Nice update but hero apne maa baap aur chachi ko kabhi maaf naa kare to hi nyay hoga. Yaha sabhi stories me same fanda hota he ki pahle hero k sath unke ghar wale janwaro sa vyavhar karte he last me pyar lutate he to hero maaf karke raji khushi unke sath rahne lag jata he. Iske dada ne bhi kah tha ki anyay ko sahna bhi galat he to unko saza bhi usi tarah mile jis tarah hero ko di thi. 12th ho gayi he to apne shahar wapas bhejo wahi se college kare aur unke aaspaas rah kar ho unko rulaye. Jane se pahle kisi bade aadmi se use zarur milwa dena taki peso ki jhanjhat khatam ho jaye.
LionHeart007
AHSAN
- 1,269
- 4,617
- 144
Yr update to thk hai but kaafi choti thi bcz itne time baad ayii hai is liyeUPDATE - 12
Jaise hi 12 baje mujhe aajebh sa "DARD" hone laga aisa lag raha tha ki kisine mere sharir pe tezab phek diya ho. Mera sharir hawa me uthne laga. Thodi der baad jalan kam ho gyi aur sharir bhi niche aa gya. Jaise hi maine aakhen kholi kii......
Aabb aaggeee...........
Jab maine aakhen kholi meri aakhen pori tarah se kali thi.
Agar mujhe koi aise dekh leta to pakka heart attack se mar jata. Mai dekh pa raha tha aas paas ka andhera mera andar ho raha tha. Mai hil bhi nhi paa rha tha bas sare andhere ko apne andar jata hua dekh pa rha tha. Jab sara andhera andar aa gya meri aakhen band ho gyi aur mai wahi jamin pe behosh ho gya.
Jab savere aankh khuli tab mai wahi jamin pe pada hua tha abhi koi savere ke 5 baje honge aas paas sab sunsan tha. Mai utha aur aas paas dekhne laga. Achanak mujhe raat ki saari baate yaad aa gyi maine apne aap ko hath laga ke sab check kiya aur paya meri t shirt gayab thi aur body bohot sakt ho gyi thi 6 pack abs ke 8 pack ho gye the.
Ander ajeeb si takat mehsus ho rhi thi par kuch samajh nhi aa rha tha. Tabhi mere kano me ek sard awaj sunayi di.
Awaj : ajeeb mehsus ho rha hai.
Mai idhar udhar dekhne laga
Mai : k.. Kon hai. Aur kaha hai.
Awaj : darne ki jarurat nhi hai.
Mai : par ho kaha.
Awaj : tumhare andar.
Mai : kkkkkyaa?
Awaj : mai tumhara hi ek hissa hu.
Mai : kaise.
Awaj : mai hamesha se tumhare andar tha.
Mai : aaisa nhi ho skta.
Awaj : acha to ye batao jab tumhare pita tumhe pit te to tumhare ghav itne jaldi kyu bhar jate, haa wo mai hi tha jo ye karta tha.
Aur pandit ji ne sirf wo manhoos wali jhut kahi thi par usne ek baat sach kahi thi aur wo ye thi ke "Bachcha hamesha kali shaktiyo ki chatra chaya me rahega.
Mai : (chekhte hue) ye nhi ho skta.
Awaj : kyu nhi ho skta yaad karo jab sabne tumhe chod diya tha tab tumhare sath sirf mai tha! andhera tha!.
Mai : jab itne samay se shant the to ab kyu aae ho.
Awaj : kyuki ab tum 18 ke ho gye mujhe apnane ke yogya ho gye ho to mujhe swikaro kyuki ye takat tumhe abhi nhi mili hai ye to is janm ke pehele bhi tumhare paas thi.
Mai (man me : sahi hi to keh raha hai jab sabne thukra diya to hai hi kon ab parwah karne ke liye. Waise bhi ye mera hissa hai apna leta hu agar kuch ho bhi gya to peche waise bhi koi rone wala nhi hai.)
Mai : mujhe manzur hai.
Awaj : Mujhe apnane se pehele ek baat dhyaan se sun lo tumhara sharir abhi bhi iss takat ko nhi sambhal sakta iss liye tumhe apne aap ko aur taiyaar krna hoga.
Mai : (sard leheje me) mujhe swikaar hai.
Agle hi pal meri aakhen kali ho gyi rang aur safed ho gya sharir kisi lohe ke saman ho gya chehera aur akarshak ho gya . Thodi der baad akhen normal ho gyi par bhaki sab waisa hi raha.
Phir sabse pehele maine apne saman se nyi shirt peheni .ab sochne laga ki aage kya kiya jaaye kyuki shakti istemaak abhi nhi kar skte th kyu ki pehele uspe kabu pana tha. Ab sabse bada sawaal tha paise kaise kamaye jaye ? Kuch samajh nhi aa rha tha. Par kuch to karna tha hi aur ab kal ke baad ab bina power ke bhi mera sharirik bal aam logo se kayi guna bad chuka tha aur dimaag bhi. Sath hi sath mere chehere ka aur body ka akarshan bhi bad chuka tha ek pal ke liye to mai hi apne aap ko aine me dekh ke pehchan nhi pata. Khair mai nikal pada kuch paise kamane. mai ek gali se guzar hi raha tha ki mujhe ek ladki ki cheekh sunayi di mai samajh gaya kuch gadbad hai iss liye uss disha me badh gaya . Jaise hi mai waha pohocha dekha teen ladke ek ladki ko pakad ke kahi le ja rhe the iss liye mai bina der kiya waha pohoch ek punch ek admi ke pith pe jad diya. Iss karan baki do log mujhe dekh gusse me meri aur bhadhe isse pehele wo kuch kar pate maine ek round kick ghuma ke dono ko gira diya. Wo dono to wapas uth gye par jise mai pith pe punch mara tha wo utha hi nhi ye dekh wo dono dar ke waha se bhaag gye. Phir mai us ladki ki aaur badha wo mujhe hi ghur rahi thi par ye batana mushkil tha ki wo mere looks ki wajah se mujhe ghur rhi thi ya abhi jo hua uske karan. Maine usse pucha.
Mai : kyaa aap thik hai?
Mere puchne ke karan use hosh aya wo boli
Ladki : m..mai thik hu. Aapko kahi chot to nhi lagi.?
Mai : nhi mai thik hu ab mujhe chalna chahiye.
Dekhte hai aagee kya hota hai.......
But 1 request hai ke hero ko please chahe jitna bhi powerful bana fo pr bura mt banaana ke wo koi ghalat kaam naa kre aur kisi ka bura na chahe aur ho sake to apni powers ko control kr ke khud pr se.kaala saaya hata paye aur apni powers ko acha kr sake aur is beech us se koi ghalata kaam na ho , ye bhi dikha sakte ho ke hero apni powers ko acha ke liye use krta hai pr uske under ki burayiii us pr haawi hone ki try krti hai pr wo hamesha usse hara kr acha kaam hi krta hai apni power se aur is me uski himmat aur jazba uske friends,pyar,aur sisters etc brhaate hain aur us ki help krte hain .
LionHeart007
AHSAN
- 1,269
- 4,617
- 144
Haan sister ko chor kr
Aur bhai mene bhi eak comment kiya hai ap usko bhi prho.aur batao ke apko mera wo idea kaisa laga ?.
- 260
- 1,792
- 124
good oneUPDATE - 12
Jaise hi 12 baje mujhe aajebh sa "DARD" hone laga aisa lag raha tha ki kisine mere sharir pe tezab phek diya ho. Mera sharir hawa me uthne laga. Thodi der baad jalan kam ho gyi aur sharir bhi niche aa gya. Jaise hi maine aakhen kholi kii......
Aabb aaggeee...........
Jab maine aakhen kholi meri aakhen pori tarah se kali thi.
Agar mujhe koi aise dekh leta to pakka heart attack se mar jata. Mai dekh pa raha tha aas paas ka andhera mera andar ho raha tha. Mai hil bhi nhi paa rha tha bas sare andhere ko apne andar jata hua dekh pa rha tha. Jab sara andhera andar aa gya meri aakhen band ho gyi aur mai wahi jamin pe behosh ho gya.
Jab savere aankh khuli tab mai wahi jamin pe pada hua tha abhi koi savere ke 5 baje honge aas paas sab sunsan tha. Mai utha aur aas paas dekhne laga. Achanak mujhe raat ki saari baate yaad aa gyi maine apne aap ko hath laga ke sab check kiya aur paya meri t shirt gayab thi aur body bohot sakt ho gyi thi 6 pack abs ke 8 pack ho gye the.
Ander ajeeb si takat mehsus ho rhi thi par kuch samajh nhi aa rha tha. Tabhi mere kano me ek sard awaj sunayi di.
Awaj : ajeeb mehsus ho rha hai.
Mai idhar udhar dekhne laga
Mai : k.. Kon hai. Aur kaha hai.
Awaj : darne ki jarurat nhi hai.
Mai : par ho kaha.
Awaj : tumhare andar.
Mai : kkkkkyaa?
Awaj : mai tumhara hi ek hissa hu.
Mai : kaise.
Awaj : mai hamesha se tumhare andar tha.
Mai : aaisa nhi ho skta.
Awaj : acha to ye batao jab tumhare pita tumhe pit te to tumhare ghav itne jaldi kyu bhar jate, haa wo mai hi tha jo ye karta tha.
Aur pandit ji ne sirf wo manhoos wali jhut kahi thi par usne ek baat sach kahi thi aur wo ye thi ke "Bachcha hamesha kali shaktiyo ki chatra chaya me rahega.
Mai : (chekhte hue) ye nhi ho skta.
Awaj : kyu nhi ho skta yaad karo jab sabne tumhe chod diya tha tab tumhare sath sirf mai tha! andhera tha!.
Mai : jab itne samay se shant the to ab kyu aae ho.
Awaj : kyuki ab tum 18 ke ho gye mujhe apnane ke yogya ho gye ho to mujhe swikaro kyuki ye takat tumhe abhi nhi mili hai ye to is janm ke pehele bhi tumhare paas thi.
Mai (man me : sahi hi to keh raha hai jab sabne thukra diya to hai hi kon ab parwah karne ke liye. Waise bhi ye mera hissa hai apna leta hu agar kuch ho bhi gya to peche waise bhi koi rone wala nhi hai.)
Mai : mujhe manzur hai.
Awaj : Mujhe apnane se pehele ek baat dhyaan se sun lo tumhara sharir abhi bhi iss takat ko nhi sambhal sakta iss liye tumhe apne aap ko aur taiyaar krna hoga.
Mai : (sard leheje me) mujhe swikaar hai.
Agle hi pal meri aakhen kali ho gyi rang aur safed ho gya sharir kisi lohe ke saman ho gya chehera aur akarshak ho gya . Thodi der baad akhen normal ho gyi par bhaki sab waisa hi raha.
Phir sabse pehele maine apne saman se nyi shirt peheni .ab sochne laga ki aage kya kiya jaaye kyuki shakti istemaak abhi nhi kar skte th kyu ki pehele uspe kabu pana tha. Ab sabse bada sawaal tha paise kaise kamaye jaye ? Kuch samajh nhi aa rha tha. Par kuch to karna tha hi aur ab kal ke baad ab bina power ke bhi mera sharirik bal aam logo se kayi guna bad chuka tha aur dimaag bhi. Sath hi sath mere chehere ka aur body ka akarshan bhi bad chuka tha ek pal ke liye to mai hi apne aap ko aine me dekh ke pehchan nhi pata. Khair mai nikal pada kuch paise kamane. mai ek gali se guzar hi raha tha ki mujhe ek ladki ki cheekh sunayi di mai samajh gaya kuch gadbad hai iss liye uss disha me badh gaya . Jaise hi mai waha pohocha dekha teen ladke ek ladki ko pakad ke kahi le ja rhe the iss liye mai bina der kiya waha pohoch ek punch ek admi ke pith pe jad diya. Iss karan baki do log mujhe dekh gusse me meri aur bhadhe isse pehele wo kuch kar pate maine ek round kick ghuma ke dono ko gira diya. Wo dono to wapas uth gye par jise mai pith pe punch mara tha wo utha hi nhi ye dekh wo dono dar ke waha se bhaag gye. Phir mai us ladki ki aaur badha wo mujhe hi ghur rahi thi par ye batana mushkil tha ki wo mere looks ki wajah se mujhe ghur rhi thi ya abhi jo hua uske karan. Maine usse pucha.
Mai : kyaa aap thik hai?
Mere puchne ke karan use hosh aya wo boli
Ladki : m..mai thik hu. Aapko kahi chot to nhi lagi.?
Mai : nhi mai thik hu ab mujhe chalna chahiye.
Dekhte hai aagee kya hota hai.......
LionHeart007
AHSAN
- 1,269
- 4,617
- 144
Koi baat nahi bhai mene is liye kaha kyu ke manaa ke hero ke saath bohot buraa huwaa hai lekin iska.matlab ye to nahi ke wo bhi buraa hi bn jaye , agr wo bhi wohi sab kare ga mtlb bure kaam to phir hero aur villain me kya farq reh jaye ga aisa hi ache aur bure ka farq hai ,gunah ki saza to banti hai pr agr ap saza ke chakkar me khud hu bure ban jao to phir ap bhi waise hi saza ke.haqdaar bn jate ho phir ko agr aise hi saza mile gi to phir ye eak chain ki trha start ho jaata hai ,
Aur jahan tk story related baat hai to ye hero apne ander ki dark forces se larrr kr apni powers ko ache ke.liye use kare ga to uski jo struggle hogi aur jo will powers waghaira hogi us se story ko eak new life mi jaye gi ke kaise hero apne ander ki burayii se lrtaa hai aur sath me ine.bure.logon ke saath reh kr aur dard sehne ke baad bui ache kaam kre .
- 260
- 1,792
- 124
LionHeart007
AHSAN
- 1,269
- 4,617
- 144
750 words hai 3000 words mese dusra update kal de dona yaarBhai keep giving suggestions☺
Jaguaar
Well-Known Member
- 17,679
- 60,994
- 244
Nice UpdateUPDATE - 12
Jaise hi 12 baje mujhe aajebh sa "DARD" hone laga aisa lag raha tha ki kisine mere sharir pe tezab phek diya ho. Mera sharir hawa me uthne laga. Thodi der baad jalan kam ho gyi aur sharir bhi niche aa gya. Jaise hi maine aakhen kholi kii......
Aabb aaggeee...........
Jab maine aakhen kholi meri aakhen pori tarah se kali thi.
Agar mujhe koi aise dekh leta to pakka heart attack se mar jata. Mai dekh pa raha tha aas paas ka andhera mera andar ho raha tha. Mai hil bhi nhi paa rha tha bas sare andhere ko apne andar jata hua dekh pa rha tha. Jab sara andhera andar aa gya meri aakhen band ho gyi aur mai wahi jamin pe behosh ho gya.
Jab savere aankh khuli tab mai wahi jamin pe pada hua tha abhi koi savere ke 5 baje honge aas paas sab sunsan tha. Mai utha aur aas paas dekhne laga. Achanak mujhe raat ki saari baate yaad aa gyi maine apne aap ko hath laga ke sab check kiya aur paya meri t shirt gayab thi aur body bohot sakt ho gyi thi 6 pack abs ke 8 pack ho gye the.
Ander ajeeb si takat mehsus ho rhi thi par kuch samajh nhi aa rha tha. Tabhi mere kano me ek sard awaj sunayi di.
Awaj : ajeeb mehsus ho rha hai.
Mai idhar udhar dekhne laga
Mai : k.. Kon hai. Aur kaha hai.
Awaj : darne ki jarurat nhi hai.
Mai : par ho kaha.
Awaj : tumhare andar.
Mai : kkkkkyaa?
Awaj : mai tumhara hi ek hissa hu.
Mai : kaise.
Awaj : mai hamesha se tumhare andar tha.
Mai : aaisa nhi ho skta.
Awaj : acha to ye batao jab tumhare pita tumhe pit te to tumhare ghav itne jaldi kyu bhar jate, haa wo mai hi tha jo ye karta tha.
Aur pandit ji ne sirf wo manhoos wali jhut kahi thi par usne ek baat sach kahi thi aur wo ye thi ke "Bachcha hamesha kali shaktiyo ki chatra chaya me rahega.
Mai : (chekhte hue) ye nhi ho skta.
Awaj : kyu nhi ho skta yaad karo jab sabne tumhe chod diya tha tab tumhare sath sirf mai tha! andhera tha!.
Mai : jab itne samay se shant the to ab kyu aae ho.
Awaj : kyuki ab tum 18 ke ho gye mujhe apnane ke yogya ho gye ho to mujhe swikaro kyuki ye takat tumhe abhi nhi mili hai ye to is janm ke pehele bhi tumhare paas thi.
Mai (man me : sahi hi to keh raha hai jab sabne thukra diya to hai hi kon ab parwah karne ke liye. Waise bhi ye mera hissa hai apna leta hu agar kuch ho bhi gya to peche waise bhi koi rone wala nhi hai.)
Mai : mujhe manzur hai.
Awaj : Mujhe apnane se pehele ek baat dhyaan se sun lo tumhara sharir abhi bhi iss takat ko nhi sambhal sakta iss liye tumhe apne aap ko aur taiyaar krna hoga.
Mai : (sard leheje me) mujhe swikaar hai.
Agle hi pal meri aakhen kali ho gyi rang aur safed ho gya sharir kisi lohe ke saman ho gya chehera aur akarshak ho gya . Thodi der baad akhen normal ho gyi par bhaki sab waisa hi raha.
Phir sabse pehele maine apne saman se nyi shirt peheni .ab sochne laga ki aage kya kiya jaaye kyuki shakti istemaak abhi nhi kar skte th kyu ki pehele uspe kabu pana tha. Ab sabse bada sawaal tha paise kaise kamaye jaye ? Kuch samajh nhi aa rha tha. Par kuch to karna tha hi aur ab kal ke baad ab bina power ke bhi mera sharirik bal aam logo se kayi guna bad chuka tha aur dimaag bhi. Sath hi sath mere chehere ka aur body ka akarshan bhi bad chuka tha ek pal ke liye to mai hi apne aap ko aine me dekh ke pehchan nhi pata. Khair mai nikal pada kuch paise kamane. mai ek gali se guzar hi raha tha ki mujhe ek ladki ki cheekh sunayi di mai samajh gaya kuch gadbad hai iss liye uss disha me badh gaya . Jaise hi mai waha pohocha dekha teen ladke ek ladki ko pakad ke kahi le ja rhe the iss liye mai bina der kiya waha pohoch ek punch ek admi ke pith pe jad diya. Iss karan baki do log mujhe dekh gusse me meri aur bhadhe isse pehele wo kuch kar pate maine ek round kick ghuma ke dono ko gira diya. Wo dono to wapas uth gye par jise mai pith pe punch mara tha wo utha hi nhi ye dekh wo dono dar ke waha se bhaag gye. Phir mai us ladki ki aaur badha wo mujhe hi ghur rahi thi par ye batana mushkil tha ki wo mere looks ki wajah se mujhe ghur rhi thi ya abhi jo hua uske karan. Maine usse pucha.
Mai : kyaa aap thik hai?
Mere puchne ke karan use hosh aya wo boli
Ladki : m..mai thik hu. Aapko kahi chot to nhi lagi.?
Mai : nhi mai thik hu ab mujhe chalna chahiye.
Dekhte hai aagee kya hota hai.......