★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[humtum]

REVIEW

STORY - Haunted

WRITER- humtum


LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-6#post-746549

PLOT – Sahi hai dar sirf aur sirf hamare dimag me hi hota hai …

simple aur sweet si story hai,lekin is simple si story me gajb ka suspense hai ,jise writer ne create kiya hai ,

Bade hi itmminan se likhi gayi story lagti hai ,har ek line bahut hi khubsurat hai ,jis tarh scenes ko define kiya gaya hai wo bhi bahut hi khubsurt ban pada hai,chhote chhote details par kaam kiya gaya hai jo ki is story ko aam se khas bana deti hai ..

Aur end me story ko purn rup se explain karne wali line-

Today he came to know that it was the fear of everyone and his mind that created the ghost.

Lekin iske alawa bhi is story me ek moral hai ..bhai ladki aapse wo bhi karwa sakti hai jisse aapki fatati hai




NOTE FOR WRITER – humtum bro gayab ki story hai ,mujhe sabse jyda pasand aayi aapki detailing,jo chhoti chhoti chijo ko aapne focus kiya hai wo story ka level aur bhi jyda badha deta hai ..aur end ke liye ek sahi line chuni hai aapne…

Best of luck for contest….

a lot dr. saab its pleasure to read your detailed review on both of my story. its always encouraging to read review from writers like you

 

[humtum]

REVIEW

STORY - haunted

WRITER- humtum

Meri english utni achhi hai nahi lekin padhna aata hai, aur aapki ye story excellent hai. short story ke hisab se es se behtar nahi ho sakta kuchh...ek simple si baat ko aapne aise darsaya hai apne story me ki kya kahe.

haunted house ka ek ek scene aise likha ki padhte huye lagta hai hum khud us ghar me ja rahe hai ball khojne.

excellent narration , plot simple hote huye bhi aapne use best bana diya apne lekhni se....situation ko bahut achhe se likha hai aapne ....kamaal hai aapki lekhni short story ke hisab se.language pe bahut command hai aapka, chahe vo english ho ya hindi.

best of luck for contest .

thanks aakash bhai nice to see your review for both of my stories

 

[KR$NA]

Baba ki pahadi By Notebook

To is kahani ka plot aisa hai ki ek hero apni heroine se pyaar karta hai dono bhaag ke ghar basaate hai, aur baad me ladke kamaane ke liye pahli baar shehar chala jata hai aur wahan galat sangat me aakar bhatak jata gai aur ghar ko bhool jata hai, plot ko jabardast tarike ke sajaya gaya hai suspense se, aur dard aacha bhara hai khass kar Baap beti ka conversation

Ek baat batani padegi bhai apki Hinglish me pakad aachi hai aabtak apki story hi mili jisme mujhe dikkat nahi huyi padhne me kuch, Narration superb tha to us hisab se flow bhi jabardast bana, aisa lagta hai aap kahani likhne ke aadi ho kyunki story likha bahoot hi aache se gaya

Thanks for writing such a wonderful story . All the best for contest

 

[Casinar]

My review for
Love with a fixer
By
Damha
Bhai iss kahani ko padhne mein bahot takliff hui mujhe bahot ziada time laga word ki samajhne mein k kia likha hai, kia word banta hai, pronounciation kia hai etc.
Aap ki writing bahot hi different hai, kahunga ghalat hai. Aap words ko weise nahin likhte jeise likhna chahiye, samajh mein nahin aata aap kia likhte ho Damha bhai. Lunch box padha tha wahan to itni takliff nahin hui thi padhne ki yahan pata nahin aap ne kyun eisa likha hai ke padha hi nahin ja raha araam se. Bahot mushkilon se padhna complete kiya main ne. Pfffff
Ab aate hein kahani par pehli baar aaj main ne ye lavz suna, fixer. Kia real mein yeh bhi hota hai kia?
In general kahani achi hai. Bahot parts cinematic lage jeise dulhe k mehendi k waqt Ruhi ko lekar bahar jana, fight, rape attempt sab filmi lage.
Emotion to bilkool bhi nahin dikha. Emotion ki 100% kami thi jabke eisi kahani mein jabardast emotion ho sakte the. Jiss waqt Neha Aryan ke life k bare mein bata rahi thi sab banawati laga. Jeise fake bata rahi thi.
Haan jab jab Aryan Pari k saath tha uss waqt baap beti ka pyar chalka aur acha laga.
Lagta hai ye kahani bahot hi jaldi mein likha gaya hai, araam se nahin likha gaya. Mujhe eisa laga.
Last part to aur bahut ziada filmi laga hab supposedly Artan mar
Gaya tha aur Ruhi k kiss k baad dil dhadakne lage, full filmi
Jiss waqt ek dusre ko i love you kaha gaya tha feel bilkool nahin tha, feeka tha.
Sab kuch jeise sirf likhne aur padhne k liye hi tha ziada kuch nahin.
Ek baat samajh mein nahin aayi. Sab muslim families hein nah? To Aryan aur Neha to muslim names nahin hein? Donon Hindu names hein!! To Pakiatany Muslims hote hein nah to Hindi names keise inke? Yeh main nahin samjha.
Aur bhai ek contest mein hissa lene k liye story likho to full words, shabd ko full to likho ba yaar? Ye sms form mein kyun likha hai? 3non teenon. Aur bahot saare eise sms form words hein kahani mein.
In general story bahot acha hai magar isska feel mujhko bilkool bhi nahin hua bhai sorry. Lunchbox iss se 100 gunah behtar hai mere hisaab se.
Anyway all the best.

 

[humtum]

My view on Amar-Kalpana written By The Immortal

maine story to padh li thi lekin review karne me der kar diya, koi na ...ab de deta hu. ye kahani apne naam ke hisab ke kalpnao ke aadharit ek reality ko darshati hai. immo bhai ne apne achha prayash kiya hai ese behtar story banane ka aur main uske es prayash ki sarahna karta hu.

apne es prayash me bahut had tak safal bhi huye hai, kahani ka flow bahut achha hai agar kuchh spelling mistake ko na dekha jaye to...mujhe padhne me jyada dikkat nahi aayi use. narration bhi achha hai aur dialogue bhi, simple lines hai jo log aam zindagi me use karte hai, jyada filmi nahi hai.

Immo bhai yeh kahani mujhe to bahut passand aayi. Bahot hi accha likha hai aapne. best of luck for contest

 

[kamdev99008]

32 hindi and 8 english....40 stories

ok

i am starting with hindi

 

[humtum]

32 hindi and 8 english....40 stories

ok

i am starting with hindi

last se start karna kamdev bhai

 

[Casinar]

My view on mera hero written by Casinar

Chachu maaf kariyega late review dene ke liye maine story padh liya tha same day jab aapne post kiya lekin abhi tak comments nahi de paya. Aapki story hai to laajbaab to hogi hi aur aapne koi kasar nahi chhori hai ese behtar banane me aur saath me eska emotional connect aapki story ko super se upar banata hai story ka flow bahut achha tha silky smooth writing , aapki pakad hindi story pe bhi badhti ja rahi hai narration bahut hi controlled tha aur emotional part ko bahut achhe se likha tha aapne.

Aapne plot dusro se alag liya tha ye achhi baat thi contest ke hisab se aur usko apne sahaj tarike se pesh kiya uske liye thanksaage bhi aise hi likhte rahiye aur dusro ka hausla badhate rahiye.
Best of luck for contest

Bahot shukriya HT bhai review k liye.
Mujhe khushi hai k aap ko story achi lagi. Thanks again.

 

[kamdev99008]

TITLE - MITTI KI KHUSHBU

LANGUAGE- HINDI

WRITER - CHUTIYA DR

kahani ka subject bahut respected hai.... lekin bahut repeated bhi hai..........aam taur par hum deshprem ko sirf fauj se jodkar dekhte hain.... aur baki sabko aur unke desh prem ko darkinar kar dete hain........... is kahani me halanki ise highlight to kiya gaya hai bar-bar ki sirf fauj se hi nahi kisano se bhi desh ki raksha hoti hai.... deshwasiyo ki raksha hoti hai... kisan ka yogdan kisi fauji se kam nahi.......... jaisa swargiya Lal Bahadur Shastri ji ne kaha tha "Jai Jawan Jai Kisan" arthat kisan bhi ek fauji jawan ki tarah samman pane ke adhikari hain........ lekin is kahani mein hui ghatnao me aisa kahin bhi nahi laga.......... balki aisa mehsus karaya gaya ki apke liye desh sewa ki pehli shart fauji ban jana hai........... uske bad jab ap fauji nahi bane reh sakte tabhi secondry stage me kisan banein.... yehi ram singh ne kiya......... yehi sochkar uska beta fauj me bharti hua....... aur yehi uske pote ne bhi seekha.... ki pehle fauji bano....... fir jab fauji na raho tabhi kisan ban'na hai...................... lekin kisan bane rehna kisi ki bhi prathmikta nahi rahi.... unke liye kisaani humesa secondry option raha.........
ye akele dr sahab ki hi nahi................ desh ke bare me likhnewale aur padhnewale bhi... adhikansh logo ki soch hai ki desh sewa sirf fauji hi karte hain.... baki to sab secondry hain.......... lekin me manta hu har vyakti jo is desh me rehkar apne liye bhi kuchh kar raha hai...... wo desh sewa hi hai....... kam se kam sarkar par bojh to nahi dalega ya ...kuchh bojh kam karega....... sabse badi desh sewa taxpayers karte hain........... jinke kamaye paiso ke tax se sarkar aur fauj ka kharcha chalta hai.....

ab writing skills............ dr sahab ke likhne ke andaj ke to ham sabhi kaayal hain humesha se........... is kahani ko bhi inke narration style ne bandh ke rakha .............

me is kahani ko 10 me se 5 ank deta hu.......... dr sahab ki lekhan shaili aur kahani ki laybaddhta ke liye

 

[Chutiyadr]

32 hindi and 8 english....40 stories

ok

i am starting with hindi

jaldi karo aise bhi late ho gaya hai
pahle meri do stories