★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Rbcl.007]

REVIEW

STORY - DOSTI , PYAR AUR JINDEGI


WRITER- Rbcl.007

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-4#post-728788

PLOT – “EK LADKA AUR EK LADKI KABHI DOST NAHI HOTE”

Maine pyar kiya me mohnish bahal ka ye dialog aaj bhi famous hai ,lekin isi film ke end hote tak film walo ne ise hame manwa bhi kar diya ki mohnish bahal sahi tha..

Bollywood masala filmo ne is bat ko aur bhi jyda badha diya ,aur sath hi samaj me logo ne ise reality bhi bana di ,log pyar ki shuruwat hi dosti se karte hai ,chalo thik hai lekin ager do dost agaer dost hi hai to bhi is chij ki ijjat karni chahiye…

Hamara samaj asal me confusion me ji raha hai use payr aur dosti ke bich ka confusion hi nahi pata hota,aur yahi chij yuwao ko preshan karti rahti hai ,isliye acid attak jaisi ghatnaye janm leti hai kyoki ladko ko samjh hi nahi aata ki asal me ladki ke dil me unke liye kuch nhi hai ,aur unhe bhi naa bolne ka hak hai …ladko ko bas ye lagta hai ki ager ladki usse bat bhi karti hai to usse payr karti hai …..

Khair mamlaa ab badalne laga hai ,realistic cinema aur web series ka dour hai aur ab ladka aur ladki dost bhi hote hai ,to mind set me dheere dheere hi sahi change dekhne ko mil rha hai …

Ab story par aaye to plot bahut hi achha choose kiya hai jo samny love story se is story ko alag banati hai,last tak writer ne apne theam ko bhatkne nhi diya,ho sakta tha ki last me vikas aur sonali ke bich pyar dikha diya jata ,lekin writer ne is chij ko maintain kiya ye mujhe sabse jyada achcha laga …

Naraation achcha tha ek flow me story chalti hai aur end tak involve hi rakhti hai …

NOTE FOR WRITER – rbcl bro sabse pahle to is unchhuye se topic par bat karne ke liye aapka dhanywad ,story aapne bahut achchi likhi aur plot aapne hatkar chuna ye apke story ko khas bana deta hai ..

Best of luck for contest….

Bohat bohot shukriya DR sahab. Mujhe bohat khusi hui ye jaan ke ki aapko ye kahani pasand aaye... Bastabik Maine hamare samaj aaj aisa ban chuka hai ki log Sare realtion ko ek hi naam de dete hai.. Phir kuch log chahe ya na chahe ya to unko iss duniya se hi hamesha ke liye rista aur sansen chodna padta hai ya phir ek aisa mukhota pehn na padta hai jo samaj ko acha lage... Par iss mukhota ko sambhalte sambhalte bohat si kahani aur kitne jindegi ghoot ghoot ke dam tod deti hai....

 

[Rbcl.007]

REVIEW

STORY - Khwaab-Ek Haqiqat

WRITER- Milan2010

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-4#post-721626

PLOT – ye story do college going logo ki hai ek hai Shreya aur dusara hai aarav ..

Story ka plot bahut hi achcha hai ,shreya ek aisi ladki hai jo ki apne jiwan me akeli hai aur sabhi ki madad ko taiyar rahti hai chahe to insaan ho ya janwar,janwaro se uska khas lagaw bhi hai kyoki use lagta hai ki janwaro ke pas wo suvidha nahi hai jo ki insaano ke pas hai ,aur ye bat sahi hi hai …

Ye ek achchi morality wali story hai ..

Ab story ki baki chijo ke bare me bat kare to flow isme gadbad hai ,emotion dalne ki koshis to hai lekin story jyda involve nhi karti .kyoki drama ka dose thoda heavy ho gaya hai jo mujhe personally boring laga ..yanha main personally shabd isliye use kar rha hu kyoki kai logo ko drama bahut pasand aata hai aur un logo ko ye story achchi lagegi ..

Mujhe ek chij aur samjh nhi aayi pure contest me log love story me ek partner ko maar kyo rahe hai

Khair story achchi thi isme koi shaq nahi hai ,lekin shuruwat jis tarh se ki gai bade hi dramatic andaj me wo thoda negative point laga mujhe kyoki bad me use maintain kar paana thoda muskil ho gaya ,aur yahi pe kuch ho gaya …baki college ke scene ke bad se story ne achcha flow pakd liya jo ki involving tha ,pahle ke do paragraph agar nahi likhe jaate to bhi story me koi fark nahi padne wala tha bakli story thodi involving jarur ho jaati …



NOTE FOR WRITER – milan bhai aap ek achche aur purane writer ho isliye itana lamba likh rha hu review ko ,naye writer ko main kabhi criticize nahi karta ,purane writer samjhte hai chijo ko isliye bol dena chahiye jo dimag me hota hai isliye maine bhi bol diya ,hope you understand my points..

Story aapki achhi thi lekin mujhe personally lagta hai ki suruwat aapne galt kar di ,aur ye mera personal opinion hai baki log kya sochte hai mujhe nahi pata ,mujhe ye chij thodi feel hui …

Baki aap writer to achche ho isme koi shaq nhi hai ,aur aapki mehnat bhi dikhti hai story me …

Best of luck for contest….

Chutiyadr DR sahab ye to sara sar nainsafi aur galat hai. Aapne jo NOTE maine likha hai ki aap naye writer ko negative review nahini dete hai, par bhai negative review aur suggestion main bohat farak hota hai.. Ye baat shayad logon ko kharab lage paar hamare jaise naye writer logon ko positive review jitna hoshla badhane ko chahiye utna hi negative review bhi chahiye taki hamein pata lage ki ham kanha pe galti kar rahe haine. Jaise ki ye DIL, DOSTI AUR JINDEGI meri forum maine pehli story hai toh agar log na bolte to shayd maine kabhi apne story ko reader ke najar se nahini dekhta aur hamesha writer ke hisab se sochta aur mujhe ye bhi ab laga ki mujhe mere hindi ka kuch karna padega kyun ki mera hindi bohat kamzor hai.. Bhai ye contest kisi ke liye kuch fame aur prize ho sakta hain par mere jaise na jane kitne naye writer jo barson se jude hue haine unhe apne aap ko proove karne ka jariya hai.. Agar aap kisi ke dil ko chot hogi ye samjh ke hamain hamara galti nahini batao ge toh hum kabhi improvement nahini kar payenge..... Aur aap jaise senior member se ham itna to expect kar hi sakte haine.. Aur bhai aapka ye line mujhe boha hi acha laga ki story ke shuruaat maine itna bhi buildup na kardo kisi usse phir maintain na kar pao. Really great word aise suggestion chahiye hamain. Sorry bhai agar meri baat ka bura laga ho to.... Chota bhai samajh ke maaf kar dena... Aur ho sake to meri normal thread entry TANHAI KE SAHARE jaroor ek baar read karke apna valuable review dena ki mujhe kya improvement karni hai..... Aapka review ka intezar rahega bhai

 

[The Immortal]

Review for - Winner Of The Competition (NC)
By king cobra

First of all thank you for this lovely story
Story is based on fantasy genre , A kitty name Mimi recently won the world beauty contest and she became famous. Then she starts to live like humans by given advice of some kitties around her . Where the main story start , everyone got disturbed the way she acting , behaving, but in the end Mimi realize her mistakes and understand what is love and care .
Very unique plot , great narration & description.
Very cute story and I loved it .
Once again thank you for this lovely story
But why you made this NC ?
I hope we can see much more of your creation in future contest.

 

[The Immortal]

Review for - My Sweet Sister
By bondjamesbond09

First of all thank you for posting this story .
Story is based on incest theme , a sister who love her brother and in the end they make love story finish .
I'm not going to say about language perhaps I know the reason .
I do appreciate your efforts .
Advice- whenever you write a story in Hindi , English or any language , try to put some emotions.
Well again thank you for posting this story.
Best of luck for contest

 

[bondjamesbond09]

Review for - My Sweet Sister
By bondjamesbond09

First of all thank you for posting this story .
Story is based on incest theme , a sister who love her brother and in the end they make love story finish .
I'm not going to say about language perhaps I know the reason .
I do appreciate your efforts .
Advice- whenever you write a story in Hindi , English or any language , try to put some emotions.
Well again thank you for posting this story.
Best of luck for contest

Thank you

 

[zopion]

Story:- Mamta ki ek murat - MAA

Writer:- zopion

A Story Dedicated to Mother!!!

Theme and plot of story was nice Zopion bhai...Bahut acche se ek Maa ki mamta aur uski dard ko aapne dikhaya.

Maa aur uski mamta...Jitna bhi taarif karo kam hai...Ek Maa apne baccho ki parwarish me, unhe kisi laayak banane me kitna kasht uthaati hai, kurbaani deti hai, sirf apne baccho ki fikar karte hue aur bina bina apne faaidaa dekhe ki bade ho kar bacche uski khayal rakhenge ya nahi yeh aapne bahut acche se dikhaya.

Aur kahani me aage jaa kar bacche badal gaye...Agar kisi ke pyar par ham shak karte hai kisi ki bhi baaton me aa kar toh aisa hi hota hai...Unhone ek aisi anmol cheej khoya hai jiske liye hamesha sirf paschataap hi rahega.

Air itna sab hone ke baawjud...Maa ka apne bacchon ke liye pyar...Fir bhi unke liye hi dua karna

Maa ka likha hua wo letter dil ko chhu gaya.

It was a great emotional story to read.

All the best for contest.

thanks a lot Champ_AK_81 bhai for your sweet review
apke jaise famous writer ka review pakar bahut acha laga
Haan bhai apne sahi kaha hai maa ka pyar priceless hota hai
jab baat santan ki ho to maayein kisi bhi hadd se gujar sakti hai

thanks once again champ bro

 

[Chutiyadr]

Chutiyadr DR sahab ye to sara sar nainsafi aur galat hai. Aapne jo NOTE maine likha hai ki aap naye writer ko negative review nahini dete hai, par bhai negative review aur suggestion main bohat farak hota hai.. Ye baat shayad logon ko kharab lage paar hamare jaise naye writer logon ko positive review jitna hoshla badhane ko chahiye utna hi negative review bhi chahiye taki hamein pata lage ki ham kanha pe galti kar rahe haine. Jaise ki ye DIL, DOSTI AUR JINDEGI meri forum maine pehli story hai toh agar log na bolte to shayd maine kabhi apne story ko reader ke najar se nahini dekhta aur hamesha writer ke hisab se sochta aur mujhe ye bhi ab laga ki mujhe mere hindi ka kuch karna padega kyun ki mera hindi bohat kamzor hai.. Bhai ye contest kisi ke liye kuch fame aur prize ho sakta hain par mere jaise na jane kitne naye writer jo barson se jude hue haine unhe apne aap ko proove karne ka jariya hai.. Agar aap kisi ke dil ko chot hogi ye samjh ke hamain hamara galti nahini batao ge toh hum kabhi improvement nahini kar payenge..... Aur aap jaise senior member se ham itna to expect kar hi sakte haine.. Aur bhai aapka ye line mujhe boha hi acha laga ki story ke shuruaat maine itna bhi buildup na kardo kisi usse phir maintain na kar pao. Really great word aise suggestion chahiye hamain. Sorry bhai agar meri baat ka bura laga ho to.... Chota bhai samajh ke maaf kar dena... Aur ho sake to meri normal thread entry TANHAI KE SAHARE jaroor ek baar read karke apna valuable review dena ki mujhe kya improvement karni hai..... Aapka review ka intezar rahega bhai

okkk bhai ..apki bat main samjh gaya main jo naye writers ko nhi bolta wo narration wala issue hai ..kyaoki mujhe pata hai ki wo bande abhi mehant kar rahe hai likhne ke liye ,ager aap ko sach sahi criticism chahiye to ham apke thread me aakr kar denge lekin aap bura maan jaoge..kyoki narration par pakad banana bahut hi muskil kam hota hai dost wo likhte likhte aata hai ,jitana likhoge aur achchi story padoge utana control badta jata hai ....wo practice wali chij hoti hai ..aur aapke tanhai ke sahare me main visit karta hu lekin wanha fir jo bulunga use samjhana apki jimmedari hogi ..
kyoki narration ke uper lambi choudi bahas ho sakti hai jo kai writers ko pasand nahi aati.....ager aap sahi me achcha likhna chahte ho to achcha pado .yahi sabse badi bat hai ...

 

[Rbcl.007]

okkk bhai ..apki bat main samjh gaya main jo naye writers ko nhi bolta wo narration wala issue hai ..kyaoki mujhe pata hai ki wo bande abhi mehant kar rahe hai likhne ke liye ,ager aap ko sach sahi criticism chahiye to ham apke thread me aakr kar denge lekin aap bura maan jaoge..kyoki narration par pakad banana bahut hi muskil kam hota hai dost wo likhte likhte aata hai ,jitana likhoge aur achchi story padoge utana control badta jata hai ....wo practice wali chij hoti hai ..aur aapke tanhai ke sahare me main visit karta hu lekin wanha fir jo bulunga use samjhana apki jimmedari hogi ..
kyoki narration ke uper lambi choudi bahas ho sakti hai jo kai writers ko pasand nahi aati.....ager aap sahi me achcha likhna chahte ho to achcha pado .yahi sabse badi bat hai ...

Morning bhai shayad meri baat aapko buri lagi par mera ye matlab nahini tha main to sirf ye bol raha tha ki ham naye writer abhi likhte time kuch aise mistake karte hain jo sirf aapke jaise senior member hi ache se find out karke bata sakte hai jisse ham atleast main kosis karunga improve karne maine...

 

[Chutiyadr]

Morning bhai shayad meri baat aapko buri lagi par mera ye matlab nahini tha main to sirf ye bol raha tha ki ham naye writer abhi likhte time kuch aise mistake karte hain jo sirf aapke jaise senior member hi ache se find out karke bata sakte hai jisse ham atleast main kosis karunga improve karne maine...

Okk bro,mujhe kuch bura nahi laga balki khusi hui,but yanha ham bat nahi kar sakte , main aapko apki thread me milta hu..

 

[Mak]

RISHTAY NATAY
By: Daamha
_______________
This is not a story but more like a short incident or moral message. I must say you have capabilities to write a better story as this short incident was written nicely. But, you to have work on your plot. I don't understand what I should say more. Just a suggestion, read more stories.

Best of luck.
________________