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Romance TANHAI KE SAHARE

fnd, this is my 1st story to bataiye mujhe kya imrovement karni he .and plz rate my writing


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Pappu roy

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Waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting bhai
 
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Nevil singh

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HI,
Bhai log ye meri peheli story hogi .abhi bhi complete draft nahini banaya hai maine par post karneka soch raha hun plz mujhe batana kaisa lag raha he ..aaj tak sirf story read kiya he . kasam se mujhe to adha function bhi nahini pata ki kaise post aur usse edit hota he .par try karne maine kya rakha he . pata bohat galtiyan hogi par aap logo mujhe bata dena plz ki kya galti he aur mujhe kya sudharni he ..


Character Introduction
  • RB (story hero.par ye alag RB he maine nahini hun .maine sirf naam laga diya apna waise bhi na hi sakal hero jaisi he na hi koi character ,comedian jada lagta hu.:respekt:)
  • Swati Dibang(han yehi he wo jiske liye itna lamba story likhna pad raha he i mean story heroine )
  • Sushil Dibang(swati"s father , hitler sala )
  • Sarita DIbang(bole toh hero ki sashumaa "honewali")
  • Sachin Dibang& Sourabh Dibang( sala relation wala nahini re .Bhai log a wo bale Sala he jise dekh ke sab ku munh se sirf yehi nikalta he "chal bsdk" .unfortunately swati's brother )
  • vikram(vicky, RB ka best friend kuch jada hi handsome aur utna bada wala **** bhi he apne aap ko teesmaar khan ka baap samajh ta he par hamesha moonh ki khata he )
Ab ye mat poochna ki hero ki parents ki details kyun nahin he . aare bhai jab story maine hero ka hi dhang ka 10 -12 dailogue nahini honge to uske parents ke details kyun diya jaye .baki jaroorat padne pe details de denge usmaine kya he .

★ INDEX ★

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laajwaab bhai
 

Nevil singh

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pics credit::thebridalbox
TANHAI KE SAHARE

Update No 1


Jindegi aur pyar do aise shabd he jinka asli matlab aaj tak koi nahini jaan paya . Koi pyar ko jindegi ke liye kurbaan kardeta he toh koi jindegi ko pyar ke liye ,par inlogon se bhi kharab naseeb un logon ka hota he jo naki jindegi ko chod pate haine na hi pyar ko . Ye kahani bhi aise hi do pyar karne walonki he naki pyar ko chun paye na hi jindegi . shayad ye line galat bhi ho sakti he aur ye sab naseeb ka khel ho sak ta he .

Delhi ka ek sunsana area road ke kinare ek ladki ki aankh khulti he badi muskil maine wo dekh paa rahi thi kuch dhundla dhudla dikhne bhi laga tha . december ka mahina tha to kohra toh bohat tha , wo ladki apni halat ka jayeja le rahi thi ki kanha he kyun he aur andhere maine iss halat maine road side maine khud ko paake akele ladki ki halat kya ho sakti he ye toh sabdo maine bhi bayan nahini kiya ja sakta .

Dhire dhire usse sab yaad aane lagta he ki kaise nashe ki halat maine apne doston ke sath party ke baad aate time achanak unlogon ke bich jgada suru hogaya . Ek toh full nashe ki halt maine tun upar se jhagda jo ki thodi der maine hata payee ka roop le liya phir sab blamk jab hosh aaya toh road ke kinare .

Kisi tarha wo apne halat ko thik karke beth jati he aur apne phone aur clutch dhoondni lagti he par natoh usse phone milta he nahi clutch . kuch der waise hi bethne ke baad wo khadi hoti he toh uski chikh nikal jatti he uski per maine bohat chot lagi hoti he aur uss se khadi bhi nahini ho jaa rahi hoti he ,kisi tarah wo road ke pass aati he aur bas khusk aankhon se road ke dono aur dekhti he ki usse koi gadi mil jaye aur wo lift le sake . Apni puri jindegi ki flash back uske samne wanhi khadi khadi chalne lagti he wo kya thi aur aaj ky aban gayee he . Maa Sarita aur Pita Sushil DIwang ki ladli beti , apni dono bhai sourabh aur sachin ki ladli behna “SWATI DIWANG “ .
maa baap ke paas paison ki koi kami nahini he toh jahir bat he ki bachpan se kafi lad se badhi he .bachpan se sapna tha uski ki jindegi ko apane hisab se jeena he society se hat ke apne dil maine jo aaye wo karna he . Par phir bhi hamesha down to earth rehene wali dusron ki khayal karne wali sweet & perfect ladki . par wo kanha sochi thi ki jindegi aaj usse ek selfish ,drug addict ,don’t care attitude wali ladki bana degi . wo bhi khud bhi na janti thi ki ye jindegi ko usne chuna ya ye ayash life style ne usse .yehi sab uske aankon ke samne se gujar rahe the . aaj pehli baar usse apne jindegi pe saram aari thi ya pehli baar wo pane andar jhank rahi thi . Iss halat maine wo aaj dekh paa rahi thi ki akela hona kya hota he dusron ko dard dena kya hota he . shayad isiliye aaj kisiko uski phikar nahinihe jo usse aadhi rat ko dhunde ki wo kanha gayee he kya hua he , phone kare ,gali de ,haq jataye .


bahtreen bhai
 

Nevil singh

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Update No 2
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Ghar wale toh apne life style maine busy he unko iske life se koi matlab nahini he sir ek Maa jo rokti he jinki baat usssne aaj tak nahini suna . Han koi ho sakta tha uski bhi jindegi maine Jo sirf uski fikar kare ,jaroorat padne pe sath khade ho ke himmat de par ussne aaj tak itnoke dil ke sath jo khela tha kuchla tha to aaj koi iska friend bhi nahini tha . Han dost toh the wo sirf party aur club ke liye gam bantne ya shaulat dene ko nahini . aaj apne sare karma uske aankon se aansoo banke nikal rahe the .

Tabhi usse ek car aatihui dikhayi deti he . toh wo apni hath dikhake lift mangti he .wo car thodi dur jaake rukti he . Toh wo car ki aur badhti he tabhi door khulta he andar do aadmi the lagbhag 40-45 saal ke .toh swati unhe sari haal batati he aur aage bus stand tak ya main road tak chod deneki request karti he .

Tab wo dono aadmi usse bethne ko bolte hine aur kanha jaana he puch ke ,pine ke liye paani dete haine . Aaj ye normal bisleri bottle ki pani usse apne jindegi ki sabse pyaari aur swadist mitha lagta he . wo apne kismat pe has rahi thi ki kaise jo ladki aaj tak roti ki value pani ki value na jaan thi bhuk kya he pyaas kya he uski asli keemat pehchan thi. Par aaj simple pani ka bhi mehak rah tha aur mith mitha lag rah tha . bas aankh band karke wo ahi sab soch rahi thi kya iss se bhi bura uski jindegi ho sakti he ???


Jab aankh khulti he to apne aap ko wo kisi kamre maine chair se bandhi hui pati he .Ek pal ko usse lagta he wo sapna dekh rahi he par jab khud ko chimti katne ki koshish karne k liye apnihath uthati he to pata chlta he ki wo toh sach maine bandhi hui he . Pal bhar maine sab kuch uski aankh ke samne se gujar jata he .ab wo jaan jati he ki jis pani ki mehak ko wo apni beham samjh rahi thi wo actually sleeping pill mile hue the . tabhi samne ka gate khulta he qur phir light jalne ki roshni . hamesh club ki roshni ko dekhne wali aankhe aaj led aur tube light ki roshni se dar rahi thi .



manmohak update bhai
 

Nevil singh

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Update No 3
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Samne wohi char aadmi khade the jin maine se do wohi the jinse usne lift mangi thi . apne aap ko iss halat maine aur unlogon ke haton maine daru ki bottel dekh ke usse pata chal jaata he uske sath kya hone wala he . wo bohat minnate karti he ki usse chod diya jaye . wo chilati he kasmaine deti he .roti he bilbilati he par koi faida nahini aaj uski awaj sun ne ko wanha koi nahini tha wo charon ne wari wari se uski izzat ki chithde uda diye . wo rotee rahi ek pal to aisa aagaya ki usski awaj nikalna hi band hogayee .shayad wo apne kisamt ko maan liya tha .

Par shayad ye uski bbhul thi kyun ki ab wo darinde usse chilane ko bol rahe thi aaj uski dard unhe maja derahi thi .phir najaane kitne cigarette se jalne ki nishan blade se katne ki nishan uske sarir maine padte gaye .Do din tak uske sath jo hua shayad jahnum maine bhi aisa kisike sath na hota hoga . uske baad wo log usse leke kanhi phek ke chale gaye .


Aaj phir se wohi ho rah tha jo ek baar ho chuka tha anjane sadak maine raat ki andhere maine aankh khulna par iss baar swati ke sarir maine itni taqat hi nahini thi ki wo apne aankh bhi khol sake aise hi pade pade ghante bit gaye abtoh wo jine ki umeeed bhi chod chuki thi .ghant baad wo ek faisla leti he ki ab wo jeeke kya karegi faida kya ab ye jindegi ka ab wo yeh jindegi ko khatam kar degi .jis sharir maine abhi aankh bhi kholne ki himmat nahini thi ab wo hilne lagi thi “ pata nahini jindegi jeene ke liye logon ke pass jo taqat nahini hoti he wo jindegi ko khatam karne ke time aajati he “ . kafi koshis ke bad wo uth ke beth jaati he par uske munh se nikli chikh us sunsan sadak aur aas paas ki khet maine thodi der ke liye shanti bhang kar leti he . uski vagina maine itna dard ho rah tha ki ussse beth nahini jaa raha tha .

Par kya hena ab uske dilmiane sharir ke har pida ko khatam karne ka raast aa chuka th auske samne kuch der ki taqleef kuch nahini yehi soch ke pass ki ek ped ki sahara lete hue wo khadi hoti he .

Ab uski bas ek hi maqsad tha kaise bhi karke pass ke road tak ponhachna aur aati hui koi gadi ke samne apni iss jindegi ko bhet chada dena .


Kafi kas-ma-kas ke baad wo road taq ponhach jaati he tabhi usse ek car aati hui usse dikhayee deti he ek aakhiri hashi uski chere pe aaa jati he . shayad aaj wo hashi bhi samjh nahini pari thi log hamesha khusi ki aansoo ki baat kar te haine par koi kabhi gam ki hasi ki baat nahini karta jab ki ismaine duniya bhar ka dard chupa rehta he . Ab wo car aur pass aane lagti he . ab swati maine itne bhi himat nahini thi ki wo ke chalke car ke samne jaa sake kya pata wo car wala usse dekhke car rok de . Isiliye wo apni puri taqat lagake car ke samne jump laga deti he . par shayad uski kismat ko ye manjoor nahini tha ya uske sarir ke halat ki wo car ke aage tak na ponhach ke side maine gir gayee . wo car wala apne car ke samne kisi ko kudt adekh ke jor se turn leke break maar leta he jis se car ghasit te hue pass ke khet maine jaa ghus ti he .



manmohak update bhai
 

Nevil singh

Well-Known Member
21,150
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173
Update No 4
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Ab uss gadi ka gate khulta he pareshan aur ghabrake ek ladka nikal ta he . usse lagta he ki usene uss bande ko maar diya jisne uske gadi ke aage kuda tha .par jab wo road ke upar aata he toh uske hosh hi ud jati he kyun ki road pe koi aadmi nahini ek ladki wo bhi bina kapde ki padi hui he . ladka khud se bolta he beta RB tere toh ache se lag gaye bhai ! .phir wo ladki ke pass jata he ye dekhne ke liye ki wo jinda he ya nahini ladki munh ke bal giri thi par uske halat dekh ke RB samajh jata he ki uss ladki ke sath kya hua he .ab kya kare kya nakre police ko phone kare ya nahini yehi ho sochta rehta he . phir wo check karta he ki ladki jinda he ki nahini naseeb se uski sanse ab bhi chal rahi thi . pehle toh uske dimag maine khayal aat he ki ambulance ko phone karke yanha se bhag jaye .par phir sochta he aacident ka case banjayega aur wo fash jayega aur ladki ki jo halat he shatyad rape charge bhi lag jaye . phir wo sochta he iss ladki ko pehle road ke side le jaaat hun phir sochunga kya karna he . jab wo uss ladki ko uthane ke liye jaata he usse thoda ajib lagta he ek toh ladki upar se bina kapde ke aur wo bhi iss haalat maine .par karna to tha to usne fir uss ladki ko uthane ke sidha kiya aur ladki ke chere ko dekhte he uske gale se ek bhayanak cheekh nikalti he jo ki aas paas ki mahol maine dhire dhire ghul mil jati he bas piche chod jaati he to aankhon maine aansoo aur subakta hua aawaj .. RB ko yakeen hi nahini ho rah tha ki ye swati he aur uske sath aisa hua he . aaj uske dil ro raha tha kyun ki uska ka pyar aur usaka dil ki dhadkan aaj uske samne iss halat maine padi thi .


Jab thoda usse hosh aat he toh wo bhag ke apne car ke pass jata he aur car ko road pe lane ki koshis karta he par car start hi nahini hota he .phir ho apne phone car se niklta he aur ambulane ko phone karta he . aur bhag ke swati ke pass jata he aur apne shirt nikal ke swati ko odh det ahe . tabhi kuch time baad ambulance aa jati he aur wo swati ko leke ambulance main e hospital le jata he . Aur dr ko request kart ahe ki swati ko admi karne ke liye par jaisa hamre desh maine hota he ki chahe patient mar jaye par police complian pehli honi hogi .. dr sunta hi nahini he . naseeb se wanha pe ek police inspector apne kisi relative ko visit karne aay hota he .. wo dr ko bolta he jaldi treatment karne ke liye .tab jaake swati ko Dr OT maine leti haie . RB poolice wale ko sab bata ta he ki kya aur kaise hua he . police wala usse bolta he ki tum iss ladki ko yanha se le jao kyunki agar police case hui toh oolta tumhe hi phasa denge log kyun ki jo ek ladki sath aisa kar sakte haine wo kanoon ko easily kharid sakte haine . karib 2 ghante baad swati ki treatment puri . subha ke 4 baj agye the par abhi bhi wo inspector wanha se gaya nahini tha . wo barabar RB ko samjha rah tha ki usse aage ky akarna he police karbai se bachne ke liye .


Phir subha ke 8 baje hi Dr.ke mana karte hue bhi RB aur police inspector ne swwati ko discharged karake ambaulance maine RB ke ghar bhej deta hae. Aur ek RB ke ghar pe hi uska ilaj karne ka salha deta he .

RB swati ko leke ghar to aajata he par ab usse samjh nahini aa raha tha ki kya kare . gam manaye , roye .itne salon baad swati ke milne pe khush ho ya uske halat pe roye . Par wo apne gam ko bhula ke swati ke dekh bhal maine lag jaata he . apne office se wo emergeny chutti le leta he . ek nurse bhi lagadeta he wo aur ek private Dr jo har din aaak eswati ko check up kar jati thi . Obviously who police wala hi ye sab arrange kiya hua tha . Aaj lag bhag 5 dinke baad swati ko hosh aaya tha . par wo sirf aankh khol ke dekh rahi thi .shayad uske dimag abbhi is kabil nahini hua tha ki wo ye bhi jaane ki kosis kare ki wo kanha, kaise aai kuch bhi . agar chahti bhi to bhi uske juban uske sath na de pata kuch puchne ko .
lovely update bhai
 
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