★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[kamdev99008]

Title- MAA-BAAP
Language- Hinglish
Saagar
apki kahani bahut badhia lagi... lekin jo last me hua wo ek negative approach thi....mujhe maloom tha mostly log yahi karte hain.....
lekin samajhdar log nahi........
vaise agar vishwanath samajhdar hi hota to ye naubat hi nahi ati....
hum apne bachchon ko itna jyada materialistic aur money minded bana dete hain ki pehle to wo humari hi soch ke hisab se sirf fayde ke liye hi har kam, har sambandh banate aur chalate hain baad me jab humare sath bhi wo ye theory apnane lagte hain to hum bechare ban jate hain aur dukhi hote hain...... aulad me ye badlav ek din me nahi ata unhein sanskar dene hote hain..... jo hum nahi dete.... hum sirf unhein paisa, career aur paise ki andhi daud me mukaam hasil karna sikhate hain........... mansik tarakki nahi bhutik (materialistic) tarakki

is kahani ke stage par bhi sahi nirnay hota ki bap bete ko paisa dene ki bajay bete se kehta ki "theek hai...hum bhi tumhare sath hi raheinge ab to...isliye tumhare pas jo intzam hai wo do... me tumhari maa ke nam par ek flat lekar de deta hu" agar beta paisa deta to theek hai.... maa baap ko sath rakhna uski majboori ban jati... aur baap ke na rehne par bhi maa ka dawab bana rehta................ aur agar wo paisa nahi deta tab bhi unke pas apna 30 lakh hota... mumbai jaise shahar me na sahi apne gaon ya jis shahar me wo rehte rahe the wahin 10-20 lakh ka makan lekar marte dam tak bank se byaj ke paise nikalkar bhi jindgi jeete rehte............

lekin MOH santaan ka andha moh............ yehi unke dukhon ka karan tha..... apne ho ya paraye.... vishwas sab paar karo... lekin ankh moondkar nahi...................... in dono ki aisi kayartapurn maut ki bajay ending agar positive hoti to kahani ek udaharan sthapit karti........... bap to aj bhi kama hi raha tha.... bete ko paisa diya to kahin se karj lekar nahi diya ..... kuchh aur bhi dimag laga sakta tha apne itne saalon ke experience se............... to shayad kuchh kar sakta.......... lekin bete ke moh aur moh tootne ke dard ne un dono ko asan rasta chunne diya

is kahani ko 10 me se 5 ank .............

 

[Mak]

THE LUNCH BOX STORY
By : Damha

A quite simple story of a kid and his problems in life. Plot is very simple. Anyways, Nice attempt. Try to think more and read more stories.
Best of luck for the contest.
______________

 

[Mak]

Baba ki pahadi
By : Notebook

Wow! Such a lovely tale. Plot wasn't new, but the way you have presented the story is very nice. Flow of story is superb.
To be honest, your writing style reminds me of someone. Anyways, Thanks for such beautiful story.
Best of luck for contest.
____________

 

[mohit98075]

Title : Ehsas
Writer : mohit98075

kahani ki shuruwat bahut hi achi thi, pehle ke kuch lines me kho sa gaya tha
par uske baad story ka flow halka sa tut ta hua laga, aur fir toh vahi saas-bahu ke jadge and all
yeh part thoda boring sa laga
par uske baad amit ki sachai ne plot palat diya, aur anu ko hakikat ka samna karwaya voh scene ne story ko pakad kar rakha
neha ka character mere hisab se thoda jyada hona chahiye tha
kuch jagaho par spelling mistakes thi, par overall story bahut hi achi thi
I want to give 8/10 points for this story

sorry mohit bhai, agar meri kisi bhi baat ka bura laga ho

Suruwat wali line likhne me hi Jo time laga mujhe uske baad utne hi time me Puri story complete kar di
Kahe ka bura lagega Jo Mai apni taraf se likh sakta tha vah likha ... Sabka apna nazariya hota padhne ka baad kaha galti hui usko hi malum hota aur readers ka adhikar hota unko kesa laga ....
milu for beautiful review

 

[mohit98075]

TITLE - EHSAAS
LANGUAGE - HINGLISH
WRITER - mohit98075
Ye kahani jindgi ke ek bahut bade sach ka aina dikhati hai................mana ki jindgi se sabko kuchh na kuchh chahiye hi hota hai... lekin humari chahto ki had unke dayre ko paar na karein jinhein humne apnaya hai......... aisa nahi ki anu ko apni jindgi me rang bharne ka hak nahi.... lekin ye faisla use khud tak hi lena hoga........ kyonki neha ko apne faislo me shamil karne ka use hak nahi....... neha ko bhi use wahi hak dena hoga.... apni jindgi ke faisle lene ka jaise wo khud ke liye chahti hai........ na ki uspar apne faisle thop de
bhaarat hi nahi duniya bhar me har maa-baap sirf apni khushi ke liye nahi ghar banate aur chalate ........ balki apni santan ki khushi ke liye samjhaute karke bhi jude rehte hain...... agar ye moh hi chhod diya jaye to hi apne liye jiya ja sakta hai.............
aisa bhi nahi ki har stree ko apne pati se ya purush ko apni patni se sath rehne ki wajhah se prem ho jayega.......... lekin kuchh apwado ko chhod dein to har purush aur stree ko santan se prem jarur hota hai........ chahe sath rahe ya na rahe.....is kahani me bhi dur rehte huye bhi neha se jo prem mohit ko tha wo amit ko shayad kabhi nahi ho sakta..... kyonki amit ki nazar me neha bhi anu ki tarah ek anjan stree hi hai....... aur normally ek anjan purush aur stree ke beech akarshan sirf sharirik hi hota hai.... kitni bhi lachchhedar batein ki jayein......... lekin yehi katu satya hai.......... halanki ye akarshan parichit hone par bhi hota hai.... lekin wahan moh aur sambandh tootne ka dar humesha kadam badhane se rok leta hai..... jo aparichit ke mamle me lagu nahi hota

khair kahani bahut gambhir vishay par hai.....
me is kahani ko 10 me se 8 point deta hu

Bahut acche se har pahlu ko point out kiya kamdev Bhai
for beautiful review

 

[mohit98075]

My view on Ehsaas By - mohit98075

Bahut late review de raha hu apne bhai ko, pahle socha tha review nahi dunga kisi ko lekin dusre ko diya to tumko kaise nahi dunga.

Simple aur sweet story hai ye, bahut se pehlu ko dikhaya hai tumne apne short me jo asaan kaam nahi hai . Achhe se un sare pehlu ko mila ke anjaam tak pahuchaya hai lekin word limit jyada tha to thoda aur likhna tha to eski baat kuchh aur hoti. Contest ke hisab se multidimensional approach sahi nahi hota hai, flow break ho jata hai. Tumhara language pe command achha hai aur vo dikha hai. Child abuse ko mention kiya hai story me aur forum pe hum usko jyada details me nahi likh sakte ye ek majboori ho sakti hai.
Narration achha tha aur limited dialogue achhe se likhe gaye the, padhne me kisi ko dikkat nahi aayegi. Mujhe padhte huye achha laga kyoki main link kar pa raha tha
Best of luck for contest

Aapne review Diya vah bahut hai mere liye
ht Bhai

 

[mohit98075]

Ehsaas by mohit


Bahut hi khoobsurat story likhi hai bhai ne.

Kahani anu aur Mohit ki kamjor understanding par hai. Mohih ka apni maa ki side lena Anu ko pasand nahi hai to wahi Mohit bhi Anu jataa nahi paata hai ki wo usase kitna pyar karta hai .

Amit jaise bhediye ko bakhubi dikhaya aap ne jo samaj me naye shikar ki talash me idhar udhar safed posh ban kar muh marte rahte hain .
Anu ke beti ne jab use Amit ki kartoit batayi to Anu chup rah gayi, Use chup nahi rahna tha . Amit ko uske is ghinaune harkat ki saja deni chaiye thi par kaisi vidambana hai hamare samaj ki agar anu kuchh ho halla karti tab bhi wo aur uski beti hi badnam hoti .
Bht achha flow hai story ka kab ant ho gaya pata hi nahi pada .

Lovely story beautiful narration

Amit ko saza Dene ki jaha tak baat ....jab aakli mahila apni beti ke sath rahti hai to ese mamlo me samaj ki nazariya kis nazar se dekhne lagti hai sabko pata hai ...isliye us part ko jayada na khicha ....
for beautiful review KR$NA

 

[The Immortal]

AMAR-KALPANA (DEPTH OF LOVE) by The Immortal


Immo bhai sabse pahle to suno Jab maine kahani ka naam padha tha to socha tha ki koi prachin type ki story hogi like jodha - Akbar or bajirao mastani par lekin ye ek khoobsurat love story thi jisme love , emotions aur bahut sara suspence bhara hua tha .

Kahani ka plot used to nahi hone ki wajah se reader ko baandh kar rakhne me poori tarah kamyab raha Kahani me love story ke do stages hain ek bhooli huyi jis se Amar aur kalpna anjan hain aur ek Amar kalpna ki tatkalik love story.

Amar ka devotion gajab ka tha ye jante huye bhi ki kalpna ke pahle pyar ke mil jane par uska nuksan ho sakta hai phir bhi banda laga raha uske bf ko khojne me wakai aisa pyar naseebon ki baat hai warna aaj kal to seedhe "tujhe maar kar mar jaunga" wala dilougue de marte hain lovers ek doosre ke munh pe

Story ka flow aur suspence shandar hai jo ki ant tak barkaraar rahta hai, bas ek baat is pyari si kriti ko kalpnik kahani kar deti hai aur wo hai Amar aur kalpna ka after accident same bimari "
VASCULAR COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT" ho jata aur dono ki memory lost ho jati hai, Ye rarest rare se bhi rare laga mujhe .

Aap ki bhasha par pakad shandar hai,Story ka flow gajab ka hai,Story ka plot superb hai . Thanks for posting this wonderful story bhai

KR$NA sir Ka review
First of all thank you for your wonderful review
Mujhe khusi hui apko meri peshkas Pasand aayi . Apka ye review bohat mayne rakhta hai mere liye.
Bas Kuch Naya likhne ki kosis thi isliye inti rare cheeze likhi , like opera Ka play which was real incident same year same date.
Well meri liye yahi kafi hai ki apko kahani Pasand aayi
Once again thank you for your wonderful review

 

[The Immortal]

Review for - DOSTI , PYAR AUR JINDEGI

By Rbcl.007

First of all thank you for your lovely story
Kahani ek ladke or ladki ki hai , Jo pehle toh ladte jhagdte hai fir unme dosti ho aur Ghar wale or samaaj ki galatfami ki wajah se unki sadi Kara di jati hai ,,
Kahani Ka plot Acha hai, narration BHI Acha hai , bas but language par pakad thodi kamjor ya sayad apki shaily Hindi Nahi hai . Khair mujhe apki kahani Pasand aayi .
Once again thank you for this lovely story

 

[Geralt of Rivia]

Review of वो कौन थी writer Chutiyadr

काफी अच्छी कहानी लिखी है Chutiyadr ने। इनके लेखन कौशल ने मुझे काफी प्रभावित किया। अगर आपने अभी तक यह कहानी नहीं पढ़ी है तो जरूर पढ़ें और उसके बाद ही रिव्यू पढ़ें नहीं तो कहानी पढ़ने का मजा फीका हो सकता है। कहानी एक मानसिक रोग पीड़ित माधु की कहानी है जो एक हादसे में अपने पिता व भाई को खो देती है जिन्हे वह बहुत चाहती थी। उसके बाद वो एक मानसिक रोग से ग्रसित हो जाती है जिसमें उसे उसका मृत भाई नजर आती है। मधु के पति ने उससे केवल सम्पत्ति के लिये शादी की है परन्तु मधु को लगता है कि उसका पति उसको बहुत प्रेम करता है। मधु का पति उसे धोखा भी दे रहा है तथा उसे नींद की दवायें भी दे रहा है। जिससे उसका मानसिक स्वास्थ्य बिगड़ ही रहा है। मधु को अपने पति पर शक है और कल्पना में ही वह एक स्त्री की रचना कर लेती है जिसके उसके पति से सम्बन्ध हैं। जिसे वो छाया का नाम देती है। हालांकि वास्तविकता में मधु के पति आकाश के नाजायज सम्बन्ध नौकरानी रूपा के साथ है। अपनी कल्पना में भाई की बाद मानकर वह अपने पति व नौकरानी की हत्या कर देती है।
कहानी का चित्रण काफी अच्छा है, सुपाठ्य है, डायलाॅग्स अच्छे हैं। कहानी में कोई भी कमी मुझे नजर नहीं आयी। इतनी अच्छी कहानी पोस्ट करने के लिये लेखक महोदय बधाई के पात्र हैं।