★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[humtum]

My review for
Swipe Left
By
Humtum
Mujhe ye kahani bahot passand aaye. Simple hai nagar dumdaar hai. Ek shaadi shuda insaan aksar bhatak jata hai. Seikron eise shadi shuda mard hote hein jinnke ghar mein ek pyari si wife hoti hai jo ussko unconditionally pyar karti hai, pyar ke saath saath usska ghar aur bachon ko bhi sambhaalti hai, mard ye samajhta hai k kama kar ghar mein paise de diye, ghar ke sabhi samaan kharid liye, sab ko haq k paise de diye buss yehi usska farz hai. Lekin eisa nahin hota yehi iss kahani mein humtum bhai ne ek famous dating site ko example ke taur par istemaal karke dikhaya hai.
Mard bhatakne mein awwal hai, kutte ki jaat kehte hein in general mardon ko jo jahan mawka mila munh maarne chale jaate hein.
Iss mein sanghat ka assar bhi hota hai jeise iss kahani mein hero ka dost tha jissne tinder k baare mein bataya hero ko aur chala hero wohi karne jo dost ne kaha.
Married life ek bahot badi zimedaari hoti hai aur ussko nibhana padta hai kissi bhi haal mein. Qurbaniyan deni padti hai, samjhaute karne padte hein married life ko successful banaane ke liye. Yeh bhi Humtum bhai ne iss kahani mein dikhane aur samjhane ki koshish kiye hein.
Shadi shuda mard behek to sakte hein ek beauty queen k saamne, aakhir mard hai, to sochna ye chahiye husbands ko kia usski wife nahin behek sakti kissi casanova type mard ke saamne? Agar husband kare to sahi aur wife kare to ghalat?
Iss kahani ka hero chala gaya uss ladki se milne bhi bina soche ke jab wo office mein hota aur usske ghar koyi ghair mard ata usski wife se weise hi milne tab kia hota?
Mere khayaal se to ussko khud bete ke uss haadse se pehle ussko apne antar aatma ko tatolna chahiye tha uss ladki se milne se pehle kyunke kitni baar usski wife ne ussko apne bete k baare mein keh diya tha.
Ab agar bete ka wo haadsa nah hota to husband ne uss raat ko overtime ya meeting ka bahana bana kar apni raat rangeen kar liya hota, bewafaayi kar liya hota.... yeh hai assal kahani ki message ke wafaa karo, jiss ke saath umr bhar jine marne ki kasmein khaaye hein usske saath zindagi bhar nibhao chaahe kuch bhi ho jaaye. Chaahe koyi bhi pari saamne aa jaaye mat bhulo ke ghar par ek family hai jisska tumhara intezar, jissko tumhari zaroorat hai. Yeh hai Humtum bhai ki iss kahani ki message.
Umeed hai ke ye message aaj ke zamane ke shadi shuda logon tak pahunche aur weh isska behtar upyog karen.
Behtareen kahani hai Humtum bhai ek zabardast message ke saath. Mujhe behad passand aya.
Writing, narrative description sab kuch behtareen hein. Kahin bhi flow nahin chhuthi kahani ki bilkool barkaraar raha shuru se end tak kahani ne paathak ko juda rakha.
All the best Humtum bhai iss behtareen kahani ke liye.

Thanks chachu for detailed review. Meri first story of xp pe bhi aapka hi first rebu mila tha mujhe. Mujhe khusi hai ki maine apne writing ko behtar kiya hai samay ke saath.

Thanks again for your nice words of encouragement.

 

[Vijay2309]

कहानी - कलंक
लेखक - रोमियो


सबसे पहले तो इतना देरी से रेबु देने के लिए तेरे कान पकड़ के क्षमा....

अब आते है कहानी पे....कलंक नहीं है इश्क़... काजल पिया.....मुझे इन शब्दों को काफी बार पढ़ना पड़ा की आखिर लेखक कहना क्या चाहता है लेकिन जल्दी ही समझ आ गया.. गांव का एक प्रेमी जोड़ा जो बिछड़ गया प्रेम को कलंक मानने वालों के हाथो, लेकिन जिसने अपनी आंखो में प्रेम को काजल की तरह लगाया वो कैसे मान ले की मेरी आंखो मै लगा प्रेम का काजल कलंक है.....शानदार कहानी शानदार लिखाई शानदार शब्दों का चयन....हर शब्द एक अलग कहानी बयां कर रहा था मुझे कहानी पढ़ते वक़्त ऐसा लगा जैसे लिखा गया हर शब्द जीवित हो उठा और मुझे ये कहानी सुना रहा है....
कम शब्दों में एक बात ये कहानी यहां आई हुई सभी प्रेम कहानियों में सर्वश्रेष्ठ है....मुझे कोई वजह नजर नहीं आती कि में इस कहानी से कोई कमी नीकालू.....कहानी का प्लॉट भले से पुराना हो लेकिन ये कहानी आपको तरोताजा होने का अहसास देती है एक पाठक के लिए सब से बड़ी खुशी की बात यही होटी है....कहानी मुझे कहीं भी बोर नहीं करती और ना ही मुझे इसके अंत पर किसी तरह की कोई आपत्ती है.....प्रेम कहानी कभी खतम नही हुआ करती एक कहानी जहां रुकती है वहीं से दूसरी कहानी भी शुरू होती है....

बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद आपका जो आपने इतनी सुन्दर कहानी हम सब पाठकों के मध्य रखी...सर राइटिंग कि ट्यूशन चाहिए मुझे आपसे....फीस तो कम है ना आपकी
में इस कहानी को 5 में से 5 अंक देता हूं....आधा अंक में काटना चाह रहा था क्योंकि मेरी स्टोरी पे रैबू देने से पहले जू ने इम्मो को रैबु दे दिया

 

[zopion]

Mamta ki ek murat - MAA
I want to thank you again for writing the story. I am very happy to know that both of your stories are about mother's love.
After the death of her husband, Sudhiya faced a lot of problems and had to take care of two children. Eventually, Sudhiya was doing all this for her children. It is called mother's love. Despite the deteriorating economic situation, Sudhiya did not let the two sons fall short of anything.
After suffering for so many years, when moments of happiness came, left his mother. I feel ashamed of such boys. The mother, who worked hard for her two sons day and night, left him. Even after being so bad, there is only one mother who always has love in her mind.
After reading your story, tears returned to my eyes. Your story touched my heart. The ending of the story was sad.
zopion Ji, I liked your story very much. Your story is very beautiful. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.
Thank you...

thanks a lot Aakash. bhai
it's harsh reality that due to the influence of western culture today's generation is going apart from own family members even parents too
bachpan me maa baap apne santan ke liye ji jaan laga dete hain aur jab wahi maa baap budhe ho jate hain to unhe old age home ka rasta dikha diya jata hai

 

[Casinar]

Thanks chachu for detailed review. Meri first story of xp pe bhi aapka hi first rebu mila tha mujhe. Mujhe khusi hai ki maine apne writing ko behtar kiya hai samay ke saath.

Thanks again for your nice words of encouragement.

Haan uss din aap ne cc par bataya tha magar mujhe khud yaad bhi nahin kaun si kahani thi
Koyi baat nahin

 

[Venom]

Kalank by Romeo22

Ek khoobsurat kahani jo shabdon ke mayajal ke roop me buni gayi hai yahan par .

Kya kahoon mai is kahani ke bare me kyu ki na mujhe likhna aata hai aur hi na dhang se itni gahraiyon me utarna aata hai .

Sabse pahle to thanks itni khoobsurat kahani likhne ke liye jiski shuruaat ham sabhi ki jadon yani gaaw se hoti hai aur shahar tak pahunch jati hai .

Ek dard bhari tees uthati hai kahani ki pahli kuchh lines padhne ke sath hi jo har line ke sath badalti rahti hai .

Mannu aur uski mohabbat ke bichhadne ki raat ko yani shadi ki raat ko bahut hi jeewant likha hai aap ne . Ladki ka besudh ho jana aur fir jabran har rasmo ka poora hona , sala jiski shadi ho rahi hai uski khushiyan hi gaud ho jati hain baki adambar mukhya

Kahani ka devnagri me hona uski shobha ko kayi guna badha deta hai aur aapne apne chir parichit andaj ko jari rakhte huye spoon feeding nahi karayi readers ko

To Nandini ke rooh ke bhatakne ka silsila khatm kar diya mannu ne . Kalank ka ye gana aap ne achha use kiya kyu ki uss film se jyada yahan hi jamm raha hai .agar ho sake to kahani ko ss me badi kar ke likhiyega



Thanks for writing wonderful story again all the best for contest

 

[Casinar]

My review for
Love at its purest form
By
zopion
Zoppu bhai aap ka bahot shukriya ke aap ne mere kehne par English mein ek kahani ki Entry kiye. Isske liye aap ka dil ki gehraayi se shukriya.
Kahani padh kar samajh mein aa to gaya ke iss zubaan mein aap likhne ke liye bilkool at ease nahin ho, phir bhi itni badi kadam uthaane ke liye main aap ke saamne sar jhukata hoon
Kahani ko aap ne jeise bhi likha, bhala, bura, sahi, ghalat jeise bhi, kahani sabke samajh mein zaroor agaye aur sab ke dil ko zaroor chhuh liya hoga.
Aate hein kahani par ab;
Mujhe kahani bahot acha laga.
Ek maa jo ek dorahe par thi, ya to apni jaan ko qurbaan karke apne bache ko janam de, ya bache ko abort karke khud ki jaan bachaaye.
Baap ne chaha ke bache ko abort kare kyunke ussko apni biwi pyari thi. Mujhse pucho to main bhi apni wife ko bachaati eise haalaat mein.
Magar yahan maa ne apni jaan qurbaan kiya bache ko janam dekar aur khud chal bassi.
Ab uss ladke ko manhoos kaha gaya kyunke usske paida hote hi usski maa chal bassi. Koyi kehega ke maa ko kha gaya. (Weise manhoos ko English mein JINX kehte hein bhai)
To uss ladke ko bachpan se apne baap ki berukhi mili, uss se pyar nahin mila magar ghar ki maid ne ussko paala, bada kiya aur 21 saal ka hua to ussko usski maa ka likha hua khat ussko diya gaya jiss mein maa ne ussko sab kuch bataya tha aur sab ko samet kar ek saath rakhne ko kaha tha aur apne baap se pyar karne ko aur usska khayaal rakhne ko kaha tha.
Uss khat ne ladke ka jiwan badla aur khushaali aayi jab aakhir mein maa ki nasihat k badaulat ladke ne apni maid ki shaadi apne baap se karwaya.
Kahani bahot hi interesting hai bhai. Dilchasp hai.
Thanks again and all the best Zoppu bhai.

 

[zopion]

My review for
Love at its purest form
By
zopion
Zoppu bhai aap ka bahot shukriya ke aap ne mere kehne par English mein ek kahani ki Entry kiye. Isske liye aap ka dil ki gehraayi se shukriya.
Kahani padh kar samajh mein aa to gaya ke iss zubaan mein aap likhne ke liye bilkool at ease nahin ho, phir bhi itni badi kadam uthaane ke liye main aap ke saamne sar jhukata hoon
Kahani ko aap ne jeise bhi likha, bhala, bura, sahi, ghalat jeise bhi, kahani sabke samajh mein zaroor agaye aur sab ke dil ko zaroor chhuh liya hoga.
Aate hein kahani par ab;
Mujhe kahani bahot acha laga.
Ek maa jisske jo ek dorahe par thi, ya to apni jaan ko qurbaan karke apne bache ko janam de, ya bache ko abort karke khud ki jaan bachaaye.
Baap ne chaha ke bache ko abort kare kyunke ussko apni biwi pyari thi. Mujhse pucho to main bhi apni wife ko bachaati eise haalaat mein.
Magar yahan maa ne apni jaan qurbaan kiya bache ko janam dekar aur khud chal bassi.
Ab uss ladke ko manhoos kaha haya kyunke usske paida hote hi usski maa chal bassi. Koyi kehega ke maa ko kha gaya. (Weise manhoos ko English mein JINX kehte hein bhai)
To uss ladke ko bachpan se apne baap ki berukhi mili, uss se pyar nahin mila magar ghar ki maid ne ussko paala, bada kiya aur 21 saal ka hua to ussko usski maa ka likha hua khat ussko diya gaya jiss mein maa ne ussko sab kuch bataya tha aur sab ko samet kar ek saath rakhne ko kaha tha aur apne baap se pyar karne ko aur usska khayaal rakhne ko kaha tha.
Uss khat ne ladke ka jiwan badla aur khushaali aayi jab aakhir mein maa ki nasihat k badaulat ladke ne apni maid ki shaadi apne baap se karwaya.
Kahani bahot hi interesting hai bhai. Dilchasp hai.
Thanks again and all the best Zoppu bhai.

thanks a lot Casinar dear for your beautiful review
apke jaise bade writer se review pakar kise acha nahi lagega .... it was my first creativity in the world of english stories .... Maine ye story sirf apke kahne par english me likha because maine apko promise kiya tha ki ek story english me likhunga .... thanks once again dear

 

[humtum]

REVIEW

STORY - haunted

WRITER- humtum

Meri english utni achhi hai nahi lekin padhna aata hai, aur aapki ye story excellent hai. short story ke hisab se es se behtar nahi ho sakta kuchh...ek simple si baat ko aapne aise darsaya hai apne story me ki kya kahe.

haunted house ka ek ek scene aise likha ki padhte huye lagta hai hum khud us ghar me ja rahe hai ball khojne.

excellent narration , plot simple hote huye bhi aapne use best bana diya apne lekhni se....situation ko bahut achhe se likha hai aapne ....kamaal hai aapki lekhni short story ke hisab se.language pe bahut command hai aapka, chahe vo english ho ya hindi.

best of luck for contest .

a lot bro aapne meri dono story pe review diya us ke liye bahut bahut dhanyabaad

 

[humtum]

Review for swipe left
By humtum
First of all thank you for this lovely story. Bilkul naya aur contest ke najariye se behtrin peshkash.
ye kahani wife husband ke jhamele se nikalkar mauj masti ki chah rakhne wale logon ke karname ko darshate huye ant hoti hai aise mor pe jahan sab sochne pe majboor honge asal me hume chahiye kya life se? hamara main maksad kya hai?

excellent Narration , smooth flow , dialogues were perfect as per requirement...aap ne kahi pe koi kami nahi rahne di hai story me ..bilkul winner story hai ye...ek nayepan ke saath likhi huyi shandaar story.
Once again thank you for this lovely story. Best of luck for winner trophy

dev bhai ek aur story hai us pe bhi review de dijiyega

 

[humtum]

My view on mera hero written by Casinar

Chachu maaf kariyega late review dene ke liye maine story padh liya tha same day jab aapne post kiya lekin abhi tak comments nahi de paya. Aapki story hai to laajbaab to hogi hi aur aapne koi kasar nahi chhori hai ese behtar banane me aur saath me eska emotional connect aapki story ko super se upar banata hai story ka flow bahut achha tha silky smooth writing , aapki pakad hindi story pe bhi badhti ja rahi hai narration bahut hi controlled tha aur emotional part ko bahut achhe se likha tha aapne.

Aapne plot dusro se alag liya tha ye achhi baat thi contest ke hisab se aur usko apne sahaj tarike se pesh kiya uske liye thanksaage bhi aise hi likhte rahiye aur dusro ka hausla badhate rahiye.
Best of luck for contest