★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[kamdev99008]

Falling in love
Hindi
By ~ Fighter
pyar.............love at first sight

sahi kaha mom dad ne..........
"jaise ladko ko hak hai pyar jatane ka..... vaise hi ladki ko bhi hak hai sweekar karne ya na karne ka"
"jise hum pasand karte hain, jaruri nahi ki wo bhi humein pasand kare"

good story

10 me se 6 ank

 

[kamdev99008]

सातवां टोना..
हिन्दी
Vijay2309
बहुत खूब विजय भाई.......
ध्वनि प्रदूषण की समस्या बहुत बड़ी है......... लेकिन..... उसका सबसे बड़ा सच...........

"हम अपनी सुनते ही नहीं....और दूसरे की सुनना नहीं चाहते...... यानि खुद इस प्रदूषण को फैला कर भी अपनी गलती को सुधारना तो छोड़ो ये भी नहीं मानते कि हमने कुछ गलत किया.... और दूसरे की गलतियाँ सुधारना ही नहीं बल्कि उनको पूरी तरह से रोक देना चाहते हैं.... सारा दोष उनके माथे मढ़्कर

is kahani ko 10 me se 8 ank

 

[kamdev99008]

TITLE Wah Kiya Pyar He
Lucky lerka
ek routine love story.....

10 me se 4 ank

 

[Damha]

My review for
Love with a fixer
By
Damha
Bhai iss kahani ko padhne mein bahot takliff hui mujhe bahot ziada time laga word ki samajhne mein k kia likha hai, kia word banta hai, pronounciation kia hai etc.
Aap ki writing bahot hi different hai, kahunga ghalat hai. Aap words ko weise nahin likhte jeise likhna chahiye, samajh mein nahin aata aap kia likhte ho Damha bhai. Lunch box padha tha wahan to itni takliff nahin hui thi padhne ki yahan pata nahin aap ne kyun eisa likha hai ke padha hi nahin ja raha araam se. Bahot mushkilon se padhna complete kiya main ne. Pfffff
Ab aate hein kahani par pehli baar aaj main ne ye lavz suna, fixer. Kia real mein yeh bhi hota hai kia?
In general kahani achi hai. Bahot parts cinematic lage jeise dulhe k mehendi k waqt Ruhi ko lekar bahar jana, fight, rape attempt sab filmi lage.
Emotion to bilkool bhi nahin dikha. Emotion ki 100% kami thi jabke eisi kahani mein jabardast emotion ho sakte the. Jiss waqt Neha Aryan ke life k bare mein bata rahi thi sab banawati laga. Jeise fake bata rahi thi.
Haan jab jab Aryan Pari k saath tha uss waqt baap beti ka pyar chalka aur acha laga.
Lagta hai ye kahani bahot hi jaldi mein likha gaya hai, araam se nahin likha gaya. Mujhe eisa laga.
Last part to aur bahut ziada filmi laga hab supposedly Artan mar
Gaya tha aur Ruhi k kiss k baad dil dhadakne lage, full filmi
Jiss waqt ek dusre ko i love you kaha gaya tha feel bilkool nahin tha, feeka tha.
Sab kuch jeise sirf likhne aur padhne k liye hi tha ziada kuch nahin.
Ek baat samajh mein nahin aayi. Sab muslim families hein nah? To Aryan aur Neha to muslim names nahin hein? Donon Hindu names hein!! To Pakiatany Muslims hote hein nah to Hindi names keise inke? Yeh main nahin samjha.
Aur bhai ek contest mein hissa lene k liye story likho to full words, shabd ko full to likho ba yaar? Ye sms form mein kyun likha hai? 3non teenon. Aur bahot saare eise sms form words hein kahani mein.
In general story bahot acha hai magar isska feel mujhko bilkool bhi nahin hua bhai sorry. Lunchbox iss se 100 gunah behtar hai mere hisaab se.
Anyway all the best.

1st of all thanks for review casinar ab ate hai sawalo per bhai wording pehle he bohat zada ho gayi thi jis wajha se emotions theek se show nahi karwa saka but ye ek aham point tha aur language bhai I am from Pakistan sahi kahu to ye story HINGLISH me nahi roman Urdu me likhi gayi hai jis wajha se ap ko wording me problem huwi hai Aryan and neha ka naam bhai bohat se aise naam hai jo Hindu Muslim same hai ye 2 naam mere cousins ke hai jo Muslim hai Aur filmi scene han ye sahi tha jab story likh raha to saath me movie bhi daikh raha tha ab lon c movie thi ye to nahi bata sakta kiu ke ab mujhe bhi yad nahi hai After contest iss ko ss me post karu ga wahan ap ko emotions wording sab mile gi once Again thanks for review

 

[Damha]

TITLE - LOVE WITH FIXERR

LANGUAGE- HINGLISH

WRITER - Damha

ahmad (mirror id damha ) bhai ki ye kahani shuruat me ek aam kahani ki tarah paisa aur pyar ki lagi........lekin aage badhne par jab pari ki kahani samne ayi to aryan ke ek naye roop ka pata chala .... wo wastav mein insaniyat ki ek misaal tha............ jis aurat ne paise aur power ke liye uska pyar hi nahi uska ghar aur apni beti bhi thukra di............usi ki beti ko palna usne apni jindgi ka maqsad bana liya..............
soniya ka to koi character hi nahi........ jo tha..... wo bhi characterless
ruhi....... rahhes bap ki confused beti.......... jise ghar parivar nahi mila..... bas paisa mila........ aur pyar bhari batein sunkar hi kisi se bhi impress ho jati hai....... confused mind
kahani likhne ka andaj average se oopar raha.......... koi suspense nahi banaya lekin jis tarah se ghatnakram dikhaya.... ek suspense thriller ki tarah bahut se raaj dhire dhire khule

is kahani ko 10 me se 7 ank

1st of all thanks for review kamdev bhai shuru se keh raha hu main emotions aur cracters sahi se show nahi karwa saka kiu ke pehle he wording zada ho gayi thi Aur ye story me ne tezi me likhi hai shayad 1.5 ghante me aur recheck bhi nahi kia anyways thanks for your valuable review

 

[Damha]

TITLE - THE LUNCH BOX STORY
LANGUAGE - HINGLISH
Damha
jindgi me apko apke karmo ka fal awasya milta hai....achchha ya bura.........jaise bhi karm kiye ho
haan,samay jarur lag sakta hai......... lekin wo fal jab milta hai.........wohi sahi samay hota hai
isliye jeevan me sabkuchh aj ke fayde ke liye mat karo...........kuchh aisa bhi karo jisme aj apka fayda nahi lekin dusre ka fayda ho raha ho

achchhi kahani hai

is kahani ko me 10 me se 7 ank deta hu

Thanks for review but review kam lesson zada diya ap ne story ke bare me end me likha wo bhi ye achi kahani hai anyways thanks for your valuable review

 

[Damha]

TITLE - LOVE WITH FIXERR

LANGUAGE- HINGLISH

WRITER - Damha

ahmad (mirror id damha ) bhai ki ye kahani shuruat me ek aam kahani ki tarah paisa aur pyar ki lagi........lekin aage badhne par jab pari ki kahani samne ayi to aryan ke ek naye roop ka pata chala .... wo wastav mein insaniyat ki ek misaal tha............ jis aurat ne paise aur power ke liye uska pyar hi nahi uska ghar aur apni beti bhi thukra di............usi ki beti ko palna usne apni jindgi ka maqsad bana liya..............
soniya ka to koi character hi nahi........ jo tha..... wo bhi characterless
ruhi....... rahhes bap ki confused beti.......... jise ghar parivar nahi mila..... bas paisa mila........ aur pyar bhari batein sunkar hi kisi se bhi impress ho jati hai....... confused mind
kahani likhne ka andaj average se oopar raha.......... koi suspense nahi banaya lekin jis tarah se ghatnakram dikhaya.... ek suspense thriller ki tarah bahut se raaj dhire dhire khule

is kahani ko 10 me se 7 ank

G damha Ahmad ki he mirror I'd hai

 

[Seducer1-7]

Review on story वो कोन थीं
Written by Chutiyadr

Mene pehle bhi aapki bahut si story padi hai or sabhi bahut badhiya likhi thi apne, is lekhni me suspense or thrill dono hi tha magar har mansik roop se bimar vyakti ki kahani ka ant ek jesa hi hota hai, khair agar koi vyakti mansik bimari ka shikaar hai toh us ka ilaaj bhi hospital me reh kar hi hona chahiye, yaha sagar ko samajna chahiye tha ki madhu ki haalat behad kharab hai or situation toh pehle se out of control thi, yaha dil se nahi dimaag se kaam lena jaruri tha par sagar se esa nahi kiya, use ghar pe reh kar ilaaj karwane ka decision galat saabit hua or usi ke chalte usne apni jaan or apni ijjat dono gawa di, kahani bahut badhiya thi or apne readers ko akhiri tak baand ke rakhe hue thi, best of luck for contest

 

[kamdev99008]

Thanks for review but review kam lesson zada diya ap ne story ke bare me end me likha wo bhi ye achi kahani hai anyways thanks for your valuable review

bhai yehi mera tareeka hai.....sochne ka......... me shabdon ke jaal ko nahi uski bhawna ko samajhta hu

 

[Chutiyadr]

bhai yehi mera tareeka hai.....sochne ka......... me shabdon ke jaal ko nahi uski bhawna ko samajhta hu

Yahi galt karte ho kyoki compitition morality ki nhi story ki hai,yanha shabdo ka jal jyada mayne rakhta hai...Khair saka apna tarika hai...