★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2020 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

[Damha]

Story - Karma (Whatever you do it will be come back to you)



Link- https://xforum.live/threads/★☆★-xforum-ultimate-story-contest-2020-entry-thread-★☆★.16291/post-1534140



Writer- Damha



About story-

Ek kahawat hai ki karmo ka fal milkar hi rahta hai , hamare gyani log kah kar gaye hai ki is Adalat se to bach jaoge lekin uper wale ki Adalat se kaise bachoge ..

Har dharm aur har sanskriti ne hame achche karmo ki bate kahi hai , kahi na kahi isme koi raaj to jarur chhipa hai ..

Ye maine bhi personally bahut bar notice kiya hai ki kai bade bade paise aur power wale log jinhe apne paise aur power par bahut garur bhi hota hai unki jindagi barbad hoti hai …

Story line bahut hi achchi thi aur narration bhi badiya laga , padhne me kahi bor nahi karti story

Note for writer – damha bro mujhe aapki story bahut pasand aayi

Aise hi likhte rahiye

Best of luck for contest ?

Thank you soo much Chutiyadr bhayia ji for your beautiful review ap ne storie ko parha aur us ki gehrai ko samjha us ke liye shukriya

 

[Damha]

Story =Karma (Whatever you do it will be come back to you)
Writer = Damha

Kahani kaafi bhavuk thi....
bhed ki khaal mein bhediya nikla sheraz... ek vishvasghatee jiski soch ek janvar se bhi gaya guzra hai... aisa paapi joh ush a us anam par bhi taras na aaya joh dimagi roop se kamjor hai .... uske vasna ke chalte ush bechari ko apni zindagi se hath dhona pada... dosti ke naam par ayaan ki pith par chura ghopa hai usne... par ek baat woh bhul gaya tha uporwala ke lathi mein awaz nahi hoti par jab padti hai toh bahot dard deti hai... usne joh ghinoni harkat ki uski saza ushe mil gayi.... ushe pachtawa hai apne kiye pe, lekin kya is se sab kuch thik ho jata...
Khair kahte hain manushya apne hi karmo ke phal ko ishi zindagi mein bhogta hai..... pal prati pal chinta, bhay aur ashanti sheraz ko ghire rakha uske zindagi ki antim sano tak... Bas dukh ish baat ki hai ki uske karmo ka phal uski beti bhi bhugat rahi hai....
jaisi karni waisi bharni....aap joh bhi Karoge chahe achha chahe bura woh aapke paas loutke aayega hi aayega in baaton ko writer sahab ne kahani ki jariye humare samaks lane ki koshish ki hain usme kamyab rahe... narrations aur language ki pakad kaafi majbut thi.... Aur flow bhi...
Damha ji Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill

Thankyou soo much Naina for your precious review ap ne storie ko itni gehrai se parha us ke liye shukriya

 

[Damha]

Story:- Karma

Writer:- Damha

Pehle to aapka shukriya ki mental health ke upar aapne story likha...Bahut kam hi iss topic ke stories padha hai maine...As a medical student jitne bhi mental health issue wale patients se mila hun...Patients ki haalaath kuch aisa hi dekha hai.

Bahut hi vulnerable hote hai wo...Unke aas paas ke chhote incidents bhi unke health mein bahut impact daal sakta hai...Bahut care ke saath unka parwarish karna padta hai...Unhe bhi aam log jaise hi behave kar ke...Confidence de kar...Aur jitna hi sake utna socialize kar ke...Tabhi wo apne jindagi khushi se jee bhi sakte hai aur behavior mein kaafi jaldi improve kar sakte hai.

Issi ke saath hi hote hai humaare hi aas paas ke so called perfect log jo unhe paagal paagal keh ke chidhaate hai aur unko demoralize karte hai...Aur aaj kal ke busy duniya mein jyadatar parents ke paas bhi utna time nahi hota ki har pal unka khayal rakh sake...Aise mein health impact negative pad jaata hai.

Inn sab ke baawjud unka baaki logo se ghul milne ki koshish aur thik hone ka jazbaa bahut hi inspiring hota hai.

Abb aate hai story par.

Aapke story mein Anam ka acche se khayal rakhne ke liye uska bhai Ayaan aur Khala thhe...Aur kuch hadd tak Sheraz.

Aapka story mein sabse accha ye laga ki aapne story ke shuruaat se le kar ant tak flow ko maintain kiya...Usse story thoda long hone ke baawjud bhi boring nahi laga...Kuch suspense thhe aur thrill.

Suspense thoda padhne ke baad guess ho gaya ki Sheraz hi kuch aisa karega...Title aur character se guess kar liya .

Anam ki character ko bhaur acche se dikhaya...Uska maasumiyat...Uska bhi aam logo jaise jeevan jeene ki wo koshish...Bahut accha laga padh kar.

Aur jaise jaise story aage badhta gaya Ayaan ki gair maujudgi hint de raha tha ki shayad Anam ke saath kuch bura hone wala hai...Aur ek point mein aa kar aisa ho bhi gaya.

Yaha par bhi Khala ki wo baat...Dupatta pehen kar rakhna...Kuch aise hi chhoi baatein bhi Anam par gehra asar kar gaya tha.

Uss vakt aapne Ayaan aur Khala ke emotions ko kaafi acche se dikhaya.

Abb aate hai Sheraz par...Villain...Chaahe usse kitna bhi pachtawa kyu na ho lekin uski iss gunaah ka koi maafi nahi hai...Aur aakhir tak usse kabhi maafi nahi mila.

Sahi hai...Kisi ke saath bura karne wale logon ko kabhi chain nahi milta chaahe wo kisi bhi mukaam tak kyu naa pahunch jaaye.

Aur story ka ending mein aisa laga jaise Anam waapas aa gayi hai Romaisa ke roop mein.

Pure story mein chhoti chhoti baaton ka acche se khayal rakha aapne jo ki bahut mushkil hota hai long story mein.

Story mein jyada kami to najar nahi aaya lekin agar story ka starting mein Anam par aur thoda focus rehta to shyad aur accha rehta.

Overall, story padh kar bahut accha laga.

All the best for contest.

Thank you soo much Champ_AK_81 bhayia ji for this precious review Ap ne itni gehrai se storie parhi air samjhi ye jaan ker bohat khusi huwi Itne detail review ke liye shukriya

 

[Damha]

Horror Hospital
writer - Damha bhai

vese to mai horror story padne me koi interest na hai,
Lekin apne likhi to socha ek baar pad leta hu
Kahani waqai bhut achi thi

Ye ek kadvi sachai h ki high class society ke log apne bacho, bujurg in sabko andekha kar apni image bnane me lge rehte hai

Aur kahani me vese ek scene aya tha ki larki Ahmad ko football ke liye bulati hai aur vo bhi chala jata hai,,ye jante hue ki uska bhai behosh icu me hai
Aur use football khelni hai

Baaki kahani lazwaab thi damha ustaad

Best of luck for the contest

Thank you soo much Akki ❸❸❸ for this wonderful review Ap ne storie ko samjha ye jaan ker khusi huwi Aur saath me meri tharak ko bhi smajh ye jaan ker aur bhi khusi huwi Shukriya

 

[Damha]

Story = HORROR HOSPITAL
writer = Damha
Rubina Kaise maa hai is kahani suruwat mein pata chal jaye joh apne bete Ahmad se zyada apna mobile pyara ho karti hai ....
apne bachho je zyada apne friends ko importance dena... sach mein kya yeh bhi nahi socha ki un masoomo ke dil pe kya gujregi .... aur rahi inke dosto baat toh kya kahne... example ke liye soniya ko hi dekh lijiye joh santan ko bojh manti... even apne pyare dosto ke bachho pe hath uthane se bhi nahi katrate, woh bhi unke maa baap samne hi... aur maa baap bhi aise hai ki koi shabd nahin hai varnan karne ki liye .. maa baap woh joh apne bachho pe agar ek aanch bhi jaye toh puri duniya ko aag laga de aur ek yeh Rubina aur iqbal jaise log ulta apne hi beti par hi ilzaam lagaye ki galti usiki thi... Khud ke santan se badhkar kuch nahi.. Jigar ke tukde hote.. unke liye maa baap kya kuch nahi kar jate ish baat ehsaas tab hua jab apne bachho ko khone wale the hamesha ke liye... lekin ain waqt par Amina bua ki balidaan ki wajah se Amis, ayesha aur ahamd jinda hai aur aaj unhe apne maa baap ka khoya hua pyaar bhi mil gaya... aur yeh sirf aur sirf amina bua ke kaaran... jisne teeno bachho ko maa baap dono ka hi pyaar diya... hanshi khushi dukh dard har ek pal mein sath diya ant tak.. aur aakhir mein joh tyag aur balidaan diya teeno bachho ke liye khud ki jaan dekar.... usko ek salam.. Bahot si kahaniya aur kahani ke kirdaar aaye aur gaye.. par kuch kirdaar dil ko chu jate hai aur woh favorite characters mein ek Amina bua bhi ban gayi hai...
Kisi apne ki khone ka dar ho tab unki ahmiyat ka pata chalta hai.. aur kaise amina bua ne jivan ki antim Sano tak kaise teeno bachho ke liye jiti rahin aur unke khatir hi jaan bhi kurbaan kar di inhi mahattvapoorn baaton ko kahani ke madhyam se writer sahab samjhane ki koshish ki jishme puri tarike se kamyab huye hain.....
Damha ji Brilliant story line with awesome writing skill..

Thank you soo much for this wonderful review Naina ji ap ne storie parhi aur us ko samjha ye jaan ker khusi huwi shukriya

 

[Damha]

Thanks bro liking & comment
bilkul agli bar kuch acha likhane ki kosis hogi

Shukriya ap ne meri advice ko samjha

 

[Damha]

bahut bahut dhanywad damha bhai
aapne devnagri wali story padh li jankar khushi hui

Sirf usc ke liye Translator download kia tha

 

[Damha]

Thank you so much bhai apka bhot bhot shukriya meri hindi kamzor he to jis waja se spelling mistake ho jati hee next time diyan rakho ga

Thanks for understanding me Ap me likhne ki chah hai iss ko barkrar rakhna

 

[Naina]

Story = Nauk-Rani
(erotica, servent, cheating)
Writer = xxxsimplewriterxxx

Kaise ek naukrani apne malik ko apni roop vasna ki jaal mein fansha leti hai bina malkin pata chale ushi ke aadharit hai yeh kahani..... waise aise naukrani ya aise savdhaan rahna chahiye aaj gale ki sone ka haar le gayi kal ko kya pata paise ke liye gala bhi kaat de....
achhi story thi bas kirdaaro bich jab baatein hoti hai toh gap dena chahiye...
xxxsimplewriterxxx ji Brilliant update with awesome writing skill

 

[Maq]

Story:- Ek qatil haseena



Writer:- Maq


Review:- Ek larki jis ko jab apno ki zarorat thi tab us ka koi apna us ke liye aage nahi aya balke jo kuch us ke paas tha wo bhi us se cheen liya gaya ye sach me kafi emotional scene the lekin kehte hai na upar wale k ghar der hai andher nahi iss duniya me bure log hai to ache log bhi hai aise kuch ache log us larki ki zindagi me aye jinho ne un ka apno se zada saath diya Un ko ek maksad mila un se mil ker Jahan se janm huwa katil haseena ka Us ne na sirf katil haseena ban ker Duniya me rehne wale bure logo ko un ke karam ki saza di balke apne rishtedaro se apna haq bhi wapis liya koi bhi insaan apni khusi se hathiyar nahi uthata us ke peeche koi majboori hoti hai lekin ye ap per hota hai ap hathiyar utha ker achai ki rah per chalte hai ya burai ki rah per Ek bohat achi kahnai lekin story ke start me he ap ne bohat words use ker liye jis wajha se end me wo feeling nahi ayi otherwise good story umeed karta hu aage bhi ap ki stories parhne ko milti rahe gi Best of luck for contest

Thanks bhai meri story padh kar review dene keliye aur haan meri ek story hindi section me chal rahi hai time mile toh zaroor padna.

BE-INTEHA-ISHQ.

Bohat bohat shukriya.