★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[nain11ster]

Story :- परा विद्या
Writer :- nain11ster
Link :-

★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Entry Thread ★☆★

AMULYA TOHFA

xforum.live

nain ji aapki story ke to hum pehle hi khayal hai..
aur ab aapne short story bhi aisi likhi hai ki koi baat batane ki gunzaish
hi reh gayi hai.. :d
sahi kadiyon ko bahut hi achi tarah se pesh kiya hai..
story padhte waqt laga hi nahi ki ab story mein kuch kami reh gayi hai..
story mein samjane jaisa bahut kuch hai lekin mujhe to jyada sawal hi najar aaye.. :lol
jis ne upar upar se padha wo story bas acha bolenga
bas mujhe story mein kuch word bahut hi kathin lage jo specially mujhe padhne mein bahut alag lage
aur sach kahu to acha bhi laga ki koi writer in baton ko tawwaju bhi deta hai
ye to thi narration aur storyline ki batein ab aate hai story par
story bahut hi achi hai..specially character ki baat karu to mujhe sabhi ache lage
shobha ko chod kar..
waise nain ji aap harry potter ke fan ho kya
jo uske words chura liye
pehli jab half story read kiya to mujhe laga sandip hi alpsar honga lekin baadmein jo mithilesh ko alpsar dikhaya bahut acha laga
kyu humne jo socha wahi hota to story mein maza na ke barabar milta..
kalika ko shobha par hua us waqt aapne face expression kyu nahi likha hai..

sandip aur kalika ke ghar walon ka shadi ke mamle mein tu-tu main-main bahut acha hai..
aur jo us waqt dono romance kar rahe the sach kahu to paun ka bhi aisi hi kuch fantasy hai..


sobha aur mathur ek dusre ko jante hai kya ?
alpsar ne to sehri ilako mein humla nahi kiya tha to shobha ne humla kis buniyat par kiya ,
kya sobha ne iski chanbin na ki ?
alpsar aur sobha ko kyu ladwaya mithlesh ne ?
kalika ke pass kali devi ki panchbhut ki shakti hai to ye baat mithilesh ko pata na thi kya ?
mithlesh ke past ke barmein na bataya ?
sammohan mantr , shamy mantr aur disha ka use kaise hota hai aur wo kya kar sakta hai?

samaj sakta hu ki itne kam words aapke liye kam pad gaye hai
lekin mere kuch sawalo ke jawab dijiye nain ji

best of luck for contest ​

Rating :- 4.5/5 stars

Aap ka bahut bahut dhanywad .. itne pyare review ke liye ....

aap ke sawalon par jane se pahle main ek chhoti si baat batata chalun, ye kahani suddh hindi me nahi likhi gayi thi, balki mantro ke kuch uccharan ke shabd sanskrit aur hindi ke prayaywachi shabdon se liye gaye the... jaise ki "bijli" ka prayaywachi tha "ati megh garjan"... aate hain sawalon par ...

1) waise nain ji aap harry potter ke fan ho kya jo uske words chura liye

ji iska jawab haan hai.. main harry potter ka die hard fan hun... aur jahan tak words churane ki baat hai to main kewal itna hi kahunga ki "sammohanam" "bhramit" kuch aise shabd hain jo humare matribhasha ke mul shabd hain. ab unhone dubbing me bhi wahi istamal kiya jo maine ... ye churana kaise ho gaya .. yadi kisi mul shabd ko main apni kahani me dikhane ki kosis kar raha hun aur wahi shabd kisi dubbing me istamal huye.. aise to duniya ke sre word copy ho hi lagenge.

2) alpsar ne to sehri ilako mein humla nahi kiya tha to shobha ne humla kis buniyat par kiya ,
kya sobha ne iski chanbin na ki ?

iska jawab wahin kahani me hi hai. main jin baton ko bindu karta hun bas unhe dhyan me rakh kar aap dobara padhenge to jawab wahin kahani me hi milega... 1) alpsar ne hi sahri ilaka me humla kiya tha, lekin wo humla jungle me rah rahe apsar samuday ne nahi kiya.... 2)baat agar sobha ki kare.... to iska jawab aakhri ke lines me thi jab Kalika aur Sobha ka samwad chalta hai... wahin par to sobha kahti hai "2 magus mare gaye the, aur badla to lena tha hi".... aur rahi baat chhanbin ki to humle ke tarike se to sab ko pata hi tha ki ye kisi alpsar ka kaam hai .... to sobha apne logon ke sath mil kar wahan humla karne chali jati hai.

aur yahin chhipi hai kahani ke ek vises bhag ke sawal ka jawab, ki kaise mithlesh ladwa raha tha aur sobha apni beti se kya chhipa rahi hai .... mithlesh ek vises alpsar ... mara usne .. aur sobha badla lene usi ke pass gayi jise janti thi, yani ki jungle wala alpsar samuday"....

3) alpsar aur sobha ko kyu ladwaya mithlesh ne ?

is kyu ka jawab maine reader ke dwara banayi gayi theory par chhoda tha, baki apne sare pahlu maine kahani me rakh diye the.. jaise ki shakti ki talash aur shakti ka pradarshan, shakti ka pass me hona aur uska istamal... ladai karwane ki piche ki wajah bhi thoda- thoda highligted hai ... jaise ki kalika aur MLA ke samwad .... fir Kalika aur alpsar ke bich ek shakti pradarshan ke baad kalika ki hunkar ... aap is baat se bhi andaza laga sakte hain ki kalika kyon akele hi apna shakti pradarshan karti un sabhi alpsar ko ghutne par le aayi... aur aakhie ka agrjan ka bhi wo samwad ki "lagta hai sabhi mugus us vises alpsar ke gulam ban gaye".. itne sare facts kewal isliye chhode ki aap tay kar sako ki kya wajah rahi hogi ladai karwane ki ... ye kuch is tarah tha ki marval walon ne apni movie me dono facts rakh diye the.. 1) time travel kar ke past me ho rahi ghatna me fer badal kar ke kisi badi ghatna ko roka ja sakta hai logon ko wapas laya ja sakta hai.. 2) dr strange ne kai carore baar bhawishya me ja kar dekha lekin kewal ek sambhawna thi jit ke liye thanos se ... ab aap theory banate raho .. ironman wapas aayega ki nahi ...

4) mithlesh ke past ke barmein na bataya ?

mithlesh ka past Voldemort ke past jaisa hai .. kahani me current hi dikhayenge ki abhi kya kar raha .. origin ke bare me detailed story aur uske prequel me charcha hogi.

5) sammohan mantr , shamy mantr aur disha ka use kaise hota hai aur wo kya kar sakta hai?

mantr ke istamal se aap ko nahi samjh me aaya to lagta hai mujhe index bana kar dena padega .. fala mantr .. fala use... kuch to nam se samjh me aa jata hai.. jaise ki "smmohan" .. matlab sammohit karna.... bhramit.. matlab bharm me dalna.. disha vighn.. matlab disha me badha dalna... kshmy mantr ka to istmal jadu karne wale jadugar ka pata lagane ke liye karte hain .. ye to likha bhi hai.. aap ne esscape kiya kahan se samjh me aayega

6)samaj sakta hu ki itne kam words aapke liye kam pad gaye hai
lekin mere kuch sawalo ke jawab dijiye nain ji

ji aap ke sare sawalon ke jawab kahani me the .. mujhe nahi lagta ki unhe darshane ke liye mujhe adhik shabdon ki aawasykta thi... ummid hai aap ko sare jawab mil gaye honge .. ab is jawab ke baad ja kar ek bar aur story padhiye .. is bar padhne se kahani se pyar ho jayega....

 

[nain11ster]

Review for परा विद्या
Writer: nain11ster

Nain bhai, bahut hi khubsurat kahani likhi aapne. Jadu se bhari kahani ko bahut hi shandaar tarike se racha hai aapne,,,,

Story ka plot aur aapka writing style behtareen tha. Shuruaat me mujhe laga ki ye crime thriller story hai jo ham sab normally padhte hain ya filmo me dekhte hain magar fir aapne ekdam se turn liya aur jadu ka mahaul create kar diya. Kalika aur sandip ka love bhi add kar diya aapne jo ki shuruaat me mujhe thoda ajeeb laga tha,,,,

Writing skills bahut achhi lagi mujhe...har baat ko behtar tarike se likhna ye saabit karta hai ki likhne wala mamuli writer nahi hai.

Kahani me jo khoon huye uski tahkikaat ke roop me jo kuch dikhaya aapne wo ekdam se samajh nahi aaya tha mujhe is liye maine phir se padha...aur ye samajh aaya ki nain bhai hamare liye clue nahi chhod rahe aur last me mithilesh ko khooni bana diya. Ab ye mujhe hi aisa samajh aaya ya phir mere dusre dost bhaiyo ko bhi...khair masti mazaak apni jagah aur hakikat apni jagah,,,,

Short story me kuch na kuch aisa rah hi jata hai jo ye batata hai ki isme fala kami thi. Khair bahut bahut shukriya nain bhai itni khubsurat kahani likhne ke liye aur sath hi apni is rachna se ham sabhi ka manoranjan karne ke liye,,,,,

bahut bahut aabhar ... shubham bhai .. aap ko meri mehnat itni pasand aayi ... halanki aap ne sawal ko apne man me daba liye jise aap ko puchna chahiye the fir swal 20 hi kyon na ho ..... khair.. ek bar fir bahut bahut aabhar sath me ek chhota sa link chhode ja raha hun jisme maine ek reader ke kayi sawalon ke jawab diye hain .. ummid hai aap ke kai sare sanka dur ho jaye .. aur haan puri story hi clue thi aur maine bahut se clue chhode bhi hain .. pahle aap un sawalon ke jawab padhe .. aur anurodh hai ki jawab padhne ke baad ek baar aur story padhe.. aap ko aur bhi jyada pyar ho jayega kahani se ... aur padh kar jab aaye aur koi sawal rah jaye to jaroor puchh lijiyega ..

dhanywad aap ka

link:- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...reviews-thread-★☆★.16301/page-19#post-1511768

 

[nain11ster]

Story - परा विधा
By nain11ster

Kahani ke title se pata chal gya tha kahani jadu ya tamsik gatividhiyon se paripurn hogi.. apne kahani ka shirshak, sarthak kiya..

Sabse boring part kahani me sandeep aur kalika ka milna aur unke ek hone ke baad ki unke pyar ka chutiyapa... Jisse aap short kr sakte the... Qki kahani ka title ke hisab se usme ye ghusedna jada sahi nhi laga... Shirshak se bhatak gye the shayad aap. Qki kabhi kabhi writer ek kahani me sb kuch dikhane aur ghusedne ki koshish krte h jisse kahani ka mul ansh kabhi kabhi disturb hota hai... Lekin jab sandeep aur kalika ki engagement ho jati h uske baad kahani ka chitran bahut hi lajawab tha... Aur kahani me thoda confusion b create hua.. jaise alphsar, alpsher etc... Uski wajah se kuch kuch para graph baar baar padhne pade... Jisse padhne me confusion na ho aur bhulu na jau... Characters complicated lage lekin kahani k hisab se thik the qki kahani bhi jadu pe adharit thi... Aur kahani ka plot b acha tha... Jadu with suspense? lekin kahani me koi uniqueness nhi lagi... Wahi badla, shrap, dhoka... lekin sbse jadu wali end ki ladai lagi aur Kalika ka character bhi acha tha...
Shimla to mai b gya tha lekin sala kahi bhi मग्स dikhe nhi mujhe... Shayad kopche me honge.... ??
Overall rating 6.5/10

ji bahut bahut aabhar aap ka .. aap ke review ke liye ...

"pyar ka chutiyapa"... kisi ka pyar chutiyapa kaise ho gaya .. acha na lagna samjh me aata hai .. bahut bura lagna wo bhi samjh me aata hai .. par ye samjh me na aaya ji ...

ji aap ke sujhaw ka tahe dil se swagat karte hain aur agli baar kuch unique sa likhne ki kosis karenge ... aap ka bahut bahut dhanywad ... aur haan shabdon ko jatil banana to nahi chahta tha kintu wo harrypotter walon ne jab hindi dubbed kiya to sare mantr uchharan apni kahani me hi dal diye

 

[nain11ster]

परा विद्या
By : nain11ster

Sabse pehle toh nain bhai aapko bahuat bahaut subhkamnaye...ki aap ek aisi kahani humare saamne pesh kar paaye hain jo ki kaafi adhbhut hai
Title padh kar kuch bhi idea nahi lag paaya ki kya hoga.....fir jab story start hui toh aisa lag raha tha ki koi Thriller hai...lekin title ke hisab se ye thoda ajeeb lag raha tha
Fir kahani ne ek aisa twist liya...jisme hum ek baar jo ghuse toh bas fans kar hee reh gaye..shayad shabdo ke jaal ki vajah se..kaafi kuch hota gaya..jisse samhajne ke liye baar baar same para padhna pada....Kuch shabd jaise ki धात्री एक अल्पसर,मग्स etc....inhone aisa jaadu kara jaise ki aapki kahani ne kara
Kalika jiski kahani mein mukhya bhumika thi...ek taraf jahn uska police vala roop dikhaya gaya vahin dusri taraf ye bataya gaya ki vo ek bahaut hee badi Mags hai..yan ye kahein ki Jaadugar
Uske baad Sandip aur Kalika ka milan dikhaya jata hai...jo ki mere hisab se kahani ka sabse kamjor bhaag tha...jis tarah se unki kahani ko badha chada kar dikahya gaya hai....mujhe lagta hai uski itni jarurat nahi thi.

Antim bhaag mein jis tarah se aapne ek ek scene likha hai...vo bahaut hee kaabile taarif hai
Jis tarah se Kalika ne Alpsar ke samuh kaa samna kara aue apni shaktiyon ka pradashan kara...padh kar alag hee feeling aa gayi...aisa laga ki movie chal rahi hai
Ek pal ke liye laga tha ki Sandip hee vishesh Aplsar hai...lekin fir jis tarah se aapne ye baat galat sabit kari aur Mithlesh ko sabke saamne pesh kara....apne aap mein hee kamal tha
Aur uske baad Kalika aur Mithlesh ke beech ki ladayi..Shobha ka aana..rom rom hil gaya padh kar...kamal ki Fantasy ko bahaut hee bemisaal tarike se likha hai aapne

Meine aapki kahani pehli baar padhi hai nain bhai....lekin abb pachtawa ho raha hai...ki aaj tak meine kaise aapki koi bhi kahani nahi padhi...kamal ki pratibha hai aapke andar jise aap bakhhubhi shabdo mein utarna jaante ho

Overall kamal ki kahani thi...jisme shabdo ke jaal mein fansne ke bavjud aap kisi tarah bahar aa hee jaoge....thanks for writing such an awesome story...and All The Best

kya baat hai .. aap ne to tarifon ke pul bandh diye ... kafi khushi hui ..... aap ka dil se dhanywad .... jatil shabdon ke liye dil se mafi ... ab patkatha hi aisi thi ki jatil shabd kuch na hote to kahani apne mul rup se kuch alag hi lagti ... jinme se ek story ka tital bhi hai ... dhatri shabd jo hai wo sanskrit ka shabd hota hai .. "maa" shabd ka synonyms .. waise hi "para vidha" bhi sanskrit ka shabd hai jiska arth hota hai ... "mukhya gyan".. "antim gyan" .. "appex knowledge" .. waise hi "mugus" mul rup se angreji shabd hai jo magician ka synonyms hai ...

aate hain sabse kamjor kadi par .. to maine mukhya rup se kahani 3500 words me hi likhi hai . agar aap romance aur drama hata de to .. aur itne hi shabdon me mul kahani ko sameta hai kyonki 6000 words ki short story kahin hoti hi nahi hai .. wo to mukhya roop se 300-2500 words ka hota hai .. isliye ye kewal mere khud ke practice ke liye tha ki main apni mul kahani kitne shabdon me kitne achi tarah se samapt kar sakta hun..

baki aap ka bahut bahut dhanywad ..

 

[Rebel.desi]

Behan kii Nath kii thirkan......

writer - Rebel.desi

brilliant story with awesome writing skills


Best of luck for the contest

Thanks Akki Bhai

 

[Akki ❸❸❸]

Story - परा विद्या

writer- nain11ster

Brilliant story with awesome writing skills ??

best of luck for contest

 

[Akki ❸❸❸]

Ek Adhuri Kahani

writer - QUASAR

wah bhai ji,kya gajab story likhi h,superb

Emotional ????

sham tak pasina baha-baha kar usne 5,6 hazaar Rupee ekatha kar liya the,

Aisa kon sa kaam kiya ki ek din me 5-6 hazaar , agar itna kama sakta h to vo gareeb nahi ??

.vo rota hua uski aur gaya aur Aarush ko gale laga liya

Gale lga liya,,,,, some typing mistake ?

Baaki bhai kahani bhout achi hai

Best of luck for the contest

 

[Milan2010]

Amulya Tohfa
By: Milan2010

Year 5020...jaise hee ye padha toh lag gaya ki Technology se related koi Sci-Fi story hai
Sabse pehle bataya gaya hai ki aaj ke time mein yani 2050 mein..Earth ka temperature 65 degree ke bhi paar pahaunch gaya hai...aur Dome City hee ek maatr jagah bachi hai.
Aur iski vajah se Paani laghbhag khatam hee ho gaya hai iss Earth par ...ye ek aisi baat hai jo ki aane waale time mein hakikat bhi ho sakti hai...agar paani ka sahe dhang se istemaal nahi kara gaya toh.
Uske baad kaafi aisi inventions ke baare mein bataya gaya hai ki kaise log paani se hee Automobiles ko chalane lage...aur dhire dhire Paid Paudhon ko kaatte gaye.
Technology ke maamle mein bhale hee insaan kitni bhi tarraki kar le...lekin at the end sabse jaruri chej vahi hoti hai jo ki jivan ko zinda rakhne ke kaam aaye......yahan dikhaya gaya hai ki kaise log Paani ki Tablets ka istemal kar ke zinda hain...yahan tak ki natural oxygen bhi nahi hai...Writer saab ne bahaut door ki sochi hai...jo ki sach bhi ho sakti hai.

Dome city ke kuch log Deval, Sarthak, Aashi aur Rupal kaise iss samasya ka hal nikalte hain aur uss city ke kayi sau saalon se purane sapne ko yani ki...paani ko dekhne ka sapna..vahan bache kuch logon ke liye pura karte hain yahi kahani ke antim bhaag mein dikhaya gaya hai

Agar insan ke paas paani na ho...toh uski kya halat ho sakti hai...iss kahani ko padhkar aur uss baare mein soch kar hee rongte khade ho jaate hain....paani ke bina dharti fir se banjar ho jayegi jaise ki apne nirmaan ke time rahi hogi.
Aur isko hone se agar koi rok sakta hai toh vo hum hee hain...isliye writer saab ki kahani se sikhte hue hume paani jarur bachana chaiye ...varna kya hoga...uske liye Kahani ko fir se padh lijiye.

Ek bahut hee bhayank aane vaale sach ko writer saab bakhubi bayan kar paaye hain...iss kahani ko padhkar kaafi achha bhi laga aur darr bhi laga...thanks for writing this story Milan2010 bhai...and All the Best

thank you so much chintu222 bhai
aapka review padhkar dil khush ho gaya bhai
jo message mai iss story ke through sabko dena chahta tha voh maine shayad de diya hai
jaankar acha laga ki aapko meri kahani pasand aayegi
agar insaan ne abhi nahi sambhala toh aane vala waqt bhayanak ho sakta hai

 

[Milan2010]

AMULYA TOHFA By Milin2010

Drak truth ke theme par likhi gayi ye story, aaj ke samaj ka aaena hai jo aane wale vhawisya ko dikhata hai. Halanki, hum ek aise vishay par likhi gayi kahani par baat kar rahe hain jiske bhaw aap ko samjh aa gaye to best hai warna kahani ka 1 para padhna bhi muskil ho jata hai. Sab se pahle main dhanywad kahna chahunga lekhak mahoday ko jinhone is vishay ka chunaw kiya...

1) Writing skill:- Halanki main Milan urf milu ko lambe samay se janta hun, unki writing skill behad achi hai. Si-fi genera ke wo ek janemane writer hai. Lekin yadi baat kare is story ki, to inka writing skill average se bhi niche tha. Pata nahi kyon, milu bhai ne itni achi kahani likhne ke bawjoood editing, sentence arrangment aur spelling mistakes yahan tak ke charecters ke nam ke chunaw par bhi dhyan nahi diya... Kayi sare nam itne milte julte the ki thoda confusion create kar rahe the...

2) storyline:- storyline ke bare me sirf itna hi ki dil jit liya. Kahani ke surwat me hi un visham paristiyhiyon ke bare me bataya gaya hai, jise yadi aaj nahi control kiya gaya to future kya hone wala hai. Storyline ka strong hona sirf is bat se pata chalta hai ki, bhale hi writer sahab editing part me alsiya gaye ho.... Spelling mistake aur sentence aarangment me bahut gadbadi ki ho, lekin kabhi bhi aap is story ko chhod kar ja nahi sakte... Wo alag baat hai ki aap ki ruchi kabhi na rahi ho gambhir vishay padhne ki tab kuch nahi kiya ja sakta ...

Positive point:- strong storyline, clear massages, and complete focused story...

Weak points:- Writing errors, Spelling mistakes, confusing character names and finally aalsi writer (aalsi writer wala Mera personal point hai milu ke liye)

Points:- 7.5 out of 10 (2 for subject, 5 for storyline, 1.5 for presentation, -1 for editing and spelling mistakes)

thank you so much nain11ster bhai
nain bhai ne meri story padhkar rebu diya
bhai jaankar acha laga ki apko meri kahani pasand aayi

bhai yeh first point jo aapne tariff ki hai uske liye mai itna kaabil nahi hu..aur rahi baat short story likhni ki toh isme mera anubhav bahut kam hai
maana ki mai itne saal se story likh raha hu par yeh meri dusri story thi jo maine kisi contest ke liye likhi hai
lekkin asha karta hu aapke suggesstion aur madad se mai aane vale dino me khud ko aur behtar kar paau
shukhriya bhai
sach kahu toh bhai maine post karne se pehle ek bar padha tha..lekin mai hamesa ki tarah khud me hi itna ulag gaya tha ki apni galityo ko dekh nahi paaya
lekin agli baar se mai aur dhyaan rakhunga aur apni story ko aur majbuti ke saath pesh karunga

sukhirya bhai

 

[Milan2010]

Story - AMULYA TOHFA
By Milan2010

Bhai sabse pahle title pe aate hai... Solid liya... Uske baad apne jo topic liya wo sabse solid sabse unique... Sab writers ne har tarah ke genre k baare me socha hoga lekin kisi ne ye nhi socha jo ap ne likha... ????? One of the master piece of work... Kadak story yaar bahut kadak... ?? Ab baat krte h story flow ki.. wo bhi superb tha.. past present future sbko ache se well timed placed kiya... Aur content to lajawab jiss tarah se aap ne likha h... Mindblowing... Pahle to ap ne dharti buri halat dikhayi... Uske baad ap ne dharti pahle swarg q thi uska reason bataya fir swarg jaisi dharti banne ka main karan Pani tha wo bataya... lekin pani kaise bana uska scientific explanation lajawab... aap jaise robo expert hi aisi kahani likh sakte... uske baad dharti ka destruction itne q hua wo b bataya... ?? Aur sath me emitions pe to apki pakad pahle se hi achchhi h.. wo bahut hi marmik tarike se likha... Uske alwa pani ko wapas dharti pe kaise laya jaa sakta wo idea b superb tha.. superb conpect superb execution... Aur wo sarthak ka marna b justify kiya story me... Full researched material story.. ???? classic writing skill with something new to read. Out of the box story... Literally water is AMULYA TOHFA
Ur story's message was loud and clear for the audience and also makes sense for the preservation and importance of water in future for our upcoming generations... ??

Thanks Milan2010 for giving us this marvelous story...

The_lost_love bhai
bhai, title mera tha..lekin story ka plot mera nahi tha, yeh plot maine THE GREAT NIKS bhai se udhar liya tha
hahahaha, bhai baat robo expert ki nahi hai..story me pani kesa bana earth kese bani use mai neglect kar sakta tha..lekin paani ki value sirf uske khatam hone par batana muje sahi nahi laga
isiliye maine voh likha ki paani aur hamari earth ese hi nahi bani hai..jaha hum abhi reh rahe hai aisa banne ke liye bahut saal lage hai..isliye yehjeevan jo humne dharti par liya hai voh bahut hi amulya hai aur paani usse bhi jyada amulya
bas jo message mai sabko dena chahta tha voh maine de diya
for the love for the story bhai