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Fantasy Saurya - ek youdha (Completed)

Kya mujhe mere likhne ka tarika change karna chahiye

  • nahi aise hi sahi hai

    Votes: 130 91.5%
  • haa (to comment kr mujhe advice d)

    Votes: 12 8.5%

  • Total voters
    142

Ristrcted

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds
Staff member
Moderator
41,576
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Hi friend maine xforum pr kafi stories padi hai aur ab mai bhi apni ek story post karne ja raha hu ab jyada wakt na lete huye
story p chalte h jaise jaise log milte rahenge unke bare m batata jaunga .
so lets go


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Last edited:

Nevil singh

Well-Known Member
21,150
53,000
173
UPDATE- 98

Ab Tak

Jwala aa chuka tha wahi Varsha ko uske room mein chod diya gaya tha wo soo gayi ti...wahi Alex main aur baaki sab Jwala ke pass aa gaye the....

Ab aage

Jwala- Saurya time shield ka sab kuch pata lagaya abhi tak yaa nahi....

Main- Haa laga liya hai maine...ab bas spiritking ko bulana hai (Spiritking yaani Saurya ka animal spirit jo ki ek lion eagle tha...ek aisa mayavi prani jiska body lion ki thi magar eagle jaise pank the uske.....)

Alex- Bulao usko jaldi se.....

Maine apni aankhen band ki aur jor se chillaya....spiritking.....agle hi pal wo mere saamne tha par akela nahi uske bagal mein hi Unicorn jo ki Niharika ka spiritanimal tha wo bhi aaya tha...

Lion Eagle mere saamne wahi Unicorn Niharika ke samne jaake jhuk gaya....

Main - Utho hume kuch kaam karna hai.....

Mera bas itna bolna tha wo jor se dahada.....uski dahad khatam hote hi waha pe ek blackhole saa kuch khul gaya par wo kisi ko khinch nahi raha tha apni oor...

Main- Kaal sarp...

Kaal sarp ne meri oor dekha aur uss blackhole ke samne khada ho gaya.....

Main- Jwala....

Thik waisa hi Jwala ne bhi kiya.....

Lion eagle bhi ussi ke saath waha chala gaya...ye hue the 3 par ek aur ki jarurat thi wo tha kappa par wo to jaa nahi sakta tha kyunki mere ander tha wo....to mujhe bhi wahi jaaana pada uss blackhole ke samne.....

Abhi main kuch karta usse pahle Alex bhi aaa gaya waha....

Main- Alex tumhari jarurat nahi hai dost tum jaao....

Alex- Jarurat hogi yaha Solar dragon ki jarurat hoti hai mujhe pata hai....aur yakkin maano agar Varsha theek hoti to wo bhi aati mere saath....

Main- ye batane ki koi jarurat nahi hai dost mujhe pata hai.....

Maine apna haath aage kiya....Main kuch bolu usse pahle hi baaki ke saare bhi apna haath aage kar liye...aur hum sabhi ke hatho se roshni nikalne lagi.....jo uss blackhole mein jaa raha tha...

Mere haath se green colour jo kappa ka tha....Alex ke haath se yellow colour...solar dragon ka colour.....Lion eagle se white colour jo....spirits ka tha...Kaal sarp se black colour jo ki uska tha....wahi Jwala se red colour jo ki Pheonix ka ths....wo saari roshiyan uss black hole mein jaa rahe the....par kuch ho nahi raha tha.....

Hum sab ek dusre ko dekhne lage iss ummid se ki kisi je paas to jawab hoga par nahi.....Jaha tak kitab mein maine padha tha yahi tarika tha Time shield banane ka par ye kaam nahi aa raha tha....sayad koi galti ho gayi thi humse....Abhi inhi khayalon ke saath main dusron ko dekh hi raha tha ki Dristi aayi aur uss blackhole ke pass chali gayi.....ye baat humme se kisi ko pata bhi naa chali thi...wo bilkul ussi jagah pe pahuch gayi jaha pe hum sab ke haathon se nikalne wali oshni mil rahi thi......jisse hua ye ki wo saari roshniyan uske upar padne lagi.....hum ye dekh paate usse pahle der ho chuki thi....sari roshni uske ander jaa chuki thi...aur wo ek energy ke golle mein badal gayi thi.....

Alex-(chillate hue) Dristiiii

Hum sab bhi chilate hue uske paas jaane lage par hum jaa nahi paa rahe the.....Dristi ussi tarah se uss black hole mein chali gayi.....uska ander jaan atha aur hum sab uski oor puri takat se daude aur iss baar hum waha tak pahuchne wale the...par tabhi uss blackhole mein ek dhamaka hua.....dhamaka jisse uss blakhole se roshni aane lagi....ye bahut hi bada dhamaka tha jiski wajah se......hum sab picche ki oor gir gaye.....aur wo blackhole band ho gaya....saath hi uske ander se Dristi bhi bahar ki oor aa gayi....

Wo girri nahi thi...wo to mazze mein udd rahi thi....hum sab uthe aur ek dusre ko dekhne lage....

Alex ko bahut gussa aa raha tha usko kya sabhi ko aa raha tha ye choti si ladki har baar kuch aisa kar jaati hai jisse humlog dang rah jate hai...par ek baat ye bhi thi ki uski pyaari si muskan se sab ke gusse ko wo dular mein badal deti thi...

Iss baar bhi bilkul aisa hi hua....aur hum sab jo usko dantne wale the wo sab bhul gaye....

Lion Eagle - Ab jaane ka waqt aa gaya malik mera....

Main- Hmm thik hai jao aur dhyaan rakhna spiritworld ka...

Uske saath chala gaya unicorn bhi....

Jwala ko maine kuch bola jisko sunne ke baad wo chala gaya waha se wahi Alex aur baaki sab bhi chal diye Mahel ki oor aur main jaldi se Earth ki oor kyunki waha mera kaam aane wala tha...

Arre jaldi jaldi mein wo Time shiled kaise bana kya hua ye samjhana bhul gaaya....

Chaliye Hero ko jaane dete hai aur hum baatein karte hai iss Time shield ki....

To jab Dristi bich mein aayi thi to hua ye ki hum sabki powers yaani wo roshniya jo thi usko usne absorb karna shuru kar diya....aur purra absorb karne ke baad uska energy level yaa kahu to uss power ko jyada badha diya....aur khud uss blackhole....mein jaa kar uss energy ko waha chod diya jisse uska nishana aur accha ho gaya tha...jis wajah se uss blackhole mein ek safed rang ki chadar fail gayi jo ki wo shield thi....ab ye kaam Saurya aur uske shathiyon se kyun nahi hua uska bhi karan hai....par abhi uss karan ki koi jarurat nahi hai......

Chaliye ab chalte hai ek baar future mein jaha par hamare naye villain ko iss baat ka pata chalta hai ki ek time shield ka nirman hua hai jiske baare mein pata chalte hi wo pagal ho jaata hai....wo turant Jordon ko bulata hai....

Villain - Kaise hua ye sab...

Jordon- Pata nahi malik...par aap chinta naa kare hum jaane ka koi bandobast karte hai....

Villain- Jo bhi karna hai jaldi karo mujhe pure universe pe raaj karna hai aur mera dusman mujhse chip raha hai....main jaldi se usko khatam karna chahta hu...

Jordon- Malik burra naa lage to ek baa.....

Villain- Jab wo chup.raha hai to kyun hamla karna yahi naa.....arre bewakoof itni bhi akal nahi kya tumme waqt rahte hi dusman ko tod do taaki wo khada hi naa ho sakke kabhi tumhare khilaf ...

Jordon- Samajh gaya malik.....

Villain- Kya samjhe mujhe bhi batao....

Jordon- Yahi ki aap bhi Marcuss ki tarah usko todna chahte hai...

Villain- Tu nahi samjega kabhi....agar samajh jaata to meri jagah pe hota....jaa tu aur mere jaaane ka koi intezam kar aur haa jaldi karna....

Jordon- Ji malik...

Villain- Inn sab ki powers main le lunga uss saurya ki uss Pheonix ki sabki bas wo waqt aa jaaye jiska intezar hai mujhe uske baad sabse saktishali main hi rahunga....koi bhi koi bhi chu tak nahi paayega mujhe....kisi ke pass koi sakti nahi bachegi main...main pure universe pe raaj karunga akela.....

Aise hi bolte bolte wo hasne lagta hai.....zor zor se...

Chaliye aaj ka yahi khatam karte hai....ab agle update mein dekhte hai thoda sa Earth ka drama jaha Marcus ke khatme ka khel shuru hone wala hai...saath hi dekhenge Jwala kaha gaya...
Welcome back Dost.
Mitr aate hi chha gaye.
Gajab ki update hai mitr.
 

mashish

BHARAT
8,032
25,908
218
UPDATE- 98

Ab Tak

Jwala aa chuka tha wahi Varsha ko uske room mein chod diya gaya tha wo soo gayi ti...wahi Alex main aur baaki sab Jwala ke pass aa gaye the....

Ab aage

Jwala- Saurya time shield ka sab kuch pata lagaya abhi tak yaa nahi....

Main- Haa laga liya hai maine...ab bas spiritking ko bulana hai (Spiritking yaani Saurya ka animal spirit jo ki ek lion eagle tha...ek aisa mayavi prani jiska body lion ki thi magar eagle jaise pank the uske.....)

Alex- Bulao usko jaldi se.....

Maine apni aankhen band ki aur jor se chillaya....spiritking.....agle hi pal wo mere saamne tha par akela nahi uske bagal mein hi Unicorn jo ki Niharika ka spiritanimal tha wo bhi aaya tha...

Lion Eagle mere saamne wahi Unicorn Niharika ke samne jaake jhuk gaya....

Main - Utho hume kuch kaam karna hai.....

Mera bas itna bolna tha wo jor se dahada.....uski dahad khatam hote hi waha pe ek blackhole saa kuch khul gaya par wo kisi ko khinch nahi raha tha apni oor...

Main- Kaal sarp...

Kaal sarp ne meri oor dekha aur uss blackhole ke samne khada ho gaya.....

Main- Jwala....

Thik waisa hi Jwala ne bhi kiya.....

Lion eagle bhi ussi ke saath waha chala gaya...ye hue the 3 par ek aur ki jarurat thi wo tha kappa par wo to jaa nahi sakta tha kyunki mere ander tha wo....to mujhe bhi wahi jaaana pada uss blackhole ke samne.....

Abhi main kuch karta usse pahle Alex bhi aaa gaya waha....

Main- Alex tumhari jarurat nahi hai dost tum jaao....

Alex- Jarurat hogi yaha Solar dragon ki jarurat hoti hai mujhe pata hai....aur yakkin maano agar Varsha theek hoti to wo bhi aati mere saath....

Main- ye batane ki koi jarurat nahi hai dost mujhe pata hai.....

Maine apna haath aage kiya....Main kuch bolu usse pahle hi baaki ke saare bhi apna haath aage kar liye...aur hum sabhi ke hatho se roshni nikalne lagi.....jo uss blackhole mein jaa raha tha...

Mere haath se green colour jo kappa ka tha....Alex ke haath se yellow colour...solar dragon ka colour.....Lion eagle se white colour jo....spirits ka tha...Kaal sarp se black colour jo ki uska tha....wahi Jwala se red colour jo ki Pheonix ka ths....wo saari roshiyan uss black hole mein jaa rahe the....par kuch ho nahi raha tha.....

Hum sab ek dusre ko dekhne lage iss ummid se ki kisi je paas to jawab hoga par nahi.....Jaha tak kitab mein maine padha tha yahi tarika tha Time shield banane ka par ye kaam nahi aa raha tha....sayad koi galti ho gayi thi humse....Abhi inhi khayalon ke saath main dusron ko dekh hi raha tha ki Dristi aayi aur uss blackhole ke pass chali gayi.....ye baat humme se kisi ko pata bhi naa chali thi...wo bilkul ussi jagah pe pahuch gayi jaha pe hum sab ke haathon se nikalne wali oshni mil rahi thi......jisse hua ye ki wo saari roshniyan uske upar padne lagi.....hum ye dekh paate usse pahle der ho chuki thi....sari roshni uske ander jaa chuki thi...aur wo ek energy ke golle mein badal gayi thi.....

Alex-(chillate hue) Dristiiii

Hum sab bhi chilate hue uske paas jaane lage par hum jaa nahi paa rahe the.....Dristi ussi tarah se uss black hole mein chali gayi.....uska ander jaan atha aur hum sab uski oor puri takat se daude aur iss baar hum waha tak pahuchne wale the...par tabhi uss blackhole mein ek dhamaka hua.....dhamaka jisse uss blakhole se roshni aane lagi....ye bahut hi bada dhamaka tha jiski wajah se......hum sab picche ki oor gir gaye.....aur wo blackhole band ho gaya....saath hi uske ander se Dristi bhi bahar ki oor aa gayi....

Wo girri nahi thi...wo to mazze mein udd rahi thi....hum sab uthe aur ek dusre ko dekhne lage....

Alex ko bahut gussa aa raha tha usko kya sabhi ko aa raha tha ye choti si ladki har baar kuch aisa kar jaati hai jisse humlog dang rah jate hai...par ek baat ye bhi thi ki uski pyaari si muskan se sab ke gusse ko wo dular mein badal deti thi...

Iss baar bhi bilkul aisa hi hua....aur hum sab jo usko dantne wale the wo sab bhul gaye....

Lion Eagle - Ab jaane ka waqt aa gaya malik mera....

Main- Hmm thik hai jao aur dhyaan rakhna spiritworld ka...

Uske saath chala gaya unicorn bhi....

Jwala ko maine kuch bola jisko sunne ke baad wo chala gaya waha se wahi Alex aur baaki sab bhi chal diye Mahel ki oor aur main jaldi se Earth ki oor kyunki waha mera kaam aane wala tha...

Arre jaldi jaldi mein wo Time shiled kaise bana kya hua ye samjhana bhul gaaya....

Chaliye Hero ko jaane dete hai aur hum baatein karte hai iss Time shield ki....

To jab Dristi bich mein aayi thi to hua ye ki hum sabki powers yaani wo roshniya jo thi usko usne absorb karna shuru kar diya....aur purra absorb karne ke baad uska energy level yaa kahu to uss power ko jyada badha diya....aur khud uss blackhole....mein jaa kar uss energy ko waha chod diya jisse uska nishana aur accha ho gaya tha...jis wajah se uss blackhole mein ek safed rang ki chadar fail gayi jo ki wo shield thi....ab ye kaam Saurya aur uske shathiyon se kyun nahi hua uska bhi karan hai....par abhi uss karan ki koi jarurat nahi hai......

Chaliye ab chalte hai ek baar future mein jaha par hamare naye villain ko iss baat ka pata chalta hai ki ek time shield ka nirman hua hai jiske baare mein pata chalte hi wo pagal ho jaata hai....wo turant Jordon ko bulata hai....

Villain - Kaise hua ye sab...

Jordon- Pata nahi malik...par aap chinta naa kare hum jaane ka koi bandobast karte hai....

Villain- Jo bhi karna hai jaldi karo mujhe pure universe pe raaj karna hai aur mera dusman mujhse chip raha hai....main jaldi se usko khatam karna chahta hu...

Jordon- Malik burra naa lage to ek baa.....

Villain- Jab wo chup.raha hai to kyun hamla karna yahi naa.....arre bewakoof itni bhi akal nahi kya tumme waqt rahte hi dusman ko tod do taaki wo khada hi naa ho sakke kabhi tumhare khilaf ...

Jordon- Samajh gaya malik.....

Villain- Kya samjhe mujhe bhi batao....

Jordon- Yahi ki aap bhi Marcuss ki tarah usko todna chahte hai...

Villain- Tu nahi samjega kabhi....agar samajh jaata to meri jagah pe hota....jaa tu aur mere jaaane ka koi intezam kar aur haa jaldi karna....

Jordon- Ji malik...

Villain- Inn sab ki powers main le lunga uss saurya ki uss Pheonix ki sabki bas wo waqt aa jaaye jiska intezar hai mujhe uske baad sabse saktishali main hi rahunga....koi bhi koi bhi chu tak nahi paayega mujhe....kisi ke pass koi sakti nahi bachegi main...main pure universe pe raaj karunga akela.....

Aise hi bolte bolte wo hasne lagta hai.....zor zor se...

Chaliye aaj ka yahi khatam karte hai....ab agle update mein dekhte hai thoda sa Earth ka drama jaha Marcus ke khatme ka khel shuru hone wala hai...saath hi dekhenge Jwala kaha gaya...
welcome back writer ji awesome update
 

Ristrcted

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds
Staff member
Moderator
41,576
36,855
304

Ristrcted

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds
Staff member
Moderator
41,576
36,855
304
aap itne bade writer hai to ji lagana to banta hai na writer ji
:nope: me naat bada writer men bade writers ki koi quality nahi apan me
 

Ristrcted

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds
Staff member
Moderator
41,576
36,855
304
aese kese nahi hai aap bade writer ye to aapko lagta hoga ki aap bade writer nahi hai ye to ham reader logo se puchiye ki kese ham log aapki story ke update ka wait karte hai aur wait bhi usika kiya jata hai jo bada ho ya achha ho writer ji
Ab rulayega kya :cry2:
Update bas ready hai editing mein thoda time lag sakta hai par aaj hi dunga
 
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