★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[nain11ster]

Gand ka showroom by chutiyadr

Waise main sahi bataun to mere liye ye pahla anubhaw tha jab main is tarah ki koi story padh raha tha... Dark comedy ke sath sath dark naked comedy bhi thi...

About writing :- achi writing skill hai aap ki lekin ise thoda aur improvement ki jaroorat hai... Comedy ko shabdon me utarana aasan nahi hota aur jab sab jaan rahe hain ki story comedy hi hogi tab usme jo emotional scene hote hain na usme mehnat ki jaroorat lagti hai warna wo feel.nahi hote .. jaise ki sarita, Raju aur lila ke emotional scene ke sath hua...

Storyline:- dark humour story jo bilkul ek lay me chalti hai.. short story ke hisab se perfect words me likhi gayi aur logon ko hasane wali bhi... Lekin kahani ke hisab se dekha jaye to sirf aur sirf bas ek aakhri ka scene kahani feel karwata hai baki ek lay hai jisme comedy aur emotions dale gaye hain...

Note:- visay ko chun'na short story me ati aasyak hai... Jis hisab se aap ne ye story likhi hai .. is se he to pata chalta hai ki aap ko short story likhne ka anubhaw hai ... Isliye anurodh hai ki ek aur story de aur uske kuch sensitive vishay jaroor de...

Positive point:- dark comedy ho, simple comedy ho, romantic comedy ho, ya horror comedy ho.. comedy genera hi likhna apne aap me sarahniya hai... Uske alawa short story ek perfect shape me hai jahan limited shabdon me puri story likhi gayi aur kahin bhi ye feel na hua ki words ka misuse kiya gaya hai...

Negative point:- lacking of strong storyline... Emotional scenes thode aur touchy hone chahiye the..

Overall points :- 7 (2 for your writing skill, 2 for your presentation, 1 for successful effort in comedy, 2 for your story line)

 

[nain11ster]

Pyara Jhagra by akki333

Copied story .. narrated from motivational video of husband and wife quarrel

 

[Akki ❸❸❸]

Anjel priya
smartphone

writer - Rahul bhai

kahani bhot bdiya hai,.

Aj kal ke pyaar ka yahi chutiyapa hai

duniya badi chirandh hai,
duniya badi chirandh

 

[harshit1890]

Story- Dangee
Writes harshit1890
Bhai mast narration thi han thoda sa dark tone tha par kya kare aaj kal ke jamane ki jo halat hai isse sirf kale ranga se likh jaa sakta hai.. Shwdon ka bohat hi acha upyog kiya hai aapne.... Pure story Maine shawdo aur emotion feeling ko achese dikhaya tha... Aise story wakeye Maine dil ko lagti hai jis pe sirf manoranjan na hike ek MESSAGE bhi ho.. Really bohat pasand aaya bhai....

Thank you so much bhai

Story = https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/#post-1480409] Dangee[/URL]
Writer = harshit1890


writer sahab ne reality ko touch karke kahani ke madhyam se samaj mein ho rahi kuch ghatnaye jaise dangee, jisme chupe huye kuch dardnaak raaz ko sarthak roop se explain karne ki koshish ki hain .. aisi dangee ke khabar kabhi kabhar news mein ya akhvaar mein bhi aate rahte hai . jishe dekh aur padhke dukh toh padarshit karte hai par shayad kabhi kabhi iski ghahraiyo mein chupe kuch ghatnao ko samajh nahi pate ... yahan pe ek baat par gaur kiya jaye.. ush aurat babe mein joh chhoti si news di gayi hai ki usne khudkhusi kar li... ushe padhke log yahin sochte ki usne jo kiya ya toh tandav mein aake kiya ya phir gharwalo ke wajah se.... par uske piche chupi sachhai toh kuch aur hi thi... jishe nazar andaz kar diya gaya .... thik waise hi ush aurat ke pati ya sasur joh aise dangee ke aad mein ghinaune kukarm karte hain, unhone bhi pehle kabhi aise news padhte huye nazar andaz kar dete honge.. par aaj wohi ghatna unke ghar mein hi ghat gayi....
Kuch log dangee karte hai charo aur aag lagane ki tammana rakhte hai par yeh nahi sochte hai ki wohin aag ki lapte unke ghar tak bhi pahunch sakte hai...
Writer sahab ne jish mudde ko lekar kahani likha aur jish tarike se aise dangee mein kuch ankahin kahaniya bhi chupi rah jati hai joh kaafi peeda dayak hoti hai, ushe darshane mein puri tarike se kamyab rahe.. .
So harshit ji Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill

Thank you so much

Dangee
By harshit1890

Harshit bhai ki jab bhi koi story aati hai toh usme humesha kuch na kuch unpredictable hee hota hai
Iss baar ummed thi ki chicha koi Thriller likhenge...lekin unhone humare saamne pesh kari ek aisi kahani ya yun kahein ek aisi sacchai jo ki iss samaj mein ho rahe atyacharon ko darshata hai.
Suruat hoti hai ek Ladki se jo Dango ke beech ghar se bahar nikalti hai keval apna farz pura karne jo ki uska uski sasu maa ke prati hai.
Lekin uss bechari ko kya pata tha ki aaj uskee uske saath kya hone wala hai.
Lekhak ne jo dikhaya hai ki kaise kuch log Dangoo ki aad mein aise kaam karte hain jiski naa hee unhe parwah hoti hai aur naa hee usse hone vaale nuksan ka sochte hain...bas karte hee jaate hain.
Uss ladki ke saath jo unn logon ne jo kara...vakayi mein ye ek aisa topic hai jiske peeche ki sacchayi sach mei kaafi bhyanak hai...uss ladki ka dard vo hee samhaj sakta hai jisne kabhi aisa kuch saha ho.
Aur ant mein aakar uss bechari ladki ne khudkhushi kar li..aur dange karne vaalo ka ko koi kuch nahi kar paaya.
Writer saab ne jis tarah se iss topic ke baare mein socha aur usse pesh kara..sach mein kaafi kaabile tareef hai.
Story ke narration kaafi bhadiaa hai aur uske peeche ka motive ek strong message dena hai ki kaise kuch logon ke dwara kiye dangee kaiyon ki jindagi hee khatam kar dete hain.
Overall a great story..good screenplay as well as strong message...thank you so much bhai for bringing such a hidden topic in front of us..and All The Best

Thank you so much chintu

Dangee
by harshit

sach m story m dange k vo roop dikhaya h jo real m kabi b news m ya newspaper m nhi btaya jata

isme insano m chhupe shaitan k bare m btaya jo ese time b jaha logo ki madad k liye ho waha jism ko nochane k bare m dekhte h vo y b nhi dekhte isme koyi apna b sikar ho sakta h

bas story har jagah sirf jism k bhuke janwaro k bare m dikhaya h lekin dango m sirf esa hi nhi hota jaha b jao wahi y chl rha ho

Thank you so much bhai
Motive sirf ek message tha, hota to bahut kuch hai

Story - Dangee



Link- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/post-1480409



Writer- harshit1890



About story-

Jandaar aur shandar

Social plot par bani ek bahut hi achche se narrate ki gayi story , padh kar dil khus ho gaya ..

Is contest ki yahi to khasiyat hai ki achchi achchi stories padhne ko milti hai ..

Flow aisa tha ki kahi bhi tuta nahi , narration bahut hi achcha tha ,

Dangree apne aap me hi ek sensitive topic hai , usme kai haniya samaj ko uthani padhti hai , sabse jyada jis chij ki haani hoti hai wo hai samaj ke naitikta ki , bas usi naitaikta ke lutane ki kahani is story me dekhne ko milti hai ..



Kuchh line mujhe bahut pasand aayi

bahut hi badiya lines



Wah



bahut sahi chij likhi hai dost



Ager kamiyo ki bat ki jaye to is story me kami dhundhana bada muskil tha , sivay ek ke ki dangee ke sabhi pahluo me se kewal ek ko hi chuna gaya tha ,lekin last aate aate laga ki ye bhi thik hai kyoki shayd writer ek hi pahlu ko dikhana chahte the ..

Aur ek kami thi lekin ise kami nahi kahunga , ye thoda funny hai ki itane achche writing skill ke sath bhi writer ne chhodna ki jagah par chodna likha hai

Khair roman likhne walo se hone wala ye sabse common mistake hai so ignore kiya ja sakta hai

Note for writer –

Harshit bhai aisi badiya story ke liye aapka dhanywad , bahut hi sensitive plot ko bahut hi achche tarike se dikhaya aapne , aapne jis tarah se story narrate ki wo style bhi mujhe bahut pasand aaya…

Best of luck for contest ?

Thank you so much bhai
Han kuch word chhut hi jatte hain kahin na kahin

 

[nain11ster]

Story fake faminism .. by akki333

Story ki not as per the rule less than 800 words

 

[Rbcl.007]

Story- angel priya
Writer- Rahul
Story-Fake feminism
writer- Akki ❸❸❸
bhai aap dono ka story bohat achi hai par guideline ke hisab se atleast 800 words hone chahiye par aap dono ka uss se bohat kam hai plz agar ho sake to thoda sa adjust karke atleast 800 words ka banake mod ko inform karo post karne ke liye ye wali dono story barna disqualified ho jayengi

 

[Rbcl.007]

Ayush2017 bhai aap ke kahani post na hui hai ek baar check karlo... Sirf titel hi post hua hai...

 

[_ABHAY]

Bahut hi umda kahani likhi he bhai. Suru me jab padha to ek thriller lagi. Aisa laga ki jaise koi jasusi upanyash padh rahe ho. Fir jab agla scene aaya to sab kuch badla hua tha aisa lag raha tha ki koi pariwarik film ya daily shop ka episod ho. Lekin kafi emotional tha jab tha rony Mumbai nahi aata. Jab rony mumbai aaya to aisa laga ki sayad ye koi don banega ya fir us repoter ki ma ya bahan se milega aur usaki maut ka badla lega. Lekin story ne fir u turn mara aur rony ko naukri mil gayi aur bhiya aur bhabhi mumbai bhi aa gaye. Mene fir apna dimag lagaya aur socha ki ab malhotra aur bhai ke beech kuch hoga aur rony badla lega. Lekin fir lekhan ki lekhani ke mujhe bataya ki beta tu reader he to reader hi reh writer banane ki koshish na kar. Aur is baar jab padhna suru kiya to rony khndar me dar ke mare kaap raha tha. To mukhe isame horror ka tadka laga lekin fir me galat sabit hua aur wo to kavita ki atma nikali. Me fir confused ho gya aur story suru se padhni suru kari lekin ye naam kahi nahi dikha. Fir jab aage padhna start kiya tab pata chala ki ye to wo reporter he jise pighalte hue shishe ke container me daal diya tha malhotra ne.

Wah bhia ek hi story me kayi cheje dikga di. Thriller, family drama ke jariye emotional kar diya, aur last me halka sa horro bhi daal diya.
Bahut achhi story likhi he.

Ty so much ammu bhaiyaaaa for such a beautiful and lovely rebu....
Itni kuch khass haan but meri best story hai yeh... Jahan kam sabdon me har point dikhane ki koshish ki...

 

[_ABHAY]

"Paap Ki Ghadi"
By: _ABHAY

Story ka title Paap ki Ghadi...isse padh kar laga ki ye ek aisi kahani hogi jahan kisi ne koi paap kara hoga..aur fir uske saath jo hua hoga..wahi sab writer ne bataya hoga.
Lekin nahi......suruat hui ek kaafi hila dene vale scene se jahan Malhotra naam ke ek shaks ne apni power dikhate hue pehle kisi duggal ko aur uske baad ek reporter Kavita ko maar dala.
Iss point par laga ki abb koi revenge game hone vala hai...lekin abhi toh hero ki entry hee nahi hui thi.
Hero Rony....kaafi suljha hua character laga...lekin har uss aadmi ki tarah jise naukri ki talash mein bahaut mehnat karni padti hai...ye bhai bhi kaafi ghisva chuke hain apni.
Aur jab kuch nahi hota toh ye Mumbai jaane ka faisla kar lete hain.
Aisa lag raha tha ki abb vahan ye Malhotra se milega aur kuch ulta pulta kaam karega..lekin nahi..writer saab ne yahan ek bahut hee interesting twist diya hai.....
Khandar vala scene ne halki bahut horror ki jhalak bhi daali story mein.
Kavita ki aatma apna badla legi vo bhi iss tarah...ye bilkul unpredictable tha...kaafi bhadia socha writer saab ne.
Ek watch jo ki Rony ke bhai ne use di thi..vo uske liye kuch alag hee tarah ka samay dikha rahi thi.
Uss watch ke through Kavita ne apna badla liya Malhotra se...aur ant mein ek haapy ending ki tarah apna hero chacha bana aur uss bacchi ko Kavita naam de diya.....kaafi bhadiaa lagi ending.
Family drama, emotion, horror aur bhi kaafi kuch ek saath dekhne ko mila

Overall ek bahut hi suljhi hui kahani...jisme kuch bhi jada confusing nahi tha...aur saaf motive tha ye batana ki Bure logon ka ant Bura hee hota hai....thanks for writing this story Abhay bhai...and All the best

Ty so much bhai... For a beautiful and lovely rebu...
Pichli story mai Maine jo mistakes ki bas usko dhyaan me rakh yeh likh raha tha ki kahi koi kami yaa confission na reh jate kisi ke mann mai.... Bus or fir last me jo sabko pasand aata hai happy ending....

 

[chintu222]

Anjel Priya
By : Rahul

Story kaafi thik thak thi..kuch stories choti hokar bhi kaafo damdaar hoti hain..lekin ye kuch jada hee choti lagi
Baki jada kuch nahi hai kehne ko..bas yahi samhaj aay ki kaise jaldbaji mein aur jazbaati hokar liye gaye faisle kaafi had tak galat hee hote hain..isliye soch samhaj kar koi faisla lena chaiye
Try karo Rahul bhai ki thoda word limit ko dhyan mein rakhte hue..fir se post karo story.
All the best