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Horror Maut ka Aatank...!!!

Milan2010

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kaise akal ke andhe hai yeh dono... .. isharo se baat karte dono... simple :sigh:
hmm toh woh joh bhi hain ush ne atank machane us ghar pe aa gaya... Kamal hai Sonali abhi tak so rahi hai... Over smart sid bhi gayab..
Khair let's see what happens next
Brilliant update with awesome writing skill milu ji :applause: :applause:
:thanks: Naina ji :dost:
jaankar acha laga ki aapko update pasand aaya
hehehe..ab apke jese smart log nahi haina voh...aap unhe samja deti toh acha hota :D
aaj kuch dhamaal hoga
 
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Milan2010

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4 update padhe bhai.
charon update mein se sirf ek scene aisa tha jo genuinly acha likha tha aur vo tha aryan ka jeep mein jana vo bhi us paart tak jab kutta rota hai aur aryan ghabra jata hai.

Dikkat mujhe ye lag rahi hai ki kahani ki pace thodi jada hai. horror jitna slow hoga vo utna behtarin hoga. Aap kahani mei se extra part nikal kar use mat likho par jo horror scene hai use thoda slow karo jaise aryan jeep mein vapis baitha aur vo chalu thi ye bht jaldi likh dia apne. Jaise vo utra, yahan likhte ki usne gadhi bandh ki aur vo bahar nikla. Bich sadak mein khada usne pehle dono aaur jungle ki taraf dekha aur phir jeep ke samne aya. Andhera aur thand is kadar tha ki uska dil zoron se dhadak raha tha. Kuch aisa slow pace mein likho wahi horror hai.

Waise dekhte hain akhir jungle kya hai paid udd rahe hai.... Aage padta hu
:thanks: thank u so much harshit1890 bhai :dost:
bhai sach me jaankar acha laga ki aapko story achi lag rahi hai :bow:
samaj gaya bhai aap kya kehna chahte hai...aaj maine update likha hai voh agar aap free hai toh padhiyega
maine aapne bataye hue idea ka dhyaan rakhkar aaj ka update likha hai

bilkul bhai saath bane rahiye :dost:
:waiting: for more feedback on the story
 

Milan2010

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Update : 21 (Kaisa hai yeh Mayajhal)

Tabhi achanak se chhhhhhhhhinnnnnnn chhhhhhhhhhrrrrrr awaaz karte hue ghar ka darwaaza apne aap khulne laga..aur jese jese darwaaja khul raha tha vese vese Shreya ki aankhe badi hoti challi gayi..aur ek waqt aaya tab Shreya khud ko rok nahi paayi aur jor se chillane lagi

Ab aage….

Jese jese voh darwaaza khul raha tha, Shreya ke dil ki dhadkane badhti jaa rahi thi, darr ek aisa ehsaas hai jo kisi bhi insaan ko hila sakta hai..aur jab aapko yeh pata ho Jungle me kya ho raha hai uske baad dar badhna swabhawik hai
Shreya ke liye iss pal me khud ko sambhalna muskil hote jaa raha tha..baar baar use apni dost ki dard bhari awaaz kaano me gunj rah thi..lekin naa toh voh use dekh paa rahi thi aur naa uski awaaz ko apne jehan se nikal paa rahi hai

Thand apne charam seema par pahuch chuki thi, jese jese darwaza khul raha tha vese vese thandi haawa ke joke Shreya ke chehre par padte aur uska pura sharir dard aur thand dono ke maare sihar uthta

Jab voh darwaaza puri tarah khul gaya toh Shreyashi ke samne ek dil dehla dene vala manjar aaya, uski aankhe jo dekh rahi thi use samajna shayad uske ke liye asadharan sa tha..kyunki dil kuch keh raha tha toh dimaag kuch..samne ho rahi gatividhayo ko dekh Shreya ka dil baitha jaa raha tha aur saath me gussa bhi apne charam seema par pahcuchne laga
Shreya bina apni palke japkaaye unn dono ko dekh rahi thi..lekin voh uski pida sehan nahi kar paati aur voh apne jagah se uthkar bhagti hui unn dono ke pass pahuch gayi

Jese jese voh uske karib pahuch rahi the..vese hi uss ladki ki cheekhe dard ki vajah se badhti chali gayi..shreya badi muskil se Aashi ki ijaazat lut te dekh rahi thi…aur aisa karne vala aur koi nahi voh ladka tha jisse Aashi pyaar karti thi..aur shreyashi ka sabse acha dost tha

Rahul khud nahi jaanta tha ki voh aisa kyu kar raha hai..lekin voh naa chahkar bhi Aashi ke saath voh kar raha tha jisse ab unn dono ki jindagiya badalne vali thi

Aankhe jo manjaar dekh rahi thi use dimaag sehmat ho raha tha..lekin Shreya ka dil yeh maane ko bilkul bhi taiyaar nahi tha ki jo uski aankhe dekh rahi hai voh sach hai

Aashi ne fir ek baar rote hue Shreya ko madad ke liye pukara “please Shreya….help me” lekin uska dhyaan abhi tak Shreya par nahi gaya tha

Akshar kehte haina ki aankho dekha haal aur apne dost ki pida ke aage aur kuch nahi dikhata, Shreya unke pass pahuchte hi Rahul ko kandhe se pakadti hai aur apna pura jor lagakar Rahul ko aashi se alag kar deti hai

Achanak se hue hamle se Rahul khud ko sambhal nahi paaya aur voh pass me gir pada

Shreya ki najar ek pal ke liye bhi Aashi ke chehre se nahi hati thi..chehre pura uske aansuo se bheeg chukka tha, aur chehra bheegne ki vajah se zameen par raha kachra se dhak gaya tha
Aur uske baad jab Shreya ne thoda niche dekha toh Aashi ke kapde kahi kahi jagah se fate hue the aur haatho me kahi jagah par khoon jamne ki vajah se kaale dhabbe pad gayi the

Aashi ki yeh haalat dekhkar Shreya khud ko control nahi kar paati aur voh Rahul ke pass jaati hai jo abtak khada ho gaya tha..usne Shreya ko aajse pehle itne gusse me kabhi nahi dekha tha..usne bolne ke liye jese hi apne hoth hilaye usse pehle hi uss jagah ek jordar tamache ki awaaz gunj uthi aur Rahul yeh samaj nahi paaya ki Shreya ne uske saath aisa kyu kiya..par Shreya itne me hi nahi ruke..voh ek ke baad ek tamache marti jaa rahi thi

Shreya bahut hi gusse me “saalleee, kyu kiya tune aisa..?? tu dost nahi dushman hai..rakshash hai tu, aashi ke saath yeh karne ki teri himmat kese hui”

Par shayad aaj vakahi me Shreya ki kismat kharab thi, Sid uske pass aate hue bola “Shreya, tu Rahul ko kyu daant rahi hai, voh bichara toh khud aashi ko lekar khud pareshan hai”

Sid ki awaaz sunkar ek baad toh vaha rahe tino log dar jaate hai, kyunki Sid ki awaaz kaafi alag thi..aisa lag raha tha mano koi ladki aur ladka ek saath bol rahe hai
Shreya uski aur mudte hue dekhti hai toh voh chaunk jaati hai..kyunki Sid abhi kaafi alag dikh raha tha..badi badi laal aankhe, ekdum gehri gehri saanse kaafi jor se le raha tha..aur uska pura sharir halka nila pad gaya tha

Shreya atak te hue puchti hai “tuje kya hua..??”

Sid vese hi alag awaaz me “muje kya hoga”

Aashi bhi darte hue Shreya ke pass aati hai aur uske gale lagte hue “please Shreya, I need to go home, muje yanha ab nahi rukna” voh joro se rote hue bolti hai

Shreya uske sar par haath firate hue “aashi kuch nahi hoga, mai huna, hum abhi ghar jaayenge..ek pal ke liye ab yanha nahi rukenge”

Pata nahi sid ko kya hua ki voh ekdum se gusse me aagaya aur teji se bhari bharkham awaaz me chillate hue bola “nahi..nahi, koi nahi jayega..mai kisi ko bhi aaj yanha se jaane nahi dunga”

Sid ki esi badli hui awaaz sunkar Aashi aur Shreya dar jaati hai, khair Shreya se jyada dari hui aashi thi
Rahul “yeh tu kya bol raha hai mere bhai..?? aur tuje hua kya hai” voh chalte hue Sid ke pass gaya

Lekin voh sid hota tab jawaab deta, usne turant hi Rahul ko gale se pakad kar hawa me uthaya aur fir ek shaitani hasi haste hue aashi ki aur dekhne laga
Sid ke daant puri tarah se sadkar kaale pad chuke the..aur unn daato ke bich me chipa chipa sa halke hare rang ka thook use darawane ke saath ghinhone bhi kar raha tha

Shreya ko yeh dekhkar ulti jesa hone laga, tabhi Sid vese hi alag awaaz me “hihihihi, isi sharir ne tera maja chakha thana” fir usne dusre haath ko Rahul ke chatti par rakha “yahi se pyaar karta haina” usne Rahul ki aur dekhte hue bola

Rahul haklate hue “tu kya bol raha hai mere bhai” voh apne aap ko chudane ki puri koshish karne laga..baar baar voh sid ke haatho par vaar kar raha tha jisse usne hawa me uthaya hua tha
Par Sid ko rahula ka yeh bartaav pasand nahi aaya, usne Rahul ke gale me apni pakad aur majboot kardi aur use hawa me aur upar uthaya aur fir aashi ki aur dekhte hue usne apne haath ko upar uthaya aur use dekhkne laga

Dheere dheere karte hue Sid ke haatho ke naakhun badhne lage, jese jese naakhun badh rahe the vese vese Sid ke chehre par shaitani muskaan badhne lagi..aru fir voh apna muh kholkar apni jeebh ko bahar nikalta hai aur Rahul ke pure chehre par firane lage

Shreya aur Aashi ko samaj nahi aa raha tha ki Sid ke saath achanak se yeh kya ho raha hai..aur kisi insaan ko jibh itni bahar kese nikal sakti hai..kyunki Sid aur Rahul ke chehre kaafi dur the

Rahul samaj jaata hai ki uske saath kya hone vala..use ab yeh bhi samaj aagaya tha ki aakhir me Aashi aisa bartaav kyu kar rahi the..aur use yeh bhi samaj me aagaya ki inn dono ke sath konsa khel khela gaya tha, Rahul ne badi muskil se band ho rahi aankho se ek aakhri baar Aashi ki aankho me dekha “I am sorry, I love you, Run” voh haklate hue kehta hai

Ek pal ke liye Aashi aur Shreyashi dono hi Rahul ki baat sunkar dang reh jaati hai, unhe samaj nahi aa raha tha Rahul ke kehne ka matlab kya tha..lekin use samaj ne ke liye bhi unhe jyada intezaar nahi karna pada

Rahul ki iss bartaav se Sid ka gussa fut padta hai, Rahul ke gale par apni pakad majbut karte hue voh ghurr rane laga, uske aisa karne par Rahul ke gale se dheere dheere khoon nikalne laga..Rahul dard ke maare tadap ne laga tha..jo jor voh apne aap ko chudane me laga raha tha voh ab kamjoor hone laga tha
Sid “maja aata hai tum insaano ko ese tadapta dekhkar” aur fir usne ek aur baar Rahul ke chehre par apni jibh firayi aur “yummmmm” aur usne aashi ki aur dekhte hue apne haatho ko joro se Rahul ki chaati me ghusaya aur ek hi jatke me apne haath ko bahar nikal diya

Sid ke aisa karne par Rahul joro se chatpatane laga, dard itne ho raha tha ki uske aankho se aansu nikal aaye the..rahul ne dard ke maare chikhne ke liye apna mooh tak khola lekin uski awaaz bahar naa nikalkar uske gale me hi rah gayi aur fir tadapte hue hi usne Sid ke haatho me apna dam tod diya

Sid ne Rahul ke sharir ko vahi baaju me faink diya aur Aashi ki dekhte hue usne apna haath badhaya..Aashi yeh manjar dekh nahi paati hai aur usne turant hi joro se apni aankhe bheench leti hai

Sid ke haatho me Rahul ka dhadakta hua dil thaa..lekin dheere dheere karte hue uss dil ne dhadakna band kar diya..aur dil se beh rahe khoon ne Sid ke pure haath ko laal rang me rang diya tha

Sid vese Rahul ke dil ko dikhate hue dheere dheere chalkar Aashi ke pass aata hai aur fir jhapakar Aashi ke baalo ko piche se pakad leta hai aur use khichne laga
Vahi aashi iss baat se bilkul anjaan thi ki Sid uske pass aachuka hai, achanak se hue hamle se Aashi ki ek dardnak cheekh nikal jaati hai “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Use iss kaadar dard hota hai ki uske cheekh ke saath aankho se fir ek baar aansu nikal aate hai, sid uske baalo ko aur khichte hue bola “aankh khooollllll”

Aashi kya naa karti, usne jese hi aankh kholi Sid ka bhayanak ganda sa chehra fir samne aaya..voh abhi bhi vese hi muskurte hue bola “yahi voh dil haina jisse tu pyaar karti thi” aur fir usne dheere dheere karte hue Rahul ke dil ko apne muh ke pass liya aur ek hi jatke me aadhe dil ko chabakar khaane lag gaya

Aashi yeh sab dekh nahi paati hai aur turant hi apni aankho ko band kar deti hai, vahi dusri aur Shreya abtak jo bhoot bane khade thi usne turant hi vahi par ulti kar di jiske kuch chinte Sid ke upar bhi gire

Sid yeh bardasst nahi kar paata toh usne joro se Shreya ke pait me ek laat maari aur firse voh Aashi ki aur dekhne laga
Shreya iss vaar ko sambhal nahi paati hai aur vahi par apne ghutno ke bal gir jaati hai..Sid ke laat ka vaar itna jabardast tha ki Shreya ke muh se khoon ki ultiya ho jaati hai

Sid fir ekdum se aashi ke karib aata hai aur aashi ke chehre par apni jibh se firane laga, ab aashi ke liye yeh bardasht karna muskil ho jaata hai aur voh uski pakad me hi behosh ho jaati hai
Aashi ke behosh hote hi Sid aisa behave karne laga jesa uska pura maja hi bagad gaya ho “shiittt, maja aa raha tha” fir usne Shreya ki aur dekhkar haste hue kaha “sabki baari aayegi” aur fir turant hi usne Aashi ko baalo ko khichkar uske sar se alag kar diya

Behosh hone bawjood bhi aashi uss ashaniya dard se bach nahi paayi aur ek dard bhari chikh uss pure jungle me gunj uthti hai
Aashi ke sar se khoon futne laga..aur Sid maje se uss khoon ko chat te hue pee raha tha..aur vahi aashi uske haatho me dard ke maare me bahut jyada tadap rahi thi

Fir achanak se sid ne aashi ko uthakar Shreya ke pass faink diya aur voh joro se hasne laga
Shreya apni parwah kiye bina turant hi aashi ko aapni gaud me liya aur rote hue “aashi, please hang on”

Shreya ko ab samaj me aagaya tha ki unn sab ke saath kya ho raha hai, voh bina sid ki aur dekhe hue kehti hai “kyu..?? kyu kar rahe ho tum asia, kya biagada hai humne tumhara”

Shreya ki dard bhari awaaz sunkar Sid muskurana band kar deta hai, aur voh Shreya ki aur dekhte hue “sabkuch, koi nahi bachega” ghurrate hue usne jawab diya

Uske baad Sid ne hawa me ek chalang lagayi aur udte hue Shreya ke pass aaya aur usne Shreya ke uss haath ko pakda jo abhi Aashi ke sar par tha
Sid ne bina der kiya hue Shreya ke haath ko jor se khicha aur Shreya ki dardnak chikh ke saath voh haath uske sharir se alag ho gaya

Shreya roti rahi chillati rahi..lekin uski madad karne vala koi nahi tha, aur Sid ne bhi Shreya par julm karne me koi kasar nahi chodi..usne Shreya ke saath voh sab kiya jisse ek ladki ki ijjat judi hoti hai


“kya..?? Aashi aur Rahul ghar ke samne the..??” Aryan chaunkte hue puchta hai

Sonali “haa inspector, jab meri aankh khuli tab mai hospital me thi, lekin papa ne yeh bataya ki unn charo ki laash uss tute hue ghar ke samne hi padi thi”

Aryan sawaliya bhari najro se dekhte hue “par aapne toh yeh kaha tha ki Rahul aur aashi aapke saath nahi the”

Sonali “yahi toh baat muje bhi pareshan kar rahi thi..lekin papa ne muje yahi bataya ki unn charo ki laash vahi thi”

Aryan sonali ki baat ko samaj nahi paa raha tha, voh apna sawaal firse dohrata hai “aapko kuch bhi nahi pata ki aakhir me unn charo ke saath kya hua tha..??”

Sonali “nahi inspector, muje toh yeh bhi nahi pata ki mai behos kese hui thi” voh thodi ruansi hote hue bolti hai

Aryan apne baalo ko khujate hue kehta hai “fir..fir kya hua..??”

Sonali “muje bilkul bhi yakeen nahi ho raha tha, maine papa se bhi kahi baar puchne ka try kiya”

Sonali “papa, kya hua tha Shreya ke saath..?? kisne maara hai use”

Vikram “yeh baat raaj hi rahe toh acha hai, mai nahi chahta ki yeh baahar valo ko pata chale”

Sonali “par papa, kyu..?? aap kyu nahi chahte ki Shreya ke khooni ko kadi se kadi saja mile” usne rote hue bola

Vikram “saja use de sakte hai jiska astitiva ho..jo jinda ho” aur fir voh uske kamre se nikal jaata hai

Aryan “koi bhi baap apne beti ki maut ke hatyaaro ko kyu bachana chahega, aur kyu apni hi beti ki maut iss kadar chupa raha hai”

Sonali “muje bhi aisa hi tha, papa ne police ki madad lene se saaf inkaar kar diya tha, isliye maine faisla kiya ki mai khud Police se madad mangungi”

“helloo” inspector ne pick karte hue kaha

Sonali “aayush, muje aapki madad chahiye”

Ayush “haa boliye na”

Sonali “mai yanha nahi keh sakti, kya hum mil sakte hai..?? akele” usne thodi ruansi awaaz me kaha

Ayush “baat kya hai sonali..?? sab thik toh haina”

Sonali “aayush, mai abhi kuch nahi bata sakti, milkar sab bataungi, but please papa ko iss baare me pata nahi chalna chahiye”

Ayush “thik hai, hum kuch der baad gaanv ke bahar milte hai”

Sonali “nahi, gaanv ke aaspass nahi, hum Mussoorie me milte hai”

Ayush “thik hai”

Dusre din Sonali aur Aayush Mussorrie me milte hai
Ayush “haa bolo, kya baat hai..??”

Sonali “ayush..shreyashi, voh” kehte hue voh ayush ke gale lag jaati hai aur jor jor se rone lagi

Aayush samaj jaata hai ki sonali kya bolna chahti hai “kisne maara..??”

Sonali use sabkuch bata deti hai jise sunkar Ayush “don’t worry, hum dubaara uss jagah jayenge, lekin uske pehle muje kisi se milna hoga”

To be continued…
 

Kirti.s

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Bhayank update milan ji
In charo ko samjhne mein kafi samay lg gya ki akhir inke sath kya ho rha hai.Shreya or aashi ko bht dardanak maut mili.Aaryan kbhi kbhi dhakan ki tarah baatein krta hai use ab bhi yhi lg rha hai ki ye sb koi insaan kr rha hai na jaane use kb samjh ayega ki is sb ke piche koi dusri wajah hai.
 
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harshit1890

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9 update padhe bhai... Mujhe kuch atpata sa lag raha hai. Jaisa har baar ek hi chiz jada ho rahi ho.
Police ko nahi pata kitne khun hue to file mein kya dhund rahe the.?
Kiske hue agar vo gaon ke log the to missing ki report ayi hgi police ke pas ghar ghar jane ki kya jarurat?
Aryan ka Postmartam ke liye hospital itni betabi se ana aur kisliye details ke liye jo ki vo pehle hi de chuka tha jise aryan padh chuka.
Over all kahani khinch rahi hai. Pointless ban rahi hai. Apka main plot kahani se missing hai aur police mein jada kho gaya hai.
Kuch kuch scene ache hte hain baki stry ka koi center line nahi jam raha. Meri ray yahi hai ki aap kahani ke plot par focus karo. 9 update mein shayad jeep walle scene ke alawa chilling wali feel jo horror se ati hai vo missing lagi. Baki aap likh chuke ho aage pata nahi kya hoga. Yahan tak mjhe kahani ko lekar yahi laga.

Will read further
 

harshit1890

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Update 11 tak padha.

Kosish ki gayi ek khaufank khel dikhane ki par bikhar si gayi.
Ek pal rakesh ped ki tehni par latka agle hi vo bhag raha tha.
Sab chracters ko lekar ek sath jodne par aap sabhi ko dikhane ki kosish kar rahe ho.
Imagination powerful karne ke baad bhi scene tut rahe the.
Mushkil hai par dhire-dhire us chiz ko likho. Khud pado aap tab lagega ki ek para mei kahani tutti hai phir judti hai.

Aage padhtahun
 

harshit1890

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Overdramatic ban rahi hai bhai kahani, update 13 tak.
Wahi kahunga kahani ek hi jagah aur ek hi dialog mein ghum rahi hai.
Adhe se jada chizen plot ko hata deti hai.

Aage padunga baad mein
 

Naina

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arre kahin woh bhoot ke aad mein buddha sarpanch toh nahi joh shreya, aashi ke sath woh sab kar diya aur sath mein rahul, sid ka bhi kaam tamam kar diya :lol:
ushe kaise pata chala kaise maare gaye yeh log.. live show dekh raha tha kya buddha wahan :budhau:definitely wohin tharki buddha hain insab ke piche :D lagta hain buddha mansaharee hain :D
Khair
Let's see what happens next
Brilliant update with awesome writing skill milu ji :applause: :applause:
 
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Milan2010

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Bhayank update milan ji
In charo ko samjhne mein kafi samay lg gya ki akhir inke sath kya ho rha hai.Shreya or aashi ko bht dardanak maut mili.Aaryan kbhi kbhi dhakan ki tarah baatein krta hai use ab bhi yhi lg rha hai ki ye sb koi insaan kr rha hai na jaane use kb samjh ayega ki is sb ke piche koi dusri wajah hai.
:thanks: Kirti.s ji :dost:
haa kya kare, ab hai toh insaan hi na..jaldi samaj jaate toh aaj coronovirus nahi aata :verysad:
ab aryan bhi toh insaan hi haina :D
 
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