Thriller Dastan-ae-aladdin=》X~FORUM no.1 Thriller story

[Suryaa]

Unique intro style...
next....
Haan bhai ye he hota h..
Ek kahawat h...
'Kawwa chala hans ki chaal aur apni chaal bhi bhul gaya.'

To bhai jia bhi writer ne apne tarike se kahani likhi h wo kamyaab rahi h.
Apna tarika apnao aur kamyaabi pao

sahi kaha janu bhaiya maine unki style apnae aur khude k style bhul gaya aur fhire dhire dhire frusted honai laga
but ab esa nahi hoga
kyuki mujhe kise ne kaha hai
jo likho dil se likho
na k dimag se

 

[Suryaa]

Yahan reply mili toh..
... mujh se bhi apni story pe rebu expect mat kario.....

thanku

 

[janu2016]

Update 1
Brilliant
To bhai shahb per full family ke murder charges hai...
Ali ka gusse mein dimag kaam kar gaya...

Ab tarika aur maloom chal jaye

 

[janu2016]

Update 2

Jail ke bahar tazi hawa ek saath ek imandaar policiya free
next

 

[janu2016]

Waiting next....

 

[Suryaa]

Thanks janu bhaiya
aapke comment padh kr bhoute accha laga
kyuki aapka comment kaafi detailed hai

Update 1
Brilliant
To bhai shahb per full family ke murder charges hai...
Ali ka gusse mein dimag kaam kar gaya...

Ab tarika aur maloom chal jaye

Vo bhi jalde hi chlega

Waiting next....

Kosis hogi k jalde de saku

Update 2

Jail ke bahar tazi hawa ek saath ek imandaar policiya free
next

ha ab dekh te hai aage kya kya hota hai

 

[Naina]

Unique intro style...
next....
Haan bhai ye he hota h..
Ek kahawat h...
'Kawwa chala hans ki chaal aur apni chaal bhi bhul gaya.'

To bhai jia bhi writer ne apne tarike se kahani likhi h wo kamyaab rahi h.
Apna tarika apnao aur kamyaabi pao

rebu

 

[Naina]

Daastan-ae-aladdin

Episode ~ 2​

Ab tke,

Kabir-abhi tum hi to kah rahi the ki tum unhai mar donge aur abhi tum kah rahi ho vo maregay nahi...aakhir tum karna kya chahte ho

Ali- vo dono kutee ki moute maregay par zinda rahi gay

Kabir- mai tumhara mtlb nahi samjha

Ali- Samjhe jao gay....vo bhi bhoute jalde

Kabir- aakhire tumhare dimage mai kya chle raha hai

Ali- mai tumhai nahi batao ga kyuki jo chiz mai tumhai kr kai dikha sakta hu....vo batani ki kya
jarurate hai

Ab aage...

Ali- ek baate batao kya tu maira ek kaam kr sakti ho

Kabir- ha jarur batao kya kaam hai

Ali- kya tum mujhe lighter,thoda masaala aur thoda pani aur ha ek roti la kr de sakti ho

Kabir- la to sakta hu....yaha meri bhoute chalte hai...but tum inka karoge kya

Ali-Lighter aur masaala meri plane k liye main hai aur pani mujhe penai k liye chahiye vo kya hai
na mujhe bhoute pyass lage hai aur roti kyuki mujhe bhuk bhi lage hai

Kabir- masaala....roti... mtlb??

Ali- ari itnai bde ho gae ho pata nahi masala mtlb haldi mirchi and vagera vagera aur roti to tum jante hi ho

Kabir-janta to ho pr mujhe laga sayade tum koe plane bana rahi ho un dono ko marnai ka but ab lag raha hai ki tum mera chutiya bana rahi ho.....tabhi to y saari chize manga rahi ho

Ali- y unhai marnai k liye hai....sach mai

Kabir- ha masali se tum unhai jala jala kr marogay

Ali- ha tum esa kah sakte ho

Kabir-pagal samjha hai kya

Ali- dekho es time agar mai tumhai samjhao ga to ....tum samjh nahi paogay tum ek kaam karo jo
maine kaha vo lakr de do tke hai

Kabir-Tke hai

Kabir(mann mai)-pata nahi ab eski dimage mai kya chle raha hai.....kahi khude pagal to nahi ho
gaya ....kya pata ....pr ek bate to paki hai eski baate mujhe pagal jarur kar degi

Y sb sochte huvi kabir vaha se constable k pass gaya aur use se lighter,masala, roti aur pani ki ek botle le kr ali k pass pahocha aur phire ali k pass ja kr bola

Kabir-y lo .....aur ban jao bavarchi

Ali(has kr)- ha par aaj nahi kale....ab tum jaao mujhe abhi kaam karna hai...tke hai

Kabir- tke hai....tumhai jo karna hai karo....aur ha maine constable ko kah diya hai vo tumhai
pareshan nahi karega...so tum jo karna chahte ho karo

Ali- Tke hai ......aur shukriya

Phire kabir apne cell mai chla gaya aur ali apna kaam karni laga karib 3-4 ghnte bade ali bola

Ali- Lo y kaam to ho gaya ab bs jo maine socha hai sbe vesa ho jae to kle mujhe bavrchi bane nai
se koe nahi rok sakta

Y kah kr ali apne cell ki aur chle diya aur vaha ja kr so gaya karib subah k 5 baje hogi tb vo utha
aur kabir k cell ki taraf chle diya

Ali- ari kabir uthe....ek bate puchani hai tujhe se

Kabir- sone do na....abhi to subah bhi nahi hue

Ali- Utha ja khumbh karn....maire swaal ka jawab de kr so jana

Kabir(aakh masalte huvi)- kya hai....kyu uthaya itne subh subh pata hai mai kitna acha sapna dekh
raha tha...ki mai yaha se bahar nikalnai hi wala tha ki tumnai mujhe utha diya.....ab bolo kya baate
phuchani hai

Ali(hse ti huvi)- yahi k kya tum meri sath yaha se bahar nikale na chaho gay

Kabir(chock kr)- maire sath mtlb ??

Ali-kyuki agle 20 min. me mai yaha se bahar ja raha hu

Kabir- kya ? ...kise ....kahi tum pagal to nahi....ek min. tum nai kahi vo masal wala plane banya hai
kya ...agar ha to mai nahi chle raha

Ali- soch lo.....bade mai pachtaogay

Kabir- tumhai pura yakine hai tuhara vo bavarchi plane kaam karega

Ali- ha ....aur vaise meri bavarchi bane nai mai abhi 15 min. aur 16 sec baki hai

Kabir- tum pagal hogae ho ya ....phire mujhe pagal kar dogay

Ali- hmari iq level hme kabhi bade mai check karegay abhi ek kaam karo lukha aur aslam ko kise
bahar lekr aao......aur phire use badi chatan k piche beth kr show enjoy karo okay

Kabir- pr vo meri bate kyu sunaigaya

Ali- kyuki tum unhai kahogay k tumhai y khabar mile hai ki koe unhai marna chahta hai aur vo
shakhs ek samye esi jail mai hai.....aur use shaks ki bari mai ...ali yani k mai janta hu

Kabir- tumhai lagta hai....vo es bate pr yakine karega

Ali-paka karega

Kabir-pr tum etnai yakine se kise kah sakti ho

Ali- kyuki kal maine uski bate suni thi.....jes sai y saaf saaf pata chlta hai...ki vo ek number ka fhatu hai....aur usi apne jaan ki bhoute fhikare hai....ab time waste mate karo aur jalde jaao

Kabir- Tke hai

Y kah kr kabir lukha ki cell ki taraf chal gaya aur bola

Kabir- lukha bhai....are oh lukha bhai

Lukha- kon chila raha hai bhenchod....pata nahi abhi lukha k sone ka time hai

Kabir- Pata hai lukha bhai lekine agar aap abhi nahi uthai to phire kabhi nahi uthae pao gay

Lukha- Mtlb kya hai tera bhenchode

Kabir-vo aapki jaan ko khatra hai

Lukha(aakh bde karta huva)- kya ...pr kise se

Kabir- ha bhai kise se hai y mujhe to nahi pata pr mera ek doste hai use pata hai...aap abhi
chalyai...maire sath .....pata hai aglai 15 min. mai aap pr jane lewa war ho sakta hai

Lukha- to tu phuch kr kyu nahi aaya ....kahi koe game to nahi khel raha hai na

Kabir- bhai aapke sath game khel kr....mai kya karuga....aapki aasirwade se to hme sabhi yaha chain se rah rahi hai.....aur waise bhi aapke sath game khel kr mujhe nark thodi janna hai

Lukha- tke hai ...mai aa raha hu...tu chle mai aslam k sath aata hu

Kabir- ji bhai

Y kah kr kabir lukha k cell se bahar aa gaya aur phire lukha aur aslam ko apne sath lekr ali k pass pahocha

Lukha- yahi vo ladka hai kya

Kabir- ha bhai...yahi hai vo

Lukha- kya naam hai tera ladke

Ali- Ali ~Naam mai kya rakha hai

Lukha- ohh....attitude...accha hai.....ab bata kis se khatra hai mujhe

Ali-bata ta hu pr pahali esi yaha se jane ko bolo

Lukha- tke hai....kabir abhi k liye tu yaha se nikale

Lukha ki bate sune kr kabir vaha se chla gaya aur vaha ja kr khada ho gaya jaha ali nai use kaha tha

Aslam- ab bata bhai ko kise se khatra hai

Ali - khatra nahi balki paka hai vo esi mera mtlb hai lukha bhai ko mar dega

Lukha- y kya bak rha hai

Ali- bak raha mai nahi balki aap ho....jesi thodi der mai vo halaal karega

Lukha- bata kone madarchode hai.....abhi use uskai pariwaar k sath utha leta hu

Ali- aap chah kr bhi esa nahi kr saktai kyuki uska pariwaar to pahlai hi upar waalai ko pyara ho
chuka hai.....bs ek bhen hai

Lukha- To uski bhen koooooooo

Ali- na lukha na ....ek sabdh bhi nahi

Aslam- tujhe kyu mirchi lagi...ek min.....tu hi hai wo hena

Ali- Sahi jawab...aur eski liye tumhai aur esi milte hai saza-ae-moute

Lukha-vo to abhi pata chlega ki kese moute milete hai....kyuki hme sher hai

Ali- tke hai to chlo uskai liye ....ek game khelte hai pakdam pakdai....jo jeta vo sikander aur jo hara vo cha-chundhar....so pakdo lossers

Y kah kr ali aage aage bhag raha tha aur vo dono uskai pichai

Ali- kya huva sher itnai jaldi shuware bane gae....hi hi hi hi...mujhe pata tha ki tum dono se na ho pae ga

Lukha- Ruke ja saale abhi bata ta hu kon shuware hai aur kon sher

Ali-ohh to tum janwaro k doctore bhi ho...mujhe pata nahi tha....lo mai to har gaya

Y kah kr ali ek jagah aa kr ruke gaya

Aslam- kya huva ....itnai jaldi thake gaya.....abhi to bhoute uchal raha tha

Ali- mujhe pata chle gaya yaha mera yahi aakhri samye hai.....agar koe galti ho gae ho to maaf
karna...kya tum meri aakhri khawaise puri kr sakti ho

Lukha- chle tke hai...tu bhi kya yaade rakhega....bole kya khawais hai teri

Ali- e nahi balki do hai

Lukha- Chle bole dono puri ho jae gi

Ali- pahali y ki mujhe cigrate pine hai

Lukha- ha..ha ha ha....tu to sabe se bada ganjhadi nikala re....moute samnai hai aur ahi bhi cigrate
pine hai......chle tu bhi kya yaad rakhega y lai

Y kah kr lukha nai ali ko cigrate de aur bola

Lukha- y le pi lay

Ali-laao
y kah kr ali nai cigrate le aur shulgae aur bola

Ali- mai to bhule gaya tha dhumrapaan karna shahate k liye hanikark hai

Aslam- kya backchodi laga rakhi hai pena hai to pe ...nahi to fhek de aur bhai aap kya eski backchodi dekh rahi ho....mai to kahta hu abhi k abhi mare do esi

Lukha- nahi meri dadi kahte thi ki marnai walai ki aakhri ichiya puri kari chahhiye....punay milta
hai....aur ladke bata teri dhusri ichiya kya hai

Ali- Meri dusri ichiya hai tum dono k moute

Y kah kr ali ni cigrate phek de aur turate vaha se jump mare kr dusri side jirgaya aur es se pahlai
lukha aur aslam khuch samjhe pate

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Aur undono k par khachi ude gay
aur keval unkai hi nai unke aas pas ke kae chizo k parkhache ude gay yaha tke ke jail ki boundary ka hi ek hisa biche mai se tute gaya tha

Dhamkae ki awaaz sune kr kabir turante ali k tarafe pahocha aur bola

Kabir- ali...ali tum tke to ho

Ali- ha ....tke hu....bs ek glass milk-rose mile jaae to jaan mai jaan aa jae

Y kah kr ali khada ho gaya ...use dekh kr kabir bola vo dono kaha hai

Ali- vo dono yaha se bhag gae....pr vo dono mare gae

Kabir- mtlb??

Ali- kitnai mtlabhi ho tum jab dekho mtlb puchte rah te ho....y mtlb bade mai phuchana aur abhi yaha se chlo constables aate he hogi

Kabir-Tke hai

Phire kabir aur ali vaha se tute hue boundary wall ko langha kr nikale gae

vo yaha se nikale kr tb tke bhagte rahi jab tke unhai y yakine nahi ho gaya k ab vo jail se kaafi dure aa chuke hai

Kabir- mujhe yakine nahi ho raha hm sach mai .....bahar hai...kahi y koe sapna to nahi

Ali- accha

y kah kr ali nai kabir ki ek chuti kate jes sai kabir chila utha aur bola

Kabir- kya kar rahi ho...pagal ho gae ho kya

Ali- Nahi tumhai yakine dila raha hu...ki hme sach mai bhar hai

Kabir- pr mujhe y samjhe mai nahi aa raha tumnai y sb kise kiya

Ali- y bhi batao ja pr pahali en kaideo wali kapde se bahar nikale

Kabir- ha tke hai....y tum mujhe pr chode do ....yaha pass mai hi mera ghar hai....vaha chlte hai

Ali- Tke hai chlo

Phire ali aur kabir dono kabir k ghar ki taraf chle diye

vaha ja kr dono ne kapde change kiye aur phire ali kabir se bola

Ali- kya police es jagah k bare mai jante hai

Kabir- ha....vo mujhe yaha se hi pakade kr lekr gae the

Ali- oh vesai tum pr kya jhuta aarop lagaya tha unhonai

Kabir- corruption ka....mai ek police inspector tha....ek imander police inspector...aur merai imandari k thofai mai mujhe jail ho jae.....vesi tumhai kise pata chla ki mujhe pr jhuta aarop lagaya
gaya tha....tum to mujhe jante bhi nahi ho

Ali- ha pr mai junhai-jhaaro ko bhoute acchi se janta hu.....aur tumhare soch vesi nahi hai

Kabir- lagta hai tumnai kafi karibe se junhai-jhaaro ko dekha hai.....vesi y sbe chodo aur batao k tumnai vo sb kise kiya

Ali- jarur pr pahali yaha se niklo aur ha vo kapdai bhi le kr chlo ......kyuki meri khayal se vo ek bar yaha jarur aae gay

Kabir- tke hai

Aaaj k liye itna hi

Aapka doste suryaa

and

Thanks for reading

update Suryaa ji....... Extraordinary

 

[Naina]

anandsngh12 ji ek review plz

 

[anandsngh12]

Bahut badhiya start hai dost..
Kahani ka plot achchha hai..
Ali ne lukkha aur aslam ko vajib saza di...
Ab aage dekhte hain ki vo kaise bahar nikalta hai jail se..?

Surya bhai spellings par thoda dhyan do..mistakes bahut jyada hain..jiski vajah se read karne me kafi dikkat jati hai..agar kisi tarah read kar bhi liya to uska arth samajhne me problem hoti hai..

Dusri baat short words ka use kam se kam karo...kyon ki short words use karne se kayi words aise ban jate hain ki writer ne vo likha kisi aur maqsad se hota hai parantu padhne wale ko uska arth kuch aur hi samajh me aata hai..

Third problem pronunciations ki hai...aap male ko female aur fenale ko male sambodhit kar rahe ho...isse samajh me nahi ayega ki ladka koun hai aur ladki koun...?

Ek baat aur kahna chahunga dost...updates me picture add karne ki jagah story par jyada focus karo...kyon ki badhiya writer vahi hai jo apni kahani aur usme likhe shabdo se reader's ke dil aur dimag par uss ghatna ka sketch bana de..

Otherwise, aapki story mast hai...
Meri wishes aapke sath hain...aapki kahani har pathak ke dil par ek amit chhap chhod kar jaye.