★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Ankitshrivastava]

Story - SHATIR KATHPUTALI



Link- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/post-1550554



Writer- Ankitshrivastava



About story-

Shandar aur jandaar

Bahut badiya suspense raha , puri story bahut hi kasi hui thi aur kahi bhi thoda bhi hint nahi mil raha tha ki akhir katil koun hoga

Hint mil jaaye to fir suspense hi kam hone lagta hai ,

Last tak achchi pakad ke sath story chali , narration bhi bahut hi achcha tha , har ek point ko achche se explain kiya gaya jisse end clear ho gaya

Note for writer –

Ankit bhai kamaal ki story likhi hai aapne maja hi aa gaya

Har angle se story achchi hai , suspense story thi aur suspense kut kut kar bhara hai story me , kahi koi loos point nahi aur last me sab kuchh bahut hi khubsurati se samet bhi liya aapne sab clear kar diya

Aise hi likhte rahiye aur hame achchi achchi stories dete rahiye

Best of luck for contest ?

Thanks Chutiyadr .....happy to see ur good reaction.....

Ye mera short story me 1st try tha.....fir bhi aapko pasand aaya..to khushi hui ki main kuch accha likh paya.....

Aur suspence ka aapne sahi kaha...""jo hint de de....wo suspense kaisa..""

Yahi story ek alag andaaj me start karne ja raha hu...i hope aapko pasand aay....


Thanks buddy......

 

[Damha]

Thanks Chutiyadr .....happy to see ur good reaction.....

Ye mera short story me 1st try tha.....fir bhi aapko pasand aaya..to khushi hui ki main kuch accha likh paya.....

Aur suspence ka aapne sahi kaha...""jo hint de de....wo suspense kaisa..""

Yahi story ek alag andaaj me start karne ja raha hu...i hope aapko pasand aay....


Thanks buddy......

Usc ke baad start karna

 

[Damha]

Story:- Amulya tohfa


Writer:- Milan2010


Review:- Ye kya tha bhai Itni science story me achi nahi lagti hum apni books ki science parh lete hai hamare liye ye he bohat bari baat hai Lekin ap ki soch ko salute hai Sach me Hume hamare banane wale ke diye tohfe ki qadar nahi hai Pani ki qadar abhi hame nahi hai kiu ke insaan ke paas jo cheez hoti hai us ko us ki qadar nahi hoti lekin Jab wo cheez hum se cheen jati hai tab us ki qadar ka Ahsaas hota hai Bohat zabardast tareeke se ap ne Story ko narrate kia Story ma Flow bhi bohat acha tha Story me bohat se aise alfaz the jo mujhe samajh he nahi aye adhi story to mere liye aljabra ke sawal he ban gye the lekin phir bhi story parh ker bohat acha laga umeed karta hu aage bhi ap ki stories parhne ko milti rahe gi Best of luck for contest

 

[Ristrcted]

Story- लॉकडाउन - एक सज़ा

Writer - Rockstar_Rocky

Bhai kya story likhi aapne dil chu gayi matlab sabd hi naa bache mere paas iski tarif karne ko. Fir bhi koshis karta hu.

Aapki likhne ki shaili bahut hi acchi hai padhte waqt aisa lag raha tha ke main hi Mannu hu aur jo uska dard tha uski khushi jo last mein aaayi wo sab mein mehsus kar paa raha tha.

Review dena aata nahi mujhe bhai to aant mein bas itna hi kahunga bahut acchi story thi dil ko chu jaane wali.

Best of luck

 

[Damha]

Story:- Dil ki tarap


Writer:- Lucky lerka


Review:- Narration zada ache se nahi kia gaya Flow bhi Theek tha Kuch samajh nahi aya kon kis oo pyar karta hai kis se baat ker raha hai kon wapis aa raha hai kon ja raha hai bahi ap ko character intro dena chahiye tha nahi to kam se kam character ka naam bata dete to acha rehta Bhai mujhe ap me ek story likhe ki chah Nazar ati hai shayad ap ko yaad ho pichli baar main ne ap ki story per review dia tha jis me main ne ap ko kaha tha Apna plot le ker aao mujhe khusi hai ke ap ne waisa he kia Bhai main ap se kehna chahta hu ke jab ap story likho to story ko thora time do ek plot socho phir likho Chahe ek he likho lekin aisi likho ke tareef kiye bagair raha na jaye Main umeed karta hu next time main ap ki story jab daikhu ga to wo detail me ho gi Narration bhi achi ho gi aur flow bhi acha ho ga is ke liye ap ko sirf 2 kaam karne hai “read a lot and write a lot” Ap ne koshis ki mujhe is ki qadar hai Nest of luck for contest

 

[Damha]

Story:- परा विद्या

Writer:- nain11ster


Review:- Main story ke baare me zada nahi keh sakta kiu ke main ne theek se story nahi parhi kiu ke translate ker ke parhne me bohat mushkil hoti hai Lekin main ne complete parhi hai jis se mujhe story ka Narration aur flow acha laga Ek behtreen kahani jis me bohat kuch daikhne ko mila Umeed karta hu aage bhi ap ki story aise he parhne ko milti rahe gi Best of luck for contest

 

[Damha]

Story:- वो मुलाकात

Writer:- Sweet_Sinner


Review:- To kahani shuru hoti hai ek larke se jo apne dost ki behan ki shadi me gaya tha jahan se pata chalta hai in ki dosti kitni pakki Hai shadi me moti moti auntiya daikh ker apna hero full garam huwa huwa tha ab apne hero ko ghar jane ki jaldi aa gayi jis wajha se dost ke lakh kehne per bhi Wo nahi ruka aur nikal gaya Ek to apna launda oehle he garam tha upar se barish ne char chand lagae huwe the upar ee rikshe Wala gaane aise laga ker baith gaya ke hero ki bardasht khatam hone lagi khair hero station pohancha Aur ha ker bench per baith gaya Ab launda apna garam huwa huwa tha Us ka dil Johnny bhai ko daikhne ka huwa to launde ne nikala apna phone Aur handfree laga ker laga Johnny bhai ke darshan karne Lekin beech beech me larka Idhar udhar ke mahool ka jayza bhi le raha tha kanhi koi daikh to nahi raha lekin sab log apne kaamo me masroof the kisi ke paas time na gha iss ko Johnny bhai ke darshan karte huwe daikhne ka Abhi larka jayza le he raha tha ke Tabhi launde ke saamne video se bhi khubsoorat maal aa gaya launde ne Johnny bhai ko Ignore karwa ke band kia Aur alga larki taarne Tabhi un mohtaram ne daikha ye launda sab se alag baitha hai iss ko apne husan ke jalwe dikhaye jaye aur Mohtaram aa gayi larke ke paas Train ka time puchne Lekin launda to full larki je saath station me he bistar lagane ke khawab daikh raha tha jis wajha se us ne larki ko saaal repeat karne ko kaha larki ne sawal repeat kia jab larke ne train ka suna to station ka bistar sidha train ke bathroom me pohanch gaya larke ne apni dandiya nikalte huwe kaha mohtaram hum bhi usi raah ke musafir hai jahan ke ap ho lekin us me abhi waqt hai larki ko launda mashkook laga to wo larke se dur ja ker khari ho gai lekin larke ne itni gandi hawas ki nazar se larki ko daikha ke larki ka mood ban gaya aur wo launde ke paas aa gayi aur chawle marne lagi tabhi wahan ek chai wla aya larke ne nikala barat me luta huwa 10 ka note aur chala larki ko impress karne aur larki bhi impress hone lagi issi beech Station ne announcement huwi ke train late hai Larke ke andar chahe atash bazi ho rahi ho lekin wo bahir se yateemo wala muh bana ker bola “lag gayi” Larke ne ek nohat he ghatiya idea dete huwe kaha “baby traim to late hai kiu na tab tak ek dusre ke baare me jaan he le” larki ne socha chalo kuch der larke ka chutiya kata jaye aur wo lagi baate karne Baato baato me pata chala ke larki engaged hai lekin apne larke ko kya wo to bus train ke bathroom me bistar per kuch karna chahta tha tabhi larki ko phone aya us ke mangetaf ka aur us ne kaha “baby tum ghar wapis jao main tumhari lene tumhare ghar aa raha hu” baby ko bhi aur kya chahiye tha wo ab apne launde se bore ho gayi thi to wo larke ko ignore maar ke wahan se nikalne lagi lekin beech me larke ne kisi kali billi ki tarha larki ka raasta kata aur us se us ka naam pucha naam batane ke baad larki ne 3, 4 philosophy jhari jo filmo me daikhne ko mil jaye gi ab larke ko pata chal gaya ke us ka KLPD ho chuka hai tabhi Announcement dobara huwi ke train aur late hai larke ne socha chalo bahir se sutta he maar aao larka bahir gaya to saamne log aise khare the jaise kisi ne barat ki roti khol di ho Larke ne wahan jane ki sochi lekin phir sutte ka soch ker wapis mur gaya lekin larke me ek kira tha jo us ko chain se jeene bhi nahi deta marne bhi nahi deta Larka wapis bheer ko chirta huwa aage gaya to daikha saamne wahi larki Khoono khoon pari hai larka pohanch gaya us ke paas tab pata chala ke koi chor aya Larki ka purse chinna chaha lekin larki ne use purse nahi dia kiu ke us me larki ki semi nude photos thi Purse na milne ke gusse me chor ne larki ko maar dia Larke ne apna kaan larki ke kaan ke paas kia aur bola baby Sachi tu meri qismat me nahi thi kam se kam ek baar nazara to karwa jati ye keh ker larke ne larki per lanat bheji aur apne ghar aa gaya


Now serious bhayia ji mujhe ap ki kahani pasand ayi sach me wohi hota hai jo qismat me likha hota hai qismat ka likha koi badal nahi sakta i hope mujhe ap ki stories aage parhne ko milti rahe gi Best of luck for contest

 

[Akki ❸❸❸]

Story:- परा विद्या

Writer:- nain11ster

vese to bhai ji mujhe is type ki story pe review dena na ata hai,,,lekin chota sa review de raha hu

kahani to lazwaab thi,,,vyang khani ki tarah isme bhi apki lekhni khatarnaak hi thi

vese bhai ye topic late kaha se ho

Aur ye shabd

Baki story vha par mjedar bhi thi jab anguthi ka scene aya

Sandeep aur kalika ke ghar wale lad rahe hai aur ye kone me ishq farma rahe hai apna kaam banta
baad me jaye janta


kalika ki maa bhi chupi rustam nikli
Yani usne hi hmla karaaya alp par aur gir bholi bhi banti hai kalika ke samne

Jaise ki mithil bnta h kalika ke samne

Last me jo line likhi hai vo bilkul stik hai

ye mayne nahi rakhta ki ap kya kar sakte h balki mayne ye rakhta h ki yogyta hote hue bhi kya nahi karna hai

Inhi lines ko ye story puri trah se chritarth karne me safal bhi hui hai

Baki story lazwaab thi nain bhai

Best of luck for the contest ?

 

[Adirshi]

Story :- Pyaar karti ho mujhse.....

writer :- Adirishi

link:-

Story bahut hi achi hai adi bhai..
mujhe khushi hai ki aapne ek bahut hi achi love story ke madhyam se
dharm ke aade na aake jafar aur ragini ki shadi dikhayi..

aapki story ne mujhe kk ki story ki yaad dila di
usne bhi aisi hi short story likhi thi bas
ladka pandit tha aur ladki kisi aur jati..

aapki writing skills bahut achi hai..
title se thoda story thodi match na ho rahi hai
ab ye mujhe hi laga ya aisa hi hai aap samajo

well story kafi khubsurat rahi
simple & short romantic padhke maza aa gaya

best of luck for contest

Rating:- 4.8/5 stars​

Sabse pehle to is bahumulya review ke liye bahu bahut shukriya mere bhai

aapki story ne mujhe kk ki story ki yaad dila di
usne bhi aisi hi short story likhi thi bas
ladka pandit tha aur ladki kisi aur jati..

KK bhai ka to apun bhi fan tha

aapki writing skills bahut achi hai..
title se thoda story thodi match na ho rahi hai
ab ye mujhe hi laga ya aisa hi hai aap samajo

well story kafi khubsurat rahi
simple & short romantic padhke maza aa gaya

? aisa kya par meko to title sahi laga khair har bande ka apna eki najariya hote hai

well story kafi khubsurat rahi
simple & short romantic padhke maza aa gaya

best of luck for contest

Rating:- 4.8/5 stars

bahut bahut shukriya bhai jaan kar acha laga ke aapko kahani pasand aayi aur itni achi rating ki to apeksha bhi nahi thi jitni aapne dedi iske liye ek baar fir dil se shukriya

 

[Naina]

Story = Barshaat ki Raat
Writer = Ayush2017
Hamesha hi dil se sochne wala ladka jiska naam Raja tha.. ushe uski premika dolly ne dhokha diya.. jiske wajah se woh tut sa gaya tha andar hi andar par sanjog kahe ya kuch aur uski mulakat do ladkiyon se huyi.. unko jab pata chala ki Raja ke sath kiya hua toh unhone ne ushe salah diya ki eent ka jawab pathar se dena chahiye.. phir isike chalte planning bhi ki aur uske tahat Raja ne dolly se badla liya lekin alag tarike se.... dhokha dene ki wajah se Raja ne kaise dhokhe ka jawab diya pinky aur ruhi ke sahayata se ishi adhar par yeh kahani likhi gayi hai...
Ayush2017 ji Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill