My Review for
Saatwan tona
by Vijay2309
Saatvan tona
Train abhi theek se ruki bhi nahi thi ki mujhe bahar se kisi ne aavaj lagayi....
"" Saahab ye kitaab le lo saahab sirf 10 rs ki hi to hai bas..""
Maine ek baar kitaab bechne wale ki taraf dekha koi 36 ya 37 saal ka adhed yuva jiski dadhi bhi ab safed hone lagi thi...
Maine namr ho kar us se kaha...
"" Dost mujhe is tarah ki kitaab padhne mai koi ruchi nahi hai , tum apna samay mujh par vyarth na karo..""
""Saab satvan tona hai is me , ek baar padhke to dekhiye....mai aapse shirt laga ke kah sakta hu ki aap aathven tone ke baare mai pucchne jarur aaoge....
Maine ek thandi saans lete hue us se kaha...
"" Dekho dost wese mujhe jarurat nahi hai , lekin tumhari koshish ke aage 10 rs ka koi muly nahi hai...mai is kitaab ka mukhprashth padhunga or agar mai thoda sa bhi prabhavit hua to tum se ye kitaab le lunga...""
Meri baat sunakar uske chehre par suraj ki tarah chamk aa gayi or usne saharsh apni mundi hila di....
Maine ab pahla panna padhna shuru kar diya...
* Aap sabhi ne aksar tone totke ka jikar suna hoga..totka kabhi bhi dukh ya badha ka Prateek nahi raha , totka hamesha labh arjit karne or apne pariwar ko surakshit rakhne ki aastha ka prtiroop hai..ya kuch is tarah se kahe ki ye ek kavach ke roop main bhi kaam karta hai...kher hum totke rupi bahas ko jyada mahatv na hi de to ye jyada accha hai...**
Maine abhi itna hi padha tha ki train ka kaan faadu horn baj utha , maine us ladke ki taraf dekha jo train ke horn ki aavaj sun kar ghbra sa gaya tha....shaayd use laga hoga ki ye kitab main ab us se nahi lunga...lekin kisi ka dil todna mere usoolon ke khilaf hai isiliye maine furti dikhate hue apni jeb se ek 20 ka note nikala or use de diya....usne mujhe wo bache hue paise loutane chahe lekin maine use lene se mana kar diya...
Train ab chal padi or bheed ki railmpel mai wo vyakti meri najro se gayab ho gaya...
Gantavy tak pahuchne main mujhe abhi 3 ghante or lagne wale the isliye maine wo kitaab padhni shuru kari...
** Dushman se agar peecha chhudana ho to uble hue chaval ki paanch pindi murge ke taza khoon mai duba kar dushman ke ghar mai fenk do....dushman ka sarvanash ho jaaega...***
Ye padhte hi mere muh se nikal gaya....katwa liya khud ka chutiya....or karo chalayi....
Khud ko koste hue maine wo kitaab apni bagal mai ludhaka di or bahar ke nazare dekhne laga...
Pichhale 8 ghante se mai safar kar raha tha or boriyat mujh par itni haavi ho chuki thi ki kaise saamne bethe bujurg ka murder kiya jaaye mai uska plan banane se bhi nahi chuka...mai apna matha jhatk ke khada hua or train mai bane shochalay ki taraf badh gaya...
Waha se nivrit ho kar mai phir se apni seat par ja betha or wo kitaab padhne laga...
** Ruthe mehboob ya mehbooba ko manane ke liye till ke tel mai machhali fry karke khilao wo hamesha ke liya aapki/ aapka ho jaaega...***
Mene ab apna sir pit liya...kya bakwas kitaab thi...ek baar to man kiya ki isko khidki se bahar fenk du lekin abhi kaafi lamba safar tha isliye khud ke seene pe patthar rakhte hue mene use phir se padhna shuru kiya....agla panna palt te hi mujhe kuch alag nazar aaya jo ki ek kahani ki tarah likha gaya tha...
** Agar aise hi is ghar mai chalta raha to mai jarur pagal ho jaaunga , tum mai se koi is ghar mai shaanti se nahi rah sakta hai kya...har samay bas chikh chillahat , amma kuch to lihaaj karo apni umar ka , itna jhgda karogi to swarg ke darwaje bhi nahi khulenge tumhare liye or ek ye tera pota sara din rota rahta hai....kabhi kabhi to aisa lagta hai ki yaa to khud ko khatm kar du ya tum sabko...
Baramde ke kone mai sahmi si khadi kavita apne pati ka gussa dekh thhar thhar kaanpe jaa rahi thi ..or isi kamp kapahat mai pani se bhara steel ka glass uske haath se fisal jaata hai...
Tnnnnnn tnnnnnnnn tnn tnnn
Glass ke girne ki aavaj sun kar rahul or bhadak jaata hai or apne pariwar ko koste hue ghar se bahar badh jaata hai....
Panwadi ki dukaan se cigarette rahul abhi jala hi paaya tha ki uske kaano main ek aavaj padi...
"" Ramesh tujhe pata apne nadi wale shmashan mai ek pahunche hue tantrik aaye hue hai...lekin unse milne mai bas ek samasya hai....unse milne ke liye aapke saath ek stree ka hona aavashyak hai...""
Mere kaan ye baat sunakar khade ho gaye...mai seedha waha se nikla or kavita ko bataya or use lekar shmashan ka rukh kar liya...
Humara number aate aate raat ke 8 baj chuke the or ab hum aakhiri dukhiyare hi bache the waha jo us tantrik ke samaksh virajit the...
"" Baba mai pareshan ho chuka hu apne pariwar se....har samay bas chikh chillahte hi ghar main rahti hai....kripa karke koi samadhan karen...""
Baba ne ek bharpoor nazar hum dono miya bivi par daali or apne saamne rakhe ek paatr se kuch utha ke hum dono ko khaane ko diya...
Bina soche samjhe maine or kavita ne vo baba ka prshad samjh ke khaa liya or thodi hi der baad mujhe ek jordar jhatka laga....kavita apni jagah se uth ke apne kapde utarna shuru kar chuki thi or naa jaane kab mai bhi khada hua or puri tarah nirvastr ho gaya...
"" Mujhe tum dono ka kaam ras is paatr mai chahiye....isliye samay vyarth mat karo or kaam krida mai lag jao..""
Hum alinganbadh ho gaye or kuch der baar hi mene use ghutno pe bethaya or peeche se dhakke lagane shuru kar diye takriban 15 minute tak dhakke lagate rahane ke baad maine apna sir uthaya to dekha ki baba ab apni jagah se uthe or apni dhoti nikaal kavita ke muh ke saamne khade ho gaye....
Unke vishal ling ko dekh mai thhar thhrane laga or jor jor se saanse leta hua jhadne laga....kavita abhi bhi jhadi nahi thi is liye usne ab apni yoni baba ko samarpit kar di...
Laghbahg 35 minute baba or kavita ki kaam krida dekhne ke baad maine baba ke muh se hunkar suni or kavita bhi apne charam pe pahunch ke thharthharane lagi...***
Kitab mai kahani padhte padhte maine buri tarah se kasmasate hue ling ko adjust kiya or phir se kahani padhne laga...
** Baba ne ek paatr kavita ki yoni ke neeche rakh diya jis se tapkata hua kaam ras us paatr main ikattha hone laga....jaldi hi paatr mai acchi matra mai kaam ras ikattha ho chuka tha....baba ne usme do chaar cheeje or milayi or apne paas main shanti se bethe hue murge ki gardan pakad ke ek jhatake mai uda di...ab baba us murge ka khoon bhi us paatr mai bharne lage or puri tarah se bharne ke baad saamne jal rahe havan kund ki ladkiyo par rakh kar use sabji ki tarah hilane lage....***
Sex scene jaldi khatam hone ka mujhe jara bhi andaza nahi tha....abhi maine socha hi tha ki shochalay mai jaakar ling ki akad nikaali jaaye lekin yaha to sex scene hi khatam ho gaya....maine naarajgi mai apni mundi hilate hue aage padhna shuru kiya...
** Takriban 10 minut baad baba ne wo paatr chimte ki madad se aag se bahar nikala or us gadhe dravya ko ek bottel mai bhar diya...
Baba ne mujhe bottel dete hue kaha....
"" Ye satvan tona hai , isko apne ghar ke kisi kone mai rakhna or ab tum apne vastr pahan ke ghar jaa sakte ho...koi pareshani ho to subah yahi chale aana...""
Hum log khushi khushi baba se aagya lekar ghar ki taraf chal pade....bottel ko ghar ke ek kone mai rakh shaanti se neend ke aagosh mai khho gaye...
Subah mujhe ahsaas hua koi mujhe jor jor se hila raha hai...maine aankhe khol ke dekha to kavita apne muh se na jaane kya kahne ka prayas kar rahi hai...mujhe kuch sunayi nahi de raha tha....pure ghar mai shanti faili hui thi....naa mujhe amma ki chikchik sunayi de rahi thi or na hi munne ke rone ka shor
Mujhe kuch bhi samjh nahi aa raha tha ki aakhir ye ho kya raha hai....mai kuch bolne ki bhi koshish kar raha tha to mujhe khud ki aavaj bhi sunayi nahi de rahi thi...
Mera sar bhnnane laga tha ab...kavita ke aansu thamane ka naam nahi le rahe the....maine amma ki taraf dekha to wo bhi mujh se kuch kah rahi thi lekin mujhe kuch sunayi nahi de raha tha...maine apni aankhe band kar li or kal ki ek ek baate mujhe yaad aane lagi....
"" Nahi nahi....ye maine kya kar dala...""
Man main sochte hue maine shmshaan ki taraf doud laga di...jaha vah baba abhi bhi virajit the...mujhe dekhte hi baba muskura uthe or yaha aane ka karan puchne lage..
Aashcharya ki baat thi ye kyoki jo baba ne kaha wo mujhe sunayi de gaya...maine rote rote baba ko apna haal sunaya or baba bole....
""
Ye saatvan tona hai ise wapas nahi liya jaa sakta hai...lekin ek raasta or bhi hai.....tumhe ek kahani likhni hogi jisme kal se aaj tak ka pura vrittant ho...or tumhe wo kitab kisi aise vyakti ko bechni hogi jo tumhari kitaab ko dekh kar tumse wo kharid le...bechne mai mili rakam tumhe apni priy vastu kharidane athva khaane peene ki vastu kharidane mai kharch karni hogi tab tumhare uper se ye tona utar jaaega ,lekin kitaab ke aakhir main tumhe kuch or bhi likhna hoga jis se wah tona kitaab kharidane wale ke uper chadh jaaega..""
Maine jhat se baba se pucha..
"" Kya baba..??""
Or unhone kaha...
"" Kiya karaya ab sab mujh par ""**
Tabhi ek jhatake se train ruki , mera dhyan ab kitaab se bahar tha lekin mujhe kuch bhi sunayi nahi de raha tha.....mere saamne bethe bujurg mujhe badi ajeeb nazron se dekh rahe the...mai chillane ki koshish kar raha tha lekin tab bhi mujhe kuch bhi sunayi nahi de raha tha...
Mujhe jor jor se chillata dekh us bujurg ne mera hath pakada or apne honth hilane laga...lekin mujhe ab kuch bhi sunayi nahi de raha tha , mujhe ghabraaya dekh us bujurg ne mujhe peene ke liye paani diya or maine wo saara paani ek hi saans mai pii liya jaise main janmon se pyasa tha...
Shaayd mere chikhne ki aavaj se waha kaafi log aa gaye the....maine apne haath main pakdi us kitaab ko dekha or foot foot ke rone laga...
Lekin jaldi hi khud ko sambhalte hue maine us kitaab ka akhiri panna phir se padhna shuru kiya...
**""
Ye saatvan tona hai ise wapas nahi liya jaa sakta hai...lekin ek raasta or bhi hai.....tumhe ek kahani likhni hogi jisme kal se aaj tak ka pura vrittant ho...or tumhe wo kitab kisi aise vyakti ko bechni hogi jo tumhari kitaab ko dekh kar tumse wo kharid le...bechne mai mili rakam tumhe apni priy vastu kharidane athva khaane peene ki vastu kharidane mai kharch karni hogi tab tumhare uper se ye tona utar jaaega ,lekin kitaab ke aakhir main tumhe kuch or bhi likhna hoga jis se wah tona kitaab kharidane wale ke uper chadh jaaega..""
Maine jhat se baba se pucha..
"" Kya baba..??""
Or unhone kaha...
"" Kiya karaya ab sab mujh par ""**
Ye Sab padhne ke baad mujhe samjh aa chuka tha ki satvaan tona mujh pe chadhaya ja chuka hai...tabhi to is aadmi ne mujh se kaha tha ki satvaan tona jaanne ke liye aap mujhe dhundhte hue wapas aaoge...shayad aathvan tona hi saatve tone ki kaat hai....maine train ke dibbe main hi do char logo ko wo kitaab hawa main lahra kar dikhayi lekin shayad un logo ko mere haath mai wo kitaab dikhayi hi nahi di...
Mai buri tarah se is musibat main fans chuka tha....maine apne dimaag ke ghode har taraf doudane shuru kiye or jaldi hi mujhe samjh aa gaya ki aathvaan tona kya hai..kaise ab mujhe is musibat se bahar nikalna hai mai ab ye bhi samjh chuka tha....maine apna laptop uthaya or jo bhi aaj pure din main mere saath hua usko ek kahani ka roop dekar pdf mai convert kar liya..kahani ke aakhir main mai ye likhna bilkul bhi nahi bhula....
"" Kiya karaya ab sab mujh par ""
Kahani ka pdf maine ek online book site par bechne ke liye rakh di us par 50 rs ka tag laga kar....
Takriban ek ghante tak us site pe sar khapate rahne ke baad bhi abhi tak meri book ka pdf kisi ne bhi nahi kharida...isliye maine us book site pe 500rs ki ek book pasand kari or usko kharidane ke liye 450 rs advance payment apne kar diya.....ab jaise hi mere wallet mai meri likhi hui book ke paise aaenge wo 500 rs wali book meri ho jaaegi....
Yahi sab karte karte naa jaane kab meri aankh lag gayi or jab jaaga to dekha ki saamne betha hua bujurg mujhe dekhte hue muskura raha hai....
"" Ab kaise ho....mere khyal se ab tumhe theek lag raha hoga...""
Mujhe ab sab sunayi de raha tha isliye maine unko muskura kar dhnyaawad kiya or phir se lepatop mai lag gaya....
700 log saatvan tona kharid chuke the.... lekin mene us pe dhyan nahi diya kyonki meri pasand ki book ka pdf meri mail id par aa chuka tha...
Ghar pahuch chuka tha main ab or jaise hi maine tv on kiya mere pairon ke neeche se jaise dharti khisak gayi....
""*** Duniya pe aaj ek bahut bada aatanki hamla hua hai...duniya ki aadhi se jyada aabadi naa jaane kaise bahari ho gayi....kis tarah ke hathiyar ka istemal hua hai or ye hamla kisne karwaya hai abhi tak is baare main koi jaankari nahi mil payi hai...
Jin logo ke saath ye ghatna hui hai unme se kuch ne hume bataya ki ye kisi saatvan tona namak kitaab ki vajah se unke saath hua hai....jab humari team ne takniki team ne is baare main jaankari nikalna chahi to unhen pata pada ki saatvan tona namak pustak ek penni se lekar ek rupaye tak har bhasha main uplabdh hai....
Ye book sabse pahle kisne post kari is baare main abhi tak kuch bhi pata nahi pad paaya hai....."""*****
**** Kiya karaya ab sab mujh par ****
"""** Duniya main fail raha dhvani pradushan bhi kisi saatven tone se kam nahi hai...""***
kissi ko heyraan hone ki baat nahin ke main ek devnagri mein likhi hui kahani ko keise review de raha hoon. mujhko devnagri mein padhna nahin ata aur
Vijay2309 ne chaha ke main usski kahani ko review doon, to main ne uss se kaha ke wo apni devnagri ko hinglish mein transliterate karke mujhe dega to avashya review dunga, so ussne kiya wo proof bhi saath mein quote karke post kar raha hoon.
So aate hein kahani par....
yeh ek bahot hi dilchasp kahani hai jo mujhe behad passand aye, padhna shuru kiya to ruka bilkool nahin end tak padhta hi gaya kyunke eisi kahaniyan hote hi eise hein ke chorrne ka mann nahin karta balke jee karta hai ke aage aur bhi ho padhne ke liye. bahut mazedaar kahani hai aur lekhak ne issko baakhubi likha aur isska varnaan kiya hua hai.
veise main magic kahaniyan padhta nahin aur yeh ek magic category mein jata hai aur eise magic kahaniyan hon to padhne mein maza zaroor ata hai.
Personally to main totka, jadu, ojha vaghaira inn sab jizon par bilkool bhi yakeen nahin karta, ek shunya pratishak bhi nahin karta yakeen magar iss kahani mein padhna bahut acha laga. dilchaspi badhti gayi jaanne ke liye ke aakhir end keise hoga...
padhte waqt bich mein samajh mein agaya ke padhne wale ussi kahani ko dobara likh kar kissi aur ko bechna hoga taake wo wapas sun sake kynke padhne ke baad wo to behra ho gaya tha, aur maze ki baat yeh thi ke ek train ke safar ke dauraan hi sab kuch guzra, issko Vijay ne bahut achah sambhala ke safar ke dauraan hi sab kuch ho gaya, wahin se laptop se kahani ko padhne wale ne dobara likh kar post bhi kar diya kissi site par jahan se log books kharid kar padhte hein pdf dwara....
Aur iss kahani ki end to aur bhi jabardast raha... itna zabardast ke media ne isko ek aantank ka hamla bataate hue broadcast kiya
jitne logon ne is kahani ko net par padha sabke
sawaal yeh hai ke kia unn logon ne nahin likh kar post kiya totke ko? kyun?
kahani ke last line jiss se lekhak ne iss kahani se judkar dikhana chaha ke aaj kal jo dunya mein ho raha wo uss tone se kum nahin iss line se lekhak ne usse saabit karne ki koshish kiye end line se
"
"** Duniya main fail raha dhvani pradushan bhi kisi saatven tone se kam nahi hai...""***
Vijay2309 bhai ap ko iss kahani ke liye agar main judge hota to first prize zaroor deta, Mera rating full marks hai isske liye 10 over 10
bahot shukriya eisi dilchasp aur mazedaar kahani ke liye, aur haan mera aakhri line padhna zaroor
*
*** Kiya karaya ab sab mujh par **** 
but aapka reply aaya toh shukar manaya. 
बहुत ही उम्दा कहानी है ये विजय भाई द्वारा। विजय जी की राइटिंग स्किल काफी अच्छी है और निसंदेह कहानी काफी रोमांचक और पाठक को बंधे रखने वाली है. कहानी में नयापन है. किस तरह ट्रेन में सफर करने के दौरान कहानी का मुख्य पात्र एक किताब न चाहते हुए खरीदता है और फिर किस तरह सिर्फ वो किताब के कारण तथा फिर पृथ्वी की काफी बड़ी आबादी भी उस व्यक्ति के कारण बहरी हो जाती है. विजय जी की कहानी से हमे इंटरनेट के दुष्प्रभाव भी जानने को मिलता है.
Khair, story pe aate hain.. Plot bhale bahut jyada naya na ho lekin story likhane ke tarike se ek freshness bani rahi.. Shabdo ke khubsoorat jaal bine hain aapne jiski vajah se padhane ka maja badh jata hai.. Aapki story do part me divide ki jaa sakti hai, first happy wala part jaha aapne halke fulke mahol me romance ko oanapte dikhaya aur dusra part jisme sad love siskate huye dikhaya hai. Khair, pyar ke kahani me ya pal Aise hi aate hain.. Overall the best part of the story is the end, specially the way you have written it.
