★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2022 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Lucifer]

Reviews posted on or before 12th March 2022 11:59 PM will be considered for Best Supporting Reader

 

[Adirshi]

साजिश ~ Mahi Maurya

well ye kahani purane thriller novels ki yaad dilati hai full suspense,
apne title ko justify karti ek murder mystery story jiski kahani ek raees patrakar avam samajsevi mahila ke khoon ke ird gird ghumti hai jiska investigation khud Commissioner kar rahe hai,
it is starnge kyuki Commissioner aise direct investigation me involve nahi hote sath hi crime branch ke do inspector ko bhi is khoon ki gutthi suljhane ke kaam par lagaya gaya hai,
chaitanya aur aditya ka chitran bahut hi kabil officers ke roop me kiya gaya hai aur jab reader ko lagta hai ab ye dono is case ko suljha lenge tabhi writer sahiba kahani me ek twist daal deti hai jo ki kahani ke hisab se ekdum gajab hai,
koi nahi soch payega ke ritika khanna ke khoon me agneya tripathi aur aditya ka hath ho sakta hai..
kahani ke twists ne kahani ko kafi rochak banaye rakha hai par mujhe kahani ki raftaar kuch jyada tej lagi aur kahi kahi kuch baate samajh nahi aayi kaise aditya ne pehle kaha ke wo us shahar me aane ke baad chaitanya se mila lekin dusre ek scene me bataya ke chaitanya ne uski pehle bahut madad ki hai, ek aur baat jab Commissioner aditya ko pehle se suyas ke roop me jaanta tha to usne ye baat pehle hi kyu nahi kahii...
well story is well written but agar ye long story ke roop me likhi jati to iska aur bhi tagda impact padta, aisi kahaniyo ko kam shabdo me seemit karna mushkil kaam hai lekin maji ji ne use bakhubi kiya hai..
it was an amazing experience reading this.

 

[Dungeon Master]

Breaker of chains : Rise of New Era ~ Dungeon Master

Well it is a multiverse of madness and a sheer treat for fantasy lovers
bhai ye kahani pe apan ek superhit comics bana sakta hai men isme wo sare elements hai jo ek badhiya fantasy comics me hone chahiye
hero hai villain hai jaadu hai ek nayi duniya hai dhamakedaar action hai aur dungeon master ki jabardast writing hai aur kya chahiye..
ye kahani kaha end hogi ye shuruwat me hi pata tha lekin wo sab hoga kaise ye sabse romanchak part tha..
tbh maine nahi socha tha ke mahamahim wapis se kahani ne dikhayi denge apun waiting for the battle between dungeon master and dark mage baki mahamaim ka wapis aana was a important turning point kyuki unke bagair dungeon master kabhi dark mage ke against fight jeet hi nahi pata..
ye kahani ek readers ko ek alag hi duniya me transform kar deti hai it was an amazing and thrilling experience reading this gem

thanks bhau rebo ke lie. Jis jis ne ye padhi hai un sabka yahi kahna ki next part zarur ban sakta hai, reader ki agar chah hogi to isko main thread bana ke post karunga uske baad story dekhte hai

 

[Adirshi]

Woh bhi kya din thee ~ The Wolvarine

nostalgia me le gaya bhai tu.. sari purani baate yaad dila di..
title ekdum sahi choose kiya hai 'wo bhi kya din the' aur iske liye full marks..
ye wo kahani hai jo kahi na kahi hum sab ne ji hai,
har koi is kahani ke kisi na kisi part se apne aap ko relate kar payega khas kar wo cricket match jo is kahani ka main akarshan hai aur kahani ko end bhi ekdum sahi note pe kiya hai...
har koi apni kahani ka hero hai and yes meri kahani me last ball par six lagta
ye kahani apne ko teri pehli stroy ke mukable jyada sahi lagi,
keep up the good work hoping to see more stories from you in future

 

[Adirshi]

कर्मों का फल ~ Mahi Maurya

well it is not a unique concept but the way it is presented is unique..
apni jawani me ki agyi galtiyo ka pachtawa aksar budhape me hi hota hai jo ki jaha jagdish ke sath hua hai..
usne jawani me kabhi kisi ko apne se upar nahi mana kisi rishte ki kadra nahi ki, apni patni ko kabhi sanman nahi diya aur wahi aaj uska beta uski bahu ke sath kar raha hai aur wo bas muk darshak bana hua hai.. aur atmaglani se bhar kar apne kiye karmo par pachta raha hai
kahani ka title kahani ko sahi se justify karta hai, karmo ka fal..
ye kahani mahi ji ki is contest ki dusri kahani hai jo pehli kahani se bilkul alag hai, aur mere hisab se ye kahani pehli kahani se kayi guna behtar hai.. jo chize pehli kahani me mujhe missing lagi un sab ki kasar writer sahiba ne is kahani se puri kar di,
character arch, dialogues, emotions everything was perfect in this story aur mere liye ye kahani is contest ki sabse behtarin kahaniyo me se ek hai,
great story.

 

[Scripted]

Best Buddy ~ Scripted

aajkal ke nibba nibbis ke liye ekdum perfect story hai hai
well agar koi ladka ladki best friend hai aur ladki ka koi boyfriend hai to aksar hi us boyfriend ko best friend se chidh hone lagti hai...
aajkal ye bahut hi common hai aur aksar 90% launde jo best friend hote hai unhe us ladki ke liye feelings hoti hi hai
kahani kafi badhiya likhi gayi hai jisme pyaar se jyada dosti ki value batayi gayi hai.. jass ko poonam ke liye feelings hai par poonam bas uski dost hai aur jass ne kabhi bhi poonam par apna haq nahi jamaya and at the end friendzone ka shikar hua
overall a nice experience reading this..

Shukriya janaab pyaare se review ke liye...

 

[SultanTipu40]

Purwa our geeta ~ SultanTipu40

ek thriller story jo flashback me chalti hai jab ek maa apne hi beti ki kahani uske baccho ko sunati hai..
plot kafi badhiya chuna gaya tha... murder mystery jisme sath me punarjanm ka tadka ya yu kahe atma exchange hone ka tadka tha..
but meko aisa laga ke story uske plot ke according utni sahi execute nahi ho payi.. matlab sab kuch bahut jaldi ho raha tha ise aur bhi ease ke sath likha ja sakta tha...
And I personally feel ke is plot ko ek badi story me develop kiya ja sakta tha like yaha ek short story me hum geeta/purwa ki puri life detail me nahi jaan paye ke usne ye sab bagair kisi ki najar me aaye kaise kiya, kis tarah se planning ki.. 3 logo ko maarne ke liye bahut dhansu planning chahiye hoti hai sath hi jise maarna hai uski har detail bhi aapke paas honi chahiye agar ye ho jata to kahani aur bhi dhansu hoti.. baki overall its a good read.

Bahut sukriya adi bhai

Sahi kaha bhai bahut se galtiyan hui hai story main .... sach kahu to main ye story yeha nahi ss main likhne wala tha magar jab yeha story likhne ka pata chala to yehi par likh diya

ye story agar ss main likhta to story main kiran nahi hoti uske jagah par geeta ka pati hota

khair bhai jo hona tha ho gaya

 

[Adirshi]

Bahut sukriya adi bhai

Sahi kaha bhai bahut se galtiyan hui hai story main .... sach kahu to main ye story yeha nahi ss main likhne wala tha magar jab yeha story likhne ka pata chala to yehi par likh diya

ye story agar ss main likhta to story main kiran nahi hoti uske jagah par geeta ka pati hota

khair bhai jo hona tha ho gaya

great work mate

 

[Sasha!]

This Shall Too Pass... ~ Sasha!

whoa....!!
that as my reaction after reding this gem... kudos to Sasha! for writing this mindblowing masterpiece..
well honestly I don't have words to discribe the brilience of this story, this one is one of the the best story of this contest and a perfect contender for winning position..
this story contains so many elements, emotions, drama, thrill, mystery, love, pain and what not.. and the language was cherry on the cake..
there are very few stories which makes me feel invested in them and this is one of those stories
it is a brilliently written plot, and the ending was just amazing.... while reading the story I never thought that this gonna end like this, with a murder of aman and thats where you steal the show...
you have written a masterpiece madam and I am glad that I got to read this.

Wao, that's really heartwarming your kind words really mean a lot to me because you are one of my favourite writers of virtual world. I am so so glad that you liked it

 

[Geralt of Rivia]

Story - " Ajeeb Raat "
Writer - Geralt of Rivia .

हाॅरर कैटेगरी में लिखा गया एक बेहतरीन कहानी जिसमें थ्रिल , रोमांच और सबसे बढ़कर सस्पेंस का तड़का भरपूर तरीके से किया गया था ।
कहानी की शुरुआत ही थ्रिल से हुआ जब अमन खुद को एक ट्रैन के खाली बोगी में अकेला पाता है । रात का समय... जंगली इलाका.... सुनसान वातावरण । उसके बाद उसका गंतव्य स्थल तक पहुंचने की कठिन कोशिश । फिर सेंट्रो कार मे उसका लिफ्ट लेना ।
पर कहानी में असल रोमांच तब आया जब अमन एक ओटो ड्राइवर से लिफ्ट लेकर रामनगर रेलवे स्टेशन जाता है और उसकी बात ड्राइवर मनोज से होती है ।
यहां पर एक सस्पेंस नहीं बल्कि दो सस्पेंस से पर्दा उठता है ।
पहला सस्पेंस था कि जिस सेंट्रो कार में उसने लिफ्ट लिया था और उस कार में जो सवारी थी - स्नेहा और राहुल - दोनों की मृत्यु उसी सेंट्रो कार में एक ट्रक से भिड़ने की वजह से कुछ दिन पहले हो चुकी थी । मतलब जिन लोगों के साथ उसने कार में सफर किया... जिनके साथ उसने बातें की , वो आम इंसान नहीं बल्कि उनकी आत्माएं थी ।

इस के बाद सबसे बड़ा धमाका तब हुआ जब ओटो ड्राइवर मनोज और एक हवलदार के बीच मोबाइल फोन पर बातें हुई और मालूम पड़ा कि अमन की मौत लगभग एक साल पहले ही एक ट्रैन दुर्घटना में हो चुकी है ।

कहानी से भले ही " डर " का अहसास रीडर्स को न हुआ हो पर रोमांच का मजा खुब आया । और सस्पेंस का तो कहना ही क्या ! बहुत बेहतरीन स्टोरी लगा मुझे ।

हाॅरर मूवी या हाॅरर स्टोरी में सबसे ज्यादा इम्पोर्टेंट होता है भौतिक वातावरण का सटीक वर्णन । एक छोटे से पते की आवाज से रीडर्स डर महसूस करने लगते हैं । दरवाजे की खुलने या बंद होने की आवाज हमारे दिलों की धड़कन बढ़ा देती है । और मेरे अनुसार इस कहानी में सिर्फ यही एक कमी रह गई थी ।
बाकी सब कुछ गजब का ही लिखा आपने ।
आप की यह कहानी कांटेस्ट में जीत का अपना दावा पुख्ता करती है ।

आउटस्टैंडिंग एंड अमेजिंग स्टोरी भाई और
जगमग जगमग भी ।

“Lallu Laal” by Geralt of Rivia

Don't know what to say dude.. “Ajeeb Raat” was a very well written story from you and I expected that your next story would be even better. But...

Well, the story is about Rohit, an introvert guy. He is someone who doesn't involves himself with others. He fell in love with Neha, his office colleague. Because of his nature he couldn't express his love in front of Neha..

Then her mother telling about Neha's past.. I felt like the build up is pretty good but the end.. Don't want to comment a lot about that because you're a lot better writer, that I know from your previous story.

What Nain, Neha and Raj did was totally unjustified and Rohit's reaction on all that was even more hard to digest. Was unable to get the idea behind the story and.. Best of luck for future stories!

...[3.5–4/10]...​

Ajeeb Raat By Geralt of Rivia
.
.
.

Horror story dekh ke laga tha ki story padhte samay gaand fat ke hath me aa jayegi lekin shukar hai ki pond sahi salaamat rahi apni

Well, Kahani ka concept bahut achha tha aur aapne likha bhi bahut achha. Starting me kaafi achha thrill aur romanch feel hua lekin aage chal kar story ka thrill aur romanch kam kar diya aapne. Main aakhir tak yahi samajhta raha ki jo kuch bhi ho raha hai wo Aman ke sath ho raha hai lekin jab end me Aman khud hi mara hua saabit hua to mujhe chuank jana pada. Zahen me ek hi sawaal ubhra ki ek mara hua aadmi jo khud hi bhoot tha wo apni kahani kaise suna raha hai aur kisko suna raha hai.??? Aam taur par zinda insaan hi logo ko apni ram kahani sunate hain lekin yaha to bhoot suna raha tha apni kahani. Mujhe lagta hai twist daalne ke chakkar me aisa kiya aapne

Sunsaan sadak par aadhi raat ko ek ladki apne 20 saal ke bhai ke sath car me aati hai aur aman ko lift deti hai. Ye hajam nahi hua aur isi liye shak hua ki kuch to gadbad zarur hai aur wo gadbad kya thi ye baat auto driver ke dwara pata chal gayi. Waise bhootni aur uski baate badi manmohak thi. Matlab kamaal ki bhootni thi jisne Aman ko zinda insaan samjha aur uske sath koi kaand nahi kiya, utla lift de kar uski help hi ki

Jitna khubsurat concept tha utni khubsurti se agar likha hota aapne to yakeenan ye kahani zabardast hoti. Word limit wali story me yahi ek samasya hoti hai ki kuch na kuch chhoot hi jata hai ya kisi na kisi cheez ki kami ho hi jati hai. Aapne apni taraf se puri koshish ki lekin yakeenan isse bhi behtar kiya ja sakta tha

Horror prefix par likhi gayi kahani me maza tabhi aata hai jab padhte waqt thrill aur romanch ke sath sath rongate bhi khade ho jaye aur itna hi nahi gaand aisi fate ki apne hath me bhi na aa paye
Khair shukriya bhai is khubsurat kahani ko likhne ke liye...best of luck...

Ajeeb Raat ~ Geralt of Rivia

that was a amazing story dude.. bole to gajab ekdum
horror ko padhte time jo thrill milna chahiye wo story me ekdum sahi tha.. darr utna laga nahi but aage kahani me kya hoga iski utsukta bani rahi...
wo chalti train ka achanak rukna, jungle me khali train ka ek dabba khada hona, aman ke alawa waha koi aur nahi hona mahol ko darawana bana dete hai uske baad us ladki aur uske bhai ka milna...
and the end twist, lawda apun ko end tak lag rela tha ke aman ke sath koi bada wala jhol hua hai but ye dimag me hich nahi aaya ke wo bhoot hai aur yahi isi twist ne kahani ko sabse khas banaya and for that you deserve
an amazng read.

Thank you so much for beautiful reviews

 

[The Wolvarine]

Meri Doosri Muhabbat ~ The Wolvarine

yaha logo ko ek mohabbat naseeb nahi ho rahi tum do do kar baithe
jokes apart par kahani meri upar likhi gayi line se bilkul alag hai.. an emotional and cute love story jo aajkal padhne ko kam millti hai aur laundo ke sath aisa kyu hota hai ke jab bhi dobara dil na lagane ka man banao tab hi koi chanchal shokh haseena samne aa jati hai
khair kahani ka start badhiya tha laga nahi ke writer ki ye pehli koshish hai, baki plot simple chuna gaya tha aur use sahi nibhaya bhi par end me ladki ko maar kyu diya mohabbat ki shuruwaat to ache se hone deta men ,
abhi abhi to mile the wo log bas kuch ghanto ki to mulakat thi usi ke baad alag karwa diya unko
tbhmere ko ye end nahi jama men, apun wants this story with an happy ending baat khatam
baki considering this as your 1st effort, story sahi likhi hai, though ise aur bhi better banaya ja sakta tha but overall a good read

Paheli story thi too galtiya bahut thi noo doubt..
Rahi baat ending ki too..
Khair jaane doo..ye too maje-2 me likh di thi..
To jayada socha he nahi..

Woh bhi kya din thee ~ The Wolvarine

nostalgia me le gaya bhai tu.. sari purani baate yaad dila di..
title ekdum sahi choose kiya hai 'wo bhi kya din the' aur iske liye full marks..
ye wo kahani hai jo kahi na kahi hum sab ne ji hai,
har koi is kahani ke kisi na kisi part se apne aap ko relate kar payega khas kar wo cricket match jo is kahani ka main akarshan hai aur kahani ko end bhi ekdum sahi note pe kiya hai...
har koi apni kahani ka hero hai and yes meri kahani me last ball par six lagta
ye kahani apne ko teri pehli stroy ke mukable jyada sahi lagi,
keep up the good work hoping to see more stories from you in future

Thanks Bhai..
Jaan ke achha laga aap ko 2nd story pasand aai..