wo phone karke bacha liya ..nhi to parents aake dono ki Gand Tod dete....so Mai samajh sakta hu ki dost hote hi bhadawe hai.... Aur part 2 jald La, uske liye Jo peena hai wo pee le part 2 la...mujhe haripal ki chhoti beti ko dekhana hai , kaise dekhana hai tujhe achchhe se pata hai

tu hi mera bhai hai mere Bhavna ko smjh gaya aaja mere bhai gale lag ja .Ab to lana hi padega bole to teko ghusa de kya apan story me agla part bhayankar nashe me likhunga . Aur asli dosti yahi to hai be kahi bhi kuch bhi kand karo dost pahle hazir baat khtm bhale samne koi bhi uski gaand me lund ke bajaye Sand ka danda .

 

[Darkk Soul]

Thnks Mahi Maurya ji... Wese ap shuru se hi kucu jada hi bcha chdhakar tareef karti aayi hai...ye thik nhi hai... Utna bhi khas nhi hoti meri story...ha khamishiya jaroor achhi thi ,tujhme rab dikhta hai pur nhi ho payi...docmo wali...ha wo bhi achhi thi...or rahi prakriti ki baat to ...yes ..m nature lover ..or mai ye baat bhi cheekh cheekh kr kahna chahti hu ki ye prithvi insano ke bap ki nhi hai...ispr sbbi jeev jantu or ped podho ka adhikar hai... Croro prajatiyo me se ek prajati hai insan or whi puri prithvi ka maalik khudko smjhta hai...kyuu...kyu wo samundra ko is taraf ganda krke usme rahne wali fish or jaliya jantuo ki jindgi brbad kr rha hai...pakshi asmaam me udte hue kitne achhe lgte hai...kabbi aap subha ke samay ka najara feel krna,asmaan me pakshi udte rahte hai jaise wo running kr rhe ho...kitna khubsurat najara hota hai...garmi ke mosam me birds ka paani pina, murgo ka, koyal ka geet kya ye sb hmare mn mo lubhate nhi hai...kya in sbse hmare mn me unke lie thode bbi pyar nhi umadta...fr bhi hm unhe marte rahte hai ..apne swad ke lie kaat'te rahte hai...
Rahi santulan ki baat ..to fir to bhai insan ko bhi marna shuru kr do...filhal to janvro se jada insan bbi samasya bne hue hai...jansankhya bht jada bdh gyi hai ...prakriti santulan ka hawana dene insano ko khtm krke kb santulan bnaoge prithvi ka...

Insan janvro ko mare to jaruru hai, santulan ke lie ...bda jeev chhote jeev ko marta hai or jb bda janvar insan ko kha jaye to rote firte,,,, bhgwan ko bolte ki hmne tera kya bigada tha jo hmare bchhe ko chhed liya...hahahah...kitna murkhta wali baat hai na...kya ab nhi wo kah sakte ki achha hua...bda jeev to chhote ko khata hi hai...prakriti ka santulan bnne ke lie insan mrna jruri hai...
Mai itni bdi to gyani nhi hu mai sbhi ki is baat se ekdm sahmt nhi hu...ki janvro ko nhi kahyege to prakriti ka santulan bigad jayega... Kya sirf murgi,bakri hi santulan bigad rhi hai,kutto ko bhi khao fir...are insan ko gobar or tattti me koi swad nhi aaya wrna fir ye or line aajati ki bhai ..santulan bnane ke lie hm gobar or tatti khate hai wrna puri duniya dldl me fs jayegi...
Ab kya hi kahe bs ...
Khair come to the story ..
Story me arushi ka presebtstion thoda weak lga mujhe...puri story apne hisab se likhi to 9000 word hue ..kaat peet krna pda islie kai aham scene kt gye...khair koi nhi...thanks maahi ji review dene k lie...or mene apki story pr b kiya hai review .

तर्क - वितर्क के लिए एक अलग से थ्रेड खोला जाए.

 

[rathodka8inch]

Story - Supernatural Intelligence
Writer - Over Lord

Story was not clear at all. Same like heavy rain in the beginning.

Bhoolchuk maaf. Dhanyawaad

 

[Shadow_Chaser]

कहानी- सफर: जीत का, हार का
रचनाकार- Shadow_Chaser जी

बहुत ही उम्दा कहानी की उम्दा प्रस्तुति।
कहानी विश्व के महत्वपूर्ण इतिहास पर लिखी गई है। इतिहास पर कहानी लिखने इतना आसान नहीं होता लेकिन आपने बहुत ही बेहतरीन और बारीकी से इतिहास के उस पल का अध्ययन किया और उसे लेखनी द्वारा हम पाठकों के लिए प्रस्तुत किया। ​

Apka bahut bahut dhanyavaad Mahi Maurya ji

रुडोल्फ हिटलर, जर्मनी का तानाशाह, जिसने इतिहास के पन्ने बदलकर रख दिए। हिटलर अपनी महत्वाकांक्षा में अंधा होकर यूरोप में अपना एकछत्र एकाधिकार स्थापित करने की ख्वाहिश के साथ 1939 में पोलैंड पर आक्रमण कर दिया जिसके कारण द्वितीय विश्वयुध्द छिड़ गया। जिसमें उसका साथ जापान और इटली जैसे देशों ने दिया। युद्ध मे निर्णायक मोड़ तब आया जब हिटलर ने फ्रांस को हराने के बाद सोवियत संघ(वर्तमान में सोवियत रूस) पर आक्रमण कर दिया। जिसके कारण इंग्लैंड और अमेरिका जैसे बड़े राज्य जर्मनी, इटली और जापान के विरुद्ध खड़े हो गए। 1945 में हिरोशिमा और नागासाकी पर परमाणु बम के हमले के साथ ही द्वितीय विश्वयुध्द का समापन हुआ

जर्मनी की पराजय के बाद रुडोल्फ हिटलर ने अपनी प्रेमिका इवा के साथ आत्महत्या कर ली। जब उसने आत्महत्या की और उसका शरीर निश्तेज हुआ उसी समय की कहानी लिखी है रचनाकार ने। ​

Kitne sankshipt aur spasht shabdon me aapne sab kuch summarize kar diya

कहानी को बहुत ही अच्छी तरीके से पिरोते हुए हिटलर को उसकी गलती और गुनाहों का एहसास कराते हुए कहानी को एक युग पीछे महाभारत काल में भी कुशलतापूर्वक पहुंचा दिया। वह दृश्य कितना भयानक होता है जब कोई अपने हमवतन लोगों को मृत्युशैया पर देखता है। आत्मग्लानि, पश्चाताप, हिटलर की मनोदशा बहुत बेहतरीन तरीके से प्रस्तुत की है रचनाकार ने।

हिटलर की इवा के साथ प्रेम कहानी भी सच है। अपने जीवन के आखिरी समय मे हिटलर ने इवा के साथ शादी की थी।​

So kind of you
Thank you so much.. it really means a lot to me

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- जीवनसंगिनी.... – मां बेटे का मिलन
Writer :- Dynamic2

Positive points :- Quick sex lover ke liye achi story hai. Aapne gift ka acha use kiya hai usi ke help se aapke story me thodi bahut kamukta aayi hai.

Negative points :- Sbse phli baat story me word and sentance me bahut mistake thi. Story kuch jyada hi fast lagi mujhe. Madhuri ne apne bete ya Mukhiya kisi ke sath bhi sex karne se phle koi virodh nahi dikhaya. Jaise wo wait kr rhi ho ki aao aur mujhe bhog lo. Sirf gift use kr lene se story me kamukta bhi aa jati. Uske liye sbdo ka chunav bhut hi soch smjh kr karna hota hai.

Best dialogue :- " कहते हे इस दुनिया में मां की गोद में स्वर्ग होता है... खेर मुझे नही पता स्वर्ग कैसा होता है पर मां की गोद से जादा सुकून नहीं देता दे सकता... "

Conclusion :- Aapne ek common subject par story likha hai. Jisme aapne kuch naya add nahi kiya hai. Fir bhi aapne USC me ek story post ki. Bas isi Story ko aap thode aur detailed me aur thoda soch smjha kar likhte to jyada acha lagta. Tab aapki story normal story na ho kar ek achi story ban jati.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Sanyog - Kabhi bhi ban Jaye
Writer :- Destiny

Positive points :- Aapne apne story me comedy dikhane ki achi kosis ki. Sath hi me love at first site ko bhi aapne kafi ache se dikhaya nd jaisa ki story ka title tha sanyog ki wajah se aakhir me Raunak aur Roshni aapas me mil hi jate hai. Raunak aur uski Maa ke bich ki strong bonding dikhi hme, apne maa ko wo na hi preshan karna chahta tha, aur apne Maa ke kehne par usne ek hi baar me sadi ke liye haa kar diya. Jisase pata chalta hai wo apne Maa ko kitna pyar aur respect deta hai. Raunak ka Roshni ke liye unconditional love bhi hme dikhayi diya.

Negative points :- Aapki story me word error kai jagah the. Sath me kuch scene story me be wajah lage Like :- " Ye sun'kar raunak ko hansi aa gayi. Kyu hansi aayi? "
Is dilog se juda koi kissa hota to baat smjh me aati. Lakin aisa kuch hua nhi to is line ka kya mtlab tha, smjh me bhi nahi aaya.

Best dialogue :- " Ek sanyog se meele the ek sanyog se alag huye phir ek aisa sanyog bana ki jindagi bhar saath rahenge phir kabhi na bichdenge. "

Conclusion :- Aapki story to achi thi. Concept bhi acha tha. Lakin story me wo feel nahi aa paya jo padh kar aana chahiye tha. Jbki kisi bhi story ka sbse bada aim yahi hota hai. Kuch chije bina wajah ki lagi unki jagah aap kuch aur chije dikha sakte the. Jaise ki unke pita ke jane ke baad unko kya kya pareshaniyo ka samna karna pada.
Kul mila kar itna hi kahunga ki aapki story mujhe Fihal ek avg. Story hi lagi.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Milne ki tadap kiski ______ Genny ya Geeta
Writer :- SultanTipu40

Positive points :- Aapne bikul hi alag concept ko choose kiya ye baat mujhe bahut hi achi lagi. Story me kafi kuch aapne dikhane ki kosis ki hai.

Negative points :- Story me spelling mistakes bahut thi. Fir sbse badi baat story me last ke 2 paragraph ko hata de to story suru se le kar ant tak smjh me hi nahi aayi. Chije bahut hi confusing thi. Kon sa dilog kiska hai ye smjha hi nahi aa raha tha. Fir story ek scene se dusre scene me transfer kab ho raha tha kuch smjha hi nahi aa raha tha.

Best dialogue :- " koi nahi itni khubsurat pari ke haathon marna bhi Kabul hai ..... Magar Apna naam to batao taki Marne se pahle jaan sakun kis khubsurat pari ke haathon mar Raha huin. "

Conclusion :- Aapne concept to acha select kiya. Lakin aap story ko uske hisab se likh nahi paye. Scenes ka transaction bhi bahut kharab tha. Kul mila kar itna hi kahunga ki sirf concept acha hone se hi story achi nahi ban skti hai. Uske liye aapko story ka narration bhi ache se karna padta hai. Ummide karta hu aapki 2nd story me mujhe ye kamiya nahi dekhne ko milegi.

 

[Itachi_Uchiha]

Story :- Surgical Chudai
Writer :- rathodka8inch

Positive points :- Story ka concept to sex tha hi. Lakin aapne jis tarike se ise pesh kiya hai wo kabile tarif hai. Aapne jo pic add kiye wo bhi bikul sahi time par aur sahi position wale add kiye hai. Isase aapke story me kamukta kuch had tak increase ho jati hai. Quick sex lover ko aapki story kafi pasnd aayegi. Gul aur baki log apne kirdar me bilkul sahi lage mujhe. Aapne apne story ke jariye ek problem ko bhi sbke samne lane ki kosis ki hai ki agar mard me kami hoti hai to wo kaise kud ki ijjat bachane ko sare upay karta hai.

Negative points :- Aapki story me sex thoda jldi ho gaya, Aisa mujhe laga. Agar Gul thoda aur nakhre karti, aur virodh karti to story me jyada maja aata.
Sath hi me agar ending me aap koi twist le aate jaise Uske dost ko ya Gul ke pati ko pata chal jata ki yaha kya hua to story me aur bhi jaan aa jati.

Best dialogue :- " Haai.. Aag se khela nahi to kya khela. Aur rahi baat laash ki to tum jaisi husn ko na chakha to zindagi bhi maut ki tarah hi h. "

Conclusion :- To mai itna hi kehna cahunga ki aapki story achi thi. Aapne almost sari chije sahi se pesh bhi ki, jisase aapki story avg. Story se ek level upar uth gayi. Lakin aapki story me koi unique baat nahi thi jisase ye top ke story me apni jagah bana paye.
Ummid karta hu aapki next story me mujhe aur bhi kuch naya aur behtar dekhne ko mile.