Shetan
Well-Known Member
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Bahot bahot shukriya. Thoda komalji ko mashaka laga rahi huवाह... क्या कविता लिखी है....
Adultery छुटकी - होली दीदी की ससुराल में
- Thread starterkomaalrani
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मामा के जने तो दोनों भई बहन हैं , माँ ने कभी अपने दोनों बच्चो में भेद थोड़े किया है
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itne dino ka udhaar bhi to hai, sood samet bahna vasoolegi
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ekdam galat baat hai par Bahan to Bhai ko uksa rhi thi Maa ke lie aur maan ne ulte usi ke PICHE laaga dia hai Bhai ko
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ye baat aapne ekdam sahi kahi Ghar ki baat GHar men rahegi aapki stories ki ek ek line ki tarah aapke cooment ekdam satik hote hain Bulls Eye
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Beti badi ho gayi aur maan bhi ab use saheli ka draja de rahi hain,... Thanks so much aapk eek ek words mujhe support karte hain encourage karte hainBahut khul kar ek duje ko mard ke neeche a kar anandit hone ki bat kar rahi hai ma beti.Kya adbhut update hai didi.
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Didi tum mujhe jyada hi siir chadha rahi ho.
Me kese tum jesi gr8 writer ko encourage kar sakti hu.
Tum ne punjabi ka ek gana suna hoga
"Change chahe mare halat vich rakhi ,
Mennu mere malaka aukat vich rakhi."
To didi mujhe aukat me hi rehne do.
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Thanks for reading my rarely read story,“And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall”
Komal jii its beautifully written i was able to visualise every thing point by point , been there in corporate culture for sometime now , the surrounding is perfectly explained.
There is a Movie called “Margin call” on similar terms
And last “Eh Tu Brutus” was something which caught mine eyeball have to Google for it to be honest as mine literature is not as good
It's a hard rain
Non-Erotic - It’s a hard rain
It’s a hard rainWhen the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherized upon a table…Dusk was dawning on glass panes of his window, smoke rubbing its muzzle, peeping from outside , streets following like tedious argument, …every evening, it reminded him of Prufrock’s love...
and let me share a few explanatory points i posted in response to some comments on that story
' story has woven poetry in the fabric of prose by using four illustrious poets, it was also a tribute to a great country song writer who got the nobel.'
Yes, story starts with T S Elliot and ends with Bob Dylon and there are lines from Bilhan and a few other my favorites. story is my favorite. '
And one thing i would like to add what i like in a story or movie is it should be multi-layered,... and characters should be multi dimensional and let me tell you with the some goals i had in my mind, problems some of them i feel like laughing at now,
one was the character of the protagonist
yes it is an issue of acquisition and merger leading to pink slips a tragic situation with disastrous consequences many of us are familiar with. but it had another serious overtone , specific situation of man in the organization, highly placed may be on the lower rung of senior management or on the higher rung of middle management something like National Head or VP type and his persona and problem has been described in the few lines
" I am on the wrong side of 40; suffering from diabetes and hypertension, living alone, on the top of middle management or bottom of top management in a big conglomerate.
I have clawed my way on corporate totem pole, but I know how greasy, how fragile it is. Almost burnt out many times, tired, drained and as we all know, every day is a new battle. Yes, these young boys, like piranhas, they keep on grinding their teeth, gnawing at toes and many times I felt the heat but I was just inches away and moved. You either go up or you go down."
and that was the reason why story is laced with the poetry. Now i visualized a person of late 40 age group from a top ranking management school so let me give him poetry and that too classical poetry with erotic and romantic touches and it led to his description,
" Let me share a secret, I am a bit of lecherous old man too. ...But then I enjoy poetry, crosswords, thrillers and movies too (mostly noir) and my wine also, just to give me company on those long lonesome evenings.
, I prefer to spend at my flat, often they are long and lonesome punctuated with a good book of poetry."
and i wanted to portray him as a person who is not a seduced, who only has desires and satisfies them in the ogling, reading about it and cup of wine. may be both lack of opportunity, and lack of initiative and fear of failure and reputation.
and there are many strands like that which i wished my readers to understand and appreciate, those subtle nuances and believe me i always wish more such stories written by better writers than me in this forum . and readers enough to encourage them.
many hurdles i faced in writing this story like selecting correct poet, correct lines apt for story but one issue was more technical and i am ignoramus and that is about wines.
i have never tasted any but the story demanded wine and i had to read a lot to select white wine, Chardonnay and next issues is what will go with it and again google helped in making a choice of correct cheese. and hoping some criticisms from knowing readers selected cheddar cheese. and i learnt that wine and cheese pairing is an art and quiet complicated business. And next issue was correct wine glass to go well with a person of that age and peerage.
Just wanted to share with you the efforts and laours which goes behind writing a few lines and a simple story.
Language used in the story also matches with persona of main character. I always feel that the language must also refelct the persona and situation.
but enough is enough, let us revert back to this story