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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2019 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

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Aakash.

ᴇᴍʙʀᴀᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴇᴀʀ
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MOKSHA
The story is about a boy named Ravi, who lives in a nanny's house away from his parents and siblings. Ravi was depressed as his mother was not nearby. Ravi's first love was with Radha and as householders often said that Ravi would marry Radha, But fate liked something else, Ravi's mother came to take Ravi back and Ravi's mother did not want Ravi to get married to Radha. Now Ravi is facing another problem, either he adopts mother's love or Radha's love. Ravi had been craving for mother's love since childhood. But Ravi could never get that love. Ravi had no problem with kaushal but Ravi did not like his irresponsibility.
Ravi always craved for mother's love but never found love. He too gave up his love. Whatever has happened to him in this birth, he wants everything to be good in the next life.
People rightly say that living life is not easy. Don't know how much pain is hidden in someone's heart. Through this story you have told us about the truth of life. The thing that we want in our life and as we want, it is not necessary that we get it. Whatever will happen in luck will happen.
You have told love, hate and fear very correctly in the story. The story title suits the story perfectly. Moksha means liberation and in Ravi's life, there was a lot of trouble and after being disturbed by all these things, he wants salvation.
kamdev99008 Ji, I liked your story very much. You have written the story very beautifully. There was some difficulty in understanding the story, but later everything was understood. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.
Thank You...:heart:
:heart::heart:
 

Chutiyadr

Well-Known Member
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amazing update Dr Ji ,
Apki story ne kafi emotional kar diya.
Is story ke sandarbh me itna hi kahna chahugi ki agar Ye Apne Devnagri me likhi hoti to readers ko padhne me aur v feel Aata.
dhanywad pallavi.......
 

MEHAR1234

Every Soul Will Taste Death
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Title -- " Baba ki pahadi "

Language -- Hinglish





Ek tez raftaar car behad kharab mausam me jarjar pahadiyon ke sankare - pathreele raston se hoti huyi apne manjil ki ore betahasha bhagi ja rahi thi . Raste kisi maut ke kuyein se kam nahi the kyu ki sadak ke ek taraf fislan se bhari vishal chattane to doosri taraf meelon gahri khai thi . Pahadon par utare baadlon ke tukde mahaul ko darawna bana rahe the . kuchh hi der me tez hawa ke sath musladhar barish ne car ka rasta rok diya .

Car chalana to door usame baithe rahna bhi mushkil ho raha tha . chalak ne jhunjhla kar car ko ek chhote se makan ke paas rok diya aur bhag kar us makan ke khule ahate me ja khada hua .
Makan kafi purana tha aur har taraf se toota hua bhi tha jiski wajah se wo aadmi khud ko bheegne se bacha nahi pa raha tha .

Tabhi us toote makan ka darwaja kula aur ek behad hi khoobsurat yuwti ne bahar jhaank kar dekha . Yuwti ki badi badi aankhe kisi jheel si gahri neeli thi . uska rang doodh me mishrit kesar ki bhanti damak raha tha . Usne khud ko fate purane garam kapdon se dhaank rakha tha fir bhi uski sundarta har ang se foot rahi thi . Kul mila kar sammohit karne wali sundarta hasil thi use .


" Kya mai aap ki koi sahayata kar sakti hoon . "
Ladki ki awaaj yun lagi maano kisi ne kaano me shahad ghol diya ho .


" Ji mai musafir hoon , khud ko is toofan se bachane ke liye yahan aa gaya ."
Aadmi ne shaleenta se jawaab diya .


" Aap andar aa jaiye warna bheeg jayenge. "
Ladki ne ghar ke darwaje se hat kar kaha .


" sorry aap ko dikkat de raha hoon par majboor hoon . "
Aadmi us ek kamre ke chhote se makan me dakhil ho gaya .


" dikkat ki Koi baat nahi hai , meri maa kahti hain Atithi devo bhawh. "
Ladki ne pani ka glass aadmi ki taraf badate huye kaha .


" pani nahi piya jayega mujhse , kafi thand lag rahi hai . "
Aadmi ne kampte huye kaha to ladki chai banane lagi . Chai pikar uss aadmi ko thodi rahat lagi . Lekin uska shareer thand se kampa ja raha tha . Ladki ne use ek kambal diya odhne ke liye aur boli .


" Thand itni jyada kyu lag rahi hai kuchh ajeeb sa mausam nahi hai . "
Aadmi ne apne haathon ko aapas me ragadte huye kaha .


" aap apna dhyan thand se hata kar kahi aur lagaiye tabhi rahat milegi . "
Ladki ne bade pyaar se kaha .


" sari koshish bekar hai meri . "
Aadmi ne kampte huye kaha .


" aap yahan ke to nahi lagte hain ? Ghoomne aaye hain ? "
Ladki ne baaton ka silsila banaye rakha .



" nahi yahan ka nahi hoon mai . mai mumbai se aaya hoon site dekhne . Mai film maker hoon . Filme banata hoon . Meri agli film ek pahadi prem kahani par based hai . "
Aadmi ne gurur se kaha .


" ohh phir to very sorry kyu ki mai filme nahi dekhti to usse judi baatein bekar hai mere liye ."
Ladki ne bina kisi bhaw ke jawab diya .

" Tumko apni filmo ke drishya dikhata par Mobile ka network bhi nahi hai yahan par ."
Aadmi ne apna mobile lagbhag patakte huye kaha .


"Yahan network nahi ata hai . Koi nahi aap suna hi dijiye apne film ki kahani . "
Ladki ki baaton se pata chal raha tha ki use kahaniyan sunane me khasi ruchi hai .


" are kahani to mujhe yaad nahi hai par mere writer ne kaha tha ki pahadon ki best prem kahani hai ."
Aadami ki baaton se uska gurur tapak raha tha .


" chaliye mai aap ko ek prem kahani sunati hoon , jo best bhale na ho lekin hamare pahadon ki prasiddh prem kahani hai , ho sakta hai aap ka dhyan bhatkane me bhi kamyabi mil jaye ."
Ladki ki muskurahat ne aadmi ko jaise mohit kar liya tha , wo ek agyakari balak ki tarah hami bhar kar kahani sunne laga .

----------------------

Himanchal ki khoobsurat lekin durgam pahadiyon ki god me basa ek chhota sa kasba jise dharti ka swarg kaha jaye to bhi kam hi hoga kyu ki kudart ne is kasbe ko naisargik saundarya khule dil se bakhsha tha . Yahan ki prakritik chhanta badi hi manoram thi . Barish ke mausam me yahan ki hariyali dekh kar yun lagta mano aankhon me hara rang hi utar aaya ho to wahi jaadon me jab yahan ki unchi - unchi durgam pahadiyan barf se lad jati to yun lagta ki prkriti ne kasbe ko apni jhakk safed odhani odha di ho .


Jitne sundar yahan ke najare the utne hi sundar aur saral yahan ke bashinde . Milansar aur udaar . Yahan ki ladkiyon ki khoobsurati to door door tak vikhyat thi , aise lagta tha mano swarg ke baad apsaraon ne yahi par dera jama liya ho .


Har jagah ki tarah yahan ki bhi apni manyatayein aur paramprayein thi jiska yahan ke log kattarata se palan karte the bhale kisi ko pasand aaye ya nahi . inhi parampraon me ek thi ki yahan ka koi bashinda kasbe ke bahar vyapar ke liye nahi jayega kyu ki kasba khud me hi sampann tha . Bahar se paryapt paryatak aa jate the jinse achchhi khasi kamai ho jati thi to doosri taraf fal aur mevon (dry fruits) ke bageeche yahan ke logon ki kamai ka mukhya jariya the .


Udayan is kasbe ke mukhiya ka beta tha . Naam ki hi tarah tej aur karmath . Uski aankhon me bahut bade bade sapne palte the jisme se ek sapna kasbe se bahar nikal kar apni padhai poori karna aur kuchh bahut bada mukaam hasil kar ke dikhana tha . Udayan bahut jiddi tha par wo kahte hain na ki aasma kahi na kahi jhukta bhi hai . Udayan ki sirf ek hi kamjori thi " Damini " .


Damini apne naam ki hi tarah tez aur bala ki khoobsurat thi . Us kasbe ki sabse khoobsurat aur honhaar ladki thi wo . Damini ke sir se maa ka saya bachpan me hi uth gaya tha . Pita ne bade dulaar se pala tha use aur har gun sampann banaya tha . Apne pita ka abhiman thi Damini .


Udayan aur damini bachpan ke dost the par bachpan se hi chhip chhip kar milte the kyu ki dono ke pitaon me chhatis ka aankda tha . Udayan aur Damini kabhi pahadi par jhoomte to kabhi dariya me gote lagate dikh hi jaya karte the . Damini ko phool pasand the to Udayan ne apne poore ghar me tarah tarah ke phool laga dale the to wahi Udayan ko kheer pasand thi isliye Damini har roj kheer banaya karti thi . bada hi gajab ka pyaar tha in dono ka .


Jab bhi koi dharmik utsav hota ya wo dono kisi mandir jate to ek hi kasam khate ki jeete jee kabhi alag nahi honge kyu ki dono ko pata tha ki gharwale to milan hone nahi denge . Udayan aur Damini ne jawaan hote hi sabse pahle gandharva vivah kiya taki koi unko kabhi alag nahi kar sake . Vivah kiya to suhag sej bhi saji . Us raat ke baad dono ek doosre ki sharirik jarurat bhi ban gaye .


Wakt ke pankh lage hote hain aur wo kabhi bhi ek saman nahi hota hai . Jab wakt ne karwat li to in dono ki bhi jindgiyon me badlaw aaye . Kasbe me sirf inter school hi the jabki Udayan ko aur padhna tha . Udayan ke aage padhne aur kuchh kar dikhane ki jidd ne pita aur putra ke beech bhayankar vivad khada kar diya . Kayi dinon tak cheekhne , chillane aur jhagdon ka silsila chala aur ant me Udayan ne kasba chhod hi diya wo bhi hamesha ke liye .

Udayan Jate wakt Damini se mila aur wada kiya ki har poonam ki raat wo pahadi par chadhte chand ke sath usase milne aaya karega aur jaise hi kuchh ban jayega use bhi yahan se apne sath le jayega . Uske baad to Damini ko sirf poonam ki raat ka intjaar rahta .


Har poonam ki raat Udayan aur damini pahadi par milte the . Damini uske liye kheer bana kar le jati thi yahi nahi kuchh paise bhi jod kar use deti thi ki uska Udayan bhookha na rahe . Udayan Damini ke liye shahar se kuchh na kuchh jaroor lata jise pahan kar Damini phooli nahi samati thi . uss Raat bhar Damini Udayan ko sare kasbe ka haal sunaya karti jabki Udayan use jee bar kar pyaar karta tha aur savera hote hi dono fir alag ho jate the .


Udayan ke door chale jane ki wajah se Damini gumsum rahne lagi thi . Usne hasna - khelna chhod hi diya tha . Udayan ne Damini ko patra vyohar ke liye ek dharmshala ka pata bhi diya tha jahan uski kisi se pahchan ho gayi thi . Damini din bhar ek kagaj par apni tadap likhti rahti aur use takiye ke neeche chhipa deti . Jab poonam ki raat Udayan aata to use saump deti .


Gujarte wakt ke sath Damini ke roop ke charche faile to uske liye rishton ki baadh si aa gayi thi . uske pita bhi abb vivah ke liye dabaaw dalne lage the . Doosri taraf Udayan bhi 4 poonam ki raat beete Damini se milne nahi aaya tha . Ek subah Damini ko ehsas hua ki uske sharir me aaya badlaaw uske kokh ke moti ko nahi chhipa pa raha hai . Damini ko ek taraf apne bheetar jeewan ankur footne ki khushi thi to doosri taraf bichhoh ka dar . Maa ki kami us din sabse jyada khali thi Damini ko . Haar kar ek subah Damini ne apni vyatha apne pita se kah dali . Ye sab sun kar Damini ke pita hridayaghat se chal base kyu ki unki ijjat hi unki jindgi thi aur Damini unka abhiman jo ki choor ho chuke the .

Kasbe ke logon ne bhi Damini ka bahishkar kar Diya . Damini ko bahut bura bhala bola gaya . Dhakke maar kar kasbe se nikal diya gaya . Wo roti bilkhti pahadi par ja pahunchi . Wahi ek toota foota jhopda bana kar rahne lagi kyu ki use poora bharosa tha ki uska Udayan use lene jaroor aayega . Kabhi kuchh khane ko milta to kabhi bhookhi hi so jati . Aise hi kasht se joojhte huye Damini ne ek putri ko janm diya . Kasbe ki hi uski sakhiyon ne bahut sahayta ki par saja ke dar se wo sab bhi door hoti chali gayi .


Har pooranmasi ki raat Damini kheer banati aur pahadi par Udayan ki pratiksha karti aur subah ek patra likh kar bhej deti .aise hi tadap aur peeda me Damini ke din gujarte rahe .
Putri bhi usi ki tarah samjhdar thi , wo maa ki peeda ko samjhti thi par wo bhi ek baar apne baba ko dekhna chahti thi isi liye abb wo bhi apni maa ke sath har poonam ki raat pahadi par jati thi . Usne to pahadi ka naam bhi rakh diya tha " Baba wali pahadi ".

Damini sirf ek ratt laga kar rakhti thi ki jaroor Udayan ke sath kuchh bura hua hai kyu ki uska Udayan use dhokha nahi de sakta hai . Abhaw aur ruswaiyan bhi Damini ke pyaar ko kam nahi kar saki thi . Lekin kahte hain na ki kismat ke khel hi anokhe hote hain , aisa hi kuchh Damini ke sath hua . Ek poonam ki raat Damini kheer lekar pahadi par gayi to wo hua jo nahi hona chahiye tha .


---------------------

Ladki apne shabdon ko viraam dekar aadmi ka muh dekhne lagi .

" tum chup kyu ho gayi , Fir kya hua ? Kahan hai Damini abb ? " aadmi ne bechaini se poonchha ?


" Hua kya , mausam saaf ho gaya , barish ruk gayi aur aap ka rasta khul gaya aur mai aap ka dhyan bhatkane me kamyab ho gayi . Aur mera kaam bhi poora ho gaya . "
Ladki ne apni khoobsurat badi - badi neeli aankhon ko najakat se matkate huye kaha .


" kaun sa kaam poora ho gaya tumhara aur kahani to abhi adhoori hai "
Aadmi vyakul ho chuka tha .


" kuchh kahaniyan adhoori hi rah jati hain kyu ki log kagaj ke tukdon ko sametne me itne mashgool ho jate hain ki jindgi ke panno ko kora hi chhod dete hain . "
Ladki ke har ek shabd dard se sarabor the . Uski chanchal neeli aankhein dabdaba uthi thi .


" mujhe nahi pata kyu par tumhari awaaj mujhe sukoon de rahi hai. Please tum bolti raho . "
Aadmi ki aankhein bhi bhar aayi .


" mujhe bhi aaj bahut sukoon mila hai . Abb aap ke jane ke baad sukoon ki neend soungi . Yun lag raha jaise sadiyon se jaag rahi hoon . "
Ladki ne bojhil aankhon se kaha aur haath jod liya .


" Kya mai tumhara naam jaan sakta hoon beti . "
Aadmi ne itni der ki mulakat me pahli baar apnatwa se ladki ko beti pukara tha .


" Raina "
Ladki ki awaaj hi bahut udas ho gayi thi .


Wo aadmi teji se uss chhote makan se nikla aur apni car me baith kar wapas ulti disha me chal diya . Use kuchh bahut jaroori kaam yaad aa gaya tha . 3 ghante lagatar chalne ke baad wo car ko ek dharmshala ke samne rok deta hai . Tej kadmo se wo andar jata hai aur booking table par baithe bande ke samne jakar khada ho jata hai . Wo dono thodi der tak ek doosre ko pahchanne ki koshish karte hain .


" Kaisa hai Kareem "
Aadmi booking table par baithe bande se kahta hai .


" badhiya hoon , tu to bada aadmi ban gaya hai re Udayan ."
Kareem aage badh kar uss aadmi yani Udayan ke gale lag jata hai .


" kahe ka bada ban gaya hoon bhai . neech hoon mai , chhal kar baitha apni hi jindgi ke sath . Laat maar diya maine apni muhobbat ko . Wo mere liye tadap rahi hai bhai aur mai aishwarya bhogne me magan tha . "
Udayan ki awaaj bharra uthi .



" kya bol rahe ho sab theek to hai na ? Kaha ho aaj kal ? Damini theek hai na ? "


" prasiddhi aur paise kamane ki hawas me khud apni muhobbat ka gala ghont diya maine Kareem bhai . Maine use dhokha de diya . Apni alag duniya basa kar usme ram gaya aur yahan wo meri jogan bani meri khair mangti rahi . Mujhe galiyan do Kareem bhai mai jallad hoon. Meri phool si pyari bitiya hai jiske sir par haath bhi na fer saka mai . Jee chahta hai khud ko maar doon . "
Udayan rote huye bola .


" khud ko samhalo bhai ."
Aansu rokte rokte bhi Kareem ki palkon ke kinare tak aa hi gaye.



" Kareem mera koi patra (letter) hai kya tere paas . "


" mujhe pata tha tu aayega lene . haan baksa bhar ke patra rakhe hai tere liye ."
Kareem ne apne aansuon ko ponchhte huye kaha .


" de de na yaar ."


Udayan ki haalat ko dekh kar
Kareem ko sab kuchh to nahi lekin bahut kuchh samajh me aa gaya tha . bina der kiye Kareem ne store room se lakar ek lohe ki sandook bhar kar patra diye Udayan ko .


Kareem se ek kamra book karwa kar Udayan us lohe ki sandook ke sath kamre me gaya . Darwaja band kar ke Udayan ne uss khali akele kamre me bhi ek kona doondha aur us kone me baith kar rona shuru kar diya . Jane kab se bhoole huye pyaar ki yaadon ka sailaab tha ye jisme bewfai karne ki tees shamil thi . Khud me simat kar wo kafi der tak rota raha .

Udayan ne ek ek kar ke un patron ko padhna shuru kiya . Har patra me Damini ne Udayan ki khair mangi thi . Patra ka ek ek shabd Damini ke aanshuon aur uski tadap me bheega hua tha . Uske dil ki peeda shabdo ke madhyam se seedhe udayan ke dil me utari ja rahi thi . Itna dard padh kar Udayan ka kaleja fatne laga tha .

Antim patra padh kar Udayan ki saanse hi ukhadne lagi . Gale me pyaas ki wajah se kante chubne lage aur yun laga jaise badan par hajjaron cheentiyan reng rahi ho .


------------------

Mere pyaare Udayan ,


Theek ho na ? Jante ho Aaj hamari Raina 18 saal ki poori ho gayi . Aaj tumhare liye kheer usne hi banayi hai .Hamari beti Raina apne baba ko maa se bhi jyada pyaar karti hai . Jante ho uski shakl mujh si hai par akal apne baba par gayi hai . Badi hoshiyar hai padhne me .

Tumhare jaise hi doosre shahar ja kar padhna chahti thi lekin maine saaf inkar kar diya kyu ki mere pyaar ko to nigal chuka hai shahar abb pyaar ki nishani ko bhi mai hawan nahi kar sakti thi . Raina ne apni abhagi maa ki baat turant maan li . kaash tum bhi maan lete to ham teeno sath hote .

Mere sath aaj wo bhi aa rahi thi pahadi par tumse milne lekin maine use mana kar diya kyu ki uski maa abb haar chuki hai . Haan Udayan tumhari Damini haar gayi Abb iss judai ka bojh aur nahi utha sakti hoon mai isliye jaa rahi hoon . Bahut door hamesha ke liye . Hamari beti ka khayal rajhna . Mujhe pata hai tum jaroor aaoge .


Tumhari Damini .

------------------


Patra padh kar Udayan ke halak se jordar cheekh nikal gayi aur wo wapas usi padhadi ki ore bhaga . Uski Tez raftar car teen ghane ki jagah dedh ghante me hi pahadi ki ore jane wale raste tak pahunch gayi . Pahadi ki ore jane wale raste par 5 police wale tainat the jinhone Udayan ki car ko aage jane se rok diya .


" Kya hua mera rasta kyu rok rahe hai aap log ."
Udayan chilla kar bola .

" rasta band hai , aap aage nahi ja sakte hain. "


" are subah to khula tha . "
Udayan car se utar kar police walon ke paas aa gaya tha .


" aap ko koi galatfahmi huyi hai , ye rasta kayi saalon se band hai ."


" subah to nahi band tha na hi aap log yahan the jab kharab mausam ki wajah se mai bhatak kar wahan door us pahadi tak pahunch gaya tha ."
Udayan vyakulta se idhar udhar chalte huye bola . usase abb ek pal bhi ruka nahi ja raha tha .


" mausam to yahan pichhle kayi dino se bilkul saaf hai aur mai khud yahan tainaat hoon . Aap please yahan se hatiye warna majbooran hame aap par karyawahi karni padegi ."
Daroga gusse se Udayan ko dhakelte huye bola .


Ek police wala jo unn sab se boodha tha aur aas paas hi rahta tha usne Udayan ko girne se samhala aur car tak laya .


" Ye log sach bol rahe hain sahab . Ye rasta kayi saalon se band hai . Pahadi jarjar ho chuki hai . Kayi jaan wahan par ja chuki hain . Kuchh paryatak gir gaye aur kuchh log kood gaye isliye kayi saal pahle hi shashan ke aadesh se band kar diya gaya . "
Police wale ne Udayan ko samjhaya .


" par mai subah hi wahan gaya tha . Meri beti rahti hai wahan . Mujhe milna hai usase . "
Udayan haath jod kar gidgidaya .


" beti ?"



" haan Raina , meri aur Damini ki beti . "
Udayan se ruka nahi ja raha tha .



" Damini , wo to hamare hi kasbe ki ladki thi . Use kisi ne pyaar me dhokha de diya tha . Pagal ho gayi thi shayad . Usne 10 saal pahle pahadi se kood kar apni jaan de di thi aur uski ladki ne bhi maa ke peechhe kood kar apni jaan de di .bahut abhagi thi maa beti . Ishwar unki atma ko shanti de . "


Udayan ke seene me hook si uthi aur itna teevra dard hua mano lohe ki garm salakhein uske seene me utar gayi ho . Uske liye ek pal bhi khade rahna mushkil ho chuka tha . Uske pair thar thar kaampne lage aur thand ke mausam me bhi shareer paseene se bheeg gaya tha .
Police wale aapas me khusar fusar kar rahe the tabhi Udayan utha . Apne dukhte seene ko haath se daba kar badhawas sa dheeme kadmo se " Baba ki pahadi " ki ore chal diya . Usne aaj apni Damini aur beti ke paas jane ka dridh nishchay kar liya tha .
Yar aj First time koi story mere dil ko lagi hy main na apki pehli 2no stories padhi magar woh mujha kuch khas ni lagi
Magar is story na emotional hi kar diya yar kasm sa kiya story likh hy
Main apko is story ka liya 10/10 du ga
 

Aakash.

ᴇᴍʙʀᴀᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴇᴀʀ
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ADRISHYA BANDHAN
The story is of a village in Uttar Pradesh. Where Savitri and her children lived. This is probably the first incest story of usc. Your story was very simple and good.
When a girl gets married, she moves into her new home with some wishes. On the first night of marriage, it is very painful when it is revealed that her husband cannot please her.
Suraj had no fault in all this, but he could not bear the shame and committed suicide. Without thinking what would happen to his wife after that.
In some villages, it is still customary that once married, they cannot be remarried. But Anshika's entire life was ruined. For this reason, always happy and playful, Anshika started feeling sad.
Aryan could not bear the suffering of his sister and went to pray to God, God also listened to him and made him invisible. Now he gives happiness to his sister.
Mr.raj1100 Ji, I liked your story very much and I hope you win this story competition.
Thank You...:heart::heart::heart:
 

Chutiyadr

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STORY - THE LUNCH BOX STORY

WRITER- DAMHA

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-698653



PLOT – EK bahut hi sunadr plot hai ,ek maa jiske ilaj ke liye bchcho ke paas paise nhi hote aur uska ilaaj maa ka purana student karta hai …

Ye sahi kaha hai writer ne ki kar bhala to ho bhala ..

Lekin usse bhi jyda is story me kai chije hai jo mai kahna chahunga

1. Samaaj ke najro me sarkari school ki ahmiyat,hamase se kai aise log honge jo ki gov. school se padhkar bade hue hai,aur main kai logo ko janta hu jo ki gov. school se padhkar bahut bade mukaam par hai ,lekin ye sab bate bahut purani hai jab ki privet schools ka jamaana nhi aaya tha ,ab ganw ganw me privet schools hai aur gov. schools ke teachers bhi apne bachcho ko wanha pahdna pasand karte hai ,maltb ye hai ki gov. schools ka stander gir rha hai aur uske sabse bde jimmedar khud gov. aur wanha ke teachers hai…isliye garib bachho ko wo siviha nhi mil paati jo ki unke talent ko aage laaye ,aaj ispar bhut kaam bhi ho raha hai lekin aaj bhi maa baap yahi chahte hai ki unke bchche privet school me padhe chahe uske liye unhe apni roti kam kyo naa karni pade ,

2. Jaisa hal schools ka hai wahi haal hospitals ka bhi ho gaya hai ,jab tak paise na jama karo sala insan mar hi kyo naa jaaye ilaaj nhi hoga …

3. Ye sotry ye bhi batati hai ki nihshwarth karm ka mahttw kya hai ,aur nihshwarth prem me kisi prakar ki leni deni nhi hoti wanha bas diya jaata hai

4. Wahi is story se hame ye bhi samjh aata hai ki jo aaj kamjor hai jaruri nhi ki wo hamesha hi kamjor rhe,isliye kisi ka majak banane se pahle hame ye soch lena chahiye ki samne wale ke dil par kya gujarti hai

5. Aur last me isse sabse badi sikh ye milti hai ki ladke jaise bhi hoi janha ladki dekhi sale muh marna start kar dete hai jaise ki armaan ne kiya ,kaha sab senti ho rhe the aur is adami ne medam ki beti ko hi propose kar diya :lotpot:

NOTE FOR WRITER- damha bhai apki story ka plot aur narration dono hi bahut hi achche hai ,maine ab rating dene band kar diya aur jo diye the use bhi kaat diya kyoki ye judges ka kaam hai mera nhi ,lekin mujhe yakin hai ki ise judges dawara achchi rating milegi …

Best of luck for contest….
 

Chutiyadr

Well-Known Member
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REVIEW

STORY - Baba ki pahadi

WRITER- Notebook

LINK – https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xfo...2019-entry-thread-★☆★.6804/page-2#post-699563



PLOT – ek chij sabse pahle bolna chahunga ,bahut hi behtreen story hai….

Mahwakansha jab wakti ke sar par chad jaati hai to wo apne payar ko bhi bhool jaata hai ,jis pyar ke liye use har khusi chahiye thi wo us pyar ko hi bhool jaata hai ,

Is story me apko emotion milega sath hi suspense bhi aur thoda thrill bhi ,

Story ka follw bahuth hi achcha hai aur lambi story hone ke bad bhi padne me kahi bhi ye bor nhi karegi ,har scene ke bad apko alage pal ko janne ki utsukata hote rahegi ,

Ye story apko bandh kar rakhti hai ,jab wo adami pahadi me jaata hai fir us ladki se mulakar aur uski story sunna,yahi par reader ladki ki story me kho jaata hai lekin fir wo story adhuri rahti hai jo ki bad me puri hoti hai ,udyan ke waps dharmshala jaane aur uski asaliyat samne aane se …..

Fir ek dard aur ek emotion readers ko feel hota hai jo ki story ko mukamml bana deta hai,

Iski ending bhi bahut hi shandar ki gayi hai jo ki har suspense ko kholti hai……..

NOTE FOR WRITER- Notebook ji bahut hi behtreen story hai aapki ,gajab ka plot hai aur sath hi bahut hi badiya narration hai …:superb:

Best of luck for contest….:thumbup:
 

kamdev99008

FoX - Federation of Xossipians
9,753
37,507
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MOKSHA
The story is about a boy named Ravi, who lives in a nanny's house away from his parents and siblings. Ravi was depressed as his mother was not nearby. Ravi's first love was with Radha and as householders often said that Ravi would marry Radha, But fate liked something else, Ravi's mother came to take Ravi back and Ravi's mother did not want Ravi to get married to Radha. Now Ravi is facing another problem, either he adopts mother's love or Radha's love. Ravi had been craving for mother's love since childhood. But Ravi could never get that love. Ravi had no problem with kaushal but Ravi did not like his irresponsibility.
Ravi always craved for mother's love but never found love. He too gave up his love. Whatever has happened to him in this birth, he wants everything to be good in the next life.
People rightly say that living life is not easy. Don't know how much pain is hidden in someone's heart. Through this story you have told us about the truth of life. The thing that we want in our life and as we want, it is not necessary that we get it. Whatever will happen in luck will happen.
You have told love, hate and fear very correctly in the story. The story title suits the story perfectly. Moksha means liberation and in Ravi's life, there was a lot of trouble and after being disturbed by all these things, he wants salvation.
kamdev99008 Ji, I liked your story very much. You have written the story very beautifully. There was some difficulty in understanding the story, but later everything was understood. I sincerely hope you win this story competition.
Thank You...:heart:
:heart::heart:
thanks dear.......... i am here to feel other's... their emotions and feelings..... by their stories....but lazy to express myself.....but 1st time i tried to just test my ability to express myself.......i never fantasize about anything.........because incomple fantassies always pain your heart......... so i expressed my own expressions..............

i am thankful to you......... for reading and sparing time to review my story........... i am happy to win your heart..... now....... let other things to time
 

Casinar

Dimaagh ka garam, Dil ka naram
Divine
18,429
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my review for Ehsaas
by mohit98075
kahani achi hai, plot interesting hai magar mere khayaal se kyunke 6000 words limit mili hai likhne ke liye to iss kahani bahut ziada majedaar aur dilschasp banaya jaa sakta tha.
dekha jaaye to sirf yehi hua ke ek maa apni beti ke saath alag rehne lagti hai aur kissi dusre aadmi ke saath nayi zindagi shuru karna chahti hai par wo aadmi usski beti neha par dore daalta hai to keise bhi karke wapas apne pati ke paas chali jaati hai ek haadse ke badaulat.
iss mein aur bahot kuch likha jaa sakta tha bahot kuch. Amit aur Anu ke beech aur serious scenes create ho sakte the Neha ko lekar. Anu aur usske ex husband ke beech bhi important scene neha ko lekar ho sakte the maa baap ke beech, neha ki maansik stithi aur Amit se darr aur khauf ko lekar teenon ke beech ek bahut acha scene likha jaa sakta tha.
mohit bhai se cc thread par iss baat ke bare mein meri baat hui thi ke wo achi tarah se proof reading karne ke baad hi kahani ko post karen kyunke unnke running stories par ek update mein kum se kum 20/30 misspelling main ne dikhaaye hein unnko, iss liye ek contest mein kahani post karte waqt bahot ziada saavdhaan hona padta hai ke mispelling ke sath kahani ko nah post karen..... magar mujhe ascharya hua ke iss kahani ne bhi seikron weise misspellings hein, jo mujhe bahot naapassand hota hai padhna.
agar main unn misspelling lo dikhaane laga to shaayd zidatti ho jaegi phir bhi agar Mohit bhai chaahe to ussko pm se dikha sakta hoon. phir bhi ek word dikhana chahunga: log khate hai, prem ki umar to bus jawani me.....

are bhai khate hein matlab they are eating khana khana, khate hein..... ab socho main wohi khaane wale word samajh kar padh raha tha ke khate hein to kia kehna chahta hai lekhak? kia khate hein yahan to khaane ka kuch bayaan nahin kiya gaya hai..... bahot time laga mujhe samajhne mein ke wo word assal mein kahte hein hona chahiye tha..... khuda na khaasta agar kabhi main judge hua to eise words ke liye bahot points kaate jaaenge....pata nahin abhi jo juries hein eise words ke liye points kum karte hein ya nahin eise 7 ya 8 ya shayad 10 words hein iss kahani mein!!
baaki in general mujhko plot aur kahani passand aaye magar isska treatment poor tha mere hisaab se.
All the best Mohit bhai.
 
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Casinar

Dimaagh ka garam, Dil ka naram
Divine
18,429
125,670
259
My review for
Adrishya bandhan....
by Mr. raj1100
I loved this story. It is very funny and well written.
not like the two last stories full of misspellings
I read this with great ease, all words are well written.
good sentence construction, well narrated and had a good flow.
Simple, comic tha magar padhne mein maza aya.
asambhav ko sambhav karna sirf ek kahani ya movie ke dwara kiya jaa sakta hai aur ek kahani mein kuch bhi sambhav ho sakta hai yehi Raj ne dikhaya iss kahani mein.
plot hi funny hai, incest story hai magar kissi ko bilkool bhi pata nahin chalega ke kahani incest hone wali hai.
main ne to socha tha pati ke marne ke baad sasur bahu ko pel dega magaar idhar bhai hi agaya behen ke liye invisible man ban kar :lol:
sach mein mujhe yeh kahani bahot passand aayi. simple hai magar eise simple kahani potential rakhte hein top 5 mein aane ke liye.
All the best Raj1100
 
Last edited:

Mr.raj1100

Well-Known Member
2,080
4,913
159
My review for
Adrishya bandhan....
by Mr. raj1100
I loved this story. It is very funny and well written.
not like the two last stories full of misspellings
I read this with great ease, all words are well written.
good sentence construction, well narrated and had a good flow.
Simple, comic tha magar padhne mein maza aya.
asambhav ko sambhav karna sirf ek kahani ya movie ke dwara kiya jaa sakta hai aur ek kahani mein kuch bhi sambhav ho sakta hai yehi Raj ne dikhaya iss kahani mein.
plot hi funny hai, incest story hai magar kissi ko bilkool bhi pata nahin chalega ke kahani incest hone wali hai.
main ne to socha tha pati ke marne ke baad sasur bahur ka pel dega magaar idhar bhai hi agaya behen ke liye invisible man ban kar :lol:
sach mein mujhe yeh kahani bahot passand aayi. simple hai magar eise simple kahani potential rakhte hein top 5 mein aane ke liye.
All the best Raj1100
Thanks for like my story..casi bhai
 
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