★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[The Blue Prince]

REVIEW

STORY - ISHQ WALA LOVE

WRITER- The Blue Prince

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-699757



PLOT – a sad lov story ….

Bahut achchi writing hai ,Jayda kuch nhi kahunga bas itana hi kahuna ki ye story pasand aayi..

Story sad jarur hai lekin asal me ye ek hakikat hi hai ,aaye din ham akhbaro me ye padhte hai ki ghar walo ne premi jodo ki hatya ki ,ise honour killing kaha jata hai ,jisme samaj ki sankirn mansikta ke kaarn prem karna hi gunah mana jata hai..

Bharat bhale hi kitana bhi pada likha hogaya hai ,aur hame lagta hai ki ab hamare samaj me jaati dharm se badkar insaniyat hi hai ,lekin ye sab bas kuch bade shahro ke padhe likhe tabke tak hi simit hai ,chhote shahro aur ganwo ki halt ab bhi waisi hai ,badlaw to aaye hai lekin jab mamla pyar ka ho to log apni padhai likhai sab kuch bhool jaate hai ,samaaj aaj bhi intercast marriage ko accept nhi kar paata,kahi iske liye kanoon thode narm hai to kahi bahut hi kathor ,aur kahi kahi to log premi jodo ko samohik rup se hatya hi kar dete hai…………

Isi honor killing par ye story base hai ,jo ek achcha prayas hai…

NOTE FOR WRITER-blue prince bhai apki story bahut hi achchi hai,apne ek badiya subject uthaya hai aur achchi story likhi hai ..

Best of luck for contest….

Thank you so much bhai for this wonderful review. I am so glad that you liked my small effort. The way you described the premise of my story in your own words by comparing it with present scenario. Kudos to you . It shows the reflection of a real writer and reader too. I agree honor killing is one of the worst manmade thing. Everyone has a right to live with his love . If he or she suffers then its up to them . I have seen alot of these outdated fake respect issues .

Thanks once again for sparing your precious time to read and review my story. Love you bhai

REGARDS
THE BLUE PRINCE

 

[The Blue Prince]

My review for

Ishk Wala Love
by
Blue Prince
Ek cute si muhabat ki daastan jo thoda filmi laga magar assal zindagi mein bhi eisa hota hai maanta hoon. mujhko kahani passand aayi.
Kahani ko likha acha gaya hai.
Iss kahani mein kahin kahin par istemaal ki gayi shabd mujhe bahot achche lage .... Misaal ke taur par chand shabdon ko quote karta hoon kahani se jo baakhubi istemaal ki gayi hai.
"Ek toofani leher ki zordaar aawaz ne usko sapno se bahar nikala. "
"Bhagwaan baarish ke saath yaadon ko bhighona chahta hain."
" Jismon ki bhookh mitane se upar do roohon ka milan tha. Us din ke baad do jism pooran taur se ek ho gaye."
"Na koi naach gaana, na baraati, na khushion ki shehnaia, Na card pe golden ink main likha hua " Rahul Weds Ishika", na maa-bap ka hasta chehra, thi to bas sunsaan khamoshi . Mundap ki jagah court kacheri ne li thi aur pandit ka kaam government ke offficer ne kiya tha."
isske ilawa kahani in general satisfactory hai, lekhak ki effort nazar arahe hein.
kahani mein ek maa apne bete ke saath uss jagah par machliyon ko khana khilaane ati hai jahan usska pyar, usske bache ke baap ko jaan se mara gaya tha.
jaat ke base par likhi gayi yeh kahani jahan insaan do premee ko ek saath jine nahin dete sirf iss liye donon ke jaat same nahin hai.
kahani ki treatment sahi dhang se kiya gaya hai aur mujhe passand aayi.
lekhak ne apni puri zor daal kar likha hai wo dikhta hai. jinn love stories ke end eise hue hein aksar flashback mein hi bayan hote hein jo iss kahani mein bhi hui.
well written, well managed from present to past then from past to present again.
nice little love story with tragic end, but covered up bya son who was grown up bearing the father's name.
nice attempt.
all the best my friend.

Wow... casi bhai ka review

First of all a very warm welcome to you bhai . I am feeling honored that a legend writer has spared time to read and review my story. Moreover i dont know what to say when you said you liked my story Its like i have got my prize

You have given a beautiful review by touching all the right chords of the story and i am glad that aapko " Story main use ki gayi lines pasand aayin.." This means so much to me bhai.

Yes bhai its a love story with tragic end . We all know ( and have seen ) that more than 90% true love stories didn't reach their destination. They are either diverted by the society from the path or right away killed by using the deadly weapons of caste, color, religion or wealth. Innocent love in most cases die very painful death.

In the end i just want to thank you again for appreciating me .

REGARDS

THE BLUE PRINCE

 

[Vijay2309]

बाबा की पहाड़ी
लेखक - नोटबुक

समझ नहीं आ रहा क्या लिखूं , समझ नहीं आ रहा की कैसे अपनी भावनाएं शब्दों के माध्यम से पाठकों के मध्य रखू।
सच बताऊं तो मुझे प्रेम कहानियां बिल्कुल भी पसंद नहीं है उसकी वजह सिर्फ इतनी की लेखक अपनी पूरी कोशिश करता है पाठक को भावुक करने कि , बस इसी डर की वजह से कि कहीं में भावुक ना हो जाऊं और किसी को कोई परेशानी में ना डाल दू बस इसी वजह से में प्रेम कहानी नहीं पढ़ता....मेरे एक मित्र ने मुझे आपकी कहानी पढ़ने की सलाह दी और मुझे उसने ये बोला की आपकी कहानी थ्रीलर हॉरर है...लेकिन शायद मेरा मित्र चाहता था कि इतनी बेहतरीन कृति पढ़े बिना में कैसे रह जाऊं और बस उसी वजह से में आपके सामने हूं।।
कहानी की शुरुवात में कुछ गलतियां थी वो भी थोड़ी थोड़ी स्पेलिंग मिस्टेक्स की वजह से लेकिन जैसे जैसे कहानी आगे बढ़ती गई वह सारी गलतियां अक्षुण्ण हो गई...कहानी का फ्लो जबरदस्त तरीके से आगे बढ़ता है...कहानी कही भी पाठक को उबाऊ या बोर नहीं लगती....लेकिन प्रेम कहानी प्रडिक्टेबेल होती है....ये मुझे तभी समझ आ गया जब उदयमान उस झोपडी के बाहर पहुंच गया की आगे कहानी क्या होने वाली है...लेकिन आपकी लेखन शैली ही कुछ इस तरह की है की अगर एक बार पढ़ना शुरू करो तो आखिर तक जाए बिना कोई रह ही नहीं सकता....
आपका बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया जो आपने इतनी बेहतरीन कहानी हम पाठकों को दी है..
में इस कहानी को 5 में से 4.5 अंक देता हूं....
.5 अंक इसलिए काटे क्योंकि कहानी का अंत सुखद भी हो सकता था।

 

[The Blue Prince]

Review on : सातवां टोना..

Writer : Vijay2309

Dear Vijay bhai

First of all i want to say that thriller or horror genre is my favorite genre. I never miss any horror/thriller movie even if it is like a smelly trash of garbage. So after seeing the title of the story i was eager to read this and to my surprise it was not like a smelly rotted stories, rather it was like a fresh blend of flowers ( I would say Black Flowers pun intended) filled with creepy perfume . I really loved the story very much

Well the 7th Tona is really worth to read but only when if you know the 8th tona Else you will fall in the never ending trap pioneered by a tarntrik baba. The circle will continue and continue and may be you will again fall in that trap

PLOT: The story revolves around a book named "7th Tona" which was purchased by hero ( Victim ) of the story without knowing that the book is really something . I would not give further spoilers but will say that the book really creeped me . From now on every time i travel on train i would never purchase even snacks from vendors . Be sure to read till the end or every reader will come under the spell of 7th tona.

VERDICT: The writer has done commendable job in building the suspense and maintaining it upto the last drop of the story. I never felt bored for even a second The narration and the dialogues were perfect fit for the atmosphere of the story. Just minor flaw were sex scenes I think they were irrelevant to the dark tone of the story. ( May be its my point of view or Did i missed something ?) Even without scenes story is

The story is 10/10

REGARDS

THE BLUE PRINCE

 

[Rahul]

REVIEW

STORY - ISHQ WALA LOVE

WRITER- The Blue Prince

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-699757

Bahut badhiya mast kahani hai siwaye rahul mar gawa mast life chal rahi thi dono ki par bhai baap ko hajam na hui unki khusiyan..story ki jitni bhi tareef karun wo kam hai aur jo police ne aakar use bacha liya ye point bhi mast tha aur wo apne bete ke sath hai ye jaankar dil ko khusi hui pyar na sahi uski nisani to salamat hai wo mara nahi balki dil me jinda hai rahul to amar hoi gawamai aapko 10 me 10 deta hun bhai ji

 

[Vijay2309]

TITLE : ISHQ WALA LOVE
लेखक - ब्लू प्रिंस

सबसे पहले तो दो गाली मेरी आंखो में आंसू लाने के लिए *** ***
अब आते हैं कहानी पे....

इश्क़ वाला लव...
बचपन जिसके साथ गुजरा, चले जवानी की राह पे जिसके संग... वो हमसफ़र मोहब्बत थी मेरी, वहीं तो था मेरा इश्क वाला लव....

जोरदार कहानी या कुछ यूं कहूं तो शब्दों मै लिपटा हुआ प्यार का चक्रव्यूह...
कहानी अपने वेग से आगे बढ़ती है और कहानी कि नायिका अपने गुजर चुके जीवन का हर लम्हा फिर से जीवंत कर देती है....किस तरह बचपन का प्यार अपने परवान चढ़ा किस तरह खट्टी मीठी यादों से प्यार के परवानों ने अपना घर संजोया लेकिन ऊपर वाला भी सोच रहा होगा की क्यों मैंने प्यार बनाया....अगर प्यार बनाया भी तो क्यों मैंने प्यार के दुश्मनों को बनाया....?? मैने तो बस इंसान बनाए, उनको ये गुनाह का पाठ किसने पढ़ाया...?
लेकिन शायद किसी ने ठीक ही कहा है... एक कहानी जहां ख़तम होती है दूसरी कहानी वहीं से शुरू भी होती है....
ब्लू भाई आपने कहानी को जीवंत बना दिया , काश आपने थोड़ा शब्दों पे ध्यान दिया होता तो कहानी कि शुरुवात में हो रही दिक्कत कहानी को इधर उधर भटकने नहीं देती....लेकिन मुझे वो सब कुछ समझ आया जो आपने लिखा भी और आपने अपनी कहानी के जरिए हम पाठकों को बताया भी....

आपका बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया जो आपने एक बेहतरीन कहानी हमारे दरमियान रखी
में आपको 5 में से 3.5 अंक देता हूं .5 अंक सिर्फ इस वजह से ज्यादा दिए क्योंकि मुझे लव स्टोरी पसंद नहीं लेकिन फिर भी में पढ रहा हूं।

 

[Chutiyadr]

REVIEW

STORY - RISHTAY NATAY

WRITER- cutekameena

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-3#post-711595

PLOT –

Jab ghar me ek ladki apne pariwar ko chhodkar aati hai to sabse badi jimmedari us insan ki hoti hai jo use apne ghar me laata hai ,yani ki pati ki ..

Ek husband ko apne pariwar aur apne wife ki khawahisho dono ko samhalna hota hai ,agar pariwar ka sath naa mile to ye samanjsy banana bahut hi muskil kaam hai..

Ye story yahi darsati hai ki kaise ek wakti apne maa aur patni ke bich ek bandhan ko banata hai,wo kaise apni maa ko naraj kiye bina hi patni ko bhi khus kar jaata hai ,rahi bat khana banana ki to Indian ghro me ye ek aisa gun hai jo maa ke hatho me hi hota hai,maa ke hatho ka khana to bhartiyo ke liye kisi amrit se kam nhi kyoki isme swad hi nahi balki prem bhi mila hota hai …

NOTE FOR WRITER- bhai cute kameena ji apki story bahut hi achchi thi aur ek achche plot par banai gayi thi,aapki mehnat ke liye aapko badhai…

Best of luck for contest….

 

[Chutiyadr]

REVIEW

STORY - REALITY?

WRITER- Niks96

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-3#post-711699

PLOT – hallucination hamesha se hi writers ki favourite theme rhi thi hai,ispar aapko dhero sari stories aur movies dekhne ko mil jaayegi ,aur thriller likhne ke liye isse achchi theme koi bhi nahi hai ,aur mera bhi ye favourite theme hai , to maine ise bhahut hi jyda padha aur dekha hai ..

Ye story bhi base ek ladki ke upar jo ki abhi abhi Mumbai aayi hai apne naye job ke liye aur use hallucination hone lagata hai ,story line achchi thi lekin fir bhi mujhe isme bahut sari kamiya dikhai di ..

Kyoki ye mera bhi favourite theme raha hai isliye main kahna chahunga ki hallucination ka upyog karke thrill paida karna jitana asaan hai uspar ek story banana utana hi muskil kaam hai ,main khud personally is par kaam kar chuka hu aur mujhe ye pta hai ki ek story iske base me banana kitana muskil hota hai kyoki aapko kai chijo ko justify bhi karna hota hai ……

Isliye mujhe is story me kuch kamiya dikhi ki writer ne kai chijo ko justify nhi kiya,jaise cab wala ,cab se jaana aur paidal jana bahut hi anter aa jata hai ,dusara ki ye problem hua kyo iske pichhe ek back story bhi honi thi to achcha hota …aur bhi kuch points hai jise main yanha discusses nahi karunga…

Iske bawjud ye story mujhe bahut pasand aayi ,kyoki ye subject mujhe hamesha se bhut attract karta hai aur main khud bhi ek psychologist hu to aise cases bhi maine apne jivan me bahut dekhe hai …

Story par aaye to kahana chahuga ki story achchi thi lekin aur bhi achchi ho sakti thi ,writer ne bahut mehnat ki hai jo ki saf saf dikhta hai isliye aap unke mehnat ko nakar nhi sakte..

Story apne asali target ko hit karne me bhi kamiyab hoti hai jo ki readers ke dimag me ek thrill paida karna hai ,isme ye story khari utari hai iske liye writer ki tarif ki jani chahiye

NOTE FOR WRITER- bro niks aapki story mujhe bahut pasand aayi thodi problem hai story ke narration me lekin itana chalta hai ,plot thoda aur achcha hona tha ,matlb ki aapko ek back story bhi dikhani thi ki kaise ridhi in sabme fansi ,aur kyoki apne itane characters ko hallucination dikha diya ki story apna asali charm kho baithi ….

Main ye sab isliye nahi kah rha hu ki apki story achchi nahi thi main isliye kah rha hu kyoki aapki story mujhe bahut psand aayi hai,aur pahle bhi maine kaha hai ki ye mera favourite subject hai isliye meri bat ka bura mat maniyega ise ek reader ke suggestion ke rup me dekhiyega,aap achche writer hai aur mujhe ummid hai ki aapki aur bhi achchi story hame bhawisy me dekhne ko milegi

Best of luck for contest….

 

[Aakash.]

Baba ki pahadi
I am very happy because you wrote the story. I liked the way the story started. Mountains, rain, winter, greenery all around, such beautiful views made by God, make the heart happy. You have naturally tried to make the story beautiful.
Your story is as beautiful as it is painful. Both Udayan and Damini are childhood friends and both loved each other very much, but the townspeople or householders could not understand this. Udayan did much wrong with Damini. As long as Damini remained alive, she always waited for Udayan.
I am not bored reading your story. The story is written in such a way that there is curiosity in the mind while reading.

" kuchh kahaniyan adhoori hi rah jati hain"
I liked this line the best.

Notebook Ji, I liked your story very much. You have written the story very beautifully. Your writing deserves praise. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.
Thank You...

 

[Notebook]

My review for
Baba ki Pahaadi
By notebook
Wow bahut hi badhya kahani hai bhai.
Shuru se ant tak kahani dilchasp hai. Shuruwaat mein jiss tarah se uss jagah ka varnaan kiya gaya, aur uss mausam mein uss car ki driving ko dikhaya gaya ussi samaye samajh mein agaya k aaguey chal kar ye kahani dhamaakedaar hone wali hai
Lekhak ka pakad bahot hi mazbut raha iss kahani par.
Har shabd ko, varnaan ko, har ek character ko itni sanjidgi se liya gaya hai ke ek chhoti si bhi kammi nahin dikhaayi diye.
Jab uss ladki ne uss kahani ko sunana shuru kiya to scene bilkool change ho gayi aur laga ke ab ek dusri kahani chal rahi hai halaan k wo ussi kahani ka ek jabardast hissa tha jissko lekhak ne baakhubi present kiya hai.
Ussko font change karke paathakon ke suvidha k liye lekhak ne bahot acha kiya hai.
Uss ladki ki kahi hui kahani dil ke taaron ko kuch iss tarah se cherra ke mere khayaal se har ek paathak uss hisse ko padhte waqt yehi dua karta hoga ke Damini ko jald hi Udayan mil jaaye, kaash ye likha hua padhne ko mile ke haan aakhir mein Damini ka intezaar khatam hua aur ek din Udayan wapas aaya apni Damini aur beti ko uss pahaadi se apne saath lejaane k liye.
Magar bhaari dil se aaguey padhne k baad pata chala k khud ladki ne hi uss se ziada aaguey kuch bola hi nahin...
Aur jab wo aadmi dharamshala pahuncha to sab samajh mein agaya ke wohi Damini ka khoya hua pyar tha aur apni khud ki beti se mil kar wapas aya tha Damini k khaton ko ab padhne k liye.....
Wah yaar kia kahani hai..... ek fairy tale jeisa laga mujhe....
Ab ending to aur bhi shocking ho gaya jab wapas pahaadi ke taraf jaane k baad pata chala ke na Damini zinda hai nah usski beti....
Kudrat ne ya to ussko khayaalon mein sab dikhaya tha ya kudrat ka karishma hi tha k ussko usski beti ke zubaani pata chala diya usse taake wo barson se unn bheje hue chithiyon ko jaa kar padhe.....
This is just an amazing and fantastic story. The descriptive narration is just fabulous and the story deserves a high rank in the competition.
I rate 10 out of 10 for this one.
A word to notebook bhai : Bhai aap ke do kahaniyon ko padh chuka hoon (ek running wala bhi) magar wahan to aap aise bilkool bhi nahin likhte kyun? Yehi skill uss thread wali story par bhi lao nah bhai. Aur contest k liye meri shubkaamnayein kubool karen. All the best. Great short story bhai

Thank you so much, sir for such a wonderful and detailed review . really very very very happy ki aap ko story pasand aayi Baki ki dono kahaniyon me bhi mehnat to itni hi padti hai sir par shayag long stories thodi chook ho hi jati hai . khair aap ka sath raha to long stories bhi achhi ho jayengi .