★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Casinar]

Mera hero
Casinaar bhai
wonderfull story casi bhai har point ko bahut majbuti se rakhkha aapne suru se lekar ant tak.dono ka pyar adbhut hai aur dono hi apni apni jagah par sahi hain..agar hero usse shadi kar leta to fir yahi hota ki wo khudgarj tha uski sari qurbani bekaar ho jani thi..ladki bhi apni jagah durust thi mai use koi dosh nahi dunga..bahut hi pyari shandaar kahani hai sach kahun to ab tak jitni bhi story padhi sab me number kaat sakta hun mai par is story me nahi kaat sakta hun chahkar bhi..mai aapko 10 me 10 deta hun aur sath me

Bahot shukriya Rahul yara. Khushi hai k tumko kahani passand aayi

 

[kamdev99008]

REVIEW

STORY - मोक्ष (प्यार, नफरत और डर)

WRITER - kamdev99008

LINK - https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-695326

PLOT- is story ke naam se lagta hai ki ye koi philosophical story hogi ,prem ,nafrat aur fir dar se hote hue moksha tak pahuchne ki yatra ko darshane ka ek prayas kiya gaya hai …

Darshanik rup se to main is philosophy se bilkul bhi sahmat nhi hu lekin story ke jariye writer ye dikhane me safal rhe hai…

Prem - bachpan ke prem ko pane ki khwahis kise nhi hoti ,aisa prem jo shayd kismatwalo ko hi nashib hota hai,kyoki adhiktar bachpan ka hamara pahla pyar kisi na kisi karn se hamshe dur ho jaata hai aur fir jindagi bhar ham usi prem ki talash me rahte hai,wo kami kahi na kahi dur karne ki koshis chlte rahti hai aur jimmedariyo ke dabao me akar ham use bhool bhi jaate hai,usi tarh ravi ke samne do prem the ek tha maa ka pyar jo wo pane ki chaht me tadf rha tha lekin jis umra me use milna tha use nhi mila aur wahi dusari tarf thi radha ,maa ke prem ke liye usne radha ke prem ki kurbani de di wahi se janm hua nafrat ka

Nafrat- jaise prem maa se tha waise hi nafrat bhi maa se hi hua kaarn story me apko pta chl jaayega

Dar -kahani ka har pahlu maa par hi aakar atak jaata hai,yani ki maa se prem paane ki abhilasha fir maa se prem naa paane ke karn nafrt ,fir maa se prem ki ummid me uske naa kho jaane ka dar …aur fir maa ke prem se hi virakti jise writer ne moksha ki sangya di hai ….

Readers se kahna chahunga ki story ko achche se samjhne ke liye aapko pura padhna hoga aur last ki summary se apko puri story clear ho jaayegi …

MERITS-

1. Kahani ke pahle part me apko pahle pyar ki khusbau aayegi ,bahut jyada nhi lekin aap use mahsus jarur kar sakte hai

2. Bhasha bahut hi clear hai ,kyoki ye ke philosophical story hai us lihaj se thoda samjhne me dikkt ho sakti hai lekin bhasha aur wyakarn me koi bhi problem nhi hai

3. Jivan ki kuch kadavi sachchi ka samna hota hai ,ki kaise bachcho ko prem karne me bhi maa ne bhedbhaw kiya aur kaise jimmedari insan ke andar ki kamnao ko mita deti hai



DEMERITS-

1.reders ko shuru ke kuch samay story ke sath judane me thodi kathnai ka samna karna hoga ,bina dhairy ke story padhne walo ke liye ye story nhi hai…



NOTE FOR WRITER- Kamdev ji aapne ek bahut hi achhi story likhi hai ,ek alag sa ahsas hai aur jivan ki kuch kadvi sachchi ka darshn isme dekhne ko milta hai …

Best of luck for contest….

MOKSHA
The story is about a boy named Ravi, who lives in a nanny's house away from his parents and siblings. Ravi was depressed as his mother was not nearby. Ravi's first love was with Radha and as householders often said that Ravi would marry Radha, But fate liked something else, Ravi's mother came to take Ravi back and Ravi's mother did not want Ravi to get married to Radha. Now Ravi is facing another problem, either he adopts mother's love or Radha's love. Ravi had been craving for mother's love since childhood. But Ravi could never get that love. Ravi had no problem with kaushal but Ravi did not like his irresponsibility.
Ravi always craved for mother's love but never found love. He too gave up his love. Whatever has happened to him in this birth, he wants everything to be good in the next life.
People rightly say that living life is not easy. Don't know how much pain is hidden in someone's heart. Through this story you have told us about the truth of life. The thing that we want in our life and as we want, it is not necessary that we get it. Whatever will happen in luck will happen.
You have told love, hate and fear very correctly in the story. The story title suits the story perfectly. Moksha means liberation and in Ravi's life, there was a lot of trouble and after being disturbed by all these things, he wants salvation.
kamdev99008 Ji, I liked your story very much. You have written the story very beautifully. There was some difficulty in understanding the story, but later everything was understood. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.
Thank You...

मोक्ष (प्यार, नफरत और डर)

कामदेव99008


बेहतरीन कथा जो जीवन के अलग अलग समय को दिखाती हुई अपने मोक्ष कि तरफ अग्रसर है...
कमी सिर्फ एक बात कि रही की लेखक ने प्यार नफरत और डर का मिजाज तो अपनी कथा में बता दिया लेकिन जो सबसे महत्वपूर्ण बात जो इस कथा की रक्त वाहिनि थी लेखक ने उसी को दरकिनार कर दिया ।।
बलिदान मेरे हिसाब से एक यही शब्द था जो आपकी कथा से गायब हो गया जबकि पूरी कथा इसी के इर्द गिर्द भ्रमण करती रही ...खेर

जैसा कि मैंने शुरू मै कहा की आपकी कथा बेहतरीन है इसमें कोई शक नहीं...एक अच्छी कोशिश लेकिन कहीं कहीं पात्रों की अधिकता ने कथा के प्रवाह को प्रभावित किया....कम शब्दों में लिखी गई कथा की सबसे बड़ी शक्ति उसका प्रवाह होती है...मेरे ख्याल से आप जैसे लेखक को ये बात बताने कि मुझे बिल्कुल भी जरूरत नहीं है।।।
कहानी को मै 5 में से 3 अंक दूंगा...

Review for - मोक्ष(प्यार, नफरत और डर)

Writer kamdev99008

Sabse pehle sukriya aisi family base story likhne ke liye .
Kahani ke sabhi parts ko bohat hi ache tarike se Likha hai . Mujhe bohat Pasand aaya jis Tarah ke sabdo Ka aapne paryog Kiya jisne mujhe bandh ke rakha end tak padhne ke liye .
Jivan ko dikhate hue moksh tak pohanch ki apki ye peshkas mujhe bohat Pasand aayi .
Once again thank for your lovely story .
Best of luck for contest.

शीर्षक : मोक्ष (प्यार, नफरत और डर)
लेखक : कामदेव

कहानी जीवन के दर्शन से रूबरू करवाती है ! कहानी में प्यार , नफरत , डर और मोक्ष को बखूबी समझाया गया है ! कहानी रवि और उसकी मां के इर्द-गिर्द घूमती है ! रवि अपनी मां से ही सबसे ज्यादा प्यार करता था और उनके पास जाना चाहता था और उन्हीं से सबसे ज्यादा नफरत करता था ! कुल मिलाकर कहानी जीवन के अर्थ को समझाती है !

दरअसल मुझे जैसी छोटी बुद्धि इंसान के लिए यह कहानी समझना काफी मुश्किल था लेकिन एक बार जब पढ़ना शुरू किया तो खत्म करके ही चैन आया है !

बेहतरीन प्रस्तुतीकरण से कहानी और भी खूबसूरत बन गई !

प्रतियोगिता के लिए शुभकामनाएं

मोक्ष (प्यार, नफरत और डर) By - kamdev99008

Wow!! That's some brilliant writing bro. I loved your story, The way of presentation, The conversations part, all were written so beautifully. The story plot was simple but the way you have presented it was marvelous. How you have categorized the story parts based on emotions was really amazing to read.

Such a beautiful read. Till now, this is the best story I read in this contest.
Best of luck.

Fentastik bro ek vyakti ke alag alag bhavna dekhne ko mili ensan ki sabhi bhavna ye vakt vakt par nikal ti he or kuchlog unka sahi time pe faida uthate he

मोक्ष (प्यार, नफरत और डर) by kamdev9908

Bhai, aapki story maine aadhi padhi fir itna confuse hua ki socha chhod dun. Reason tha itne Saare characters
Short story usually 2-3 characters ke aas Paas ghumti h.
Khair, fir moksh wala part padha.. Aur is part me aapne apni khubsoorat lekhan ke saath nyaay kiya hai Ek vyakti ke jeevan ki Saari kahani is part me likh di hai jo hmesa ek chahat ko paane ke chakkar me dusri se door hota rha aur ant me kuchh haath nahi aaya. Meri apni Kahani se kaafi milta julta
Story ki language utkrishth hai, patr kam hote to story aur behtar hoti. Adhik patr hone se flow thoda compromise ho jata hai. Story ka title bhi thoda sa justified nahi lag rha. Jis insan ka man pyar ko tarsata raha use moksh nahi mil sakta
I liked your command over language and also your thought behind the story. Write a long story on this theme sometime in future. Would love to read.
All the best

Kaamdev bhiya story itni acchi lagi ki padhne ka mann tha ki ye aage bhi chalti rahe par aapne to baato - baato mein hi Moksh, nafrat, darr, trishna, pyaar paane ki kasak, avhelna, triskaar....ka aisa kadwa ghoot pilaya ki mann ki saari icchaye hi kahi dab kar reh gayi... jaise ki apne Ravi ki

Ravi to jimmedariyo ka bojh dhote - dhote apne pyaar ko kahi kho aaya... Maa bhi itni nirdayi ke apne apni santano mein bhi apni mamta ka batwaara samanta se nahi kiya...

Ravi ne sada hi jis maa ki mamta ki chaanv mein aane ke liye apne pyaar ka gala ghot diya ant mein naa wo mamta mili aur na hi Radha ka pyaar... aur jo milne ki aas thi wo bhi sharton ke dher ke niche kahi dabb ke reh gayi....

aapki baato ki tarah muzhe aapki ye kahani bhi bahut pasand aayi.... meri taraf se is story ko full points...

Review for:

शीर्षक : मोक्ष (प्यार, नफरत और डर)
लेखक: kamdev99008
भाषा : हिन्दी

वर्गीकरण : प्रणय (निष्काम)

कामदेव भाई, सबसे पहले तो बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया कि आपने इतनी बेहतरीन कहानी को हम सबके सामने प्रस्तुत किया।

कामदेव भाई, आपकी ये कहानी बहुत ही खूबसूरत है और बहुत ही खूबसूरती से लिखा भी है आपने। यूॅ तो कहानी का प्लाट साधारण ही है किन्तु पारिवारिक रिश्तों के बीच की हर वास्तविकता का बहुत ही शानदार तरीके वर्णन किया है आपने। इसके अंदर हर तरह की भावनाओं का उचित रूप से समावेश किया है आपने जो कि बेहद सराहनीय है। ऐसा वही कर सकता है जो बहुत ही सुलझा हुआ हो और जिसे हर तरह की भावनाओं की अच्छी समझ हो। यकीनन आप एक बहतरीन लेखक हैं भाई, मुझे आपकी ये कहानी बहुत ज़्यादा पसंद आई।

इस कहानी में रवि के संपूर्ण जीवन चरित्र को तथा उसकी मोक्ष प्राप्ति तक के सफ़र को बहुत ही बेहतरीन ढंग से दिखाया है आपने। रवि का अपनी माॅ के प्यार के लिए जीवन भर तरसना और साथ ही राधा मौसी से उसका सच्चा प्रेम इन दोनो ही चीज़ों को आपने बहुत ही मार्मिक ढंग से दिखाया है आपने जिसने हृदय के तारों को झंकृत कर दिया।

शार्ट कहानी होने के बावजूद आपने इसे बहुत ही खूबसूरती से लिखा है। इसके संवाद बहुत ही अच्छे थे और साथ में परिस्थितियों के अनुसार भावनाओं की अभिब्यक्ति बेहद सराहनीय है। मेरी नज़र में आपकी ये कहानी हर मायनों में बेहतरीन है।

अंत में एक बार फिर से यही कहूॅगा कामदेव भाई कि बहुत बहुत शुक्रिया जो आपने इतनी खूबसूरत कहानी को हम सबके सामने प्रस्तुत किया।

!! धन्यवाद !!

आप सभी मित्रों का आभारी हूँ की आपने अपने बहुमूल्य समय में से कुछ पल निकालकर इस लघुकथा को पढ़ा और इस पर अपनी प्रतिक्रिया दी............
वस्तुतः ये कथानक मेरे जीवन के अनुभवों से जुड़ा हुआ है....... में कोई लेखक नहीं जो कल्पना की उड़ान भर सकूँ..........
मेंने अब से 25-30 वर्ष पहले एक पुस्तक पढ़ी थी.... उसके लेखक ने एक पंक्ति लिखी थी......
"वास्तविकता, कल्पना से ज्यादा आकर्षक, सुंदर, भयानक और आश्चर्यचकित कर देने वाली होती है......... क्योंकि कल्पना केवल वही होती है जिसे हम पहले से जानते हैं.... लेकिन वास्तविकता को हम बाद मे जान पाते हैं"
मेंने आज इस सत्य को अपने जीवन के अनुभवों से समझ लिया है
.......................
इस कथा सार को सभी पहलुओं से विस्तार देते हुये में अपनी कथा 'मोक्ष:तृष्णा से तुष्टि तक' में लिख रहा हूँ..... समय की उपलब्धता के अनुसार आपको अपने जीवन के अनुभवों से इस कथा के माध्यम से अवगत कराता रहूँगा........
पुनश्चः - मेरी लेखन शैली की क्लिष्टता की अनदेखी करके कथानक को प्राथमिकता दें.... पुनः आप सभी का आभार और उन सभी मित्रों का भी धन्यवाद जिनहोने इस कथा को पढ़ा और/या पसंद किया लेकिन किसी कारण प्रतिक्रिया न दे सके

आपका मित्र
कामदेव (kamdev99008)

 

[The Immortal]

Review for Haunted
By humtum

Again great story , great plot , narration top class , suspense till the end , a complete package of entertainment.
Thanx for this haunted story .

 

[Aakash.]

The Devil Who Destroyed My Life
First of all I want to thank you for writing the story. I liked the way the story started. In this story, the word devil is used for drugs.
This minor word intoxication is very dangerous. The drug ruined the lives of many people and one of them is Shanaya. Shanaya was a very beautiful and nice girl. Shanaya had a boyfriend named Avinash. Both got married and all lived happily. Everything was going well, but Avinash got used to drugs and everything was ruined.
It is very easy to get intoxicated but it is very difficult to quit. Even today many youth in our country are suffering from this drug. The reason for all these things is the wrong path we have chosen. The government has opened several de-addiction centers for this. And it has improved the lives of many people, yet if we are unable to control our mind, then we become addicted to drugs again.
The same happened with Avinash. Avinash had everything, a very loving wife, a good mother, a good job, but this addictive habit ruined everything. Finally, a mother also regrets that she gave birth to this child. Life is beautiful if we live it properly. I will pray to God, never let this happen to anyone.
Through this story of yours we got to learn something new. The story was very good. The ending of the story was sad.
Casinar Ji, I liked your story very much, you have written every word of the story very beautifully. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.
Thank You...

 

[The Immortal]

Review for Mera Hero
By Casinar

Bohat Acha plot tha casi Bhai . Narration top class . Ek bachi ek ladke ko kahin padi milti , aur wo ladka use Paal pos ke bada karta hai aur fir wo ladki Uske baare Mai kya sochti hai . Bohat ache se dikhaya hai end mujhe jyada Pasand aaya .
Thanx for this lovely story.
Best of luck for contest.

 

[Rahul]

Review for kalank
By Romeo 22
wonderfull update pyare bhai do sachche premiyon ki kahani hai jo kabhi ek na ho sake kai baar janam hua par har baar alag ho gaye aur dono me koi bhi bewfa nahi tha bas duniyadari ghus gayi..mai aapko pure 10 me 10 deta hun..best of luck pyare bhai

 

[Rahul]

Review for swipe left
By humtum
bahut badhiya story bhai pariwaar ko kewal paise hi nahi time bhi chahiye hota hai aur baki baton ka ek waqt hota hai uske baad family hi sab kuch hoti..wonderfull story pyare bhai mai aapko 10 me 10 deta hun

 

[Chutiyadr]

REVIEW

STORY - कलंक

WRITER- Romeo 22

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-5#post-743705

PLOT – prem ka kalank aisa jo janmo tak chalte jata hai ,ye us kalank ki story hai ..

Story ek dukhad prem kahani se start hoti hai aur ek suspense me jaakr khatm ho jaati hai ,sath hi ek sawal bhi chhod jaati hai, aur mere khyal se yahi ek sawal story ka sabse bada loose point hai kyoki uska utter dhundhne ke liye koi sadhan hai nhi,suspense story ke ending ke bare me review me nhi likha jata warna suspense kaise rhega ,fir bhi kyoki yanha kuch sawal the to use dhundhane ki main koshis karunga jo ant me nandani ne khud se puchha tha ..

Kya wo hi maharani hi ..ji ha bilkul wahi thi

Kya fakir mannu tha ….i think nahi,kyoki time period ka lafda hai,maharani ka kissa salo pahle ka tha,use aur logo ne kaha wo bar bar janm lekr fir se marti hai ,to technically mannu to kab ka mar chuka hoga,

Cahliye iske answer ke liye ek calculation bhi karte hai sahyd samjh aa jaaye

To story me ager nandani ki shadi hui 18 sal ki umra me aur us samy manu bhi 18 ka hua to ….

Pahli bar Nandani kam se kam 19 ya 20 ki umra me maregi ,kyoki usne shadi ke bad thoda puny bhi kiya hai ..

Fir dusara aur tesara janm legi jisse logo ko pata chlega ki wo bar bar marti hai ,to kuch milakr do bar fir mana ki 18 sal me marti hai to 18+18= 36

Aur abhi fir mana ki 18 me mari to 36+18=54

To abhi manu ki age honi chahiye =20+54= 74

Ok to 74 ka buddha jinda ho sakta hai …dusare sawal ka jawab bh ha hai ..

Teesara sawal ki kya ishq kalank tha – iska utter nikalne ke liye koi calculation kaam nhi aane wala kyoki hame ye nhi pta ki akhir maharani nandani ne aisa kya kiya tha apne purane ashiq ke sath ki maharaja ne use maar diya



Okk ab writing ke upar aate hai to ek bat is story me jo mujhe sabse achchi lagi wo hai writer ki bhasha me pakd aur writing style bhut hi kaaml kiya hai shabdo ke sath jo ki kabiletarif hai…






NOTE FOR WRITER – Romeo bhai story aapki bahut hi acchi thi aur apne likha bhi bahut hi achcha tha ,mere review me ki gai shararto ko maaf kijiyega kyoki dimag me ye bate aayi to maine likh dali ..

Aur ek chij aur aayi mere dimag me fakir sitara nahi chikara bajate hai,ya fir ektara kyoki sitara bhut hi bhari hota hai use uthakar ghumna muskil hota hai,aur dusara ki ye kalank nhi wala song fakir ko suit nahi kar rha hai …

Baki story jandar thi aur padne me bahut maja bhi bhut aaya ,aapki writing se main bhut hi prabhawit hua hu ,baki gustakhi maaf …

Best of luck for contest….

 

[Romeo 22]

Review for kalank
By Romeo 22
wonderfull update pyare bhai do sachche premiyon ki kahani hai jo kabhi ek na ho sake kai baar janam hua par har baar alag ho gaye aur dono me koi bhi bewfa nahi tha bas duniyadari ghus gayi..mai aapko pure 10 me 10 deta hun..best of luck pyare bhai

Review for kalank
By Romeo 22
wonderfull update pyare bhai do sachche premiyon ki kahani hai jo kabhi ek na ho sake kai baar janam hua par har baar alag ho gaye aur dono me koi bhi bewfa nahi tha bas duniyadari ghus gayi..mai aapko pure 10 me 10 deta hun..best of luck pyare bhai

Thank Rahul
Story me bahut kuchh likha ja sakta tha, khair
Pahala review

 

[Romeo 22]

REVIEW

STORY - कलंक

WRITER- Romeo 22

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-5#post-743705

PLOT – prem ka kalank aisa jo janmo tak chalte jata hai ,ye us kalank ki story hai ..

Story ek dukhad prem kahani se start hoti hai aur ek suspense me jaakr khatm ho jaati hai ,sath hi ek sawal bhi chhod jaati hai, aur mere khyal se yahi ek sawal story ka sabse bada loose point hai kyoki uska utter dhundhne ke liye koi sadhan hai nhi,suspense story ke ending ke bare me review me nhi likha jata warna suspense kaise rhega ,fir bhi kyoki yanha kuch sawal the to use dhundhane ki main koshis karunga jo ant me nandani ne khud se puchha tha ..

Kya wo hi maharani hi ..ji ha bilkul wahi thi

Kya fakir mannu tha ….i think nahi,kyoki time period ka lafda hai,maharani ka kissa salo pahle ka tha,use aur logo ne kaha wo bar bar janm lekr fir se marti hai ,to technically mannu to kab ka mar chuka hoga,

Cahliye iske answer ke liye ek calculation bhi karte hai sahyd samjh aa jaaye

To story me ager nandani ki shadi hui 18 sal ki umra me aur us samy manu bhi 18 ka hua to ….

Pahli bar Nandani kam se kam 19 ya 20 ki umra me maregi ,kyoki usne shadi ke bad thoda puny bhi kiya hai ..

Fir dusara aur tesara janm legi jisse logo ko pata chlega ki wo bar bar marti hai ,to kuch milakr do bar fir mana ki 18 sal me marti hai to 18+18= 36

Aur abhi fir mana ki 18 me mari to 36+18=54

To abhi manu ki age honi chahiye =20+54= 74

Ok to 74 ka buddha jinda ho sakta hai …dusare sawal ka jawab bh ha hai ..

Teesara sawal ki kya ishq kalank tha – iska utter nikalne ke liye koi calculation kaam nhi aane wala kyoki hame ye nhi pta ki akhir maharani nandani ne aisa kya kiya tha apne purane ashiq ke sath ki maharaja ne use maar diya



Okk ab writing ke upar aate hai to ek bat is story me jo mujhe sabse achchi lagi wo hai writer ki bhasha me pakd aur writing style bhut hi kaaml kiya hai shabdo ke sath jo ki kabiletarif hai…






NOTE FOR WRITER – Romeo bhai story aapki bahut hi acchi thi aur apne likha bhi bahut hi achcha tha ,mere review me ki gai shararto ko maaf kijiyega kyoki dimag me ye bate aayi to maine likh dali ..

Aur ek chij aur aayi mere dimag me fakir sitara nahi chikara bajate hai,ya fir ektara kyoki sitara bhut hi bhari hota hai use uthakar ghumna muskil hota hai,aur dusara ki ye kalank nhi wala song fakir ko suit nahi kar rha hai …

Baki story jandar thi aur padne me bahut maja bhi bhut aaya ,aapki writing se main bhut hi prabhawit hua hu ,baki gustakhi maaf …

Best of luck for contest….

Thank you bhai for this detailed reboo
Mai aapki Saari baaton se lag bhag sahmat hun
Wo ektara us time dimag me nahi aaya. Wahi likhna chaah raha tha
Calculation aapka sahi hai age wala.. Plus jaruri nahi wo 18 ki bhi huyi ho marane se pahale
Baaki swala ke liye ye kahunga ki maine Jaan bujhkar story open ended chhod di.. Aur kuchh mood bhi aisa tha ki jyada detail nahi likh paya kabhi man hua to shayad ise aur behatar tarike se likhun
Aapko writing style pasand aayi, is baat ki bahut khushi hai kyuki aap khud ek Achche writer hain, to aapki parakh writing ki bahut maane rakhti hai